Kuke kwenzeke yini ukuthi umxolele ngokuphelele umuntu owakopela? Wake wazibuza ukuthi bekungaba njani uma uthethelela futhi uqhubeke - ndawonye noma ngezindlela zenu ezihlukene? Ukuxolela umuntu okuqhathile akuyona into elula kodwa abantu abaningi bayakwenza bese bezitholela okwabo ukuthula.
Inani olinamathisela ebudlelwaneni lishintsha ingxenye yalo ngesikhathi uthola ukuthi umlingani wakho udukile. Uzwa intukuthelo, ukukhashelwa, nokudumala kuze kufike ezingeni lokuba usizi olungenakulungiseka. Umqondo wokuthethelela ngemva kokukopela ungabonakala ungavamile uma ukulesi simo sokukhathazeka.
Kodwa ukuthethelela umlingani wakho wokukopela akukona ngabo, kumayelana nawe ugcina ukuthula kwakho kwengqondo. Kungase kubonakale kungenakwenzeka ukuthethelela umuntu obumthanda kabi kangaka uthole ukuthi ukukhohlisile. Ungase uzibeke icala bese ubuza ukuthi “Kona kuphi?” noma "Ingabe yimina oguqule ubudlelwano baba muncu?".
Ngaphambi kokuthi uphazamise ingqondo yakho nokuzethemba, khumbula ukuthi ukungathembeki kuyisinqumo, futhi umlingani wakho ukhethe ukukukhohlisa. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izinkinga ezenzeke ebudlelwaneni bakho, bekungabhekwana nazo ngendlela ehlukile ngokuxhumana kanye/noma ngokwelulekwa kwabashadikazi. Ukukopela akusoze kwaba yisixazululo. Okubalulekile ukuthi akekho ongaphoqa noma ngubani ukuthi enze ukungathembeki.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, kuyisinqumo sakho ngokuphelele ukuthethelela othile owakopela futhi akufanele kuthonywe yinoma yimaphi amandla angaphandle. Uma ukhetha ukuhlala ebuhlotsheni, ukuthethelela umlingani wakho wokukopela cishe kuyisinyathelo esidingekayo ukuze uphulukise ekungathembeki ngaphezu kokugunyazwa. Manje kufika embuzweni owodwa kuphela: Indlela yokuthethelela umuntu ngokukopela?
Ukunquma ukuthi ungamthethelela kanjani umkhohlisi futhi uhlale ndawonye futhi uphendule "Kungani abantu bekopela?", sibe nengxoxo nomqeqeshi wobudlelwano kanye nobudlelwano obuseduze. Utkarsh Khurana (MA Clinical Psychology, Ph.D. Scholar) ongumfundisi ovakashele eNyuvesi yase-Amity futhi ogxile ezindabeni zokukhathazeka, izinkolelo ezingezinhle, kanye nokuzenzela umathanda ebudlelwaneni, ukubala okumbalwa.
Izinyathelo Eziyisi-8 Zokuthethelela Ngokuphelele Umuntu Okukhohlisile
Okuqukethwe
Ukuthethelela umlingani noma umlingani okhohlisayo kuthatha isikhathi; intethelelo ayifiki ngosuku. Lapho igalelo lokungathembeki kubhekwana nobuhlobo, akunangqondo ukulindela ukuthi ungavele uzithintithe futhi uqhubeke sengathi akwenzekanga lutho. Impela, ukukopela kungashintsha uhlobo lobudlelwano benu ngezindlela eziningi, ngisho noma nikhetha ukuhlala ndawonye.
U-Ariana (igama elishintshiwe), obekufanele abhekane ne- izici eziyisixwayiso zomkhohlisi we-serial endodeni yakhe, uthi, "Ukuxolela umuntu owakuqhatha kunzima. Lokhu ngikutshela ngokuzibonela ngoba umyeni wami useke wangikhohlisa izikhathi eziningi, okokuqala kwenzeka, kwangithusa futhi ngagcina izinsuku ngidabukile. Ngemva kwalokho, waxolisa futhi salungisa ubuhlobo. Kodwa uye waba i-serial cheater futhi use-therapy manje. Sengimxolele ubaba omkhulu kubantwana bethu abane."
Sibuze uchwepheshe wethu, kungenzeka yini ukuthethelela ngokuphelele umuntu owakopela? Kulokho, u-Utkarsh uthi, "Ngizothi yebo kukho. Kungenzeka ukuthethelela umuntu okukhohlisile nakuba kuncike ekutheni ukukopela ebuhlotsheni kusho ukuthini ngempela kuwe. Uma ubheka ukungathembeki njengento ephula isivumelwano futhi ubone ukukopela njengokulingana 'nobuhlobo obuphukile', khona-ke ungase ungakwazi ukuthethelela omunye umuntu.
“Kepha uma ubheka lokhu kuphulwa kokwethembeka njengokusho nje ubuhlobo ifulege elibomvu noma njenge-buzzer ebonisa ukuthi kukhona izihibe ezivulekile ebuhlotsheni obuholela ekukopeleni, khona-ke ungase uvuleke kakhulu ekufundeni indlela yokuthethelela ukukopela. Uma kunjalo, ungase ufinyelele ngisho nasesimweni sokuthethelela ngokuphelele kanye nokulungisa izinkinga eziwumsuka phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho.”
Ngakho-ke, singasho ukuthi intethelelo ngemva kokukopela ingenzeka nakuba kungase kuthathe amandla amakhulu ngokomzwelo namandla ohlangothini lwakho. Inqubo yokuthethelela umlingani noma umlingani okhohlisayo iza ngezinyathelo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyazibuza ukuthi ungayithethelela kanjani intombi/umlingani okhohlisayo noma uzama ukuthola indlela yokuthethelela owakwakho ngokukopela nokwakha kabusha ubuhlobo, nazi izinyathelo zokuthethelela ngokuphelele umuntu owakopela kuwe:
1. Yamukela isimo sakho esingokomzwelo nesingokwengqondo
Ukuqhathwa kulimaza impilo yomuntu engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo. Ukuthethelela umlingani okhohlisayo, yamukela iqiniso lokuthi udabukile futhi kulungile ukudabuka. Ungayivaleli imizwa yakho; bavame ukuklabalasa ngezinye izindlela ezilimazayo. Yamukela imiphumela engokomzwelo nengokwengqondo yokungathembeki. Ukuqomisana ngaphandle komshado nakanjani kuzoba nomthelela omkhulu kuwe futhi lokho kulungile.
U-Utkarsh uthi, “Ngokuvamile, isimo esiphezulu somzwelo esizizwa siwukuzicabangela kwethu ukuze sizivikele. Isibonelo, uma ubamba umlingani wakho elele nomunye umuntu, uzothukuthela, uzibuze, "Kungani abantu khohlisa umuntu abamthandayo?” Kuyoba khona ukucasuka nokukhungatheka futhi leyo yindlela yakho yokuzivikela.
"Noma ungase uphike imizwelo yakho yangempela yokudabuka, usizi, nokwesaba. Ngisho noma ukwazi ngokuzithoba, uyayicindezela leyo mizwa ngoba kunzima kakhulu ukubhekana nayo. Kodwa uma ufuna ngempela ukwazi ukuthi ungamthethelela kanjani umlingani wakho ngokukopela, kufanele uvume leyo mizwa enzima futhi uzivumele uphile futhi ubhekane nemizwa engemihle.
“Ukuxolela umuntu okhohlisayo masinyane kungaba yisinqumo esingacabangi ngoba ukuxolelana akusona isixazululo esisheshayo ebudlelwaneni, wuhlelo olude oluqala ngawe, yiba nomusa kuwena kuqala, awumenzeli umusa ngokumxolela. umthwalo wemizwa. "
2. Ziveze
Memeza ube umcamelo. Dlala ingoma edabukisayo futhi uklabalase njengengane. Bhala phansi noma yini oyizwayo. Ingabe ufuna ukuxoxa? Yibhale phansi noma umemeze odongeni ekamelweni elingenalutho. Intukuthelo mayidedelwe; zidedele lezonyembezi. Uma ungakwazi ukuveza intukuthelo yakho kanye nobuhlungu kumlingani wakho, kwenze nomngane noma ilungu lomndeni elingasiqonda isimo sakho futhi elingeke likwahlulele.
Siyazi ukuthi akulula ukusula isithombe sikazakwenu nalowo muntu engqondweni yakho. Kodwa awukwazi ukuthola indlela yokuthethelela ukukopela inqobo nje uma ubambelele kodlule. Ungaphinda ukhulume nomeluleki ozokusiza ukuthi ucubungule imizwa yakho futhi uthole umbono. Udinga ukuveza imizwa yakho ukuze uveze imizwa yakho evalekile. Yile ndlela kuphela ongafinyelela ngayo ohlelweni lokuthethelela umuntu owakopela.
3. Xhumana nomuntu omethembayo ukuze uxolele othile ngokukopela
Ngezinye izikhathi, ukukhuluma nomuntu omethembayo noma othile ocabanga ukuthi uzokuqonda kuyinto engcono kakhulu ongayenza lapho ubhekene nokucindezeleka kwengqondo. Kuhle ukuba nombono ohlukile ngosizi lwakho. Ungazami ukuzelapha wedwa. Funa futhi uthole usizo kumuntu othembayo. Kwesinye isikhathi, ukuphuma nabangani kuyasiza.
Akudingeki uxoxe ngesimo sakho nabo kodwa ukukhuluma nje ngezinsuku zesikole noma zasekolishi futhi uhleke kakhulu kungase kube ukwelapha. Ukuxhumana nabantu njalo kusiza ukusebenza njengesidambisi sokucindezeleka. Ngeke ube naso isikhathi sokugxila emizweni engemihle obunayo uma uxhumana nabantu abaseduze kwakho. Ukuze uthole ukuthi ungamthethelela kanjani umkhohlisi, kufanele uqale ululame ekubuyiseleni emuva. Ukuzungeza abantu abakulethela injabulo kuyokuvumela ukuba wenze lokho kanye.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukubhekana Nokucindezeleka Ngemva Kokukopela Umuntu - 7 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe
4. Zinike wena nomlingani wakho indawo
Ukunamathela kumlingani wakho wokukopela ukuze uhlole konke ukunyakaza kwabo ngeke nje kucekele phansi ukuthula kwakho kwengqondo kodwa futhi kulimaza ubuhlobo nakakhulu. Uma ucabanga ukuthethelela, zinike wena nomlingani wakho indawo ethile. Kungase kukusize uphinde uhlole isimo sakho ebudlelwaneni.
Kungesinye salezo zikhathi lapho ukuthatha ikhefu ebuhlotsheni kubonakala njengokukhetha okunempilo. Phuma izinyanga ezimbalwa futhi uqale ukuhlala ngokwehlukana. Ngale ndlela niyobona ukuthi nibaluleke kangakanani komunye nomunye. Nizakhele ukuphila ndawonye ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi nakuba ukungathembeki kwenzekile, kusekhona uchungechunge oluxhumanisa nobabili. Uma uhlala ngokwehlukana ungaqala ukusebenza ekuvuseleleni lolo xhumo futhi ukuthethelela umlingani wakho wokukopela kuzoba lula.
Lokhu kubaluleke nakakhulu uma uzama ukuxolela othile okukhohlise izikhathi eziningi. Njengoba ukukhaphela okuphindaphindiwe kungaholela ezindabeni zokwethembana ezijulile ebudlelwaneni, ibanga elithile lingakunikeza imibono emisha yalokho ozifunela kona. Ingabe ufuna ukubanika elinye ithuba noma wenze ikhefu elihlanzekile? Khumbula ukuthi intethelelo ngemva kokukopela nokuthatha umlingani emuva akuncikene.
Ngokusho kuka-Utkarsh, "I-Space ibaluleke kakhulu uma kuziwa ekusebenzelaneni nomlingani okhohlisayo. Uma uzibuza, "Ungamthethelela kanjani umuntu oqambe amanga futhi akhohlise?", Kufanele wazi ukuthi kuncike kakhulu kusibopho kanye nesibopho. ukusondelana ngokomzwelo umbhangqwana uhlanganyela ebudlelwaneni babo.
"Ozakwethu bangakwazi ukuxazulula lokhu ngokukhulumisana okwakhayo okusebenzayo, lapho bobabili beqotho ngokomzwelo futhi bekhululekile, bebeka eceleni izivikelo zabo zokuzazisa. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, kubalulekile ukuhlonipha indawo yomuntu siqu yomunye nomunye. Ezimweni ezinjengalezi, abantu benza ngengqondo yabo enganakile futhi maningi amathuba okuba baphike. Kodwa uma kudingeka nibonisane ukuthi nixoxisana ngalokho okwenzekayo komunye nomunye, nibe nesikhathi esivumelanayo. ukuthuthuka ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo.”
5. Ungamthethelela kanjani umuntu ngokukopela? Cabangela ukwelashwa
Ukwelulekwa ngobudlelwano ingakusiza kakhulu noma uzame ukwelashwa kwezithandani ukuze uxhumane ngokukhululekile nozakwenu ngosizo lochwepheshe. Ukwelulekwa kungasusa amafindo ebudlelwaneni benu okwenzeke kuwo ukungathembeki kwasekuqaleni. Ngokuvamile abalingani bakuthola kunzima ukukhulumisana ngemva kokukopela. Ungamxolela kanjani umuntu okuqhathile ube ungakwazi ngisho nokumbheka?
Kukhona ukungakhululeki nokusola njalo, futhi ukwethembana kulahleka ngokuphelele. Kodwa uma umlingani wakho ebhekana nokuzisola ngezenzo zakhe futhi ezimisele ukusebenzela ukulungisa ubudlelwano, umeluleki angakusiza ukuthi uthole ukugeleza okulula kokuxhumana nokuxhumana okulahlekile phakathi kwenu nobabili. Okungcono nakakhulu, ukwelashwa kungasiza ekwakheni kabusha ukwethembana kancane kancane. Ukuze wazi, abeluleki abanekhono nabanolwazi Iphaneli yochwepheshe be-Bonobology zihlale zikhona ngenxa yakho.
6. Yiba nokuqonda
Hhayi lokungathembeki. Kodwa yini eholele umlingani wakho ekuphambukeni (lezi zici zizovela ngezikhathi zokwelapha). Ngokuvamile ukungathembeki kungase kwenzeke ngenxa yokuthi umlingani wazizwa enganakiwe, engaziswa, noma engajabule ebudlelwaneni. Yize lokho kungakuthetheleli ukukopela, kungakusiza ukuthi uqonde isimo sabo sengqondo lapho bekhetha ukukhaphela ukwethenjwa kwakho.
Uma ufuna ukuxolela umlingani wakho owakopela futhi uqale kabusha naye, udinga ukwazi ukudlula esigabeni sokumsola ngokwenza lokho akwenzile. Ukuqonda ukuthi kungani bekopela kwasekuqaleni kuzosiza kuleyo akhawunti. Nokho, lokho akusho ukuthi uzibeka icala kuwe ngokuduka komlingani wakho. Asiphakamisi ukuxolela umkhohlisi maduze kodwa ungalokothi uzizwe unecala ngokungathembeki kozakwenu.
7. Musa ukuceba ukuziphindiselela
Indlela yokuthethelela umuntu ngokukopela? Qala ngokuvuma nokwamukela ukuthi ukuthethelela nokuziphindiselela akukwazi ukuhlalisana. Ukuphindisela kuwukusabela okuvamile. “Umlingani wami ungikhohlisile, ngakho-ke ngizokopela ukuze ngiziphindiselele” kuyisinyathelo esiwubuwula futhi ungase ugcine uzilimaza wena nobuhlobo nakakhulu. Ngakho-ke kungcono ukungawukhuthazi umqondo ukuziphindiselela ukukopela ekhanda lakho.
Intukuthelo ebangelwa ‘ukubuyisela kuye’ izosenza isimo sibe sibi nakakhulu. Umbhangqwana ongakwazi ukudlula intukuthelo uyoba nezinkinga ezingathi sína zokwethembana ngisho noma behlala ebuhlotsheni. Kufanele udlule kuleso sigaba. Kancane kancane, yehlisa intukuthelo futhi ungaphindiseli. Udinga ukuthola ukubamba imizwa yakho siqu. Thola ukuzola kwakho futhi ugxile emsebenzini wakho, ikhaya, noma izinto zokuzilibazisa.
8. Dlula ukungazethembi
Ngemva kokwazi mayelana nokungathembeki komlingani wakho, nakanjani uzizwa ungavikelekile mayelana nokunyakaza kwabo zonke izinyathelo zendlela. Kodwa ukuthethelela umlingani okhohlisayo kuhlobene kakhulu nokufunda ukuthembela umlingani wakho futhi kunokungavikeleki nokuphikisana ngaye. Kujwayelekile ukuthi ugxume uma umlingani wakho okukopela eseduze nocingo noma uma efika sekwephuzile ebuya emsebenzini, ingqondo yakho ivele ihambe kakhulu.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe I-Sexting Ukukopela Uma Usebudlelwaneni?
Futhi, ukukhohliswa kungase kuphazamise ukuzethemba kwakho, futhi imicabango efana nokuthi “Angibafanele” izovakashela ingqondo yakho njalo. Ukuze ukwazi ubuciko 'bokuthethelela umkhohlisi nihlale ndawonye', kufanele uyeke ukuzidabukela. Futhi uma kunjalo, umlingani wakho kufanele adlale indima ebalulekile ekuqinisekiseni ukuthi akuwena, nguyena. Kuzodingeka futhi bathathe izinyathelo zokuqinisekisa ukuthi awenzi uzizwa ungavikelekile ebudlelwaneni futhi. Iyona ndlela kuphela yokufuna nokunikeza intethelelo ngemva kokukopela.
U-Utkarsh uphakamisa ukuthi, "Kulokhu, ngeke ngihambe futhi ngisebenzise noma yiluphi ulimi oluhle noma nginikeze incazelo emnandi. Ukungazethembi kungokwemvelo ebuhlotsheni. Ukungavikeleki kuwumnyango wokuzicabangela wena. Esikhundleni sokusabela noma ukukugwema, kufanele ukuvume futhi ukuhloniphe. Nikeza ukungavikeleki kwakho indawo ethile futhi uqonde ukuthi ukungazethembi kwakho kuzokusho ukuthini. "Ukungavikeleki kwakho kuwukuzama ukukuzwisisa kangcono.
Ukuziphilisa Uma Uthethelela Umuntu Okuqhathile
Ungamxolela umuntu okuqhathile? Lo mbuzo kufanele ube nesisindo engqondweni yakho ngemuva kwemiphumela esheshayo yokukopela. Ngaleso sikhathi, kungase kubonakale sengathi impendulo yalo mbuzo ingu-CHA ocacile, ozwakalayo. Nokho, njengoba isikhathi siqala ukudambisa ubuhlungu, ukuthethelela ngemva kokukopela kuqala ukubonakala kunengqondo.
Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba uthethelele umlingani wakho owakukhohlisa, kufanele ululame futhi ululame ngokugcwele. Ukungathembeki akusho ukuphela kokuqomisana. Ezinye izinto azikwazi ukuhlehliswa futhi ngaphambi kokuthi uqede izinto bese uthatha isinqumo sokungaxoleli, cabanga ngomonakalo ozokuthwala.
Zibuze le mibuzo:
- Ingabe uyamthanda umlingani wakho?
- Uyafuna ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni?
- Ingabe uzokwazi ukumethemba umlingani wakho wokukopela futhi?
- Ingabe uzimisele ukudlula endabeni?
- Ingabe uzimisele ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni?
Uma impendulo inguyebo kukho konke lokhu okungenhla, uzodinga kuqala ukwelapha. Ukuphulukisa kusho ukufunda ngesikhathi esedlule futhi ungakuvumeli konakalise isikhathi samanje. Nazi izinto ezimbalwa okufanele uzikhumbule uma uzama ukuzelapha futhi ufuna izimpendulo zokuthi ungamxolela kanjani umuntu owaqamba amanga futhi wakukhohlisa:
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ubunzima Ekwakhiweni Kabusha Ubudlelwano Ngemva Kokukopela Kanye Nendlela Yokubuzulazula
1. Yazi ukuma kwakho futhi ulahle umdlalo wokusola
Ingabe usukulungele ukuthethelela umlingani wokukopela futhi udlule ekungathembeki? Ucabanga ukuthi ungakwazi yini ukuba sebudlelwaneni obunempilo nomuntu osephule ukumethemba kanye noma izikhathi eziningi? Ingabe uzokwazi ukudlulisa ubuhlungu bese uzama ukwethemba futhi? Noma usababethela njengomuntu oziphethe kabi obenganandaba nobungcwele bobudlelwano bakho? Zihlole ngaphakathi kwakho ngaphambi kokuthi ungene.
Utkarsh uthi, "Ukushintsha icala yindlela yakho nje yokuzivikela ebudlelwaneni. Esikhundleni sokungena emdlalweni wengqondo wokusola, ozakwethu kufanele bazame ukuqonda ama-nuances wokuziphatha okuthile kwefulegi elibomvu ngoba akekho owenza umonakalo ebudlelwaneni babo ngamabomu. Wonke umuntu ufuna ukuchuma.
"Uma uqonda umehluko wokuziphatha, kungase kukusize ubone ukuthi lokho kuziphatha kuvelaphi. Uma usukwazi ukuqonda isenzo sabo ngokujula kwengqondo okwengeziwe, kungase kukuvumele ukuthi ubone umlingani wakho ngendlela entsha futhi uqonde isimo sakhe sengqondo. Ekugcineni, uzokwazi ukuthi ungamthethelela kanjani umlingani wakho ngokukopela."
2. Ungabuzi imininingwane engcolile
Uma ufuna ukudlula kukho konke, ungabuzi imininingwane engcolile yendaba. Kuzoba buhlungu kuwe njengoba uzohlala ucabanga umlingani wakho ethandana nomunye umuntu. Kunjalo, uzoba nemibuzo eyisigidi mayelana nokuthi yini, ngani, futhi kanjani yakho konke. Buza umlingani wakho wokukopela imibuzo efanele lokho kuzokusiza ukuthi ubeke lesi sigameko ngemuva kwakho kunokuba usibuyisele emqondweni wakho ku-loop. Into engcono kakhulu ongayenza ukuthi ungagxili emininingwaneni yesenzo.
3. Ukuzama ukuphulukisa ngobusuku nje akunakwenzeka
Ungamthethelela kanjani umuntu ngokukopela nokuziphilisa? Yamukela iqiniso lokuthi ukwethenjwa kwakho kwephukile futhi ngeke kulungiswe ngobusuku obubodwa. Ukuzama ukwenza sengathi yonke into isibuyele kokujwayelekile kuzothiya inqubo yokuphola. Kunalokho, khuluma ngezinto ezikwesabisayo ebudlelwaneni nomlingani wakho. Nikeza ubudlelwano nomlingani wakho isikhathi sokuba ngcono.
4. Gcina amagqubu kude
Isihluthulelo sendlela yokuthethelela umkhohlisi ukuvumela okwedlule kungcwabe abafileyo bakhe. Ukubamba amagqubu ungasuki udlule odabeni ngeke kukuyise ndawo. Ukuhlala ulokhu ubelesela ngendaba noma ukusebenzisa ishende njengethuluzi lokukhohlisa umlingani wakho noma ukumbeka phansi kukhombisa ukuthi usabambe igqubu. Ukubamba amagqubu kwenza kube nzima ukwakha kabusha ubudlelwano ngendlela enempilo, futhi kulimaza nenhlalakahle yakho.
5. Nikeza ithemba ithuba lesibili
Ukuze uzijwayeze ukuthethelela ngemva kokukopela, qhubeka ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni. Angeke kube lula ukuphinda umethembe umuntu wakho kodwa qinisekisa ukuthi uyaqhubeka nokuzama kuze kube yilapho ungasakwazi ukuqagela konke abakushoyo. Ukwethembana kuyisakhiwo sanoma yibuphi ubudlelwano ngakho thola enhliziyweni nasemqondweni wakho ukwethemba nokuthethelela umlingani wakho.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Vuma imizwa yakho futhi udlulise leyo mizwa ngendlela enempilo ukuze uxolele othile okukopele
- Khuluma nomngane futhi uveze uma udinga ukukhulula intukuthelo yakho
- Zinike wena nomlingani wakho indawo ethile ukuze nidlule ekulimaleni nokungazethembi
- Ukukopela ukuziphindiselela akuyona indlela efanele yokwenza
- Zama ukudambisa intukuthelo yakho uma ufuna ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana nozakwenu, futhi uye ukuthola isiqondiso sochwepheshe uma kufanele
Ukuphulukiswa ekukhapheleni ubuhlobo kunzima. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi nangesineke, ubuhlobo obakhelwe kabusha bungaqina nakakhulu. Akungabazeki ukuthi ukuthethelela izindaba eziningi kunzima nakakhulu futhi uma ungakwazi ukwenza lokho, kuyaqondakala. Kodwa njengoba sike sakutshela ngaphambili, kufanele uzibuze imibuzo ethile ebalulekile ngaphambi kokuba uxolele umuntu owakukhohlisa.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Eqinisweni, empeleni unamandla uma ukwazi ukuthethelela umuntu ngemva kokukopela. Idinga amandla omlingiswa ukuze ikwazi ukugxila ezintweni ezinhle zomuntu futhi iqhubeke nokukhaphela.
Ngemva kokulila, ucubungula imizwa yakho, futhi kancane kancane, kungenzeka ukuthethelela othile okukhohlisile. Ukuze ukwazi ukuthethelela ngempela umlingani wakho ngokukopela, udinga ukuphulukisa kusukela ekubuyiseleni emuva ngokuphelele futhi ungaphikisi noma uvale imizwa yakho.
Kungase kuthathe isikhathi ngoba umlingani angaqhubeka ezwa ubuhlungu ngemva kokungathembeki. Kodwa uma bobabili abalingani benza umzamo wokwakha kabusha ukwethembana, ubuhlobo bungabuyela kokujwayelekile.
Kuya ngomuntu ngamunye nokuthi uthinteka kanjani ngokukhashelwa. Abanye bangase bathathe izinyanga ezimbalwa, abanye unyaka noma emibili, kanti abanye bangase bangaxoleli ngokuphelele. Ingxenye yabo ingaqhubeka nokuncelisa ubuhlungu.
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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Ukuthethelela kusho ukwamukela iqiniso, ukubheka umkhohlisi njengomuntu ojwayele ukukhukhuleka futhi anqobe imizwa engemihle/ yokuziphindiselela kumkhohlisi. Okokuqala nokubalulekile ekuthetheleleni ukunqoba imizwa yokuziphindiselela kumkhohlisi. Ukuziphindiselela kuhilela ukusakaza umhlaba wonke mayelana nesenzo sokukopela nokuletha isibazi kumlingiswa wabakhohlisi emehlweni abantu abaseduze & abathandekayo, izingane zabo, abazali babo nezingane zakubo, abangani, kanye nomphakathi wonkana, okwenza ukuphila komkhohlisi kube lusizi empilweni yaleli zwe elibonakalayo futhi ekugcineni isehlukaniso esinobudlova. Ukuziphindiselela kuzizwisa ubuhlungu kanye nomkhohlisi ngakho kufanele kugwenywe. Ukuziphindiselela kuyisici sesilwane.
Ukukopela kuwela kabanzi ezimweni ezingezansi
1.Ukuthi umkhohlisi uxoxile yini ngezindaba zomshado nezinye ezibalulekile nezibalulekile noma akasenandaba yingakho umkhohlisi ephoqeleka ukuthi akope. Kodwa-ke, izinkinga emshadweni azikwazi ukugunyazwa ukukopela futhi umkhohlisi bekufanele asongele/aphume ebudlelwaneni abengawenzanga.
2.UCheater wavele wakhetha ukukopela ngaphandle kwemizamo yokuxazulula izinkinga zomshado. Izinhloso zomkhohlisi zicacile njengoba umkhohlisi unesibindi sokulahla izindwangu futhi ajabulele isenzo nomuntu wesithathu futhi enze idrama ekhaya kodwa ngeshwa kumkhohlisi, ikusasa linezinye izinhlelo futhi ukukopela kudalulwe.
3.Umkhohlisi waphambuka futhi ngenxa yecala nokuphenduka kwangempela wadalula isenzo ngokushesha kumngane womshado othembekile wacela intethelelo futhi wathembisa ukuthi ngeke asiphinde leso senzo. Lapha umkhohlisi wazi kahle ukuthi ubeka umshado engcupheni ngokudalula nokho adalule.
Akungabazeki ukuthi ukuthethelela umuntu omzwise ubuhlungu obukhulu kungokwaphezulu. Kodwa ukuthi umuntu kufanele amxolele yini umkhohlisi futhi aqhubeke nomshado noma athethelele umkhohlisi ngokwehlukana ngezindlela ezihlukene yilokho okuzonqunywa ngokusekelwe emandleni akhe okumunca iqiniso elibuhlungu/ elinqunu kanye neqiniso elibabayo/ubuso beqiniso balabo ababizwa ngokuthi abathandekayo.
4.Xolela uqhubeke nomshado
Lokhu kudinga amandla aqinile engqondo kanye nezici zomuntu siqu. Uma umuntu ethethelela futhi eqhubeka nokuhlala nomkhohlisi, kufanele anqobe imizwa yokungazethembi, ukungafaneleki, amahloni, njll. Lokhu kudinga amandla aqinile engqondo kanye nezici zomuntu siqu ngaphandle kwalokho umuntu anganqotshwa ukucindezeleka/isigubhu/imicabango yokuzibulala. Umuntu angathola usizo olungokomoya ukuze aphulukise inqubo futhi athethelele umkhohlisi. Ngokomoya ngamunye, sonke singama-Atman anemizimba yenyama. Ezingeni lika-Atman, umphefumulo ophakeme ungubaba wethu futhi sonke singabantwana bakhe. Wonke ama-Atman anobunikazi obuhlukile kodwa obufanayo ngekhwalithi ngaphandle kwanoma yikuphi ukuphakama noma ukwehla. Ngakho-ke asikho isidingo sokuzonda. Kodwa ngemva kokuziphatha okubi / isono, umphefumulo okhohlisayo uthola izono zezithelo kulokhu kuzalwa noma esikhathini esizayo. Ubudlelwano bakho nomkhohlisi buyisikhathi eside kuphela uma umzimba wakho ukhona kulokhu kuzalwa. Ubudlelwano bethu hhayi endaweni yesikhulumi socansi kodwa ukuxhumana nomphefumulo. Yiba nozwelo kumkhohlisi futhi uthethelele futhi wedlule.
5.Xolela futhi uqhubekele phambili
Ungumuntu oziphethe kahle futhi awukwazi ukubekezelela ukuphutha kobuqotho bakho. Futhi uzwela futhi uzwela awukwazi ukumunca iqiniso futhi uqhubeke nomshado. Bese ucabanga ukuthi Uma umuntu enomphefumulo oncomekayo, ugcina esenabalingani bakhe bokuphila ababonisa uthando olungenabugovu ngaphandle kwalokho bagcine sebenamaqili/abakhohlisi abanobugovu futhi lokho kuyikusasa futhi ukwamukele. Ungabahawukela esikhundleni sokucasuka, ngozwelo uthandaze kuNkulunkulu ubaphe umqondo ohlakaniphe kakhulu kanye nokuchuma futhi uveze ukungakwazi ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano afterall u are also human like cheater but not a saint. Ngaphandle kombala nokukhala, ngaphandle kokulimaza idumela labaphangi ngokuvumelana okuyingxenye yezindlela.