Indlela Yokuyeka Ukuba I-Codependent Ebudlelwaneni

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I-Codependency ingaba umbulali wobudlelwano, futhi mhlawumbe ingenye yezindlela ezicashile nezicashile lapho ubudlelwano buphenduka ubuthi futhi/noma bugcine buphele. Ngakho-ke, ungakuyeka kanjani ukuzimela, okungukuthi, ukuthembela ngokweqile kumlingani osebudlelwaneni bakho, kuze kube seqophelweni lapho oyedwa noma nobabili ningenakho nhlobo ukuzimela noma ubuntu obusele?

I-Codependency iyindawo yamabhomu ekhohlisayo ongayisebenzisa ngoba ukupha nokuzidela kuvame ukubonwa njengezingxenye ezibalulekile zothando. Kodwa nakuba kukuhle ukucabangela nokukhathalela uzakwenu, ukweqisa kungaba yingozi njengoba kungase kuvumele ukuziphatha kwakho okunobuthi noma kozakwenu.

Ubudlelwano be-Codependent kungase kubonakale sengathi buhle kakhulu, lapho umbhangqwana ubonakala sengathi uhlale ubhekena futhi uncike komunye nomunye kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Kodwa kwenzekani lapho umlingani eba udondolo oluphelele? Lapho oyedwa noma nobabili ningasakwazi ukwenza izinqumo ezizimele? Lapho izimpilo zenu zizungezana kuphela?

Ukuze sikhanyise kabanzi ngokuthi singayeka kanjani ukuthembela komunye umuntu, sicele izeluleko kumqeqeshi wezempilo yengqondo kanye nokuqaphela uPooja Priyamvada (oqinisekiswe kwi-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela eJohns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye naseNyuvesi yaseSydney), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngezindaba zobudlelwano bomshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi kanye nokulahlekelwa, ukubala ezimbalwa. Qhubeka ufunda ukuze uthole ulwazi lwakhe lobuchwepheshe.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuba I-Codependent?

Okuqukethwe

“Ukuthambekela kobuhlobo obuqinile ebudlelwaneni yilapho umuntu evumela ukuziphatha komlingani wakhe okulimazayo njengokulutheka noma ukubhujiswa ngokomzwelo ngokufihla izinkinga zakhe noma ukuzivikela emiphumeleni. Kodwa-ke, kungathatha izinhlobo eziningi ezahlukene, kuye ngobuhlobo,” kusho uPooja.

Ngakho-ke, ubudlelwano bokuncika komunye nomunye bukhuthaza ukuthembela komunye nomunye kunokuba kusize bobabili abalingani ukuba bakhule njengabantu abaphilile abaletha amandla ahlukile esibophweni sabo. Kungabonakala futhi njengoba omunye umlingani eba ngumnakekeli wohlobo oluthile kanti omunye umlingani esebenzisa ithuba, ngaleyo ndlela kuholele ekuguqukeni kwamandla obudlelwano obungenempilo.

Izimo ezinjalo zivame ukuvela uma umlingani oyedwa ehlushwa ukugula okungamahlalakhona, izinkinga zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, nanoma yisiphi esinye isimo lapho edinga khona ukunakekelwa njalo. Kodwa kunokuba balwele ukuzimela ngisho nasezintweni ezincane, baqala ukuthembela ngokuphelele kumlingani wabo. Ngokulandelayo, umlingani onakekelayo angase aqale ukuzibona njengomfel’ ukholo, adele ubuyena ukuze anakekele omunye.

Ubudlelwano obunjalo buyingozi kakhulu kubo bobabili abantu. Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi, ungathatha isinyathelo sokubuyela emuva, uvume ukuthi kwenzekani, bese uthatha izinyathelo zokukulungisa. Ngakho-ke, ungayeka kanjani ukuthembela komunye umuntu ebudlelwaneni? Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ushiya ubuhlobo bokuthembela komunye umuntu noma ufuna ukuqhubeka nokusebenza ezintweni, sikuphathele konke.

Ungakuyeka Kanjani Ukuba I-Codependent - Ngokusho Kochwepheshe

Ungakuyeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent? Uzimbela kanjani umgodi wobudlelwano okungenzeka ukuthi umbe egameni lothando? Siqoqe amathiphu angu-9 ochwepheshe ukuze ucabangisise futhi wenze ngawo lapho uzibuza, "Ngikuyeka kanjani ukuncika?"

1. Faka imali ekuzinakekeleni/ukuzithanda

"Umonakalo wokuqala omkhulu owenziwa ukuthambekela kokuziphatha okubi uthinta isithombe sethu. Ngakho-ke, ngenkathi silulama, kubalulekile ukuzinakekela nokuzithanda okuholela ekukhuleni kokuzihlonipha nokuzethemba," kusho uPooja.

Uma iningi noma yonke impilo yakho itshalwe kumlingani wakho nasenhlalakahleni yakhe, maningi amathuba okuthi ungayinaki impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokomzwelo. Indlela elula yokuzizwa sengathi awunanzuzo ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho iwukubheka esibukweni bese ubona umuntu okhathele, ohlulwa njalo.

Zinike isikhathi. Funda incwadi, thatha uhambo olude, joyina ikilasi le-aerobics, uzibhukhele ukubhucungwa okunethezeka. Hamba nabangani, noma uzikhiphe ngosuku. Zithengele ingubo entsha, faka i-lipstick oyikhonzile, futhi uziphathe kahle kuwe. Khumbula, awukwazi ukuba muhle kwabanye uma ungenzi kahle kuwe kuqala.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-9 Zokuyekethisa Okungafanele Ebudlelwaneni

Ukuyeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent kuwumbuzo onempendulo engcolile futhi ende. Uzodinga ukutshala isikhathi esiningi nomzamo kulolu hambo, okusho ukutshala amandla akho kanye nenhlalakahle yakho. Zinakekele wena kuqala, bese kuba umlingani wakho.

ngiyeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent — Ukuzithanda kuyisinyathelo esikhulu sokunciphisa ukusebenzisana

2. Thuthukisa uhlelo lwakho lokusekela ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho

"Nakuba ubudlelwano bakho nomlingani wakho bubalulekile empilweni yakho, kubalulekile ukuthi ungazihlukanisi ngenxa yalokho. Kudingeka ugcine obunye ubudlelwano bakho buphila futhi wakhe uhlelo lokusekela ongaphendukela kulo uma kunenhlekelele ebuhlotsheni bakho bothando," kuxwayisa uPooja.

Uthando luvame ukubhekwa njengento evelele ebudlelwaneni kangangokuthi sivame ukunganaki ukubaluleka kokuxhumana okunenjongo kanye nokwemindeni. Akulungile futhi akulungile ukubeka wonke amathemba akho angokomzwelo kanye nomthwalo wemizwa kumuntu oyedwa noma kunjalo. Kunokuxhumana okuningi kothando nokunenjongo okwenziwa ngaphandle kobudlelwano bothando, okufaka isandla empilweni ecebile nehlukahlukene.

Ubudlelwano be-Codependent buvame ukusenza sibambelele futhi sincike kozakwethu. Futhi ngokungenakugwenywa, sigcina sicasukile futhi sidumala lapho bengakwazi ukufeza konke esikulindele nesifiso sethu. Ngakho-ke, into enempilo kunazo zonke esingayenza ukuba nesistimu yokwesekwa eqinile nenothando ngaphandle kobudlelwano bethu bothando.

Khumbula, ukuthembela ngokuphelele kumlingani wakho nakho kukwenza ube sengozini enkulu. Uma uhlala nomfazi noma umyeni ozikhukhumezayo , noma umlingani ohlukumezayo, noma uma ushiya ubuhlobo obuxhomeke komunye nomunye, kubalulekile ukuba nabantu ongaya kubo ukuze uthole usizo nokusekelwa.

3. Misa imingcele enempilo

"Imingcele emihle engokomzwelo iyinto okufanele ibe nayo kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo obuhle. Esimweni sokuzimela, lezi zisuke zingekho. Ngisho naphakathi kwabalingani abasondelene, kufanele kube nemingcele enempilo ukuze kungabikho muntu ozwa sengathi indawo yabo kanye nokuzazi kwabo kwephulwa omunye," kuchaza uPooja.

Imingcele yobudlelwano obuhle yenza ubudlelwano obuhle. Futhi esinye sezibonakaliso ezinkulu zobudlelwano obuxhomeke komunye nomunye ukuthi imingcele ayicacile. “Umlingani wami wayelulama ekulimaleni okukhulu kwezemidlalo, futhi kwathatha izinyanga eziningi. Phakathi naleso sikhathi, wancika kimi ngokuphelele futhi, naye, wathukuthela futhi wesaba ukuthi ngizomshiya, noma ukuthi angenzi okwanele ukumnakekela. Waqala ukuhlola ifoni yami nekhalenda ukuze abone ukuthi ngiyaphi nokuthi ngikhuluma nobani,” kusho uShelley.

Ungakuyeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent? Yazi imikhawulo yakho bese usungulela umlingani wakho eminye. Kuyoba khona ezinye izimo lapho udinga ukuhlala ohlangothini lwakho kocingo, futhi bona kwezabo. Lokhu akusho, nganoma iyiphi indlela, ukuntula uthando noma ukunakekela, kunalokho, kumayelana nokukhuthaza nokuzama ukukhulisa ubudlelwano obungcono obuzuzisa nina nobabili.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ubudlelwano Obunempilo Vs Obungenempilo Vs Obuhlukumezayo – Uyini Umehluko

4. Thola izinkinga zokuthembela kwakho ngokubambisana

“Ngokuvamile, ukuthembela kubangelwa ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni noma ebuhlotsheni obudlule.Uma umuntu eziqonda lezi zimbangela, kuba lula ukungaweli emaphethini amadala nasezicupheni ezifanayo.Ngokwelashwa nokwelulekwa, lezi zinkinga zingaxazululwa ukuze zingathinti ubuhlobo bakho bamanje noma besikhathi esizayo,” kweluleka uPooja.

Ukufuna usizo kungaba yingxenye ebalulekile yokululama kwakho ekubhekaneni nobuhlobo bomuntu siqu kanye nobudlelwano bokuhlukumezeka . Kubaluleke kakhulu ukubhekana nesikhathi sakho esidlule kanye nanoma yikuphi ukuhlukumezeka okufihliwe okubonakala manje ebuhlotsheni bokuxhomeka komunye umuntu empilweni yakho yobudala. Mhlawumbe ubone ukungajabuli emshadweni wabazali bakho, noma udlule ebuhlotsheni obubuhlungu empilweni yakho.

Ukuzihlola kubalulekile lapha, kodwa ekugcineni, ukukhuluma nochwepheshe ozolalela ngaphandle kokuchema noma ukwahlulela kuyoba usizo olukhulu. Nakuba ukuphila esikhathini esedlule akusizi, ukukungcwaba ngaphandle kokubhekana nobuhlungu bakho, intukuthelo, neminye imizwa kuzokukwenza uthonyeke kalula ebudlelwaneni obuncikene kanye nokunye ukuxhumana okungenampilo kamuva.

Umbuzo othi 'ngingayeka kanjani ukuthembela kwabanye' kunzima ukuwuphendula uma ungayazi imbangela yawo. Akunangqondo ukuhlanza ubuso bese ucabanga ukuthi konke kulungile. Uma unquma ukufuna usizo, iphaneli labeluleki abangochwepheshe beBonobology liseduze nje ngokuchofoza.

5. Hlukana nobudlelwano, uma kudingeka

Ukushiya ubudlelwano bothando akulula neze. Ukushiya ubudlelwano obuncikene kulukhuni ikakhulukazi ngoba ikhwalithi yakhona eyinhloko ukuthi ikwenze wancika ngokuphelele kumlingani wakho. Ukuhamba noma ngisho nokuthatha isinyathelo emuva ngokomzwelo kungase kusabise kulokhu, futhi ngalokho, kudingekile nakakhulu.

“Kubalulekile ukuqaphela nokuqonda ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi, naphezu komzamo oqotho womlingani oyedwa noma bobabili, ubudlelwano abubonakali buthuthuka. Ebuhlotsheni obunjalo obuyingozi , kungcono ukuthi bonke bahlukane futhi bakhe ibanga eliphephile ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo,” kusho uPooja.

Ukuhlukaniswa akusho ngempela ukuhlukana, kodwa kungase kube ikhefu elifushane, elincane elingapheli. Ibanga elincane lingaletha umbono othile futhi likusize ubone ukuthi ulahlekelwe kangakanani ukuzimela kwakho nokwanelisa wena ngokwakho. Uma usuzisebenzele wena njengomuntu oyedwa futhi njengozakwethu, ungacabanga ukunikeza ubudlelwano bakho elinye ithuba.

Ukunqoba ukwesaba kwakho ukungakwazi ukuzinakekela kuyisici esibalulekile sendlela yokuyeka ukuthembela komunye umuntu ebudlelwaneni. Futhi khumbula, ubuhlobo obukuqeda amandla okuma uqine kungenzeka bungabi yibo obufuna ukuba kubo, ngakho-ke ukuhlukana kobuhlobo kungaba yisisombululo.

6. Yiba nobugovu ukuze ungabi nabugovu

Sesike sakhuluma ngokuzithanda, kodwa lokhu kujula kancane. Ubugovu ngokuvamile akulona igama elihamba kahle nobudlelwano obunempilo. Eqinisweni, akuvamile ukuthi kuqondwe njengokuncoma noma isibaluli esihle kunoma iyiphi ingxenye yempilo. Kodwa uma umbuzo ochazayo wempilo yakho uthi “Ngiyeka kanjani ukuncika?”, yisikhathi sokucabanga ngalokho okukulungele.

Manje, bobabili abathintekayo bangakwazi ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni, kodwa ekugcineni, noma ubani ongenabugovu kancane uba umnakekeli, kanti omunye umlingani ngokuvamile uyena ofuna ukunakekelwa nokunakwa njalo.

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Khumbula, ukuzidela ngokuphelele kwenza umlingani wakho abe nokuthambekela kokuzilimaza. Ngakho-ke, yiba nobugovu kancane. Qala ukuthi 'cha' kubo ngezinye izikhathi. Zijwayeze ukukhuluma kahle nawe ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho uqala ukuzizwa unecala ngokuthi awenzi okwanele. Cabanga ngawe njengomuntu ohlukene nobudlelwane bakho, njengomuntu ophelele, kunengxenye eyodwa yobudlelwano.

Lokhu kuzovusa yonke inhlobo yemizwa ngaphakathi kuwe nakumlingani wakho, ongase azizwe enganakiwe futhi esaba ukulahlekelwa nguwe. Njengozakwethu onakekelayo, uzoba nomuzwa wecala omkhulu futhi ungakhululeki ngokunganikeli impilo yakho yonke ekunakekelweni umlingani wakho. Yileso isizathu esengeziwe sokuhlehla futhi ube nobugovu kancane.

7. Zijwayeze ukuxhumana okucacile

Izinkinga zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni azivamile neze, futhi ukuzixazulula kubalulekile ukuze kugcinwe uthando nenhlonipho phakathi kwabalingani ababili. Kodwa uma usebudlelwaneni obuncikene futhi uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuncika, ukusukuma nokukhuluma kuba semqoka.

Khumbula, ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni akukhona nje ukukhuluma imizwa yakho njengoba uyizwa futhi nini. Zizwe imizwa yakho ngazo zonke izindlela, kodwa kungaba ngumqondo omuhle ukuthola ukuthi uzothini, mhlawumbe uze uyibhale phansi. Uma usebudlelwaneni obuxhomeke komunye nomunye, ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakho kusho ukushintsha ukugxila kumlingani wakho bese ugxila kuwe.

Lokhu kungase kwesabe ngoba ukujwayele kakhulu ukuba umnakekeli, lowo obamba imizwa yomlingani wakho endaweni esobala ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ungase wesabe ukuphathwa buthule komlingani wakho, intukuthelo, ukucasuka, noma ezinye izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo uma uqala ukuxhumana.

Qala ngezinyathelo ezincane. Chaza isikhathi lapho wena nomlingani wakho nikhululekile futhi nikwazi ukukhuluma ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka. Ungesabi noma uphazanyiswe yizinkulumo zabo bese ubacela ukuthi bangakuphazamisi. Chaza izidingo zakho, bese usho ukuthi yini engahlangatshezwanga, ngobumnene kodwa ngokuqinile. Ungazami ukusola abanye , kodwa ungabavumeli nabo bakuthuke. Zimele wena.

8. Cacisa okulindele ebudlelwaneni bakho

Futhi, lokhu kungase kubonakale kuyinto esobala ukuyenza kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Kepha sikhuluma ngobudlelwano obuncikene lapha nokuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuncika, ngakho-ke izinto ezibonakala zilula futhi ezisobala zidinga ukunakwa okukhethekile lapha.

Yini eyayilindelwe ebudlelwaneni bakho ngaphambi kokuba amandla akho abe nokuthembela komunye nomunye? Yini owawuyifuna othandweni? Ubulindele kanjani ukuthi ububele, ukunakekelwa, kanye nothando kubonakale kumlingani wakho, futhi kwakunjani ebudlelwaneni owawubucabanga ngaphambili?

“Bengilokhu ngingumphathi wezinhlekelele, lowo oma aqine esivunguvungwini futhi anakekele abanye abantu,” kusho uPhoebe. “Ngicabanga ukuthi ngangena kubo bonke ubudlelwano bami bezothando, ngokunganaki ngicabanga ukuthi indima yami izohlala ifana. Kwathatha isikhathi eside ukuqaphela ukuthi nami, ngangifuna ukunakekelwa, ukuba othile angimelele ngokuqinile, esikhundleni sokuba ngikwenze ngingedwa.”

Kungumqondo omuhle ukuba nalezi zingxoxo ngaphambi komshado noma ngaphambi kokuba ungene ebudlelwaneni obungathi sína, kodwa imizwa yabantu ayivamile ukunqamuka futhi yome. Singene shí ebudlelwaneni ngaphambi kokuba sibubize kanjalo, futhi sincike komunye nomunye ngaphambi kokuba sazi. Kodwa uma usuqaphele ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle, kubalulekile ukukucacisela wena kanye nomlingani wakho ngalokho okudingayo.

9. Khuthaza ukwanelisa umlingani wakho kanye nawe

Kuyo yonke inkulumo ethi 'ababili babe munye' kanye 'nemizimba emibili, umphefumulo munye', ubuhlobo obunempilo buhlanganisa abantu ngabanye kukho konke ukuhluka kwabo okujulile, ukuhluka kwabantu. Ukuzibungaza kanye nobuntu bakho mhlawumbe into engcono kakhulu ongazenzela yona kanye nobambiswano lwakho, ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni obuncikene.

Isici esibalulekile ekuthembekeni ukuthi ozakwethu bangena shí endimeni yomnakekeli nomnakekeli, okungukuthi oqhubeka epha kanye nalowo oqhubeka ethatha. Omunye ugxile ngokuphelele endimeni yakhe njengomfel’ ukholo, kuyilapho omunye ethembele ngokuphelele emandleni omlingani wakhe nasekunikezeni imvelo. Akekho ongakwazi ukuhlukana nomunye noma ebudlelwaneni.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Angizizwa Ngithandwa: Izizathu Nokuthi Yini Okufanele Ngiyenze Ngakho

Yilapho okumele uhlehle khona futhi uphinde uthole uhlobo oluthile lokuzanelisa. Zama ukwenza umlingani wakho azibophezele futhi aziphendulele yena kanye nezenzo zakhe. Benze bazenzele izinto - izinto owaziyo ukuthi bangakwazi ukuzenza bebodwa - kunokuba bagijimele bona.

Kungaba into encane njengokubenza bazenzele ukudla, noma ukusiza ngomsebenzi wasekhaya. Noma kungase kube umsebenzi omkhulu, othinta inhliziyo kakhulu wokuxolisa lapho benza iphutha, kunokuba uthukuthele. Lokhu kubenza babone ukuthi bayakwazi ukuzinakekela futhi kubakhumbuza ukuthi ungaphezu nje komnakekeli wabo.

Ukushiya ubuhlobo obuxhomeke komunye nomunye akuyona into elula neze, futhi ukuhlala ndawonye, vele, akulula neze. Ubuhlobo obuxhomeke komunye nomunye akusho ukuthi kukhona ukuntuleka kothando noma imizwa emihle phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Futhi akusho ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho obungenampilo abunakulungiswa nhlobo noma ngeke buhlale isikhathi eside.

Kodwa kubalulekile ukuvuma ukuthembela ebuhlotsheni kanye nomonakalo ongawenza kubo. Ubudlelwano bungase bungaqali njenge-codependent, kodwa bungangena ngisho nasezibophweni ezinempilo futhi bubangele imifantu edinga ukuphulukiswa kusuka empandeni, kunokuba ibhalwe phansi.

Nokho, akubona bonke ubudlelwano obuncikene obungaphulukiswa. Lapho sekuba ubudlelwano obunobuthi lapho umlingani wakho ekuhlazisa khona ngokungabi khona ngokwanele kubo, futhi awukwazi ukuzimela, yisikhathi sokuyeka. Khumbula, abukho ubuhlobo obufanele ukuthula kwakho kwengqondo.

Uma ukuphulukiswa kungenzeka, kuzoba nomsebenzi omningi kini nobabili. Ukuvuma lokhu kugula ebuhlotsheni bakho, ukufuna usizo, ukuvulela isithandwa sakho isifuba - konke lokhu kuzoba nzima. Cacisa emqondweni wakho mayelana nokuthi ubudlelwano bakho bufanele ukusetshenzwa futhi bugcinwe, bese ukhetha indlela yakho ngokufanele. Ngikufisela inhlanhla.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ungakuyeka kanjani ukuzimela nge-narcissist?

Ukuze uyeke ukuba yi-codependent ne-narcissist, udinga ukuqina, ubeke imingcele ecacile, futhi uxhumane ngamandla nokucaca. Bazise ukuthi unempilo yakho yomuntu ngamunye okufanele uyiphile futhi uyikhulise, nokuthi awuchazwa kuphela njengomlingani nomnakekeli wabo.

2. Kungani siba abazimele?

Ukuthembela komunye nomunye kungabangelwa ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni noma ubudlelwano bangaphambilini obasibangela ubuhlungu noma obabuhlukumeza ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo . Uma besilokhu sifunda ukuthi ukugoba umlenze ngenxa yothandekayo wethu okubangela ukulahlekelwa ukuthula kwengqondo kuyindlela yokuba nobudlelwano obuphumelelayo, kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi sizoxhomeke komunye nomunye ebudlelwaneni bethu bothando.

Izindlela Eziyi-9 Zokuzimela Ebudlelwaneni Bothando

Izindlela Ezinhle Ezingu-13 Zokuzishela

Ukuthola Umuntu Okhethekile Ngemva Komshado Ebunganeni

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.