He tukanga uaua te neke whakamua, e tuku ana i te hunga pai rawa atu ki raro. Engari ina raru koe i te aroha taha kotahi, he rua ngā wero o te pakanga. Kāore he whakautu tino tika hei whakamārama me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ki a koe; he mea whakapouri te aroha kāore i utua, ā, kāore he rongoā mārama. Ahakoa kāore e taea e au te hoatu he whakautu kotahi mō te katoa, he iti noa ngā tohutohu me ngā rautaki hei āwhina i a koe i te ara.
He pai ake te kōrero mō tētahi kaupapa uaua, paparua hoki pēnei me tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro mātau hei hoa, hei kaiārahi hoki mō tātou. I tēnei rā kua Pragati Surekha, he tohunga hinengaro haumanu whai raihana, he mema kaiako hoki nō Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School. Kua tekau mā rima tau a Pragati e mahi ana i roto i te hauora hinengaro, ā, he tohunga ia ki te tohutohu takitahi mā roto i ngā rauemi āheinga kare ā-roto.
Kei konei ia hei whakautu i ō pātai katoa – Me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha mai ana ki a koe? Ka taea e koe te karo i ngā kare ā-roto aroha? Ā, ka taea rānei te mutu te aroha ki tētahi engari ka noho tonu hei hoa? Me rangahau hohonu tātou i ēnei āhuatanga o te neke atu i te aroha kāore i utua.
Ka taea e koe te mutu te aroha ki te tangata kāore e aroha ana ki a koe?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Tērā pea kua puta mai koe i tētahi whanaungatanga kino i mua te hoatu nui rawa atu i a koe anōAhakoa te aha te aroha i puta mai, nōu ake te pūtake. Tērā pea kei te aroha koe ki tētahi e kore e taea te whai hononga. Ahakoa pēhea, kei te rapu koe ki te kati i tēnei upoko o tō ao kia taea ai e koe te neke whakamua me te kimi anō i te harikoa. E mōhio ana ahau he ngāwari ake te kī i te mahi, i muri i ngā mea katoa, ka taea e koe te mutu te aroha ki tētahi e kore e aroha mai ki a koe?
Ahakoa te āhua nei kei te mutunga te ao, ka pai ake ngā mea i roto i te wā. Tērā pea he kupu hē te whakamahi i te kupu 'Kati', engari i te mutunga ka neke atu koe, ka poroporoaki ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe engari kāore e aroha mai ki a koe. Ka mahi koe i roto i ngā kare ā-roto kino, ā, ka kitea anō te harikoa. Engari me tino tupu tēnei tukanga. Kāore e taea e koe te tere haere i ngā mea me te kore e mahi i ētahi mahi taketake māu ake.
Pragati me te whakaaro nui, "Kāore e taea te hiahia kia ngaro atu te aroha, te wareware rānei i a koe e neke whakamua ana. Kāore e taea te akiaki i ō kare ā-roto. Ka noho tonu ēnei kare ā-roto mō tētahi wā, ā, me ako koe i te toi me te pūtaiao o te mahi tahi me rātou. Hoatu he wā, ā, whakapau kaha mai i tō taha. Ka memeha te mamae, ā, ka ora koe – ko te manawanui te tunu mō te whakaoranga."
E ai ki te kōrero, he uaua ngā mea katoa i mua i te ngāwari. I mua i tō pānui atu, anei tētahi kupu whakamīharo – he nui te tumanako mōu. Kia mau ki te whakaaro ki te whakaora i roto i tō ngākau, ā, arotahihia ō whakaaro katoa ki a koe anō. Ko tō oranga anake te mea hei āwangawanga māu, kaua ki te tangata e arohaina ana e koe. Ko te arotahi ki a koe anō te huarahi hei whakamutu i te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ana ki a koe. Nā te mea kua whakaritea e koe (ko te tumanako) ko koe te mea nui, ka taea e tātou te tīmata.
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9 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga hei Mutu i te Aroha ki te Tangata Kāore e Aroha ana ki a Koe
He kupu tohutohu tēnei i mua i tō whai i ēnei tohutohu – kaua e whakakorekore i tētahi o ngā whakaaro kua hoatu i raro nei. Whakamātauria ahakoa he iti noa iho, he 'kāore rānei i te pai ki a koe.' Me anga atu ki ēnei rautaki me te hinengaro tuwhera me te ngākau tuwhera; he maha ngā ara hei anga whakamua, ā, kāore koe e mōhio ko tēhea ka pai. Nohoia ia o ēnei whakaaro, ā, ka mimiti. Whakamahia i tāu ake ara nā te mea kāore he hōputu whānui mō te whakaora kare ā-roto.
Kei te tono noa atu ahau kia whakaarohia e koe ia ariā ahakoa kāore koe e pai ki tēnā. He pātai uaua rawa tāu – me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ana ki a koe? Nō reira, kāore e poto te whakautu. Pānuihia tonu kia kitea ai he aha tāu e taea ai i roto i tēnei āhuatanga. Ka noho tahi ahau me koe i ia taahiraa o te ara.
1. Aromatawai me te whakaae – Me pēhea e mutu ai tō aroha ki tētahi e tino arohaina ana e koe?
I tuhituhi whakaaro nui a Arthur Phillips, "E hia te roa o tōna oranga ka taea e ia te whakapau ki te mamae? Ehara te mamae i te āhua pumau; me whakatau hei mea." Ā, he pono anō hoki tēnei mōu. Te aroha kore kāore e pumau; ka tīmata te waikura i roto i a koe. Hei whakatau i tēnei kare ā-roto uaua, ka tīmata koe mā te aromatawai me te whakaae.
Me titiro koe ki te āhuatanga mai i tētahi tirohanga mahi noa iho. Pātai atu ki a koe anō kia toru ngā pātai mēnā kei te ngana koe ki te mārama me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ana ki a koe:
- He tumanako anō kei whakahokia mai taku aroha?
- Ka taea e au te aroha tonu ki a rātou, me te kore e whakararu i tōku ake harikoa?
- Ki te mea kua whakatakotoria e rātou tō rātou oranga ki mua, kāore ianei ahau e tika kia pērā anō hoki?
I te mea kāore he heke mai mō tēnei tangata, ko te huarahi mārama ki mua ko te neke whakamua. Whakaaetia ngā mea e rite ana ki tō rātou āhua; te kaha o ō kare ā-roto, te kore e taea o tētahi heke mai mō ēnei kare ā-roto, me te meka me tuku atu e koe. Awhitia ngā āhuatanga e toru, ā, tukua koe kia pouri. Ka taea e koe te tuku i te taha kare ā-roto kia whakahaere ina mārama koe ki te āhuatanga.
E whakamārama ana a Pragati, "Tirohia noa iho, ki te mea ka tukuna e koe he pereti kai ki tētahi, ā, kāore rātou i te hiakai, ka whakakahoretia e rātou tāu tono. Nā te mea kāore tāu e hoatu ana e uru ki tā rātou mahere. He rerekē ā rātou whakaritenga, ā, he tika tā rātou ki te kore e whakaae ki tāu tono. Ehara tēnei i te mea he ngoikore whaiaro, he hapa rānei i a koe. Ko te tikanga anake kāore i uru ngā wāhanga o te panga kōrero."
2. Me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ana ki a koe? Te tawhiti me te manawanui
He mea tino nui ēnei ina hiahia koe ki te poroporoaki ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe engari kāore e aroha mai ki a koe. Ko te ngana ki te noho hei hoa, ki te pupuri hononga rānei ki tētahi hoa o mua, te āhua nei kāore e whai hua nā te mea he maha tonu ngā wā e haere tahi ana me te hiahia huna kia hoki mai rātou. Ahakoa tō whakapono pai, ehara i te mea he harakore ngā whakaaro. He pai ake te pupuri i te tawhiti kotahi-ringa mai i te tangata e arohaina ana e koe.
Ehara i te mea me haere koe i te taha kē mēnā ka whakatata mai rātou ki a koe. Kaua e kōrero ki a rātou i waho o tō ara. Whakamahia te ture 'kōrero ina kōrerotia mai'. Mā te whakatakoto i tētahi tawhiti i waenganui i a kōrua ka kitea te āhua o ngā mea. He uaua ki te ine i te āhua o ō tātou kare ā-roto ina noho tahi tonu tātou me te tangata e kōrerohia ana.
Tuarua, kia manawanui ki a koe anō. Ki te hoki tonu tō hinengaro ki ō rātou whakaaro, ki te kore rānei e taea e koe te arotahi ki ngā mahi taketake, kaua e riri, kaua hoki e pōuri. Tērā pea ka pakaru tō pūngao i ngā mea iti rawa nā te mea kei te ngana koe ki te karo i ngā kare ā-roto aroha. Engari ka tae mai te rā kāore koe e whakaaro 'me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ki a koe.' Kia manawanui, ka pahemo anō hoki tēnei.
I tuhituhi tētahi kaipānui nō Nashville, "Kāore i ngāwari te manawanui ki ahau. I a au e ngana ana ki te wareware i taku hoa pai, ko te manawanui te mea tino hiahiatia e au. Nā te mea ina ngana koe ki te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ana ki a koe, ka tukuna e koe te riri ki roto. I hē anō hoki ahau i te ngana ki te kati te aroha ki tētahi engari me noho hei hoa"I muri i tētahi wā, ka tino paitini, ā, ka tīmata ahau ki te whakaaroaro hei āwhina i ahau kia pai ake."
3. Te poipoi i ētahi atu whanaungatanga
He nui te aroha kei roto i tō ngākau, kāore he wāhi hei haere atu. Koinā pea tō whakaaro. Tirohia anō ngā whanaungatanga utu nui e tohaina ana e koe ki ētahi atu – ō hoa, ō mātua, ō tuākana, tuākana, tae atu ki ō hoa mahi. Ka tino harikoa rātou ki te whiwhi i tō aroha i tēnei rā. Nō reira, tukua he karere ki tō hoa pai ka tūtaki ki a rātou mō te tina. Mātakihia he kiriata me ō mātua, tunua rānei he tina reka mā rātou. Ā, haere ki te tiki inu me taua hoa mahi ki te kōrero pakiwaitara mō te whanaungatanga hou i roto i te tari.
He tini ngā tāngata i roto i tō ao e whakanui ana i te hononga e tohaina ana e koe ki a rātou. E mōhio ana ahau kei te ngana koe ki te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e taea e koe te whiwhi, engari tukua tēnei aroha ki te poipoi i ngā hononga kē atu kei a koe. Kua roa ake ō hoa me tō whānau i tō hoa e arohaina ana e koe. Ko te aroha e puritia ana e koe mō tētahi hoa kāore e hoki mai. Engari kaua e ngana ki te mutu te aroha ki tētahi engari kia noho hei hoa, arotahi ki ētahi atu tāngata i roto i tō ao. Kaua e whakahawea ki tō pūnaha tautoko – whakakahangia i ia whai wāhitanga ka whiwhi koe.
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4. Te whai kia aroha ki a koe anō
He tino ataahua te kī a Pragati, "Ki taku whakaaro, ko te huarahi pai ki te whakatau i te aroha ko te aroha. (Koia te take kaua e karohia ngā kare ā-roto aroha.) Kia pakari tō turanga mō te aroha ki a koe anō, kua rite koe ki te whakatau i ngā wero e pā ana ki ngā whanaungatanga ki ētahi atu - tae atu ki te aroha kino, te aroha kore utu rānei. Me aro koe ki te aroha ki a koe anō i mua i te neke atu ki te aroha ki ētahi atu."
Me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ana ki a koe? Mā te whakapakari i te whanaungatanga ki a koe anō. He whakaaro haumaru tōu ki a koe anō? He tangata rānei koe patunga o te mauahara ki a ia anōHe aha tō momo piripono? Ko ēhea ngā wheako kua tautuhi i tō huarahi ki ngā whanaungatanga? Whakamātauria te whakautu i ēnei pātai māu ake mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e taea e koe te whiwhi.
Kimihia ngā wāhi raruraru, ka whakatau i ngā raruraru. Ko koe te kaiwhakawā pai rawa atu mō ngā ngoikoretanga o tō pukupuku. Hei tauira, ki te mea ko te iti o te whakaaro ki a koe anō te raruraru, me whai kia maia, kia māia hoki. Ki te mea he wāhanga kāore i a koe ngā pūkenga kōrero, whakamātauria ō pūkenga pāpori ki ngā mahi ngāwari.
5. Kati te aroha ki tētahi kāore e taea e koe mā te rapu āwhina ngaio
Me pēhea e mutu ai tō aroha ki tētahi i arohaina ponotia e koe, e pātai ana koe? Tērā pea he tino whai hua te pupuri ringa iti mōu. Ka taea e tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro te āwhina i a koe ki te whakatere i tēnei wā uaua o tō ao. He maha ngā āwangawanga ka puta mai ina he taha kotahi tō aroha. Ka whakaekea koe e ngā kare ā-roto o te whakakorenga, te riri, te pouri, te pouri, te pōuri me te manukanuka i te wā kotahi. He uaua te kimi me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ana ki a koe. I ngā wā tino kino, ka whakaatu te tangata i te Tuhinga o mua rawa.
Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro, te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro rānei whai raihana te ārahi i a koe i roto i ēnei kare ā-roto kino. I Bonobology, kei a mātou he rōpū tohunga hei āwhina i a koe, he hunga pāwhiri atu. Ka taea e rātou te āwhina i a koe ki te aromatawai i tō āhuatanga. Tena koa whakapā mai ki a mātou mēnā kei roto koe i te wāhi hinengaro hauora – kei konei mātou hei tautoko i a koe, ā, e mārama ana mātou he tino mamae te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha mai ana ki a koe.
He mea tika kia kaua e aro ki ngā whakaaro katoa he nui rawa te whakawhirinaki ki a ia anō, kāore e taea te whakaora i a ia anō. I wehe kē taku tuahine, ā, kei te aroha tonu ia ki tana tāne o mua. Engari kāore i taea te whakatau i ō rāua rerekētanga, ā, ko te noho tonu ki roto i te marena he mea whakararu i tōna mana. Kāore i taea e ia te neke atu, engari i kaha tonu ia ki te mahi pēnā, ka toro atu ia ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro. Ahakoa i kore e rerekē te huarahi o tana haerenga, he maeneene ake te huarahi.
6. Te whakawhiti i tō pūngao ki tētahi atu wāhi
He kaupapa kei te mahi kei te whakaaro koe ki te mahi? He mea māmā ake rānei – he pukapuka e hiahia ana koe ki te pānui? Whakamahia tēnei wā ki te mahi i ēnei mea. Ehara i te mea kia whakararuraru i te hinengaro te whāinga, engari kia ārai i a ia kei paheke ki te ngenge, ki te pouri rānei. He mahi tino pai ēnei mō te wā e takakau engari kāore anō kia rite ki te whakauru. He maha ngā kōrero a te tangata mō ngā harikoa iti o te ao; he kapu kawhe pai, he mātakitaki i te tōnga o te rā, he hikoi i te pāka, he noho i roto i te whare i te pō ua, me ētahi atu. He aha te mea e hari ai koe?
Kia maumahara ki te waiata ngā pata ua i runga i ngā rōhi, ngā pāhau i runga i ngā punua ngeruAhakoa he aha ētahi o ō mea tino pai, whakamahia wawe tonu! Ka taea e koe te tīmata i tētahi mahi whakangahau hou, te ako rānei i tētahi reo. He mutunga kore ngā mea ka taea mēnā kei te rapu koe i ngā mea hou hei whakamātautau. Ā, ki te kore koe e hiahia ki te whakamātautau (he tino mārama), whakaurua ētahi tikanga e pai ana ki a koe. Hei tauira, ko taku tikanga whakamarie ko te pānui pukapuka i runga i te moenga.
He tino whakarihariha te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha mai ana ki a koe. Kua kite katoa tātou i a Ross Geller e pāngia ana e te aroha taha kotahi. Engari mā te rārangi mahi, mā te rārangi mahi rānei, ka taea te tāpiri i tētahi tae ki tō ao ina pōuri te ao. Mā te rapu kaha i te harikoa me te waihanga i taua harikoa ka mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha mai ana ki a koe.
7. Te tirohanga whānui ki ngā mea
He tirohanga moroiti, he tirohanga whānui. Ko te tuatahi ka waiho koe ki te āhua patunga, ki te āhua whara rānei. Ka whakaaro koe, "Koinei te mea kino rawa atu ka pā ki ahau. Ā, me pēhea e mutu ai te aroha ki tētahi i arohaina ponotia e koe? He kino katoa ngā mea." Engari he whakaaro nui ake te tirohanga whānui ki te whakautu - me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ki a koe? Whakarongo mai i te tohunga tonu:
E kī ana a Pragati, "Tērā pea kei te whai wāhi tēnei wheako ki tō haerenga hei tangata pai ake, ā, hei hoa rangatira anō hoki. Nā te mea i roto i te wā ka mōhio koe ki ngā wāhi i hē ai koe. He whai wāhitanga tēnei ki te wareware, ki te ako anō, me te ako anō. Kaua e tukua kia whakapohehetia tō tirohanga ki te aroha whānui e tētahi wāhanga; he maero kei mua i a koe."
Titiro mai? Kāore ianei tēnei i te tirohanga pai ake? I te tirohanga whānui, ko tēnei huihuinga tētahi o ngā huihuinga maha hei ārahi i a koe ki tō hoa rangatira pono. Whakahonoretia tōna hiranga i roto i tō haerenga, engari kaua e tukua kia nui rawa te mana. Aroha mai mō te tuku kupu kīwaha ki a koe, engari he wāhanga noa iho tēnei o tō oranga, ehara i te mea ko tō oranga katoa.
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8. Ko te kimi i tētahi putanga kare ā-roto te huarahi hei whakamutu i te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha mai ana ki a koe
I tuhituhi a Cassandra Clare, "He āhua wairangi te aroha kāore i utua, ā, ka meinga te hunga kei roto kia whanonga wairangi." Kāore au e hiahia kia toremi ō pouri i roto i te waipiro, kia haurangi hoki koe ki te waea atu ki te tangata e arohaina ana e koe. Kāore hoki au e hiahia kia tukua koe e koe mā te kai nui, te kore kai rānei. Kāore e taea te whiriwhiri i te oranga hauora i ngā wā katoa. Ahakoa kei te ngana koe ki te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e taea e koe te whiwhi.
E kī ana a Pragati, "He huarahi pai te yoga, te whakaaroaro, te aroātahi, te tuhi i ngā tuhinga, me ērā atu mea, hei whakahoki mai i tō taurite kare ā-roto. He tino whai wāhi te tuhi i ngā tuhinga ki tō tipu me tō mōhio ki a koe anō. Mā tēnei ka mārama ake koe i te tirohanga whakamuri mō te whanaungatanga me koe anō. Tērā pea ka kite koe i ngā pānga me ngā hapa o mua i roto i te tirohanga pai ake." Engari i te whakatau i ngā whakatau kino ka tino pouri koe i muri mai, me whai i ngā mahi hei whakatipu i a koe.
9. Te hoki ki te papa tākaro
Ehara tēnei i te tīkiti ki te hono atu, ki te uru atu rānei ki tētahi whanaungatanga kore hereHe taahiraa tēnei ka puta i muri mai – ina mutu tō raruraru, ā, ina kore koe e haere ki te whakaipoipo hei whakaoho i te hae o tētahi. Ki te kite koe i te ahua o te rapu utu, o te whakataetae rānei i a koe e whakarite ana i tētahi whakaipoipo, whakakorea tonutia. Nā te mea he huarahi tēnei ki ngā kēmu hinengaro kāore he tangata ke atu i a koe e takaro ana.
Kei te pātai tonu koe me pēhea te mutu te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ana ki a koe? Ki te whakaaro koe kua hoki koe ki tētahi wāhi ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i tō oranga ki tētahi, haere ki tētahi, ki ētahi rānei rā. Kia tino pai tō wā, kia ngana hoki ki te mōhio pai ki a ia. Tirohia mēnā he hototahi kōrua, mēnā he hononga, ā, he hoahoa anō hoki. Kia āta haere, kia pai te tukanga whakaipoipo. Ko tēnei wāhi whakamarie o te noho takitahi harikoa engari tuwhera ki te whakahoahoa te wāhi ka tae atu koe.
Ahakoa te ahua iti noa iho o ēnei tohutohu i te pānui tuatahi, ehara i te mea uaua ki te whakatinana. E whakapono ana ahau ki tō kaha ki te tohe tonu. Kei a koe ngā whakautu mō te whakamutu i te aroha ki tētahi kāore e aroha ana ki a koe, nō reira tīmata ki te whakamahi – kia ora tō haerenga!
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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
