18 Ngā Tohu Ngāwari Kua Mutu Tō Hononga Moe

I roto i te whanaungatanga roa, ka noho humarie te tangata tetahi ki tetahi. Ka aro atu kōrua ki ngā āhuatanga whakarihariha o tetahi ki tetahi, ā, kua ako pea kōrua ki te wareware i ā rāua whanonga kino e kore e taea e koe te whakakore. Heoi, nā taua whakamarie ka uaua ki te kite i ngā tohu kua mutu te whanaungatanga. 

Ina mate te mura o te aroha, ka whakapae koe i te roa o te whanaungatanga. Ina mate ngā kōrero, tera pea ka whakaaro koe he hua noa iho tēnei o te mōhio ki ngā mea katoa mō tō hoa. Ahakoa ka tau te kore aro ki a koe, ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakaae kua mutu tō whanaungatanga. 

Ina hoki mai ngā tohu kua mutu tō whanaungatanga ki a koe, me titiro tika koe ki aua tohu. I mua i tō mahi i tēnā, me mōhio koe ki ngā mea e tika ana, me ngā mea kāore e tika ana. Mā te āwhina o ngā tohu kua whakarārangihia e mātou, ka taea e koe te whakautu i te pātai: "Me pēhea te mōhio kua mutu te whanaungatanga roa?"

18 Ngā Tohu Ngāwari Kua Mutu te Hononga

Ko te tohu tuatahi kua mutu tō kōrua whanaungatanga ko ēnei kupu pea: Kāore tāua i te rite tonu ki ngā tāngata o mua. Kāore rānei ko koe, ko au. Kāore tāua e hiahia ki te aro ki ngā tohu engari kei reira tonu.

Ka uaua pea ngā whanaungatanga. Ko te mea e noa ana mō tētahi tokorua, kāore pea i te noa mō kōrua (ka tohaina e Mathew rāua ko Jasmine ā rāua paraihe niho, kāore e taea e koe te whakaaro ka tohaina te wharepaku). Ko te mea ka raru mō tētahi, ehara i te raru mō tētahi, ā, ki te kī tētahi ka taea e rāua te "whawhai i roto i taua raruraru", ka kitea mārama e tētahi te paitini. 

I te nuinga o te wā, kei reira tonu ngā tohu kua mutu te whanaungatanga kia kitea e koe. Tērā pea he māmā noa iho pēnei i te meka kua mutu te kōrero tahi. Engari ina tae mai te whakamarie, ka whakakorea e koe ōna raruraru riri mā te kī atu ki a koe anō, "Koia tonu tōna āhua." Tērā pea ka whakakorea e koe ōna raruraru whakawhirinaki mā te whakaaro me "whakatau koe i tēnā". Ko ētahi ēnei ngā kōrero pono mō ngā whanaungatanga roa.

Ina nui haere te mamae o te whanaungatanga, ka pā kino pea ki tō hauora hinengaro (tinana rānei). Nō reira, ka taea e koe te rongo i te mutunga o te whanaungatanga? Mā te āwhina o ēnei tohu e whai ake nei, ka tino hiahia koe ki te rongo. Me titiro tātou ki ēnei tohu:

1. Ina rite te ahua o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki te mahi uaua, he tohu tēnei kua mutu tō kōrua hononga roa

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe, "Kua mutu taku whanaungatanga mō te wā roa?", koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tuatahi. Tērā pea kāore koe e noho ara ana i te pō katoa, e kōrero ana mō te take kāore a Matua Kerei e tango i ana kākahu mahi, te take rānei kāore ngā raruraru whānau i ngaro i a ia. I muri i ētahi tau, kāore e tika ana kia moe noa i te pō hei kōrero. 

Heoi, ina tīmata te ahua o te kōrero ki tō hoa he mahi uaua, ina kore koe e hiahia ki te whawhai nā te mea he koretake te āhua, me whakaae pea koe kua mutu tō kōrua hononga. 

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2. Kāore he whanaungatanga ā-hinengaro 

"Kei te kite ahau kāore ia e hiahia ana ki te kōrero whakahihiri ki ahau," te kōrero a Leah ki a mātou, e kōrero ana mō te āhua o tana hononga e iwa tau te roa e hinga ana i te ara. Ka tāpiri atu ia, "I kite ahau i ngā tohu kua mutu tana hononga i te wā kāore ia i kite i tetahi mea hei kōrero māku i tā māua "rā" tuatahi i muri i te 3 tau." 

"Ko tāna i kōrero ai ko ngā mea e tika ana kia whakatikahia i te whare, ngā mea i mahia e ia ki te papa tarutaru, me te hiahia kia whakatikahia te rūma o raro. I tēnei wā, kāre au e mahara ki te wā whakamutunga i kōrero māua ki a ia."

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui kua mutu te whanaungatanga ko te wā kāore e taea e kōrua te whakapuaki i ō kōrua kare ā-roto me ō kōrua hiahia tetahi ki tetahi, ā, ko te whakawhanaungatanga kare-a-roto ka mamae hei hua.

3. E ngenge ana koe 

Ka puta te ngenge nui i te ahotea roa e pā kino ana ki te hinengaro o te tangata. Ka puta te ngenge o te ngākau, ina pōuri koe, kāore he hihiri mō te heke mai, ā, ka hoha pea koe ki tō hoa ahakoa kāore ia i te piripono, i te hiahia rānei. 

Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga e whakaaro ana koe ka ea i roto i ētahi wiki torutoru e matara atu ana i tō hoa, engari ka hoki mai anō te āhua o te "mauhere" me te ngenge tonu nā tō hoa. Kei te ngenge koe i te whanaungatanga. Ā, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu whakatūpato kua mutu pea tō whanaungatanga.

4. Kei te whawhai tonu koe 

Ki te mea kua huri koe hei tokorua e whawhai ana i waenganui o te toa hokohoko i ia wā ka haere kōrua ki waho, ā, kāore e taea te whakatutuki i tētahi kaupapa whakaae, ehara i te mea e taea te wareware. Ka huri ia kōrero hei whawhai, ia rerekētanga whakaaro he... kaiwhakakore hononga, ā, ko ngā nganatanga katoa ki te tawai he whakaeke. 

Ki te mea kua āwangawanga koe mō te kōrero ki tō hoa i muri i ētahi haora e kore e tautohe, kei ara ake he pakanga, he tohu nui tēnā kua mutu te whanaungatanga. 

5. Ehara tō hoa rangatira i te tangata tuatahi ka waea atu koe i roto i tētahi āhuatanga ohorere, i tētahi whakanui rānei

Ina tīmata te whakaaro kua kore e whai pānga ō whakatutukitanga whaiaro ki tō whanaungatanga, he tohu tēnei kāore he whanaungatanga kare ā-roto. Ina puta he mea pōuri, ā, kāore tō hoa i te tangata hei waea atu māu i roto i te āhuatanga ohorere, he tohu tēnei kei te whakaaro koe kāore e taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki a ia. 

Kāore he aha ki te whakapuaki i ētahi kōrero ki tētahi atu hoa i te tuatahi mēnā he nui ake tōna mōhio ki te āhuatanga, he nui ake rānei ōna whakaaro mō taua hoa. Heoi, ki te mea kāore e tika ana kia whakapuakina ngā kōrero pai katoa, kua whakautua e koe te pātai: "Me pēhea te mōhio kua mutu te whanaungatanga roa?"

6. Kei te whakaaro koe ki tētahi atu 

he he te aroha ki tētahi i a koe e noho ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga he mea noa. Tērā pea ka whakama koe mō tēnā, engari ki te kore e whakahaere i tō oranga, e pā kino rānei ki tō whanaungatanga matua, ehara i te raruraru. 

Heoi, ina he matomato te āhua o te tarutaru, ā, ka hiahia koe ki te peke i te taiepa, he raruraru tēnā. Ki te kore e taea e koe te mutu te whakaaro ki tētahi hoa hou e arohaina ana e koe, ki tētahi atu rānei e hiahia ana koe ki a ia, me arotake anō pea koe i ō kare ā-roto. Ko te hiahia tonu ki te kōrero ki tētahi atu i runga i tō hoa, he tohu tēnei kua kore tō ngākau e aro ki te whanaungatanga. 

7. Kua puta ake ngā take whakawhirinaki

Ahakoa kua pāngia tonutia tō whanaungatanga e te koretake me ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki, i puta mai rānei i tētahi wā o te kore pono, te tinihanga rānei, take whakawhirinaki ka taea te whakangaro. Ka taea e te pātai tonu me te koretake o te whakaaro te whakangaro i te turanga o tō hononga. Ko ngā wā uaua e kore nei e mutu tetahi o ngā tohu whakatūpato.

Ka taea e koe te whakaaro kua tata te mutunga o te whanaungatanga? Ae, ka taea e koe, ina koa ka rite ki te mea kei te huna tonu tō hoa i tetahi mea i a koe, ka puranga ake, ā, ka mutu ka arahi ki te kore whakawhirinaki nui. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ka piki ake te riri, ehara i te aroha. 

8. Kāore koe e mōhio he aha te raruraru 

E mōhio ana kōrua kei te whawhai kōrua i ia rā, i ia rā. E kite ana kōrua i te āhua o tō kōrua wehenga. Engari ina tae ki te tātaritanga mate, kāore he kupu i roto i a kōrua. Kei te pōhēhē koe. Ki te whakaaro tētahi ko te raruraru nui ko te te kore korero ā, e whakapono ana tetahi ko te hae kei te whakakino i te whanaungatanga, e kore rawa e taea e kōrua te mahi tahi i te raruraru. 

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9. Kei roto koe i tēnei mea nā te mea kāore koe e hiahia kia noho takakau

Mō tētahi atu take o waho rānei. "Kāore e taea e mātou te mahi pēnā ki ngā tamariki" me "He nui te pumau o te pūtea" he mea pea ka kī atu koe ki a koe anō. Ina riro ngā āhuatanga o waho pēnei i ēnei hei take matua e whiriwhiri ai koe ki te noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui kua mutu tētahi whanaungatanga. 

Ae, kāore tetahi e hiahia ana kia nui te whakararuraru i tōna oranga whakamarie. Engari ki te mōhio koe mēnā ka nui ake tō harikoa i tō noho tahi me ia me te kore tō hoa, me whakaaro anō koe ki te hiranga o aua āhuatanga o waho. 

10. E rite ana tō hoa ki tētahi hoa noho 

Ahakoa tō whanonga i te taha o tētahi hoa noho, kua āhua māhaki noa iho tōu whakaute ki tō hoa. Kāore kōrua e piripono ana ki ngā kare ā-roto, kāore kōrua e whakapuaki i ō kōrua kare ā-roto pono, ā, kāore kōrua e tirotiro ana tetahi ki tetahi. Kua mutu rānei taku whanaungatanga roa mēnā he rite tonu taku hoa ki tētahi hoa? Āe, kua mutu rawa!

Ki te mea kei te rapu koe i ngā tohu kua mutu tana hononga, ko te wā tēnā e pai ake ai ia ki te whakapuaki i ōna kare ā-roto ki tētahi atu engari ko koe anake. Mōna, he rite tonu: ko te wā e pai ake ai ia ki te huna i ōna kare ā-roto katoa i te noho ngoikore ki a koe. 

11. Kua ngaro koe i a koe anō 

I a koe e ngana ana ki te hanga i a koe kia rite ki te tangata i hiahia ai tō hoa, kua ngaro pea tō whakaaro mōu ake. Tērā pea ka tīmata te whakaaro kei te tumanako tō hoa kia rerekē koe i tō āhua tūturu, ā, ka tere tonu te hoha. 

Hei tohu nui kua mutu te whanaungatanga, ka puta mai i roto i te kore harikoa ki te tangata kua riro i a koe, ā, ka arahi pea ki te āhua o te pouri. te ngenge o te whanaungatanga rite te pai.

12. Ka kitea e koe ngā take kia kaua e noho tahi

I muri i tētahi rā taumaha i te mahi, ko te hokinga mai ki te kāinga ki tētahi hoa tautohetohe te mea whakamutunga e hiahia ana koe. Kāore i roa, kua haere ko koe anake ki te toa hoko kai, kua noho tahi me ō hoa i ngā mutunga wiki katoa, ā, kei te karanga tonu koe i te whānau kia kore ai koe e noho ko koe anake me tō hoa. 

Ki te ahua hoha te whakaaro ki te noho tahi me tō hoa, he tohu tēnā kua mutu tana hononga. 

13. Kāore koe e hiahia ana ki te tipu tahi me tō hoa

I te tīmatanga o te pua hononga hou, kei te moemoeā kōrua ko tō hoa mō tētahi heke mai, me tōu ake whare noho tāone me te kaha ki te wikitoria i ngā arai e pā ana ki a kōrua. 

Heoi, ina kaha te mataku, kāore e pai te "tipu" me te "hurihuri" me tō hoa. He pai ake ki a koe te tipu i roto i tō ake huarahi nā te mea kua mōhio kē koe kāore koe i te tino aro ki tēnei hononga. 

14. Ko te mauahara tētahi o ngā tohu nui kua mutu te whanaungatanga

I te korenga o te whanaungatanga piripono me te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ka puta te ahua o te mauahara e mau tonu ana. Te mauahara i roto i te marena ka kohia pea nā te kore e tutuki ō hiahia, ō hiahia rānei, te kore hototahi rānei, te kore rānei e aro tetahi ki tetahi. 

Kia memeha haere te mauahara, ka rite ki te mea kei te mataku tonu kōrua. Ehara i te whakanui rawa te kī atu ka pai pea kōrua ki te whara tetahi i tetahi, nā te mea kua whakapono koe kei te "rapu utu" koe. 

15. Kāore e taea te wehe atu i ō whāinga 

Ko te mea i tīmata me te whāinga kotahi ka taea te whakarerekē i te ara ina haere tahi kōrua i te ao. He mea noa tēnei nā te mea ka rerekē te tangata. Ki te huri tetahi o kōrua i tōna whakaaro mō te whānau tamariki, ki te kitea rānei e kōrua kei te pukumahi rawa atu i te mahi, ka taea e te rerekētanga o ngā whakaaro te arahi ki te ngoikore o te whanaungatanga.

Ko te mea e mamae ai te ngākau, ahakoa ngā tohu katoa kua mutu (kua tata rānei te hononga), ka taea hoki e tēnei te tohu i te ngoikore o tētahi hononga hauora. I runga i te pepa, ko te aroha, te whakawhirinaki, me whakaute tahi ahakoa he nui, engari mā te rerekētanga o ngā whāinga me ngā whakaaro ā meake nei ka tino uaua te noho tahi. 

Te pānui e pā ana: 18 Ngā raruraru whanaungatanga tawhiti me mōhio koe

16. Kāore kōrua e kata tahi 

Ehara i te aroha me te tautoko anake te whanaungatanga. Ki te kore koe e ngahau tahi me tō hoa rangatira pērā i mua, kāore koe e hiahia ki te whai wāhi atu ki ngā kōrero maha ki a rātou. Ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui kua mutu te whanaungatanga ko te kore e taea e koe te mahara ki te wā whakamutunga i kata tahi ai kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira, i hanga rānei i tētahi maharatanga e menemene ai koe.

17. Kei te whakapāha tonu koe 

Mō ngā mea ehara i te he nāu, mō tō āhua, mō ngā mea o waho rānei e hē ana, "I ia wā ka kōrero au i roto i te āhua hoa ki tētahi hoa tāne, ka porangi ia. I mōhio ahau kua ngā take kore haumaru "mai anō i te tīmatanga, engari kāore au i whakaaro ka riri mai ia ki ahau pēnei," te kōrero a Jessica ki a mātou. 

I a ia e whakaititia ana mō tana kōrero, tana kakahu, tana whanonga rānei ki te tangata, i mōhio a Jessica kua kino te whanaungatanga nei ki tōna hauora hinengaro. Ko tētahi o ngā tohu mārama kua mutu te whanaungatanga mōna, ā, kua tino ora tōna hinengaro.

18. Kāore kōrua e whakaute ana tetahi i tetahi 

Kua rerekē pea ō uara, kua kite rānei koe kāore tō hoa i te atawhai pērā i tō whakaaro. Ina kore e whakaute te whanaungatanga, e kore rawa e rite ki te hononga o ngā tokorua ōrite. 

Ka puta ngā pakanga mana, te tauutuutu kore ōrite, me ētahi kupu kino e whiua haeretia ana. 

Nā te mea kua mōhio koe kāore ngā tohu kua mutu te whanaungatanga e rite ana ki tāu i whakaaro ai, tera pea he whakatau nui tāu. Mena kei te ahua taumaha rawa atu ēnei mōhiohio, ā, kei te pā kino ki tō hauora hinengaro, tera pea ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te āwhina. 

Mena koinei te āwhina e rapu ana koe, ko Bonobology's he rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro mātau ka taea te āwhina i a koe. Ahakoa te whakatau ka mahia e koe, he mea tika kia mahara ko te whakaae ka mutu tō whanaungatanga ehara i te mea kua pai tō oranga. Ehara koe i te hoa rangatira noa iho, ā, me whakatakoto koe i a koe anō ki mua. Kia ora! 

I whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te Whiringa-ā-rangi 2022

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