Indlela Yokuyeka Ukuba I-Codependent Ebudlelwaneni

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I-Codependency ingaba umbulali wobudlelwano, futhi mhlawumbe ingenye yezindlela ezicashile nezicashile lapho ubudlelwano buphenduka ubuthi futhi/noma bugcine buphele. Ngakho-ke, ungakuyeka kanjani ukuzimela, okungukuthi, ukuthembela ngokweqile kumlingani osebudlelwaneni bakho, kuze kube seqophelweni lapho oyedwa noma nobabili ningenakho nhlobo ukuzimela noma ubuntu obusele?

I-Codependency iyindawo yamabhomu ekhohlisayo ongayisebenzisa ngoba ukupha nokuzidela kuvame ukubonwa njengezingxenye ezibalulekile zothando. Kodwa nakuba kukuhle ukucabangela nokukhathalela uzakwenu, ukweqisa kungaba yingozi njengoba kungase kuvumele ukuziphatha kwakho okunobuthi noma kozakwenu.

Ubudlelwano be-Codependent kungase kubonakale sengathi buhle kakhulu, lapho umbhangqwana ubonakala sengathi uhlale ubhekena futhi uncike komunye nomunye kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Kodwa kwenzekani lapho umlingani eba udondolo oluphelele? Lapho oyedwa noma nobabili ningasakwazi ukwenza izinqumo ezizimele? Lapho izimpilo zenu zizungezana kuphela?

Ukuze sicacise kabanzi ngokuthi ungakuyeka kanjani ukuzimela, sicele izinkomba zomqeqeshi wezempilo nempilo yokucabanga. Pooja Priyamvada (ugunyazwe ku-Psychological and Mental Health Usizo Lokuqala oluvela ku-Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye ne-University of Sydney), ogxile ekululekeni abantu abathandanayo ngaphandle komshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi nokulahlekelwa, ukubala okumbalwa. Funda ukuze uthole imininingwane yakhe yochwepheshe.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuba I-Codependent?

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“Ukuthembela ebudlelwaneni kulapho umuntu evumela ukuziphatha komlingani wakhe okuzilimazayo njengokulutheka noma ukuhlukumezeka ngokomzwelo ngokufihla izinkinga zabo noma ukumvikela emiphumeleni. Nokho, kungathatha izinhlobo eziningi ezahlukene, kuye ngobudlelwane,” kusho. UPooja.

Ngakho-ke, ubudlelwano obuncikene, bukhuthaza ukuncika okusobala komunye nomunye kunokunceda bobabili abalingani bakhule njengabantu abanempilo abaletha amandla ayingqayizivele esibophweni sabo. Kungase futhi kubonakale njengoba omunye umlingani eba umnakekeli othile futhi omunye uzakwethu ethatha ithuba, ngaleyo ndlela kuholele ekungabini nampilo. ubuhlobo amandla dynamics.

Izimo ezinjalo zivame ukuvela uma umlingani oyedwa ehlushwa ukugula okungamahlalakhona, izinkinga zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, nanoma yisiphi esinye isimo lapho edinga khona ukunakekelwa njalo. Kodwa kunokuba balwele ukuzimela ngisho nasezintweni ezincane, baqala ukuthembela ngokuphelele kumlingani wabo. Ngokulandelayo, umlingani onakekelayo angase aqale ukuzibona njengomfel’ ukholo, adele ubuyena ukuze anakekele omunye.

Ubudlelwano obunjalo buyingozi kakhulu kubo bobabili abathintekayo. Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi, ungathatha isinyathelo emuva, uvume okwenzekayo, bese uthatha izinyathelo zokukulungisa. Ngakho-ke, ungayeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent ebuhlotsheni? Ukuthi uyahamba a ubudlelwano obuncikene noma ufuna ukuqhubeka nokusebenza ezintweni, sikuphathele.

Ungakuyeka Kanjani Ukuba I-Codependent - Ngokusho Kochwepheshe

Ungakuyeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent? Uzimbela kanjani umgodi wobudlelwano okungenzeka ukuthi umbe egameni lothando? Siqoqe amathiphu angu-9 ochwepheshe ukuze ucabangisise futhi wenze ngawo lapho uzibuza, "Ngikuyeka kanjani ukuncika?"

1. Faka imali ekuzinakekeleni/ukuzithanda

“Umonakalo omkhulu wokuqala owenziwa yi-codependence wukuzibona kwethu.” Ngakho-ke, ngenkathi silulama, kubalulekile ukuzitika ngokuzinakekela futhi ukuzithanda okuholela ekwandeni kokuzihlonipha nokuzethemba,” kusho uPooja.

Uma iningi noma yonke impilo yakho itshalwe kumlingani wakho nasenhlalakahleni yakhe, maningi amathuba okuthi ungayinaki impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokomzwelo. Indlela elula yokuzizwa sengathi awunanzuzo ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho iwukubheka esibukweni bese ubona umuntu okhathele, ohlulwa njalo.

Zinike isikhathi. Funda incwadi, thatha uhambo olude, joyina ikilasi le-aerobics, uzibhukhele ukubhucungwa okunethezeka. Hamba nabangani, noma uzikhiphe ngosuku. Zithengele ingubo entsha, faka i-lipstick oyikhonzile, futhi uziphathe kahle kuwe. Khumbula, awukwazi ukuba muhle kwabanye uma ungenzi kahle kuwe kuqala.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyisi-9 Zokuyekethisa Okungenampilo Ebudlelwaneni

Ukuyeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent kuwumbuzo onempendulo engcolile futhi ende. Uzodinga ukutshala isikhathi esiningi nomzamo kulolu hambo, okusho ukutshala amandla akho kanye nenhlalakahle yakho. Zinakekele wena kuqala, bese kuba umlingani wakho.

ngiyeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent — Ukuzithanda kuyisinyathelo esikhulu sokunciphisa ukusebenzisana

2. Thuthukisa uhlelo lwakho lokusekela ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho

"Nakuba ubudlelwano bakho nomlingani wakho bubalulekile empilweni yakho, kubalulekile ukuthi ungazihlukanisi ngenxa yalokho. Kudingeka ugcine obunye ubudlelwano bakho buphila futhi wakhe uhlelo lokusekela ongaphendukela kulo uma kunenhlekelele ebuhlotsheni bakho bothando," kuxwayisa uPooja.

Ezothando zivame ukubonakala njengesiqongo sobudlelwano kangangokuthi sivame ukungakunaki ukubaluleka kokuxhumana kukaplatonic nomndeni. Akunampilo futhi akulungile ukubeka konke okulindele ngokomzwelo kanye umthwalo wemizwa kumuntu oyedwa kunoma yikuphi. Kunokuxhumana okuningi okunothando nokunenjongo okwenziwa ngaphandle kobudlelwano bothando, okufaka isandla empilweni ecebile nehlukahlukene.

Ubudlelwano be-Codependent buvame ukusenza sibambelele futhi sincike kozakwethu. Futhi ngokungenakugwenywa, sigcina sicasukile futhi sidumala lapho bengakwazi ukufeza konke esikulindele nesifiso sethu. Ngakho-ke, into enempilo kunazo zonke esingayenza ukuba nesistimu yokwesekwa eqinile nenothando ngaphandle kobudlelwano bethu bothando.

Khumbula, ukuncika ngokuphelele kumlingani nakho kukwenza ube sengozini enkulu. Uma uhlala no-a umfazi oyisicefe noma umyeni, noma umlingani ohlukumezayo, noma uma ushiya ubudlelwano obuncikene nawe, kubalulekile ukuba nabantu ongaya kubo ukuze uthole usizo nokwesekwa.

3. Misa imingcele enempilo

"Imingcele emihle engokomzwelo iyinto okufanele ibe nayo kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo obuhle. Esimweni sokuzimela, lezi zisuke zingekho. Ngisho naphakathi kwabalingani abasondelene, kufanele kube nemingcele enempilo ukuze kungabikho muntu ozwa sengathi indawo yabo kanye nokuzazi kwabo kwephulwa omunye," kuchaza uPooja.

Imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo yenza ubudlelwano obunempilo. Futhi esinye sezibonakaliso ezinkulu zobudlelwano obuncikene ukuthi imingcele ayilufifi. UShelley uthi: “Uzakwethu wayeselulama ekulimaleni okukhulu kwezemidlalo, futhi kwathatha izinyanga eziningi.

Ungakuyeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent? Yazi imikhawulo yakho bese usungulela umlingani wakho eminye. Kuyoba khona ezinye izimo lapho udinga ukuhlala ohlangothini lwakho kocingo, futhi bona kwezabo. Lokhu akusho, nganoma iyiphi indlela, ukuntula uthando noma ukunakekela, kunalokho, kumayelana nokukhuthaza nokuzama ukukhulisa ubudlelwano obungcono obuzuzisa nina nobabili.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Okunempilo vs Okungenampilo vs Ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo – Uyini Umehluko

4. Thola izinkinga zokuthembela kwakho ngokubambisana

“Ngokuvamile, ukuthembela kubangelwa ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni noma ebuhlotsheni obudlule.Uma umuntu eziqonda lezi zimbangela, kuba lula ukungaweli emaphethini amadala nasezicupheni ezifanayo.Ngokwelashwa nokwelulekwa, lezi zinkinga zingaxazululwa ukuze zingathinti ubuhlobo bakho bamanje noma besikhathi esizayo,” kweluleka uPooja.

Ukufuna usizo kungaba futhi kufanele kube yingxenye enkulu yokululama kwakho kusukela ekuthembeleni futhi ukuhlangana kwe-trauma. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukubhekana nesikhathi sakho esedlule kanye nanoma yikuphi ukuhlukumezeka okungcwabile osekubonakala ebudlelwaneni obuzimele empilweni yakho yabantu abadala. Mhlawumbe ubone ukungajabuli emshadweni wabazali bakho, noma udlule ebuhlotsheni obubuhlungu empilweni yakho.

Ukuzihlola kubalulekile lapha, kodwa ekugcineni, ukukhuluma nochwepheshe ozolalela ngaphandle kokuchema noma ukwahlulela kuyoba usizo olukhulu. Nakuba ukuphila esikhathini esedlule akusizi, ukukungcwaba ngaphandle kokubhekana nobuhlungu bakho, intukuthelo, neminye imizwa kuzokukwenza uthonyeke kalula ebudlelwaneni obuncikene kanye nokunye ukuxhumana okungenampilo kamuva.

Umbuzo othi 'ngiyeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent' kunzima ukuwuphendula uma ungawazi umsuka wawo. Asikho isidingo sokuhlanza indawo futhi ucabange ukuthi konke kuhle. Uma uthatha isinqumo sokufuna usizo, i-Bonobology's iphaneli yabeluleki abangongoti bamane ngokuchofoza nje.

5. Hlukana nobudlelwano, uma kudingeka

Ukushiya ubudlelwano bothando akulula neze. Ukushiya ubudlelwano obuncikene kulukhuni ikakhulukazi ngoba ikhwalithi yakhona eyinhloko ukuthi ikwenze wancika ngokuphelele kumlingani wakho. Ukuhamba noma ngisho nokuthatha isinyathelo emuva ngokomzwelo kungase kusabise kulokhu, futhi ngalokho, kudingekile nakakhulu.

“Kubalulekile ukuqaphela nokuqonda ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi, naphezu kwemizamo eqotho evela kumlingani oyedwa noma bobabili, ubudlelwano abubonakali buthuthuka. ubudlelwano obunobuthi, kungcono ukuthi bonke bazihlukanise futhi bakhe ibanga eliphephile ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo,” kusho uPooja.

Ukuhlukaniswa akusho ngempela ukuhlukana, kodwa kungase kube ikhefu elifushane, elincane elingapheli. Ibanga elincane lingaletha umbono othile futhi likusize ubone ukuthi ulahlekelwe kangakanani ukuzimela kwakho nokwanelisa wena ngokwakho. Uma usuzisebenzele wena njengomuntu oyedwa futhi njengozakwethu, ungacabanga ukunikeza ubudlelwano bakho elinye ithuba.

Ukunqoba ukwesaba kwakho ukungakwazi ukuzinakekela kuyingxenye enkulu yokuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent ebuhlotsheni. Futhi khumbula, ubudlelwano obukuqeda amandla okuma uqine bungase bungabi yibo ofuna ukuba kubo, ngakho-ke ukuhlukana kobudlelwano kungaba impendulo.

6. Yiba nobugovu ukuze ungabi nabugovu

Sesike sakhuluma ngokuzithanda, kodwa lokhu kujula kancane. Ubugovu ngokuvamile akulona igama elihamba kahle nobudlelwano obunempilo. Eqinisweni, akuvamile ukuthi kuqondwe njengokuncoma noma isibaluli esihle kunoma iyiphi ingxenye yempilo. Kodwa uma umbuzo ochazayo wempilo yakho uthi “Ngiyeka kanjani ukuncika?”, yisikhathi sokucabanga ngalokho okukulungele.

Manje, bobabili abathintekayo bangakwazi ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni, kodwa ekugcineni, noma ubani ongenabugovu kancane uba umnakekeli, kanti omunye umlingani ngokuvamile uyena ofuna ukunakekelwa nokunakwa njalo.

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Khumbula, ukuzidela ngokuphelele kwenza umlingani wakho abe nokuthambekela kokuzilimaza. Ngakho-ke, yiba nobugovu kancane. Qala ukuthi 'cha' kubo ngezinye izikhathi. Zijwayeze ukukhuluma kahle nawe ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho uqala ukuzizwa unecala ngokuthi awenzi okwanele. Cabanga ngawe njengomuntu ohlukene nobudlelwane bakho, njengomuntu ophelele, kunengxenye eyodwa yobudlelwano.

Lokhu kuzovusa yonke inhlobo yemizwa ngaphakathi kuwe nakumlingani wakho, ongase azizwe enganakiwe futhi esaba ukulahlekelwa nguwe. Njengozakwethu onakekelayo, uzoba nomuzwa wecala omkhulu futhi ungakhululeki ngokunganikeli impilo yakho yonke ekunakekelweni umlingani wakho. Yileso isizathu esengeziwe sokuhlehla futhi ube nobugovu kancane.

7. Zijwayeze ukuxhumana okucacile

Izinkinga zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni azivamile neze, futhi ukuzixazulula kubalulekile ukuze kugcinwe uthando nenhlonipho phakathi kwabalingani ababili. Kodwa uma usebudlelwaneni obuncikene futhi uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuncika, ukusukuma nokukhuluma kuba semqoka.

Khumbula, ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni akukhona nje ukuvele uveze imizwa yakho ngesikhathi oyizwa ngaso. Yizwa imizwa yakho ngazo zonke izindlela, kodwa kungase kube umqondo omuhle ukuthola ukuthi uzothini, mhlawumbe uze ukubhale phansi. Uma usebudlelwaneni obuncikene, ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakho kusho ukususa ukugxila kumlingani wakho bese ugxila kuwena.

Lokhu kungase kwesabe ngoba ukujwayele kakhulu ukuba umnakekeli, lowo obamba imizwa yomlingani wakho endaweni esobala ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ungase wesabe ukuphathwa buthule komlingani wakho, intukuthelo, ukucasuka, noma ezinye izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo uma uqala ukuxhumana.

Qala ngezinyathelo ezincane. Chaza isikhathi lapho wena nozakwenu nobabili nikhululekile futhi nikwazi ukukhuluma ngaphandle kweziphazamiso. Ungathuki noma unyakanyiswe yizinkulumo zabo futhi ubacele ukuthi bangakuphazamisi. Chaza izidingo zakho, futhi usho lokho okungafezwanga, ngobumnene kodwa ngokuqinile. Ungazami ukugxeka, kodwa ungawavumeli nawo akuthukuthelise. Yima uqine wena.

8. Cacisa okulindele ebudlelwaneni bakho

Futhi, lokhu kungase kubonakale kuyinto esobala ukuyenza kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Kepha sikhuluma ngobudlelwano obuncikene lapha nokuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuncika, ngakho-ke izinto ezibonakala zilula futhi ezisobala zidinga ukunakwa okukhethekile lapha.

Bekuyini okwakho okulindelwe ubudlelwano ngaphambi kokuthi i-dynamic yakho ibe yi-codependence? Ubufunani othandweni? Ubulindele kanjani ububele, ukunakekelwa, nothando kumlingani wakho, futhi zazibukeka kanjani ebudlelwaneni obunabo ngaphambilini?

“Bengilokhu ngingumphathi wezinhlekelele, lowo oma aqine esivunguvungwini futhi anakekele abanye abantu,” kusho uPhoebe. “Ngicabanga ukuthi ngangena kubo bonke ubudlelwano bami bezothando, ngokunganaki ngicabanga ukuthi indima yami izohlala ifana. Kwathatha isikhathi eside ukuqaphela ukuthi nami, ngangifuna ukunakekelwa, ukuba othile angimelele ngokuqinile, esikhundleni sokuba ngikwenze ngingedwa.”

Kungumqondo omuhle ukuba nalezi izingxoxo ngaphambi komshado noma ngaphambi kokuba ungene ubudlelwano obungathi sina, kodwa imizwa yabantu ayivamisile ukusikwa futhi yome. Sijule ebudlelwaneni ngaphambi kokuthi sibubize kanjalo, futhi sincikene ngaphambi kokuthi sazi. Kodwa uma usubona ukuthi kukhona okungalungile, kubalulekile ukucacisela wena kanye nophathina wakho ukuthi yini oyidingayo.

9. Khuthaza ukwanelisa umlingani wakho kanye nawe

Kuyo yonke inkulumo ethi 'ababili babe munye' kanye 'nemizimba emibili, umphefumulo munye', ubuhlobo obunempilo buhlanganisa abantu ngabanye kukho konke ukuhluka kwabo okujulile, ukuhluka kwabantu. Ukuzibungaza kanye nobuntu bakho mhlawumbe into engcono kakhulu ongazenzela yona kanye nobambiswano lwakho, ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni obuncikene.

Isici esibalulekile ekuthembekeni ukuthi ozakwethu bangena shí endimeni yomnakekeli nomnakekeli, okungukuthi oqhubeka epha kanye nalowo oqhubeka ethatha. Omunye ugxile ngokuphelele endimeni yakhe njengomfel’ ukholo, kuyilapho omunye ethembele ngokuphelele emandleni omlingani wakhe nasekunikezeni imvelo. Akekho ongakwazi ukuhlukana nomunye noma ebudlelwaneni.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Angizizwa Ngithandwa: Izizathu nokuthi Ngenzenjani Ngazo

Yilapho okumele uhlehle khona futhi uphinde uthole uhlobo oluthile lokuzanelisa. Zama ukwenza umlingani wakho azibophezele futhi aziphendulele yena kanye nezenzo zakhe. Benze bazenzele izinto - izinto owaziyo ukuthi bangakwazi ukuzenza bebodwa - kunokuba bagijimele bona.

Kungaba into encane njengokubenza bazenzele ukudla, noma ukusiza ngomsebenzi wasekhaya. Noma kungase kube umsebenzi omkhulu, othinta inhliziyo kakhulu wokuxolisa lapho benza iphutha, kunokuba uthukuthele. Lokhu kubenza babone ukuthi bayakwazi ukuzinakekela futhi kubakhumbuza ukuthi ungaphezu nje komnakekeli wabo.

Ukushiya ubudlelwano obuncikene akukaze kube yinto elula, futhi ukuhlala koyedwa akulula neze. Ubudlelwano obuncikene akusho ukuthi kukhona ukuntula uthando noma imizwa emihle phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Futhi akusho ukuthi yakho ubudlelwano obungenampilo ayikwazi ukukhandwa nhlobo noma ngeke ihlale isikhathi eside.

Kodwa kubalulekile ukuvuma ukuthembela ebuhlotsheni kanye nomonakalo ongawenza kubo. Ubudlelwano bungase bungaqali njenge-codependent, kodwa bungangena ngisho nasezibophweni ezinempilo futhi bubangele imifantu edinga ukuphulukiswa kusuka empandeni, kunokuba ibhalwe phansi.

Nokho, akubona bonke ubudlelwano obuncikene obungaphulukiswa. Lapho sekuba ubudlelwano obunobuthi lapho umlingani wakho ekuhlazisa khona ngokungabi khona ngokwanele kubo, futhi awukwazi ukuzimela, yisikhathi sokuyeka. Khumbula, abukho ubuhlobo obufanele ukuthula kwakho kwengqondo.

Uma ukuphulukiswa kungenzeka, kuzoba nomsebenzi omningi kini nobabili. Ukuvuma lokhu kugula ebuhlotsheni bakho, ukufuna usizo, ukuvulela isithandwa sakho isifuba - konke lokhu kuzoba nzima. Cacisa emqondweni wakho mayelana nokuthi ubudlelwano bakho bufanele ukusetshenzwa futhi bugcinwe, bese ukhetha indlela yakho ngokufanele. Ngikufisela inhlanhla.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ungakuyeka kanjani ukuzimela nge-narcissist?

Ukuze uyeke ukuba yi-codependent ne-narcissist, udinga ukuqina, ubeke imingcele ecacile, futhi uxhumane ngamandla nokucaca. Bazise ukuthi unempilo yakho yomuntu ngamunye okufanele uyiphile futhi uyikhulise, nokuthi awuchazwa kuphela njengomlingani nomnakekeli wabo.

2. Kungani siba abazimele?

I-Codependence ingasukela ekuhlukumezekeni kwasebuntwaneni noma ebudlelwaneni obudlule obusizwise ubuhlungu noma obabusemzimbeni noma obabunjalo ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo ngokomzwelo . Uma sihlala sifunda ukuthi ukugoba emuva kothandekayo ngezindleko zokuthula kwethu kwengqondo kuyindlela yokuba nobudlelwano obuphumelelayo, maningi amathuba okuthi sizobe sincikene ebudlelwaneni bethu bezothando.

Izindlela Eziyi-9 Zokuzimela Ebudlelwaneni Bothando

Izindlela Ezinhle Ezingu-13 Zokuzishela

Ukuthola Umuntu Okhethekile Ngemva Komshado Ebunganeni

Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.