Uma ngisebenzisa igama elithi “indaba,” ucabangani ngaso leso sikhathi? Ukulala nomuntu ongeyena umlingani wakho ngenkathi usebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele, obunomfazi oyedwa, akunjalo? Hhayi-ke, izwe lokungathembeki liyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu kunalokho, futhi empeleni, kunezinhlobo eziyisi-7 zezindaba. Abantu abakopela baqhutshwa yizizathu ezahlukene, kuye ngezinhlobo zobuntu zabakopela.
Isibonelo, wake wayibuka ifilimu ethi Last Night ? Yindaba emayelana nokusebenza kwangaphakathi komshado, lapho bobabili abalingani belingeka khona yizinhlobo ezahlukene zokungathembeki ngemva kwengxabano eshisayo. Ihlola ubunzima bobudlelwano kanye nezindlela ezahlukahlukene abantu abangathembeki ngazo. Uyabona, abanye abakhohlisi baqhutshwa izici ezifana nokuzikhukhumeza noma ilungelo lobunikazi. Abanye bayakopela ngoba banesithukuthezi noma banokuzethemba okuphansi.
Abanye bajabulela injabulo yezindaba eziyimfihlo, ukunyonyoba nokubalekela. Abanye bayakopela ngoba besaba ukusondelana. Bese kuba khona abaqola ngoba becabanga ukuthi bashade nomuntu ongafanele. Njengoba sishilo, ubudlelwano obungaphandle komshado buyinkimbinkimbi, kanjalo nezisusa zabantu zokubusukela. Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ukuhlomele ukubhekana naleli bhola lejika uma kungenzeka likushaye, ake sihlole ukuthi yiziphi izinhlobo zezindaba ezihlanganisa nokuthi singabhekana kanjani nazo.
Izinhlobo Eziyisi-7 Zezindaba obungazi Ngazo
Okuqukethwe
Ngakho-ke, yini efaneleka njengokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni? Ingabe kubhekwa njengothando kuphela uma bobabili abantu beshadile ? Ingabe uthando luhlala luwuthando? Ingabe kubhekwa njengokungathembeki uma umuntu ehileleke ngokomzwelo komunye umuntu ongeyena umlingani wakhe oyinhloko? Ayikho impendulo ecacile noma efanele yale mibuzo.
Incazelo yokungathembeki nokukopela ebudlelwaneni ingahluka emibhangqwaneni ehlukene. Abanye bangase bafinyelele umugqa wokwethembeka ekuthembekeni ngokobulili kuyilapho abanye bengase babheke ukudlala ngothando okungenangozi njengokukopela. Ekugcineni, kubikela kubalingani ababili abasebudlelwaneni ukuze bachaze ukuthi yini engahlanganisa ukukopela noma ukuba neshende. Sesikushilo lokho, ukuqonda ukuthi izinhlobo ezahlukene zezindaba zibukeka kanjani kungakusiza wena nozakwenu ninqume ukuthi yikuphi phakathi kwalokhu eningakwengeza njengezindawo okungafanele uhambe kuzo ebudlelwaneni benu:
1. Ucansi
Izindaba zocansi zibalwa njengezande kakhulu phakathi kwezinhlobo ezahlukene zokukopela. Ngokuvamile, lokhu kuhilela ukuxhumana okuqinile ngokomzimba okungenabo izibopho ezijulile zomzwelo. Kodwa-ke, ubuhlobo obungokomzwelo bungase buguqule ubulili futhi. Kodwa kaningi kunalokho, lezi zihlukaniswa njengama-flings noma ama-hookups avamile futhi zenziwa ngasese, zifihliwe kumlingani.
Empeleni, lezi zindaba zigxile ekufezeni izifiso zokuqala. Isisusa salokhu kungaba ukuntuleka kokwaneliseka ngokocansi noma ukulahleka kwenhlansi ebudlelwaneni obuyinhloko, noma injabulo kanye nesasasa lokungena emanzini angavunyelwe.
Umthelela ebuhlotsheni
Umthelela wothando lobulili ebudlelwaneni ungaba mkhulu kakhulu. Umlingani okhohlisiwe uvame ukuzwa imizwa yokulimala nokungafaneleki. Ukwephulwa kokwethembana kuyinselele ebalulekile yobudlelwano, okungaholela ekuqhekekeni kokuxhumana kanye nokungazethembi. Ukwakha kabusha uthando ngemva kokulimala ngokomzwelo kudinga isikhathi, ingxoxo evulekile, kanye nokwelashwa kwemibhangqwana.
2. Indaba yemizwa
Ubudlelwano obungokomzwelo buqala ngokunganaki njengobungane futhi kancane kancane buguquka bube yisibopho esijulile. Bungase buguquke bube ubuhlobo bothando, bungene endaweni yobuhlobo obuyinhloko. Amandla ashukumisayo ngokuvamile yizidingo ezingokomzwelo ezingahlangatshezwanga noma ukuntuleka kokwaneliseka. Nakuba ubuhlobo obunjalo bungase bungahileli ukusondelana ngokomzimba ekuqaleni, bungaphendukela kuleyo ndawo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Amandla alobu budlelwano bokungashadi anamandla. Ukwakha ukunamathelana ngokomzwelo kulula kodwa ukuhlukana kungaba yinselele. Lokhu kungaba enye yezinto eziholela emshadweni. Ake sibheke i-psychology yezindaba ngosizo lwemiphumela : 15% yabesifazane abashadile kanye no-25% wamadoda ashadile bavumile ukuthi bahlanganyela ocansini ngaphandle komshado. Kodwa uma kukhulunywa ngokungathembeki ngokomzwelo emshadweni, izinombolo ziyanda. Cishe u-35% wabesifazane kanye no-45% wamadoda babike ukuthi basebudlelwaneni ngokomzwelo okungenani kanye emshadweni wabo. Kuyathakazelisa, akunjalo?
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Umthelela ebuhlotsheni
Lapho izindaba ziphenduka uthando, umphumela wazo uba mkhulu. Ubudlelwano bothando ngaphandle komshado buqeda ukwethembana nokuxhumana ngokomzwelo, okuholela emizweni yokukhaphela, umona, nokungazethembi kumlingani okutholayo. Izindaba ezithinta imizwa zigqamisa ukubaluleka kokuqhubeka ukhulisa ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo nozakwethu kanye nesidingo sokuvikela imingcele ebuhlotsheni obuzibophezele.
3. Indaba eku-inthanethi
Ngokomlando, amadoda abelokhu evame ukukopela, kodwa izindaba eziku-inthanethi zingase zishintshe lokho kuguquguquka. Phakathi kwezinhlobo ezahlukene zezindaba, yilapho:
- Umuntu uba nokuxhumana okuqinile, noma okubonakalayo, nothile ongaphandle kobudlelwane
- Baqala ukwabelana ngolwazi lwabo, ukwesaba, imizwa, nemizwa nozakwethu abaku-inthanethi kunozakwethu oyinhloko
- Ozakwethu abaku-inthanethi baba isifuba somunye nomunye
- Lokhu kuholela esibophweni esiqinile ngokomzwelo futhi lokho futhi, ngokushesha
Izindaba zedijithali ekugcineni zingangena endaweni yokusondelana ngokocansi ngokusebenzisa imiyalezo yocansi kanye nocansi oluyi-virtual ngekholi yevidiyo. Lokhu kungaholela ebuhlotsheni obuqinile nobuseduze. Phakathi kwezinhlobo eziyisi-7 zezindaba, lokhu kulula kakhulu ukuzifaka kuzo ngoba ungakwazi ukuzibandakanya kukho kusukela ukunethezeka kwekhaya lakho.
Yini eqhuba indaba yedijithali, uyazibuza? Uma une-smartphone yakho, ungafinyelela umuntu noma yikuphi nganoma yisiphi isikhathi. Futhi konke okukhokhela le mpilo ekabili izindleko zezindleko zomhlinzeki wakho wesevisi. Izipho ze-E, izingoma nge-WhatsApp, nezithombe zasekuseni nokushona kwelanga akubizi lutho! Umuntu angakwazi ukufihla iziphambeko zakhe isikhathi eside njengoba ukukopela akwenzeki empilweni yangempela.
Umthelela ebuhlotsheni
Izindaba eziku-inthanethi, ngenxa yokufinyelela kalula, zingalutheka kakhulu. Ngaso sonke isikhathi nokunaka umuntu akunikeza umlingani wakhe wezothando kudla ngesikhathi sekhwalithi abengasinikela kumlingani wakhe wokuqala. Lokhu kungabangela ibanga ukuthi lingene ebudlelwaneni, kushayele abalingani ababili ngokuhlukana futhi kwenze buthaka ukuxhumana kwabo.
4. Ukuthandana okungajwayelekile
Ucansi olungahleliwe ngaphandle kobudlelwano ngokuvamile luhlanganisa ukuhlangana kobusuku obubodwa noma ukuhlangana ngaphandle kwesibopho nomuntu wesithathu ovumelana naye. Ngokwencazelo, ukuhlangana kobusuku obubodwa cishe kumayelana nocansi kuphela. Lokhu kuvame ukusekelwe ekucabangeni, kwenziwa nabantu ongabazi, futhi akuhambisani ngempela nobulili ngoba kaningi, kuyinto eyenzeka kanye kuphela. Ucansi olungahleliwe lungahlukaniswa njengobudlelwano uma kuyilungiselelo eliphindaphindayo elingenasibopho.
Umthelela ebuhlotsheni
Ingabe isitendi sobusuku obubodwa siyathethelelwa? Kungenzeka yini ukudlula ukungathembeki uma bekuwubulili obungenangqondo nje? Impendulo incike ezimweni, ohlelweni lwenani labo bobabili abalingani kanye nesimo sokweqa. Kodwa-ke, ochwepheshe abaningi bayavuma ukuthi ukudlula ebudlelwaneni obuvamile kungase kube lula kunokushalazela into ejulile, njengendaba engokomzwelo. Amathuba alele ekuzibophezeleni kwabo bobabili ozakwethu ekwenzeni ubudlelwano babo bube ngcono.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uNandita Rambhia sithi, “Lapho uvuselela ukwethembana, isinyathelo sokuqala ukuvuma ukuthi kube nomonakalo. Lokhu kungaba yindaba ebucayi kodwa kumele kuxazululwe. Kudingeka uzwela olukhulu, oluvela kumuntu obangele umonakalo ongokomzwelo, ukuvuma ukuthi uyena obe nesibopho sokucindezeleka komunye umlingani. Kubalulekile ukunikeza isikhala nokuba nesineke nokubekezela okukhulu.”
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5. Escape affair
Izindaba zokuphunyuka noma zokuphazamiseka zenzeka lapho umlingani oyedwa ecindezelekile. Kungase kuqalwe ukupela okubi emsebenzini wabo, isimo esibucayi emndenini, ukushonelwa othandekayo, noma izinkinga ebuhlotsheni ngokwabo. Lapho umuntu eye waba nobunzima ekubhekaneni nalezi zinkinga ezingathi sína, ezicindezelayo, angaba sengozini yokuhileleka ekuqomeni. Ukuqomisana kuyindlela yokuziphazamisa ezingcindezini zamanje zokuphila noma ukubalekela iqiniso elibuhlungu.
Umthelela ebuhlotsheni
Izindaba zokuphazamiseka zingase zizwakale njengomoya omusha ekuqaleni, kodwa ekugcineni zigcine zengeze ukucindezeleka okukhulu empilweni esivele icindezelekile. Ukuqamba amanga nokukhohlisa njalo kanye nomuzwa wecala kungadlala indima embi kumuntu ngokwakhe kanye nokuphila kwakhe. Lokhu kungabangela abalingani ukuba baqhelelane ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo . Nakuba kungekho impendulo ecacile yokuthi kungani kwenzeka ubudlelwano bobulili obungaphandle komshado, lolu hlobo lobudlelwano luvame ukwenzeka lapho abantu bengakwazi ukubhekana nokucindezeleka kokuphila futhi bengatholi ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo okudingekayo ebudlelwaneni babo obuyinhloko.
6. Phuma endabeni
Indaba yokuphuma iyingozi kakhulu ezinhlotsheni eziyisi-7 zezindaba. Lapha umlingani okhohlisayo uxhunywe ngengqondo, umzimba, futhi mhlawumbe ngisho nomphefumulo nomuntu othandana naye. Usothandweni futhi unobudlelwane obuqinile obunenjongo nomuntu othandana naye. Futhi umngane womshado, kunjalo, akanalo ulwazi.
Lapha, umuntu uphila ukuphila okumbaxa-mbili -
- Izidingo zabo ezingokomzwelo/ zomzimba ziyahlangatshezwa nozakwethu, kuyilapho izidingo zabo zomndeni zihlangatshezwa nozakwethu oyinhloko
- Ubudlelwano obubili obufanayo lapho etshalwe ngokulinganayo kukho kokubili futhi ngokujulile
- Abantu abanalolu hlobo bagcina sebeyizingcweti zokukhohlisa nochwepheshe ekuqambeni amanga nokukhohlisa
Izenzo ezinjalo ziqala lapho umuntu engajabule emshadweni/ebuhlotsheni bakhe kodwa engenalo ithuba lokuphuma ngenxa yesizathu esithile - izingane, ukondla ingane, ukugwema izingxabano emshadweni, njll. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yisiphi isizathu, uzizwa ebhajwe emshadweni. Ubuhlobo buphenduka indlela ephelele yokuphunyuka empilweni engagculisi, futhi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, bungaba yinto ebaluleke njengobuhlobo obuyinhloko uma kungenjalo kakhulu. Lezi yizinhlobo zezenzo ezingaqeda imishado lapho umlingani okhohlisayo ekugcineni efinyelela esigabeni empilweni lapho ukuphuma kungeyona into esabekayo.
Umthelela ebuhlotsheni
Ingabe izindaba zokuphuma ziyaphumelela? Nokho, impumelelo yobudlelwano obunjalo incike ekutheni ubuhlobo phakathi kwabalingani bomshado bujule kangakanani. Kodwa-ke, izibopho ezijulile ngokomzwelo ngaphandle kobudlelwano zingaba ezicindezelayo kakhulu. Ngokusho kocwaningo , lezo zindaba zobudlelwano ngaphandle komshado zibangela usizi kubo bonke abathintekayo. Kutholakale ukuthi zihlotshaniswa nokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, ngisho ne-PTSD, okuholela ekuhlukaniseni.
7. Indaba yesikhathi eside
Ngokuphathelene nokutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo kanye nohlobo lobudlelwano, ubuhlobo besikhathi eside bufana kakhulu nobudlelwano bokuphuma, ngaphandle kokuthi ukuphela ndawonye akuyona inketho yabalingani abathandanayo. Ngakho-ke, oyedwa noma bobabili bangaqhubeka nokuhlala ebudlelwaneni babo bokuqala ngenkathi beqhubeka nobudlelwano obuhambisanayo. Uma bengatholakali, lokhu kungaba izindaba zokuphila konke.
Izindaba ezinjalo zivame ukubamba phakathi kwabantu asebenokuxhumana okuqinile ngokomzwelo. Isibonelo, abantu abadala abaphinde baxhumane bodwa noma abangani abaqhubeka nokuzwana ngomunye nomunye ngemuva kokuthi oyedwa noma bobabili besebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele.
Umthelela ebuhlotsheni
Akudingekile ukusho ukuthi, umthelela wokuthandana kwesikhathi eside ebuhlotsheni obuyinhloko kanye nomlingani okhohliswayo ungaba buhlungu kakhulu. Ngisho nalapho umlingani okhashiwe engazi ngobudlelwano bomlingani wabo obufanayo, angase ahlupheke ngenxa yokuxhumana okungokomzwelo okungaphansi nempilo engagculisi. Uma futhi lapho ukuqomisana kutholwa, kungashiya ukuzethemba kozakwabo okhashiwe kufiphele, kubashiye begcwele ukungabaza, intukuthelo, nobuhlungu. Yiqiniso, kusongela ikusasa lobuhlobo ngokwawo.
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Ngabe Indaba Zike Zisebenze?
Ingabe izindaba ziyaphumelela? Impendulo yalo mbuzo incike kakhulu kulokho umuntu akushoyo ngokuthi “zivocavoce”. Uma kusho ukuthi izindaba ziyaphumelela njengobudlelwano bokuqala obuphumelelayo, khona-ke umphumela mubi. Izibalo zingu-5-7% kuphela zezindaba eziphelela emishadweni, futhi kulezo, u-75% ngokuvamile awuhlali isikhathi eside. Ngakho-ke, izindaba azibonakali zinesithembiso esikhulu uma kukhulunywa ngokuzibophezela kwesikhathi eside.
Sesikushilo lokho, ukuqeda ubuhlobo noma ukuqhakaza kube into ehlala njalo akuyona inhloso yezindaba ngaso sonke isikhathi. Njengoba kungenzeka ukuthi ubonile ukuhamba ngezinhlobo eziyisi-7 zezindaba ezivame ukuba khona, ngayinye yalezi isebenzela inhloso ehlukile. Ezinye zinikeza injabulo nokwaneliseka ngokobulili, ezinye ziwumthombo wenduduzo engokomzwelo. Lezi zivame ukuhlala isikhashana. Uma befeza leyo njongo ngesikhathi besaphila, abanye bangabheka lezo zindaba njengempumelelo, ngisho noma kungenjalo ngomqondo ovamile waleli gama.
Kulapho izindaba ziphenduka uthando kuphela lapho izinto ziba nzima khona futhi ubudlelwano obuyinhloko bungase bufihlwe yizihlobo zangaphandle komshado. Ngisho nasezimweni ezinjalo, amathuba okuba abalingani ababili abathandanayo bakhe ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo mancane kakhulu. Imithwalo yemizwa evela ebuhlotsheni obuphukile lapho uxhumano olunjalo lukhona ingaba nzima kakhulu ukuyinaka.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Kunezinhlobo eziyisi-7 zezindaba, ezisukela kwezocansi nezijwayelekile kuye kwezingokomzwelo nezesikhathi eside
- Abantu bayakopela ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene, kusukela ekucikekeni kuye ekunganeliseki, injabulo, noma imizwa engaxazululeki ngomlingani wangaphambili.
- Ukukopela kuthinta ubudlelwano ngezindlela ezahlukene, okuholela ekunqamukeni kokuxhumana, ukungavikeleki kanye nezindaba zokwethembana
- Iphesenti elincane lezindaba lingase liphumelele kodwa iningi lazo aliholeli ekuzinikeleni isikhathi eside
- Izindaba zingahlala cishe izinyanga ezi-6-8 kodwa lo mugqa wesikhathi ungahluka
Ngethemba, ufunde okuncane ngezinhlobo ezahlukene zezindaba. Lapho ubuhlobo buba isisulu sanoma yikuphi kwalokhu, umphumela ngokuvamile uba usizi nosizi. Kufaka wonke umuntu ohilelekile kwalasha wokungaqiniseki futhi akuvezi lutho ngaphandle kobuhlungu.
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Ukuvuma Kwabesifazane Abahlanu Abathi, "Umyeni Wami Wakhohlisa Kodwa Ngizizwa Nginecala"
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Ziningi izindlela nezindlela zokuhlasela ubungcwele bomshado kulezi zinsuku. Kafushane nje, noma nini lapho othile enezingxoxo ezinde zekhwalithi nothile azizwa engakwazi ukuba nomngane wakhe womshado kuyisibonakaliso esikhulu sengozi eyisixwayiso salokho okusazokwenzeka.
“ngokomlando, amadoda ayevame ukukopela”
Ngicabanga ukuthi i-Maury kanye ne-DNA bayiphikisa ngokuphelele leyo theory yakho engenasisekelo.
Manje ngishintshe igama lami nge-deed poll: ukusuka kuSusan Glenwood kuya kuSusan Moreland
Bengithandana nomuntu engisebenza naye, muhle futhi muhle, ngamesabisa ngezipho, besibonana endlini engenalutho, yami, emakhilomitha angama-20 kude nasekhaya. Kumele ngimsebenzise, angifuni ukuthi isoka lami lenze into eyenzeka ngemuva kwakhe, ngoba ngeke liphinde lingithembe, licabanga ukuthi angithembekile emehlweni akhe. Kuzodingeka ngiqede ngomsizi wami, ngemva kokuba umuzi wami ose-derby uqashiwe, angifuni ukuba umasebenzi wami angahambi lapho ngihlala khona e-Nottingham ngoba isoka lami lifika ngemva komsebenzi. Umsizi uyasazi isibongo sami. Umsizi ungishiyela imilayezo emihle futhi ngimthumelele imilayezo emihle, konke kuhlobene nothando nothando. Akwenzekanga ngaso leso sikhathi. Uke washada ngaphambili, umsizi, ngizwa ukuthi umndeni wakhe akukho lutho oluhambile. Ngitshele umsizi ukuthi ngifuna igcinwe iyimfihlo futhi ibe ngeyomuntu siqu. Ngibona sengathi ubudlelwano angeke buqhubeke ngoba nginaye isoka lami ebengihlala nalo. Ngingahle ngihloniphe izifiso zika-handyman, ngizodinga ukuyeka ukuhlangana naye endlini yami ye-derby, kunokuba ezothola umlayezo. Umsizi ufuna uthando olwengeziwe kimi. Ngithatheke, ngiyezwa. Umsizi uthi ngemva kokuba indlu yami iqashelwe, ngiyakwazi ukuhlala endaweni yakhe lapho ethe singenza khona uthando ubusuku nemini, lokho kuyiyisa kwelinye izinga, ngizizwa, kunokuba athi angama endlini yami e-Nottingham. Ngimtshele ukuthi ngifuna kugcinwe ngasese ngoba angifuni wonke umuntu angala ngakho. Ngizizwa ngidinga ukuyiyeka le nto, ngoba ibizwa nge-cheating futhi ngizwa sengathi iyaphuma esandleni, ibizwa ngokuthi i-double lifestyle, engiphila ngayo, ngiyangena kuyo, iya ngokuya ijula. Abanye abantu kufanele bawele ogibeni olufanayo.