Ngā Take Matua e 15 hei Noho Tonu i roto i te Hononga

Porohia te aroha

He rerekē ngā take e mau tonu ai te whanaungatanga mō ia tokorua. Ki ētahi, ko te ahua o te pūrerehua i roto i te puku ka pā ki a rātou i ia wā ka kite rātou i tā rātou hoa. Ki ētahi atu, he hononga taikaha pea e kore e taea te titiro whakamuri. Ki te mea kua tino whakapono koe ki a koe anō he take pai ēnei hei noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga, māu tēnei tuhinga. Ahakoa he rerekē ngā take pai hei noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga i runga i te tangata e pātai atu ana koe, ko ngā mea pai rawa atu ka noho tonu, me te mea e tika ana.

Kei te āwangawanga koe mēnā kei roto koe i tēnei whanaungatanga mō ngā take tika? Kei te hiahia koe ki te mōhio mēnā he tika, he pakari hoki ō take mō te noho tahi me tētahi? Mā mātou koe e āwhina ki te kimi i te whakautu mō te take me noho tonu te tangata i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mā te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro haumanu a Devleena Ghosh (M.Res, Te Whare Wānanga o Manchester), te kaiwhakaū o Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, he tohunga ki te tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine me te whakaora whānau.

Ngā Take Matua e 15 hei Noho Tonu i roto i te Hononga

Ripanga o Ihirangi

Ki te mea kua pātai koe ki a koe anō, "Me noho tonu ahau ki tēnei whanaungatanga?", ko te puta ake o taua whakaaro kua āwangawanga pea koe. Kaua te whanaungatanga pai e meinga kia pātai koe, tika? Āe, nā te mea kāore he whanaungatanga tino tika, me whakaaro koe ki tō kaha i ētahi wā. Ā, ahakoa kei te pātai koe i taua pātai ki a koe anō, ehara i te mea he tino pōrearea ngā mea katoa.

Ahakoa rā, tera pea kei roto koe i tēnei āhuatanga mō ngā take hē. Ahakoa he nui rawa ōna uaua, ehara i te mea he take pai hei noho tahi me tō hoa tāne. Ā, ahakoa he kakahu whakapaipai tonu ia, ehara i te mea kei te aroha koe ki a ia. Kei te aroha noa koe ki te kākahu Forever New e mau ana ia.

I taua wā anō, ka taea te wareware i ngā take e noho tahi ai te tokorua, ina koa ka aro nui ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki ngā raruraru, kaua ki ngā mea e tika ana kia mahia. Ko te raruraru, ahakoa he maha ngā take e noho tahi ai, ka warewarehia e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ngā mea tino nui, ā, ka aro ki te raruraru, ā, ka whakapono rātou kei te hinga te whanaungatanga.

I tētahi atu taha, kāore pea i te tino tika ngā take pai mō te noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga, engari ka hē pea te whakaaro ko ngā take pōuri mō te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga me tētahi atu hei huarahi mō te katoa. Kia kore ai koe e whakaaro noa ki ngā kaha o tō whanaungatanga, tirohia ēnei take e whai ake nei hei noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga, he maha pea kua whai take kē koe:

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1. Ko te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi te take nui hei noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga

E ai ki a Devaleena, ki te mea he whakaute tetahi ki tetahi , koinei tētahi o ngā take nui hei noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga. "Ina kore he whakaute tetahi ki tetahi, ka hē ngā mea. Engari ina tae mai, ka puta he momo pumau o te kare ā-roto. Tērā pea ka kite ngā hoa he rerekē rawa ngā āhua o rāua tokorua, engari ka whakaae anō hoki rāua he tautoko tetahi i tetahi, kaua e whakararuraru i te tipu o tetahi," tana kī.

Ki te kore he whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga, kāore pea koe e tino hiahia ki te whakarongo ki ngā kōrero a tō hoa. Mēnā koinei te āhua, ka noho hei āhuatanga e tatari ana koe kia mutu te kōrero a te tangata kei mua i a koe kia taea ai e kōrua te kōrero anō. Ko te take o te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, kia rongo ai koe kei te whakarongohia, kei te whakamanahia, kei te whakautehia hoki koe. Ehara i te mea ka tukinotia, ka whakaititia, ka whakahaeretia rānei. Kāore mātou i te mōhio mōu, engari ehara tēnā i te momo whanaungatanga e hiahiatia ana e mātou.

2. Ina tino teitei rawa atu tō whanaungatanga kare ā-roto

Ae, he āhua ōrite te moepuku o ia tokorua, engari ko te kōrero urunga te mea nui. Pātai atu ki a koe anō: ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa, me te kōrero i ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe, me te kore e whakahengia mōna? He aha koe ka noho tonu ai i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, mō te ahuareka i te moenga, mō te whanaungatanga piripono kua whakawhanakehia e koe?

Kei te whakawhirinaki kōrua tetahi ki tetahi mō te tautoko kare ā-roto ? Kei te harikoa tetahi ki tetahi i te taha kare ā-roto? Ki te rapu take koe hei noho tahi me tō hoa tāne, whakaarohia te pai o tō kōrua noho tahi i roto i te taha kare ā-roto. Ka taea e kōrua te rongo i ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa, ā, ka whakaae ā-roto hoki kōrua ki te āhua o te taha kare ā-roto o kōrua?

3. He tirohanga whānui mō te heke mai me te tirohanga whānui mō te ao

Mō ētahi atu ataata tohunga, ohauru mai ki tā mātou Hongere Youtube. Pāwhiri ki konei.

"Ko te tirohanga ōrite ki te ao, te tirohanga ao ōrite, te moemoeā ōrite rānei, he take nui tēnei hei noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ina kore e ōrite te tirohanga a te tokorua e hiahia ana ki te noho tahi i te ao, he māmā noa te kite me pēhea te arahi atu ki ngā raruraru. Ka arahi te rerekētanga o ngā whakaaro ki te pakanga, ā, ka arahi te pakanga ki te pouri. Ahakoa he moemoeā me he whāinga tō tētahi i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka hono atu tētahi ki tēnā, ka huri hei moemoeā ōrite," te kī a Devaleena.

Whakaarohia: ki te hiahia koe ki tētahi whare i ngā Maunga Ārepa, kāore he mea e pārekareka ana ki te ao, ā, ko tō hoa rangatira e aro nui ana ki te momo noho o Ibiza, tera pea ka uaua ki a koe te kimi take hei noho mārena. I roto i ngā kupu iti ake, tera pea ehara tō hoa rangatira i te momo tangata e āta whakahaere ana i te moni, e whakamahere ana rānei mō te heke mai, ka waiho pea koe kia pōuri, kia manukanuka, kia pouri hoki. Ā tōna wā, ka taea e tēnei take tautohetohe roa te huna i ngā take katoa hei noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga (whakapono mai ki a mātou, ko te kore o te whakamahere pūtea ka taea te pakaru i tētahi whanaungatanga).

4. Whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, kore whakahāwea

Ka taea e koe te kōrero i ngā mea katoa ki tō hoa, me te kore e wehi kei whakahengia koe, kei arahi rānei ki te pakanga? Kei te huna e koe ngā mea i tō hoa, me te whakaaro kāore e tika te raruraru o te pakanga ka puta mai? "Ina kotahi te taha o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ka arahi pea ki te raruraru. Me waiho hei tukanga whakawhitiwhiti, he tukanga kore whakatau," te kī a Devaleena.

Ko te māmā ake o te kōrero ki tō hoa rangatira, ko te māmā ake hoki o te whakaoti i ngā raruraru katoa e pā mai ana ki a koe. Hei tauira, ki te rapu koe i ngā take hei noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga, mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero e pā ana ki tēnā ka mōhio koe ki ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe ki te mōhio. Ina he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pono, tuwhera hoki, ka noho tō hoa rangatira hei hoa pai mōu. Ā, ina tupu tēnā, koinei tētahi o ngā take pai hei noho tonu ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe.

5. Pērā i ngā pī e rua i roto i te pū: Hototahitanga

Kāo, ko te whakautu anake mō te take me noho tonu te tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga ehara i te mea he tino pārekareka kōrua ki taua pukapuka pakiwaituhi tino motuhake e rua ngā pukapuka i tukuna i te koanga o te tau 1992. Engari mā te whai i ngā mea e pai ana ki a kōrua, me ngā mahi whakangahau rite tonu, ka taea te whakatū i te wairua whakahoahoa.

"Me noho tonu ahau i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga?" Kaua rawa tēnei pātai e puta ki roto i tō hinengaro mēnā ko koe tētahi o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e kore e mutu te kata ki ō kōrero whakakatakata hoha. Mēnā rānei, ko te mea e noho tonu ai koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko te mōhio tonu koe i te wā e hiahia ana tō hoa ki te hoki ki te kāinga mai i taua pāti nā te "titiro" i hoatu e rātou ki a koe. Whakapono mai, e kino ana te hunga katoa i tō taha ki te hototahitanga o kōrua.

6. He take kaha te haumaru o te ngākau ki te noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga

O ngā take tika katoa mō te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ko te haumaru o te kare ā-roto te mea nui rawa atu. "Ki te kore te tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga e māia, e kore rānei e taurite te kare ā-roto, kāore e taea e rātou te mahi nui mō te kare ā-roto o tā rātou hoa. Ā tōna wā, ka ngenge te tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka arahi te kore taurite ki te kore e makona, te kore harikoa, me te maha o ngā raruraru," te kī a Devaleena.

Ina kua pakeke ngā kare ā-roto o ngā hoa e rua i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka taea e rātou te whakawhirinaki ki ngā whakaaro o tētahi atu, koinei tētahi o ngā take pai rawa atu hei noho tahi mā te marena. Nā te mea he maha ngā wā ka haere tahi te haumaru o te kare ā-roto me te whakawhirinaki, te whakaute, te mārama, te tautoko, me te aroha. Ki te kore aua kaupapa matua e whakautu i ō pātai e mura tonu ana, "Ngā take me noho tahi tāua", kāore tāua e mōhio he aha te mea ka whakautua.

He whakaahua taipitopito mō ngā take hei noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga — Ngā take matua 15 hei pupuri i te whanaungatanga

7. Ina whakatairangahia e te whanaungatanga te tipu o te tangata takitahi

Ko te whanaungatanga pai he whanaungatanga e āhei ai koe ki te noho hei putanga pai rawa atu o koe. Kāore e mauhere ana i a koe, engari e ārahi ana i a koe ki te ara ki te whakatutuki i ngā mea kāore koe i mōhio ka taea e koe te whakatutuki.

Kei te tautoko tō hoa i a koe i roto i ō whāinga, ā, kei te akiaki i a koe kia pai ake? Kei te hoatu e kōrua he wāhi ki a kōrua kia kitea ai kōrua takitahi, i waho atu hoki i te whanaungatanga? Mena he taumaha te pātai "me noho tonu ahau ki tēnei whanaungatanga?" ki tō hinengaro, pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā ka taea e tēnei whārite te whakatipu i a koe e hiahia ana.

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8. He take pai te whakawhirinaki tahi ki te noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga

"Ko te kaha ki te whakawhirinaki, ki te kore rānei e whakawhirinaki, ka tīmata mai i tō tamarikitanga. Mēnā he raruraru āu ki tēnei, ka puta mai i tō whakaaro kāore i taea e ō kaitiaki matua te noho tahi me koe. Nō reira, ka mutu pea koe ki te whakaaro, "Kāore au i te mōhio mēnā ka aroha taku hoa ki ahau mō te tangata ko au tēnei" i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ka mutu, ka ārahi ēnei whakaaro ki te ruarua o te tangata i ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e tā rātou hoa," te kī a Devaleena.

He mea nui te whakawhirinaki mēnā kei te rapu koe i ngā take hei pupuri i te whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga. Ahakoa he tinihanga, ahakoa kāore, ki te kore he whakawhirinaki, ka pā kino noa iho te hauora hinengaro o tētahi ki tētahi i ia wā ka haere tahi kōrua me ō "hoa".

9. He take pai te pai ki te āhua o tō hoa hei pupuri i te whanaungatanga

He pai ki a koe ngā āhuatanga orotika o tō hoa? Tērā pea he pai ki a koe te waiata i tētahi wā, te tangi rānei o te ngengere ina kata. Tērā pea kei te miharo koe ki tō rātou mōhio, ā, i ia wā ka kata koe, ka nui ake tō aroha. Ko ngā mea iti nei te mea e kaha ake ai te marena.

"He pai te whanaungatanga mā te tokorua e hanga," te kī a Devaleena, "Ki te pai koe ki tō hoa rangatira, ko te tikanga, ka whai whāinga kua whakaritea e kōrua, ka pai ake te taiao kāinga, ā, ka nui te hototahitanga." O ngā take tika katoa hei noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ko te tino pai ki te nuinga o ngā āhuatanga o te tuakiri o tō hoa rangatira, me te āheinga ki te whakaae ki aua āhuatanga te mea kaha.

Me noho tonu ahau ki tēnei whakamātautau whanaungatanga

10. Ka tautoko tonu kōrua tetahi i tetahi

Ki te mea kei te rapu koe i ngā take hei noho tahi me te tangata e arohaina ana e koe, aromatawaihia te nui o tō kōrua tautoko tetahi i tetahi ina tino hiahiatia ana. Ina he tā kōrua mahi, ina raru rānei koe, ā, me āwhina koe e tō hoa, ka whakarērea e rātou ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e rātou hei tautoko i a koe, ka riria rānei koe mō te he o tā kōrua mahi i te tuatahi?

Kua whakaaetia ō whakatau e tō hoa, kāore rānei he kōrero kino ki a koe i ngā wā katoa? Kei te āwhina tō hoa i a koe ina hiahiatia? Kei te tautokona e ia mā te mahi tautoko? Mā ēnei pātai ka āwhina koe ki te kimi i ngā take e tika ai kia noho tahi koe me tētahi.

11. Ina puta noa mai te aroha ki a koe

Ina taea e koe te hikoi i roto i ngā hu o tō hoa me te kore e tukua ō whakaaro whakahāwea kia whakapōrearea i tō whakaaro, me mōhio koe ko te aroha i roto i tō whanaungatanga e ahu mai ana i te aroha nui me te manaaki. "Ko te pūtake o ngā whāinga tahi ko te tīmatanga anō. Ina pāngia tētahi e tētahi i tētahi mea takitahi, ka taea e te hoa kē te aroha ki a rātou," te kī a Devaleena.

Ki te mea kua pātai koe ki a koe anō, "Me noho tonu ahau i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga?", ngana ki te whakaaro me pēhea te mārama o tō hoa ki ō āhuatanga, me te tautoko, te mārama rānei o rātou ki tēnei raruraru. Engari i te ngana tonu ki te whakaoti i ō raruraru katoa, ka taea e tō hoa te whakaatu atu kei te aroha rātou ki a koe mā te kī atu, "Mehemea he tino uaua tēnā, e mārama ana ahau ki ō kare ā-roto", he take pai tēnei kia noho tonu ai i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, e ai ki tā mātou.

12. Ina kore he pakanga whakapehapeha

"Kia taea ai te whai i ngā hiahia me ngā whāinga ōrite, he maha ngā wā, me tuku te tangata i tōna ake whakapehapeha ngoikore. Ko te nui ake o tō whakaaro ki te whanaungatanga i runga ake i ō ake hiahia - i roto i te huarahi hauora - ko te pai ake mōu," te kī a Devaleena.

Ka riri tō hoa i a koe e mahi ana i ētahi mea kāore ia e pai ana ki a koe? Ka taea e kōrua te waiho i ō kōrua hiahia ki te taha, ka mahi i te mea pai mō te whanaungatanga? Ko te whakautu ki te pātai he aha me noho tonu te tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga, kei te nui o te whakaute o kōrua ki tā kōrua mea, kaua e hiahia noa i a kōrua e hiahia ana.

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13. He tika tāu whawhai?

He pakanga kei roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa, engari ko te āhua o tō whakatau i ngā tautohe te mea e wehewehe ai i ngā whanaungatanga hauora me ngā whanaungatanga kino. Kei te kōrero koe i ngā mea kāore i te whai tikanga, ā, ka mutu ka whara kino tō hoa? Kei te whakatata atu rānei koe me te whāinga kia whakatikahia, kia ngana hoki ki te whakatau i te riri me te pōuri ki te pai rawa atu e taea e koe?

Whakawhirinaki mai ki a mātou, ki te kaha kōrua ki te whakatika i ngā pakanga e ara ake ana hei whakahoki mai i te rangimārie, koinei tētahi o ngā take pai hei noho tahi. Kāore he tangata e whakautu ana i te pātai, "He aha kōrua ka noho tonu ai i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga?", mā te kī, "He pai ki ahau ina whakahaerehia ahau e taku hoa aroha me te tukino i ahau i roto i ngā pakanga!"

14. Ki te mea kei te whakamanahia koe, ā, e hiahiatia ana hoki

He aha te mea e mau tonu ai koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi, te whakawhirinaki, te tautoko, me te aroha. Engari, ki te mea kei te ngaro tonu tetahi mea i roto i tō whanaungatanga, ā, ki te kore ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe e whakaarohia ana, ki te kore ō whakaaro e tino hira, kāore pea ō whakaaro i te tino pai.

Engari ina kī mai tō hoa rangatira mā te whakaaro noa ki a koe ka menemene ia, tērā pea ka tino harikoa koe. Ae, ehara i te mea ko te whakaaro kua whakamanahia koe, kua hiahiatia hoki te take anake hei noho tahi māu me tō hoa tāne, engari he taahiraa tika tēnei. I ētahi wā, ko te whakautu ki ngā pātai pēnei i te "He aha ngā take me noho tahi tāua?" ka kitea i roto i ngā mea iti pēnei i te whakaaro kua whakamanahia koe.

15. Te makona whānui

Ina takoto koe i te moenga, whai muri i te whakatakoto i ō whakaoho katoa mō te aonga ake, ā, ina waiho tō waea pūkoro ki runga i te tēpu taha o te moenga, ka taea e koe te kī pono kei te makona koe ki te whanaungatanga kei roto koe? Ko te take o te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga ka mutu ko te kare ā-roto e pā ana ki a koe i te pō i mua tata o te moe, kāore?

He pai tō whanaungatanga? He whakautehia koe? Kei roto i tō whanaungatanga ngā mea nui mō tētahi whanaungatanga ? He tika te whai ruarua i ētahi wā, engari he take manukanuka te noho tonu o te kore makona.

I tētahi atu taha, ki te mea ka tino haumaru koe i roto i te whakapau kaha me te whakawhirinaki e tohaina ana e kōrua, kāore he mea pai ake i te ao. Ki te mea he rite tonu tō whakaaro ki tētahi mea haumaru, ka tae atu mātou ki te kī ahakoa te aituā kino o te puremu, kāore pea e whakakorikori i ō koutou turanga.

Tohutohu Matua

Ki te pā kino tō whanaungatanga ki a koe, ahakoa te nui o ngā take hei noho tonu ki roto, e kore e nui ake i te mea kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, ā, me tino whakaaro koe ki te whakamutu.
Mena kei roto i tō whanaungatanga ngā kaupapa matua o te whanaungatanga harikoa pērā i te whakawhirinaki, te aroha, te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi, te tautoko, me te aroha ki tētahi, kua whai take pai kē koe ki te noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.
Ko ētahi atu take hei pupuri i te whanaungatanga ko te whakamana i te whanaungatanga, te makona whānui, te mārama tetahi ki tetahi, me te kite i te tipu o te takitahi me te whanaungatanga.

Ki te mea kei te rapu koe i ngā take hei noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga, tīmata mā te aromatawai i te pūtake o te take i puta ai, me te kimi mēnā ka taea e tō whanaungatanga pai te tu atu i tēnei huringa ohorere. I te mutunga o te rā, ki te mea he wairua whakawhirinaki, aroha, me te whakaute whānui, kāore he mea kāore e taea e koe te whakaoti.

Mena kei roto i tō whanaungatanga te nuinga o ngā āhuatanga kua whakarārangihia e mātou, ko te tumanako kāore koe e noho pūmau ki ngā pātai pēnei i te, "Me noho tonu ahau i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga, me tango rānei e ahau te putanga tuatahi?" Ahakoa te āhua pōhēhē o ōu āhuatanga, mā te āwhina o ngā take kua whakarārangihia e mātou, tera pea kua mārama ake koe ki te "harikoa" o tō "ake ake".

FAQs

1. Me pēhea koe e whakatau ai mēnā me noho tonu koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga?

Ki te pā kino te whanaungatanga ki a koe i te hinengaro, i te tinana rānei, me whakaaro nui koe ki te whakamutu. Heoi, ki te kore he kino tonu, ā, ka kite koe i te harikoa whānui, te noho o ngā kaupapa matua katoa o te whanaungatanga (te whakawhirinaki, te whakaute, te tautoko, te aroha, me te ngākau aroha), me te hiahia ki te haere tonu i te whanaungatanga, me whakaaro nui koe ki te whakaoti i ngā raruraru katoa e pā ana ki a koe.

2. He aha ngā take hē hei noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga?

Ki te whakaaro koe me noho tonu koe i roto i te whanaungatanga nā te mea he nui rawa te wā kua pau i a koe ki roto, nā te mea rānei kei te āwangawanga koe mō ngā kōrero a ētahi atu mēnā ka wehe koe, nā te mea rānei kei te pai koe ki te karo i taua kōrero wehewehe whakamā, he take kino katoa ēnei hei noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Ko ētahi atu take kino mō te noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko ngā mea pēnei i te kore e whakawhirinaki ki a koe anō ka tū motuhake koe i roto i te hinengaro, te tumanako ka pai ake te whanaungatanga kino i tētahi rā, te whakapono rānei "e tika ana" koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga kino. Haere atu!

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.