15 Ngā Huarahi Maamaa hei Whakaoho i te Tāne kia Hae

He mahi tinihanga te whakaoho i a ia kia hae, engari kaua e ngaro. Tākarohia kia tika, tera pea ko tō mana nui. Tākarohia kia hē, tera pea ka kino rawa atu. Ka taea e koe te whakahoki mai i a ia, te ngaro rānei i tōna whakawhirinaki i roto i te tukanga. Nō reira, me pēhea te whakaoho i te hae o te tāne i te nui e tika ana? Me pēhea te ātaahua me te mōhio ki tēnā? Ā, ko te mea nui, he aha koe i whakaoho ai i a ia kia hae i te tuatahi?

I ētahi wā, ka noho mārire pea te tāne, ka tīmata te kore aro ki tō aroha i muri i te mutunga o te 'whai' tuatahi. Ina tupu tēnei, kāore he kino o te ruru i a ia i roto i tōna rohe whakamarie hei kukume i tōna aro. Engari me pēhea e hae ai tō hoa tāne, me te kore e puta he tangata kino e pai ana ki te whara i tana hoa tāne? Kia kite tātou.

Te Mahi a te Hae – Te Pūtaiao

Kia maumahara koe i tō tamarikitanga, ka huri te āhua o tētahi atu taonga tākaro hei mea ātaahua ake ki a koe i te wā e hiahia ana tō tuakana/teina ki a ia? Koinei te āhua o te hae – ka nui ake tō hiahia ki a koe i roto i ōna kanohi ina kite ia e hiahia ana ētahi atu ki a koe. Mā te hae noa ka mōhio ia ki tōna waimarie me tōna whakawhetai ki a koe i roto i tōna ao.

He whanonga noa iho tēnei a te tangata – e hiahia ana koe ki tētahi mea kino, ka whakapau kaha koe ki te tiki. Kia whiwhi koe i tētahi mea, ka wareware koe ki te nui o tō hiahia me te kaha i whakapaua e koe ki te whakatutuki i tō whāinga! I konei, ka mahi te hae hei whakamahara ngawari ki te whakatakoto i ō kaupapa matua me te whakanui i te mea (te tangata rānei) he mea nui.

I roto i tētahi rangahau i whakahaerehia ki ngā ākonga o te whare wānanga i roto i ngā hononga i mua i te mārenatanga, i tautuhia ngā āhuatanga pai me ngā āhuatanga kino o te hae aroha, me te wehewehe mārama i te hae kare ā-roto/tauhohe hei mea pai, me te hae hinengaro/whakapae hei mea kino.

"He pai te iti o te hae i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora ," te kī a te tohunga tātai tangata koiora a Helen Fisher, Ph.D., te kaituhi o te pukapuka Why We Love , "Ka ara ake koe. Ina whakamaharatia koe he ātaahua tō hoa, ā, he waimarie koe, ka taea e ia te whakaoho i a koe kia pai ake, kia hoa ake. Heoi, ina roa te hae, ina ngoikore, ā, ina kitea whānuitia - āe, koinā te wā ka raru ai."

Pānui e Pā Ana: 20 Ngā Tohu Kāore Ia e Aroha Ana ki a Koe – Kaua e Whakamomori i tō Wā!

he aha te mea e hae ai te tāne?

Ko te whakaoho i te hae hei pupuri i te mura o te whanaungatanga tētahi o ngā mahi tinihanga tawhito rawa atu o te pukapuka. He maha ngā wā ka whakamahia e ngā wāhine tēnei tikanga nā te mea he tino whai hua mēnā ka whakamahia marietia. Ahakoa he tāne, he wahine rānei, kāore e roa te pēhi i te pātene matau me te whakaoho i te hae hei tuku i te māramatanga nui ki tō hoa mō ngā mea e ngaro ana i a rātou nā te kore aro ki a koe.

Ahakoa tōna tūpato i roto i te whanaungatanga, he iti noa ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakahāwea i ngā tāne. Hei tauira, i kōrero tētahi kaiwhakamahi Reddit mō te mea kotahi e tere ake ana i te mārama, ā, e pā kino ana ki ngā tāne, "Te takaro ki ētahi atu tāne. He maha ngā wā ka kī ngā wāhine he hoa noa iho rātou, ā, ka whakamahia e rātou tētahi momo whakamārama mō tēnā, engari ki ahau nei, he kōrero teka noa iho. Ae, kāore pea rātou e whakaaro ki te mahi i tetahi mea engari he tino whakaute."

Ahakoa he nui ake tōna wā e noho ana ki ana kēmu ataata i a koe, ehara i te mea kei te rapu huarahi ia mō te mawhiti. Me akiaki pea ia kia maumahara ki tō aroaro me te meka ka ora tonu ngā whanaungatanga katoa i runga i ngā mahi ōrite a ngā hoa e rua.

I mua i tā mātou whakamārama atu ki a koe mō ngā mea e hae ai tō tāne, me mōhio koe ki tōna āhua tūturu. Mena he āhua pōturi tōna tinana, ka taea e te hae te whakaoho i ētahi mahi kino kāore koe e hiahia ki te aro atu. Ki te kore, kāore he kino ki te hoatu ki a ia he horopeta o tana ake rongoā, ā, anei ētahi huarahi ka taea e koe te mahi:

• Te noho tawhiti, te kore e aro atu ki a ia me te kore e hoatu ki a ia tana wāhi o te aroha me te aro
• Te noho i tō ake ao i runga i ō ake tikanga, kaua hoki e whakawhirinaki ki a ia
• Te whakakore i ngā rā i te meneti whakamutunga
• Kaua ko koe te tangata e waea mai ana, e tuku karere ana i te tuatahi
• Ngā taipitopito o ō whanaungatanga moepuku me ō hoa o mua
• Te aro atu ki ngā tāne katoa o tōu ao engari ko ia anake
• Te pupuri i te moepuku

Pānui e pā ana: 9 Ngā Tohu o te Whakamarie i roto i te Hononga

Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakahaehae i tō Tāne, Hei Whakanui i tō Hiahia ki a Koe

I mea te kaituhi a Mwanandeke Kindembo, "Ki te kore te hae, ka tineia te mura o te aroha. Ko te hae te wahie o ngā whanaungatanga me te marena. I taua wā anō, ka patua e te hae te aroha i roto i te aroha." E ai ki a Kindembo, he rārangi angiangi kei waenganui i te hae me te hae. Ko te hae te kare o te ngaro o tētahi āhuatanga e maiohahia ana e tō hoa i roto i ētahi atu. Heoi, ko te hae he kare kei te mōrearea te tango atu i tētahi mea, i tētahi rānei e arohaina ana e koe. 

I mua i tō rapu huarahi hei whakaoho i te hae o te tangata, kia mahara he mea rerekē te whakaoho i a ia kia hae i roto i te āhua ātaahua, engari ka tere tonu te huri hei kēmu morearea mena he tangata aro nui ia, kāore rānei koe i te mōhio me pēhea te whakatakoto i te rohe. Ehara i te mea kia whakaaro ia kei te ngaro i a ia tetahi mea. Engari me aukati i a ia kia kaua e mārire, e whakaaro noa ana ki a koe . Nā, me pēhea te whakaoho i te hae o te tāne? Anei ngā huarahi mohio e 15:

1. Te whakakakahu 

Ahakoa ehara i te mea whakaaro nui te whakaoho i tō hoa tāne kia hae i roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti, he pai te whakamātau i tēnei mēnā kāore ia i waea mai mō ngā rā e toru karapīpiti. Mā te mau i tētahi mea ātaahua ki tētahi pāti ka ea te mahi, nā te mea ka kite ia i ngā pikitia. Ko taua kākahu kore-tuara e whakama ana koe ki te mau? Kākahuria, ka hanga he kanohi auahi.

Ka hinga ia ki te mate me te whakaaro kei te ngaro i a ia. Ka whakamate ia i te whakaaro kei te titiro mai ngā tāne katoa ki a koe. Engari whakapono mai ki ahau, kāore te iti o te FOMO e whara i tetahi. Ehara i te mea kino te hae hauora .

2. Me pēhea te meinga tō hoa tāne kia hae? Whakamahia te pāpāho pāpori me te mohio

He huarahi mohio te tuku kōrero ki ngā pāpāho pāpori hei whakaoho i a ia kia hae, kia nui ake ai tōna hiahia ki a koe. Tukua he karere ki tō Instagram mā te tuku ake i ngā wā harikoa o te pō whakangahau a ō kōtiro. Me kī atu ki a ia kāore tō ao e huri noa i a ia, ā, ka taea e koe te noho pai ko koe anake. E whakaaro ana ia kāore e taea e koe te noho me te kore ia, ā, me hoki atu koe ki a ia i te mutunga o te rā ahakoa tana whanonga.

Nō reira, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakaatu ki a ia mā roto i ō mahi he oranga tōu ake, ā, kāore ō taunekeneke pāpori e tīmata, e mutu rānei ki a ia anake. Mā tēnei ka noho mataara tonu tō hoa tāne ina mōhio ia ehara ia i te puna anake o tō harikoa. Ina kite ia kei te heke haere tōna tūranga i roto i tō ao, ka kaha ake tana mahi. Mā te whakaatu ki a ia kei te harikoa koe ahakoa kāore ia, koinei pea te horopeta ngawari o te hae ka whaia koe e ia.

3. Whakaaturia ki a ia he karere whakapāpāho a tetahi

Kaua e mirimiri ki tōna mata, engari ki te pā mai tētahi ki a koe, ka taea e koe te whakauru mārire ki roto i tētahi kōrero ki tō hoa tāne, ka whakaoho i te hae. Hei whakaoho i te hae o tētahi tāne, ka taea e koe te kī pēnei, "Hei, nā Marshall ahau i whakauru ki tēnei whakaaturanga hou ko Euphoria te ingoa, he tino rawe."

Kia maumahara, me paku noa te whakahua. KAUA e wairangi. Ki te uru mai tetahi ki tō karere whaiaro me tētahi kupu whakataki ngāwari , tangohia he pikitia o te mata ka tukuna atu ki a rātou. He kino te tangi? He paku noa iho pea. Engari kāore e roa, ka noho pūmau ia, ka whitiki i tōna whitiki. Koinei te huarahi e whakamahia ai e koe te hae hei painga mōu.

4. Te noho hoa ki ōna hoa

Me pēhea te meinga tō hoa tāne kia hae? Kata nui ki ngā katakata a tōna hoa pai. Hoatu he aro nui ki tētahi o ōna hoa i ērā atu. Ka mura ia. Kaua e nui rawa, kei puta he āhua whakarihariha ki a koe. Me meinga ōna hoa tāne kia pai ki a koe, kia aro mai hoki ki a koe. Kia mahara, ina tīmata koe ki te tākaro i tēnei kēmu, tera pea ka pērā anō ia. Nō reira, ina takaro tō hoa ki ētahi atu i tētahi pāti i mua i a koe, kia ngau tō arero, kia horomia hoki tō riri. Kaua e tinihanga, kei te pai?

5. Ngā whakautu tōmuri

He mahi pai te noho ipurangi me te kore whakautu mai hei whakaoho i te hae o tō hoa. Kaua e mahi i tēnei i ia rā. Kaua e tino whakapataritari i a ia. Engari i ētahi wā, ka tino whakarihariha te whakautu wawe. Ki te mea kāore ia i te wātea i ēnei rā, kāore he he o te hoki whakamuri. Kia ahua utu nui, kia pukumahi hoki mō tētahi wā poto. 

I roto i tētahi rangahau mō te marena e kīia nei ko The Early Years of Marriage Project , kua whai i ngā tāne marena 373 mō ngā tau neke atu i te 25, i kitea ko te kore o te tūmataitinga, te kore rānei o te wā mōu ake i whai wāhi ki tētahi whanaungatanga pouri. Nō reira, ko te mahi pukumahi me te kore e whanoke ka taea te mahi whakamiharo hei tikanga mō te whakakatakata. Engari kia tino mohio kei piki haere ki te wahangu, ki te ārai rānei.

6. Hinga ana i te aroha ki tētahi tangata rongonui

Ko Tom Cruise tēnā? Mā te kōrero mō te aroha ki tētahi whetu rongonui ka nui ake te hae o tō tāne i tō whakaaro. Kāore tonu taku māmā i te pai ki a Meryl Streep nā te mea he pānui nui a taku pāpā mō Streep i roto i tōna rūma moe i a ia e noho ana i te kāreti. Ahakoa te ahua whakakatakata, ka taea e koe te hae i tō hoa tāne hou mā te miharo ki ngā aroha o ngā whetu rongonui. Ā, mā tēnei mahi tinihanga harakore, kāore koe e manukanuka ki te "I ngana ahau ki te mea i hae ia, ā, i hoki mai" nā te mea e kore rawa te āhuatanga e puta kē.

Pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te mea kia pouri ia mō te tango noa i a koe

7. Me mahi ia kia aro atu koe ki a ia 

Kei te mahara koe i te wā kāore anō kōrua kia tīmata te whakaipoipo, ā, he hoa noa iho kōrua, he kōrero noa iho rānei? Ka mahia e ia ngā mea katoa hei kukume i tō aro me te waihanga i tētahi wāhi mōna i waho o te rohe hoa , tika? Anei tētahi kēmu tinihanga māu hei whakamahara anō i aua rā. Mā te takaro uaua ki te tiki ka taea e ia te whai i a koe pērā i ngā wā o mua.

Nō reira, ina haere kōrua ki tētahi pāti, me aro nui atu ki ētahi atu. Kōrero ki ētahi atu, whakawhanaunga, kanikani, me te noho humarie ki a rātou. Tukua ia kia titiro mai ki a koe i tawhiti, kia miharo hoki ki tō pai ki te tangata. Tukua ia kia haere mai ki a koe i te mutunga. He rite ki tētahi kēmu whakaari whakahihiri e whakatata atu ai kōrua i te mutunga.

8. Whakamōhiotia ia ki ō hoa tāne

Me whakahāwea ia mā te whakauru atu i a ia ki tō tira. Mēnā he tangata e aroha ana ki a koe, kua tono rānei kia haere tahi kōrua, he pai ake! Me kī, he aroha tō hoa a Paul ki a koe. Ina kite tō hoa tāne i te āhua o te titiro a Paul ki a koe, ka hae ia, ā, ka nui ake tōna hiahia ki a koe. Engari karohia mēnā ko tō whāinga anake he whakamamae i a ia…koinei tētahi o ngā tohu o tētahi whanaungatanga kino. Engari ki te mahi ia pērā i te hoa tāne kore whakawhetai, me whakamōhio ia ehara ko ia anake te tāne i tēnei ao.

9. Kaua e tono āwhina ki a ia

Ki te pai tō hoa tāne rangatira ki te mahi hei 'toa', hei 'kaiwhakaora' rānei i ngā wā katoa, kaua e tono āwhina i a ia mō tētahi wā. Ā, kua kitea e koe te huarahi hei whakaoho i te hae o tētahi tāne. Ko tāu noa iho he mea kia rite ia ki tētahi mea kāore e hiahiatia ana i roto i tō ao. Me haere koe ki te hoko kai? Me kawe he hoa tāne ātaahua. Me hiahia koe ki tētahi hei kawe i a koe ki te tākuta? Me tono atu ki tō hoa noho kia haere tahi koe. Me haere ko koe anake rānei.

Ko tētahi tēnei o ngā mahi tinihanga nui hei whakaoho i a ia kia hae, kia kore ai ia e ngaro, ā, ka puta wawe mai ia. Ahakoa ko te hae, i tōna āhua tino kaha, ka taea te whakangaro i te whakaaro nui o te tangata ki a ia anō, ā, ka uru pea ia ki te ruarua i a ia anō, me te whakaaro kāore ia i te pai. Nō reira, kia tino tupato koe ki tēnei mea, ki te kore, ka taea e te hae i roto i ngā whanaungatanga te huri hei pakanga kino, hei keemu rapu utu, me ētahi atu.

10. Whakahuatia noa tō hoa o mua

Kaua e kī atu ki tō hoa tāne kei te ngaro koe i tō hoa o mua, kei te hiahia rānei koe kia hoki mai ia. Āe, he mahi nanakia, he mahi hē hoki tēnā! Nā, me pēhea te meinga tō hoa tāne kia hae? Mā te whakahua noa i tō hoa o mua i waenganui o te kōrero. Hei tauira, "Āe, ki taku whakaaro kua tae kē māua ki konei me taku hoa o mua." Anō, ko te whāinga i konei ehara i te mea hei whakamā ki a ia engari hei tango i a ia i te hinengaro whakahihi e maka ana i tō kōrua whanaungatanga ki roto i te puna kaukau.

Pānui e pā ana: Ngā Āhuatanga Mana i roto i ngā Hononga – Me pēhea te pupuri i tōna hauora

11. Kaua e tauhohe ina takaro ia

Mā tēnei ka porangi ia. Ina mutu tana whakamahi i ngā kupu whakakatakata e whakamahia ana e ia i ngā wā katoa, kaua e whakautu. Me pēhea te meinga tō hoa tāne kia hae i runga i ngā karere kuputuhi? Kaua e aro ki ana karere whakakatakata. Ka hae rawa ia, ka whakaaro me whakapau kaha ia, ā, kāore e taea e ia te mahi i ngā wā katoa e pai ai ia. Tērā pea ka whakaaro ia mēnā he tangata hou kei roto i tō ao. Tērā pea ka huri te hae hei hihiri kia pai ake ai tana hoa tāne.

12. Whakamahia tō waea ina kōrero ia i tētahi mea

Ki te kore ia e whakarongo pai i ngā rā tata nei, me whai i ana ture mō ngā rā e rua, ā, mātakitaki i ana tauhohenga. Ina ngana ia ki te kōrero i tētahi mea nui, tirohia a Instagram, whakautua ngā kōrerorero, whakautua rānei ngā waea mahi, pērā i tana mahi. Kaua e hoatu ki a ia te aro katoa kua taunga ia ki te whiwhi mai i a koe. Tangohia he wā hei okioki mai i te rapu huarahi hei hoa wahine pai ake māna. Ka porangi ia i tēnei.

He maha ngā wā ka hoatu e Aaron Doughty, he kaiako oranga, tētahi tauira o tētahi hoa i roto i ana ataata YouTube. Ka pāngia tonutia tana hoa e ētahi atu tāne ina kei roto ia i tētahi hononga engari ina takakau ia, kāore tetahi e pāngia ana ia. He aha ai tēnei? E ai ki a Aaron, ko te nui ake o tō wehenga me te nui ake o tō whakamanawanui i a koe anō, ka nui ake te kukume i te aroha. Engari ki te mahi koe i te ritenga kē, arā, ki te hiahia nui koe ki te aroha me te piri tonu ki te whakaaro mō taua mea, ka tīmata koe ki te pana i te tangata e ngana ana koe ki te kukume.

13. Me pēhea te meinga te tangata kia hae? Kia ngaro

Ko tētahi huarahi hei whakahāwea i te tangata ko te huna i tō wāhi noho. He pai hoki tēnei ina e ngana ana koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakahāwea i tētahi tāne mā te karere kuputuhi, mā te kanohi rānei. Me ngā whakautu pēnei i te "He nui ngā mahi kei mua i ahau i tēnei wā" me te "I tahuna te pāti inapo". Kaua e kōrero taipitopito. Kia koretake, kaua e kōrero teka. Ki te mea kei te mataku ia ki te noho tahi me koe, he nui tēnei hei akiaki i a ia kia hoki ki te huarahi tika. Ko te mea ngaro pea te huarahi pai hei whakahāwea i tō hoa tāne i roto i tētahi hononga tawhiti.

14. Whakamoemititia tētahi atu tāne i mua i a ia

Ko tāu noa iho he whakanui i tētahi atu i mua i a ia hei mea i tō hoa tāne kia hae ai. Ka taea e koe te kī atu, "Hei, he pai ki ahau tō tai" ki tētahi tauhou e haere ana i te toa hokohoko, te kī atu rānei, "I tino pai ahau ki ngā kākahu o tō hoa, o Robert, inanahi". E whakaatu ana ngā rangahau he nui ake te whakataetae o te tāne noa i te wahine noa.

I te taha pai, ka taea e te whakataetae te akiaki i te tangata kia kaha ake te mahi, kia pai ake hoki te mahi. Engari, i te taha kino, ka taea e ia te whakararu i tō rātou whakapono ki a rātou anō me te whakaaro nui ki a rātou anō. Nō reira, he pai ake kia kaua e tino kaha ki tō hoa aroha me te kī i tētahi mea mamae pēnei i te, "He nui ake te angitu me te whai hua o taua tangata i a koe."

Pānui e pā ana: 10 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Mena Kei te Kitea Koe Kāore I Te Maiohatia I Roto I Tō Hononga

15. Te tirotiro i tētahi tāne 

Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakamātau i ō rohe, ka taea e koe te tirotiro i tētahi tangata tauhou ātaahua kei mua i a ia, te takaro noa rānei i tētahi tāne i te wā e titiro mai ana tō hoa tāne. Me mahi noa tēnei mēnā he tangata hākinakina tō hoa tāne. Ki te kaha ia ki te tutu, ki te mahi kino rānei ina hae ia, ka taea e koe te whakaaro anō ki te tākaro i tēnei kēmu. Āe, me whakaaro anō pea koe ki te noho i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga.

Ko te tumanako ka whai hua tēnei tuhinga ki a koe. Waihoki, ki te mea he tangata koe e hae wawe ana i roto i ō whanaungatanga, ā, koinei te mea i ārahi i a koe ki te kimi huarahi hei whakaoho i te hae o tētahi tāne, kaua e manukanuka, he kare ā-taiao te hae, he kare ā-pākehā hoki. Inaa, mā te hae tātou e hanga hei tangata . Me "Tahuri noa te mura o te hae hei ahi whakapai ake i a koe anō", e ai ki tā Donna Goddard i roto i tana pukapuka Writing: A Spiritual Voice , ā, arotahi ki tō ake haerenga, kia puāwai tonu.

Kua whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te Oketopa 2022. 

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13 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakamōhio i a Ia ki Tō Utu

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