12 Amaqiniso Achaza Kungani Owesifazane Omdala Ubudlelwano Nensizwa Encane Busebenza

Emkhakheni wobudlelwano bothando, uthando alunamingcele. Izinkambiso zendabuko ezazivalela imibhangqwana kubakaki obuqinile beminyaka manje ziya ngokuya ziphelelwa yisikhathi. Okusha okuguquguqukayo kuye kwavela emashumini ambalwa eminyaka adlule: Ubuhlobo bowesifazane omdala nendoda encane.

Asikhulume osaziwayo. Inkanyezi eyintandokazi yawo wonke umuntu, u-Helena Bonham Carter, unegebe leminyaka engu-21 nozakwabo, u-Rye Dag Holmboe. UMongameli waseFrance u-Emmanuel Macron ushade noBrigitte Macron oneminyaka engu-24 ubudala kunaye. Umlingisi u-Eva Mendes uneminyaka engu-7 ubudala kunomyeni wakhe uRyan Gosling. Umlingisi uCameron Diaz, 51, ushade noBenji Madden, 44. Futhi nokunye. Nakuba lezi zindaba zothando ezidelela ubudala zingase ziphakamise amashiya, kusekhona icala eliphoqayo okufanele lenziwe mayelana nekhemistri elingenakuphikwa phakathi kwabesifazane abadala namadoda amancane.

Kulesi sihloko, sizohlola isayensi nokusebenza kwengqondo kobudlelwano bowesifazane osekhulile nendoda encane ukuze sinikeze ukuqonda kokuthi kungani lezi zibopho zibe yingxenye ebalulekile nehlala njalo yothando lwesimanje. Ngaphambili, sinikeza umbono omusha othandweni, ubudala, kanye nezindlela eziguqukayo ezihlala zivela zobudlelwano besifazane abadala nendoda encane.

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Ngokwezibalo, engu-12 kuyo yonke imishado eyikhulu yase-US ihilela owesifazane osekhulile nensizwa. Ngokusebenzisa indlela efanayo nasemthonjeni ofanayo, kungatholakala ukuthi cishe u-14.8% wemibhangqwana uhlanganyela ebudlelwaneni bowesifazane osemusha nomdala. I-census ibika ukuthi u-6.9% wabesifazane baneminyaka emi-2-3 ubudala kunabayeni babo. Iphesenti liyehla njengoba igebe lobudala likhula. U-0.7% wabesifazane ocwaningweni baneminyaka engu-15 ubudala noma ngaphezulu kunabashade nabo.

Izibalo ezengeziwe zobudlelwane phakathi kowesifazane omdala nowesilisa osemncane: Ucwaningo lwe-AARP e-US luthole ukuthi phakathi kwabangashadile abadala abangu-3,500, u-34% wabesifazane abaseqenjini leminyaka engu-40-69 bajola namadoda amancane. Futhi u-14% wabesifazane abaneminyaka engu-50–59 bathi bancamela ukuthandana namadoda aneminyaka engu-40 noma ngaphansi. Ukuhambisana kobudlelwano kubonakala kuvame kakhulu kunalokho obekulindelwe kulokhu kumataniswa. Ngakho-ke, uthanda noma ungathandi, ubudlelwano besifazane asebekhulile besilisa bulapha ukuhlala.

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Ungase uzibuze ukuthi kungani owesifazane osekhulile ejola nensizwa encane esebenza. Ngisho noma kunamaqiniso angenhla, ungase ubuze, “Kodwa kungani insizwa ingakhangwa owesifazane osekhulile?

Iqiniso liwukuthi amadoda amaningi ayathanda ukuthandana nowesifazane ozimele onolwazi olunzulu. Ubuhle bokuvuthwa bungakhanga kakhulu endodeni. Kwabaningi, ubuhlobo bowesifazane omdala nendoda encane benza izimanga futhi bungaba isikhathi eside noma buhlale impilo yonke. Kwamanye amasiko agubha uthando olungajwayelekile, kukhona nomqondo wokuthi owesifazane omdala uletha inhlanhla kubuhle bakhe obuncane. Kodwa ngisho nasemasikweni angahambisani nobudlelwano begebe lobudala, uzothola izinsizwa zibhala kuma-bios azo wohlelo lokusebenza lokuphola: “Ngiyabathanda abantu besifazane abadala.” Abaningi babo bathandana nabesifazane abadala ngisho nalapho amalungu omndeni wabo engavumi.

Ekupheleni kosuku, kuyisinqumo esivumelanayo esenziwe abantu abadala abavumile. Futhi akukho okuningi okuguquguqukayo kwamandla okudlalwa njengobudlelwane bamadoda amadala nabesifazane abasebasha lapho insizwa ivame ukuba nesandla esiphezulu. Ngakho-ke, lungiselela ukuvalelisa esimweni sakho somphakathi njengoba siveza ukuthi yini eyenza ubudlelwano bomfana nentombazane endala busebenze.

1. Ikhemikhali yezocansi igesi

Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi abesifazane bafinyelela ubulili obuphakeme kakhulu lapho befika eminyakeni engu-30 no-40, futhi amadoda enza kanjalo lapho efika eminyakeni engu-20. Lokhu kusho ukuthi i- ukuhambisana ngokocansi phakathi kwabesilisa abasebasha kanye nabesifazane abadala ebudlelwaneni begebe lobudala ngokuvamile akunakuphikwa. Indaba: I-Supermodel kanye nomsakazi we-TV u-Heidi Klum, 50, oshade no-Tom Kaulitz, 34, uthe engxoxweni: "Impela ubukeka enqunu kakhulu!"

Abelaphi bezithandani baze banikeze lokhu njengesikhuthazo lapho benikeza amakhasimende iseluleko sobudlelwane phakathi kowesifazane omdala nendoda encane. UDkt. Shefali Batra, uchwepheshe wezifo zengqondo ophakeme kanye nochwepheshe bobudlelwane obusekelwe ekucabangeni, uyahlanganyela, "Ngikhumbula ngibona indoda eneminyaka engu-25 ubudala ehlala nowesifazane oneminyaka engu-36. Ubuhlobo ekuqaleni babugxile kwezocansi. Wayemdala futhi enolwazi oluthe xaxa futhi unokuningi ayengakunikeza owesilisa osemusha futhi onomdlandla. Ukugxila kwakungagxili kakhulu ekuzibophezeleni njengasekujabuleleni ucansi."

Phela, lapho owesifazane esekhulile, kunendawo eyengeziwe yokugxila ezicini ezijabulisayo zobudlelwane obudala-abasha kunokuba sikhathazeke ngekusasa ngokuphathelene nomshado, izingane, ukuthenga indlu, njll. Injalo i-psychology yobudlelwane bendoda endala-yendoda encane, okungenani esigabeni sabo sokuqala.

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2. Kukhona ukucindezeleka ngokwezimali okuncane

Ubudlelwano besifazane abadala nendoda encane buvamise ukuba nengcindezi encane yezezimali uma kuqhathaniswa nobudlelwano lapho bobabili abalingani beneminyaka efanayo. Ziningana izici ezinomthelela kulokhu:

• Ukuphepha kwezezimali: Abesifazane abakulobu budlelwano obudala bavame ukuzinza noma baphumelele emisebenzini yabo futhi bazimele ngokwezimali, okunganikeza ukuvikeleka okukhulu kwezezimali kubo bobabili.
• Izindleko ezabiwe: Abesifazane abadala ukuphola amadoda amancane bafuna ubuhlobo obulinganayo. Ngakho babelana ngezibopho zezezimali, okwenza kube lula ngombhangqwana ukuphatha izimali zabo ndawonye
• Ingcindezi ephansi yezindima zendabuko: Ebudlelwaneni obunjalo begebe leminyaka, iba nengcindezi encane noma ayikho endodeni ukuthi ihlinzekele owesifazane ngokwezimali, ngoba usezisungulile emsebenzini wakhe futhi wazenzela imali eyanele.

Amadoda amaningi nawo akhula ekhululekile ngomqondo wokuthi abesifazane abadala bahola kakhulu futhi bagxile kakhulu emisebenzini yabo. Ngendlela efanayo, abesifazane abakhathazwa isoka/abalingani babo abahola kancane. Obaba abahlala ekhaya manje baba ngokoqobo njengoba ubudlelwano obuholwa abesifazane thatha umhlaba ngesivunguvungu. Esinye sezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani owesifazane osekhulile ejola nensizwa kuyisimo sesikhathi eside nesimi kahle ngokwezimali.

3. Ukuhambisana komzimba kwabesifazane asebekhulile ebudlelwaneni babesilisa abasebasha

Ingabe iminyaka ibalulekile ebudlelwaneni? Kungase kwenzeke, kodwa hhayi ngendlela ocabanga ngayo. Iminyaka yokuphila kwabesifazane iminyaka emihlanu ngaphezu kwabesilisa, futhi ngokocwaningo lwe-BBC, lo mkhuba ubangelwa ukushintsha kwendlela yokuphila, hhayi isayensi yezinto eziphilayo kuphela. Lokhu kusho ukuthi lapho owesifazane esekhulile, umbhangqwana ungase "ulingane ngokomzimba."

Yebo, lokhu akusho ukuthi akukho mzamo odingekayo kulokhu ebudlelwaneni begebe lobudala. Owesifazane uzoba nezinkinga zempilo ezingokomzimba umbhangqwana ozodinga ukubhekana nazo ndawonye. Ukukhulumisana okuvulekile nokusekelwa ngokomzwelo kuzosiza kakhulu ekuqiniseni ubuhlobo bowesifazane osekhulile kanye nensizwa encane.

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4. Bajabulela ukwephula imingcele yomphakathi

Kungenzeka ukuthi usazibuza, “Kungani insizwa encane ikhangwe owesifazane osekhulile kuyilapho ukuthatheka kwabezindaba ngabesifazane abasebasha kuthinta amadoda amaningi kabi?” UFrank, umshisekeli wokukhilosha waseChicago, uyahlanganyela, “Njengoba imiphakathi eminingi ingakuvumi owesifazane omdala-ubudlelwane bendoda encane, kuwuhlobo lokuvukela ngokwalo. Futhi izinsizwa ziyakuthanda ukuhlubuka, yingakho abaningi bethu beqoma abesifazane abadala. Ngiyabathanda abantu besifazane abadala naphezu kwesidingo sokuvukela.”

Futhi, uma umbhangqwana uzimisele ukwephula lesi simiso esithile senhlalo, angase angabi uhlobo lokujabulisa eminye imingcele yenhlalo efana nobuhlanga, uhlanga, isigaba, kanye nenkolo. Yize abanye abantu bezoqhubeka nokugxeka lo mbhangqwana, laba bobabili bazozizwa benamandla ekuvukeleni kwabo lokhu okulindelwe. Futhi umsebenzi abawenzile ukunqoba ama-naysayers uzobanika amandla njengoba abanye abantu bethola ugqozi kubo. Lokhu kungaba ukukhuphula okukhulu ukuzethemba kwabo bobabili ozakwethu.

5. Ukugxekwa komphakathi kubenza babe nobunye

Nazi izeluleko ezithembekile zobudlelwano bowesifazane osekhulile nendoda encane zabesifazane abavuthiwe abesabayo ukugxuma. Ubudlelwano begebe lobudala namadoda asemancane nakanjani budonsela ukungavunyelwa ngumphakathi. Kodwa kungaba nomphumela ongalindelekile wokuqinisa umuzwa wobunye wombhangqwana. Lapho umphakathi ungabaza ukufaneleka kobudlelwano babo, umbhangqwana uvame ukuhlangana ndawonye ukuze uvikele uthando lwawo, udale isibopho esiqinile futhi esingaguquki.

Ukugxekwa kungasebenza njengamandla okufakazela ukuthi uthando lwabo luqotho futhi lungamelana novivinyo lwesikhathi. Lesi sisusa singaholela ekuzibophezeleni okuqinile ebudlelwaneni kanye nomuzwa wokuziqhenya ngemizwa yabo ngomunye nomunye. Imibhangqwana yabesifazane abadala kanye nendoda encane nayo ithola ubumbano emphakathini we ubudlelwano begebe lobudala kanye nemibhangqwana ebhekene nezinselele ezifanayo zomphakathi. Konke lokhu kuholela kubalingani abaningi abazithembayo.

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6. Izingxabano ezihlobene nobudala zingazenza zibe namandla uma zizulazula ngendlela efanele

Nakuba ukuhlukana kweminyaka kungaletha izinselele eziyingqayizivele ebudlelwaneni babesifazane namadoda amancane, lezi zinselele zingaba amathuba okukhula kanye nokuxhumana okujulile uma kusingathwa ngokucophelela. Ukubhekana nokukhathazeka okuhlobene nobudala kungenza imibhangqwana ihlanganyele ekukhulumisaneni okuqotho. Lokhu kungafihli kungaholela ekuqondeni kangcono imibono yomunye nomunye, izifiso, kanye nokwesaba.

Ukuhlukana kwakamuva kukaHugh Jackman nomlingisi uDeborra-Lee Furness, umkakhe weminyaka engu-27, kwabangela amagagasi okumangala nobuhlungu benhliziyo phakathi kwabalandeli, kodwa kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ngokusobala banothando oluningi nenhlonipho ngomunye nomunye futhi abanandaba nemibono yabanye. Izingxabano ezihlobene nobudala zingaholela ekuthuthukisweni kozwela olukhulu phakathi kozakwethu, ngisho nalapho behlukana.

Umuntu ngamunye uqala ukuqonda izinselele eziyingqayizivele kanye nezinzuzo umehluko weminyaka eziletha kuye ubudlelwano bowesifazane omncane owesilisa nomdala. Ukuzulazula ngempumelelo kulezi zithiyo kungaqinisa ukuzibophezela kombhangqwana komunye nomunye. Bavame ukuphuma ngakolunye uhlangothi ngesinqumo esijulile sokwenza ubuhlobo bomfana omncane nentombazane endala busebenze isikhathi eside.

7. Owesifazane osekhulile uletha ukuvuthwa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni

Leli yisu elihle lezinsizwa ezicabangela ubuhlobo nowesifazane osekhulile. Okuhlangenwe nakho kwempilo kanye nezifundo ezihambisana nazo zenza owesifazane osekhulile ozithembayo, ngaleyo ndlela alethe izinga eliphezulu lokuvuthwa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni babo. Uma nje indoda ingamphathi njengomama futhi owesifazane akathatheki amandla okushintsha kwamandla. Ukuvuthwa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni bowesifazane osekhulile nendoda encane kuhlanganisa izimfanelo ezifana nalezi:

• Ukuzazi: Abesifazane bangase babe nokuqonda kangcono imizwa yabo, izinto ezibabangelayo, kanye nokusabela, okungabasiza babhekane nezinselele zobudlelwane ngempumelelo.
• Amakhono okuxhumana: Ngokukhula, abantu abaningi bathuthukisa amakhono okuxhumana angcono, angaba nomthelela engxoxweni enempilo futhi evuleleke ngaphakathi kobudlelwano begebe lobudala.
• Ukubekezela: Okuhlangenwe nakho kwempilo kungafundisa abantu ukuba babe nesineke futhi baqonde ekusebenzelaneni kwabo nabanye, kuhlanganise nabalingani babo
• Ukuqina kwemizwelo: Abesifazane abadala abathandana namadoda asemancane kungenzeka bahlangabezane nezinhlobonhlobo zezikhathi zokwehla nokwenyuka kwempilo okuhlanganisa nobudlelwano obudlule, obubanika ukuzinza okwengeziwe ngokomzwelo futhi bubahlomise ukuba bakwazi ukubhekana nokucindezeleka nobunzima ebudlelwaneni begebe lobudala.
• Ukulungiswa kokungqubuzana: Okuhlangenwe nakho kuvame ukuholela ekuthuthukisweni kwamakhono okuxazulula izingxabano, njengoba abantu abadala kungenzeka ukuthi bafunde ukubhekana nokuxazulula izingxabano ngendlela eyakhayo futhi bangaphindi baxazulule.
• Ukuzwela: Okuhlangenwe nakho ekuphileni kungathuthukisa ikhono lomuntu lokuzwelana nemizwa nemibono yomlingani wakhe
• Ukuhlakanipha: Kungenzeka ukuthi abantu abadala bathole ukuhlakanipha nombono obanzi ngokuphila, okungaba usizo ekwenzeni izinqumo ezibalulekile nasekunikezeni isiqondiso ebudlelwaneni begebe lobudala.

8. Incane idrama ebudlelwaneni begebe lobudala

Ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo kwempilo, abesifazane asebekhulile abathandana namadoda asemancane ngokuvamile bakhuluma kuqala ngezinto - Bakwazisa abakuthandayo, futhi basho okungalungile ngokusobala ngangokunokwenzeka ngaphandle kokudlala imidlalo. Ngezinye izikhathi bangase babonakale bethembekile ngokwedlulele, kodwa kulula kakhulu ngamadoda ukwazi ukuthi kufanele abhekane kanjani nezinto lapho kungadingeki ukuba afunde phakathi kwemigqa. Ukuguquguquka kwamandla kubonakala kunomphumela omuhle ekuhloniphaneni lapho owesifazane esekhulile.

Akukho okulindelwe okungashiwongo futhi ukuxhumana kucacile, kuqinisekisa ukuthi ubuhlobo bowesifazane osekhulile nendoda encane buhlala buqinile futhi bungenalo idrama engadingekile. Futhi, abesifazane abadala ukuphola amadoda amancane angakwazi ukusingatha izinkinga zobudlelwano bebanga elide kangcono kakhulu kunemibhangqwana evamile njengoba abantu abadala bebheka izinto ezingokoqobo.

9. Kukhona injabulo eyengeziwe ekuphileni kwabo

Ngokwenhlolovo ye-AARP engenhla, leyo enezibalo zobudlelwane phakathi kowesifazane omdala nensizwa, abesifazane abaphendulile baveze ubumnandi nobungane njengezizathu eziyinhloko zokuqomisana. Abesifazane abadala abathandana namadoda asemancane bakhululekile ekuvinjweni futhi bangajabulela ukuphila kwabo ndawonye ngokugcwele. Sebevele badelele umphakathi, futhi manje akukho okubalahlekele. Lokhu kubaphusha ukuthi babe yibo abangcono kakhulu ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Izithandani ezisebudlelwaneni begebe lobudala zenza lokho ezizizwa zikuthanda futhi azikuvimbi ukuhlola izindawo ezintsha, ukuhlangana nabantu abasha, nokuzama izinto ezintsha zokuzilibazisa nezinto ezithandwayo. Ngakho-ke, umbhangqwana uzuza ukusondelana nokwaneliseka ezimpilweni zabo ngalobu budlelwano bowesifazane osekhulile nendoda encane.

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10. Kuyinto efundisayo kubo bobabili ozakwethu

Lapho ebudlelwaneni bowesifazane osekhulile nendoda encane, indoda ifunda ukukhula futhi ibe umuntu ongcono ngokubheka nje indlela akhuluma ngayo futhi azisho ngayo, inqobo nje uma ingamboni njengomama. Owesifazane osekubone konke futhi odabula izinkunzi*kumjabulisa kakhulu, kuvuleleke, futhi kumvuselela ubuhlakani. Uthola ukwazi ukuziphatha njengendoda evuthiwe njengoba bobabili beshaya ukusondelana ngokwengqondo.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, owesifazane osekhulile kakhulu wayeyofunda ngezindlela zezwe lanamuhla ebudlelwaneni bensizwa, avuleleke embonweni omusha. Lokhu okuguquguqukayo kudala umuzwa wokuhloniphana ebudlelwaneni. Ingxenye engcono kakhulu yobudlelwano bomfana nentombazane endala kodwa obungabonakali kahle. Ngakho-ke, ingabe iminyaka ibalulekile ebudlelwaneni? Kubonakala kunjalo kodwa ngezizathu ezifanele.

11. Bobabili abalingani kowesifazane osekhulile nobuhlobo bendoda encane baba nomuzwa wokuqinisekiswa

Ebudlelwaneni bowesifazane omdala nendoda encane, kungaba nomuzwa wokuqinisekisa kubo bobabili abalingani ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene. Nansi indlela:

• Ukuqinisekiswa kwemizwa: Bobabili ozakwethu bangathola ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni ngokuzizwa bethandwa, behlonishwa, futhi besekelwa umlingani wabo okunikela emuzweni wokuzethemba kanye nenhlalakahle ngokomzwelo
• Ukuhambelana: Ngowesifazane osekhulile ojola nensizwa, bangase baxhumane namaleveli amaningi, njengezintshisakalo ezabiwe, izindinganiso, kanye nemigomo yokuphila. Lokhu kuqinisekisa ukuhambisana, ukuhloniphana, nokuqonda abakuzwa ngomunye nomunye
• Ukunika amandla: Ubudlelwano obunjalo besifazane abadala nabesilisa abasebasha bunganika amandla. Ikakhulukazi kowesifazane, ongase azizwe ethuthukisa ukuzethemba kwakhe, azi ukuthi insizwa inesithakazelo sangempela kuye futhi ayimloti. Insizwa ingase izizwe inamandla ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho nokuhlakanipha komngane wayo omdala kanye neqiniso lokuthi wayikhetha njengomngane womshado olinganayo.
• Ukuqinisekiswa kwezinketho zobudlelwano: Bobabili ozakwethu bangathola ukuqinisekiswa ezinqumweni abazenzile zokuba ndawonye, ​​naphezu kwemibono engaguquki ehlobene nobudala, okubasiza bazizwe beziqhenya futhi bevikelekile ezinqumweni zabo.

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12. Isimo esikahle kubantu abangafuni ukuba nezingane

Enye inzuzo yobudlelwane phakathi kwabesifazane abadala nendoda encane ukuthi kungaba nengcindezi encane yokuba nezingane uma kuqhathaniswa nobudlelwano phakathi kwabalingani abakwiqembu lobudala. Lokhu kungenxa yezici ezimbalwa:

• Iwashi lebhayoloji: Njengoba abesifazane bekhula, ukuzala kwabo kuvame ukuncipha, futhi iwindi lokukhulelwa nokuzala izingane ngokuphepha nangokulula liba lincane, okuholela ekwehleni kwesifiso semvelo noma ingcindezi yokuba nezingane.
• Umehluko wesigaba sempilo: Abesifazane abadala abathandana namadoda amancane bavame ukuba nezinto eziza kuqala ekuphileni nemigomo ehlukene kunabesifazane abasebasha okungenzeka baseminyakeni yabo yokuqala yokuzala. Kungenzeka ukuthi sebezikhulisele izingane, bagxile emisebenzini yabo, noma bakhethe ukungazitholi izingane ezengeziwe
• Ukuzikhethela nokuzimela: Lapho owesifazane esekhulile, angase azizwe enamandla okwenza izinqumo ngekusasa lakhe lokuzala ngaphandle kokucindezela komphakathi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi lokho kuhilela ukuba nezingane ezengeziwe, ukutholwa, noma ukukhetha ukungabatholi nhlobo.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi hlobo luni lwesibopho, ekupheleni kosuku, kudinga umsebenzi omningi, uthando, inhlonipho, nokuxhumana. Ngakho ingabe iminyaka ibalulekile ebudlelwaneni? Impela kunjalo. Kodwa njengoba wazi manje, kunokuningi ebudlelwaneni obunempilo kunalokho.

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