Me aha koe i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa?

Kāore tetahi o tātou e pai ana te ngākau i muri i te whawhai ki ā tātou hoa tāne. Ka mutu, ka riri koe, ka taea e koe te patu i te pakitara, ā, ka whakaaro koe me pēhea te marino i muri i te whawhai. Me pēhea e whakapāha ai koe i muri i te whawhai? Me aha koe i muri i te whawhai ki tō hoa tāne?

Kua whakaaro kē koe he aha tātou ka whawhai ai ki te hunga e tata ana ki a tātou? Nā te mea he maha ngā tumanakohanga e puta mai ana i te aroha. Ahakoa te iti rawa o te urupare kino a tō hoa, ka taea e koe te whara. I roto i ngā tāngata katoa e mōhio ana koe, kāore koe e hiahia kia waiho tō hoa hei tangata e hē ana te mārama me te whara i a koe.

E ai ki te iwi, mā te whawhai ka kaha ake te whanaungatanga. Engari, ka ārahi hoki ngā whawhai ki te pātai i ngā mea maha, inā koa te whanaungatanga e pā ana. Me ēnei kare ā-roto me ngā tumanakohanga katoa, ka taea e kōrua te uru atu ki tētahi pakanga nui ahakoa mō ngā mea iti rawa. Engari kāore koe e hiahia kia riri tonu ki a rātou mō ake tonu atu, nō reira, me aha koe i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa tāne? Me pēhea te whakapāha i muri i te pakanga?

Ka kawea mai e mātou ētahi tirohanga mō te whakatau i tētahi pakanga ki tō hoa tāne mā te kōrero tahi me te tohunga hinengaro a Kranti Momin (Tohu Paerua i te Hinengaro), he kaimahi CBT mātau, ā, he tohunga hoki ki ngā momo mara o te tohutohu whanaungatanga.

Me aha koe i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa?

I muri i tētahi tautohe ki tō hoa tāne, e mōhio ana koe kua tae ki te wā hei kōrero engari kāore koe i te mōhio mēnā kua marino ia. Kāore koe i te mōhio me pēhea te kōrero ki tō hoa tāne i muri i tētahi pakanga, me te roa o te wā e tatari ai koe i mua i te ngana ki te whakatau i ō kōrua raruraru. Ā, he mea noa tēnā.

He rerekē te roa o te wā e pau ana ki te tangata ki te marino i muri i te pakanga, me ō rātou āhua, whakapehapeha, me ērā atu mea. He mea noa ngā tautohetohe i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka tautohetohe te tokorua mō ētahi take noa , engari ko tāu mahi i muri mai e whakatau ana mēnā he pai, he kino rānei tō korua whanaungatanga.

Nā, me aha koe ina whawhai kōrua ko tō hoa tāne? Anei ētahi mea hei maumahara māu:

• Whawhai me te whakaute: Ahakoa e tino whakaaetia ana te rerekētanga o ngā whakaaro me tō hoa, me te whakaae ki ngā mea e tino whakaponohia ana e koe, i te mahi pera, kaua e whara kino tō hoa. Kia taea ai e koe te whakatika i ngā raruraru me tō hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga, me whawhai koe me te whakaute, kaua rawa e takahi i te rohe, kaua hoki e kōrero i ngā mea mamae hei whakaiti i a ia.
• Hoatu he wāhi ki a koutou tetahi: Ina whawhai kōrua ko tō hoa tāne, ka mura te riri o ngā taha e rua, ā, mā te ngana ki te kōrero i taua wā ka kino ake te āhuatanga. Whai muri i te tautohetohe ki tō hoa tāne, me whai wā koe ki te whakamatao i a koe anō, me te kohikohi i ō whakaaro. Ki te hiahia tō hoa tāne kia nui ake te wā ki te whakahaere i ōna kare ā-roto, kia manawanui kaua e pēhi i a ia ki te kōrero i mua i tōna rite.
• Whakatikahia te take e pā ana: Me pēhea te kōrero ki tō hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga? Kia aro noa koe ki te take e pā ana ki a koe, me te kore e whakapae, e whakapae rānei i tō hoa mō te take o te pakanga. I te wa ano, he mea nui kia kaua e whakahuatia ngā take o mua ki roto i ngā pakanga o nāianei.
• Murua te hara, ka neke atu: Kia whakatauhia e kōrua te pakanga me tō hoa tāne, kia kaha ki te muru hara, ki te wareware, me te neke atu. Kaua e whakaaroaro tonu mō te take ahakoa kua whakatauhia ngā mea. Ka puta noa te riri i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka hua ake he raruraru whanaungatanga.

Nā te mea kua mārama whānui koe ki te aha e mahi ai ina whawhai kōrua ko tō hoa tāne, me neke atu tāua ki ētahi mahi hei huna i te raruraru, hei whakatikatika hoki i te raruraru me tō hoa wahine.

Pānui e pā ana: 8 Ngā huarahi hei hono anō i muri i tētahi pakanga nui

Ngā Mea 10 Hei Mahi I Muri I Te Pakanga Ki Tō Hoa Tāne

I muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa tāne, me āta whakaaro koe, inā koa ka tae mai ki ō whakaaro. Ahakoa he pai ake te whakahaere i ngā take me te atawhai me te ngākau māhaki, he ngāwari ake te kōrero i te mahi. Heoi, me mārama koe ko te take o te pakanga i konei ko te raruraru, ehara i tō hoa.

E kore koe e whai hua i te whakapae i a ia me te takaro i te kēmu whakapae . Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga i muri i tētahi pakanga, me tūpato koe ki te āhua o tāu aro atu ki te take. Anei ngā mea hei mahi i muri i tētahi pakanga ki tō hoa tāne:

1. Whakawāteahia he wā hei marino

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kia pēhea te roa o te tatari i muri i te tautohe i mua i te kōrero ki tō hoa tāne, he mea nui kia tatari koe kia marino koe. Ki te mea kei te whakamātao tonu koe, ā, ka ngana ki te kōrero ki a ia, ā, kāore te kōrero e haere pērā i te mea i tumanakohia, ka roa ake te pakanga.

Ka kino rawa atu te āhua o te riri. Ina pū te riri, kāore tetahi o kōrua e aro nui ana ki te whakaaro tika, ki te titiro whānui hoki. Ina whawhai kōrua ko tō hoa tāne, kia mōhio koe ko te tukanga houhanga rongo ka tīmata mā te hohou i te rongo ki ō whakaaro ake.

I mua i te kōrero ki a ia, me whai wā koe ki te mārama ki te take e whakararuraru ana i a koe. Mā tēnei ka māmā ake te rapu huarahi. Ki te tika, haere ki waho mō tētahi wā, hikoi, whakaharatau i te manawa hōhonu hei whakamarie i a koe anō. Mā tēnei ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakaaro mārama, ā, kia kore ai e tukua tō riri kia whakapōrearea i tō whakaaro.

2. Korerohia nga mea

Me aha koe i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa tāne? Ko tā Kranti tohutohu, "Kōrerohia he kōrero whakaora. He aha te tikanga o te kōrero whakaora? He kupu whānui tēnei mō te kōrero e aro ana ki te mamae i puta mai i te pakanga, ā, e whakamahi ana i te mamae hei whakatata i a kōrua."

"Kāore he huarahi kotahi e pai ana mō te katoa ki te kōrero whakaora, engari he mātāpono hei āwhina i a kōrua kia hoki tahi anō i muri i te pakanga, pērā i te whakarongo kaha, te arotahi ki te whakaputa kōrero pono mō te take, kaua e whakamahi i te reo whakapae. Mena he mea nui ake te pakanga pērā i te tinihanga, tera pea me neke atu i te kotahi te kōrero."

Ko te tino take, mā te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga , ka pai ake te whakarite i a kōrua ki te whakatika i ngā raruraru me tō hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga. Kia marino kōrua, ka rite kōrua ki te kōrero whakaora i muri i te pakanga. Ki te hiahia kōrua ki te whakamarie tetahi i tetahi, kōrerohia. Ahakoa ko wai ka tīmata te kōrero, ko te mea nui ko te hiahia o kōrua kia pai anō te āhua.

Nā te mea kua rite kōrua ki te kōrero, kōrerotia ki a ia te take o te tautohetohe ki tō hoa tāne me te take i pērā ai tā kōrua urupare, me te aha hoki i whara ai koe. He mea nui kia mārama ki ngā tirohanga a tetahi ki tetahi. Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te mea nui ki te whakaora i te whanaungatanga i muri i te pakanga.

3. Kimihia te pūtake

Tērā pea ko te tuatoru, ko te tuawhā rānei o ngā wā kua whawhai kōrua ko tō hoa mō te take kotahi. He mea nui kia kitea te pūtake o te pakanga. Mena he mea i kōrerotia e ia i whara ai koe, he mea nui kia mōhio koe ki te mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe.

Tērā pea he mea e pā ana ki tō hītori, he kare ā-roto huna rānei e puta ake ana ina kōrero tō hoa tāne i tētahi mea. Kimihia te pūtake, ā, kia tino whakatauhia kia kore ai e puta anō te pakanga kotahi.

E mea ana a Kranti, "Ehara i te whakaaro whakaaro nui te kore aro ki te tīmatanga o te pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, te whakaari rānei kāore i tupu. Ko te huna i ō raruraru ko te whakaaro kei te pai tō hoa ki te putanga, engari kāore pea i te pērā. Koia te take me whakapau kaha koe ki te whakatika i ngā mea me tō hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga, me te hono anō i te whanaungatanga."

"Mā te whakapuaki i ngā mea kua akohia e koe i muri i te pakanga ka āwhina i te whakatika i ngā kino. Ko ngā mea nui e warewarehia ana e koe ko ērā ka puta hei take nui ake." Ko te tino take, i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa tāne, kaua e arotahi noa ki te whakatika i ngā mea, engari me aro hoki ki te kimi i te pūtake o te raruraru me te tango atu i te raruraru.

Pānui e pā ana: 6 Ngā take e kore ai te tangata e aro ki a koe i muri i te whawhai me ngā mea e 5 ka taea e koe te mahi

4. Kaua e tukua tō whakapehapeha kia arai i a koe

He tikanga tō te tangata ki te totohe nā te mea e whakaaro ana rātou kāore rātou e rangona ahakoa he tika rātou. I ētahi wā, ka arai mai ō tātou whakapehapeha, ā, e tumanako ana tātou ko tō tātou hoa te tangata e mihi mai, e whakaae mai hoki ki tana hapa. Tērā pea kei te tumanako anō hoki tō hoa tāne i taua mea anō. Nō reira, ka noho pūmau tonu te pakeke o ngā hoa e rua, ā, kāore tetahi e whakatika i te raruraru. Ka taea e tēnei te arahi ki te korenga o te whanaungatanga.

Ko te titiro ki te tautohe me tō hoa tāne mai i tōu ake tirohanga anake tētahi o ngā hapa āhua kore kino i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka pā he hua kino . Ina whakatau koe me pēhea te kōrero ki tō hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga, kia maumahara kia kaua e whakararuraru i a koe anō.

Ina whawhai kōrua ko tō hoa tāne, tera pea he wāhi nui tā kōrua i roto. Nō reira, kāore he aha ko wai te he nui ake. Ko te mea nui ko te nui o te hiranga o tō hoa ki a koe. Ki te whakaaro koe he tika koe, kōrero ki tō hoa, kia mārama ia ki te take, kaua e kī atu kia tono murunga hara ia.

5. Āraia ngā whakaaro kino katoa

I ētahi wā, ka tino riri tātou, ka puta ake ngā whakaaro kino katoa mō tō tātou hoa rangatira me tō tātou whanaungatanga. I ētahi wā ka hiahia tātou ki te hamama noa i te katoa, kia mutu rā anō te whanaungatanga. Heoi, i te nuinga o te wā, ko tō riri tonu tērā e kōrero ana.

Ko aua kare ā-roto kino katoa e pā ana ki tō hoa he hua noa iho nō tō riri, ā, ka memeha atu ina marino koe. Nō reira, kaua e tukua ēnei hei akiaki i ō mahi. "I whawhai māua ko taku hoa tāne, ā, i kōrero kino māua i te werawera o te wā, ā, ināianei, kāore ia e pai ki te kōrero mai ki ahau," te tuhituhi a tētahi kaipānui ki ā mātou kaitohutohu, e tono ana i ngā tohutohu mō te whawhai tika ki taku hoa tāne.

Ehara i te mea onge te mahi, te kōrero rānei i ngā mea ohorere ka puta te pouri i muri mai ina whawhai ngā hoa wahine ki ngā hoa tāne, ina whawhai rānei. Koia koe me whakapau kaha ki te karo i aua whakaaro kino, engari me whakaaro ki te whakatika i te hē. Mā ngā whakaaro kino ka whakangaro noa i tō whanaungatanga, ka pouri hoki koe i muri mai mō āu mahi.

6. Whakarongo ki to ngakau

Ka ārahi tonu tō ngākau i a koe ki tō hoa. Ahakoa te kino o te pakanga, ka hiahia tonu tō ngākau kia hoki koe ki tō hoa, kia kōrero. Ahakoa te nui o tō pūkenga, ina tae ki te whanaungatanga, ko tō ngākau te mea nui.

Whakarongo ki tā tō ngākau e kī ana, ā, ka kitea e kōrua te ara ki a kōrua. E kore ngā pātai pēnei i te kōrero ki tō hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga e aukati i a koe ina tukua e koe tō kare ā-roto hei ārahi i ō mahi. Me whai noa i tō ngākau, ā, ka taka ngā mea katoa ki tōna tūranga tika.

Heoi, ki te mea kei te kī mai tō ngākau i tētahi atu mea, kua tae pea te wā ki te tuku i a koe. Tērā pea ko tētahi o ngā tohu kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora kore . Mā tō kare ā-roto, mā tō mātanga rānei e whakaoho te pere whakaoho mēnā he hapa kei roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ka mōhio koe i roto i tō ngākau ahakoa kei roto koe i te wā whakakahore. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ko te wehenga te mea hei mahi i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa tāne.

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7. Whakarongo ki ngā kōrero a tō hoa

E rua ngā taha o ia kōrero, engari ki tā mātou whakaaro ko tā mātou anake te mea tika. Ina koa i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa tāne, tera pea ka whakamatautauria koe ki te whakapono he tika koe, he tika rawa ō whakaaro. Tērā pea he wā ka hē pea kōrua tokorua. Nō reira, he mea nui kia whakarongo koe ki ngā kōrero a tō hoa.

Tērā pea i hē tō mārama ki āna kupu, engari he rerekē rawa tana tikanga. Tērā pea ka mamae ia pērā i a koe, engari e kore koe e mōhio ki tēnā mena kāore koe e kōrero ki a ia. Whakarongo ki tō hoa, kia mārama hoki ki ōna tirohanga. Mā tēnā ka tere ake te whakaoti rapanga, ā, ka hoki anō kōrua ki te noho hei hoa aroha.

E kī ana a Kranti, "Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero taupatupatu me ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te raruraru nui. Kāore ngā hoa e tino whakarongo ana tetahi ki tetahi. Ina kōrero tetahi, e tatari ana tetahi ki tōna wā ki te kōrero. Nō reira, e rua āu kōrero takitahi e haere ana, kaua ki te kōrero. Ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te kōrero ki tō hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga, ngana ki tēnei huarahi:

"Kaikōrero: Arotahi ki ngā mea i kitea e koe, i pā ki ō kare ā-roto i te wā o te tautohetohe. Kaua e whakahē, e whakapae rānei i te kaiwhakarongo."

"E te Kaiwhakarongo: Arotahi ki te wheako o te kaikorero i te tautohetohe, kaua ki te āhua o tō whakaaro me pēhea rātou i wheako ai. Ngāna kia mārama ki ngā mea mai i tōna tirohanga, kia whakamanahia hoki. Kōrerohia ēnei mea pēnei: ​​'Ina kite ahau i tēnei mai i tō tirohanga, he tika te whakaaro i pērā ō whakaaro'."

8. Tukua

I ētahi wā, ko te mea pai ko te tuku me te whakapāha ki tō hoa tāne. Kia maumahara, he pai te whakapāha. Ahakoa mā ngā pakanga ka mōhio tātou ki te nui o te hiranga o tō tātou hoa ki a tātou, me te kore e taea e tātou te ora me te kore rātou, ka hangaia hoki he āputa iti i waenganui i a koe me tō hoa.

Ka piki haere tonu tēnei raruraru i ia pakanga. Mā te tuku tuatahi i a koe e whakaatu ki tō hoa tāne he nui ake tō aro ki te whanaungatanga i te pakanga iti. Me pēhea te whakapāha i muri i te pakanga ? He māmā noa iho, kōrero noa mai i tō ngākau, ka kōrero atu ki a rātou ō kare ā-roto. Aroha mai mō te āhua o tāu tauhohenga. I ētahi wā, ka taea te whakatau i ngā āhuatanga mā te kōrero noa engari ka whiriwhiri tātou ki te whawhai.

Ko tā Kranti tohutohu, "Ko te mea nui, kaua e tukua kia roa rawa te wā kia whakatauhia te raruraru, ā, kaua e whakaarahia anō te tautohe ā muri ake nei." Ki te roa rawa tō whakaaro me pēhea te whakatika i ngā mea me tō hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga, tera pea ka uaua ake te wawahi i te hukapapa. Waihoki, ki te mau tonu te whakaara ake i ngā take tawhito i roto i ia tautohetohe me tō hoa tāne, ka roa pea ngā raruraru.

9. Hangaia he ture hou

Nā te mea kua mōhio kōrua ki ngā pūtake o ā kōrua pakanga, ā, kua hiahia hoki kōrua ki te whakatau i ngā raruraru, hangaia he ture hou hei whai mā kōrua hei ārai i aua pakanga ā muri ake nei. Tērā pea he mea pēnei i te kore kōrero mō te kaupapa, te kore kōrero mō te hawhe haora i muri i te pakanga, te kai tahi tonu ahakoa te kino o te pakanga, te houhanga rongo i mua i te moe, me ērā atu mea.

"He mea noa te hiahia kia whakamanahia ō kare ā-roto e ō hoa, e tō whānau, me te hunga katoa e whakarongo mai ana. Engari ehara tō pakanga i te mea hei tirohanga mā te marea," te kī a Kranti. Nō reira, ko te kore pea e whakaatu i ō kakahu paru ki te marea, me te tōia pea ō hoa me te whānau ki te pakanga me tō hoa tāne, he ture pea tēnei ka taea e koe te whakamahi.

Mā te whakatakoto ture me ngā rohe hou ka āwhina i te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia ora, ā, e mōhio pū ana koe ki ngā mea hei tumanako māu i tō hoa i roto i ēnei āhuatanga.

10. Awhi mai

I ētahi wā, kāore e taea e koe te kimi i ngā kupu tika hei kōrero ki tō hoa tāne hei whakatikatika i ō hara. I roto i tēnei āhuatanga, ko te mea pai ko te awhi atu. Kia awhiawhi koe i tō hoa, ka memeha haere te riri, ā, ka mōhio tō hoa ki te nui o tōna ngaro i a koe.

Ahakoa te nui o te pakanga i waenganui i a kōrua, he rite tonu ki te merekara te mahi a te awhi tahi. Kaua e wareware ki te kōrero mō te take i muri i tēnei, kia kore ai kōrua e whawhai anō ki tō hoa tāne mō taua mea anō i te wā e whai ake nei. He mea nui tonu tēnei hei whakaoti i te raruraru, ki te kore ka ara ake he pakanga anō ā muri ake nei.

Mā ngā tohutohu o runga ake nei ka āwhina i te whakaora i ngā whanaungatanga i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa tāne, ā, ka ako hoki koe i ngā mea hei mahi i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa tāne. Mā te whakaora i tō whanaungatanga i muri i te pakanga ka āwhina i te whakapakari i tō turanga, ā, ka ārai i ngā kare ā-roto o te mauahara kei pā mai ki tō whanaungatanga.

I roto i te pakanga, ko te mea nui ko te whakanui i tō hoa rangatira ki runga ake i te pakanga, nā te mea mā te whakaaro ki ō kare ā-roto, ko te tikanga he nui ake tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, kaua ki tō whanaungatanga. Me whakatika tonu ō hapa, me ako hoki ki te muru hara, ā, ka roa te haere o tō whanaungatanga.

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