Uke waba nokungezwani nomuntu wakho futhi awazi ukuthi usakuthanda yini ngemva kokulwa? Sekuvele ingxabano evuthayo futhi manje awusakwazi ukumthinta noma ukuqonda ukuthi yini egijima ekhanda lakhe. Ngisho noma kungase kubonakale kukukhathaza njengamanje, ukungathintani ngemva kwengxabano kuvame kakhulu.
Kumelwe ukuba ugcwele imibuzo efana nokuthi “Ngingakhuluma kanjani naye ngokulwa njengoba enganginaki?” noma “Isoka lami liyanginaki ngenzenjani?” Nokho, silapha ukuzokusiza ukuthi uthole umnyombo wako. Ake sithole okwengeziwe ngokuthi kungani indoda ingakunaki ngemva kwengxabano.
'Isoka Lami Liyangiziba Ngemva Kwempi': Izizathu Ezingenzeka Ezingu-9
Okuqukethwe
Uma usuqaphela ukuthi sekudlule isikhathi esanele selokhu naxabana nobabili futhi isoka lakho lisakunaka, kufanele uhlaziye isimo ngokucophelela. Ungase uzibuze nokuthi akakunaki ngenxa yomunye umuntu, kodwa lokho akufanele kube njalo ngokuvamile. Ukuqonda isizathu sokuziphatha kwakhe kanye nomqondo wakhe ngomthetho wokungathintani ngemva kwengxabano kuzokunikeza nombono ongcono wokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nesimo futhi ulungise ubuhlobo bakho naye. Nazi ezinye zezizathu ezenza umuntu akushaye indiva ngemva kwengxabano:
1. Uxakeke ngokuphelele ngezinye izibopho
Mhlawumbe akuwena, nguye. Ukuqonda isikhathi sokulwa kanye nokuthula kubalulekile . Kungenzeka ukuthi ukulwa kwenu okukhulu kuhambisane nesikhathi esibekiwe somsebenzi noma ukuzibophezela komndeni futhi indoda yakho ayinaso isikhathi sokuchitha amahora amaningi ikuthumelela imiyalezo noma ikhuluma nawe ukuze kuxazululwe ukuxabana kwenu. Ezinye zezizathu ezingaba khona kungaba:
- Umatasatasa: Uma eyekile ukukhuluma ngemva kokulwa, angase abe nezibopho ezicindezela kakhulu okufanele azinakekele
- Ufuna ukuxazulula ezinye izinto kuqala: Wonke amahlaya eceleni, kungenzeka ukuthi uzama nje ukubamba izibopho zomsebenzi ezibalulekile ukuze abuyele ekuthumeleni umbhalo/ekushayele ucingo ngomqondo ocacile nakuba kungase kubonakale njengezimpawu ezixubile.
- Ufuna ukukunikeza umzamo owufanele: Kudinga umzamo omkhulu ukuxazulula ukulwa, futhi kungenzeka ukuthi akafuni ukukwenza ngokuhlambalaza.
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2. Udinga isikhathi sokuzindla nokubheka isimo samanje
Ngemva kwengxabano, kusobala ukuthi nobabili nizothukuthelelana futhi izinto zingase ziphenduke kabi uma ningaqapheli. Kulesi simo, ukuze ugweme ububi obuhambisana nokulwa phakathi kwemibhangqwana, umyeni wakho noma isoka lakho lingacabanga ukuthi kubalulekile ukukushalazela ukuze wehlise intukuthelo futhi uqonde kangcono izimo zamanje. Cabanga njengomthetho we- psychology yabesilisa lapho bekushaya indiva.
U-Tom wase-Ohio wasibhalela wakhuluma ngesikhathi intombi yakhe imqambela amanga mayelana nesimo esiphuthumayo somndeni futhi waya e-bar-hopping nabangane bakhe ukuze agweme ukuchitha isikhathi naye. Kulokhu, umfana wahoxa ngokuphelele futhi wayeka ukuxhumana naye. Akukhona ukuthi wayefuna ukumlahla, kodwa ngenxa yokuthi wayethukuthele kakhulu ukuthi angazulazula engxoxweni ngendlela enempilo.
3. Wenze okuthile okumcasulayo
Uma ukukhathazeka ngokuthi “Isoka lami liyangishaya indiva, ngenzenjani?” kukukhathaza, zibuze ukuthi yini oyenzile ngaphambili ebingaholela kulokhu. Ukulwa akumnandi neze kodwa ingabe weqa umngcele ngokungazi? Lokhu kungafaka:
- Ukusebenzisa ulimi olulimazayo/ukuhlasela umuntu siqu
- Ukuveza isihloko azwela kakhulu ngaso
- Ukusebenzisa ithuba lobuthakathaka/ukwesaba kwakhe
- Ukuhlekisa ngemizwa yakhe
- Ukubonisa ulaka olungokomzimba
- Ukuba nolaka okungenamsebenzi
Udinga ukuthatha igxathu ubuye ucabange ngezinto ozishilo nozenzile ngesikhathi sempikiswano, futhi uxolise uma kwenzeka weqa umugqa.
Mhlawumbe, ezinye izinkinga ezivamile zobudlelwano bezivele zikhula phakathi kwenu nobabili, noma nisho into ebuhlungu ngokungazi noma eniziphathe ngendlela ebangele leyo nkinga. Uma kunjalo, ninenkinga enkulu okufanele niyixazulule kunengxabano nje kuphela.
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4. Mhlawumbe akanalwazi ngalesi simo
Mhlawumbe akazange ayiqonde inkinga kwasekuqaleni. Lesi yisizathu esikhulu esinikezwa amadoda uma umuntu ephenya ukuthi kungani engazihlanganisi ngemuva kwengxabano nentombi. Abesifazane bavame ukulalelisisa futhi bazwele ezindabeni, futhi kungenzeka ukuthi indoda yakho ayizange ibone ubucayi bokulwa. Noma angase angazi ukuthi enzeni noma angasisingatha kanjani isimo esinjalo futhi ngenxa yalokho ukhetha ukusigwema ngokuphelele ngethemba lokuthi sizozixazulula ngokwaso. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ungazama:
- Ngokucabangela uhlobo lobuntu bakhe: Ingabe unayo indlela yokunamathisela yokugwema ukulahla? Lokhu kungase kube ifulegi elibomvu
- Ukuthatha izintambo: Njengoba udaba lungeke luzixazulule ngokwalo, uzodinga ukuthi ushaye umqondo kumuntu wakho, kulapho-ke amasu amahle okuxhumana eqala khona ukusebenza.
- Ukugomela: Siyazi ukuthi lokhu kunzima ngenkathi ekushaya indiva futhi enqaba ukukhuluma nawe ngokuqondile. Ngakho-ke, mnike isikhala azibelethele sona, kodwa qiniseka ukuthi uyamazisa leyo akuyona indlela yokubhekana nanoma yiziphi izinkinga.
Kwazi bani, uma ungaphandle uthi “Sixabene futhi uyangiziba”, angase angaboni nokuthi nixabene kanzima. Yebo, lokhu kuzwakala kuyinqaba, kodwa kwenzeka kaningi kunalokho ocabanga ngakho.
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5. Ukwesaba okucashile kokukwenza kubi nakakhulu
Lapho umfana engakunaki ngemva kwengxabano noma ngisho enquma ukwenza ubuhlobo bezinsuku ezingu-3 buhlukane ngokungakwazi ukufinyelela kuwe, angase esabe ukwenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu kunalokho eseziyikho kakade. Ngakho, amathuba:
- Uyesaba: Angase angabi ozethemba kakhulu kwezakhe ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana amakhono, futhi ngethemba lokugwema ukuvinjwa kuyo yonke inkundla eyake yaba khona, uzama ukukunikeza isikhathi sokuphola ngaphambi kokuba akuthumelele umbhalo
- Akakwazi ukuxhumana: Ngakho-ke, kuyacaca ukuthi uyakuthanda futhi uyakufuna, kodwa akakhulumi ngokuphumelelayo
- Udinga isikhathi sokuzindla: Isizathu sakhe salokhu kungase futhi kube ukuthi udaba luzoxazululwa kuphela uma nobabili ninesikhathi esanele sokucabanga futhi ningakwazi ukuhlala phansi niyimbumba niyixoxe uma nje ninethezekile.
- Wesaba ukulahlekelwa nguwe: Angase futhi esabe ukulahlekelwa uwena ngokukhuluma izinto ezilimazayo engahlosile, futhi lokhu kungase kube isizathu esenza ubengafinyeleli. Sithembe uma sikutshela, isikhathi nendawo kuyayixazulula yonke into ngemva kwesikhashana. Lena indlela yakhe yokugwema ukungqubuzana
6. Izinkinga/ukungaqondi kubonakala kuyinto encane kuye
Kungenzeka futhi ukuthi akayiboni le mpikiswano ngendlela efanayo nawe. Kuwe, kungase kusho ukuphela komhlaba, futhi kuye, akunandaba kangako. Mhlawumbe ucabanga ukuthi kungcono ukugcina izinto ezincane kangaka zinganakwa okwamanje.
Ngokuvamile, lokhu kwenzeka ngoba amadoda avame ukungakunaki ukubaluleka kwezinto ezincane ebudlelwaneni. Lokho okwakubonakala kuyisenzo sokungahloniphi ngokuphelele kungenzeka ukuthi kwakuvele kubonakale njengosuku oluvamile ehhovisi kuye. Esimweni esinjalo, udinga ukuxhumana kangcono nomlingani wakho futhi uveze imizwa yakho.
7. Ulindele ukuthi uxolise
Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokuhlala phansi uqonde ukuthi kwenzekani. Ingabe unephutha lapha?
Amanye amadoda angaba nenkani ngaleyo ndlela, futhi akuyona into embi ngempela. Angase akuxoshe ngoba efuna uxolise futhi uqaphele iphutha lakho. Lona nguye ohlala eqinile, ezama ukukutshela ukuthi akanakuphathwa kabi futhi ufuna wena umlungisele.
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8. Imingcele yokuhlola
Ngezinye izikhathi, amadoda alimale ngempela kangangokuthi azokwehliswa kuphela uma unikeza imizamo yakho engcono kakhulu ukubenza bazizwe bethandwa futhi. Ngakho-ke, bangase bahlole imingcele ukuze babone nje ukuthi uzohamba ibanga elingakanani ukuze ufinyelele kubo. Nanka amanye amathuba:
- Angase alinde ukuthi wenze umnyakazo: Uma engakunaki, kungenzeka ukuthi ulinde wena ukuthi umbonise uthando lwakho. Uma ungamtsheli lutho, kuba kubi kakhulu
- Uhlola ukuthi kukuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi ubuye: Kungenzeka ukuthi empeleni uhlola ukuthi ungaba isikhathi esingakanani ngaphandle kwakhe nokuthi kukuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi ubuye futhi ulibone iphutha lakho.
- Usebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukucabanga ngokuhlakanipha: Lapho edonsa isandla sakho imingcele yemizwa ngale ndlela, ungagxili kakhulu kodwa ubekezele. Zindlani ngengxabano evuthayo enanayo nobabili nokuthi yini okungenzeka yamlimaza. Kwesinye isikhathi, kuyafaneleka ukuba umuntu omkhulu ebudlelwaneni ukuze nobabili niphume osizini lwenu
9. Ucabanga ikhefu kuwe
Le mpendulo engaba khona embuzweni wakho oshisayo, “Kungani isoka lami linganginaki?”, izoba nzima ukuyibekezelela. Kungase kudingeke wamukele ukuthi usufike eqophelweni lokuphuka kobudlelwano benu . Kungenzeka ukuthi unemizwa exubile ngawe manje. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uyakuthanda futhi uyakukhathalela, kodwa ngakolunye uhlangothi, akakwazi ukuyeka iqiniso lokuthi unezinkinga eziningi kakhulu noma ukungaqondani.
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Ngiyazi ukuthi kuyethusa uma ethula ngemva kwengxabano, kodwa udinga ukubhekana nesimo ngobuhlakani futhi uqinisekise ukuthi awugcini nje ngokunciphisa ingxabano kodwa futhi ulondoloza ukusondelana ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni benu . Yonke impi inamandla okuhlanganisa umbhangqwana. Ngezansi kunezeluleko ezithile ongazisebenzisa ezimweni ezinjengalezi:
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1. Iba nengxoxo eqotho naye
Yiba nesu lokumnika isikhathi sokucabanga ngezinto. Uma uzizwa sengathi nobabili nisesikhundleni esifanele futhi nizimisele ukuxoxa ngalesi simo njengabantu abadala asebekhulile, qala ingxoxo eqotho.
- Ungaqala ngokumazisa ukuthi yini ofisa sengathi ngabe uyenzile ngendlela ehlukile empini
- Ungabe usumtshela ukuthi izenzo zakhe zikulimaze kanjani, esikhundleni sokuba umsole noma ukugxeka
- Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi akakwenzi isikhathi sokukufonela ngevidiyo, ungamtshela ukuthi uzizwa sengathi awubalulekile kuye uma ekhohlwa ukukufonela.
2. Yamukela iphutha lakho futhi uxolise, uma kunesidingo
Hlaziya isimo bese uzama ukuthola ukuthi yini ongase uyenze kabi. Akukho namahloni ukwamukela iphutha lakho nokuxolisa ngalo . Lokhu kuzokwenza umlingani wakho azise ukuvuthwa kwakho nokwethembeka kwakho futhi kuzovimbela ukwenzeka komdlalo wokusolana onobuthi.
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3. Zama ukuvuselela uthando ngezinsuku nokuphuma
Awudingi njalo umqeqeshi wobudlelwano ukuze akusize ubhekane nezinkinga ezinzima. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukuhlanganyela ibhodlela lewayini ekhaya ndawonye kungasiza! Ngezinye izikhathi kubalulekile ukudala izinkumbulo ezintsha ezijabulisayo ukuze ukhohlwe ezimbi ezindala.
- Funa izindlela zokuhlela amadethi nokuvakasha ndawonye nomfana wakho ukuze nikhohlwe ngokulwa okwedlule futhi nijabulele ukuba ndawonye ngokugcwele
- Ukuvuselela inhlansi nokufaka izinto ezinongwe kuzosusa ingqondo yakho empini kanye nobuhlungu obubangelwa yiyo
- Qalani umsebenzi omusha ndawonye ukuze nithole uhlangothi olusha komunye nomunye. Mthatheni ayodlala ibhola lokudlala ibhola noma ibhola lokupenda.
Ukuchitha isikhathi esihle nomunye nomunye yikona kuphela okuzogcina ubudlelwano buqhubeka nalezi zikhathi zovivinyo.
4. Yenza izinto azithandayo
Sekuyisikhathi sokuthi uphendule kuye. Umenzele izinto ezizomjabulisa nezizokusiza nobabili nikhohlwe ngokulwa. Ungazama okulandelayo:
- Ukupheka ukudla akuthandayo
- Ukuthenga ingubo yakhe ayithandayo
- Ukugqoka, ikakhulukazi kuye
Lokhu kuzomenza abone ukuthi wenza umzamo wokulungisa ubudlelwano benu. Lena impendulo yokuthi “Wenzani uma isoka lakho likuziba?”
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5. Mkhombise ukubaluleka anakho empilweni yakho
Ukubonisa uthando lwakho nokubonisa uthando njalo ngaphandle kokuzibamba kuzombonisa ukuthi uyinto eza kuqala. Ekugcineni, kuzoncibilikisa inhliziyo yakhe. Uzoqaphela ukuthi ubelokhu ekuziba, wena muntu obaluleke kakhulu empilweni yakhe, futhi uzobhekana nawe ngqo ukuze axazulule inkinga.
6. Zama umthetho wezinsuku ezi-3
Uma kubonakala sengathi kuyinkinga enkulu engenakuxazululwa ngokuqomisana nje, singakweluleka ukuthi uthathe isikhathi ningabi ndawonye. Zama ikhefu lobudlelwano lezinsuku ezintathu. Manje, leli khefu akusho ukuthi unephasi yamahhala yokunganaki ubudlelwano bakho bese wenza noma yini oyifunayo. Inhloso lapha iphambene nalokho futhi ihlobene nokufaka umzamo ofanele ebudlelwaneni.
Cishe awukaqiniseki futhi uzibuza ukuthi, “Uyini umthetho wezinsuku ezintathu ngemva kwempikiswano?” Nansi-ke. Lo mthetho ubhekisela ekuhoxeni ebuhlotsheni nasekulweni bese uchitha leso sikhathi kuwe. Sebenzisa lokhu ukuze:
- Sebenza ezintweni ozithandayo
- Work
- Thulula isifuba sakho kubangani bakho nomndeni wakho
- Thola ezinye izindlela ezinempilo zokuthola imizwa yakho
Inhloso evamile lapha ukuthola isikhathi nokusebenzisa imizamo ekuxazululeni impi kanye nobudlelwano.
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7. Mthumelele iphakethe lokunakekela
Uzibuza ukuthi wenzeni uma isoka lakho elikude lingakunaki? Mbonise ukuthi yize nina nobabili ningakhulumi, niyaqhubeka nokumkhathalela futhi nimthanda kakhulu.
Sekuphele isonto ngemuva kokulwa futhi akakafiki? Uma kunjalo, i-FedEx iphakheji yokunakekelwa endlini yakhe enezinto eziningi zokuzinakekela! Izipho zakho zobudlelwano obude zingafaka:
- Amabhontshisi wekhofi
- I-coaster entsha
- Omagazini abathile abajabulisayo
- Nezinye izinto azithandayo
Angase athukuthele njengamanje kodwa uzowuveza kahle umyalezo wakho.
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8. Setha ucingo nomqeqeshi wobudlelwano
Uma le nkinga ivame ukuvela noma nobabili ninenkinga yokuxazulula izingxabano, ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana kungase kube yinto ekufanele. Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokuthatha usizo lwangaphandle lobudlelwano benu.
Mhlawumbe nina nobabili nisesigabeni lapho nidinga khona isiqondiso esincane futhi anikakwazi ukulungisa izinto. Ebudlelwaneni obude, ikakhulukazi, kungaba usizo ukuletha uchwepheshe ozoniqondisa kulesi sigaba esingase siphuke sobudlelwano benu. Ngenhlanhla, izinsizakalo zokwelulekwa zeBonobology ziseduze nje ngokuchofoza nje!
9. Ungamphushi
Ukuze ususe leyo mizwa engcolile yokuthi “Isoka lami liyangishaya indiva, ngizilungisa kanjani izinto?”, cabanga ukuthi mhlawumbe kungaba ngcono uma umane uhlehlise isikhashana bese uzama ukukhulisa isikhala ebudlelwaneni bakho . Uma muva nje, ebelokhu enomusa futhi engathandi ukukhuluma nawe noma ukulungisa izinto, akukuhle ukuthi uchithe ihora ngalinye losuku lwakho uzibuza ngaye. Kodwa ungamphindiseli futhi gcina umzila wokuxhumana uvulekile. Kodwa ungamhluphi ngemiyalezo noma ama-meme lapho evala umnyango ebusweni bakho. Kungaba ngcono ukulinda isikhashana.
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10. Gxila empilweni yakho
Uyabakhumbula bonke abangani bakho abaseduze abebefisa ukuphuma nawe bayophuza? Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokuxhumana nabanye abantu futhi ugcwalise isikhala sakho sokuxhumana nabantu, ukuze ungashiywa ucabanga kakhulu ngempi enkulu yokugcina nomlingani wakho eyakushiya uphukile. Mhlawumbe ukuvula ithuba kumuntu omusha nokuchitha isikhathi nabangani nakho kuzokunikeza umbono ohlukile wokuthi zonke lezi zinto zingasho ukuthini.
Futhi, hlanganyela kwezinye izinto ezingathuthukisa ukuzethemba kwakho. Zama ikilasi lokudansa elisha noma ubhalisele izifundo zokubhaka. Uyofika lapho ekwazi, kodwa awukwazi ukuqhubeka umlindile.
11 Ekugcineni, mnike isikhathi sokubuyela kuwe
Ngakho-ke uchithe amasonto ambalwa edlule wenza konke. Usufinyelele izikhawu eziyizigidi, wamnika isikhala sakhe, waze wamshaya indiva izinsuku ezimbalwa ukuze uhlole ukuthi uyabuya yini. Kodwa wenzani uma othile engakunaki ngisho nangemva kwaso sonke leso sikhathi nomzamo? Sekuyisikhathi sokumtshela ukuthi ayeke leli qhinga.
Nina nobabili nisesebudlelwaneni futhi unesibopho esithile kini. Yingakho, udinga ukumtshela ukuthi ungamnika elinye isonto noma ngaphezulu, bese kudingeka akhulume nawe futhi axazulule izinto. Uma engakwenzi lokho, kungase kudingeke ukuthi ucabange ngalokhu njengokuhlukana kokugcina. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iphutha lakho liyini, awukwazi ukubekezelela ukunganakwa kanje isikhathi eside kangaka. Ngakho-ke, mtshele ukuthi uzomthanda futhi uzomlinda, kodwa hhayi kuze kube phakade.
| Isizathu Sokungakunaki Ngemva Kwempi | Okufanele Ukwenze Ngakho (Impendulo Engathathwa Isinyathelo) |
| 1. Umatasa kakhulu ngezinye izibopho | Hlonipha isimiso sakhe; mnike isikhathi futhi uphakamise isikhathi sokuthula sokuphinde uxhumane. Qinisekisa isikhathi sokukhuluma ukuze angazizwa ecindezelekile. |
| 2. Udinga isikhathi sokuzindla nokubuka isimo | Vumela ithuba lokupholisa umoya, bese uthintana naye ngobumnene ngomyalezo wozwela omema ingxoxo kunokusola. |
| 3. Wenze into eyamcasula | Cabanga ngendima yakho; xolisa ngobuqotho uma kufanele bese umbuza ukuthi yini adinga ukuzizwa ezwiwa ngaphambi kokuxoxa kabanzi ngale ndaba. |
| 4. Akanalwazi ngesimo | Khuluma ngokucacile ukuthi ingxabano yayimayelana nani ngendlela engasoli muntu ukuze aqonde umbono wakho futhi akwazi ukuzibandakanya. |
| 5. Usaba ukwenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu | Vuma imizwa yakhe; mqinisekise ukuthi ufuna ingxoxo eyakhayo bese usikisela isikhathi lapho nobabili nizolile. |
| 6. Le ndaba ibonakala iyinto encane kuye | Chaza ukuthi kungani kubalulekile kuwe bese ucela umbono wakhe ngaphandle kokulahla umbono wakhe; thola iphuzu elifanayo ngokubaluleka. |
| 7. Ulindele ukuthi uxolise | Uma uqaphela indima yakho, xolisa ngokucabangela. Mcele ukuthi asho imizwa yakhe ukuze nikwazi ukuyixazulula ndawonye. |
| 8. Uhlola imingcele | Beka okulindelwe kahle kokuxhumana (isb., isikhathi sokuxhuma kabusha). Ungajahi; bonisa ukuvumelana nokuhlonipha isikhala nemingcele. |
| 9. Ucabanga ngokuhlukana nobudlelwano bakhe | Cela ukucaciseleka ngendlela enenhlonipho. Uma edinga isikhathi sokunquma, beka isikhathi esicacile sokucabanga bese nivumelana ngezinyathelo ezilandelayo. |
Isikhathi Sokucabangela Imingcele Noma Amafulegi Abomvu
Ukunganaki ngemva kokulwa kuyashintsha kusuka “ekudingeni isikhala” kuya ekubeni uphawu olubomvu lapho kuba yindlela ephindaphindwayo noma ende ethatha indawo yokuxhumana okunempilo. Ucwaningo lwezengqondo zobudlelwano lubonisa ukuthi ukuhoxa njalo kuqeda ukwethembana nokuphepha ngokomzwelo, ikakhulukazi lapho omunye umlingani eshiywe edidekile noma ekhathazekile.
Cabanga ngokubeka imingcele ecacile uma:
- Uyakushalazela izinsuku eziningi ngaphandle kwencazelo ngemva kwezingxabano
- Ukuxhumana kuqala kabusha kuphela uma esekulungele, ngaphandle kokuziphendulela
- Kulindeleke njalo ukuthi "ulinde" ngaphandle kokuqinisekiswa
- Imizamo yokuxoxa ngale ndaba iyachithwa, iyahlekwa, noma iyavalwa
- Le ndlela ikushiya uzizwa ukhathazekile, ungenamandla, noma ungaphephile ngokomzwelo
Umcwaningi wobudlelwano uJohn Gottman ukhomba ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo okungapheli, noma ukuvinjelwa, njengomunye “waBagibeli Bamahhashi Abane” ababikezela ukuwohloka kobudlelwano.
"Ukuqoshwa kwamatshe kwenzeka lapho omunye umlingani evala, ehoxa, noma eyeka ukuphendula ngesikhathi sengxabano, okushiya omunye ezizwa elahliwe futhi ekhungathekile."
— UJohn Gottman, i-Gottman Institute
Uma Ungazinaki Izimpawu Izinkinga Ezijulile
Ukungazinaki ngemva kokulwa kungabonisa izinkinga ezijulile ngokomzwelo noma zobudlelwano uma kusebenza njengokugwema, ukulawula, noma ukujezisa ngokomzwelo kunokuba ukuzithiba.
Ukungazinaki kungakhomba izinkinga ezijulile ezifana nalezi:
- Isitayela sokugwema ukunamathela: Ukungakhululeki ngokusondelana ngokomzwelo kanye nokungqubuzana
- Izinkinga zokulawula ngokomzwelo: Ukuvala ukuze ubalekele ukucindezeleka
- Ukuziphatha kobudlova: Ukusebenzisa ukuthula ukuze uthole amandla noma ukulawula.
- Ukwesaba ubuthakathaka: Ukugwema izingxoxo ezidinga ukuvezwa ngokomzwelo
- Amakhono aphansi okuxazulula izingxabano: Awekho amathuluzi afundiwe okusingatha izingxabano
"Amasu okubhekana nokugwema, njengokuhoxa noma ukuthula, ahlotshaniswa nokucindezeleka okukhulu kanye nemiphumela emibi yobudlelwano ngokuhamba kwesikhathi."
- I-American Psychological Association
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ngokuvamile kuvamile ukuba indoda ithathe amahora ambalwa ngosuku olulodwa noma ezimbili zesikhala ngemva kokulwa uma isiveze isidingo sokupholisa umoya. Abantu abaningi bayahoxa okwesikhashana ukuze balawule imizwa futhi bagweme ukusho into ebuhlungu. Kodwa-ke, ukungakunaki izinsuku eziningana ngaphandle kwencazelo kuvame ukusho ukuthi kufanele ugweme kunokuba kube yindawo enempilo.
Ukunganaki ngemva kwengxabano akusho ukuthi ufuna ukuqeda ubuhlobo ngokuzenzakalelayo. Ezimweni eziningi, kubonisa ukucindezelwa ngokomzwelo, ukugwema izingxabano, noma isidingo sesikhathi sokucubungula. Kodwa-ke, uma ukunganaki kuba njalo, kuthathe isikhathi eside, noma kuhambisana nokuqhelelana ngokomzwelo, kungase kubonise ukwehla kokutshalwa kwezimali noma inzondo engaxazululiwe.
Ukunganaki ngemva kokulwa kungaba yindlela yokuthula uma isetshenziswa ngamabomu ukujezisa, ukulawula, noma ukuvala ukuxhumana. Ukwelashwa buthule kuhlukile ekuthatheni isikhala ngoba akucaci, akuqinisekisi, noma isikhathi sokuxhumana kabusha. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukuhoxa isikhathi eside ebudlelwaneni kwandisa ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo nokungazethembi.
Uma indoda ingakunaki ngemva kwempikiswano ngayinye, kubalulekile ukubhekana ngqo nomkhuba kunokugxila ezimpini zomuntu ngamunye.
Veza ngokuthula ukuthi ukuthula kukuthinta kanjani futhi ubeke okulindelwe ngokusobala ekukhulumisaneni ngesikhathi sengxabano
Uma ukuziphatha kuqhubeka naphezu kwengxoxo, kungase kubonise amakhono aphansi okuxazulula izingxabano noma ukugwema ngokomzwelo
Ngaleso sikhathi, cabanga ngemingcele, ukwelulekwa, noma ukuhlola kabusha ukuhambisana ukuze uvikele inhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Kungenzeka ukuthi isoka lakho alikhulumisani ngemva kokuxabana ngoba licasuke kakhulu futhi liphatheke kabi futhi lifuna uxolise.
- Esikhundleni sokucabanga ukuthi “Kungani isoka lami lingiziba?”, xhumana nalo futhi ulibuze ukuthi kwenzakalani. Mnikeze isikhathi sokucabanga kuqala
- Zama ukuhlangana naye uma kungenzeka futhi umenze azizwe ekhululekile ngomzimba wakho namazwi esikhundleni sokumsola
- Uma engakakhulumi nawe, mtshele ukuthi uzolinda kuze kube isikhathi esithile futhi udinga ukuzama ukuxazulula le ngxabano ngosizo lomeluleki noma cha.
Imicabango Final
Ungadangali lapho ubona isoka/umyeni wakho ekushaya indiva ngemva kokuxabana. Kunalokho, khuthala futhi uzame ukukuxazulula ngempumelelo. Futhi qiniseka ukuthi uzinika isikhathi esanele sokucabanga ngokwenzekile, esikhundleni sokuba matasa ngemizwa yakhe. Ukungathintani ngemva kwezingxabano akuhlali kuyingozi njengoba ingqondo yakho ekhathazekile ikwenza kube njalo. Kungenzeka ukuthi uthatha isikhathi sakhe ukulwa nokucindezeleka anakho, futhi izinto zingase zibe ngcono maduze. Qhubeka nokulwa, uma ukholelwa ngempela ebudlelwaneni bakho!
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Mina no bf sike saxabana izolo manje akasafundi ama messages. Ngizomnika nje isikhala kodwa noma kunjalo ngikhathazekile ukuthi ngeke aphinde abuyele kimi. Ngiyabonga ngalesi sihloko.
Sawubona Marichu, Siyaqonda ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Ukumnika isikhala kuwumqondo omuhle. Uma udinga usizo sicela usithumelele i-imeyili ku- [email protected]
Kwazisa kakhulu lokhu.. kungenze ngabona ukuthi akuyona yonke into emayelana nemizwa yami. Abesilisa nabesifazane bakhiwe ngendlela ehlukile nezindatshana zayo ezinjengalezi ezisivumela ukuthi sikhumbule ukuthi sinezimpendulo nezidingo ezahlukene. Ngiyabonga x
Sawubona Cassie, Sijabula ngempela ngokuthi lesi sihloko sikusize!
Sawubona Cassie, Sijabula kakhulu ngokuthi uthole lesi sihloko siwusizo!
Hhayi-ke, ukungaziba umuntu kuwukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Kunalokho asivele sinakekele umhlukumezi. Smdh