Uthando alukona nje umlingo kanye nezinto ezimnandi, luphathelene nokudlala amandla. Cha, asibi abagxekayo. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi ukuguquguquka kwamandla ebudlelwaneni kunquma kakhulu ukuthi uthando luzohlala isikhathi eside yini. Ngakho, yini ubuhlobo Dynamics? Zihlobene kanjani nokulinganisela kwamandla ebuhlotsheni? Nokho, ngokwazi noma ngokungazi, wonke umbhangqwana udlala imidlalo yamandla, evame ukuholela ebudlelwaneni obungalingani.
Ngokuvamile sibona omunye umlingani ebusa omunye, kanti omunye ucindezela ngokuzithandela izifiso zakhe ukuze athole lokho akubheka njengothando. Kukhona nalabo abahlwitha amandla kubalingani babo ngezindlela ezihlukumezayo noma ezikhohlisayo. Ngakho-ke, kwenzekani uma umlingani efuna ukuba namandla engeziwe ebudlelwaneni? Nakuba ukulingana okuphelele ebudlelwaneni kuyiphupho nje elingavamile, ngezinye izikhathi, kuba nesidingo sokuphatha lezi zilinganiso. Ngakho-ke, izinkinga zamandla nokulawula ebudlelwaneni zibonakala kanjani? Ake sithole ngokuqonda okuvela kusosayensi wengqondo olulekayo uKavita Panyam (iMasters in Psychology, International Affiliate ne-American Psychological Association), onolwazi olungaphezu kweminyaka engamashumi amabili ekwelulekeni ebudlelwaneni.
UKavita uthi, “Ukulwela amandla kwenzeka ebudlelwaneni ngaso sonke isikhathi. Imibhangqwana ingenza konke okusemandleni ukuze ihlole ukuthi ubani oletha uthando olwengeziwe etafuleni. Kukhona futhi izimo lapho ukuba namandla phezu kothile kunikeza abantu ‘ukuphakama.’ Ezimweni ezinjalo, umuntu uyakujabulela ukubuka usizi olusebusweni bomlingani wakhe njengoba enciphisa imizwa yakhe.” Kalula nje, kunezindlela ezihlukahlukene abantu abasothandweni ababonisa ngazo amandla nokulawula ebudlelwaneni.
Iyini I-Power Dynamic Ebudlelwaneni?
Okuqukethwe
Uma igama elithi 'amandla ashukumisayo' lisetshenziswa kumongo wobudlelwano, empeleni likhomba ukuthi ubuhlobo bulinganisele noma bungalingani kangakanani. Ezingeni eliyisisekelo, igama elithi 'amandla ashukumisayo' lisho indlela yokuthonya noma yokuqondisa ukuziphatha kwabanye ngendlela ethile. UKavita uyaphawula, “Uma umuntu ethandana kakhulu nomlingani wakhe, umuzwa wokuphakama uyafika bese ulawula izenzo zakhe. Bese kuthi lokho okuqala njengomdlalo kuphele ngokuphelelwa yithemba.”
Ngakho-ke, yiziphi izinguquko zobudlelwane ezimpilweni zethu zansuku zonke? Izibonelo zamandla aguquguqukayo empilweni yansuku zonke azitholakali ezenzakalweni ezinkulu. Balele ekwehlukeni okuncane kokulindelwe kanye nezimo zengqondo futhi ekugcineni bangene ezingxoxweni, njengasezivumelwano zebhizinisi. Umlingani ngamunye uza nesethi yakhe yezinkolelo nezindlela zokuziphatha. Futhi ngamunye ufuna ukushintsha izingoma zabo. Ake sibheke ezinye izibonelo:
● Umuntu angase azibambele mathupha futhi enqabe isithakazelo sothando ngisho noma ethanda omunye umuntu ukuze nje amvelele.
● Uma omunye umlingani ehola kakhulu kunomunye, angafuna ukulawula zonke izimali futhi abe nesandla ekusingatheni izindleko. Lokhu kubhebhethekisa umehluko wezezimali osuvele ukhona ebudlelwaneni
Izimpawu Eziyisi-7 Zokuguquguquka Kwamandla Agwetshiwe Ebudlelwaneni
Ngenkathi sikhuluma ngama-dynamic dynamics, kubalulekile ukuthola ukuthi ngabe usebudlelwaneni namandla aguquguqukayo noma angalingani. Noma yiluphi uhlobo lokungalingani kwamandla ebudlelwaneni noma emshadweni lunamandla okuphazamisa ukuthula, lubangele ukungezwani, futhi ekugcineni lusho ukuphela kwesibopho sakho sothando. Nakuba ubambiswano olunamandla noluzithobayo lubonakala lukuhlomele kangcono ukubhekana nezimo ezinzima zokuphila, ukuhlukumezeka okufihliwe kanye namanxeba ebudlelwaneni obunjalo kungase kuvimbele umlingani ozithobayo futhi kubhidlize ubudlelwano ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ngaphandle kwalokho, ucwaningo lwathola ukuthi imibhangqwana ebudlelwaneni obunamandla amakhulu ijwayele ukuba nobudlelwano obujabulisayo. Ngakho-ke, ake sibheke izimpawu ezimbalwa zokungalingani kwamandla ebudlelwaneni okungenzeka konakalise isibopho sakho nomlingani wakho.
1. Uhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda
Uhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda lapho uhlala wesaba noma ukhathazekile ngokuthi noma yini oyishoyo noma oyenzayo ingase iqondwe kabi ngumlingani wakho, noma ukuthi umlingani wakho angase asabele kabi noma ngobudlova emibonweni yakho noma ezidingweni nasezidingweni zakho. Lesi isibonelo sobudlelwano obungaqondile.
Ozakwethu abajwayela izimo ezinjalo ngokuvamile yilabo abazizwa bengenamandla ebudlelwaneni. Bangase futhi bazibambe ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ungase ugcine ngokucindezela izinkinga zakho zobudlelwane ngaphansi kwekhaphethi ukuze ujabulise umlingani wakho kunalokho, njengoba ungase ugweme umlingani wakho:
- Ukusola nokuhlazeka
- Ukuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi noma ngokomzimba
- Amazwana abucayi noma alulazayo
- Izinsongo zokushiya ubudlelwano
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-13 Zowesifazane Olawulayo
2. Awuyona ingxenye yezinqumo ezibalulekile
Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, umlingani ngamunye ubonisana nomunye ngaphambi kokwenza izinqumo. Ebudlelwaneni obusontekile, nokho, omunye umlingani angase afise ukuveza ukubaluleka kwabo ngokungafaki omunye ezinqumweni ezinkulu. Nazi ezinye izibonelo ezinjalo zokuhanjiswa ebuhlotsheni:
- Lapho umyeni wakho enquma ukuthi kufanele ube nengane
- Lapho umkakho enquma ukuthi ingakanani imali oyiholayo okufanele uyibekele ukonga esikhathini esizayo
3. Awunakho ubumfihlo
Ngakho-ke, uma umlingani wakho edlula kuwo wonke ama-imeyili noma umbhalo othunyelwe kuwe noma engena ekamelweni lakho lapho usemhlanganweni wehhovisi eliku-inthanethi, ngaphandle kokuhlonipha indawo yakho siqu, awunabo ubumfihlo. Lokhu kuwuphawu olucacile lokungalingani kwamandla ebudlelwaneni.
4. Umlingani wakho akaxoxi ngezihloko ezikuthintayo
Ebudlelwaneni obungenawo amandla anele, umlingani wakho angase angachithi isikhathi namandla akhe ekuxoxeni ngezinto ezibalulekile kuwe. Ngakho-ke, uzobona ukuntuleka okukhulu komzamo ebudlelwaneni kusukela ekugcineni kwabo. Lena kungaba yindlela yabo yokukwazisa ukuthi isikhathi sabo sibalulekile kanti esakho asibalulekile. Ezimweni ezinjalo, noma nini lapho ukhuluma ngezihloko ezibalulekile kuwe, umlingani wakho angase:
● Zivikele futhi uthi bayakubheka
● Unganaki futhi uthi ucabanga ngokweqile
● Shintsha isihloko
● Beka izaba futhi uthi bamatasa
● Ukukutshela ukuthi uyabelesela
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukudweba Umugqa Phakathi Kothando Nobumfihlo Ebudlelwaneni
5. Umlingani wakho unezwi lokugcina
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uphuma ekamelweni lapho uphikisana noma ukukubeka phansi engxabano ngokukhetha ukungazethembi kwakho futhi ufakazele iphuzu labo, umlingani wakho angase azame ukuqinisa amandla akhe ebuhlotsheni uma efisa ukuba nezwi lokugcina njalo. Lokhu kuwuphawu olukhulu lokungalingani kwamandla ebudlelwaneni.
6 Uvame ukuba wedwa
Uma umlingani wakho ezama ukusebenzisa noma yini omtshela yona njengezaba zokukugxeka noma akwenze uzizwe kabi ngawe, uzozibona usuqhelelana futhi uqhelelene. Lokhu kuwuphawu olucacile lokuthi usebudlelwaneni obunamandla.
7. Abanakho ukuziphendulela
Uma umlingani wakho efisa ukubusa amandla ebudlelwaneni, ngeke athathe umthwalo wemfanelo noma umthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zakhe. Ngakho-ke, uma kukhona okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni noma ngenxa yezenzo zakhe, ngeke avume futhi kuyoba yiphutha lakho njalo. Lokhu kuntuleka komthwalo wemfanelo ebudlelwaneni kukhomba amandla aguquguqukayo.
Izinhlobo Ezi-3 Ezivamile Zamandla Amandla Ebudlelwaneni
Phela, ukuguquguquka kwamandla ebudlelwaneni akumisiwe. Amandla, ngokwawo, awakwazi ukubizwa ngokuthi amahle noma amabi. Umthelela wamandla ebudlelwaneni owenza wonke umehluko. Ekugcineni, okubalulekile yindlela umlingani wakho akwenza uzizwe ngayo. Incazelo ye-Power dynamics ifinyelela kokuthi: ingabe uzizwa unamandla ngokwanele ukuthi ukhule futhi uhlale ujabule futhi wanelisekile? Noma ingabe imidlalo yamandla ikwenza ucindezeleke? Ukuqonda ukuguquguquka kwamandla ebudlelwaneni kusho ukuqaphela izindlela ezehlukene izithandani ezibonisana ngazo amandla.
Ngokunjalo, ukuze ube nokuguquguquka kwamandla okunempilo ebuhlotsheni, inani elithile lokulingana libalulekile, njengoba ubudlelwano obungalingani ngokuvamile akumelani nesikhathi. Ngakho-ke, njengoba manje sesifunde ngezibonelo ezithile zokuguquguquka kwamandla empilweni yansuku zonke, kulesi sigaba, sizophenya ngokujulile kulezi zibalo. Futhi uma uzibuza ukuthi ungawashintsha kanjani amandla aguqukayo ebudlelwaneni, ngeke sivele sibheke izinto ezi-3 ezinkulu.
izinhlobo zokuguquguquka kobudlelwano kodwa futhi uzothola ukuthi ungabhalansisa kanjani amandla e-dynamics ebuhlotsheni.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene : Ukulwa Kwamandla Ebudlelwaneni - Indlela Efanele Yokubhekana Nakho
1. Isidingo-ukuhoxa
Enye yezinhlobo ezintathu ezivame kakhulu zokuguquguquka kwamandla ebudlelwaneni uhlobo lokufunwa nokuhoxiswa. Kulolu hlobo lokufana kwamandla, omunye umlingani usebenza 'njengofuna', kanti omunye 'ungufuna'. Ngakho-ke, umuntu ofuna ukucela uyaqhubeka nokucela okuthile, kuyilapho umuntu ofuna ukucela engahlangabezani nokulindelwe umuntu ofuna ukucela futhi eqhubeka nokungazinaki izidingo zakhe, evame ukumnikeza ukuthula noma ukungazinaki izinkinga zakhe. Izidingo, kulokhu, akudingeki zibe zinkulu. Zingaba imisebenzi elula yansuku zonke.
Eqinisweni, ucwaningo luthi, ukungalingani okunjalo ebudlelwaneni kungahlotshaniswa nokucindezeleka emibhangqwaneni eshadile. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ebuhlotsheni obuningi bothando nobuseduze, amaphethini anjalo okufunwa nokuhoxa angabonakala nasezenzweni zocansi nezothando. Noma kungase kube ukungaphenduli ezidingweni zomzwelo zomlingani. Nazi ezinye izimo lapho abashadile behlanganyela ephethini yokufunwa nokuhoxa:
● Uma owesifazane elokhu ecela umyeni wakhe ukuba amhlanze futhi ayeke ukungcolisa, futhi elokhu engamnaki.
● Lapho indoda ilokhu icela umkayo ukuba ahlukane nezinkundla zokuxhumana futhi agxile 'esikhathini sababili' kodwa enganakwa ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Indlela yokulinganisa
Ngakho-ke, yini okufanele uyenze uma ubambekile ekufuneni okungalingani—amandla okuhoxa aguquguqukayo? Ake sibone ukuthi singawabuyisa kanjani amandla ebudlelwaneni ezimweni ezinjalo ngendlela enempilo:
● Yiba nenkulumo evulekile nethembekile: Ukuxhumana kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni futhi ikakhulukazi ezimweni ezinjalo. Xoxani ngokulindelekile komunye nomunye futhi ninqume ngezinkinga noma ukushiyeka ofisa ukukulungisa. Gqugquzela ukuxhumana okujulile ngokukhuluma izinto
● Thuthukisa ukwethembana: Ngokuvamile, ukungalingani okunjalo kubangelwa ukungathembani. Ungase ungazithembi izinhloso zomlingani wakho noma izaba bese usabele. Ngakho-ke, zama futhi uthuthukise ukwethembana ngokuvula izenzo nemizwa yakho
● Gcina umngcele wokuhloniphana: Dala ukuguquguquka kobudlelwano obunempilo ngokugcina imingcele enempilo mayelana nokuthi yini evunyelwe nokuthi yini engavunyelwe. Isibonelo, ungenza ukumemeza kanye nempatho buthule kube u-cha-cha oqinile ebudlelwaneni. Noma, unganquma ukuxazulula konke ukungezwani ngaphambi kokuyolala. Konke kumayelana nokugcina ukuhloniphana
2. Umgijimi-ojaha
I-distancer-pursuer dynamic ingenye uhlobo olukhulu lwamandla aguquguqukayo. Lokhu yilapho umuntu oyedwa ezikhathalela kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Kulokhu okuguquguqukayo, uphathina oyedwa uthatha indima yomgijimi, ezama ukusondelana kakhulu nomunye, kuyilapho omunye eba umqhelelanisi, ongakhululekile kakhulu ngokuphishekelayo. Okwenza lokhu kuhluke ekufuneni–ukuhoxiswa okuguquguqukayo ukuthi kumayelana nokukhuthaza ukuxhumana kunokuthatha isandla esiphezulu ebudlelwaneni. Lokhu kuguquguquka kusekelwe kakhulu kumuntu:
Ngakho-ke, ungawashintsha kanjani amandla ebudlelwaneni lapho umlingani oyedwa ephishekela khona, kuyilapho omunye umlingani eqhelelana? Nokho, amandla ashukumisayo ezimweni ezinjalo angalinganiswa ngokuthi:
● Isitayela sokunamathisela: Uma umlingani oyedwa ekhuliswe ngokumeseka, lapho abazali bakhe bemgunyazile, ukhula njengabantu abadala abazethembayo, kuyilapho abantu abakhuliswe abazali abaxosha, bagcina bekude, ngenxa yokwesaba ukwaliwa.
● Ulimi lothando: Abalingani ababili abasebudlelwaneni bangase babe nezindlela ezihlukene zokubonisa uthando. Ngakho-ke, omunye wabo angase abonise uthando lwakhe nokunakekela ngokubashayela ucingo nokubathumelela imiyalezo usuku lonke, kuyilapho omunye angase abonise uthando ngezenzo zesevisi noma ngokomzimba.
ukuthinta, ukuthinta okungase kunganakwa, okuholela omxoshayo ukuthi abambelele kumdeshi nakakhulu
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinhlobo Ezi-5 Zezilimi Zothando Nokuthi Ungazisebenzisa Kanjani Ukuze Ube Nobuhlobo Obujabulisayo
Indlela yokulinganisa
● Ukuba nozwela: Zama ukukala isimo ngokombono womunye umuntu. Qonda ukuthi abekho abantu ababili abafana, futhi ngisho nasebudlelwaneni bothando, kungase kube nokuhluka okuncane.
● Ezama ukufinyelela endaweni ephakathi: Uma bobabili ozakwethu bezama ukulungisa kancane, izinto ziba lula. Ngakho-ke, umxoshi angakwazi ukuyibeka phansi kancane futhi avumele isikude ukuthi siphefumule kalula. Lokhu ngeke kuvumele umlingani ukuthi acwile ebudlelwaneni. Ngokunjalo, umdidiyeli naye angazama futhi aphendule kancane
3. Ukwesaba-amahloni
Amandla amakhulu esithathu ashukumisayo, amandla okwesaba-amahloni ngokusobala awawona amabomu kodwa asukela kumzwelo wemvelo. Ngokuvamile kuba lapho ukwesaba omunye kubangela amahloni kwenye, futhi kungaba yinkimbinkimbi. Isekelwe ezintweni ezilandelayo:
● Ukuhlukumezeka okwedlule okungakaxazululwa: Ukuhlukumezeka okudlule noma umthwalo wemizwa kungase kubangele ukuthi umuntu asabe umlingani wakhe. Futhi lokhu kwesaba, kungase kwenze umlingani azizwe sengathi akakwazi ukwenza omunye wabo obalulekile azizwe ephephile
● Ukungazethembi komuntu siqu: Omunye kungenzeka ukuthi ubhekana ne-inferiority complex yakhe, okungase kubangele ukuthi babe nolaka komunye uzakwethu, kubangele ukwesaba kuye.
● Izici ze-physiological, njengamazinga e-hormone: Abesilisa (abaqhutshwa yi-testosterone) banolaka futhi ngaleyo ndlela babangele ukwesaba kwabesifazane. Ngokufanayo, amadoda azizwa enamahloni uma ebonisa imizwa. Kodwa ngokuba nolaka ngokweqile, bangase benze abalingani babo bazizwe bengalondekile futhi besaba futhi, nabo, babe namahloni ngokungakwazi ukuba umsindisi wabo.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Ukukhubeka Ebudlelwaneni Kuyindlela Yokuhlukumeza?
Indlela yokulinganisa
Ungakwazi ukulawula amandla okwesaba-shame aguqukayo ngokuthi:
- Ukuhlonza ama-trigger: Kubalulekile ukuthola ukuthi ukwesaba noma amahloni asuka kuphi futhi uthathe umthwalo wemfanelo mayelana nokusabela kwakho. Kufanele uhlonze izinto ezibangisayo, kungaba ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni, ukungazethembi, noma izinkinga zesithombe somzimba
- Ukwethemba umlingani wakho: Thembela ebudlelwaneni ibaluleke kakhulu. Kufanele futhi ube nokholo kumlingani wakho futhi uvule ngokungavikeleki kwakho noma i-trigger. Kuwukhiye wokuguquguquka kwamandla okunempilo, okusho ukuthi udinga umlingani omethembayo ongeke akuphathe kabi ngokukuvulela isifuba ngobuthakathaka bakho
- Ukubonisana nomeluleki: Uma ukholwa ukuthi izinkinga ezingokwengqondo ezidala amandla okwesaba–shame zinzima kakhulu, zama ukukhuluma nomeluleki noma umelaphi wabashadile. Ayikho enye indlela kuneseluleko sochwepheshe
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Uma sikhuluma ngeziguquguquko zamandla ebudlelwaneni, sikhuluma ngokuthi yimuphi kubalingani ababili ogomela ukubusa futhi ozama ukulawula omunye.
- Ziningi izimpawu zokuguquguquka kwamandla ebudlelwaneni, njengokuntula ubumfihlo, ukungaxoxi nozakwenu ngaphambi kokwenza izinqumo, ukuzihlukanisa, kanye nomuzwa wokuhamba ngamagobolondo amaqanda. Uzakwethu obusayo naye angase angathathi isibopho ngezenzo zakhe noma angase afune ukuba nezwi lokugcina. Ngaphandle uma umehluko wamandla ebudlelwaneni ulinganisiwe, ubuhlobo abunakwenzeka ukuba bujabule
- Ukuqonda ukuguquguquka kwamandla ebudlelwaneni kudinga ulwazi lwezinhlobo ezi-3 ezinkulu zokuguquguquka kobudlelwano: isidingo/ukuhoxa, umgijimi osuka kude, nokwesaba-amahloni, futhi ngayinye ingaphathwa ngendlela ehlukile.
- Ingqikithi ye-a ubuhlobo obunempilo ilele ekwabiweni okulinganayo kwamandla
Ukuguquguquka kobudlelwano kungadlala indima enkulu empilweni yengqondo kanye neyonke yabalingani abathintekayo. Ngakho-ke, sithemba ukuthi sikwazile ukunikeza ukucaca okuthile mayelana nokuguquguquka kwamandla ebudlelwaneni nokuthi kusebenza kanjani. Sithemba futhi ukuthi manje uzokwazi ukugcina ibhalansi enempilo yamandla ngaleyo ndlela ube nobudlelwano obujabulisayo nobungenakucindezeleka. Khumbula, ubudlelwano kufanele bube mayelana nenhlonipho nokwethembana futhi ungalokothi ubuse umlingani wakho noma ngokulawula isakhiwo samandla. Ngakho-ke, yeka ukudlala ngamandla bese ugxila ezidingweni zomlingani wakho.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Amandla nokulawula ebudlelwaneni kuvame ukugonyelwa ozakwethu obusayo. Kubonakala ngokuthi ubani onezwi elikhulu ekuthathweni kwezinqumo, ezindabeni zemali nasezindabeni zomuntu siqu.
Yebo, izinkinga zamandla nokulawula ebudlelwaneni zingashintshwa. Futhi kunezixazululo eziningi zokubhekana nomehluko wamandla ebudlelwaneni, uma uzibuza, "ungashintsha kanjani amandla ebudlelwaneni." Lokhu kuzokwenzeka lapho umlingani othobelayo, noma umlingani olawulwayo, efunda ukudweba imingcele. Ukungavumeli izimfuno zomlingani wakho ngaso sonke isikhathi kuyadingeka ukuze ushintshe amandla ebudlelwaneni noma ebudlelwaneni. Ungaba nokukhulumisana okuvulekile nokwethembekile ngalokho okufunayo nalokho ozimisele ukukunikeza.
Uma ukuguquguquka kobudlelwano kugwegwile, kungase kungapheli isikhathi eside. Kuzoba nokungqubuzana okuningi nokuhlukana kwemibono, okungase kugcine kuholele ekutheni umuntu ngamunye afune ukuba nezwi lokugcina. Ngakho-ke, ukushintsha amandla ebuhlotsheni kubalulekile ezimweni ezinjalo, ukuze nje ugcine ubuhlobo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Futhi ukulingana kwamandla kubalulekile ukugcina ukuthula nokuthula ebudlelwaneni, kunokugcina amaphuzu wokuthi ubani onamandla engeziwe.
Izimpawu eziyi-13 zokuthi Akakuhloniphi Futhi Akakufanelanga
Izinto Eziyi-12 Okufanele Uzenze Lapho Umyeni Wakho Ekhetha Umndeni Wakhe Ngaphezu Kwakho
Izindlela Ezingu-22 Zokwazi Uma Insizwa Ikuthanda Ngokuyimfihlo, Kodwa Inamahloni Kakhulu Ukukuvuma
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
