Izimpawu Eziyisi-6 I-Ex Yakho Isebudlelwaneni Obuboshiwe

Ukuhlukana kunzima. Ubuhlungu benhliziyo ephukile buya kuba bubi nakakhulu uma ubona izimpawu ze-ex yakho isebudlelwaneni obubuyela emuva. Usegunjini lakho ucubungula ukwehlukana futhi owakwakho ungaphandle uzama ukukukhohlwa ngokuba nobudlelwano obuphindelelayo. Ubudlelwano obubuyela emuva buqalwa ngemuva nje kokuhlukana ngaphambi kokuba imizwa yomlingani wangaphambili ixazululwe. 

Noma kunjalo, ukuthi i-ex yakho idlulele kumuntu olandelayo ngokushesha okungaka ingakushiya udidekile. Bangavele bakunyakazise kanjani ukuhlukana kube sengathi akulutho? Futhi kufanele usabele kanjani kulokhu kuthuthukiswa? Kungaba nzima ukuthola ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze uma owakwakho esebudlelwaneni obuphindelelayo. Qhubekani noma nibuyisane ngoba usenayo imizwa ngabo.

I-empirical cwaningo uye waphawula ukuthi abanye abantu bangase basebenzise ubudlelwano obubuyela emuva ukuze bakhulise ukuzethemba futhi bazibonakalise bona kanye nabanye ukuthi basafiseleka. Akukhona ukuthi bonke ubudlelwano obubuyela emuva bunobuthi futhi abujulile. Ezimweni ezingavamile, bayasebenza lapho abalingani bethembekile, bevuleleka komunye nomunye, futhi bezimisele ukusebenzela ebuhlotsheni obusha. Noma kunjalo, kungase kube nzima ukwamukela i-ex yakho igxumela ebudlelwaneni obusha ngemva nje kokuphela kwezinto phakathi kwenu.

Ikhombisa I-Ex Yakho Isebudlelwaneni Obuboshiwe

Iqiniso lokuthi awunasiqiniseko sokuthi owakwakho usebudlelwaneni obuphindelelayo noma uzimisele ngomlingani wakhe omusha kungakunikeza ubusuku bokungalali. Okukhulu nakakhulu uma ubucabanga ukubuyelana nabo kodwa ungasazi isimo sabo sobudlelwano. Uma uzithola ukupickle elinjalo futhi ungazi ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze, izimpawu ezingezansi zomuntu owake wathandana naye usebudlelwaneni obuphindisela emuva zingasiza ukubeka izinto ngendlela efanele:

1. Baqhubekela phambili ngokushesha 

Asikho isikhathi esibekiwe esiphendula umbuzo othi, “Kuzoshesha kangakanani ukuthi uqhubeke?” Konke kuncike ekutheni utshalwe kanjani ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni kanye nokuphila isikhathi eside. Ikakhulukazi, kuya ngokuthi benithandane kangakanani. Uma nobabili beningahlukani futhi i-ex yakho igxumele kobunye ubudlelwano ngemva nje kokuhlukana, lokho kuyizimpawu ze-ex yakho ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obuphindelelayo. Usafuna izindlela zokuqhubeka indlela yokuqeda ukuhlukana kwenu, kanti sebeqalile ukujola.

Lapho ngitshela umngane wami u-Diana owayengumngane wami wakudala wavuka ngokushesha, wathi, "Lapho i-ex yakho iqhubeka ngokushesha ngemva kokuhlukana, yilapho iba nomuzwa wokuphika, ukugwema, nobuhlungu. Uma beqala ukuthandana nomuntu omusha ngaso leso sikhathi, kuwukufihla futhi indlela yokugwema ukubhekana nemizwa yabo. Ubuhlobo obubuyela emuva buyisiphazamiso ekucabangeni ngawe."

2. Babukisa ngobudlelwano babo ngokukhululekile

Ingabe ama-rebound akwenza ukhumbule i-ex yakho kakhulu? Bangakwazi uma i-ex yakho ishintsha impilo yabo yamanje yothando. Usuvele ubhekene nemizwa eminingi engaxazululiwe kusukela ekuhlukaneni. Awudingi i-ex yakho ukuthi ibukise ngobudlelwano babo obusha. Lokho akukusizi ukuthi uqhubekele phambili futhi kungase kukwenze ubakhumbule nakakhulu. 

Maningi amathuba okuthi lokhu yingakho i-ex yakho ikwenza kwasekuqaleni - ukuze ubambe ukunaka kwakho. Uma behlikihla ubudlelwano babo ebusweni bakho, kungenye yezimpawu ze-ex yakho ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obuphindelelayo. Kunezizathu ezimbili kuphela zokuthi kungani i-ex ibukisa ngobudlelwano bayo obusha:

• Bafuna ukukwenza ube nomona
• Bafuna ukukulimaza

Bafuna wonke umuntu azi ukuthi badlulele phambili futhi usazabalaza ukwelapha kulokhu. Lokhu kukhombisa ukuthi abanandaba kangakanani nawe. Sifunde intambo kuReddit mayelana nokubukisa ngobudlelwano obusha. A umsebenzisi babelane ngolwazi lwabo futhi bathi, “Abantu abaningi abenza lokhu bakwenzela ukunakwa umuntu othile, ngiyathembisa.

"Ezimweni eziningi, lapho uthandana kakhulu, yilapho uvame ukuba ngasese kakhulu futhi ubonise ukwazisa ngomlingani wakho esidlangalaleni uma kuzwakala kubalulekile. Ukuphela kwesikhathi engake ngabukisa ngaso kwakuyilapho ngangithandana nalo mfana ukuze ngivuse omunye umuntu umona. Ngithembe. Izinto eziningi obona abantu bezibhala ziwumgunyathi."

3. I-ex yabo iphambene nawe

Uma umlingani omusha we-ex yakho ephambene nawe, kuwuphawu olulodwa lwe-ex yakho isebudlelwaneni obubuyela emuva. Lo mehluko awugcini nje ekubukekeni, ubuntu bomlingani wabo omusha buzohluka kakhulu kobakho.

Uma udidekile futhi ubuza ukuthi "Kungani i-ex yami iphinde ihlangane nomuntu ohluke ngokuphelele kimi?", khona-ke amathuba okuthi bahlangane nalo muntu ngokuqondana okumsulwa futhi akuhlangene nawe. Lokhu akusho neze ukuthi ubungamfanele neze. Basuke befuna ukukuqeda ngokujola nomuntu ongeke abakhumbuze ngawe.

4. Izinto zihamba ngesivinini esikhulu phakathi kwabo

Bahlangana esitolo sekhofi, bashintshisana ngezinombolo, baqoma, basondelana futhi bahlala ndawonye esikhathini esingaphansi kwezinyanga ezimbili. Kuzwakala kuyinhlekisa, akunjalo? Uma lolu kuwuhlobo lobudlelwano abakubo, kusho ukuthi olunye lwezimpawu ze-ex yakho ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obuphindelelayo. Kusobala ukuthi bayazitika ukukhwabanisa kwezothando ukwenza izinto zihambe ngendlela yazo.

U-Tania, usonhlalakahle osecela eminyakeni engu-20, uthi, "Ngakwenza lokhu lapho ngehlukana nesoka lami lesikhathi eside. I-ex yami yavuka ngokushesha futhi kwangiphatha kabi kakhulu lokho. Ngajola nenye insizwa ngenxa nje yonya. Ngaqaphela kamuva ukuthi ngangizama ukudala izinga elifanayo lothando, ukunakekelwa, nokuzinikela nge-rebound engabelana ngayo ne-ex yami. Ngazama ukudala i-displacement, eqinisweni nje."

5. Lena iphethini

Olunye lwezimpawu eziqinisekile ukuthi i-ex yakho isebudlelwaneni obuphindelelayo ukuthi lena kuyiphethini yabo. Bagxuma besuka kobunye ubuhlobo baye kobunye ngokushesha okukhulu. Uma bake bakwenza ngaphambili, khona-ke ulungile ukubuza, "Ingabe i-ex yami isebudlelwaneni obuphindaphindiwe?" Kusho nje ukuthi bayakuzonda ukungashadi. Badinga omunye umuntu ozobajabulisa.

Lapho ebuzwa kuReddit ukuthi kungani abantu besuka ebuhlotsheni obubodwa baye kobunye ngaphandle kokuphumula, a umsebenzisi waphendula, “Ngicabanga ukuthi kunezinkinga ezithile zokusebenzelana. Ngenza into efanayo kanye, ngase ngabona ukuthi ngangingazi ukuthi ngingazenza kanjani ngijabule. Ngakho, ngaya ejimini, ngaqala imisebenzi emisha nokuzilibazisa, futhi ngenza okwami. Ngezinye izikhathi ngicabanga ukuthi abantu bayakhohlwa ngokuziphatha kahle ngaphambi kokuba bangene shi empilweni yomunye umuntu nasedrama.” 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amaqhinga ayi-13 aqinisekisiwe okwenza i-Ex Yakho ibe nomona

6. Basakuthinta

Akuvamile ukuthi uhlole i-ex ngemva kokuhlukana. Kodwa ukuzama njalo ukukhuluma nawe, ukukuthola ocingweni, futhi ubuze ukuthi uyafuna yini ukuhlangana nabo kungenye yezimpawu abangazange badlule kuzo. Uma bebukisa ngobudlelwano babo obusha futhi benza sengathi sebedlulele phambili, kungani-ke bekhathazeke kangaka ngawe?

Lesi ngesinye sezimpawu ze-ex yakho ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obuphindelelayo. Bathintana nawe ngoba befuna ubuye futhi besaba ukukukhulula. Abakakalungeli ukuqhubeka. 

Okufanele Ukwenze Uma I-Ex Yakho Isebudlelwaneni Obuboshiwe 

Ingabe ama-rebound akwenza ukhumbule i-ex yakho kakhulu? Kuya ngokuthi ubudlelwano buphele kanjani. Uma bebekopela, bekuphatha kabi, noma bekuhlukumeza, khona-ke ubudlelwano babo obusha akumele bukukhathaze futhi akumele kukhathalekile ukuthi bangaki. izigaba zobudlelwano obubuyela emuva sebewelile nalapho bekhona manje. Ngezansi ezinye zezimpendulo uma ungazi ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze uma owakwakho esebudlelwaneni obuphindisela emuva:

1. Yamukela ubuhlobo obuphindelelayo be-ex yakho

Yamukela ukuthi awukwazi ukushintsha izinto. Qonda ukuthi ungcono ngaphandle kwabo. Ukubacupha nokufuna ukwazi yonke imininingwane ngothando lwabo olusha ngeke kusize. Udinga ukuzijwayeza ukuzithanda futhi ungavumeli ukungabi nandaba kulawule wena.

2. Misa umthetho wokungaxhumani naye

Umthetho wokungathintani isebenza kahle kakhulu uma ufuna ngokweqiniso izindlela zokuqhubekela phambili. Kunezinzuzo eziningi zalo mthetho:

• Kukusiza ukuthi unqume ukuthi ufunani kubo
• Uzofunda ukuthi ungaba kanjani wedwa
• Ikusiza ukuthi uthole umbono omusha
• Uthola ukujabula uwedwa
• Ithuba elisha lokuthandana
• Ngeke usabukeka uphelelwe yithemba

3. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Akunakuphikwa ukuthi kunzima ukuphulukisa kulokhu futhi uvele uhlehlise ubudlelwano obusha be-ex yakho sengathi akusho lutho. Uma uzame konke ongakwenza ukubhekana nalesi simo ngokuvuthwa kodwa kwanhlanga zimuka nomoya, khuluma nelungu lomndeni elimethembayo noma umngane noma uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo. Uma kuwusizo lochwepheshe olufunayo, lwe-Bonobology iphaneli yabelaphi abanolwazi ilapha ukuze ikuqondise kunqubo futhi ipende indlela yokululama. 

Lapho uchitha isikhathi esiningi ucabanga nge-ex yakho kanye ne-rebound yabo, ubuhlungu obuningi obubangela kuwe. Chitha isikhathi ugxile kuwena. Uma usulungile, zibeke lapho. Phela ziningi izinhlanzi olwandle. 

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Izizathu Eziyi-11 Ezingenzeka Ukuthi Athandana Nothile - Noma Ekuthanda

Izinto Eziyi-11 Ezenza Indoda Ibuye Ngemva Kokuhlukana

Izizathu Ezingu-13 Zokungayibuyiseli I-Ex Ekulahlile

Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

Bheka Inqubo Yethu Yokuhlela

Hlangana Nebhodi Lethu Lokubuyekeza

Yabelana Ngempendulo

Ithini impendulo yakho?

×

Eziwusizo Bika Iphutha Izincwajana zemininingwane

Hambisa