“Mbeke uJamie Oliver! Ngiyamthanda!” ungase uthi. Kodwa awumthandi ukumthanda , akunjalo? Kunezinhlobo zonke zothando esizizwayo futhi kungase kukumangaze ukwazi ukuthi zingaki izinhlobo ezahlukene zothando oye wazizwa empilweni yakho. Nansi inja yomngane wakho, oyithanda ngempela. Kukhona umndeni, abangane bese kuba, vele, umlingani wakho.
Ukumane uthi 'uyabathanda' bonke bekungeke kube nembe ngempela noma kungenzeleli kubo bonke. Kunezinhlobo ezahlukene zothando oluthola kulo ngalunye, futhi uhlobo ngalunye lothando luletha isethi ehlukile yezindlela zokulubonisa. Ngenkathi uzama ukwenza umngane, ngeke ubamangaze ngombhede onamashidi e-satin, agcwele ama-rose petals kuwo, akunjalo? Kungaba yinqaba lokho.
Ngakho-ke lolu thando luhluke kanjani ngempela futhi ungaluthuthukisa kanjani ekuzibonakaliseni? Ukuze uqonde izinhlobo ezahlukene zothando, ngokuqonda okuvela kuShazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngokwehlukana kanye nokwehlukanisa. Ngakho-ke ngaphandle kokuchitha isikhathi, ake singene ngqo.
Yiziphi Izinhlobo Zothando?
Okuqukethwe
Kuya ngobudlelwano obuningi obuhlukene onabo nabantu kanye nezinto ezahlukahlukene ozizwa ngabo, ngokwemvelo uzoba nezinhlobo ezahlukene zothando ngaphakathi kuwe ngabo. Ufuna ukuchoboza ubuso balowo mdlwane futhi uwuphulule usuku lonke, kodwa leyo akuyona indlela ozobonisa ngayo uthando kumama wakho. (Noma siyethemba. Ngicela ungakwenzi lokho kumama wakho.)
Uthando ngokwalo luwumuzwa oyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu, okokuqala. IBhayibheli lithi, “Uthando alusoze lwaphela” kodwa kubonakala sengathi uma umuntu othandana naye ekhohlwa usuku lwakho lokuzalwa kalula. Uma lokho kwenzeka, uthando luyinto yokugcina engqondweni yakho. Kodwa ingabe ukubamba igqubu yilokho okufanele ukwenze kulezi zimo? Noma kufanele umthethelele umlingani wakho ngokushesha? Uthando lusebenza kanjani ngempela futhi yini okufanele uyenze ukuze ulukhulise?
Ngokujabulisayo, amaGreki asendulo afunda izinhlobo ezihlukahlukene zothando ukuze siziqonde kangcono. Bonga unkulunkulu ngamaGreki ngoba uma ucasulile umngane wakho futhi ungazi nokuthi kungani, ukuqonda uthando ngazo zonke izinhlobo kungase kukusize ukukubonisa ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngokulandelayo. Ubuwazi ukuthi akuzona zonke izinhlobo zothando ezinempilo futhi kukhona okufanele uzigweme? Lapha, sibala izinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano bothando ozoba nabo empilweni yakho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinhlobo Ezi-8 Zokusondelana Ebudlelwaneni
1. I-Eros - uthando esilubiza ngokuthi uthando
Kukhona zonke izinhlobo zothando kulo mhlaba futhi u-Eros nguyena ochaza uthando esicabanga ngalo lapho sizwa igama. "Ngisemathandweni!" ingasho into eyodwa kuphela, akunjalo? Ukuthi uthole umuntu omthanda ngempela, usothandweni, ubudlelwano bocansi naye. Awu, lolo uthando luka-Eros ngawe, oluqanjwe ngonkulunkulu wamaGreki wothando nokuzala.
Kodwa ngokumangalisayo, amaGreki ayesaba lolu hlobo lothando (buza noma ubani ongakwazi ukuyeka ukuhlukana okubi futhi bazosho into efanayo). AmaGreki ayecabanga ukuthi lolu hlobo lothando luphumela ekulahlekelweni ukulawula ngenxa yesimo sethu sokuqala sokudala impilo entsha. Leyo yindlela embi kakhulu yokubheka uthando onalo ngomlingani wakho, singathi.
Lusho ukuthini uthando lwe-"Eros" kuwe?
Okubizwa ngokuthi “uthando lothando”, yilokho okuzwayo uma uqabula, ugona noma uthinta isithandwa sakho. Lolu thando luyachuma ngokuthintana ngokomzimba, uhlobo lapho ungalahla khona noma yini uma unethuba lokugonyuluka nomlingani wakho.
Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungaluzwa kanjani kangcono/uluveze kanjani lolu hlobo lothando, ungabheki ukudlula ubunjalo bomlingani wakho. Batshele ukuthi uyayithanda indlela ababukeka ngayo futhi ubenze bazizwe bekhethekile. Khumbula umuzwa ofudumele we-fuzzy esifubeni sakho lapho umlingani wakho egona ngokuzumayo? Yilokho kanye esikhuluma ngakho lapha.
2. Storge - uthando olujwayelekile
UShazia uphakamisa ukuthi, “Noma yibuphi ubudlelwano obuchuma ngothando kuphela kunzima ukusinda isikhathi eside. Uthando luwumzwelo nje futhi imizwa ayimi ndawonye. Ungamthanda umuntu kakhulu namuhla bese umthande kakhulu noma kancane ngosuku olulandelayo. Kodwa uma uthando luzungezwe ubunye, ukwethembana, isibopho kanye nenhlonipho, ubudlelwano buqina kakhulu. Ukuthemba umuntu kunzima kakhulu kunokumthanda. Uthando olungenawo umuzwa wokuthembana nothando kulula ukululahla. Uthando olujwayelekile luvame ukungafani nalokho.”
I-Storge uthando olugeleza ngokwemvelo phakathi kwabazali nezingane nomndeni wakho. Lolu hlobo lothando lungaba khona naphakathi kwabangane bakho basebuntwaneni njengoba kukhona uhlobo lokujwayelana kulolo budlelwano. I-Storge iletha uthando nokuthembela kulaba bantu ngoba ubelokhu ubathemba kusukela phakade futhi siyazi ukuthi ukwethembana kubaluleke kangakanani ebudlelwaneni . Njengoba izinkumbulo zakho zokuqala zifaka amalungu omndeni wakho, ngokwemvelo uthuthukisa uthando kubo.
Lusho ukuthini kuwe uhlobo lothando “lwesitoko”?
Uthando “lwesitoko” lugqama ngempela phakathi nalezo zingxoxo “ezikhumbulayo”. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano bothando, lobu yibo bonke abantu abahlangabezana nakho futhi abazisa kakhulu. Ukuphila izinkumbulo zakudala nabantu obathandayo kuhlale kwenza ubusuku obumnandi, futhi kuwulimi lothando lwestorge.
Uma uke washayisana nomngane wakho wobuntwana endaweni ethile, uzokhumbula ukuthi lokho kukwenze wajabula kanjani. Usuku lwakho lwenziwe ngokushesha, uzotshela abantu abambalwa ngalo futhi. Kusukela ezinhlotsheni ezihlukene zothando, i-storge ikwenza uzizwe uvikeleke kakhulu.
3. I-Agape - uthando oludlula ubudlelwano obubodwa
Kukhona zonke izinhlobo zothando emhlabeni futhi i-Agape iwuthando oluphelele, olungenabugovu. Ayiphathelene nobudlelwano bomuntu ngamunye empilweni yakho. I-Agape uthando oluzwayo oluya ebuhleni obukhulu, uthando olungenamibandela oluya enkolelweni yokuzwana kwendawo yonke. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo ezahlukene zobudlelwano bothando, lolu yilolo owabelana ngalo nomuntu omkhulu kunawe.
Uhlobo lothando luchazwa kangcono ngendlela amaKristu akholelwa ngayo ukuthi uJesu Kristu wanikela ngokuphila kwakhe ngenxa yezono zethu. Agape uthando olulungile, olusukela ekufuneni ukwenzela abanye okuhle, njengoba ufisa ukuthi benze kuwe. Uyazi, njengalapho uboleka iphephandaba lakho lasekuseni kumakhelwane wakho.
Lusho ukuthini uthando lwe-“Agape” kuwe?
I-Agape uhlobo lothando oluzwayo ngemva kokwenza isenzo sokusiza abantulayo. Ukusiza abadinga usizo, ukubuyisela emphakathini. Ukwenza ingxenye yakho kukwenza uzizwe wanelisekile okunzima ukukufanisa. Iwuhlobo olumsulwa kakhulu lothando njengoba ungalindeli lutho ngempela (ngokungafani nesikhathi lapho ubulindele khona isipho sokugubha unyaka owodwa kumlingani wakho).
Ukusiza abanye kugxilisa umuzwa wenjabulo nothando, yingakho abanye baze banikele ukuphila kwabo ezenzweni zokupha. Sikuphathele ihlaya le-agape: Yathini indela yamaBuddha kumthengisi wezinja ezishisayo? “Ngenze ngibe munye nakho konke”. Yithole? Eyodwa enakho konke… Ungakhathali.
4. Ludus - lapho ingane yakho yangaphakathi ithandana
I-Ludus ibizwa ngokuthi uthando oludlalayo, oluvamile phakathi kwemibhangqwana esemisha edlala ngothando nganoma yiliphi ithuba elitholayo ( uthando lwenja , mhlawumbe?). Kuyisiqalo sobudlelwano obuqalayo, "isigaba somshado" lapho konke kubonakala kuphelele. Uma uke wadlula esigabeni somshado, uyazi ukuthi kungaba kuhle kangakanani futhi. (Uma ungakaze udlule kuso, kuyanconywa ngokweqile. Siyafunga.)
UShazia uyasitshela, “Uthando lokuthatheka noma uthando lomdlwane luwukukhangana ngokushesha okufana nomuzwa ojulile wothando ngomuntu. Umuntu unamathela kakhulu ngokomzwelo kulesi sigaba, aze ashaye indiva amaphutha omunye umuntu. Aluhlali isikhathi eside kodwa futhi akulula ukuphuma kuwo. Kungenzeka futhi kunoma ibuphi ubudala futhi alugcini nje ngokuba khona phakathi kwezizukulwane ezincane.”
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Konke Okufanele Ukwazi Ngezinhlobo Ezi-7 Zezindaba Ezikhona
Lusho ukuthini kuwe uhlobo lothando lwe-“Ludus”?
Umuzwa obuhlungu owutholayo uma udlala ngothando nomlingani wakho ekuqaleni kobudlelwano. Ngeke ukwazi ukuvala ucingo ngoba nobabili nizama ukunquma ukuthi ubani ovala ucingo kuqala. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo zothando kulo mhlaba, i-Ludus ingahle ibe mnandi kakhulu.
Phakathi kwezinhlobo ezahlukene zothando, i-Ludus - lapho ubiza khona umlingani wakho ngokuthi "i-honey bun" esidlangalaleni - iyona futhi abangani bakho abayizondayo. Abangani bakho abakwazi ukubekezelela imigilingwane enyanyekayo kodwa emnandi eninayo nobabili. Uyayeka ukuba umuntu oyedwa, abangani bakho manje sebeyazi noma kuphi lapho umenywe khona, “ibhanisi yakho yoju” nayo iyamakwa.
5. Ukuhlanya - uthando okungafanele ube nalo
I-Mania uthando olungapheli, oluchazwa kangcono njengokuthembela kumuntu oyedwa. Kulapho kukhona ukungalingani kothando ebudlelwaneni. Ngokuvamile kuholela emoneni, ekubeni nobunikazi, kanye nobudlelwano obunobuthi obujwayelekile . AmaGreki asendulo abiza lokhu ngokuthi i-obsessive love mania, kanti abantu beminyaka eyinkulungwane kulezi zinsuku babiza nje ngokuthi abahlaseli noma ngisho nama-stans (abalandeli be-stalker).
UShazia uthi, “Ngokuvamile abantu abathatheka kakhulu othandweni ngokuvamile babhekana nokuphazamiseka okungokomzwelo okungaqondakali. Lokhu kubenza bavikeleke ngokweqile kulabo abacabanga ukuthi bathandana nabo. Abekho esimweni sengqondo sokuqaphela imizwa yabo yangempela.
Lusho ukuthini kuwe uhlobo lothando lwe-“Mania”?
Uma ucabanga ukuthi uhileleke ebudlelwaneni be-mania, kufanele uzame ukuphuma kubo. Isithandwa esizimele singashintsha sibe nzima ngokwedlulele ukubhekana nozakwenu othathekile futhi singenye yezinhlobo zobudlelwano bothando umuntu okufanele azigweme. Uma ethanda isithombe sakho seminyaka emine edlule nisaqala ukwazana, mhlawumbe umbuze ukuthi ubudlelwano bakhe bangaphambili bebunjani ngaphambi kokuthi ugxumele kobunye nabo.
6. Philautia - ukuzibeka phambili
I-Philautia iwuhlobo olufanele lokuzithanda okufanele wonke umuntu alujwayeze. Emphakathini wanamuhla, sihlaselwe izithombe zokuthi “kufanele” ubukeke kanjani nezindlela “zokuba ngcono” ngokwakho, njengokungathi kukhona uhlobo olulodwa olufanele wonke umuntu. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo ezahlukene zothando, singaphikisa ukuthi i-Philautia ibaluleke kakhulu.
Zamukele njengoba unjalo futhi ungabi nemizwa yokuzithukuthelela. Impilo yakho yengqondo izochuma futhi uzozazi kangcono. Ngenxa yalokho, zonke ezinye izinhlobo zobudlelwano bothando ozoba nazo zizochuma. Ukuzithanda kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuthola uthando lweqiniso.
U-Shazia uyasitshela, "Ukuzithanda kuwuhlobo lothando olubaluleke kakhulu, kuyo yonke iminyaka. Kulesi sikhathi esithuthuke kakhulu kwezobuchwepheshe esinezinto eziningi ezenzeka eduze kwethu, kwenza kubaluleke nakakhulu ukuba nokuzithanda. Umuntu ongakwazi ukuzithanda yena, akakwazi ukuthanda abanye. Ukuzinakekela kuyinto engcono kakhulu ongazenzela yona. Ukukhomba noma ukuqaphela imizwa yakho ibalulekile. Uma nje ukuzinakekela kuyihora lokuzinakekela. ngokwethu, kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho singakwazi ukunakekela abanye.”
Lusho ukuthini kuwe uhlobo lothando lwe-“Philautia”?
Ukuzamukela ngendlela oyikho kunokuba ubalekele kuzoba into enempilo kakhulu ongayenza. Kuyaye kuthiwe awukwazi ukuba sebudlelwaneni bothando uze ufunde ukuzithanda ngokweqiniso. Kungemva kokuba usuzazisile lapho usukwazi khona ukwabelana nothile ngobudlelwano obuzuzisayo ngokulinganayo.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezicacile Eziyi-12 Zokuthi Uthathekile Futhi Awukho Othandweni
7. I-Pragma - uthando oluhlala njalo
I-Pragma iyisibonakaliso sobudlelwano obude nobunempilo. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo ezahlukene zothando, lolu yilona olukwenza umuntu athi 'Awu!' kakhulu. Luhlobo lothando olubonayo phakathi kwemibhangqwana ebilokhu ihlangene iminyaka eminingi, ngisho namashumi eminyaka. Luyavuthwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uthando oluye lwagcinwa ngomzamo olinganayo nokucabangelana okuvela kubo bobabili abalingani, uthando oluhlala phakade.
Lusho ukuthini kuwe uhlobo lothando lwe-“Pragma”?
Uyakhumbula ukuthi ngesinye isikhathi wabona umbhangqwana omdala wathi “Omg! Ngiyakufuna lokho ” ? Yilolo hlobo lothando oluyi-pragma. Uma isigaba se-honeymoon siphela futhi sihamba nokudlala ngothando, uma uthando seluqhakaze isikhathi eside, bese kufika uhlobo lothando esilwazi njengoPragma. Kuyisibopho esibonakala sengathi asisoze saphuka. Uhlobo lothando wonke umuntu afuna ukulufinyelela. “Ukuguga ndawonye”. Yini engcono?
8. Philia - uthando onalo ngabangane bakho
I-Philia yaziwa njengothando olunothando, uthando oluqinile noluqotho oluzwayo ngabangane bakho. Ubungane, uma sebufakazele ukuthi bungakwazi ukumelana nezihlabathi zesikhathi, buyingxenye ebaluleke kakhulu empilweni yawo wonke umuntu.
U-Shazia ukhanyisa okufanayo ngokuthi, "Ubudlelwane bukaPlato bubizwa kakhulu ngokuthi uhlobo olumsulwa kakhulu lothando njengoba lungabandakanyi noma yikuphi ukusondelana ngokomzimba noma ngokocansi. Omunye uthanda omunye ngenxa yomuntu wangaphakathi kuphela. Kunemingcele enempilo futhi akukho ukungavikeleki ebuhlotsheni. Okulindelwe nakho kungokoqobo futhi akufuneki kakhulu. Umuntu angaba sebudlelwaneni bezothando futhi abe nakho okunye ubudlelwano obuseduze nomunye umuntu. "
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Ukuchitha Isikhathi Nabangane Okusiza Ngayo Ukuthuthukisa Ubuhlobo Bakho
Lusho ukuthini uthando lwe-“Philia” kuwe?
Lolo cingo uyaluthola uma umngane wakho esenkingeni? I-philia leyo. Lapho ukwethembana nothando kuhamba ngazo zombili, ubungane buyachuma. Uzizwa sengathi unenetha yokuphepha uma kukhona okungahambi kahle. Kodwa akukhawulelwe ezikhathini ezimbi nje kuphela, uthando lwe-philia lukhanya ngempela lapho nichitha isikhathi ndawonye ngoba nixhuma kahle kakhulu.
Lezo zikhathi zokuphuza zomuntu oyedwa ziphenduka izingxoxo zobusuku bonke, isikhathi enahamba ngaso ndawonye, isikhathi omunye wenu athola ngaso leso siteketiso esaziwa ngaso. Ngempela, uthando lobungane luyinto emangalisayo.
Kukhona zonke izinhlobo zothando kulo mhlaba, futhi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzizwa luphi, into ebalulekile okufanele uyikhumbule ukulazisa futhi uphile ngaleso sikhathi. Ngaphandle uma uzizwa uhlanya, nokho. Ngicela ungaculi abantu obathandayo ngemuva kwehlathi. Awufuni ukuthi uthando lwakho lugcine seluyindaba yezindaba.
Izinhlobo Eziyi-10 Ezihlukene Zamadoda
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
