10 Okufanele Ulandele Imingcele Yobudlelwane Obunempilo

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Imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo ayilona uphawu oluthusayo. Ukukhuluma ngokubeka imingcele ebuhlotsheni bakho akusho ukuthi uyazihlukanisa nomlingani wakho, ngisho noma ukukhulunywa ngakho okokuqala kuvusa umoya othukuthele.

Uma usesigabeni se-honeymoon, ukubeka imingcele ebudlelwaneni ngokuqinisekile kuyoyiphulela ingqondo yakho. Uma wena nomlingani wakho nikhululekile ngakho konke (futhi ngisho konke), akufanele ukhathazeke ngokuthi ingxoxo ilimaza imizwa yomunye nomunye.

Ngisho noma uthando luhloselwe ukunisondeza, ukubeka imingcele kusho ukuqinisekisa ukuthi nobabili anigcini nixhomeke komunye nomunye. Ake singene kukho futhi sixoxe ngakho konke okudingeka ukwazi, ngosizo lwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uNandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ogxile kwi-CBT, REBT kanye nokwelulekwa kwemibhangqwana.

Ngakho-ke, Kungani Sidinga Imingcele Yobudlelwane Obunempilo?

Okuqukethwe

Imingcele yobudlelwano obuhle ayivami ukuxoxwa ngayo futhi akuyona nje into ocabanga ukuthi ilungile nokuthi yini engalungile. Nakuba kungase kubonakale sengathi ingxoxo enzima kakhulu ukuyixoxa, uNandita uthi “Isikhathi esiningi, imingcele ibekwa ngokuzenzakalelayo njengoba ubuhlobo buqhubeka.”

Ingabe udidekile ngokubeka imingcele ebuhlotsheni bothando? Ake sehlele ezintweni eziyisisekelo. Uma ungumuntu ongachami ngaphansi kwanoma yiziphi izimo, umnyango uvuleke phambi kophathina wakho, lokhu kuzoba ubumnandi kuwe.

Imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo ikuvumela ukuthi ukhulume lokho okufunayo nokudingayo ebuhlotsheni. Cha, ukuchama kwe-voyeuristic akubalwa. Ngokuxoxa nozakwenu mayelana nokuthi yini elungile nengalungile, uzobe wenza isiqiniseko sokuthi unciphisa amaphutha okuxhumana.

“Imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo nezinto ezilindelwe zibalulekile,” kusho uNandita. “Ngezinye izikhathi, kufanele sibe nengxoxo futhi sikhulume ngezidingo zethu ukuze sibeke imithetho ethile eyisisekelo ebuhlotsheni. Lokhu kubalulekile njengoba ungafuni ukulahlekelwa ubuwena njengomuntu, kodwa ulondoloze ubuhlobo obuhle,” uyanezela.

Imingcele inikeza umuzwa wokulawula empilweni yakho futhi ikuvumele ube yilokho oyikho, ngaphandle kokufaka ubudlelwano engozini. Uma unomlingani oqondayo, kuzoba lula ukubeka imingcele enempilo. Uma sicabanga ukuthi nobabili anifuni ukuchazwa njengamalungu omunye komunye, kubalulekile ukugcina ubuntu benu.

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Ngenkathi sisebudlelwaneni, singase sithambekele ekwenzeni izinqumo zokuphila ukuze kuzuze abaguquguqukayo. Njengoba ubusisekile njengoba ungase uzizwe ukuba nozakwethu ongeke ashintshele kwelinye idolobha ukuze athole ithuba elimangalisayo lomsebenzi ukuze akwazi ukuqhubeka nokuhlala nawe, ukukhetha okunjalo kungase kube nemiphumela kamuva.

Ungase uzizwe unecala kancane, kuyilapho umlingani wakho engase asebenzise umhlatshelo wakhe njengezaba zokukuhlambalaza esikhathini esizayo. Angase akugxeke ngisho nangaleso sipho uma unikezwa ithuba lokukhushulwa esikhundleni bese uthuthela kwelinye idolobha.

Iyini Imingcele Enempilo Ebudlelwaneni?

Ukubeka imingcele enempilo ebudlelwaneni kusho ukuthi ungenza izinqumo ezizuzisa wena nezinqumo ezisho inqubekela phambili kuwe. Ngaphandle kokuzizwa sengathi uyazicabangela wena, uzokwazi ukudlulisela kowakwakho ukuthi hlobo luni lwendawo oyidingayo ukuze ujabule.

Isibonelo, ayikho imithetho eqinile nesheshayo uma kuziwa ekutheni ungayiphatha kangakanani ifoni yomlingani wakho. Ungayithatha uma uyibona ikhala ngenkathi besendlini yokuwasha, kodwa ukudlula ocingweni ukuze uhlole imilayezo kungase kungabi into engcono kakhulu ongayenza.

Kwesinye isikhathi, ozakwethu abaqondi ukuthi ukwabelana kunemingcele nakho. Awukwazi ukuphuma futhi wabelane ngamaphasiwedi nezixubho. Lapho umuntu oyedwa eqala ukuzizwa ecindezelwe futhi engahlonishwa ngenxa yokungena njalo, yilapho imingcele enempilo ingena khona.

“Izidingo zomuntu ngamunye zihlukile, yingakho imingcele izohluka kubo bonke ubudlelwano,” kusho uNandita. "Kungaxoxwa ngezihloko ezibalulekile okungavunyelwe nhlobo ukuba nazo. Izihloko ezinjalo zingabandakanya umndeni, umsebenzi, ukulondoloza ubungane, ulimi olungcolile, i-PDA, njll.

"Okubaluleke kakhulu, nokho, ukuxhumana ngokukhululekile kanye nesidingo esiqotho sokuqonda nokuhlonipha isidingo somlingani somngcele othile. Lokhu kuzoba enye yezinsika zezibalo eziqinile, ezijabulisayo nezinempilo," uyanezela.

Ukubeka imingcele ebudlelwaneni bothando kuyinto ebalulekile futhi lokho kungagcina abalingani abalawulayo belawulwa. Kunezinhlobo ezahlukene zemingcele ebudlelwaneni, futhi okusebenza komunye umbhangqwana ngeke kusebenze komunye. Ebaluleke kakhulu yimingcele engokomzimba nengokomzwelo, kodwa ungabeka nemingcele enempilo yobudlelwano nabasekhweni, abangane, nezihlobo.

Manje, wonke umuntu uhlukile. Imingcele izohluka kumuntu nomuntu. Ake sibheke eminye imingcele evamile enempilo okufanele siyibeke ebuhlotsheni.

Imingcele Eyi-10 Yobudlelwane Obunempilo Yokuqinisa Isibopho Sakho

Imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo izogcina iqinisa isibopho sakho

Ukubeka imingcele yobudlelwano kungase kungabonakali kuwumsebenzi obalulekile ngoba umuntu unomuzwa wokuthi umlingani uyakwazi abakuthandayo nangakuthandi. Ukuhlola iqiniso: Lokhu kuwukucabangela nje.

Ukuze uvumele ubudlelwano bakho buqhakaze, uzodinga ukubeka imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo ngokucacile. Uma ucabangela indlela eninethezeke ngayo nobabili, kunjalo. Udinga ukucaca ngalokho okufunayo nokuthi ufuna izinto zibe kanjani futhi ungagxili ekulungiseni lapha. Ngaleyo ndlela, usuvele uqale ubuhlobo ngokuvumelana.

1. Uzosondelana kangakanani ngokwedijithali

Ingabe ungumuntu othanda i-Instagram PDA ? Ingabe umlingani wakho ukubuza izaziso lapho ekuthegile wena nabanye abangu-49 kokuthunyelwe mayelana nobuhlobo benu? Mhlawumbe nguwe othanda ukwabelana njalo ngama-selfie amahle omlingani wakho kodwa umlingani wakho kungenzeka ukuthi akanjalo.

Ngaphambi kokuvula ubudlelwano bakho bomhlaba obonakalayo, beka imingcele uma nobabili nilungile ngakho. Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho akafuni ukudayisa ubudlelwano kubantu abaningi.

Noma awufuni izihlobo zakho noma ozakwenu bakuthethise ngempilo yakho yothando, uma nje unezihlobo ezinomsindo noma osebenza nabo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi siyini isizathu, udinga ukucaca ngemingcele. Khuluma ngezinto ongakwazi futhi ongakwazi ukwabelana ngazo ku-inthanethi mayelana nomunye nomunye. Uyazi ukuthi bathini, uma isiku-inthanethi, ihlale iku-inthanethi.

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2. Ukukhulumisana kubalulekile, kodwa kangaki?

Ukukhula nomsebenzi wesikhathi esigcwele nobudlelwano kungase kudle isikhathi. Mhlawumbe uthanda ukuxhumana njalo usuku lonke, mhlawumbe "Ukucabanga ngawe" okulula nge-emoji kufanelana nesikweletu sakho. Noma mhlawumbe uyawuthanda umsebenzi wakho futhi awufuni imibhalo ephazamisayo ngenkathi usebenza. Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho uwuhlobo lokukushayela ucingo ngesikhathi sesidlo sasemini ngoba efuna ukulalela izwi lakho.

Ukwazi ukuthi yini futhi kungakanani ukuxhumana kufanele kube omunye wemingcele imibhangqwana okufanele iphoqelelwe. Ingabe ufuna umlingani wakho ahlole ngobusuku bentombazane yakho? Noma ufona izikhathi eziningi lapho ephumile edolobheni engqungqutheleni yezamabhizinisi?

U-Nandita ukhuluma ngokuthi ukukhawulela ukuxhumana kungaba yisibonelo esihle semingcele okufanele uyibeke ebuhlotsheni. "Lapho ukukhulumisana okuningi phakathi kozakwethu kuphelelwa umoya, kufanele kukhulunywe ngokucacile nangokunembile. Ukuvumela isikhathi uwedwa noma isikhathi sami kusiza ukuqinisa isibopho futhi kwakha nokwethembana ngokuhamba kwesikhathi."

Lona omunye wemingcele enempilo okudingeka uyibeke ngoba akekho othanda i-nag. Ukukhetha ukuziba ukusetha imingcele kungase kube ifulegi elibomvu lobudlelwano.

3. Amagama eningabizana ngawo

Ingabe i-cutie-patootie ikwenza ukhale kakhulu? Ningabizana yini baby phambi kwabangani benu? Noma ningathanda ukuthi umlingani wakho anamathele egameni lenu langempela? Xoxani futhi ninqume amagama enivunyelwe ukubizana ngawo.

Iningi lemibhangqwana linikezana amagama eziteketiso akhangayo bese ligcina lenza izinto eziningi eziwubuwula ezizizwa sengathi ziyathandeka. Kodwa uma ugcina ucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho uyabathanda njengoba nawe umthanda, ungase uzibizele inkathazo. Awukwazi ngempela ukubiza umlingani wakho ngegama lakho lesiteketiso phambi kozakwabo, akunjalo?

Uma ucabanga ngemingcele yobudlelwano obuhle ongaba nayo, iziteketiso zingase zingabi phezulu ohlwini lwakho. Kodwa uma ugcina uphoxa umlingani wakho phambi kwabangane/umndeni wakhe, uzofisa sengathi ngabe le ngxoxo kudala. Ngakho-ke, gcina amagama akho athandekayo ngaphakathi kwekamelo lokulala noma uwasebenzise kudrayivu ende yothando, kodwa ngokuqinisekile hhayi ngale kwalokho.

4. Khuluma ngomndeni

Uma wena nophathina wakho nindawonye isikhathi eside, kungenzeka ukuthi uyazi ngezinkinga zomndeni eningaba nazo. Uma okwakho kuwuthando olusafufusa, nokho, imingcele emisha yobudlelwano njengokungaxoxi ngomndeni isikhathi eside ingase ibe umbono omuhle.

Kuyimpilo ukubeka umngcele mayelana nendlela enikhuluma ngayo ngomndeni womunye nomunye. Ingabe ukubiza unina ngokuthi “umhlakaniphi wokwahlulela” kuwukweqisa? Noma ingabe ukuxhumana kakhulu nomunye wabazala bakhe akumjabulisi? Yenza kucace kumuntu wakho ukuthi yini oyithandayo nengathandi ukuze angavele abhoke uma sekudlulele.

Udinga ukwazi ukuthi ulungile kude kangakanani nomlingani wakho ekukhulumisaneni nomndeni wakho. Noma ebabiza ngamagama, ngaleyo ndaba. Uma ungekho ebhodini nophathina wakho ukhuluma nhlobo ngomndeni wakho, kungaba yinto enhle ukubeka umngcele ngalokho, njengoba umndeni ungaba isihloko esithinta inhliziyo.

5. Hlobo luni lokuzinikela olufunayo?

Ingabe usathengela uzakwethu ophelele ngefasitela? Lolu hlobo lomngcele kufanele lubekwe, ikakhulukazi uma nobabili ningenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi ngabe nguwena yini, noma uma nisanda kuqala ukuthandana. Uma usheshe ubuchaza ubudlelwano, kuzoba ngcono kuwena.

Isibonelo, uma uchaze ukuguquguquka kwakho njengokujwayelekile, ubungeke ulindele ngempela ukuthi umlingani wakho akushayele ihora ngalinye losuku, akunjalo? Futhi uma benza, ungase uqale ukuzwa isidingo sokumisa imingcele embalwa. Izinhlobo zemingcele ebudlelwaneni azijikelezi kuphela ku-dynamics ye-monogamous dynamic.

Uyafuna ubudlelwano bomuntu oyedwa? Ingabe umlingani wakho ulungile ngobudlelwano obuvulekile? Ingabe ungaba sebudlelwaneni bothando oluningi ? Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufuna uhlobo luni lokuzibophezela, cacisa ngakho ekuqaleni.

6. Imingcele nama-ex

Awupholi yini uma ufonelwa yi ex yomlingani wakho phakathi kwamabili? Baxhumana kangaki? Uma basengabangane abakhulu, ingabe kulungile ngabo ukuba bayodla isidlo sasemini ngezikhathi ezithile?

"Imingcele nama-ex ihlale iyinto ekhohlisayo. Kuhle, ukungaxhumani nomuntu oshade naye kuyinto enhle, kodwa akwenzeki izikhathi eziningi. Njengomthetho, lapho uqala ukuzizwa ungavikelekile mayelana nokuthi umlingani wakho uxhumene kangakanani no-ex, yinkinga okufanele kuxoxwe ngayo," kusho uNandita.

Ukubeka imingcele ecacile nomuntu wakudala kwenza ubuhlobo benu bushelelezi, kungashiyi isikhala sokungazethembi noma umona. Ngokufanayo, uma ufuna ukuqhubeka nokuxhumana nomuntu oshade naye, kufanele ubeke imingcele ecacile ngalokho.

7. Sexy izikhathi imingcele

Ingabe uzimisele ukwenza into engavamile ethandwa umlingani wakho embhedeni? Ukuqala kobudlelwane kungase kushise futhi kushube. Kodwa ukubeka imingcele ecacile yezocansi kuqinisekisa ukuthi awubambeki ngokwenza okuthile embhedeni ongafuni ukukwenza.

Kuzokusindisa esikhathini esizayo ekwenzeni izenzo zocansi kumlingani wakho ezikwenza ungakhululeki noma zikushiye uzizwe uhlukumezekile. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo zemingcele engase ibe khona ebudlelwaneni, leyo elawula ukuthi yini elungile embhedeni nokuthi yini engekho ingase ibe ebaluleke kakhulu.

Bangase bagcine sebengumehluko phakathi kocansi olunempilo, ukuvumelana nento ekwenza uzizwe ungahlonishwa futhi uhlukunyeziwe. Kodwa uma nobabili nilungile ngaphandle kwemingcele, lokho kulungile futhi. Xhumana nje ngezinto ozimisele ngazo futhi ongazimisele ukuzenza.

8. Ukwabelana kuwukunakekela…kodwa kungaphakathi kwemingcele

Mhlawumbe awufuni ukwabelana ngemininingwane yakho yasebhange nozakwenu. Akukho mayelana nokuthi ungabethembi (noma mhlawumbe kunjalo), kodwa umuzwa wokuphepha onawo uma ugcina amagama akho ayimfihlo nezikhonkwane kuwe.

Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho ufuna ukuvula i-akhawunti ehlanganyelwe futhi awukhululekile ukwabelana ngezimali okwamanje. Ukubeka imingcele eqinile yezezimali kubalulekile futhi kufanele kukhulunywe ngakho ngokucophelela ukuze kugwenywe ukungathembeki kwezezimali . Kuyafana nokwabelana ngezingubo noma izimpahla zakho. Uma umlingani wakho engakuthandi ukuthi usebenzise i-trimmer yakhe, akufanele uyisebenzise.

9. Imingcele yesikhathi uwedwa

Wonke umuntu, futhi ngisho wonke umuntu, ufanelwe isikhathi sokuba yedwa. Umlingani wakho angase angathandi ukuchitha ihora ngalinye lansuku zonke nawe futhi lokho kunempilo impela.

Ngisho noma uluhlobo olunamathelayo olungenandaba nokuchitha njalo ihora uvuka nomlingani wakho, khumbula, isikhala sibalulekile kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo. Ngakho-ke, uma efuna ukuchitha uLwesine kusihlwa edlala i-Mortal Kombat nabangani bakhe, futhi ubonakale nge-bikini yakho e-sexy nobhiya, wephula ngokungafanele isikhathi sakhe eyedwa.

Nakuba ungase udlale ngokuthi muhle futhi ufuna ukuchitha isikhathi nomlingani wakho, bangase bangakuthathi kalula. Khuluma nomlingani wakho mayelana nesakho kanye nesidingo sakhe sesikhathi uwedwa futhi uqaphele ukuthi isikhathi esichithwa nihlukene sinempilo ngokwemvelo ebudlelwaneni.

10. Lwela imingcele

Beka imingcele mayelana nokuthi uzolwa kanjani. Awuthandi ukulwa phambi kwabantu? Ukuxazulula ukungezwani ngokuklabalasa nokuhlephula izinto kudala izindawo ezingenampilo engqondweni yakho? Indlela okhetha ukuxazulula ngayo izinkinga iwumngcele obalulekile ongawubeka ebudlelwaneni.

Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho wakhulela phakathi kokuthethisana nokuxabana njalo okuvela kubazali bakhe futhi ukhetha ukuhlala phansi akhulume kunokuba akhale futhi amemeze. Mhlawumbe ungumuntu okhetha ukukhuluma ngezinkinga ezinsukwini ezimbalwa kamuva ngoba udinga isikhathi sokuthula. Beka imingcele ecacile mayelana nendlela ofuna ukuxazulula ngayo izinkinga ebudlelwaneni. Futhi khumbula, kunezindlela zokulwa ngenhlonipho . Kuzodingeka futhi ubeke imingcele mayelana nendlela eningakhuluma ngayo nomunye nomunye uma nicindezelekile.

Akulula futhi ukubeka imingcele yobudlelwano obuhle futhi akulula ukuyilandela. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umngcele ubonakala ungelutho kangakanani kuwe, udinga ukuhlonishwa futhi KUBALULEKILE ngazo zonke izindlela. Lokhu kungase kubonakale kunzima ekuqaleni, kodwa maduze wena nomlingani wakho nizothola ikhono futhi ubuhlobo benu buzoqina ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Uma okwamanje ubhekene nobunzima bokusungula imingcele yobudlelwano obuhle kanye nokulindela, iBonobology inabeluleki abaningi bobudlelwano abanolwazi abangathanda ukukusiza ezinkingeni obhekene nazo ebudlelwaneni bakho.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.