Uthando Olunemibandela Ebudlelwaneni: Kusho Ukuthini? Izimpawu Nezibonelo

Yize kungenzeka ukuthi sonke sezwa ngegama elithi “uthando olungenamibandela” cishe elisetshenziswa kaningi ukukhombisa izindaba zothando zaphakade ezikrinini zethu, asikaze sethulwe emcabangweni wothando olunemibandela. Uthando olunemibandela njengoba igama liluchaza, lukhona ukuze kufezeke imibandela ethile yokunikeza uthando. Omunye umlingani angakwazi ukuthanda omunye kuphela uma eqeda indima ethile, umsebenzi noma ngezinye izikhathi, amenze azizwe enomuzwa ojwayelekile.

Uthando imizwa eyinkimbinkimbi ephindaphindeka okungaba nzima kakhulu ukuyichaza ngezinye izikhathi. Manje uma sesicabanga ngakho, kukangaki sibanjwe othandweni olunemibandela ebudlelwaneni noma uthando olunemibandela emshadweni? Ngabe sibeka izimfuneko kozakwethu ngokunganakile esingeke neze sikwazi ukwenza ngaphandle kwazo, mhlawumbe ukwanelisa isidingo esijulile esingaphakathi kwethu?

Lusho Ukuthini Uthando Olunemibandela?

“Uthando olunemibandela akulona uthando” kushiwo abantu abaningi, kodwa liyiqiniso kangakanani le nkulumo?

Incazelo yothando olunemibandela imane iwuhlobo lothando olusekelwe ezimweni. Uma izenzo ezithile zenzeka, yilapho kuphela uthando lutholwa noma lunikezwa. Nakuba ukwenza uthando olunemibandela kungadala imiphumela embalwa eyinkimbinkimbi, ake sizame ukuqonda kangcono uthando olunemibandela ebudlelwaneni ngosizo lwezibonelo ezithile zothando olunemibandela.

• “Mntanami, ngizojabula kakhulu futhi ngiziqhenye ngawe kodwa kuphela uma uwina indebe yobuqhawe”
• “Uyazi ngingaba nawe kuphela ngenhliziyo yami yonke uma ungithengela indandatho kanye nomuzi wethu”
• “Ungiyeke noma uyeke ukuziphatha kanje uyangiphoxa”
• "Ngizokuthatha njengendodana yami kuphela uma uqhuba ibhizinisi lami"
• “Uyazi bengingathanda ukube ubungakhulumi kakhulu ngaso sonke isikhathi”
• “Ngizokholwa ukuthi ungithanda ngempela uma ungithumelela isithombe esimnandi”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 8 Izinkinga Zobudlelwano Ongabhekana Nazo Uma Ubunabazali Abanobuthi

Lapho umuntu enziwa ukuthi azizwe sengathi kufanele eqe indawo ethile yokuhlola noma isithiyo esithile ukuze athole uthando nokuqashelwa, kuyadlalwa uthando olunemibandela, alukho nje kuphela ebudlelwaneni bababhangqwana kodwa nakubazali nezingane, izingane zakubo, njll.

Kuphephile ukusho ukuthi uthando lunemibandela kodwa uthando olunemibandela lungaba nemingcele kakhulu, futhi lungase lubonakale njengolwenziwayo, lukha phezulu, lunonya futhi lulawula. Kungabangela ubuhlungu obuningi, ingcindezi kanye nesimo sokudideka semizwa, ikakhulukazi kumlingani othandwa ngokwemibandela.

Kodwa futhi, kubo bonke ubuhlobo, abantu bayahluka futhi kanjalo nesibopho sabo. Nakuba uthando olunemibandela kwezinye izimo lungasebenza njengentelezi, kwezinye, ngezinye izikhathi ukubeka phansi izimo kungasiza. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi kungase kube ukuphula isivumelwano noma umthombo omkhulu wokuhlukumezeka kuye ngokuthi isimo siyini.

Ngaphambi kokudlulela ezimpawini ezingabazekayo zokuthi usothandweni olunemibandela, ake siqale sichaze uthando olungenamibandela.

Lusho Ukuthini Uthando Olungenamibandela?

Luyini uthando olungenamibandela kodwa ukuthanda ngaphandle kwemibandela futhi unikeze ukwesekwa okuphumelelayo ebubini nasebuncaneni obunomqondo ocacile womqondo womuntu omthandayo? Umuzwa wokwamukela amandla namaphutha abo futhi uthande zonke izingxenye zazo ngaphandle kwanoma yimiphi imibandela, ngaphandle kwanoma iyiphi i-ifs noma i-buts, uthando olungenamkhawulo nje olungadingi ukuxoshwa noma ukunqotshwa. Uthando olungenamibandela alunabugovu, inikelwa ngesihle.

Nakuba uthando olungenamibandela kuyilokho okufanele silwele ukuzitholela kona, kungaba luqili uma kuziwa kwabanye abantu. Uthando olungenamibandela ngomuntu ongalungile lungabuye lulethe ubuhlungu obukhulu nokudideka uma kungalinganiswa nemingcele enempilo.

10 Amafulegi Abomvu Wothando Olunemibandela

Manje njengoba sesifundile mayelana nencazelo yobudlelwano bothando obunemibandela, ake sizame ukukhomba ukuthi lokhu kungaba yinkinga kangakanani kumlingani oyedwa noma bobabili. Lezi yizimpawu zothando olunemibandela ebudlelwaneni.

Yize iningi lethu linabo ngempela abaphula isivumelwano noma amafulegi abomvu esingeke nje singaziba futhi sixhumane nozakwethu njengoba ubudlelwano budlondlobala. Kungaba nzima ukuqonda ukuthi kusho ukuthini lokhu, ingabe kwenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuhle?

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungawaqaphela Kanjani Amafulegi Abomvu Wobudlelwano - Uchwepheshe Uyakutshela

Nakuba ukuxhumana kuyisici esikhulu esithonya umgudu wobudlelwano, kufanele kuhambe ibanga elingakanani ngaphambi kokuthi kuphenduke ubudlelwano bothando obunemibandela?

Amafulegi abomvu obudlelwano bothando obunemibandela ami kanje:

1. Awuhambi kahle ngokomqondo

Sekunesikhathi udonsa kanzima wedwa ungazi ukuthi kumele uziphathe kanjani ebudlelwaneni. Unamathela ezintweni ezeqisayo, uqhelelene kakhulu noma unamathele kakhulu, ulindele lukhulu kumlingani wakho ikakhulukazi “ukukusindisa” nokho lokhu okuhle ngokwako akukho. I-Codependency ingaba umbulali wobudlelwano. Umlingani wakho akakwazi ukushintsha impilo yakho yengqondo, nguwe kuphela ongakwenza lokho.

2. Umlingani wakho unokwahlulela okukhulu

Ukuthola kunzima ukwabelana ngemibono nemibono yakho ethembekile phambi komlingani wakho ngenxa yokwesaba ukuhlehla kwabo noma amazwi alimazayo. Uhlala unomuzwa wokuthi kufanele ulingane nelebula noma isigaba esithile ngokusho kwabo noma ukuthi imibono yakho ayinalo inani. Uyesaba ukuthi empeleni bayakwahlulela futhi basho izinto ngawe ngemuva.

3. Umlingani wakho ugcina amaphuzu

Kuyize ukuphikisana ngokuhlangana okuningana okuhlukene kokuthi “Ngikwenzele lokhu” kanye nokuthi “Ngikutshelile”. Ukunamathela ukudlala umdlalo wokusola ngeke kuyixazulule inkinga. Ukuthola impande nokuxoxisana ngokuthi ningaqhamuka kanjani nezixazululo zenu nobabili kubalulekile.

4. Awuvikelekile

Awumethembi umlingani wakho futhi uvame ukufakazela ukungavikeleki kwakho kuye. Uzama ukulawula ukuziphatha kwabo, ulimaza ubuhlobo bakho kanye nomlingani wakho ozama ukwenza okuhle ngawe.

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5. Isithandwa sakho sikubona njengesiphukuphuku

Ubona ubudlelwano njengokubalekela izwe eligcwele izinkinga ongathanda ukubalekela kuzo. Isibonelo, ubafaka ingcindezi enkulu yokuthi baphathe isikhathi sabo nempilo ngendlela ophila ngayo, noma umlingani wakho ulindele ukuthi uthenge uthando lwakhe ngezipho ezibizayo namagugu.

6. Uthanda ukuphelela

Uba nesikhathi esinzima sokudedela umqondo wobudlelwane obuphelele kangangokuthi ugcina ukunaka kakhulu izimo ezingasho lutho kanye nemininingwane ngenkathi ulahlekelwa isikhathi nokunakekelwa okwabelwana ngakho, okuyikhona okwenza ubuhlobo bube nenzuzo. Unesikhathi esinzima ukuyeka umqondo wokupheleliswa ukuze ulandele indlela enokulinganisela kahle eya ebudlelwaneni obunakho kokubili okuhle nokushiyeka. Wena ubambe izintambo ngokungabonakali kuzo zonke izici zezinqumo nezingxoxo.

7. Awusoze waba muhle ngokwanele

Ngengxoxo ngayinye nengxabano, bakhomba ukuthi awusoze walinganisa kanjani, ukuthi uhlale untula kanjani futhi abalokothi bavume ingxenye enhle, njalo bethembele kokubi kanye nalokho okushodayo. Uhlala ukhathazekile futhi ucindezelekile futhi, ngokulandelayo, ngaphakathi kuwe, ukungabaza kuyabonakala. Uthandwa kuphela ezimweni lapho usuzibonakalisile.

8. Anikwazi ukuxhumana ngokukhululekile

Nakuba omunye umlingani efuna izimo zothando lwakhe, omunye akakwazi ukukhuluma ngendlela azizwa ngayo ngempela futhi amukele noma yini eshiwo omunye, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ngenxa yokwesaba noma ukugwema. Kubalulekile ukuthi bobabili abalingani bavuleleke ekuxhumaneni noma ubudlelwano ngeke buhlale.

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9. Awazi ukuthi ungasingatha kanjani izingxabano ngokuvuthiwe

Mhlawumbe ukhule phakathi kwabantu abadala abangazange bafunde ubuciko bokugxeka okwakhayo. Babengenakho ukuhlakanipha okungokomzwelo noma isineke sokuqoqa imicabango yabo futhi baphendule kunalokho ngokucophelela futhi wenze okufanayo. Ungase ucushwe bese ugcine usumemeza ngokucasuka noma ukhale noma uvale umlomo ngokuzenzakalelayo. Awuboni ngisho nokuthi kunezindlela ezingcono zokusisingatha lapho zonke izinhlangothi zizizwa zigunyazwe futhi zamukelwa.

10. Umaqondana wakho akakusekeli ngendlela omeseka ngayo

Umlingani wakho uhlale elindele ukuthi ube umeluleki osekela imizwa nokuziphatha kodwa abekho lapho umdinga. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi phakathi kozwela onokuzithemba okuphansi kanye ne-narcissist ebuhlotsheni. Narcissists abanalo uzwelo.

Uthando Olunemibandela VS Uthando Olungenamibandela

Manje njengoba sesazi ukuthi luyini uthando olungenamibandela nothando olunemibandela, ake sibheke umehluko oyinhloko phakathi kothando olunemibandela nolungenamibandela:

1. Ukuncika ezimweni

Umehluko omkhulu phakathi kothando olunemibandela nolungenamibandela ubukhona bokuthi 'uma' kanye 'noma ngabe kuyini. Nakuba uthando olunemibandela ngokuvamile luhlanganisa izimo nezimfuneko zokuzimisela ukuthanda. Kuhlala kunesidingo 'uma lezi zimo zihlangatshezwana nazo.' Ngaleso sikhathi, uthando olungenamibandela alunazo izidingo ezinjalo, umlingani oyedwa uzoqhubeka ethanda omunye 'kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini' ngokukhululekile. ngaphandle kwemibandela.

2. Ukwethembana nokuzinza

Uma kuziwa othandweni olungenamibandela, bobabili abalingani bazizwa bethembeke kakhulu futhi bezinzile ebudlelwaneni babo njengoba bekwazi ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile ngaphandle kwanoma yiziphi izimfuneko noma izimo, okubenza bahlale bethintana ngaphandle kokwesaba. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uthando olunemibandela lwenza omunye umlingani acindezeleke kakhulu futhi esabe ukusabela komunye ngoba bakhathazeka ngokuthi uma bengakwazi ukuchaza izimo futhi bazifeze, imiphumela ingaba mibi. Lokhu kwesaba ebudlelwaneni kungaholela ekwenyukeni kokungazethembi kanye nokungazinzi kubo bobabili abalingani.

3. Ithiyori yothando

Ithiyori engunxantathu yothando yathuthukiswa nguRobert Sternberg, esimweni sobudlelwane bomuntu siqu. Izingxenye ezintathu zothando, ngokombono kanxantathu, ziyingxenye yokusondelana, ingxenye yentshiseko, kanye nengxenye yesinqumo/yokuzibophezela. Zontathu lezi zingxenye zokusondelana, ukuzibophezela kanye nentshiseko zitholakala othandweni olungenamibandela kodwa uthando olunemibandela lungase lube nothando noma ukusondelana noma ingxube yakho kokubili.

4. Ukwaneliseka nokwamukelwa

Uthando olungenamibandela lunezinga lokwamukelwa elingenakuqhathaniswa nothando olunemibandela. Umlingani oyedwa wamukela omunye ngokuwaqonda ngokugcwele amakhono akhe, ukuhlukumezeka kanye nezihibe, kodwa uyabathanda futhi abasekele kukho konke. Bobabili ozakwethu kulobu budlelwano bazizwa beneliseke kakhulu futhi bevikelekile. Othandweni olunemibandela, ukwaneliseka kunikezwa uma izimo nokulindela kozakwethu kuhlangatshezwane nalokho okungenzeki ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ukwamukela lapha kunqotshwa ukungalingani.

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5. Ukungqubuzana phakathi kwabalingani

Ukusingatha izingxabano nokungezwani othandweni olunemibandela kuhluke kakhulu othandweni olungenamibandela. Othandweni olungenamibandela, abalingani bangase baxabane kodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi ngenjongo yokugcina ubuhlobo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, izingxabano zothando ezinemibandela zingagcina zilimaze ubuhlobo njengoba abalingani bexabene kunokuba bathole isisombululo ngokuhlanganyela. Ukuba amasu aqinile okuxazulula izingxabano abalulekile ukuze kuqhubeke ubudlelwano.

6. Imibono evulekile kanye nokuqina

Ozakwethu othandweni olungenamibandela bayavumelana nezimo futhi bavuleleke emibonweni emisha okungenzeka ukuthi abazange bacabange ngayo ngaphambili. Ubudlelwano obunjalo bugxile ekwamukeleni okufanayo, ukuvuleleka kanye nengqondo ethi 'thina'. Ozakwethu bayakwazi ukukhuluma ngokucacile ngezinkinga nezinkathazo zabo. Othandweni olunemibandela, indaba ihluke ngokuphelele. Ozakwethu bavalekile kakhulu futhi bavame ukugcina ibanga elithile. Abafuni ukugxila ezihlokweni ezingase zibangele ukulwa ngenxa yokwesaba noma ngenxa yemibono ecatshangwe ngaphambili. Izindonga ziphezulu futhi ingxoxo eyiqiniso ayikho.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zobudlelwane Obunempilo

Incazelo yothando olungenamibandela kanye nothando olunemibandela okusho ukuthi kokubili kuthintwa. Nakuba kokubili uthando olunemibandela nolungenamibandela luphethe okuhle nokubi, inhlanganisela enempilo yakho kokubili iresiphi engcono kakhulu yobudlelwano obunempilo obunokulinganisela.

Njengendaba yomuntu oqaphela ukuthi uthando alukho mayelana nezenzo ezinhle, imayelana nokuzibophezela enikwenza ndawonye nsuku zonke. Kulapho uthando olungenamibandela luhlangana khona nothando olunemibandela.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.