Indlela Yokuqeda Ukuhlukana Ngokushesha? Amathiphu angu-15 Wokubuyela Emuva Ngokushesha

Ukuhlukana akumemi ngempela umuntu othanda ukugunda izinwele enhliziyweni yakho, kucula i-Life's a Happy Song (ngaphandle kokuthi, vele, owayethandana naye oyingozi wakuthatha inkululeko yakho futhi wenza impilo yakho yaba lusizi). Obunye ubudlelwano bethu bubonakala kulula ukuqhubeka nabo kanti obunye bushiya izibazi zokuphila konke. Kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi, ngesinye isikhathi empilweni, sonke sizithole sinenhliziyo ephukile namehlo agcwele izinyembezi, sizama ukuthola ukuthi singadlula kanjani ngokushesha ekuhlukaneni.

Futhi ngesizathu esihle. Isigaba sangemva kokuhlukana singakushiya uzizwa sengathi uhamba nenkemba engene enhliziyweni yakho. Ukuba sothandweni kuvuselela ukukhishwa kwama-hormone ajabulisayo emzimbeni athuthukisa impilo yakho yomzimba neyengqondo. Ukuhlukana kwenza okuphambene nalokho. Izifundo zibonisa ukuthi ukuhlukana kothando kungaholela ekuqwasheni nasekungasebenzi kahle komzimba. Akuwona wonke umuntu ohlonyiswe ukubhekana nalezi zinguquko, futhi abaningi bagcina becwilisa usizi lwabo ngotshwala futhi belangazelela abantu ababethandana nabo izinyanga eziningi.

Lesi sihloko singesalabo abangakwazi ukuqeda ukuhlukana naphezu kokuzama konke okusemandleni abo. Kungase kungakuqedi ngokuphelele ubuhlungu bakho. Kodwa okungenani, singakubonisa ukwesekwa kwethu futhi sikuqondise endleleni esheshayo yokuqeda ukuhlukana. Ukuze sikunikeze ulwazi oluthile ngochwepheshe ngale ndaba, sixoxe nodokotela wengqondo uNandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ogxile ku-CBT, REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwabashadile.

Indlela Yokuqeda Ukuhlukana Ngokushesha? Amathiphu angu-15 Wokubuyela Emuva Ngokushesha

“Ingabe kuvamile ukusheshe ukuqeda ukuhlukana?” ungase uzibuze. Ukusheshe ukuqeda ukuhlukana kuwuhambo lomuntu siqu futhi akuhambi nesikhathi esinqunyiwe. Wonke umuntu udlula ezigabeni ezahlukene zokuhlukana ukuze ekugcineni aqhubeke nokuthula. Kodwa sithi uma kukhulunywa ngenhlalakahle yakho yengqondo, uma inqubo yokuphulukiswa iqala ngokushesha, kungcono. Sibuze uchwepheshe wethu ukuthi ikhona yini indlela enqamulelayo yokukuqeda ukuhlukana.

Ngokusho kukaNandita , “Uma bekuwubudlelwano obungathi sína futhi ukuhlukana kukushaye kakhulu, angiqiniseki ukuthi kungenzeka yini ukukuqeda ngokushesha. Udinga ukudlula yonke inqubo yokululama ukuze ululame kahle futhi uzivumele uzizwe ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Ngezinye izikhathi lapho ubuhlungu bungabekezeleleki, sizama ukweqa izigaba ezimbalwa ngezindlela ezithile zokubhekana nesimo. Ngaleyo ndlela, ungase ucabange ukuthi uyadlula osizini, kodwa empeleni, ngeke ululame ngokuphelele futhi uqhubeke nezinkinga ezingaxazululwanga.”

"Ukwenqatshwa ngumuntu akusho ukuthi nawe kufanele uzenqabe noma ukuthi kufanele uzicabange njengomuntu ophansi. Akusho ukuthi akekho oyophinde akuthande. Khumbula ukuthi umuntu OYEDWA kuphela okulahlile okwamanje, futhi kubuhlungu kakhulu ngoba kuwe, umbono walowo muntu wawufanekisela umbono womhlaba wonke, kaNkulunkulu." ― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart

Ngakho-ke, kungani ungashintshi le ndaba ibe yinto eqinisekisayo. Njengoba uBarney Stinson ebengasho, “Uma ngidabukile, ngiyayeka ukudabuka bese ngiba muhle esikhundleni salokho.” Ungakhathazeki, i-Bonobology ayinikezi nje imigqa yokubanjwa emnandi kodwa namathiphu asebenzayo okusinda ekudabukeni kwenhliziyo ngaphandle kokuziphula. Esikucelayo nje umzamo omncane kuwe kanye nokuzimisela ukuzizwa kahle futhi. Ungasenzela lokho?

1. Yamukela ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile

Uyakholwa noma ungakholwa, indlela eshesha kakhulu yokuqeda ukuhlukana kanye nesigaba sokuqala sokuphulukiswa ekulahlekelweni kwakho ukwamukelwa. Yamukela iqiniso lokuthi ubudlelwano manje abusekho unomphela. Yamukela imizwa yakho yosizi futhi uyikhiphe. Khumbula izikhathi ezimnandi kodwa ungazinaki izizathu ezenze ukuthi ubuhlobo buphele.

• Zinike isikhathi sokujwayela lokho umuzwa ongenalutho
• Khala ngenhliziyo yakho noma memeza ube umcamelo
• Hamba uyogijima noma ushaye isikhwama sesanti
• Noma bhala phansi imizwa yakho kujenali

Noma yini esebenza kahle kuwe njengoba uzama ukuthola ikhambi elisheshayo lenhliziyo yakho ephukile. Iningi labantu lizilimaza ngethemba lokuthi ekugcineni izinto zizolunga futhi bangase baphinde bahlangane. Kodwa ezinye izifundo zifakazela ukuthi abalingani abashadile abasakwazi ukujabula nokwaneliseka ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho-ke, ngaphandle kokuthi unciphise amathemba akho okuthi owakwakho oshadile abuye, ingqondo yakho ngeke iqalise inqubo yokululama.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ngiyethemba Awuzenzi Lezi Zinto Eziyishumi Ezihlekisayo Ngemva Kokuhlukana

3. Yeka ukufuna ukuvalwa kwabanye

Abaningi bethu abakwazi ukuqeda ukuhlukana ngenxa yokuphazamiseka okuncane - Ukuntuleka kokuvalwa. Lesi singqinamba sinzima kakhulu ukusinqoba njengoba senza iphutha le-rookie lokulifuna komunye umuntu. “Ukube ubengaxolisa kanye…” “Ngifisa sengathi angangitshela ukuthi kungani sihlukana…” Hhayi-ke, mngane wami, ukuvala akumele kube nemibandela. Impilo iyaqhubeka futhi kufanele ekugcineni ubophe iziphetho ezixekethile, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi i-ex yakho ikunikeza noma yikuphi ukucaca.

Ngisho noma bekwenza, incazelo engacacile njengokuthi “ Akusikho wena, yimina ” izoholela ekudidekeni okwengeziwe. Kholwa eqinisweni lakho – Lokho ocabanga ukuthi akuhambanga kahle ebudlelwaneni, nokuthi yini obungayenza ngendlela ehlukile. Bese uzama ukuqhubeka nomqondo wokuvala noma kuzodingeka uphile nezinkinga ezingakaxazululwa, ezithinta kabi bonke ubudlelwano bakho besikhathi esizayo.

UNandita uthi, “Ngokwengqondo, ukuvala kusho uma usunqume ukuvala isiqephu esithile sempilo yakho futhi wenze ukuthula naso. Ngisho noma ungenazo izimpendulo noma ukucaciseleka, kufanele uthole enhliziyweni yakho amandla nokuqina okwanele okungenziwa futhi kuthululwe uthuli ngalesi sahluko bese uvula ikhasi elisha.”

2. Ungaqhubeka kanjani ngemva kokuhlukana — Ngokungabavaleli ngaphandle abangani bakho

Enye yezinto okungafanele uzenze ngemva kokuhlukana ukuxosha abangani bakho nabathandekayo bakho. Abantu abaningi bayayinqamula impilo yabo yokuxhumana nabantu lapho bengena ebudlelwaneni ngenxa yokuthi abalingani babo baba yisizinda sokunaka kwabo. Ngokwemvelo, kubuhlungu kakhulu lapho leso simo sinqamuka. Kodwa-ke, usengafuna ukuphila kwakho komphakathi ngokungenisa abangani bakho. Phela, bazohlala beyindawo yakho ephephile.

• Ukudlula ukwehlukana uwedwa futhi ukwehlukana neqembu labangane elikubambe ngezandla kuyizinto ezimbili ezihlukene
• Ngabo, uthola ihlombe ongalikhalela kulo futhi baba isiphazamiso esikhulu esamukelekayo kulobo buhlungu obuququdayo obungaphakathi kuwe
• Zingakwenza futhi ukuthi ubone ukuphila ngokukhanya okusha ngokuphelele futhi ugcine inhliziyo yakho nengqondo yakho kumatasa ukuze ikusize unqobe ubuhlungu benhliziyo.

Ekhuluma ngendlela yokubhekana nokuhlukana ngokushesha, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDevaleena Ghosh ngaphambilini sitshele iBonobology ukuthi, “Icebo liwukuchitha isikhathi esihle nabangani bakho. Ukuzwiwa kuyindlela enhle yokubhekana nokucindezeleka ngemva kokuhlukana. Umngane okulalelayo ngaphandle kokwahlulela noma obona amaphutha akho ngobuqotho ngaphandle kokuba nolaka uyisibusiso sangempela. Angaba umthombo wenduduzo kanye nendlela yokulungisa.”

4. Thola indlela yokuchaza kabusha izinkumbulo zakho zangaphambilini nezinto eziyisikhumbuzo

Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungaphulukisa kanjani kusukela ekuhlukaneni, yeka ukubona izinkumbulo zobudlelwano bakho njengento eholela ekuncipheni okuphindaphindiwe. Kunalokho, sebenzela ekulungiseni umbono wakho futhi ukubheke njengesikhumbuzo sezikhathi ezimnandi manje esezidlule. Futhi uma unomuzwa wokuthi awukafinyeleli ezingeni lokululama ngokomzwelo elikuvumela ukuba wenze lokho, mane uziqhelelanise nanoma yini ekukhumbuza ngobuhlobo bakho.

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Uma ukubuka lezo zithombe ezijabulisayo kukunika ithemba, uzifihle noma uzishise nje. Uma izipho ziba yisithiyo enqubweni yakho yokululama, zinike abanye. Kodwa-ke, uma ungeyena omunye walabo ababheka emuva kuzo zonke izinto ezihlobene nobuhlobo obudlule njengesikhumbuzo sowayengumlingani wakho, ukulahla akufanele kube nzima kangako.

Kukuwe ngokuphelele. Singakunikeza iqhinga elikhaliphile ukuze ubhekane nalokhu okugqumisa: Nikeza imibono emisha namagugu kuzinkumbulo ezindala. Kubeke phansi ephepheni bese unamathisele ezipho, izikhumbuzo, nanoma yini enye ekukhumbuza i-ex yakho. Ngaleyo ndlela, ngeke wenyanye ubuhlobo bakho futhi uqhubekele phambili ngokushesha kunokuba ubambelele kokwakudala.

5. Dlulisa unembeza wakho

Ukuba necala kungamisa yonke inqubekelaphambili yakho ohambweni 'lokuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani ngemva kokuhlukana'. Kuwumuzwa onamandla, ocashile kangangokuthi uzoqhubeka uzibeka icala unomphela ukuthi ngabe udlale indima engalungile yini ekuhlukaneni. Mhlawumbe kwakuyibo bonke. Bakopela, bakwephula ukwethenjwa, bakulahla. Futhi nakhu ukhathazekile, “Kungenzeka ukuthi ngenze okuthile okungalungile ukuze ngibasunduze.”

Awukwazi ukuqhubeka nokuphila kuze kube yilapho usuyilahlile le mizwa yokuzizwa unecala. Ukuhlukana kwenzeka ngezizathu eziningi eziyinkimbinkimbi. Ngisho noma kunguwe owakuqala, lokho akukwenzi umuntu omubi. Kusadingeka ubeke uzwela njengoba uzama ukudlula ukuhlukana okubangele . Bhala phansi zonke izinto ozizwa unecala ngazo, thola isizathu esizwakalayo ukuze uqonde ukuthi yini ehambe kabi nokuthi kungani, funda ukuthi yini ongayenza kukho, bese uzama ukuyeka ukuzidabukela.

U-Nandita uphakamisa ukuthi, "Okokuqala, kufanele wamukele ukuthi ubudlelwano abuzange buphumelele, ngisho noma kunomuzwa wecala ngoba uzwise omunye umuntu ubuhlungu. Ungazama ukudambisa igalelo ngangokunokwenzeka. Kodwa futhi kufanele ukhumbule ukuthi okwenzile bekukuzuzisa nina nobabili. Uma niqhubeka nokuba ndawonye, ​​kungenzeka ukuthi nigcine ningenabudlelwane obungajabulisi, obunobuthi eningase nenze isikhathi eside. icala kancane.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokubhekana Nokuthatha Ikhefu Ebudlelwaneni - Imithetho Engu-7

6. Thwebula bonke othintana nabo ukuze uqhubeke ngokushesha

Isikhathi, ukungabikho, kanye nebanga kunikeza ukucaca okungokomzwelo okudingeka kakhulu umuntu akudingayo ngemva kokuhlukana. Ukuphuthelwa yi-ex yakho nokuhlala njalo ubheka kubo ngoba imizwa yakho igcwele yonke indawo kungaba yingozi ekuhambeni kwakho ohambweni. Yingakho kungasiza ukunqamula bonke izibopho ezikuxhumanisa nomlingani wakho wangaphambili ukuze uzinike isikhathi sokuphulukisa nokuqeda.

Nakuba kunzima ukulawula isifiso sokulandela owakwakho ezinkundleni zokuxhumana noma ukuzama ukumthinta, kungcono ukukugwema. Uzozizwa ulingeka ukubuza ngenhlalakahle yakhe nokuthi ukuphi kubangani bakho nobabili. Kodwa uNandita uyaxwayisa, “Njalo uma uthinta lowo muntu, umbona noma ukhuluma naye, kuvela isilonda sakho futhi ubuhlungu buyabuya. Ngakho-ke, yebo, isu lokungathintani empilweni yangempela kanye nokuhlanza izinkundla zokuxhumana kunomthelela omkhulu uma uzibuza ukuthi ungadlula kanjani ukuhlukana ngokushesha. Okungenani yenza lokhu uze usinde ezigabeni zokuqala zokuhlukana futhi ufinyelele endaweni engcono ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo.”

7. Qeda isigaba se-brooding

Ingabe kungokwemvelo ukuqeda ukuhlukana ngokushesha? Ngithembe, ngokushesha, kungcono kuwe. Kodwa ukuphulukiswa akuyona indaba yosuku olulodwa noma ezimbili. Ngeke ukwazi ukuzibamba kodwa uvaleleke emqondweni wakho. Ezikhathini ezinjengalezi, kuyasiza ukuzikhumbuza ukuthi ukuphefumula kufanele kume ngesikhathi esithile ukuze ujwayele isigqi sempilo yansuku zonke futhi. Uma udlala isikhathi eside njengesisulu salesi simo, kuba nzima nakakhulu ukuphuma kuleyo loop. Nguwe owazi kangcono ukuthi intambo yokugcina kufanele inqanyulwe nini. Sizophakamisa okulandelayo:

• Akusekho ukuvakashela kabusha imiyalezo emidala noma izithombe ezidala imicabango edabukisayo
• Bhala odongeni lwakho, setha izikhumbuzi, futhi ushintshe isimo sobudlelwano bakho sibe 'ukungashadile' ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
• Thola okuthile okumangalisayo ezinhlungwini zakho njengokuthola umsebenzi omusha wokuzilibazisa noma ukushaya ijimu ukuze uthole lowo mzimba obuhlala uwufuna
• Yenza okudingekayo ukuze uzizwe ungcono kodwa ungayicindezeli imizwa yakho ngoba imizwa ecindezelwe ingaholela ekucindezelekeni.

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8. Bheka iminjunju yokuhlukana njengokulimala ngokomzimba

Uyazi ukuthi izifundo zibonisa ukuthi ubuhlungu obungokomzimba kanye nokwenqatshwa emphakathini njengokuhlukana kuvame ukusebenza engxenyeni efanayo yobuchopho, okungukuthi, kunezindlela ezivamile zezinzwa. Iphuzu lokukhuluma ngaleli qiniso lapha ukuthi kufanele uphathe lobu buhlungu benhliziyo njenganoma yiliphi elinye inxeba elingokomzimba okungenzeka ukuthi ulitholile. Lobu buhlungu bubi ngendlela efanayo.

Uma ungakwazi ukwethula i-joie de vivre persona yakho yemvelo ngaso sonke isikhathi, kulungile. Ubungeke ulindele ukwenza imisebenzi ethile futhi uhambele amaphathi ngesandla esiphukile. Khona-ke kungani ubona ubuhlungu bokuhlukana ngokuhlukile? Enye yezinto okufanele uzenze ngemva kokuhlukana iwukuba ungazishayi. Njengezifo ezingokomzimba, lo monakalo ongokomzwelo nawo uzophola ekugcineni. Phakathi naleso sikhathi, kufanele ubekezele futhi uzisike kancane ngenxa yokungavuki ngaso sonke isikhathi.

9. Izinto okufanele uzenze ngemva kokuhlukana — Bhala phansi izifundo zakho

Wonke umuntu ungena empilweni yethu ngesizathu esithile - Ukuhlala noma ukusifundisa isifundo esibalulekile. Ngakho-ke, lapho impilo ikunikeza leli lemoni, wenza i-lemoni ngayo. Ukuze ucacise, yenza uhlu lokuhlakanipha kwakho okusha okutholile kulokhu kuhlukana. Futhi, nquma ngezinto owenqaba ukuyekethisa kuzo ebudlelwaneni bakho besikhathi esizayo.

Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abantu ababhala ngezimfanelo ezinhle nezici zokuhlukana bathola imizwa emihle kakhulu (njengenduduzo, ukuzethemba, amandla, amandla, injabulo, ithemba, impumuzo, nokwaneliseka) mayelana nokuphela kwalobo buhlobo. Banemizwa embalwa kakhulu emibi engabakhathazayo. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungalulama kanjani ekuhlukaneni, lokhu kungaba kuhle ukuzama.

UNandita uthi, “Ngemva kokuba uzivumele isikhathi esanele sokubhekana nokuhlukana, ungabheka emuva njengenye yezinto eziningi oye wabhekana nazo ekuphileni. Konke okuhlangenwe nakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kumnandi noma akujabulisi, kusishiya sinokuthile okucabangayo, ukuze sizindle futhi sikhiphe izifundo ezithile kuso zesikhathi esizayo. Ngaleyo ndlela, kuzosiza ingqondo yakho, umzimba wakho, nomphefumulo wakho ukuze ukwazi ukuqaphela ukuthi yini okufanele uyilindele, futhi uma ubhekana nakho ngokwengeziwe.”

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10. Hlaziya kabusha ukuhlukana (kanye nobuhlobo futhi)

Uyazi ukuthi ungadlula kanjani ngokushesha ukuhlukana? Ukuzivuselela njengomuntu ongaphandle kwalowo budlelwano. Uma ufisa ukukhula futhi ungahlali uyisicucu sezingcezu eziphukile, khona-ke udinga ukuzibuza imibuzo yangempela mayelana nokuhlukana. Ngokusho kocwaningo , ukwehluleka ukuchaza kabusha ubuwena kunomthelela ekucindezelekeni ngemva kokuhlukana.

• Ingabe ukwehlukana kwakho kwamlimaza umuntu onguye?
• Ingabe kwakukhona abangakhululekile izifundo ozifundile kulobu budlelwano obuhlulekile?
• Yini oyifundile ngobuntu bakho nokuziphatha kwakho?
• Yiziphi izimfanelo ezingezinhle kumlingani wakho ezaholela ekuhlukaneni?

Uma usuthole izimpendulo zale mibuzo, uzozizwa uqiniseka ngokwengeziwe futhi unethemba.

11. Buyela khona futhi uhlangane nomuntu omuhle

Siyaqonda ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho baphela kungekudala. Njengoba ugxile ekuhlukaneni kwesibhakabhaka, cishe awukho esimweni sokuphuma ekamelweni, ingasaphathwa eyokuhlangana nabanye abantu. Kodwa sizwe, uma ubheka ukuthi uzama kanjani ukuthola ukuthi ungaqeda kanjani ukuhlukana ngokushesha. Ayikho indlela ongabekela eceleni izinkumbulo ezidlule ngaphandle kokuthi uvule umnyango wamathuba amasha, abantu abasha, nezingxoxo ezintsha. Sineziphakamiso ezithile:

• Thola izindlela zokuhlangana nabantu abasha. Mhlawumbe ephathini yomngane, esitolo sezincwadi, inkundla yezokuxhumana, noma izinhlelo zokusebenza zokuphola ezinobungane ezifana ne-Bumble BFF
• Ungasondeli kulaba bantu ngothando. Eqinisweni, zibambe ekugxumeni ebudlelwaneni obulandelayo noma ubophe kabusha ucansi njengamanje
• Xoxa futhi wabelane ngokuhleka noma okubili. Iba nengxoxo ezuzisayo ngentshisekelo efanayo. Kuzokusiza ukuthi ubeke usizi lwakho ngendlela efanele
• Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lezi zehlakalo ezintsha zizovala ezindala, ezingajabulisi futhi zikusize uphume ebuhlungwini obuya phansi.

Mayelana nalokhu, uNandita uxwayisa abafundi bethu, “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izilingo, gwema ukungena ebudlelwaneni bokubuyela emuva ngoba lokhu kwenzeka kuphela ngoba ufuna ukuzizwa uthandwa futhi. Kodwa ezimweni eziningi, le mizwa evela komunye noma bobabili abalingani bokubuyela emuva iba yinto engasho lutho futhi yesikhashana.

"Manje, maduzane kangakanani kobunye ubudlelwano? Hhayi-ke, lokho ngikushiya ngokuphelele. Njengoba umuntu ngamunye ehlukile, kanjalo nenqubo yabo yokuphulukisa. Kungaba izinsuku ezimbalwa, izinyanga ezimbalwa, noma ngisho nangaphezulu kuye ngokuthi ubudlelwano babuqine kangakanani. Okubalulekile ukuthi kufanele uzizwe unokuthula kakhudlwana ngobudlelwano obudlule nesiphetho sabo ngaphambi kokuthi udlulele kolandelayo."

12. Bhala incwadi ongathunyelwanga ku-ex yakho

Ungasenzeli iphutha, lesi akusona isiphakamiso sokuthumela ozakwethu wangaphambili incwadi ethukuthele ngokulimala abakuzwise bona. Lena indlela yokubhekana nesimo ezokusiza ngenqubo 'yokuqhubeka ngemva kokuhlukana'. Uyakholwa noma ungakholwa, lokhu kwenzeka ngempumelelo kakhulu njengoba kukunikeza ithuba lokuzindla wena. Nali i-drill:

• Thela imicabango yakho nemizwa yakho emikhulu mayelana nalokhu kuhlukana ube incwadi ebhalela owakwakho
• Noma ngabe ubathukuthelele, noma ufuna ukubonga noma ucele intethelelo, noma umane ucele i-adieu okokugcina, kufake kokumnyama nokumhlophe.
• Manje, yiklebhule noma uyifake kujenali, lokho kukuwe
• Kodwa ukuthola lokhu umthwalo wemizwa esifubeni sakho kuzokwenza uzizwe ulula izikhathi eziyishumi futhi kusheshise inqubo yokuphulukisa

Kulokhu, uNandita uthi, "Kunezindlela ezimbalwa zokubhekana nesimo ongazisebenzisa njengokubhalela owake wathandana naye incwadi yokuvuma icala bese uyiphonsa phansi noma uyishise. Ungamemeza esibukweni noma ukhulume nohlelo lwakho lokusekela imizwelo - Abangane bakho abaseduze nomndeni. Konke lokhu ukuziphatha okuwusizo kakhulu kuye ngobuntu bomuntu ohlushwa iminjunju yokuhlukana."

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungazi Kanjani Uma Ubudlelwano Sebuphelile? Izimpawu Ezingu-25 Ezibonisa Ngakho

13. Yenza into enhle ukuze umuntu alulame ekuhlukaneni

Ngicabanga ukuthi sonke sivumelana ngokuthi ukuhlukana kubangelwa kakhulu imizwa engemihle. Uzizwa udangele ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi kuba nzima ngempela ukuthola indlela yokuphuma phakathi kwalokhu kudabukisa okukhulu kwenhliziyo. Okudingayo, mfundi wami othandekayo, ukukhushulwa kwe-dopamine, isikhuthazi semizwa ukuze ususe ingqondo yakho ebuhlungwini noma ngabe okwesikhashana. Ngokusho kocwaningo , ukuphazamiseka kungaba isu elihle lokuvuselela imizwa emihle esimweni sokuhlukana kothando.

Uma uphelelwa izinto ongazenza ngemuva kokuhlukana okukwenza ujabule ukude, sinombono ophelele. Ayikho into eyanelisa nokwanelisa njengesenzo sokuzidela. Mane ube khona ngothile, yenza okuthile okunomusa, umoyizela othile. Ungavolontiya ekhishini lesobho noma endaweni yokukhosela izilwane ezifuywayo, usize othile ngesikhwama esisindayo, noma uphekele abazali bakho isidlo sakusihlwa. Njengoba wenza usuku lwabo lube ngcono, olwakho luzokhanya kancane kunayizolo.

14. Yakha imikhuba enempilo ukuze uqede ukuhlukana ngokushesha

Ungase ungamkhohlwa ngokuphelele umuntu omthandayo ngenhliziyo nangomphefumulo wakho. Ngisho noma engasekho yingxenye yendaba yakho, lokho akufanele kukuvimbele ukuba uphile ngokugcwele futhi uchume njengomuntu. Ubuhlungu ngeke buphele ngosuku olulodwa, kodwa buzophela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukuhambisana, kanye nomzamo. Ukuze uhlanganise impilo yakho ngemva kokuhlukana , ungafaka imikhuba embalwa elula yokuzinakekela ohlelweni lwakho lwansuku zonke:

• Gcina inhlanzeko futhi unakekele ukudla kwakho ukuze uphulukise ngaphakathi
• Qala ukubhala ukuze ulandelele imizwa yakho kanye nemizwa eshintshayo mayelana nowayethandana naye
• Prakthiza ukubonga. Ungagcina ijenali yokubonga yansuku zonke futhi ubhale ngento eyodwa oyibongayo
• Thola umsebenzi omusha wokuzilibazisa, funda ikhono elisha - Lizokusiza ukuthi uhlale umatasa futhi uhlale endleleni ekhiqizayo
• Khuluma nomngane noma ilungu lomndeni nsuku zonke, ngisho noma imizuzu eyishumi nje
• Ngena ohlotsheni oluthile lwesimiso sokufaneleka, i-yoga, noma ukuqeqeshwa ngokomzimba okuqinile
• Ziphole kaningi. Zama indawo yokudlela entsha noma thatha uhambo lokuqwala izintaba uwedwa - Ukukhetha kwakho!
• Zindla. Izothulisa ingqondo yakho futhi ikunikeze imibono ebanzi yokuhlola okwedlule futhi ubeke imigomo emisha yesikhathi esizayo.

15. Thola isikhathi sakho 'sami'

Sivame ukukhuluma ngokuchitha isikhathi esihle nabathandekayo bethu kodwa kukangaki sibeka eceleni isikhathi esithile samahhala ukuze sijabulele inkampani yethu? Ubudlelwano bungadla isikhathi esiningi. Uma usothandweni, umlingani wakho kanye nobudlelwano bakho kuba yizinto eziza kuqala kuwe futhi izintshisekelo zakho zomuntu siqu nezinkanuko zithatha indawo engemuva. Manje njengoba ngemva kwalokhu kuhlukana usungumshayeli wempilo yakho, vakashela kabusha uhlu lwezifiso olwenze ekolishi bese uqala ukumaka amabhokisi angenalutho.

Uma ufuna usizo lochwepheshe, ochwepheshe bobudlelwano bangasho ukuthi ukuzithanda kufanele kube yingxenye yesu lakho lokubhekana nokucindezeleka ngemva kokuhlukana. UDevaleena uphakamisa ukuthi, “Ziqaphele. Igama engizolisebenzisa lithi ukuzitshalela imali. Zonke izinqumo zakho kufanele zisize ekukhuleni kwakho ngokomzwelo lapho uzama ukubhekana nesizungu.”

Njengabantu ngabanye, sonke sinezidingo eziyisisekelo eziyisithupha - Ezomzwelo, zomzimba, zobuhlakani, ezomsebenzi, ezocansi, nezomoya. Qiniseka ukuthi lezi zidingo zihlangatshezwana ngokwanele, kanye nazo zonke izindlela esizincomile, ukuze ubuye ngokushesha.

Nakhoke. Uhlelo lwegeyimu olungenangqondo lokubhekana ne-blues ngemuva kokuhlukana okunzima. Khumbula, ubudlelwano obuhlukanayo buyingxenye nengxenye yezimpilo zethu. Isikhathi ngasinye, uphuma unamandla nokuqonda okusha, izindlela ezihlukene zokuqonda abantu, nezici ezihlukahlukene zengqondo yomuntu. Okubalulekile ukuthi ungalahlekelwa ubuwena ohlelweni lokuthola indlela yokuqeda ukuhlukana ngokushesha. Siyazi ukuthi uzophatha kahle futhi ulungise inhliziyo yakho, ngoba uneBonobology, ingelosi yakho egadayo, eceleni kwakho.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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