Ungabhekana Kanjani Nokunqatshelwa Ngokocansi Kusuka Kumlingani Wakho - Amathiphu ayi-9

Cabanga ngalokhu: Ubulokhu uzinzile nomlingani wakho isikhathi esiningi futhi nobabili seningene esimisweni. Ubuhlobo buzwakala buyinto evamile, ngisho nezikhathi zakho ezisondelene ngezinye izikhathi zizizwa ziwumsebenzi onzima, futhi inhlansi owawuyizwa ezinsukwini zakuqala isinyamalele. Uyazama ukukubusa kodwa njalo uma wenza kanjalo, uhlangana nehlombe elibandayo lokulahlwa ngokocansi.

Ukwenqatshwa ngokocansi ebudlelwaneni kungaba nomthelela omkhulu kubantu abathintekayo. Kungashiya umlingani oyedwa noma bobabili bezizwa bephatheke kabi, bekhungathekile, futhi becasukile futhi uma kungaxazululwa, kungaba ukuqala kokuphela kini njengombhangqwana. Ukuze siqiniseke ukuthi lo mkhuba enizithola nikuwo awubi yingozi ebulalayo ebudlelwaneni benu, silapha ukuzokusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokwenqatshwa ngokocansi ngumlingani wakho, ngokubonisana nomeluleki nombhali uNiyatii N Shah , ongumqeqeshi wezocansi kanye nomqeqeshi wokusondelana.

Umthelela Wokwenqatshwa Ngokocansi Ebudlelwaneni

Ukwenqatshwa ngokocansi kunemiphumela ejulile ekwanelisekeni kobudlelwano. Ukwenqatshwa njalo kudala igebe nokungaxhumani phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho, kanye nokuzethemba okuphansi ngaphakathi kuwe. Ukuzethemba kwakho okonakele kungakushiya uzizwa ungafunwa ngokocansi ebudlelwaneni, okungaholela ekunciphiseni ukusondelana ngokomzimba kanye nokusondelana ngokomzwelo, okwenza inkinga ibe nzima nakakhulu.

Uma kuyekwa kunganakiwe, ukwenqatshwa kocansi ebudlelwaneni kungaholela ekungathembekeni noma ekwehlukaneni okuphelele kokuxhumana kwabashadile. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ukwenqatshwa ngokocansi akukhona njalo ukuhlasela komuntu siqu, futhi kungase kube nezinkinga ezibangela ukwenqatshwa, njengokucindezeleka, ukucindezeleka, noma izinkinga zempilo yomzimba.

Umthelela ongokomzimba nongokomzwelo wokulahlwa ngokocansi

Ngokusho kukaNiyatii, ukwenqatshwa kocansi okungaguquki kumlingani kungaba nomthelela wangempela ngokomzimba kubantu. Uyachaza, “Ukwenqatshwa ocansini kungaba nemiphumela engokomzimba kubantu abasothandweni.Kungaholela ekwehleni kwesifiso socansi, okungadala ukungasebenzi kahle kocansi okunjengokungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile noma ukomisa kwesitho sangasese sowesifazane.Ukwengeza, ukwenqatshwa isikhathi eside ocansini kungaholela ekwehleni kwamazinga e-testosterone emadodeni, okungaba nomthelela empilweni yabo yonke ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo.

“Ukwenqatshwa ngokobulili kungase kube nomthelela omkhulu ngokomzwelo kubantu abathandanayo, kungabangela imizwa yokungafaneleki, ukuzethemba, nokuzethemba.

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Umthelela wokwenqatshwa kocansi emphakathini

Okungase kungabonakali kakhulu umthelela emphakathini wokulahlwa ngokocansi. U-Niyatii uthi, "Kungakha umuzwa wokuzihlukanisa nokuhoxa emisebenzini yezenhlalo, okungaba nomthelela empilweni yezenhlalo yabo bobabili abalingani. Bangase bagweme imisebenzi yezenhlalo nemicimbi lapho kungalindeleka ukuthi bahlanganyele nabanye noma nabanye. Kungabangela imizwa yecala, ihlazo, nokuphoxeka, futhi kungase kubangele ukungezwani ebunganini nobunye ubudlelwano bomphakathi.

"Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukwenqatshwa kocansi kungaba nomthelela endleleni abalingani abazibona ngayo kanye nekhono labo lokuxhumana nabanye. Kungadala umuzwa wokungazethembi kanye nokungabaza ezimeni zomphakathi, okungase kubhebhethekise inkinga."

Kwenzekani uma izinkanuko zobulili ezingafani ziholela ekwakhiweni?

Kukhona futhi indaba yokuba namazinga ahlukene entshisekelo yocansi/ isifiso socansi . Kulesi simo, lokhu kuhlukahluka kuhluke ngokuphelele futhi ukwenqatshwa ngendlela enhle kungagcina amandla obudlelwano ngokungamenzi umlingani ongenasithakazelo azizwe ebophekile ukuya ocansini ngenxa yobuhlobo. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi umusa ekuziphatheni kokunqatshwa ngokocansi uvame ukwandisa ukwaneliseka kobuhlobo esikhathini eside kodwa hhayi ngempela ukwaneliseka ngokocansi esikhathini esifushane.

Indoda vs owesifazane: Indlela ubulili obubili obusabela ngayo ekunqatshelweni ngokocansi

Ungase futhi uyazibuza, “Umuntu wesifazane uzizwa kanjani lapho enqatshwa ngokobulili nendlela indoda ezizwa ngayo?” Uma kuziwa ekuhlukeni kobulili, u-Niyatii uthi, “Kungase kube nomehluko endleleni indoda esabela ngayo uma kuqhathaniswa nendlela owesifazane asabela ngayo lapho enqatshwa ngokobulili, nakuba lokhu kungase kuhluke kakhulu kuye ngokuthi umuntu ngamunye kanye nezimo ezithile.

Ngakho, owesifazane uzizwa kanjani lapho enqatshwa ngokobulili? Nawa omunye umehluko ongaba khona phakathi kwendlela owesifazane nowesilisa abangasabela ngayo lapho benqatshelwe ngokocansi:

• Abalingani besilisa bangase babonise ukudumala kwabo ngokukhululekile lapho bezizwa benqatshelwe ngokobulili, kuyilapho abesifazane bengase bagcine imizwa yabo kubo.
• Abesilisa bangase bazizwe sengathi ubudoda babo buyasongelwa, kuyilapho abesifazane bengase bazizwe sengathi bayaliwa
• Amadoda angase abone ubulili njengokuxhumana ngokomzimba, kuyilapho abesifazane bengakubona njengento engaphezulu ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Ngakho-ke uma bezizwa benqatshelwe umlingani, umthelela ungaba ngokomzimba ngokwemvelo kwabesilisa kuyilapho abesifazane bengase bacasuke kakhulu ngokomzwelo.

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Ungabhekana Kanjani Nokunqatshelwa Ngokocansi Kusuka Kumlingani Wakho - Amathiphu ayi-9

Uma uzithola usesimweni lapho umlingani wakho enqaba ukuya ocansini nawe, kubalulekile ukuthi uphathe isimo ngendlela enempilo ukuze usigweme ukuthi singabambi ekwanelisekeni kobudlelwane bakho. Nawa amanye amathiphu okubhekana nokunqatshelwa kocansi kozakwethu ngendlela enempilo:

1. Ungazithatheli ngokwakho

UNiyatii uthi, “Ukwenqatshwa ngokocansi kungadala imizwa yokukhungatheka, intukuthelo, kanye nenzondo ngomlingani owenqabayo. Uma kungaxazululwa ngendlela enempilo, le mizwa ingaholela ekuwohlokeni kokuxhumana futhi yonakalise ubudlelwano.”

Kungakho kubalulekile ukuthi okungenani uzame ukungakuthatheli mathupha yize kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Qaphela iqiniso lokuthi maningi amathuba okuthi lokhu kuziphatha akuphathelene nawe. Kungenzeka ukuthi kukhona okwenzekayo empilweni yomlingani wakho ongakunaki njengezinkinga zempilo, ukukhathazeka, ukuncipha komdlandla wocansi nokunye okungase kumthene amandla ekubeni ocansini.

2. Khuluma ngokukhululekile

Ngenxa yalokho, kubalulekile ukuba nengxoxo evulekile nethembekile nomlingani wakho mayelana nokuthi kungani enqaba ukuya ocansini. Gwema ukucabangela futhi ulalelisise ukukhathazeka kwabo. Ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo sokwaneliseka kobudlelwane kanye nempilo yocansi enempilo. Uma bebonakala bengawuvali umlomo umqondo wale ngxoxo, kungase kube nje ukugwema ukukulimaza.

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3. Bekani eceleni isikhathi sokuxoxa ngakho

Into yokugcina ofuna ukuyenza ukufaka ukukhathazeka kwakho kubo lapho belungiselela umsebenzi noma belungiselela izingane ukuya esikoleni. Bazise ukuthi ufuna ukukhuluma ngakho futhi uqhamuke nesikhathi esivumelana ngaso lapho wazi ukuthi ngeke uphazamiseke.

"Ukusondelana ngokocansi kuvame ukuba yingxenye ebalulekile yokusondelana ngokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani. Uma kwenzeka ukwenqatshwa ngokocansi, kungadala umuzwa wokungaxhumani ngokomzwelo kanye nebanga phakathi kwabalingani, okungabangela ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo okwengeziwe. Kuba yinto ebalulekile ukuvula imigqa yokuxhumana ngale ndaba ukuze kuvinjelwe ukuthi ingalawuleki," kusho uNiyatii.

4. Ungahluleli lapho uzwakalisa ukukhathazeka kwakho

Kubaluleke kakhulu ukwenza umlingani wakho azizwe ephephile nakule ngxoxo. Awufuni ukuvela njengomuntu osolayo noma ogwebayo ngoba lokho kuzobavala umlomo. Ungase usho into enjengokuthi, “Sekunesikhathi singalali” noma “Ngizizwa sengathi siyaqhelelana.”

Umlingani wakho angase aqaphele ukuthi ulahlekelwe isithakazelo ocansini kodwa angacabangi lutho ngalokho angakusho. Futhi okubaluleke nakakhulu, ungabahluleli. Ukuthola ukuthi ungamtshela kanjani umlingani wakho ukuthi awenelisekile ngokocansi ngaphandle kokumlimaza kuyisihluthulelo sokuxazulula le nkinga.

5. Batshele ukuthi uzizwa kanjani

Uma sebeveze ukukhathazeka kwabo, ungabazisa ngobumnene ukuthi ukukwenqaba kwabo ngokocansi kukwenze wazizwa kanjani. Esikhundleni sokuthi, “Ungenza ngizizwe ngingelutho,” noma “Ngikhathele ukuqala ukusondelana ,” ungazama into efana nokuthi, “Ngizizwa ngingathandeki futhi kuthinta ukuzethemba kwami.” Ukuveza imizwa yakho kubalulekile ekubhekaneni nobuhlungu bokwenqatshwa kwakho ngokocansi, futhi ukukwenza ngendlela enomusa nenesihawu kubalulekile ukuqinisekisa ukuthi le ngxoxo iyakhiqiza futhi iyasiza.

6. Hlonipha imingcele

Kubalulekile futhi ukuhlonipha imingcele yomlingani wakho futhi ungamcindezeli ukuba enze ucansi uma engakhululekile. Imvume ibalulekile kunoma yimuphi umsebenzi wocansi futhi awufuni ukwenza ukungasebenzi kahle kwakhe kube kubi kakhulu ngokumcindezela ukuba enze ucansi. Akukho okubi ngokufuna ucansi kodwa uma umlingani wakho engafuni ukwenza ucansi, kufanele uhloniphe lokho.

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7. Gxila kwezinye izinhlobo zokusondelana

Esikhundleni sokuzama ukuthola ukuthi ungenza kanjani umlingani wakho akufune ngokocansi, zama ukuba khona kuye ngezinye izindlela. U-Niyatii uthi, “Ucansi luwuhlobo olulodwa nje lokusondelana. Zama ukugxila kwezinye izindlela zokuxhumana nophathina wakho, njengokugona, ukubambana ngezandla, noma ukuhlikihla izinyawo zomunye nomunye.” Ukwenza lokhu kungasiza ekuqiniseni ubudlelwano benu ngokutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi uyamkhathalela.

I-8. Zinakekele

Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi kufanele uzishaye indiva. Ukuhlukumezeka kokwaliwa ngokocansi kungakheka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. UNiyatii uthi, “Uma uzizwa ulahliwe, kubalulekile ukuzinakekela ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba.” Lokhu kungase kusho ukukhuluma nomngane omethembayo, ukuzinakekela, noma ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe uma kudingeka.”

9. Thola isinyathelo esilandelayo

Kuya ngesizathu sokuthi kungani umlingani wakho enqaba ucansi nawe, shintsha indlela obonisa ngayo uthando lwakho kuye noma uqale ukucabanga / ukuxoxa ngezinyathelo ezilandelayo. Khumbula, ukwenqatshwa ngokocansi emshadweni/ebudlelwaneni akukhombisi ukubaluleka kwakho njengomuntu. Kubalulekile ukubhekana nalesi simo ngozwela, ukuqonda, kanye nenhlonipho ngawe nomlingani wakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuziphatha kwabo kokwaliwa ngokocansi kukwenza uzizwe kanjani.

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Indlela Yokwenqaba Intuthuko Yezocansi Ngendlela Elungile

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma kunguwe ozizwa ucindezelwa ukuthi uye ocansini olwengeziwe futhi uzibuza ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nakho ngaphandle kokulimaza umlingani wakho, nanka amathiphu akho:

1. Thembeka futhi ucace

UNiyatii uthi, “Kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngemizwa yakho kanye nemingcele yakho ebudlelwaneni ngokucacile nangokwethembeka. Bazise ukuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi kungani ungafuni ukuzibandakanya ocansini ngaleso sikhathi.”

Abanye abalingani bahlala bethule futhi bayakugwema ukukhuluma becabanga ukuthi bazokwahlulelwa noma ngenxa yokwesaba ukusabela okweqisayo. Uma unokukhathazeka kwangempela ngalokhu, kungaba ukuhlakanipha ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kuqala. Ukuzama ukugwema ucansi kuzokwenza isimo sibe sibi kakhulu.

2. Bonisa ukwazisa

Nakuba ungase ungafuni ukuzibandakanya ocansini, kubalulekile ukubonisa ukwazisa ngezenzo zomlingani wakho. Mbonge ngentshisekelo yakhe futhi umtshele ukuthi usamhlonipha futhi usabathanda. Ucwaningo lusikisela ukuthi lolu hlobo 'lokwenqatshwa okuqinisekisayo' luyindlela engcono kakhulu yokwanelisa ubuhlobo yize ukwaneliseka ngokocansi kungase kuthathe isikhathi esifushane. Ukuziphatha kokwenqatshwa ngokocansi kungenza noma kubhidlize ubudlelwano bothando.

3. Nikeza enye indlela

UNiyatii uthi, “Uma ungenaso isimo sengqondo sokwenza ucansi, phakamisa enye indlela yokuxhumana nomlingani wakho bese usebenzisa amandla okuthintana ngokomzimba ukuze nizizwe nisondelene. Mhlawumbe ningagonana noma nibukele i-movie ndawonye esikhundleni salokho.” Lokhu kukhombisa umlingani wakho ukuthi yize ungenaso isimo sengqondo socansi, usafuna ukuba naye futhi uzimisele ukuzama ezinye izinhlobo zothando ngokomzimba. Zama ukumtshela ukuthi isikhathi sokusondelana nawe asihlali sihilela ucansi.

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4. Misa imingcele (ifaka ukuphindaphinda)

Uma kuziwa ebudlelwaneni bocansi, kunzima ukweqisa ukubaluleka kwemingcele. Kulokhu, u-Niyatii uthi, "Kubalulekile ukuhlonipha imingcele yakho kanye nemingcele yomlingani wakho. Uma ungakhululekile ngokuthile, bazise, ​​futhi ungesabi ukwenqaba." Uma uzizwa uvikelekile, funa usizo lochwepheshe ekusingatheni isimo.

5. Phinda uvakashele ingxoxo

Ngemva kokwenqaba ukushelwa ngokocansi, kubalulekile ukuphinda uxoxe nomlingani wakho. Xoxani ngemizwa yenu nemingcele yenu, bese nisebenzisana ukuthola ukuthi ningaxhumana kanjani nomlingani wakho ngokocansi futhi nanelise izidingo zomunye nomunye ngendlela enempilo nenenhlonipho. Le ngxoxo ingasiza kakhulu ekucaciseni izinhloso zokuziphatha kwenu kokwenqaba ngokocansi.

Ukwenqatshelwa ucansi akuzwakali kumnandi kodwa kungazulazula ngokucophelela nokuqonda ukuze uthole ukwaneliseka okukhulu kobudlelwane. Uma ubhekene nokwenqatshwa kocansi ebuhlotsheni bakho, khumbula ukuthi ukungaxhumani ngokocansi nomlingani wakho akuyona ukuphela kwezwe futhi akuyona ukuphela kwendlela ongabopha ngayo nabo.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.