Izimpawu Eziwu-20 I-Ex Yakho Ngeke Iphinde Ibuye

Ukuhlukana kungase kuzwakale njengokuphela komhlaba. Alikho inani lika-Ben & Jerry elingagcwalisa imbobo emise okomuntu esele enhliziyweni yakho. Uthanda i-ex yakho, uyabakhumbula, udabukisa ukulahlekelwa. Ukuze wenze konke lokhu kunciphe kancane ngokomzwelo, ubambelela ethembeni elincane lokuthi wena nowayekade ewushade naye ningase nivuselele uthando. Kodwa kuthiwani uma kunezimpawu ezicacile ukuthi i-ex yakho ngeke isabuya? Ukungababoni, ngeke kuguqule ubuqiniso besimo. Futhi ithemba elingamanga obambelele kulo lizojulisa amanxeba angokomzwelo, kwenze kube nzima ngawe ukuqhubeka.

Ngokuvamile, lapho owesifazane kwenziwa ubuhlobo noma owesilisa ulahlekelwa ukuthi uxhumano ngokomzwelo nothile, bamane ungabheki emuva. Ukuhlala ulinde i-ex yakho ukuthi “ibone iphutha layo” noma “ibuyele ezingqondweni” ngeke kukusize ngalutho. Sekuyisikhathi sokususa izibuko zakho ezinemibala egqamile ngoba owakwakho ubenazo. Kubalulekile ohambweni lwakho lokuphulukisa nokuqhubekela phambili. Isinyathelo sokuqala kulolu hambo ukwamukelwa. Sithemba ukuthi ukukwazi ukuhlobana nalezi zimpawu i-ex yakho ngeke isabuya kuyokusiza ukuthi wamukele iqiniso

Izimpawu Eziwu-20 I-Ex Yakho Ngeke Iphinde Ibuye

Ingabe abantu ababengashadile bayabuya? Yebo, kwezinye izimo, abantu ababengashadile bangase babuyelane. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo luthole ukuthi ama-44% abantu baseMelika bahlangane nomuntu owayengashadile naye ngemva kokuhlukana. Kodwa uma uchaza okutholakele kulolu cwaningo ngombono ohlukile, umongo uwukuthi ama-56% abahlanganyeli abazange babuyelane nomuntu owayengashadile naye . Empeleni, kunethuba elingama-50% lokuthi umuntu owayengashadile naye abuye kuwe.

Uma usudonse ipulaki ebuhlotsheni, ayikho indlela yokwazi ngokuqinisekile ukuthi izinto zizohamba kanjani. I-ex yakho ingase iqhubeke kalula, futhi nawe ungaqhubeka. Noma bangase bashiywe bekhala ngawe, futhi nawe unga. Mhlawumbe, nobabili nigcina nibona ukuthi ukuhlukana kwaba iphutha futhi nithola indlela yokubuyela komunye nomunye. Kodwa-ke, kuzo zonke lezi zimo, umzila wangemuva kokuhlukana uhlukile. Futhi lapho kulele izinkomba ezicacile zokuthi likhona yini ithemba lokubuyisana noma cha.

Ngakho-ke, uma uchitha isikhathi esiningi ucabanga ukuthi ungazi kanjani ukuthi i-ex yakho izobuya, yisikhathi sokunaka lokho okushiwo ukuziphatha kwabo. Siyakuzonda ukukuphula, kodwa mancane amathuba okuthi niphinde nihlangane uma ukuziphatha kowayekade ekhona kubonisa lezi zimpawu ukuthi ngeke aphinde abuye noma usevele uphezu kwakho:

1. Ubudlelwano benu baphela ngendlela ebuhlungu

Ukuhlukana okungcolile kuvame ukuba isipikili sokugcina ebhokisini lobuhlobo obulokhu bumile emlenzeni wabo wokugcina. Uma nobabili naphila esigabeni sobudlelwano lapho izimpawu zokungahambelani zazisobala khona bese nahlukana ngenothi elibuhlungu, sekuyisikhathi sokuthi niyeke ukuzibuza, “Ingabe i-ex yami izophinde ibuye?”

Ngokwesibonelo, abangani bami basekolishi, uGary no-Andrea, bahlukana ngenxa yezinsolo zokungathembeki futhi baba nokungaboni ngaso linye esidlangalaleni nokululaza kakhulu. Bobabili bagcine sebekhuluma izinto ebezingcono zingashiwongo. Ngakho-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi akekho kubo ongathela usawoti emanxebeni abo ngokubuyela komunye nomunye. 

Eqinisweni, lapho behlangana ephathini yabangane bobabili, babukana sengathi bangabantu abangabazi ngokuphelele. U-Andrea wathi, "Ngicabanga ukuthi lolu olunye lwezimpawu ezicacile kakhulu ukuthi i-ex yami ngeke iphinde ikhulume nami. Futhi mfana, ngiyajabula! Ubani ofuna ukuphinde acofe lowo mnyango?"

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2. Bagwema imibhalo nezingcingo zakho

Kulezi zinsuku, lapho wonke umuntu ethanda amafoni akhe, ukufonela umuntu odakiwe noma ukumthumelela imiyalezo ngo-3 ekuseni kuyinto evamile kulezi zinsuku ngemva kokuhlukana. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufuna kangakanani ukunamathela emthethweni wokungathintani , kwenzeka amaphutha. Kodwa-ke, khohlwa ukufonela noma ukuthumela imiyalezo udakiwe, uma umuntu odakiwe engaphenduli ngisho nemiyalezo nezingcingo zakho, kungenye yezimpawu ezicacile zokuthi umuntu odakiwe akafuni ukuthi uphinde ubuye.

3. I-ex yakho ayifuni ukuhlangana nawe

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kudlula isikhathi esingakanani, ukuhlangana nomuntu owayethandana naye kuhlale kuyinkinga. Kodwa-ke, uma umuntu owayethandana naye esenemizwa ngawe futhi enethemba lokubuyisana, ngeke avale ithuba lokuhlangana nawe. Uma umuntu owayethandana naye esakuthanda , angafuna izaba nezindlela zokuba seduze nawe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma umuntu owayethandana naye engafuni ukuhlangana nawe, enqaba izicelo zakho zokuhlangana, futhi egwema ukuba sezindaweni ongase uzivakashele, kuyisibonakaliso esicacile sokuthi akanaso isifiso sokubuyelana. Lesi esinye sezibonakaliso eziqinisekile ukuthi umuntu owayethandana naye akafuni ukuthi uphinde uhlangane.

4. Sebevele basebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele

Uma sebesothandweni oluqinile, kuphakathi kwezimpawu ezisobala kakhulu ukuthi i-ex yakho isihambile unomphela. Yebo, kungaba buhlungu kakhulu ukubona owakwakho ezinikela kumuntu omusha, futhi mhlawumbe, umnikeze konke owake wakulangazelela kodwa ongakutholanga. Nokho, lokho ukukhetha kwabo, futhi akukho okunye ongakwenza ngaphandle kokukwamukela. Kuwukuhlakanipha ukwenza ukuthula neqiniso lokuthi awuhlosiwe futhi uzame ukugxila kubantu abasha.

5. Bakubuyisele konke okwakho

Lapho usenemizwa enamandla ngothile ongasekho ekuphileni kwakho, unamathela ezinkumbulo enabelana ngazo. Nizigcinele izinto zabo, nilalele izingoma ezinikhumbuza ngabo, futhi ninamathele emikhubeni ebibalulekile kinina njengombhangqwana. Agxivizwe ebukhoneni bakho. 

Ngakho-ke, uma owayeshade naye esebuyisele zonke izinto zakho, uzama ukunqamula intambo yokunamathela. Futhi lokhu kungenye yezimpawu eziphezulu ongeke uphinde uzizwe kuwayeshade naye. Kungcono ukudedela owayeshade naye oseye wathuthela unomphela. Kusobala ukuthi bafuna ukususa noma yiziphi izikhumbuzo zobuhlobo babo nawe futhi bakulungele ukuqala isahluko esisha empilweni yakho, njengoba nawe kufanele.

6. Banqamule ukuxhumana nabangane bakho ozwana nabo

Ngokwemvelo, wena no-ex wakho ningaba nabangane noma abantu enizihlalele nabo njengombhangqwana. Uma owakwakho engagcinanga ngokunqamula konke ukuxhumana nawe kodwa nakho konke ukuxhumana kwakho nobabili - empilweni yangempela nasezinkundleni zokuxhumana - kungezinye zezimpawu ezicacile ukuthi ngeke aphinde abuye noma usedlulele phambili.

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7. Abanamona ngobudlelwano bakho bothando

Uma owayeshade naye ecabanga ukubuyelana, angathanda ukwazi ngobudlelwano benu noma ubudlelwano benu. Angisho ukuthi bazophenduka babe uJoe Goldberg olandelayo, kodwa ngisho nobudlelwano benu bokubuyela emuva buzobaphazamisa. Lokhu kukhombisa umona ngokuvamile kusho ukuthi owayeshade naye usenemizwa ngawe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma owayeshade naye ebonisa ukungabi nandaba nobudlelwano benu bothando, kungenye yezimpawu zothando owayeshade naye esehambile unomphela. Cishe bagxile ekuqaleni isahluko esisha empilweni yabo futhi sebezihlukanisile nobakho.

8. Abawenzi neze umzamo

Ingabe i-ex yami izobuyela kimi? Ingabe i-ex yami isenayo imizwa ngami? Ingabe i-ex yami iyangikhumbula? Imibuzo efana nalena ingakukhathaza ngoba, ngemva kokuhlukana, awusoze waqiniseka ukuthi i-ex yakho idlala kanzima ukuze ithole noma ayinasithakazelo. Ngeshwa, impendulo ithi cha uma bengenzi mzamo wokuvuselela ukuxhumana kwabo nawe noma sekudlule isikhathi esithile. Lokhu kuphakathi kwezimpawu ezingephikiswe ukuhlukana unomphela. 

9. Bacela ukuthi uqhubeke

Ngempela kuyindlela yokuhlukumeza enonya kakhulu ukuhamba usuka ebudlelwaneni lapho ungafuni. Kunzima nakakhulu uma othandekayo wakho ekutshela ukuthi uqhubeke nempilo. Kodwa ngamazwi embongi uCharles Bukowski, “Okubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi uhamba kahle kangakanani emlilweni.” Uma umlingani wakho wangaphambili ekutshela ukuthi kufanele uqhubeke nempilo, awudingi ukufuna ezinye izimpawu zokuthi ngeke aphinde abuye noma ukuthi usekudlulile.

Kuyacaca njengosuku ukuthi abafuni ukuvuselela ubudlelwano bothando nawe. Nakuba kungase kuzwakale kunesihluku, lokhu ngokuvamile kwenzeka lapho owesifazane ethandana noma indoda iphelelwa uthando nomlingani wayo. Okungcono kakhulu ongakwenza esimweni esifana nalesi ukuthi ukhuthazeke ngokuthi bathembekile kuwe futhi bagxile ekwelapheni nasekuqhubekeleni phambili.

10. Bakuvimbile ezinkundleni zokuxhumana

Uma othile ekuvimbe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi akasafuni ukucabanga ngawe noma ukuba nohlobo oluthile lokuxhumana nawe. Bakhethe ukuyeka leyo ngxenye yempilo yabo, futhi lokho kuphakathi kwezibonakaliso ezisobala kakhulu zokuthi uchitha isikhathi sakho uzama ukuthola owayekade ethandana naye noma ulinde ukuthi abuye kuwe. UStar, umphathi wezindawo zokudlela oneminyaka engu-31 ubudala waseTexas, wabelana nathi, “Uma uvinjelwe kukho konke, ngisho ne-imeyili, bafuna ukukhohlwa ngokuphelele ukuba khona kwakho. Ngokuqinisekile bafuna ukushiywa bodwa ukuze bagxile emathubeni amasha noma baphulukiswe ekuhlukaneni kwenu ngokuthula.”

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11. Bakutshela ukuthi abasakuthandi

Umuzwa wokulahlwa uhlale ukhungathekisa futhi kunzima ukukwamukela. Nokho, kungase futhi kube ukugudluza okudingayo ukuze uyeke ukubambelela ethembeni lokubuyisana futhi ugxile ekululameni ekuhlukaneni. Ngakho-ke, uma i-ex yakho ikutshela ngokungangabazeki ukuthi sebephelelwe uthando, awudingi ukuyofuna ezinye izimpawu ukuthi ulahlekelwe phakade noma izimpawu zokuthi ngeke abuye.

Ekuqaleni, kungase kube iphilisi elibabayo ukuligwinya, kodwa izinto zizoqala ukubukeka, ngisho noma sekuwunyaka kusukela manje. Ama-Ex agcina enyamalele, kodwa sidalwa kanjalo isikhala sozakwethu omusha. Kwesinye isikhathi, sikhululekile ebudlelwaneni kodwa asisathandani. Lokhu kushaywa okubonakala kunesihluku okuvela ku-ex wakho kuzokusiza ukuthi uthole umbono othile futhi ekugcineni kube yimbangela yokuphulukiswa kwakho.

12. Ukunakekelwa nokukhathazeka akukho

Uma ukhathazekile ngokuhlukana futhi uvame ukuzithola uzibuza ukuthi, “Ingabe abantu ababengashadile bayabuya?”, yazi ukuthi kwenzeka kuphela lapho imizwa emihle njengokunakekelana nokukhathalelana ngenhlalakahle yomunye nomunye, kanye nomuzwa ojulile wokunamathelana, inqoba ngisho nangemva kokuba ubuhlobo buphelile . Kodwa uma ukucindezeleka nokungakhululeki kwakho kungasadonsi izinhliziyo zomlingani wakho wangaphambili, okumenza afune ukuyeka konke ukuze abe seceleni kwakho, kungenye yezimpawu eziqinisekile ukuthi owayeshade naye ngeke aphinde abuye.

13. Ukuhlukana kwabo akubonakali kubathinti

Uma bebonakala bengakhathazekile ngokuhlukana kangangokuthi usala ubhekene nokuqaphela okubuhlungu, " Owakwami ​​waqhubeka sengathi angilutho ", akubonisi okuhle ngamathemba akho okubuyisana. Eqinisweni, kungenye yezibonakaliso ezicacile zokuthi ngeke abuye noma useqhubeke unomphela. Ukubuka owakwakho eqhubeka nempilo yakhe ngenkathi wena ubambeke ulangazelela yena kungaba buhlungu kakhulu futhi kulimaza ukuzethemba kwakho. Kholwa ukuthi, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzothola indlela yokusuka kule mizwa emibi bese ubona ukukhanya ekugcineni kwalokho okwamanje okubonakala njengomhubhe omnyama ongapheli.

14. Ukudlala ngothando akusabonakali kwenza iqhinga

Uma bengadlali ngawe noma bengasabeli lapho ucela usizo, kungenye yezimpawu ezibonisa ukuthi i-ex yakho ngeke isabuya. Ngokuvamile, lapho othile esenesithakazelo kuwe, ubheka amathuba okukuncoma, ukusho amazwi ocansi, nokuzitika ngokudlala ngothando okungenangozi. Uma zonke lezi zishoda, kungenzeka ukuthi babheke ohlangothini olukhanyayo lokuhlukana.

15. Izimpendulo zabo zilula futhi ziyacasula

Ithi, ulangazelela i-ex yakho, ufinyelela kubo. Ucingo. Umbhalo. Ukugijima "ngengozi". Kodwa abaphenduli ngemfudumalo eyake yaba yingxenye yokusebenzelana kwakho. Esikhundleni salokho, i-ex yakho ibonakala ibanda futhi izimele, futhi izimpendulo zabo zilula futhi ziyacasula. Njengokungathi abakhululekile ukukhuluma nawe.

Yiqiniso, akuyona into emnandi kakhulu, ikakhulukazi ngemva kobudlelwano besikhathi eside , kodwa kungenye yezimpawu ezicacile zokuthi uchitha isikhathi sakho uzama ukuthola owakwakho wangaphambili. UPreston, umakhenikha oneminyaka engu-27 ubudala waseChicago, wabelana nathi, “Bengilokhu ngizibuza izinyanga ezinhlanu ngemva kokuhlukana. Ingabe uzobuya? Ingabe uzoqonda ukuthi lokhu kwakuyiphutha? Kodwa cha, ngingakusho manje. Uma edelela ngokuqondile, ekhuluma kabi, noma engabonisi sithakazelo ekuxoxeni, owakwakho wangaphambili akadlali ‘kanzima ukumthola’ noma ‘afune ukunakwa.’ Bafuna nje ukushiywa bodwa.”

16. “Ngicabanga ukuthi singcono njengabangane”

Uma bekucela ukuthi uhlale “ungabangane abahle” ngemva kokuhlukana, kungenye yezimpawu eziqondile zokuthi ukuhlukana kuyinto ehlala njalo. Kungaba nzima ukubahlukanisa nabo. Kodwa kuthumela umyalezo ocacile wokuthi udinga ukuyeka umqondo wokuhlangana nabo futhi ugxile ekunqobeni ukuhlukana . Udinga futhi ukuhlola izinketho zakho futhi uhlale kude nabo uma impilo yakho yengqondo isengozini.

Ucwaningo luveza ukuthi ukuhlala ungumngane nomuntu owayekade engumngani ngenxa yemizwa ecindezelwe ngabo kwaholela emiphumeleni emibi, kanti ukuhlala ungumngane ngenxa yokuphepha nezizathu ezingokoqobo kwaholela emiphumeleni emihle kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, umbuzo wehora uthi: Uvumile yini ukuhlala ungumngane nomuntu owayekade engumngani ngenxa yemizwa ecindezelwe ngabo noma ngoba ufuna ukuba nobuntu futhi ungafuni bakubambele amagqubu?

17. Sekunesikhathi wagcina ukufona

Usunesikhathi esingakanani uhlukene nomuntu owawuthandana naye? Uma nihlukene isikhathi eside, mancane amathuba okuthi nivuselele leyo mizwa ekade yalahleka. Mancane amathuba okuthi nithintane uma sekunesikhathi eside nagcina ukukhuluma noma ukubonana. Uma bebeqonde ukubuya, bebezozama ukuxhumana nawe futhi benze umzamo kuleyo ndawo, noma okungenani, babuyisele kunoma yikuphi ukuthuthuka okwenzile. Uma lokho kungenzeki ngisho sekudlule isikhathi eside nahlukana, udinga ukuyeka ukuzibuza ukuthi wazi kanjani ukuthi i-ex yakho izobuya. 

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18. Ubudlelwano benu baphela ngenxa yokungathembeki

Uma omunye wenu engathembekile, mancane amathuba okuthi ubuhlobo benu buqhubeke. Kufanele wazi ukuthi ungenza 'okuningi' kangcono kunokuqomisana nefulegi elibomvu. Futhi uma kunguwe owakopela, khona-ke mhlawumbe udinga ukuthatha isinyathelo emuva futhi uhlole ukuthi ungamthanda yini umlingani wakho ngendlela efanele.

Ucwaningo lusikisela ukuthi ukuphinde uthembe umlingani okubangele usizi olungokomzwelo — kungaba ngokungathembeki, ukuqamba amanga, ukungathembeki, noma ukukhohlisa — kudinga ukuvuleleka, inhloso yokubambisana, ukwabelana, kanye nokusekelana phakathi kwabalingani. Ukukhohliswa kukushintsha futhi kukwenze uzwele kakhulu ekukhashelweni nasekushiyweni, futhi uma owayeshade naye engabonisi nhloso yokulungisa izinto, kungcono ukuhamba.

19. Awusona isihloko sengxoxo

Ingabe usuxhumene nabangani bakho enizwana nabo kusukela nahlukana ne-ex yakho? Ingabe i-ex yakho ihlezi ikubhekisela, ikubuza ukuthi ubunjani? Uma kungenjalo, kungenye yezimpawu ukuthi i-ex yakho ngeke isabuya. Uyabona-ke uma umuntu wesifazane eseqedile ukujola noma indoda isiphelelwe wuthando ivele ihlukane ne ex yabo baze baphile sengathi akekho.

Mhlawumbe, kungcono ngoba ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abalingani abashintshashintshayo (imibhangqwana ehlukana futhi ibuyelane izikhathi eziningi) babika izinga eliphansi lobuhlobo — uthando oluncane, isidingo sokwaneliseka, kanye nokwaneliseka ngokocansi. Mhlawumbe, lokhu kuhlukana okuphelele kusukela ekugcineni kwabo kuyisizathu osidingayo ukuze ulahle ithemba elingamanga lokubuyisana futhi ubheke phambili empilweni yakho.

20. Ithumbu lakho likutshela kanjalo

Unethemba ngokumelene nethemba lokuthi i-ex yakho izothola indlela yokubuyela kuwe. Mhlawumbe, utshale imali eningi ngawe ebuhlotsheni kangangokuthi awukwazi ukukwamukela ukuthi sekuphelile. Kodwa uma unaka, kungase kube nezwi elincane ngaphakathi kuwe elikutshela ukuthi kunjalo. Ukukhathazeka obhekana nakho ngaphambi kokushaya ucingo noma ukuthumela imiyalezo ngo-ex wakho, indlela inhliziyo yakho eshona ngayo uma ingasabeli ngendlela obufisa ngayo, ifindo esiswini awukwazi ukulikhipha. Konke lokhu ukubonakaliswa okubonakalayo kwalokho okuzama ukukutshela intuition yakho noma amathumbu: owakwakho akabuyi. Lalela umzimba wakho futhi wethembe lowo mqondo. Akuvamile ukuba kubi.

Kungani Unenkinga Yokusuka Kwi-Ex Engabuyi

Kuyinto evamile ukukuthola kunzima ukuyeka i-ex. Futhi kunzima nakakhulu ukwamukeleka nezimpawu ukuthi i-ex yakho ayikufuni ubuye. Khumbula, ukugqashula ezintweni ezidlule kuthatha isikhathi nokusekelwa. Nazi ezinye izizathu zokuthi kungani ungabambeki, ukuzazi ukuthi kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokunciphisa ukubamba kwazo:

Okufanele Ukwenze Uma I-Ex Yakho Ingabuyi—7 Izinto

Ukuqaphela ukuthi i-ex yakho ayibuyi kunzima kakhulu. Ungase uzizwe ulahlekile, ukhungathekile, noma uthukuthele. Kodwa uma usuqinisekile ukuthi ubudlelwano buphelile ngempela, isinyathelo esingcono kakhulu ongasithatha ukubuyisela amandla akho kuwena. Nawa amathiphu ayisikhombisa angakusiza ukuthi ululame futhi uqhubekele phambili:

1. Kwamukele ukuhlukana futhi uzivumele ukuba udabuke

Kungase kuzwakale kuyinto evamile, kodwa ukuqaphela ukuhlukana kanye nezimpawu zokuthi uchitha isikhathi sakho uzama ukuthola owakwakho othandana naye kuyisinyathelo sokuqala. Zivumele uzizwe noma yini ezayo—ukudabuka, intukuthelo, impumuzo, noma ukudideka. Kulungile ukukhala noma ukuveza imizwa yakho. Zinike imvume yokuvuma, “Lokhu kubuhlungu, futhi ngilahlekelwe umuntu ebengimkhathalela.” Njengoba isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Sara Bennett esho, “Usizi luyintengo esiyikhokhela uthando. Kubuhlungu, kodwa kuyingxenye yemvelo yokuyeka bese uqala ukululama.” Ukungazinaki imizwa yakho kumane kuyinweba isikhathi. Ngokwamukela iqiniso, uqala ukuzikhulula.

• Qonda imizwa yakho: Bhala phansi indlela ozizwa ngayo noma ukhulume nomngane wakho. Ukubona imizwa kuyayivimba ekukugijimeni
• Ziveze: Ukukhala, ukubhala iphephabhuku, noma ubuciko kungasiza. Kungcono ukuyikhipha kunokuyibhodlela
• Inike isikhathi: Ukwelashwa akusheshi. Yiba nesineke kuwe - thatha usuku olulodwa ngesikhathi

2. Gxila ekuzinakekeleni nasekwelapheni

Manje, konke kumayelana nawe. Kuleli qophelo, ukuzinakekela kuyadingeka futhi kudinga ukubekwa phambili. Xhumana kabusha nezidingo zakho bese uzibeka phambili. Umeluleki uJordan Reed uthi, “Manje usungumuntu obaluleke kakhulu empilweni yakho. Ziphathe ngesihawu osifanele.” Gxila ku:

• Impilo yomzimba: Yidla ukudla okunomsoco, zivocavoce njalo, futhi uzame ukulala ngokwanele. Ngisho nezinqubo ezincane ezifana nokuhamba ekuseni noma ukujima okulula kwasekhaya kungakhuphula umoya wakho
• Impilo Yengqondo: Cabangela izinhlelo zokusebenza zokuzindla noma zokucabangela ukuze wehlise ukukhathazeka. Zikhumbuze ngeziqinisekiso ezinhle: "Ngifanelwe injabulo" noma "Ngizodlula kulokhu."
• Ukuphumula: Yenza izinto ezikulethela ukuthula, geza uphumule, funda incwadi eduduzayo, noma ubukele amahlaya akho owathandayo
• Zama izinto ezintsha: Thatha umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa obuwubekele eceleni. Ukupenda, ukuhamba ngezinyawo, amakilasi okupheka - ukuhlala umatasa ngamaphrojekthi ajabulisayo kungaba nomvuzo

3. Thembela kubangani nomndeni

Akudingeki ukuthi udlule ekuhlukaneni wedwa . Yabelana ngalokho okuzwayo nabantu obathembayo. Bangakunikeza ukwesekwa, bakuphazamise, futhi bakukhumbuze ukuthi ubalulekile.

• Khuluma: Fonela umngane oseduze noma ilungu lomndeni. Ukukhipha umoya nje nokuzwa izwi eliduduzayo kungadambisa ubuhlungu
• Funa umbono: Ngezinye izikhathi abathandekayo bethu basikhumbuza amandla ethu noma ukuthi ukuhlukana kwaba ngcono kanjani. Bangakwazi ukugcizelela lokho osukwazi kakade
• Usizo lochwepheshe: Uma imizwa ikwehlula, cabanga ukukhuluma nomelaphi. Uchwepheshe angakusiza ukucubungula imizwa futhi akufundise amakhono okubhekana nesimo. Ungase uzizwe ungcono ukuhlola imicabango ngaphandle kokwahlulela

4. Yamukela umthetho wokungathinteki

Kuyayenga ukuthumela imiyalezo noma ukulandela izinkundla zokuxhumana zowayengumlingani wakho, kodwa lokhu kukugcina ubambekile. Ukunqamula ukuxhumana kubalulekile ukuze uqhubeke nempilo. Kungani? Ukuxhumana njalo kwandisa ubuhlungu nethemba. Nansi indlela yokusebenzisa umthetho wokungathintani ngempumelelo:

• Ibanga elingokoqobo: Uma kungenzeka, susa inombolo yabo futhi uyeke umngane/uyeke ukulandela. Ukubona izibuyekezo zabo noma ukuxoxa kugcina imizwa injalo
• I-detox yenkundla yezokuxhumana: Gwema ukuhlola amaphrofayili abo. Vala izaziso noma uthathe ikhefu ezinhlelweni zokusebenza lapho zivela khona. Lokhu kukuvumela ukuthi uyeke ukuqhathanisa impilo yakho neyabo
• Akekho othintana naye ngesizathu: Zikhumbuze ukuthi njalo uma ufinyelela noma ulunguza ekhasini labo, uphinda uvule isilonda. Hlonipha indawo yabo, futhi uvumele ukwelapha
• Xhumana nemingcele: Uma wabelana ngomsebenzi noma iqembu, yiba nesizotha kodwa kancane. Kulungile ukugwema inkulumo encane. Ugxile ekululameni kwakho

Umelaphi uDkt. Jane Liu uyeluleka, “Akukho ukuxhumana okungakuyeki, kuzinika indawo nenhlonipho.

5. Zithole kabusha kanye nezinto ozithandayo

Ukuhlukana kuzamazamisa ubuwena. Ngokungazelelwe awushadile, mhlawumbe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi wawungenaso. Sebenzisa lokhu njengethuba lokuthola noma lokuthola kabusha okukwenza ujabule, uzimele kunoma ubani omunye.

• Vakashela kabusha izinto zokuzilibazisa zakudala: Ingabe kukhona owawuthanda ukukwenza ngaphambili (ukudweba, ezemidlalo, ukubhala)? Gcwalisa futhi. Ingakukhumbuza ukuthi ungubani ngaphandle kobudlelwano
• Zama okuthile okusha: Bhalisela ikilasi, funda ithuluzi, noma vakashela indawo ongakaze uye kuyo. Okuhlangenwe nakho okusha kungase kujabulise futhi kuphazamise ubuhlungu benhliziyo
• Zibekele imigomo yomuntu siqu: Gxila emaphusheni akho, njengemigomo yomsebenzi noma ama-milestone okufaneleka. Ukuzuza impumelelo encane kukhulisa ukuzethemba
• Ukuzithuthukisa: Funda izincwadi zokuzithuthukisa noma ubuke izinkulumo ezikhuthazayo. Ukukhula ngokwakho kukusiza ukuthi uye phambili

6. Ungavumi ukuhlala “ungabangane nje” uma ungakakulungeli

Abanye abantu bazama ukuba abangane ngemva kokuhlukana. Uma usenethemba lothando, ukuhlala ungumngane nomuntu owayethandana naye kungakuphazamisa futhi kukulimaze. Leyo ngxoxo "yendawo yabangane" ivame ukusho ukuthi umuntu owayethandana naye uyahlola ngokomzwelo. Kungenye yezimpawu eziqondile kakhulu zokuthi umuntu owayethandana naye akasaphinde abuye. Nakuba ubungane bungase busebenze kamuva, ukubuphoqa ngokushesha kakhulu kungalibazisa ukuphulukiswa kwakho.

Uma ucelwa ukuba nibe abangani kodwa kusebuhlungu, kulungile ukusho ngesizotha ukuthi nidinga isikhathi ngokuhlukana. Ufanelwe isikhala sokuphulukisa ngaphandle kwezikhumbuzo zazo. Ngemva kokuthuthuka ngokomzwelo, ungase ucabangele ubungane kude naye. Umqeqeshi wezobudlelwano uMark Ramirez uyaphawula, "Njengoba kubuhlungu ukuhlukaniswa abangani, kubuye kucace: babeka umngcele. Hlonipha lowo mngcele ngokuhlehla futhi unakekele inhliziyo yakho."

7. Zinike isikhathi futhi ubekezele

Ukuphulukiswa enhliziyweni ephukile akwenzeki ngobusuku obubodwa. Kuyinqubo enezinsuku ezinhle nezinsuku ezimbi. Yiba nomusa kuwe njengoba uqhubeka.

• Ngezinye izinsuku uzozizwa ujabule, abanye udabuke - lokho kuvamile. Akusho ukuthi uyehluleka ukuqhubeka
• Qaphela ukunqoba okuncane (uzenzele umngane omusha, uzame okuthile okujabulisayo, awuzange ucabange ngakho usuku lonke). Lokhu kusho ukuthi uya ngokuba namandla
• Ukuba nesimiso sansuku zonke noma samasonto onke kunikeza isakhiwo kanye nokuthile okufanele sikulangazelele

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Heather Levine siyeluleka, “Ukuphulukisa akulandeli isimiso sesikhathi. Yiba nesineke, futhi uziphathe ngozwela obungalubonisa umngane osesikhundleni sakho.” Ngasinye salezi zinyathelo simayelana nokubuyisela impilo yakho kanye nokuzethemba kwakho. Ungase uzizwe sengathi wenza lokhu wedwa, kodwa abaningi baye bahamba le ndlela futhi baphuma ngamandla. Ngokuzinakekela ngenkuthalo, kancane kancane uzobona izizathu ebezingafaneleki kuwe. Ekugcineni, lobu buhlungu buzoncipha futhi buvule indawo yenjabulo entsha

Imicabango Final

Sesifinyelele ekugcineni kwalesi siqondisi esimnandi sendlela yokuqaphela izimpawu zokuthi owayeshade naye ngeke aphinde abuye. Sithemba ukuthi sikunike ukucaca okuthile ngokuthi umi kuphi. Akukho okubi ngokufuna ukuxazulula inkinga nowayeshade naye ngisho nokubuyisana naye. Kodwa-ke, hhayi ngokulimaza ukuzethemba kwakho kanye nempilo yakho yengqondo. Sithemba ukuthi uzokubona lokho futhi uqaphele ukubaluleka kwakho. Uma ulwela ukwenza intuthuko futhi ukhathazekile kakhulu ngempilo yowayeshade naye, ukufuna usizo kuchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo kungasiza. Ngenxa yalokho, izinsizakalo zokwelulekwa zeBonobology ziseduze nje ngokuchofoza.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.