E Pēhea te Nui o tō Aroha?: Ngā Wahine Rahi Nui me ngā Hononga

Momomona. Taumaha. Taumaha rawa. Momona. Nui. Momona. Pōrore. Momona. Nui. Ataahua.

Me pēhea te whakanui ake i te whakapono ki a koe anō mā te tinana pai i roto i te whakaipoipo

Ina pāngia koe e ēnei āhuatanga, ka kite koe ehara i te mea ko te katoa anake ka kōrero mō tō tinana i ngā wā katoa - engari ko te maha o ngā kupu e whakamahia ana hei whakaahua i tō tinana he rite tonu ki te pai o ō kare ā-roto mōna.

Ahakoa he take ataahua, he take hauora, he take pāpori rānei, kāore koe e whakaaetia kia pai tō āhua ahakoa te rahi o tō tinana. Ā, ina tae ki te aroha, ki te aroha rānei – āe, ka nui haere te maha o ngā huarahi e whakama ai te tangata i a koe.

I kōrero mātou ki ētahi wāhine rahi-rahi e rua, a Priti Singh, 34 tau te pakeke, nō Bangalore, rāua ko Anisha Godbole, 32 tau te pakeke, nō Mumbai, mō ō rāua oranga aroha, me ō rāua oranga moepuku, he tino rerekē ngā mea e rua. I tēnei wā e whakamahia whānuitia ana ngā rahi nui, engari e aro nui ana te hunga pāpāho me te hapori ki ngā rahi iti, he whānui ake te āputa i roto i ō tātou mahunga i waenga i te ao tūturu me te āhua o te tinana i tā ngā kairīti hope e whakahē ana.

Āhea koe ka mōhio ai he āhua motuhake tōu? Kāore rānei, he rerekē koe? Ka mōhio wawe ētahi, ka mōhio ā muri ake ētahi. Engari mō te hunga momona, ko te rerekētanga he mea akiaki koe ki tēnei mōhiotanga. E kī ana a Priti rāua ko Anisha he rahi nui rāua, nā te mea i kī tonu ētahi i a rāua pēnei.

Ahakoa e kiia ana he 'hauora', ā, e mōhio ana ehara tēnā i te tikanga he hauora pai, e kīia whānuitia ana rānei me kikokore ngā kōtiro, i mōhio wawe ngā wāhine tokorua he rerekē rāua.

Ka tāpiri atu a Priti, "Kua tino werohia ki roto i tōku hinengaro inaianei, kāore au e mōhio ki te rerekētanga." He rite ki tētahi poropititanga e tutuki ana i a au anō, ina whakaarohia.

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Ahakoa he pānga nui tōu nui ki te whakapono ki a koe anō i ngā āhuatanga katoa, mai i te kākahu ki te karo i te tūtaki ki ngā whanaunga kino, ko te wā ka tae tātou ki ngā whanaungatanga aroha ka pōhēhē ngā mea. Ka kata a Priti, "He aha ngā whanaungatanga aroha? Haha, he pono, kāore rawa i taea e au te whakaaro ki te uru atu ki tētahi whanaungatanga aroha tae noa ki te ngaronga o tōku taumaha. Kāore i a au te maia ki te whai i tētahi atu, he mārama kāore hoki tētahi i whai i ahau." He tīmatanga atawhai ake a Anisha. "He tomboy ahau, ā, kāore au i aro nui ki tētahi tae noa ki te 23 o ōku tau. I te wā i tupu ai, he hoa te tāne. Ā, i tino pai ahau ki a ia, nō reira kāore tōku taumaha, tōku āhua rānei i te raruraru."

He roa, he ātaahua, he mātātoa te hoa tāne tuatahi a Priti. I tīmata tana whakaipoipo i muri i tana whakaiti i tōna taumaha. Ā, i whakamōhio tonu ia i a ia ki te take i noho tahi ai ia me ia. "Ka pēhi tonu ia i ahau kia mau tonu taku whakaiti i tōku taumaha, kia whakaitihia anō hoki. He marama te ahotea, nā te tangata e ngana ana ki te whakahaere i ahau i ngā huarahi katoa, kia āhua rite ai ahau." Kāore i te ahotea ngā whanaungatanga o Anisha – engari i aro nui ki te whakaiti i te taumaha. "I roto i ngā whanaungatanga torutoru kua noho ahau, he tino tautoko ngā tāne. I kōrero rātou mō ngā momo oranga hauora me te whakakorikori tinana, ā, i tuku mai kia whakakorikori tinana tahi mai i te kitenga kāore e taea e au te mahi auau, ā, e kino ana ahau ki te whakakorikori tinana."

Nā tēnei ka ara ake te tautohe kāore e taea e te hunga momona te noho pakari, te noho hauora rānei – ehara tēnei i te mea pono, ā, kua whakahēngia e te pūtaiao te whakapae he hauora tonu te hunga kikokore.

He tini ngā whārangi e pā ana ki a BBW – Big Beautiful Women, i roto i ngā mahi pūrākau. E whakaatu tonu ana ngā peita me ngā whakairo i ngā wāhine whakahihiri, me te whānui o te kikokiko. Heoi anō, i te ao tūturu, ka whakama tātou mō te āhua tahanga o tātou, inā koa he momona tātou.

He mea nui te whakapono ki a koe anō, he mea nui rawa atu tēnei mō te huarahi e whakatata atu ai ngā wāhine ki te taatai. Ki te whakapono koe he ātaahua koe, ā, ki te whakaaro koe he ātaahua koe, ka nui ake tō hiahia ki te tuku i tētahi kia tūhura i tō tinana, me te tinana o tētahi atu.

I te 23 me te 25 tau te pakeke o Priti rāua ko Anisha, i pai te tūtakitanga tuatahi o rāua ki ngā tāne. Ahakoa kei roto rāua i ngā whanaungatanga ki ngā tāne i piri tahi rāua, he iti tonu te maia o rāua. E mahara ana a Anisha, "I mataku ahau kei te noho ko te wā tuatahi hei wā whakamutunga. He maha ngā kakahu pango e mau ana ahau, me ngā kākahu e whakapaipai ana i tōku tinana. Ki te kore ēnei, ka kitea katoatia ōku ngoikoretanga. Me pēhea mēnā kāore ia e pai ki tāna e kite nei?" Ko ngā āhuatanga uaua o Priti he haere tonu mai i tōna tamarikitanga - "Kāore koe e ātaahua ki a koe anō; ā, kāore koe e ātaahua ki ngā tāne. Ahakoa kei te whakaipoipo koe i a rātou, ka miharo koe he aha rātou i noho tahi ai me koe."

I ēnei rā, kua moe tāne a Priti rāua ko Anisha. I whakaritea te marena a Priti ki tētahi tāne nō tōna hapori, ā, nā ngā hoa noa i whiwhi ai a Anisha i tana tāne. He nui ake tō rāua haumaru, tō rāua māia ki te ao, ki ō rāua whanaungatanga me ō rāua tinana – ā, e mihi ana rāua ki ngā tāne rerekē i moea e rāua mō ēnei mea katoa.

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E kī ana a Priti, "He rerekē rawa taku whanaungatanga ki taku tāne i ngā mea katoa i pā ki ahau i mua. Kāore he pēhanga mai i a ia, mō tōku taumaha. Ko tāku whiringa he whakakori tinana, kāore rānei. Kua tino whakapai ake i tōku whakapono ki ahau anō, ā, kāore au e manukanuka ana mō tōku taumaha i te aroaro o te marea. Ki taku whakaaro me whakaiti e au ētahi mō te hauora, engari kaua ki tētahi atu mea. Ā, kua māmā ake inaianei – i oma ahau i tētahi marathon i ngā tau e rua ki muri, ā, he tino pai tōku wairua!"

Ka hamama a Anisha, "E kī ana taku tāne he ātaahua, he ātaahua hoki ahau, inā koa i te moenga – ka meinga ahau kia hiahia, ā, ka āwhina i ahau kia noho ko au tonu. He rite tonu māua i te hinengaro, ā, i te wā i whakatau ai māua ki te marena, i kōrero pono māua mō te taumaha rawa (he paku nui ia) me te herea ki ētahi tūranga – ā, i tino pai māua! He kare ā-roto whakamiharo – te whakaaetia e tetahi – ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakaae ki a koe anō."

Ā, me pēhea ngā whakahe a ngā hungawai me ngā whānau whānui? Ka tipu ake ngā wāhine me ō rātou whanaunga e kōrero tonu ana mō ō rātou taumaha. He aha te mea ka tupu ina marena koe i tētahi whenua e rongonui ana mō te mana rangatira me ngā paerewa takirua?

Ka tāpiri atu a Priti, "I mua ake nei, i puta ētahi kōrero – he kata whakahihi, me te mārama. Engari i tumanako ahau he kino rawa atu. I muri i te marena, me te tautoko a taku hoa, kāore au e aro ki ngā kōrero a te tangata. I mua ake nei, he tino pukumahi ahau, ā, kāore e ngāwari te whakapuaki i ōku whakaaro."

He iti ake te manaaki a ngā hungawai o Anisha. "I ia wā ka tūtaki ahau ki a rātou, ka tirotirohia ahau mai i te mahunga ki te waewae. I whakaae mai taku hungawai ki ahau, i tētahi wā kāore i te āta whakaarohia, i pātaihia rātou e te tangata mō tā rātou 'moti bahu'. I muri i ngā tau e rua e noho ana hei tamāhine māna, me te hanga i a ia hei kuia o te tama tino ātaahua, kua rerekē tōna waiaro. Ināianei, kei te harikoa ia ina kawea mai e tētahi o te whānau he bahu 'kino', 'kāore rānei i te tino pai' e ai ki āna paerewa mō te ataahua."

E kī ana a Priti, "Kua taupokina tōku ao e te momona ake ake. Tae noa ki tēnei wā, ahakoa te kore o te pēhanga mai i tētahi e tata ana ki ahau, e whakaaro ana ahau he iti noa iho tōku tuakiri nā tēnei āhuatanga kotahi. Ki taku whakaaro me i nui ake te māia o tōku tamarikitanga, ā, kāore i ki tonu i te whakama, kua rite ahau ki tētahi atu tangata. Ka kite ahau i ētahi tirohanga o tōku ake pūmanawa, i ētahi wā, ā, e hiahia ana ahau kia pērā ahau."

Ngā rua o Anisha. "I taku tūtakitanga ki taku tāne, he maha āna mihi ki ahau, me te kī mai 'he ātaahua koe', me ērā atu mea. He mea rerekē ki ōku taringa; i mahara ahau kei te ngana noa ia ki te whakawai i ahau. Engari kei te haere tonu tēnā - ā, e whakapono ana ahau... i ētahi wā inaianei," ka kata ia.

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Thoughts Final

He kōrero whakamiharo a Priti rāua ko Anisha – kāore ētahi atu wāhine i kōrero mātou i hiahia kia uiuitia, ko tētahi i whakaae kei te whakahēngia ia e ōna hungawai mō tōna momona i ia rā. Ko tētahi i kī kua memeha haere tōna oranga moepuku i muri i te whānautanga o tētahi tamaiti – i kī tana tāne kāore ia i te ātaahua ki a ia. Nā ngā kōrero i rongohia e mātou i whakaaro ai mātou – he aha te mea ka tupu mēnā he momona ngā tāne? Kei konei ā mātou kaitohutohu aroha hei āwhina i a koe ki te hanga i te maia, ki te wikitoria i ngā āwangawanga, me te poipoi i ngā whanaungatanga hauora.

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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