Amaqhinga ayi-11 Okwenza Intombi Yakho Ivume Ukuthi Yakopela

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Uyazi wakwenza. Ungakuzwa futhi mhlawumbe ukukufakazele futhi. Kodwa ngaphambi kokugijimela kulokho kungqubuzana okuxakayo, bekungeke yini kube ngcono ukuvuma izono zakudala. Awukho umdlalo wokusola futhi akukho ukusonteka kwamaqiniso. Ukwazi ukuthi ungayenza kanjani intombi yakho ivume ukuthi ikukopela akugcini nje ngokukusiza ukuthi ugweme impi embi, kodwa futhi kungakunikeza nokuvalwa inhliziyo yakho ebilokhu ibuhlungu ngakho.

Nakuba izici zowesifazane okhohlisayo zingabonakala ngezindlela ezithile ezinengqondo, ukumkhohlisa ukuba avume amaphutha akhe kungase kungabi lula kangako. Futhi ukukusiza ngalokho, senze uhlu lwamaqhinga angakusiza ufinyelele lowo mgomo.

Amaqhinga ayi-11 Okwenza Intombi Yakho Ivume Ukuthi Yakopela

Okuqukethwe

Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angongoti, sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha

Umngane wami uMark, usanda kungivulela isifuba ngesimo sakhe sobudlelwane. Wathi “Ngicabanga ukuthi intombi yami iyakopela kodwa angikwazi ukufakazela lokho!” Kwakuyisimo esinzima njengoba nakuba ubudlelwano obuningi buba nezingxabano, imbewu efiphele yokungathembani ebuhlotsheni ingaba yingozi kakhulu. Ngakho, ukuze ngisize uMark futhi ngimvikele ekumangaleleni intombi yakhe ngaphandle kwesizathu esiqinile, ngamcebisa ukuba abheke izimpawu ezimbalwa.

Amaqiniso ngezintombi ezingathembekile akulula ukuwathola. Uma ubona izinguquko ezithile ezingaguquki ekuziphatheni kwakhe, ukuntuleka kokuxhumana noma ukuxhumana okubi , noma isimiso esimatasa angakakulungeli ukuxoxa ngaso, khona-ke kunamathuba amaningi okuthi unomuntu omusha empilweni yakhe. Kuvame ukubonakala ukuthi owesifazane okhuluma cishe imizuzu engama-30-60 ngosuku nomlingani wakhe. Kodwa-ke, owesifazane ongathembekile angase angafuni ukuxhumana nomlingani wakhe imizuzu engaphezu kwemihlanu.

Kodwa ingabe lezi zimpawu zanele ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ubona omunye umuntu ngemuva kwakho? Mhlawumbe, cha! Ukuphawula nje izici zowesifazane okhohlisayo akwanele ukufakazela iphuzu lakho. Ukukhulula ingqondo yakho ngalenzalo yokungabaza nokungathembani, futhi uzisindise ekulahlekelweni ingqondo yakho, ukuzwa iqiniso eliphuma emlonyeni wakhe ukuphela kwendlela. Nokho, ukuze uthole umlingani ukuze avume ukukopela, udinga ukuba nohlelo oluqinile. Ngokusebenzisa lezi zindlela eziyi-11 zokuthi ungayenza kanjani intombi yakho ivume ukuthi ikhohlisile, ungakwazi ukuqhubekisela phambili lokho kuvuma okudingekile kakhulu.

1. Bizela isitatimende sekhadi lakhe lesikweletu ebhokisini lofakazi

Uma inkinga yakho ukuthi intombi yakho ayivumi ukukopela, khululeka. Ngoba nakuba engase enqabe ukuvuma amaphutha akhe, isitatimende sakhe sekhadi lesikweletu asikwazi! Ukwenza owesifazane wakho avume ukuthi uyakopela kungaba umsebenzi onzima. Kungase kuhlanganise izimpikiswano eziningi kanye nokusonta iqiniso. Kodwa angeke kube njalo ngomlando wakhe wezezimali.

Izitatimende zekhadi lesikweletu lentombi yakho ziyindlela enhle yokuthola ukuthi ibikukhohlisa yini. Uma ebona othile ngemuva kwakho, izitatimende zakhe zizokhuluma ngakho. Izindleko zakhe zasebhange nomlando kukhombisa ngokusobala ukuthi uyisebenzisela ini, nini futhi kuphi imali yakhe.

Futhi ingxenye engcono kakhulu ukuthi, ngobufakazi obuqinile njengokuthengiselana kwebhange okungachazeki, akakwazi ukuphika izindleko okungenzeka ukuthi wazenza ebudlelwaneni bakhe bothando nomunye umuntu. Wonke lo mlando wokuthengiselana ungaba yinsika eqinile ekwenzeni intombi yakho ekhohlisayo iphule futhi ivume ukuthi ikukhohlisa.

2. Wendlala ngobuqili lolo gibe lwecala

Iqonde ngqo ukubuza intombi yakho ukuthi ikopelile kubonakala kuyindlela elula yokukhipha iqiniso. Kodwa kuyaqabukela kulula kangaka. Ngezinye izikhathi sithathwa yimizwa futhi silahlekelwe umkhondo wakho konke ukuvala ebesikudinga kwasekuqaleni. Imizwa inamandla ngokwanele ukuhlanganisa ingqondo yanoma ubani kungasaphathwa isithandwa esike saqhathwa.

Ngakho-ke, kubaluleke kakhulu ukusebenzisa le mizwa ukuze sithole iqiniso elisifanele. Futhi indlela ephumelela kakhulu neyiqili thize yokwenza intombi yakho ivume ukuthi ukukhohlisile ukuyifaka ogibeni lwecala olubekwe ngokucophelela. Kuvame ukubonakala, ukuthi ukwenza umuntu avume iqiniso, kufanele umenze abone ubunzima bamanga abo.

Zama futhi uqale ngokuba muhle kowesifazane wakho. Bonisa ukusekela kwakho, ukumethemba kwakho, futhi ubonise indlela obonga ngayo ngokuba naye ekuphileni kwakho. Uma kungenzeka, mnike imithwalo yemfanelo eyengeziwe engokomzwelo. Ngemva kokukubona ushawa uthando lwakho ngale ndlela ngaphandle kwesibhakabhaka, angase aqale ukuzizwa engakhululekile. Lokhu kuphatheka kabi kungase kube umphumela wecala alizwayo ngenxa yezenzo ezingalungile akade ezenza. Ngesikhathi ezinikela kuleli cala, ngaleso sikhathi uyoba neqiniso lakho phambi kwakho.

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3. Phakamisa 'isinyathelo esilandelayo' esingathí sina sobudlelwane benu

Ukuze wazi ukuthi ungayenza kanjani intombi yakho ivume ukuthi wayekopela, udinga ukwazi amaqiniso athile mayelana nokukopela izintombi kuqala. Ukuphakamisa isinyathelo esilandelayo esibalulekile sobudlelwane benu njengokuhlala ndawonye, ukuthembisana umshado noma ukushada, ukuthatha isilwane esifuywayo, noma ukuvele utshele abazali bakho ngobudlelwano bakho kungaphoqa intombi yakho ukuthi ivume ukuthi ibingelona iqiniso kuwe.

Esinye sezici ezivelele kakhulu zowesifazane okhohlisayo sihlanganisa ukuba kwakhe othanda ukuzibophezela , okungukuthi, angase esaba kakhulu ukuzibophezela. Angase angafuni ukuzikhukhumeza ngoba akafuni ukuba isithandwa sakhe sithole ngakho. Angase akuphakamise nokuthi nigcine ubudlelwano benu buthule njengoba engakanqumi ukuthi enzeni ngani kanye nobudlelwano enibuhlanganyelayo ndawonye. Ukumcindezela njalo ukuba athathe lesi sinyathelo esilandelayo kungase kumcasule, futhi angase avume ukungathembeki kwakhe ukuze athethelele izenzo zakhe.

4. Yenza sengathi wazi kahle ukuthi kwenzakalani

Uma ucabanga ukuthi unobufakazi obuningi bokuthi intombi yakho ikukopela kodwa yona ayivumi ukuthi ikopela kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani, ungabhekana nayo ngokuthi “Ngiyazi kahle ukuthi ubulokhu wenzani!” Uma usuvele ulazi igama lale ndoda, ebikukopela nayo , khona-ke lesi yisikhathi esihle sokukhuluma ngalokho.

Nansi eminye imibuzo ongayibuza intombi ekhohlisayo ukuze ikhiphe ukuvuma. Ingxenye engcono kakhulu ukuthi lokhu kungase futhi kube iqhinga elihle elithi 'Indlela yokukhohlisa intombi yakho ukuthi ivume ukuthi ikhohlise ngombhalo'. Ukuze wenze umlingani wakho avume ukukopela, ungaqala ingxoxo ngokumbuza ukuthi “Awucabangi ukuthi kufanele sikhulume nganoma yini eyenzekayo phakathi kwakho [negama lomuntu ambonayo]?” Noma “Ingabe kukhona ongathanda ukungitshela khona?” Uma ezwa ukuthi usuyazi ngesithandwa sakhe, khona-ke angase avume futhi akhiphe ikati esikhwameni, ngaleyo ndlela eqinisekisa ukusola kwakho.

Nokho, uma esazimisele ngokungakuvumi ukukopela, khona-ke ukwenza iphutha kungaba indlela ephumelelayo yokumenza awavume amaphutha akhe. Mqondise ekutsheleni akwenzile ngokumnikeza imininingwane eyakhelwe phezu kwamaqiniso nobufakazi osuvele unabo. Ngokwesibonelo, ungamtshela ukuthi “Izolo ebusuku ubungekho ekhaya futhi uthe ubukwaSarah, nokho ngishayele uSara ucingo ngathola ukuthi awukho.” Bese unikeza ukulandisa ocabanga ukuthi kuyiqiniso futhi uzobona intombi yakho ilungisa futhi igcwalisa imininingwane ngalokho okwenzekile ngempela.

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5. Mbambe ngogibe lomona

Kunamathuba okuthi ezinye izintombi ezikhohlisayo zingase zingabi nawo amandla okuba necala. Futhi kulawa mantombazane aqinile, kufanele ahambe ngendlela ehluke ngokuphelele. Esikhundleni sokuncenga umphefumulo wakhe ukuba uvume, khipha ithambo lakhe lomona ukuze akhiphe iqiniso elishaqisayo. Yebo ungasebenzisa umona ukuze uzuze ukuthola iqiniso! Kalula nje, zama ukumenza umona aze akhulume iqiniso ngokukopela kwakhe ukuze nje akubonise ukuthi akasenandaba nawe. Umuzwa womona ungase umphoqe ukuthi abuze indawo yakhe kulobu budlelwano obunamandla. Angase abe nomuzwa wokuthi konke ukweqa kwakhe akusizi ngalutho njengoba usuphelelwe uthando naye.

Ukuze usebenzise le ndlela, vele udlale kahle kakhulu komunye wabangane bakho besifazane. Qala ukuhlala naye njalo ngaphandle kokwazisa intombi yakho. Kodwa-ke, qiniseka ukuthi intombi yakho iyazi ngemihlangano yakho emthonjeni ohlukile.

Ukukubona unyonyoba kanje kungase kubangele ulaka ngaphakathi kuye. Futhi le ntukuthelo ingase imphoqelele ukuba asho noma enze okuthile okungabonisa isifiso sakhe sokuqeda izinto nawe futhi akhiphe ikati esikhwameni. Angase akutshele iqiniso ukuze nje abonise ukuthi ungcono futhi angaba nendoda engcono kunawe ekuphileni kwakhe.

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6. Yiba Ninja ngokwengqondo

Ukuze wazi ukuthi ungayenza kanjani intombi yakho ivume ukuthi ikhohlisile, kufanele ube nolwazi oluzwakalayo lolimi lomzimba kanye nokusebenza kwengqondo. Kwesinye isikhathi ungahle ube nomkhohlisi ohlakaniphile eduze kwakho futhi ukuze ubakhohlise udinga ukuthi uhlale usezinzwaneni zakho. Intombi yakho ingase ikukholise ngempumelelo ngendaba engamanga. Kodwa kufanele ubuze umbuzo ofanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe ngemva kwesikhathi esithile ukuze uhlole ukuthi izimpendulo zakhe ziyehluka yini.

Futhi, ukuqaphela izimpawu ezithile njengokungakhululeki, ukugwema ukuxhumana emehlweni, ukushintsha kwesitayela sokugqoka, noma ukuthola izipho noma izinto ozithengile ongazi lutho ngazo kungakusiza ukuthi umbambe. Eminye imibuzo ongayibuza intombi ekhohlisayo ukuze ikukhohlise ukuthi ivume ingase ibe “Uyithathephi [into ethile]? Noma “Ubuwenzani ngoMgqibelo odlule?” noma “Usizo lomngane wami akubone naye ngaphambilini. Wayengubani?”

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7. Gcoba umqondo wobudlelwane obuvulekile

Ngezinye izikhathi kungcono ukuyenga intombi yakho ukuthi ivume ukuthi ikukonile. Ukuze wenze lokhu, ungaqala ingxoxo engahleliwe ngobudlelwano obuhilela isithembu nokuthi umqondo womshado ovulekile noma ubudlelwano nomlingani wakho ungazwakala kanjani.

Lokhu kungase kuholele ekufuneni kwakho ntombi ukuba ugibele kulo mbono ukuze uzisindise enkingeni yokuziphatha ebilokhu ikukhokhela ngenxa yokukukhohlisa. Yena, cishe angakusekela futhi uma le ndawo ihlolwa kakhudlwana ngesimo sengqondo sokwamukela, angase avume nokuthi ukhohlisiwe.

8. Bheka umakhalekhukhwini wakhe

“Ngicabanga ukuthi intombi yami iyakopela kodwa angikwazi ukukufakazela.” Uma uzithola usho lokhu njalo, sekuyisikhathi sokunikeza ingqondo yakho ukuthula. Ukudweba imingcele enempilo nokuhlonipha ubumfihlo bomunye nomunye kubalulekile kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwano. Kodwa uma wazi ukuthi umlingani wakho akakuhloniphi wena nothando lwenu, ngezinye izikhathi kuthatha izinyathelo eziqatha kuba yinto edingekayo.

Uma ufuna ukwazi ukuthi ungayikhohlisa kanjani intombi yakho ukuthi ivume ukuthi ikhohlise ngombhalo noma mathupha, khona-ke umakhalekhukhwini wakhe ungase ube ukuphela kwenketho kuwe. Umthombo ongcono kakhulu wolwazi wokukopela kwentombi yakho ungatholakala kule divayisi encane ayisebenzisayo ukuze axhumane futhi alungise izinhlelo nomuntu onengekayo. Ukuze wenze intombi yakho ivume ukuthi ibikopela, ungavele uhlole izingxoxo zayo, imibhalo kanye neminye imidiya. Lokhu kungakunikeza ubufakazi obuphathekayo bokuqinisekisa ukuthi intombi yakho ibikopela futhi njengoba lawa kuyiqiniso, akukho ukuphika lokhu.

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9. Mtshele ukuthi aye eholidini

Uma intombi yakho ingakuvumi ukukopela, yisa eholidini! Kuzwakala kuyinqaba? Kodwa akunjalo! Uma intombi yakho ingumkhohlisi, nakanjani izobeka izaba lapho izwa ngeholide lothando, ikakhulukazi elide okungenzeka ukuthi ibihlale iliphupha. Umcabango wokuba kude nawe isikhathi eside usho ukuhlala kude nesithandwa sakhe esisha.

Futhi, ngisho noma evuma ukuphuma, nakanjani uzochitha isikhathi eyedwa ukuze axoxe nalowo muntu futhi lokhu kufanele kubonakale kahle eholidini lothando. Lapho ecelwa incazelo mayelana nalezi zici ezithile, wayevele aphendule futhi avume.

10. Mbambe oqotsheni

Ezimweni eziningi, abalingani baphendukela ekuvumeni ukukopela ngemva kweminyaka. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi kubanikeza isikhathi esanele sokupheka indaba emnandi noma basebenzise lokhu njengezaba zokuqeda ubudlelwano lapho sebeqedile ngawe. Kodwa ukuthola ukuvuma izono lapho kwenziwa isenzo kuzokunika amandla okunquma isiphetho sobudlelwano futhi ngeke kugcine kukwenza uzizwe usetshenziswa.

Ngakho-ke, ungamniki ithuba lokuvuma ukukopela ngemva kweminyaka. Kunalokho zama konke okusemandleni akho ukufuna iqiniso. Kuzo zonke izindlela ezithi 'Ungayenza kanjani intombi yakho ivume ukuthi ukhohlisile', lokhu kungase kube impikiswano. Njengoba ukubamba intombi yakho oqotsheni kungase kudinge ukuthi uyilandele ngokucophelela konke umnyakazo. Kungase futhi kudinge ukuthi uqashe umphenyi ozimele noma usebenzise amaqhinga athile angcolile ukuze ukhiphe ulwazi abekufihlele lona.

Uma nje ubamba yena nesithandwa sakhe ndawonye, ukukhipha isivumo ngeke kube yinkinga. Uzolibeka ngembaba iqiniso futhi ngeke uze uzibuze ukuthi ungayenza kanjani intombi yakho ivume ukuthi yaphinde yajola.

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11. Ukubhekana nomkhohlisi endaweni yokuxhumana nabantu

Leli qhinga elithi 'Ungayenza kanjani intombi yakho ivume ukuthi uqhathile' alikho ngaphansi kwetulo lefilimu. Ukuze ubone ukuthi izinsolo zakho ziyiqiniso yini nokuthi intombi yakho ibona omunye umuntu ngemuva kwakho, ungahlela ukungqubuzana nomuntu okhohlisayo endaweni yokuxhumana. Ungabhukha itafula labathathu futhi umeme umkhohlisi ukuthi anijoyine nobabili esidlweni sasemini noma sakusihlwa ngaphandle kokumtshela ukuthi uzobe ekhona. Lokhu kungaba yimpumelelo kuphela uma umfana abekade ehlangana naye ngemuva kwakho engumngane oyedwa.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, zama ukuqoqa ulwazi olwengeziwe ngalowo mfana bese uhlela ukuhlangana okungahleliwe endaweni yokuzijabulisa efana nendawo yokudlela ayithandayo, i-mall, ijimu, noma ipaki. Ungalandelela futhi izinhlelo zentombi yakho naye bese nihlangana nomuntu othandana naye. Endaweni yokuzijabulisa nani nobabili, intombi izozizwa ingakhululekile njengoba ingenaso isikhathi esanele sokuqondisa indaba yayo. Ukubuza imibuzo ethile kumlingani ongathembekile kungabacasula futhi yena noma isithandwa sakhe bangase bakutshele iqiniso.

Lawa maqhinga ayi-11 okuthi ungayenza kanjani intombi yakho ivume ukuthi ukhohlisile angakusiza ukuthi uthole ukuvuma ubulokhu ukuphina. Ngala maqhinga ungenza intombi yakho iwavume amaphutha ayo futhi uthole amandla okunquma inkambo yobudlelwano bakho nayo. Ukwazi kabanzi mayelana nobudlelwano nothando, qhubeka usivakashele ku-Bonobology.com.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ingabe abakopela bayakuvuma?

Yebo futhi cha! Abanye abakopela bangase bavume ukuthi bayakopela kodwa asikho isiqinisekiso sokuthi wonke umuntu unamandla okuziphendulela ngezenzo zakhe. Ukuba necala kuye kwabonwa njengento ebaluleke kakhulu uma kuziwa ekuvumeni ukukopela. Futhi lena imizwa eyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Ngokocwaningo, amadoda ayevame ukuvuma amaphutha awo ngenxa yecala kuyilapho abesifazane benquma ukuveza iqiniso kuphela lapho bezizwa bengajabule ebuhlotsheni.

2. Ingakanani iphesenti labantu elivumayo ukuthi liyakopela?

Ngokocwaningo olwenziwe yiHealth Testing Centres, e-USA, babalelwa ku-24% ababambiqhaza abavumile ukuthi bebekopela kophathina babo. Kulaba, u-47.7% uvumile ukuthi unamaphutha lingakapheli isonto, kanti u-26.6% wabantu uthathe isikhathi esingangenyanga ukuvuma ukuthi bakhohlise ophathina babo. Futhi u-25.7% wabo ulinde izinyanga ezingu-6 noma ngaphezulu ukuze ukhiphe ikati esikhwameni. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi ocwaningweni kutholakale ukuthi abantu abathandanayo bavame ukuvuma ukuthi bayakopela uma beqhathaniswa nabashadile.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.