Impi Yokuqala Ebudlelwaneni - Okufanele Ukulindele

Impi yokuqala ebudlelwaneni ivamise ukwenzeka lapho isikhathi se-honeymoon siqala ukuphela. Nobabili wena nomlingani wakho nixhumene ngokomzwelo manje futhi le mpi iletha ubuhlungu nobuhlungu obuningi. Kungokokuqala ukuthi ibhamuza laleso sithombe esiphelele sobudlelwano obunabo engqondweni siqala ukuqothuka emaphethelweni.

Izingxabano zokuqala phakathi kwabalingani ababili zihlala zinenselelo engokomzwelo, ikakhulukazi ngoba ubudlelwano busebusha futhi usasebenzela ukwakha isisekelo esiqinile. Uma sekushiwo lokho, kufanele sivume ukuthi nakuba izingxabano zinempilo ebudlelwaneni, ukubhekana nezinkinga eziningi ekuqaleni kobudlelwane kungase kungabi uphawu oluthembisayo.

Ukungezwani kufanele kungene ngokuhamba kwesikhathi njengoba nithola ukukhululeka omunye nomunye. Ngakho-ke uma uzibuza ukuthi, "Izithandani ziba nempi yazo yokuqala nini?", Yazi ukuthi kunento efana nokulwa ngokushesha. Uma kwenzeka ngaphambi kosuku lwesi-5, kungase kuthuse kancane, kodwa ukulwa kuwuhlobo olungenakugwemeka uma nithandana cishe izinyanga ezintathu. Ukukusiza ukuthi uqonde kangcono umphumela wezingxabano zokuqala nokuthi ungawuzulazula kanjani ngobuchule, ake sibheke ubunkimbinkimbi bokungqubuzana nokuxazululwa kwakho.

Kungakanani ukulwa kakhulu ebudlelwaneni?

Uma usuyekile ukubona umlingani wakho ngezibuko ezinemibala e-rose, amafulegi abomvu asobala kuzo agqama kakhulu. Lezi kungaba izinyanga ezinzima kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. UMegan, umfundi wethu ovela eLong Island, ukhuluma ngesigaba esibi empilweni yakhe, “Wahlukana nami ngemva kwempi yethu yokuqala. Ngangazi ukuthi ukungaboni ngaso linye kwangaphambi kwesikhathi ebudlelwaneni akukwazi ukuba uphawu oluhle kodwa ngangilokhu ngikushaya indiva. Ukungezwani okuningi okuncane phakathi kwethu kwaqhubeka kunqwabelana futhi kungazelelwe kwaphuma esilinganisweni, kwaholela ekulweni okukhulu, okwaba ngeyethu yokugcina.”

Nakuba sonke sifuna izingxabano ezakhayo ezinempilo, uma imibhangqwana inezinkinga kusukela ekuqaleni, kungase kube uphawu lokuthi abahambisani nomunye nomunye. Kunokuba ukhathazeke ngokuthi ulwa kaningi kangakanani, kufanele ugxile endleleni owenza ngayo lapho uxabana nomlingani wakho. Ingabe kubonakala sengathi nichitha omunye nomunye futhi niphendukela ekuhlaselweni ngamazwi anonya noma nikusingatha ngendlela enengqondo njengabantu abadala ababili abavuthiwe futhi nizama ukuthola isisombululo?

Ucwaningo ibonisa ukuthi umbhangqwana ngamunye ulwa kakhulu noma kancane ezindabeni ezifanayo, njengezingane, imali, abasekhweni, nokusondelana. Kodwa okuhlukanisa imibhangqwana ejabulayo kwabangajabulile ukuthi eyokuqala ijwayele ukuthatha indlela egxile kwisixazululo ukuxazulula izingxabano. Uma sekushiwo, uma ulwa kanye noma kabili ngenyanga, asikho isidingo sokukhathazeka. Kodwa uma kwenzeka ulwa nsuku zonke, mhlawumbe kufanele ucabange kabusha ubuhlobo futhi ube nengxoxo ephumelelayo nomlingani wakho mayelana nesimo sakho.

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Bushintsha Kanjani Ubudlelwano Ngemva Kwempi Yokuqala?

Akusoze kwaba wonke ama roses kanye uthingo ebudlelwaneni. Umbhangqwana uzogcina ungavumelani ngokuthile noma okunye futhi nakanjani kuzoholela kuleyo ngxabano yokuqala ebuhlotsheni okungenzeka ukuthi ubungakalungiselelwanga. Ungazama ukucabanga ngakho ngale ndlela - amathe alesi sithandwa anquma ukuthi isisekelo sakho siqine kangakanani. Udidekile? Sivumele ukuthi sikhanyise.

Uma usuxabene nesithandwa sakho okokuqala ngqa, bangase bakunikeze ibhokisi likashokoledi ukuze uphole bese ukhohlwa ukuthi ubukade ulwelani kwasekuqaleni. Noma ningase ningene empini emakhaza, nikhandana ngamatshe izinsuku eziningi. Konke kumayelana nendlela enikhetha ngayo ukulungisana. Ukusinda kule mpikiswano kumayelana nezinto eziza kuqala, ukuvumelana, kanye nesifundo sakho sokuqala ukuxolelana ebudlelwaneni.

Ukulwa ekuqaleni kobudlelwano benu kungenza isibopho senu siqine nakakhulu nakuba ukuxabana kakhulu ngenkathi nithandana kungase kungabi mnandi kakhulu. Ungase empeleni ube onqenqemeni lwesihlalo sakho, uzibuza ukuthi ngabe lobu budlelwano buzoqhubekela phambili, futhi awukwazi ukukuqeda ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa umlingani wakho unomphela.

Kodwa ukulwa kwakho kokuqala nentombi/isoka lakho akukhombisi ukuntula uthando komunye nomunye. Kuyithuba lokukhuluma nabo ukuze nilungise izinto futhi nifinyelele esixazululweni esinisebenzela nobabili. Okubalulekile wukubeka phambili ubudlelwano bakho ngenkathi uxazulula ingxabano futhi uqonde kahle izidingo zomlingani wakho. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ubulili be-makeup ngemva kokulwa kokuqala ebuhlotsheni buqinisekisiwe ukuthi buzophazamisa ingqondo.

Zonda ukulwa, hhayi umuntu. Xazulula izingxabano ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Yize konke lokhu kuyiseluleko esihle, kubalulekile ukusho ukuthi le mpi yamagama eyingqophamlando iyawashintsha kancane amandla obudlelwano, ikakhulukazi uma unokungaboni ngaso linye kusenesikhathi kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Ake sithole ukuthi kanjani:

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1. Ufunda ukuyekethisa

Impi yokuqala enkulu ebudlelwaneni bakho ikufundisa okuningi kunalokho obukucabanga. Kuze kube isikhathi sehoneymoon sesiphelile, ujabulela ubudlelwano obuhle bezothando. Ukujaha kwe-adrenaline nazo zonke lezo zimvemvane ezisesiswini sakho azikuvumeli ukuthi ucabange ngezinto ezingase zingahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni.

Eningacabanga ngakho nje indlela enisothandweni ngayo nobabili. Kodwa lapho ekugcineni leyo mpi iqhuma, nifunda ukucabanga ngemizwa yomunye nomunye futhi nithole ukwazi ukuthi umlingani wakho usabela kanjani ezimweni ezinzima. Kukubonisa uhlangothi olusha kubo futhi mhlawumbe uthola uhlangothi olusha kuwe.

Ufunda ukubeka izidingo zomlingani wakho ngaphezu kwezakho. Ngokokuqala ngqa, kukushaya ukuthi enye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu zobudlelwano obujabulisayo yikhono lokuyekethisa. Kodwa kunezinto ongayekethisa kuzo futhi uqinisekise izinto okungafanele neze uziyekethise kuqhubeke, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi unezimpi ezingaki. Uthola ukuqonda kangcono lezi endleleni futhi.

2. Uyakunqoba ukwesaba kwakho

Uma usebudlelwaneni obusha, kuhlale kunokwesaba ikusasa. Ikhanda lakho ligcwele ukungaqiniseki mayelana nokuthi umlingani wakho uzokwamukela yini okubi kakhulu noma ukuthi uzokwazi ukubhekana nakho uma nobabili niqala ukulwa. Empeleni, ukhathazeka ngokuthi uzosinda kanjani empini yokuqala nesoka/intombi yakho.

Ulokhu uzibuza ukuthi ngabe uthandana nomuntu ofanele yini. Ukuhambisana ebudlelwaneni kuyisici esikhulu. Lapho ukungqubuzana kwenu kokuqala kwenzeka, ubona ukuthi umlingani wakho usisingatha kanjani isimo, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, ukuphatha nawe. Konke ukwesaba kwakho kungaqala kancane ukushabalala noma uthole isitembu sokuqinisekisa.

Ekhuluma ngezimpi zakuqala aba nazo nesoka lakhe, uLorraine, owayesanda kuthola iziqu ekolishi, wasitshela, “Izinyanga eziyisithupha sishadile futhi kungekho zingxabano, ngacabanga ukuthi senza kahle kakhulu. Kodwa ngemva kwempi yethu yokuqala enkulu, ngabona ukuthi kwakusekuningi okwakudingeka sikufunde ngomunye nomunye.

3. Nifunda ukuhlonipha imingcele yomunye nomunye

Ebudlelwaneni obusha, nobabili nisaqhubeka nokwazana. Ezikhathini eziningi, ungase weqe umugqa bese ukhohlwa imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo okufanele ukugcine. Ongase ucabange ukuthi ihlaya kungenzeka ukuthi kwakuwukuthuka umlingani wakho, wafinyelela esimweni esithi “Hhayi bo! Silwe okokuqala” ngokushesha okukhulu.

Uma uphathe kabi noma ucasule umlingani wakho ungahlosile, ungase uzizwe ulahlekile ngokuthi ungasilungisa kanjani isimo. Kodwa-ke, izimpi ezinjengalezi zikusiza ukuthi wazi kabanzi mayelana nemingcele yomlingani wakho nokuthi yini eyoyiqeda. Futhi yileyo ndlela ofunda ngayo ukubona nokuhlonipha imingcele yabo. Kubalulekile ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho mayelana nokuthi yini ayibona ilungile nokuthi yini ayibheka njengeluhlaza ukuze wazi ukuthi kufanele udwebe kuphi umugqa.

4. Isisekelo sakho siyaqina ngemuva kwengxabano yenu yokuqala ebudlelwaneni

Lokhu kulwa kobudlelwano nakho kuwuvivinyo lwesisekelo sakho. Lapho usinda engxabano yokuqala enkulu, uthola ukwazi ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho buqine kangakanani. Izimpi ziqala nini ebudlelwaneni? Ayikho impendulo ecacile kulokho. Mhlawumbe ngemva kokuphela kwenkathi yamehlo amazolo, ijuba, lapho okwenzayo kuwukuzizwa uthambekele komunye umuntu. Kodwa uma lokho sekudlulile, uqala ukucabanga ngezinto ezijulile futhi uqaphele ubuhlobo amafulegi abomvu ngokucacile.

Kungenxa yezimpi ezinjengalezi lapho uthola khona ukwazi umlingani wakho ngendlela ephathekayo nengokomzwelo. Nobabili nikhuluma ngokukhululekile, nibe sengozini, futhi nixhumane ngobuhlungu. Kwenza nobabili niqine ngokomzwelo futhi niqondane kangcono. Isisekelo sakho siyaqina njengoba uqala ukuqonda futhi wembula izendlalelo ezintsha zobuntu bomunye nomunye.

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5. Niyajwayelana

Izinyanga ezimbalwa zokuqala zobudlelwano zimayelana nokuhlaba umxhwele futhi ukuncenga umlingani wakho. Kuleli qophelo, mhlawumbe awukazizwa ukhululekile ngokwanele ukuthi uveze “uwena wangempela” ku-SO yakho. Kodwa izinto ziyashintsha ngemva kokulwa kwakho kokuqala ezimbalwa. Kufanele kwembule ubuwena bangempela futhi wazi ukuthi umlingani wakho uyayithanda yini le nguqulo yakho.

Phakathi nempi yokuqala, uthola ukuqonda izinto eziningi mayelana nomlingani wakho. Ngakho-ke uma nixabana nisanda kuhlanganyela, ningakhathazeki! Eqinisweni, leli yithuba elikhulu lokuxebula lezo zendlalelo futhi uthole ukuthi yini engaphansi. Ufunda ngezinto ezilimaza umlingani wakho, indlela umlingani wakho azizwa ngayo ngawe nangobudlelwano, kanye nokwesaba kwabo nokuba sengozini. Lokhu kukusiza ukuthi uqonde kangcono umlingani wakho, okungangabazeki ukuthi kuzokumisa kahle esikhathini esizayo.

6. Nikhula ndawonye

“Ngemva kokulwa kwethu kokuqala, ngazizwa ngivuthiwe ngaso leso sikhathi futhi ngikhule ebuhlotsheni.Ngaphambi kwalokho, ngangizizwa sengathi sisebasha ababili nje abathandanayo besenza izigigaba. ubuhlobo obujulile nabo”, kusho umfundi wethu, u-Amelia, ngalokho akufundile ngemuva kwempi yakhe yokuqala enkulu nesoka lakhe, uMichael.

Kuzoba nokunye ukungqubuzana okuningi okuzayo kodwa lena ikufundisa ukuthi nicabange ngomunye nomunye futhi ugcine ubungcwele bobudlelwano bakho ngaphezu kwakho konke. Uyabona ukuthi lokhu akusaphathelene nabantu ababili abahlukene, kodwa ngawe njengombhangqwana. Lokhu ukukhula nokuvuthwa u-Amelia akhuluma ngakho. Ukulwa akusho ukuthi sekuphelile. Kunalokho kumayelana nokunqoba izithiyo ndawonye futhi niqhubeke nibambene niqinise.

Nobabili niyakubona ukubaluleka kokuthi “thina”. Lokho kwenza nisebenze ebuhlotsheni benu ndawonye njengombhangqwana futhi nobabili nikhule ndawonye futhi niphume niqinile. Ngokuhlukana kwakho nezingxabano, wakhela phezu kokusondelana ngokobuhlakani. Lokho kukutshela ukuthi unamandla kangakanani, usengozini, futhi usekela kangakanani ebudlelwaneni.

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Yini Ongayenza Ngemva Kwempi Yokuqala?

Impi yokuqala ngesikhathi nithandana ihlale ikhumbuleka kakhulu. Yimpi ebeka isisekelo sazo zonke ezinye izimpi ezizayo. Uma ungakuphathi kahle lokhu, kuzophinde kusetshenziswe njengesithenjwa uma izinto ziba muncu phakathi kwakho nophathina wakho. Khumbula, kubalulekile xhumana nomlingani wakho ngemva kokulwa kunokuba uvumelane nokungqubuzana kwe-ego. Nakhu ongakwenza ngemva kwempi yokuqala nesoka/intombi yakho:

1. Ungalindi isikhathi eside ukuze ulungise

Impi kufanele ihlale isikhathi esingakanani ebudlelwaneni? Impendulo ilele ekutheni ungakuxazulula ngokushesha kangakanani, ikakhulukazi uma ulwa ezigabeni zokuqala zobudlelwano. Ungase uzizwe ulingeka ukunikeza umlingani wakho i ukwelashwa buthule, ngethemba lokubenza balibone iphutha labo. Kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi uma uthatha isikhathi eside ukulungisa, ayanda amathuba okuthi imizwa engemihle ngomunye nomunye izokwanda ngokushesha.

Lapho sithukuthelele othile, konke esikucabangayo yizici ezimbi zobuhlobo. Le micabango emibi ilokhu ikhula uma ungaqali ukukhuluma nesithandwa sakho ukuze ulungise. Ungalindi isikhathi eside ukuze ulungise kungenjalo kuzoba nzima nakakhulu ukuxazulula udaba.

2. Bonisa ububele

Kufanele ube nobubele kumlingani wakho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iphutha likabani, kufanele ukhumbule ukuthi umlingani wakho naye uhlukumezekile ngale mpi. Esikhundleni sokudlala umdlalo wokusola, udinga ukukhombisa uzwelo kumlingani wakho futhi uqonde imizwa yakhe.

Ukubonisa uzwelo kuzokwenza umlingani wakho abone ukuthi unendaba nemizwa yakhe, futhi ekugcineni kosuku nobabili nizogcina nixolisa komunye nomunye. Njengoba sishilo, ukulwa kungakusondeza nakakhulu, futhi ukuqonda nozwela kuyindlela efanele xhuma kabusha ngemva kwempi enkulu.

3. Zithobe kuqala

Kumele wehlise umoya ngaphambi kokukhuluma nomlingani wakho. Lapho sithukuthele, sivame ukuqala ukukhuluma izinto esingaqondile. Ngaphambi kokuthi ukungezwani okuncane kuphenduke umbukiso wokumemeza futhi kukwenze uveze uhlangothi olubi ngawe ungaqondile, kubalulekile ukuthi ukulawule.

Kungenjalo, kungaholela amazwi abuhlungu ukushintshisana phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Kubalulekile ukuthi ungavumeli intukuthelo yakho ikhulume. Kuphela uma uzolile futhi uqoqiwe uzokwazi ukubona isizathu sangempela ngemuva kokulwa futhi uyixazulule.

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4. Ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo

Impi yakho yokuqala ayidingi ukuthi uqede umaqondana wakho wena ulala emakamelweni ahlukene. Udinga ukuxhumana nabo. Khuluma nomlingani wakho uzame ukumehlisa umoya. Uma sebezolile, ningakwazi nobabili baxoxe bodwa ngalokho okukuzwise ubuhlungu kakhulu. Esimeni esizolile, nobabili nizokwazi ukwabelana ngemibono yenu futhi nixoxe ngendaba ngendlela enempilo.

5. Zamani ukulungisa izinto ndawonye

Kubalulekile ukucabanga ngobudlelwano bakho ukuze ugweme ukungqubuzana kwe-ego. Kudingeka nihlale ndawonye futhi nihlonze izinto ezibangela lokhu kuqubuka. Kuyonisiza ekuqondeni omunye komunye nasekugwemeni okufanayo esikhathini esizayo. Cabanga ngekhambi elamukelekayo kubo bonke bese uqeda impi ngokugona. Ukugona kuwumlingo. Ingxabano yokuqala ayikho mayelana nokuwina noma ukulahlekelwa, imayelana nokuthi nobabili nibazisa kangakanani ubuhlobo benu futhi nikulungele ukubusebenzela.

6. Funda ukuthethelela ngemva kwengxabano yokuqala ebudlelwaneni

Kubalulekile ukuthi nobabili nithethelelane. Ukusho nje uxolo futhi kungasho ukuthi kuzoholela kwenye futhi impi. Fundani ukuthethelelana ngamaphutha enziwe nidlule kuwo. Ukuthethelela kuzosiza ekususeni umthwalo enhliziyweni yakho futhi uzokwazi ukugxila kakhulu kumlingani wakho nasebudlelwaneni.

Ukungezwani kokuqala ngezinye izikhathi kuzwakala kubuhlungu ukubhekana nobuhlungu benhliziyo noma ukuhlukana. Kungenxa yokuthi uqala ukuzwa le mizwa engemihle ukuthi ukwesaba kwakho okuhlobene nobudlelwano kuvele obala. Iqiniso liwukuthi ukulwa kokuqala nomlingani wakho kuyinto enhle.

Ungabuza, “Sifundeni empini yethu yokuqala?” Hhayi-ke, umazi kangcono umlingani wakho futhi kukwenze wabona ukuthi umthanda kangakanani umlingani wakho. Kufana nokuvuka lapho izinto ziba ngokoqobo futhi nobabili niqale ukulungisa ubuhlobo benu. Ningasabi izingxabano ebudlelwaneni benu, ngoba ngemuva kokuthi nobabili nikuxazulule, nizogcina nihleka ukuthi kwenzeke kanjani ngemuva kweminyaka embalwa. Kuthathe njengesinyathelo esihle sokwenza ubudlelwano bakho buqine!

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