Hiki ake tō ringa mēnā kua mātaki koe i te whakaaturanga Netflix Ko koe. Kia ara tonu tō ringa mēnā kua rite tāu mahi ki tā Joe Goldberg i ngā wā tuatahi. Ngā whakaaro nui, ngā moemoeā porangi, ngā tumanako nui, me te whaiwhai tata. I mahia e koe ēnei mea katoa me te whakapono pono kei roto koe i te aroha? Kāore koe e kite i ahau, engari kei te aue ahau i te pouri. He kōrero uaua kei mua i a tāua.
Ahakoa ō whakapono pai rawa atu, ehara te mea e pā ana ki a koe i te aroha. He kupu ataahua e kiia nei ko te 'limerence'. He pai te tangi, kāore? Kaua e māmingatia e te ahua rotarota o te kupu; kei te kino te limerence i tō oranga i ngā huarahi maha atu i tō whakaaro. Koinei tonu te take e tirotirohia ai e mātou i tēnei rā. Hei whakamārama i ngā āhuatanga maha o te limerence, kua tono atu ahau ki te tohunga hinengaro. Tākuta Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), he tohunga ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga me te Whakaora Whanoke Ā-roto.
Kei konei māua ko Tākuta Bhonsle ki te whakautu i ō pātai katoa – He aha tāu whakamāramatanga mō te limerence? He aha i rerekē ai i te aroha? Ā, he aha ētahi tohu o te limerence hei tūpato māu? Kia tīmata tātou.
He aha te tikanga o te Limerence?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
I te tau 1979, i whakahuatia te ingoa o te kupu "limerence" ko Dorothy Tennov (āe, kua hoki whakamuri ki te ao tūturu), me te whakaahua i tēnei kupu hei momo aroha nui. Ko te "limerence" he āhua hinengaro e kaha ana te tangata ki te whakaaro nui ki tētahi atu tangata, he tangata e hiahia ana rātou ki te aroha. He tino pokanoa ēnei whakaaro, ā, tata tonu te hua he whanaungatanga whakaaro noa, he whanaungatanga wawata rānei. He tino waranga, he whakangaro hoki te āwangawanga.
I ētahi wā, ka haere tahi mai me te tumanako koretake mō te heke mai me taua tangata. He mea nui kia mōhio ko te noho puku he taha kotahi, he kore here i te mooni. He te aroha noa, ehara i te meaTirohia ēnei rārangi o te sonnet a Shakespeare e hopu tika ana i te limerence.
"Kāore e taea te nui atu, kī tonu i a koe,
Nā reira, nā tōku hinengaro pono rawa atu i hē ai tōku hinengaro.”
Kia mārama ake tātou ki te limerence mā te whakamahi i tētahi tauira. Hei tauira, ka tīmata te aroha o tētahi wahine – ka karangatia ia ko Julia – ki tētahi hoa mahi hou. Kāore i te kino i te tīmatanga, ā, ka puta ngā mahi a Julia, arā, te whero o te kanohi, te menemene, te mataku, me ērā atu mea.
Engari te āhua nei kei te kaha haere te aroha. Kāore e taea e Julia te aro ki te mahi, ki ngā hoa, ki te whānau rānei; ka pakaru wawe tōna rā i tētahi whakautu maroke mai i a ia. Ki te menemene mai ia ki a ia, kei te rangi iwa ia. Kei roto i tōna ao te mana whakahaere katoa o tēnei aro kino e whakaputa ana i te kino rawa atu i roto i a ia. E mārama ana ki ana hoa kāore te hoa mahi e aro ki a ia. Me pēhea e taea ai e rātou te pakaru i tana mirumiru ka whakahoki mai i a ia ki te ao tūturu?
Inaianei, he Julia pea koe e hiahia nui ana ki te whakaaroaro, he hoa rānei e tiaki ana i a Julia. Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakautu ki te pātai miriona tāra mō te aha te limerence, panuku tonu ki raro. Tērā pea kāore koe e pai ki tāu e pānui ana i ētahi wāhi, engari kia mahara ki te aha Tākuta Bhonsle e mea ana, "Ko te taahiraa tuatahi o te whakaoranga ko te mohio kei a koe tetahi raruraru. Ahakoa te mohio ki taua raruraru, kāore pea koe e tino pai, engari me tīmata koe."
Te pānui e pā ana: 9 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakamutu, Hei Whakatutuki hoki i te Aroha Koreutu
Ngā Wāhanga e 3 o te Limerence
Kei te whakaaro pea koe he rite te ahua o te limerence ki te aroha kua hē, nō reira he aha te take nui? Mā te titiro ki ngā wāhanga o te limerence ka āwhina i a koe ki te kite pai ake. E toru ngā wāhanga e pāngia ai te tangata e te limerence – te tīmatanga o te aroha nui, te tihi o te tioata, me te mutunga me te pirau. He rite tonu ki te kauwhata pere-āhua.
1. Ngā tīmatanga reka, iti hoki – Te aroha nui
Ko te pureitanga o tēnei wāhanga ko 'What makes you beautiful' nā One Direction. Koinei te wāhi ka tīmata te ahi me te mura i roto i tō ngākau. Ka kite koe i te mea e whakamoemititia ana mō te wā tuatahi, ā, ka hopukina e tō kanohi. Ka whakanuia ō rātou āhuatanga whakamiharo i roto i tō ngākau kia rau ngā wā i a koe e whakaaro tonu ana ki a rātou. Ko te ngaro ngā haki whero ina mau ana koe i ngā mōhiti kanohi tae rōhi.
E mōhio ana tātou katoa he tino pai te kare ā-roto o te aroha. Ka mahi te dopamine me te serotonin i tā rāua mahi makutu ki tō roro; me te mea nei te ao he rite ki te whakaari waiata me te rā me te āniwaniwa. I ngā wāhanga tuatahi o te limerence, ka rite anō koe ki te mea kei te whitu o ngā rangi.
2. Te Whakanuia – Te Whakatiotanga
He aha te kupu e rapuhia ana e au? Mania. Ko ngā tohu tino kino o te limerence ka kitea i tēnei wā. Ko te aro nui ki tētahi atu tangata ka ārahi i te tangata ki ngā tauira whanonga whakangaro i a ia anō; te whai i a rātou i runga i te ipurangi, ngā tohu o te hae kino i roto i ā rātou taunekeneke ki ētahi atu, ngā wawata katoa mō āpōpō, me te tino whakararuraru.
Ko te mea e whakanuia ana ka whakatakotoria ki runga i te turanga karakia; he hunga harakore rātou, ā, kāore e taea te mahi he. Ko te tangata e kōrero whakahē ana i a rātou ka kiia he hoariri. Ko te whāinga he rapu i te whakaae me te whakamana o te hiahia aroha ahakoa te aha. Ka tino wehi te tangata kei whakakorea, ā, e hiahia ana kia kaua e riro i a ia. He roa te wā e pau ana ki te whakapūmau, ā, he kino ki te hinengaro – he whakaaro kei a koe mō te take e haere tahi ai te whakamāoritanga me te pouri?
3. Ngā tohu kua mutu te ngoikore o te kiri – Te hekenga o te kounga o te tinana
Ka pakaru te mānukanuka, ā, ka whai mai te pouri. I tēnei wāhanga, ka ngaro te mana o te ngākau aroha ki te hinengaro, ā, ka noho anō hei tangata noa iho. I te memeha haere o te koretake o te hinengaro, ka pāngia te tangata e te pouri nui, te pouri, me te kore harikoa. Whai muri i te roa o te wā e noho pukumahi ana ki ngā whakaaro o tētahi, ka ngaro te huarahi i te hokinga ohorere ki te ao tūturu. Me mahi rātou. wareware ki tētahi kāore anō kia piri tahi rāua.
He mea tino kitea te pouri i te wā e heke haere ana te kaha. Engari he mea tino tatarihia tēnei wāhanga, ā, he mea whai hua hoki i roto i te tirohanga whānui. Kia pahemo atu i tēnei, ka taea te tīmata te whakaora i a koe e aro ana ki a koe anō.
E kōrero ana a Tākuta Bhonsle mō ngā pānga kino o ēnei wāhanga o te whakahāwea, "He kino tonu te taha kotahi nā te mea ka ngaro te hononga ki te ao tūturu. He tino koretake te whakahāwea. Kāore he hononga ki te aroha i ngā huarahi katoa e taea te whakaaro. He tauutuutu tonu te aroha, engari kāore he utu mō te whakahāwea."
He Aroha Paitini te Limerence i te Taiao – 7 Ngā Tohu e Whakamārama Ana
I tuhituhi a Norman Mailer, "Ko te hiahia nui te mahi tino maumau a te tangata nā te mea me te hiahia nui ka hokihoki tonu koe ki te pātai kotahi, ā, kāore e whiwhi whakautu." Ki taku whakaaro ka whakaae koe ki a ia i muri i taku kitenga i ngā wāhanga o te limerence. Engari he tangata whakarite ahau e aroha ana ki ngā rārangi. Kāore e waiho he wāhi mō te koretake. Nō reira, koinei tonu te mea e whai ake nei.
Kua tae ki te wā ki te tirotiro i ngā tohu e whitu e whakaatu ana i te āhua paitini o te limerence. Ko te tumanako mā te mōhio ki a koe anō koe e ārai i a koe i ēnei whanonga whakakino i a koe anō.
1. Ko wai te nama 1?
Ehara i a koe, he pono. Ko tētahi o ngā ngoikoretanga tuatahi o te limerence ko te āhua e whakarerekē ana i ō kaupapa matua. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ina whakanoho koe i tētahi ki runga i te tūranga teitei, ka whakaiti aunoa koe i a koe anō. Ka noho ko rātou te kaupapa matua i roto i tō hinengaro, ā, ka noho ko tō oranga ki muri. Ā, ko te mea e wareware ai koe ki a koe anō, ehara i te mea hauora. Me tiaki tātou i a tātou anō - pērā anō te mahi a ētahi atu katoa."
Ka pā kino te ngoikore o te hinengaro, te kare ā-roto, me te tinana o te tangata. Ina nui rawa te hiranga o tētahi atu tangata, he nui rawa te utu mō ngā whai wāhitanga. Ka warewarehia ngā wāhanga kē atu o te ao; ka pāngia ō hiahia, ō matea, ō kare ā-roto, me ō wawata nā ngā whakaaro pukumahi e noho ana i roto i tō hinengaro. Ka wareware koe. me pēhea te aroha ki a koe anō.
Tirohia tēnei – ka whakatakotoria e koe te mea e hiahia ana koe ki te kite i mua. Ka whakatakotoria hoki e te mea e hiahia ana koe ki a rātou anō i mua, nā te mea kāore rātou i te whakaaro rite ki a koe. I roto i tēnei pikitia, kei hea tō oranga?
Te pānui e pā ana: He aha te tikanga ina wareware tetahi ki a koe?
2. Ngā tueke tāpiri (kare ā-roto)
Ko te ngoikore o te hinengaro he tohu mō ngā take kāore anō kia whakatauhia i mua. Ko ngā whanonga kino e ahu mai ana i ō tātou wheako me/ranei i ngā tau whanaketanga. Ka hangaia tātou e te raupapa o ngā aituā me ngā tukanga e pā kino ana ki a tātou. Kāore he mea e 'tupu' noa iho.
E whakamārama poto ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "He momo pohehe te Limerence, ā, ko te pohehe katoa he mea hei whakarato i te hanganga me te mahana i roto i te oranga o te tangata. E rua ngā take pea kei muri i tēnei: he tamarikitanga koretake me ngā whanaungatanga whānau, ngā tumanakohanga koretake rānei mai i ngā whanaungatanga. He tohu ēnei e rua e hiahia ana koe ki te āwhina. Mā ngā tāngata hauora ka hangaia he whanaungatanga hauora."
Tērā pea kua kite koe i ō mātua e pāngia ana e te wehenga kino i a koe e tamariki ana. Tērā pea he whānau kino, he whānau tukino rānei tōu. Tērā pea ko tōu he tangata whakamahi tarukino taku hoa o mua he tangata inu waipiro rānei. Ahakoa te mamae o te āhua i puta mai ai koe, he nui ngā taumahatanga kare ā-roto e pikau ana koe. Koinei te mea i arahi ai koe ki ngā tohu o te mate haurangi.
3. Ao, ko wai?
Pērā i te huruhuru manu e rere ana i waenganui o te rangi, e rere ana koe i roto i te hau mātao o te aroha kua hē te whakaaro. Kotahi koe me ngā kapua – kei tawhiti rawa atu i ngā raruraru o te ao. Ko te mea e arohaina ana e koe ko tāu anake e kite ana… He mārama, he hauhautanga ngā mea katoa… He ataahua… Tukua ahau kia ata whakahoki i a koe ki te whenua.
Ina kōrero tātou mō te aroha me te limerence, ka puta tonu mai tētahi āhuatanga motuhake. Ka puta mai i te limerence ngā āhuatanga kino rawa atu o te tangata. Ka pōuri, ka riri, ka hiahia nui, ka whakahaere, ka matekiri (i te wā kotahi). Nā te mea kua wehea rawatia rātou mai i te ao, ka tino whakararuraru rātou i tā rātou mahi me ō rātou oranga whaiaro. Engari ko te aroha…ko te aroha reka ka puta mai te pai rawa atu o te tangata.
Ko nga tangata takitahi aroha nui ki tētahi ko rātou te hunga tino pai rawa atu. Ka piki ake te whakaaro nui ki a rātou anō, ka nui ake te harikoa me te makona, ā, ka kaha ake te hihiri i roto i ā rātou mahi. Ka ngaro te mōhio ki ngā mea e tupu ana i te ao nā te ngoikore o te hinengaro. Heoi anō, ki tō whakaaro ehara i te mea paitini?
4. Te ngaronga o te mana whakahaere
Arā, te ngaronga o te mana whakahaere. Ina tukua e koe tētahi kia nohoia e te hinengaro, he nui te mana e tukuna ana e koe. He mana tō te mea ā-ringa ki tō wairua me tō āhua kare ā-roto; he hononga tika kei waenganui i ā rātou mahi me tō āhua. E rua ngā take o tēnei – te rapu i tā rātou whakaae me te karo i tā rātou whakakorenga. Engari ko te Ko te huarahi pai ki te whakatau i te whakahē ko te aro atu ki taua mea.
E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "He tino kaha te wehi o te whakakorenga, ā, me kī atu anō, he tino kaha rawa atu. He ao whānui te whakakorenga, ehara i te mea hei whakaaro whaiaro. Ko tōna tikanga ehara koe i te wāhanga o te mahere taketake a tetahi. Kāore e taea e koe te uru ki ngā wāhi katoa, ā, he pai tēnā. Engari, ko te whakamāoritanga ka whakanui ake i tēnei wehi; ko tētahi whakakorenga e kitea ana ka puta mai te ahua o te korenga."
Hei tauira, ka tukuna e koe he karere kuputuhi ki tō mea e hiahia ana koe ki te kōrero, hei karanga i a rātou ki tētahi pāti. Kei te pukumahi rātou ki tētahi mea, ā, ka whakautu mai i muri i ētahi haora. Ki te whakaaro koe he kore aro tēnei mai i tō rātou taha, ka totohu koe ki roto i te onepū o te pouri, te kore aro, me te pouri.
Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea taku neke atu i te aroha taha-kotahi? E kī ana tā mātou tohunga ki a koe…
5. Tukua kia tīmata ngā kēmu hinengaro – Ngā tohu o te ngoikore
Ka taea e te hunga e pāngia ana e te limerence te mahi i ngā mea tino uaua hei 'aroha'. Te whakahaere, te whakamahi hau, te tuku i te maimoatanga wahangu, ko te whakama, te whakatūkino, me te whakawhiti whakapae he torutoru noa iho (o te maha) tauira. Ā, anei te wāhanga whakamataku - tera pea kāore te mea e mōhio ana ki ngā kēmu e takarohia ana i roto i te hinengaro o te tangata.
Nā te mea ka arahi te limerence ki tētahi whanaungatanga rūpahu i roto i te hinengaro o te tangata, ka whakaaro rātou kei te whai wāhi te mea limerent ahakoa kāore he mea. Ko rātou anake kei roto i te hononga whakaaro. Ina tino hē te whakahaere, ka nui ake te morearea me te pōrearea o te whanonga.
E tohu ana a Tākuta Bhonsle i ngā tūponotanga mōrearea kei mua, "I tōna wā kino rawa atu, ka taea e te limerence te arahi ki te whaiwhai me te whakatoi. Ka pā kino hoki tēnei ki te mea limerent. Engari i runga i te taumata whaiaro, ka taea e te tangata e limerence ana te whakawhanake i tētahi mate hinengaro. He kino rawa ngā pānga hinengaro mō te tangata e pā ana ki tēnei."
6. Te matapōkere i roto i tō matapōkere
E ai ki tā mātou i whakamārama ai i mua, mā te limerence koe e titiro ki tētahi atu tangata he tino tika. Ka matapo koe ki ō rātou ngoikoretanga nā tō tirohanga whāiti. Mena he tangata paitini te mea limerent – he kaiwhakatoi, he tangata whakahāwea ira tangata, he tangata whakahāwea iwi, he tangata tukino rānei – tera pea ka tukinotia koe e rātou. Ā, ka whakamāramahia hoki tēnei e tō hinengaro (ka whakaipoipohia hoki). Kāore e taea e koe te tautuhi i te limerence me te kore te kupu 'koretake'.
Ka ngaro tō kaha ki te tū atu mōu ake i roto i ētahi āhuatanga. Ka whakanohoia koe e Limerence ki tētahi tūranga tino whakararuraru nā te mea ka tukua e koe te tangata kia takahi i ngā ture katoa. rohe aronganuiKāore he take ki te kī, i tukua e koe te mea uku kia hikoi puta noa i a koe. E ai ki te whakaaro nui a Mahatma Gandhi, "Kāore e taea e au te whakaaro ki tētahi mate nui atu i te ngaronga o te whakaute ki a ia anō."
Koinei anō te wāhi e rerekē ai te aroha. Ko te tikanga o te whanaungatanga aroha he titiro matatau ki tō hoa, me te whakaae ki a rātou me ō rātou ngoikoretanga. I roto i te aroha, i te aroha iti rānei, ko te aroha iti he mea e whai hua ana ki te whakaute me te tipu.
7. Ngā hua kino i muri mai
Ahakoa he mea ahuareka te aroha me te whakapūmautanga, he tino whakamataku te wāhanga whakamutunga o te limerence. I tētahi wā, ka kite te tangata kāore e tika ana te whakaari mō tā rātou mea limerent. Engari kāore tēnei mohiotanga e puta mai i a ia anake - ka whiwhi koe i ngā taonga tāpiri o te riri, te pouri, te pouri, me te pouri.
Ka roa pea te wā e whakatikatika ai te tangata i tēnei āhuatanga. Ka tīmata rātou ki te pā ki te tino pūtake me ngā tohu kua mutu te mahi. I tēnei wā, ko te rapu āwhina ngaio te huarahi pai rawa atu. E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Whakapā atu ki tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro, ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro rānei, kia whiwhi ai koe i tētahi aromatawai tika mō tō tūnga. I ngā wā tino kino, he kōwhiringa pai hoki te kimi i tētahi tohunga hinengaro. Kia mōhio koe kāore e taea e koe anake te ora ake."
He tokomaha ngā tāngata kua puta mai i ngā āhuatanga kare ā-roto uaua me te āwhina a ngā tohunga hauora hinengaro. Ka taea e koe te rapu āwhina mai i ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro me ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whai raihana i te rōpū Bonobology kia pai ake ai te tātari i tō āhuatanga. Ko te whakaora he pāwhiri atu.
Kua tae tātou ki te mutunga o tēnei aratohu whānui mō te limerence. Mā te atawhai o te Atua me te whakaaro nui, e kore koe e taka ki tēnei mahanga. E mōhio ana koe ki ngā mea kei te tatari māu? He hononga tūturu ki tētahi e arohaina ponotia ana e koe. Kei te haere mai, tatari noa. Kia tae rā anō ki taua wā, kia whai whakaaro nui, kia tupato. Ngā mihi nui ki a koe – poroporoaki!
FAQs
Kāore au i te tino mōhio mēnā ko ngā kupu 'triggers' te kupu tika. Ka kitea ngā tīmatanga o te limerence i te tamarikitanga o te tangata me ngā āhuatanga whānau koretake, ngā mātua tukino rānei. Waihoki, ko ngā whanaungatanga o mua pea i pā ki tā rātou momo piripono me te huarahi whakaipoipo. I ahu mai te limerence i ngā take kāore anō kia whakatauhia, putea kare, me/ranei te whara kāore anō kia tukatukahia.
E ai ki a Dorothy Tennov, nāna i tito te kupu, ka roa te wā o te limerence i waenga i te 18 marama ki te 3 tau. Ka rerekē i runga i te kaha o ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata. Mēnā ka ōrite te hiahia i te mutunga, ka kaha ake ngā kare ā-roto.
Kāore anō kia whakaaetia tēnei pātai e ngā tohunga. Ko tā ētahi he āe, ko tā ētahi he kāo. Engari ko te rangahau a Tennov te āhua nei e kī ana he koretake, he hauora hoki ngā whanaungatanga iti.
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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
