Umyeni Wami Uyangithanda Kodwa Hhayi Ngokocansi: Abesifazane Abayi-10 Baxoxa Ngezindaba Zabo

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Iningi lamanoveli e-romcom nawezothando lingenza sikholwe ukuthi uthando lweqiniso lumayelana nezothando ezisankondlo - ukubambana ngezandla nokuqabula okuvusa amadlingozi nakho - kodwa akukho okusenza sizwe ukubaluleka kwempilo yocansi enempilo. Ngakho, ingabe ukuphila komshado kungaba khona ngaphandle kobulili? Ingabe uvame ukuzitshela ukuthi, “Umyeni wami uyangithanda kodwa hhayi ngokocansi”, noma ubuze, “Ingabe umyeni wami akakhangi kimi?” Uzibuza ukuthi yini edala ukuthi indoda ingakuthandi? Ingabe ukwanda kwengcindezi, isithukuthezi, noma ukuntula nje isithakazelo socansi? Awunalwazi mayelana nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomyeni wakho engakufuni ocansini? Ingabe ngezinye zezibonakaliso ukuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi?

Ungakhathazeki! Kulesi sihloko, siqoqe izindaba zabesifazane abayi-10 abaye badlula kulesi simo, kanye nokuqonda kochwepheshe kokuthi ungasilungisa kanjani isimo lapho umyeni wakho engakuthandanga ngokocansi. Ochwepheshe bethu bahlanganisa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uNandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ogxile kwi-CBT, REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwemibhangqwana; isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nomhlaziyi wezokuziphatha kwengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), ogxile ekwelulekweni kobudlelwano kanye ne-Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy; isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esiseCalifornia kanye nochwepheshe wezokuziphatha kwengqondo uDkt. Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), ogxile ekwelulekweni ngokuhlukana kanye nesehlukaniso, ukuhlukana nokuthandana, kanye nezinkinga zokuhambisana ngaphambi komshado; kanye nesazi sokusebenza ngokocansi uDkt. Vishal Gor , ogxile ekwelapheni ukungasebenzi kahle kocansi.

Umyeni Wami Uyangithanda Kodwa Hhayi Ngokocansi: Abesifazane Abayi-10 Babelana Ngokuthi Injani

Okuqukethwe

Kungaba nezizathu eziningi ezenza owesifazane azizwe sengathi umlingani wakhe noma umyeni wakhe akafinyeleli isifiso sakhe socansi, naphezu kokuba emthanda . Eqinisweni, “Umyeni wami akasafuni ucansi” kuyisikhalazo esivamile. Kusukela ekungahambelani ngokwezimali kanye nezinkinga zobudlelwano eziqhubekayo kuya emanxebeni ajulile engqondo kanye nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo, izizathu zokuntuleka kwesithakazelo socansi zingaba ziningi. Ngakho-ke, uma uzithola uzibuza, “Kungani umyeni wami engakaze abe nesifiso socansi kimi?” noma “Kungani kufanele ngincenge umyeni wami ukuba alale nami?”, bheka kahle isizathu esiyinhloko esibangela ukungabi naso ngokocansi.

Sibale izimo ezinjalo eziyi-10 ngezansi, kanye nemibono yabesifazane kanye nezimpendulo zochwepheshe. Uma ungomunye wesifazane onjalo olokhu ezibuza ukuthi kungani umyeni wakhe engasaluqalisi ucansi noma engasanelisi isifiso sakhe socansi nezidingo zakhe bese ekhala, “Umyeni wami uyangithanda kodwa hhayi ngokocansi”, sithemba ukuthi lokhu kuzokusiza.

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1. “Ngahola kakhulu kunomyeni wami futhi lokho kwaba nomthelela omubi empilweni yethu yocansi…”

URita, owesifazane oneminyaka engu-35 ubudala, wayehola kakhulu kunomyeni wakhe, uRyan. Nansi indaba yakhe: "Ngiphuma emndenini ocebile, futhi ekugcineni, ngathatha ibhizinisi likababa. Nakuba aziwa njengowesifazane oshisayo futhi ocebile oneminyaka ephakathi nendawo emphakathini wakithi, ngangishade nendoda elula kakhulu eyathola isamba esihle kwaze kwaba yilapho umsebenzi wayo uphumelela.

"Nginomuzwa wokuthi iningi lezinkanuko zikaRyan zobulili seliphelile ngemva kokufika eminyakeni ethile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ingcindezi yebhizinisi lami elikhulayo yangiphoqa ukuba ngiyeke ukunakekela umzimba wami. Konke kusukela esimisweni sami sokulala kuya emqondweni wami wokugqoka kwashintsha. Useke wangikhohlisa kanye. Kubuhlungu ngoba ngangilindele ukuthi abe nokusekela okwengeziwe."

Impendulo yochwepheshe

UDkt. Bhonsle , owabhekana naleli cala, uthi, “Umehluko wezezimali kanye nokuzikhukhumeza kwabesilisa kwakuyizinto eziyinhloko ezibangela lesi simo lapha. Indlela ephumelela kakhulu yokubhekana nalesi simo ukuthola uhlobo oluthile lokulingana kwezezimali, lapho uRyan ayengacabanga khona ngokuthuthukisa amakhono akhe ochwepheshe kanye nokufaka isandla emholweni womndeni wakhe. Ngaphezu kwalokho, umzamo kaRita wokugcina ibhalansi enempilo yomsebenzi nokuphila wawungasiza isimo sabo.”

2. “Ngithanda ucansi oluphakeme, futhi umyeni wami aka…”

UShania, owayeka ukuzizwa ejabule embhedeni, uyalandisa: “Ngangiwumlutha wezithombe ezingcolile futhi ngikhetha ukuzijabulisa mina embhedeni, ngisola umyeni wami, uGeorge, ngokungaluqali ubulili noma ukungenza ngijabule embhedeni.” Ngezinye izikhathi, ngangize ngibhude futhi ngihlekise ngokuntula kwakhe ikhono lobulili, ukuze nje ngibone ukuthi uyazishintsha yini izindlela zakhe.”

Nokho, uShania akazizwa enecala ngesifiso sakhe socansi . Uthi, “Nginesifiso esikhulu socansi, kanti uGeorge, ngeshwa, akabonakali enesifiso sokushintshashintsha embhedeni. Ungumyeni omuhle, nokho, onakekela zonke izidingo zami futhi ungubaba omuhle endodakazini yethu. Kodwa uma kukhulunywa ngokungijabulisa embhedeni, ubonakala engenasithakazelo nhlobo. Futhi ngivame ukuzibuza, “Kungani umyeni wami engakaze angithande ngokocansi?”

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Impendulo yochwepheshe

Mayelana naleli cala, uDkt. Bhonsle uthi, "Ucansi akufanele nanini lube yingozi. Kulokhu, u-Shania, owayenesifiso sobulili esiphezulu, wayebonakala eyala uGeorge embhedeni, emcela ukuba ehlise ijubane noma aqinise, ngokuvumelana nokufisa kwakhe. Ucansi kufanele kube isenzo sobabili, lapho bobabili abalingani kufanele bajabulele ijubane lakho. Ngakho, u-Shania kufanele enze uGeorge akhululeke kancane embhedeni. Bobabili abalingani babo kufanele baqinisekise ukuthi ukulandelana kwabo embhedeni. injabulo.”

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3. “Umyeni wami akakwazi ukuya nami ocansini ngoba ngathandana nomngane oyedwa…”

URiddhi, owesifazane odabuka eNdiya, ulandisa ngendlela isikhathi sakhe esidlule esonakalisa ngayo ukusondelana ngokocansi emshadweni wakhe. Uthi, “Mina nomyeni wami, uSanjay, sasinomshado ohleliwe , okuwumkhuba ovamile emindenini yamaNdiya ngisho nanamuhla. Nakuba sasithandana kakhulu, kwaba khona inkinga encane, futhi kwakuwumngane wethu ovamile, u-Ajay. Mina no-Ajay sasithandana ngokomzimba kudala ngaphambi kokuba ngishade noSanjay. Futhi njengoba uSanjay azi ngalokhu, wayesenezinkinga zengqondo ezamvimbela ukuthi asondelane nami ngokomzimba embhedeni.”

U-Riddhi, nokho, ucabanga ukuthi uSanjay ubesanda kusabela ngokweqile. Uthi, “Mina no-Ajay sasingewona ngisho umbhangqwana. Sasizihlalele nabangane ngobunye ubusuku, sadakwa, futhi sajwayelana. Lokhu akufanele kuphazamise umshado wami, njengoba u-Ajay noSanjay nabo bengabangane abakhulu, futhi lesi sigameko senzeka kudala ngaphambi kokuba ngithandane noSanjay. Ekuqaleni, ngaze ngasola ukuthi umyeni wami akanazo inkanuko.

Impendulo yochwepheshe

UDkt. Bhonsle, owacwaninga ngaleli cala, uthi, “Kulokhu kukhohlisa kancane ngoba akukho muntu onephutha futhi bobathathu abantu abathintekayo basengabangane, lokhu kuwumqansa obangelwa ukulindelwe umphakathi kukamakoti oseyintombi nto. Ngikholelwa ukuthi uSanjay kufanele alawule lokho akulindele futhi aqhubeke nokwedlule.

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4. “Singabantu abakahle njengezithandani kodwa sesineminyaka engu-15 singayenzi ucansi…”

UMelanie noRoy, umbhangqwana osuneminyaka engu-28 ushadile, wabelana ngezinqubo zobulili ezinhle eminyakeni yokuqala yomshado. Nakhu okwashiwo uMelanie lapho elandisa indaba yakhe: “Njengoba ukuphila kuqala, sabhekana nezinkinga eziningi ndawonye, kuhlanganise nezinkinga zezezimali nezinkinga zempilo. kubonakala, umyeni wami akasalufuni ucansi, okungenani hhayi kimi.

"Noma kunjalo, sobabili besilokhu sicasukile ngokocansi futhi sobabili besinezingxabano ngaphandle komshado . Ekuqaleni, lapho sihlukana ngokocansi, ngakuthatha enhliziyweni futhi ngangivame ukukhononda, "Umyeni wami uyangithanda kodwa hhayi ngokocansi." Naphezu kokuzama ukulungisa izindlela, izinto zaqhubeka zisebenza kahle phakathi kwethu. Ekugcineni, saba abantu abaningi abahlala ndawonye kunokuba sibe ngababili futhi sobabili saba nabalingani ngaphandle komshado wethu. Lokho kwasigcina sobabili siphilile engqondweni, ngicabanga."

Impendulo yochwepheshe

UNandita , owabhekana naleli cala, uthi, “Isithukuthezi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kanye nokungavumelani ngokomzwelo/ngokwengqondo, yisona sizathu esiyinhloko sokuntuleka kocansi kuleli cala. Nakuba bobabili abalingani bebonakala sengathi sebevumelene ngebanga lobulili, ababengakwenza esikhundleni salokho kwakuwukuxhumana nokuba sobala ukuze baxazulule izinkinga.”

5. “Ngabelana nomyeni wami ngobuhlobo obuseduze, futhi manje sekubonakala sengathi akabuthandi ubulili…”

U-Adam noDiane, asebeshade iminyaka emi-2, cishe abanakho ukuphila kocansi nhlobo. UDiane uthi, “Nakuba ngemva kweminyaka emi-2 sishadile, konke okunye kuhamba kahle ebudlelwaneni bethu, umyeni wami ngeke alale nami.

"Nakuba sabelana ngokuxhumana okuqinile ngokomzwelo futhi singabangane abakhulu, asikaze sibe nokuxhumana ngokocansi, futhi kubonakala sengathi sasingadalelwanga ukushada. Eqinisweni, u-Adam akangigoni noma aqale noma yikuphi ukuxhumana ngokomzimba, futhi manje kubonakala sengathi angase abe nobudlelwano bobulili obungenabo ubulili futhi angabi nentshisekelo kunoma yimuphi umsebenzi wobulili."

Impendulo yochwepheshe

Leli cala nalo lasingathwa uNandita, ocabanga ukuthi, “Ezimweni ezinjalo, kungase kube inkinga yezokwelapha noma engokwengqondo. Kungase futhi kube ukuntula ukukhangwa ngokomzimba. Inkinga ingaxazululwa kuphela uma sesihlonze ukuthi inkinga eyinhloko iyini. Ungase ucabange ukuthi lesi esinye sezibonakaliso ukuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi, kodwa lokho kungase kungabi yiqiniso. Ezimweni eziningi, lapho izizathu zokululekwa ngokwengqondo zingekho noma zingenalo usizo lwezocansi olungenasithakazelo kwezocansi. kungaba usizo.”

6. “Izibalo zethu ekamelweni zalimala lapho ephelelwa umsebenzi…”

ULiza noJohn babephila ukuphila okujabulisayo kwaze kwaba yilapho uJohn elahlekelwa umsebenzi ngemva nje kokushada. ULiza uthi: “Lapho siqala ukuthandana, sasiluthanda ubulili, futhi wayekuthanda kakhulu.Kodwa ngemva kokuphelelwa umsebenzi, kwaba nzima kithi sobabili.Ngaphatheka kabi kakhulu ngoba ngokungazelele indlela esasiphila ngayo yayishintshashintsha.Ngangivame ukumklolodela uJohn futhi ngimcindezele ukuba athole omunye umsebenzi.

"Lokhu kwamenza waqhelelana , waqala ukungangithandi. Nakuba ngangingumfazi omuhle kuye, mhlawumbe ukungigcona kwami, kanye nokukhathazeka kokuthola umsebenzi, kwathinta ukuzethemba kwakhe futhi kwamholela ekucindezelekeni, kangangokuthi wayesesebenzisa imithi. Lokhu kwaba nomthelela omubi ekuzithandeni kwakhe, walahlekelwa isithakazelo ocansini, futhi wayengakwazi ukufeza lokho engangikulindele embhedeni."

Nokho, uLiza uyasebenziseka ngempela ngalesi simo futhi uyanezela, “Kungenzeka ukuthi ngikwenze kwacaca ukudumala kwami ngokuqophisana naye ngezikhathi ezithile. Ngangingathandi ukubhekana nezinkinga zezimali, okwathi ngokushesha nje sishada. Ngokushesha, isimo sathinta ukuphila kwethu kobulili, futhi sagcina sesisemshadweni ongenabo ubulili. Manje, umyeni wami ngeke alale nami, ngiyacabanga. Eqinisweni, umyeni wami akanakungisola ngakho konke.

Impendulo yochwepheshe

UNandita, owayesingatha leli cala, uyacabanga, “Ukukhathazeka kungaba umbulali omkhulu wenkanuko, uma kungabhekwanga ngokwelulekwa ngesikhathi esifanele.” Kulokhu, uLiza kwakufanele aqaphe kancane lapho esebenzelana nomyeni wakhe owayesevele ebhekene nenkinga yomsebenzi, into engaba igalelo elikhulu ekuziphakamiseni komuntu wesilisa.

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7. “Isimiso somsebenzi esimatasa somyeni wami sayithunaza impilo yethu yocansi…”

KuRicha (35) kanye noDave (38), kwaba wuhlelo lomsebenzi onzima walaba owaba nomthelela empilweni yabo yocansi. U-Richa uthi, "Sase sibhekene nezinkinga zocansi cishe iminyaka engu-2. Kwasithatha isikhathi ukuthola ukuthi kwakubangelwa ukukhathazeka nokucindezeleka kukaDave mayelana nebhizinisi lakhe elifunayo. Lokhu kwaphazamisa i-libido yakhe futhi wayengenandaba nami ngokocansi. Ube, ngaphandle kwalokho, ube ngumyeni obophekile.

"Impela umsebenzi ubalulekile. Ubeka ukudla etafuleni lethu futhi usekela indlela yethu yokuphila. Kodwa yini iphuzu lokusebenza 24/7 uma kuthinta yonke into kusukela empilweni yakho yengqondo kuya empilweni yethu yocansi? Ukukhathazeka okuhlobene nomsebenzi konakalisa impilo yethu yocansi futhi wayezogwema ucansi ngokuphelele. Ngakho, ekugcineni ngagcina ngisemshadweni ongenacala."

Impendulo yochwepheshe

UDkt. Gor, owayesingatha leli cala, unomuzwa wokuthi, “Ukucindezeleka nokucindezeleka okwandayo kufanele kuxazululwe ngokwelulekwa futhi, uma kungenzeka, ngemithi. Kulokhu, ngabacebisa ukuba baye eholidini elincane futhi baxhumane kabusha. Nganikeza nemithi eyisisekelo yokuthuthukisa isifiso namandla. Ukuxhumana kobulili kombhangqwana kwaba ngcono phakathi nezinyanga ezimbili.”

8. “Umyeni wami wathola engisebenza naye eshisa futhi ngasala emshadweni ongenabulili…”

Le ndaba imayelana nombhangqwana oseminyakeni ephakathi, u-Aron noJosie. Kubonakala sengathi u-Aron walahlekelwa yisifiso sakhe sobulili ngoJosie ngemva kweminyaka embalwa beshadile. Echaza ukuthi kwenzekani nokuthi kwamthinta kanjani, uJosie uthi, “Wazizwa ekhangwa umuntu asebenza naye ngoba nje wayehlala ekhona ukuze amsize futhi bachitha isikhathi esiningi bexoxa. Mina, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngangingenaso isikhathi esiningi futhi ngangimatasa kakhulu nezingane zethu.

“Noma kunjalo, umshado wawubhidlika mayelana nobuhlobo bethu bobulili. Kodwa okwakubuhlungu kakhulu ukuthi wayethanda umuntu engangisebenza naye, kuyilapho mina ngisekhaya, ngimlindile ukuba enze umzamo wokwenza izinto ze-jazz embhedeni noma azame kakhudlwana. Kungani kufanele ngincenge umyeni wami ukuba alale nami?”

Impendulo yochwepheshe

UDkt. Batra, owafunda ngale ndaba, uzizwa kanje, “Ngenkathi ukukhangana ngokomzimba kuhlanganisa abantu ndawonye, ukukhangana ngokwengqondo kubagcina behlangene. Kodwa ikakhulukazi, imibhangqwana enjalo isathandana futhi ayihlukani. Imibhangqwana enjalo ilahlekelwa ukukhangana futhi ihlushwa yi-'roommate syndrome', lapho iba njengabantu abahlala ndawonye kunokuba babe ngabalingani.

Kulapho futhi abantu abangaphandle kobudlelwane bevame ukubukeka bekhanga kungakhathaliseki ukuthi babukeka kanjani, isimilo sabo, noma imvelo. Abantu bafuna ulwazi olusha nabantu abasha. Kulokhu, u-Aron bekufanele acabangele iqiniso lokuthi u-Joaise kwadingeka abhekane nemithwalo yemfanelo yasekhaya. Kwakufanele angenele ukuze anakekele izingane.”

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9. “Umyeni wami wayeka ukulala nami lapho ngigxile emsebenzini wami…”

UMisha noKevin baqala ukuba nezinkinga lapho uMisha eqala ukufundela isitifiketi sesayensi yedatha ngemva nje kokushada futhi wagxila emsebenzini wakhe. Uthi, “Akukho okunye okwakubalulekile kimi. Ngangingafisi nokuphuma endlini ukuze ngiyothenga ukudla noma ngisho nokuzivocavoca. Amabhayisikobho, izinhlelo, ukujima, ukuhamba ngezinyawo, amaholide – ngathi “Cha” kubo bonke. Ngakho, ekugcineni wayeka ukuba ‘umyeni omuhle’ futhi wayeka ukuzama ukuvuselela inhlansi. Sagcina sesihlala emshadweni ongenabo ubulili.”

Nokho, uMisha uyazivikela, ethi, “Ngingowesifazane ozimele . Futhi le khosi yayiyisinyathelo esikhulu maqondana nomsebenzi wami. Ngicabanga ukuthi uKevin bekufanele abe nokucabangela okwengeziwe, okungenani, kwaze kwaba yilapho ikhosi yami isiphelile. Kulungile ngokuphelele ukunganaki izici ezimbalwa zokuphila uma umuntu eseceleni koshintsho olukhulu lomsebenzi.”

Impendulo yochwepheshe

UDkt. Batra, owayebhekene naleli cala, unomuzwa wokuthi, “Ngenkathi kulesi simo, u-Kevin ubengalinda ngempela uMisha aze aqedele isitifiketi sakhe, ngaphandle kokuzizwa ecasukile, uMisha naye kwakungafanele amthathe kalula u-Kevin. Uma uthatha umlingani wakho njengento evamile, kuthinta ukuzethemba kwakhe futhi kumenze azizwe engafunwa. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukondla ubuhlobo njengesihlahla esisodwa.”

10. “Ngakhathazeka kakhulu ngokuqina kwami, futhi umyeni wami wayeka ukuqala ucansi…”

Impilo yocansi kaTina no-Alex yathinteka ngesizathu esingavamile — ukugxila ekuzilolongeni komzimba. UTina, owayengumfazi ohlanganyela ocansini ngesinye isikhathi, wathi: “Ngaqala ukugibela ibhayisikili nezinye izinhlobo zokuzivocavoca ukuze nginciphise isisindo. Lapho sengiqala ukubona imiphumela, ngalahlekelwa yisithakazelo sobulili ku-Alex futhi ngaqala ukujabulela ukunakwa engangikuthola kwabanye abagibeli bamabhayisikili kanye nabathandi bokuzivocavoca. Nganginomuzwa wokuthi umyeni wami wayengalingani nezinga lami lokukhanga ngokomzimba futhi ngalahlekelwa yisifiso sobulili ngaye. Ngenkathi u-Alex ezama ukwenza izinto zisebenze, wagcina eyeke.”

Umbono kaTina kulokhu wawuhlobene. Wachaza, "Lapho ngehla emzimbeni futhi ngifinyelela imigomo yami yokufaneleka, kwandisa i-libido yami. Ngacela umyeni wami ukuthi ajoyine ijimu futhi abuyele esimweni esihle. Wayengakaze abe nesithakazelo sokufaneleka futhi akazange angilalele. Lokhu kwathinta i-equation yethu ekamelweni, futhi ucansi lwaqhubekela phambili ngemuva."

Impendulo yochwepheshe

UDkt. Batra, owayesebenza nalaba mbhangqwana, uthi, “Kukholelwa ukuthi indoda inesithakazelo esikhulu kowesifazane onesithakazelo kuyo kunowesifazane onemilenze emihle kakhulu edolobheni. Ngakho-ke, ukuze indoda idlale kahle embhedeni, owesifazane naye udinga ukumenza ajabule futhi azizwe ekhethekile. Ukungalali nawe akuyona ngempela enye yezimpawu zokuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi. Kulesi simo, uTina kwakufanele enze u-Alex azizwe kahle ngaye, esikhundleni sokumphoqa ukuba ajoyine ijimu. Lokho kwakungaba yisikhuthazo esikhulu sengqondo sokubhekana nomfutho wakhe ophansi wobulili.”

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Ingabe enye yalezi zindaba ibonakala ihlobene kuwe? Ingabe uvame ukuzithola utshela abangane bakho, “Umyeni wami akalokothi aqalise ukusondelana”? Noma ingabe uvame ukukhuza, “Umyeni wami akasalufuni ucansi”? Uma kunjalo, okokuqala, sifuna ukusho ukuthi siyaxolisa kangakanani ngesimo ozithola ukuso. Abesifazane akufanele babhekane nosizi lokuzitshela ukuthi, “Umyeni wami akanandaba nami ngokwenyama.” Ngokufanayo, amadoda abhekana nokucindezela kokuba enze umsebenzi wawo noma aziphilise kahle ngokusebenza imisebenzi enengcindezi enkulu nawo awalona iphutha lokwehluleka ukusebenza embhedeni.

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Ukuqoqa amaphuzu athile kumacala aku-athikili kanye nemininingwane evela kochwepheshe bethu, sihlanganise izizathu ezimbalwa ezibambekayo zokuthi kungani umyeni wakho engase angakufuni ngokocansi. Ngakho-ke, qhubeka ufunda ukuze uthole izimpendulo zombuzo othi, “Kusho ukuthini uma umyeni wakho ekwenqaba ngokobulili?”

Ukulahlekelwa ukukhanga ngokomzimba: Ngokukhula kweminyaka, abanye besifazane, ikakhulukazi ngemva kokuba ngumama, abagcini nje ngokulahlekelwa ubuhle babo bomzimba, kodwa futhi nesifiso sokuhlobisa ubusuku bokuthandana noma sebenzisa isikhathi sekhwalithi. I-flab, imigqa emihle, nemibimbi kuyathatha, futhi amadoda amaningi awasakhangwa amakhosikazi awo.
Izinkinga zezokwelapha: Iningi labesifazane lihlangabezana nezinkinga zezokwelapha ezifana ne-PCOS kanye nesifo sangaphambi kokuya esikhathini. Lokhu kuvame ukwehlisa i-libido yabo, futhi, kungase kulahle abalingani babo ngokocansi. Izinkinga zezokwelapha ezingalapheki, njenge-osteoarthritis, nazo zingaba nomthelela ekuhambeni futhi zibe nomthelela ekuziphatheni kwabantu kwezocansi
Ukukhubazeka: Ukukhubazeka ngokomzimba, kungaba okwesikhashana noma unomphela, kungase kuphazamise ukusondelana ngokocansi phakathi kwabalingani
Izinkinga zengqondo: Ukuntula isifiso socansi akuhlangene nezici zomzimba ngaso sonke isikhathi kodwa kungase kuhlobene nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo. Amadoda ngokuvamile ahlushwa ukukhathazeka kokusebenza, lapho ukwesaba ukungaphili ngezindinganiso zobulili zomlingani kungase kubenze bangahlanganyeli ocansini. Ngokufanayo, izici ezingokwengqondo ezinjengokukhathazeka noma ukucindezeleka, ngenxa yokuphelelwa umsebenzi noma ukushona emndenini, zingase zinciphise isifiso sobulili.
Ukungahambisani: Ngezikhathi, ukungezwani ebudlelwaneni, kokubili ngokomzwelo nangokobulili, kungaba isizathu esenza umyeni wakho agweme ubulili. Ngakho-ke, umfazi angase abe nesibindi ngokwengeziwe embhedeni, kuyilapho umyeni engase abe ngokwesiko, futhi ngokuphambene nalokho. Ukungabi sekhasini elifanayo kwenza lokhu kube nzima
Isithukuthezi: Kungase kungabi lutho ngaphandle kwesithukuthezi ngokudlula ezintweni ezivamile ekuphileni njengombhangqwana ochitha ukusondelana ngokobulili ngezinye izikhathi.
Ukulutha kanye nemiphumela emibi yemithi: Imithi eminingi inciphisa i-libido. Ngisho nokuba nemishanguzo emisha kungaba nemiphumela engemihle, okuhlanganisa nokushayeka phansi kocansi. Ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa nokunye ukulutheka nakho kungaba yizizathu ezenza umyeni wakho agweme ucansi
Izingxabano phakathi kwabantu: Izinkinga ze-Ego, ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo, izingxabano ngezezimali noma umndeni, nokunye ukungqubuzana phakathi kwabantu kungase kuthinte ukusondelana ngokomzimba phakathi kwabalingani futhi kubangele izinkinga zocansi zesikhathi eside.

Kungani umyeni wami engenasithakazelo kimi ngokocansi — Ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzimba kungonakalisa ubuhlobo

Ubhekana Kanjani Nomyeni Wakho Engakufuni Ngocansi

Pho, kusho ukuthini uma umyeni wakho ekwenqaba ngokocansi? Cishe kusho ukuthi kunezinkinga eziyisisekelo okudingeka uzinakekele. Manje, ake sibheke ukuthi ungasilungisa kanjani isimo lapho usala uzitshela ukuthi, “Umyeni wami akanandaba nami ngokomzimba.”

Kuningi okushiwoyo ngendlela yokujabulisa umyeni wakho. Eqinisweni, omagazini besifazane bavame ukukhuluma ngendlela yokugqoka kahle nokuthi ungazenza kanjani ubukeke umuhle kumlingani wakho. Kodwa ngokujulile, ukwenza indoda ikufise ngokocansi kungaphezu kokubukeka. Isifiso sobulili sisekelwe engqondweni yomuntu, ochwepheshe bethu bayavuma. Ngakho-ke, ungakwenza kanjani ngaphandle kokucindezeleka ngokuthi “Umyeni wami akalokothi aqale ukusondelana”? Nokho, sinezeluleko ezithile ezivivinyiwe futhi ezivivinyiwe ezizophendula umbuzo wakho oshisayo, “Ngingenza kanjani ukuthi umyeni wami angifune futhi?”

Ngokusekelwe kulokho kuqonda, sibhale izindlela ezimbalwa zokungamane nje ubhekane nesimo lapho uhlezi uzitshela ukuthi, “Umyeni wami uyangithanda kodwa hhayi ngokocansi”, kodwa nezindlela zokuvala igebe locansi:

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1. Khulumisanani

Isinyathelo sokuqala sokuvala igebe lesifiso sobulili ukukhetha ukuxhumana ngokukhululekile. Iba nengxoxo eqotho mayelana nokuthi umlingani wakho uthandani embhedeni nokuthi yini engasebenzi. Khuluma ngezidingo zakho futhi futhi uqinisekise ukuthi usekhasini elifanayo mayelana nezindaba eziqhubekayo zobudlelwane. Nquma ukuthi uyafisa yini ukulungisa izinto bese uya phambili.

2. Yakha ukwethembana nokungafihli lutho

Ngaphambi kokukhononda ngokuthi, “Umyeni wami uyangithanda kodwa hhayi ngokocansi” nokusola wena noma umyeni wakho ngokuntuleka kwe-jazz empilweni yakho yocansi, kumele wakhe ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni futhi ube abangane abakhulu. Dala indawo ephephile ukuze nobabili nikwazi ukuxoxa ngezikhala ebudlelwaneni benu, ngaphandle kokufuna induduzo ezindabeni nasezintweni ezintsha zocansi.

3. Beka imingcele

Imingcele iyindaba enkulu ebudlelwaneni futhi kufanele ibekwe mayelana nesikhathi somsebenzi noma izibopho zomndeni. Dala isikhala se-digital detox futhi. Vala amafoni akho ngaphambi kokulala noma uwagcine kude negumbi lokulala.

4. Yeka ukuqhathanisa

Ungaqhathanisi impilo yakho yocansi ne-porn, noma nempilo yocansi yabangane. Okubalulekile ukuthi uyasijabulela yini isikhathi sakho embhedeni.

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5. Gxila kuwena

Esikhundleni sokuhlale uzibuza ukuthi, “Ingabe lokhu kungani umyeni wami engenasithakazelo kimi ngokobulili?,” zama ukususa ukugxila kuye futhi ugxile ekuzithuthukiseni. Thatha umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa, gunda izinwele eziwubukhazikhazi, utshale imali ebulungwini bejimu, noma uchithe izimpahla ezimpahleni zemfashini. Bheka futhi uzizwe u-sexy. 'Wena' omusha cishe uzomenza ahlale futhi aqaphele.

6. Khetha usizo lwezempilo

Xhumana nochwepheshe wezocansi ukuze uthole umnyombo wenkinga futhi uthole ikhambi. Qiniseka ukuthi uyayeka ukuzithiba kwakho futhi uzijwayeze ukuxhumana okuvulekile naye, uchaze inkinga ngokuningiliziwe.

7. Thembela ekungeneleleni kwengqondo

Futhi uma kungekho okusebenza kahle, futhi usazibuza ukuthi, “Ngingenza kanjani ukuthi umyeni wami angifune futhi?” zama ukwelulekwa kwemibhangqwana. Unganqikazi ukuxhumana nabelaphi abanekhono nabanamalayisense kuphaneli yeBonobology abangakuqondisa kulokhu.

Siyethemba ukuthi awusazitsheli ukuthi, “Umyeni wami uyangithanda kodwa hhayi ngokocansi,” noma uzibuza ukuthi uzokwenza kanjani uma umyeni wakho engakufuni. Ucansi, noma ucansi oluthinta inhliziyo, ngaleyo ndaba, kungase kungabi ukuphela kwendlela yokubonisa uthando, futhi kunezici eziningi zobudlelwane obuphumelelayo, okuhlanganisa ukudabula izinselele zempilo ndawonye nokubhekana nazo zonke izivunguvungu impilo ephonsa kuwe.

Sithemba futhi ukuthi sikusizile ukubhekana nezimo lapho umyeni wakho engase ashaye indiva isifiso sakho sobulili, kungaba ngamabomu noma ngokungaqondile. Phela, ukusondelana ngokomzimba kuwumgogodla wabo bonke ubuhlobo obunempilo. Ngakho-ke, sithemba ukuthi manje uzokwazi ukukhomba isizathu bese uthi, “Yingakho umyeni wami engenasithakazelo kimi ngokocansi,” futhi usebenzele ukuphila okunempilo, nokwanelisayo ocansini.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ngingenza kanjani ukuthi umyeni wami angiqaphele ngokocansi?

Uma uzibuza ukuthi, “Kungani umyeni wami engakhangi kimi?”, khumbula, ziningi izindlela zokwenza umyeni wakho akuqaphele ngokocansi. Indlela ebaluleke kakhulu ukwenza izidingo zakho zocansi zizwakale futhi ushintshe ukugxila kuwena. Faka imali ohlelweni lobuhle, izingubo ezinhle, kanye nesimiso sokufaneleka. Gxila ekuzithuthukiseni, ngaphandle kokugxila kumyeni wakho.

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Ungangena Kanjani Emoyeni Womyeni Wami?

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.