Ngā Whakatūpato i roto i ngā Hononga: He Whai Hua, he Whakararu rānei?

E puta ake ana ngā āhuatanga mō te pai o te noho tahi, te kore rānei e pai te noho tahi i roto i te oranga o te tokorua. Heoi anō, kāore e taea e te tokorua te whakaae ki ngā mea katoa. Engari ina noho hei mea noa ngā whakahē i ngā whakaritenga, ka tīmata ngā hoa ki te tuku kupu whakatūpato i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. I te nuinga o te wā ka puta mai ēnei i te tihi o te pakanga ina tino kaha te tangata ki te whakaae. Koinei te whakaaro o tātou.

Me mārama tātou ki tēnei āhuatanga; kāore e taea te whakarōpū i ngā whakatau whakamutunga i roto i te marena, i te hononga rānei, he pai, he kino rānei. Nō reira, ka matapakihia e tātou ngā āhuatanga uaua o te kaupapa me Utkarsh Khurana (MA Clinical Psychology, Ph.D. scholar) he kaiako manuhiri i Te Whare Wānanga o Amity, ā, he tohunga ki ngā take manukanuka, ngā whakapono kino, me te takitahi i roto i te whanaungatanga, hei tauira noa iho.

Ko tā mātou arotahi ko ngā take kei muri i te whakatūpato me te auau o aua whakatūpato whakamutunga. Mā ēnei āhuatanga e rua tātou e āwhina ki te whakatau mēnā he pai, he kino rānei ngā whakatūpato. Hei tāpiri atu ki tēnei, ka kōrerohia e mātou me pēhea te whakautu ki tētahi whakatūpato me te marino. Me whakautua ō pātai katoa i ia taahiraa, i ia taahiraa. Anei ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe ki te mōhio mō ngā whakatūpato i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.

He aha ngā Ultimatum i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?

I mua i te ruku hohonu ki te tātari i ngā whakatūpato whanaungatanga, he mea nui kia tautuhia. E ai ki a Utkarsh, ka puta ngā whakatūpato ina tū pakari tetahi hoa, e whakaatu ana i ngā hua kino mēnā ka tohe tonu tetahi. I ētahi wā, ko te tuku whakatūpato te huarahi whakamutunga i muri i te whakaara ake i ngā take e pā ana ki te whanonga a te hoa. He rerekē te kaha o tēnei, mai i ngā tautohe iti ki ngā āhuatanga ka mutu ka pā kino ki te whanaungatanga katoa.

Kia māmā ake mā te whakamahi i tētahi tauira: E rua tau a Steve rāua ko Claire e piripono ana, ā, i pāngia rāua e ngā raruraru nā te kaha o Steve ki te mahi. I whakatau a Claire ki te tuku i tētahi kupu whakamutunga, ā, i puta ai he tautohetohe mō tōna āhua — He tohutohu manaaki, he mahi tinihanga kare ā-roto rānei? Hei mārama, ka tūhuratia e tātou te hauora o ngā kupu whakamutunga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. He tohu kino tēnei mō Steve, he mea nui rānei ki a Claire tōna oranga (me tōna oranga)? Anei ētahi āhuatanga matua e tautuhi ana i ngā kupu whakamutunga:

• Tū pakari: Ko ngā ultimatum e pā ana ki te tango a te tangata i tētahi tūranga kaha, kāore e taea te whiriwhiri i te wā o te tautohetohe
• Whakapuakitanga o ngā hua: Kei roto i tēnei ko te whakamārama i ngā hua kino ka puta mai mēnā ka mau tonu tētahi atu i tētahi whanonga, ka hua ake rānei he ultimatum whakamuri mai i tētahi atu.
• Te whānuitanga o te kaha: Ka taea e ngā ultimatum te whakauru mai i ngā take iti e whakaoho ana i ngā tautohetohe ki ngā take nui e ārahi ana ki te arotake anō i te whanaungatanga katoa.
• Te āhua o te tangata: He rerekē ngā whakamāramatanga o ngā ultimatum i waenga i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, he mea hanga e ngā āhuatanga takitahi me ngā manakohanga.
• He taputapu whakawhitiwhitiHe maha ngā wā ka whakamahia hei rautaki whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hei aro atu ki ngā take e mau tonu ana, hei rapu whakatau hoki
• Pānga ki te whanaungatanga: Kei te pehea mēnā ka whakautehia ngā rohe me ngā whakatau whakamutunga, ka taea e rātou te whai wāhi atu ki tētahi taiao hauora ake, te whakaara ake rānei i ngā āwangawanga mō te raweketanga

He pai ngā ultimatum mō ngā whanaungatanga?

He maha ngā wā ka pōuriuri ngā rārangi i waenganui i ngā rohe me ngā kupu whakatūpato. E tuhituhi ana tētahi kaiwhakamahi Reddit , "He pono he pai ngā kupu whakatūpato nā te mea kei te whakamārama koe i ō rohe me te whakamōhio atu ki tō hoa rangatira i ngā hua o ā rāua whakatau?" i te mea e kī ana tētahi atu kaiwhakamahi , "Ko ngā kupu whakatūpato ko te wā e ngana ana koe ki te whakahaere i ngā whanonga me ngā tūmomo whakawehi. Kei te akiaki koe i tētahi kia whakarongo ki a koe nā te wehi, ehara i te aroha, i te whakaute rānei."

E tuku ana te tohunga whanaungatanga a Utkarsh i tētahi tirohanga hohonu, "Ahakoa he tino takitahi ngā mea, ka taea e tātou te whakatau tika mō te āhua o tētahi whakatūpato mā roto i ngā āhuatanga e rua. Ko te tuatahi ko te hiahia o te tangata: Nā te aha te hiahia i tukuna ai te whakatūpato? I ahu mai i te wāhi o te āwangawanga me te manaaki? He whāinga rānei hei whakahaere i a koe? Kāore he take ki te kī, ko te tangata anake kei te taha e whiwhi ana ka taea te wetewete i tēnei." 

"Ko te tuarua o ngā āhuatanga ko te auau o ngā whakatūpato. Ka piki ake rānei ngā rerekētanga whakaaro katoa hei pakanga mate-mate rānei? Ko te mea pai, me iti noa ngā whakatūpato i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Mena he tino noa, he tohu tēnei kei te raru te tokorua ki te whakatau pakanga hauora . I tētahi atu taha, ki te aro te whakatūpato ki ngā tawhā e rua, arā, he kōrero ā-mōhio, ā, he onge te tuku, ka taea te kī he hauora. Nā te mea ka taea hoki e ngā whakatūpato te mahi hei punga. Mena kei te taka te Hoa B ki ngā tauira kino, ka taea e te Hoa A te whakahoki i a rāua ki te huarahi tika me te whakatūpato tika."

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'Tāua' vs. 'Au' — He aha te take o te tono i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga

Anei tētahi tohutohu hei āwhina i a koe ki te hanga hononga hauora : Whakarongo ki te kīanga ina hoatu e tetahi he kupu whakamutunga ki a koe i roto i tētahi hononga. E kī ana a Utkarsh, "Ki te tīmata te whakatūpato me te 'Au' – 'Ka whakarērea koe e au' me te 'Ka neke atu ahau i te whare' – ko te tikanga kua uru mai te whakapehapeha ki te pikitia. Ko te arotahi a tō hoa ki a rātou anō. Ko tētahi huarahi whai hua ake ki te kī ko te 'tātou' – 'Me mahi tātou i tētahi mea mō tēnei inaianei tonu' me te 'Me wehe tātou mēnā kāore tēnei raruraru e whakatauhia.'"

He tohutohu ārahi noa iho tēnei hei āwhina i a koe ki te tautuhi i ngā hiahia o tō hoa, me pēhea hoki te whakautu ki tētahi kupu whakatūpato. Ehara i te mea he raruraru ngā rerenga kōrero 'Ahau' katoa. Ko te mea pōuri, he maha ngā tāngata e whakamahi ana i ngā kupu whakatūpato hei toa i te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ka meinga te tangata e whiwhi ana i te kupu whakatūpato kia kore e whai mana, kia kore e māia, kia kore e arohaina.

Kāore he tangata e pai ki te whakaaro kua rite tā rātou hoa ki te wehe atu me te whakatūpato noa iho. Ina whakamahia tonutia ngā kupu whakatūpato hei akiaki i te ngohengohe, ka tīmata te pānga kino ki te kaha o te tokorua. 

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E ai ki tā Tākuta Phil, te kaiwhakaora whānau rongonui o Amerika, "Ka whiriwhiria ngā whanaungatanga, ā, ki te aro tonu koe ki ngā kupu whakatūpato me te mana, kāore koe e anga ki hea." Kua tae ki te wā kia mārama ai koe ki te āhua o te whakakino i ngā whanaungatanga me te pānga kino ki tō hononga kare ā-roto e ngā kupu whakatūpato. He maha ngā take hei whakamutu i te tono i roto i te whanaungatanga, nō reira, me titiro tātou ki te pānga o te kore e aro nui ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero.

He aha te mea e whakararu ai ngā ultimatum i tō whanaungatanga?

Kāore e taea te whakakorekore i ētahi o ngā ngoikoretanga o ngā ultimatum. Whakaarohia he āhuarangi hihiri e pupū ake ai ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka whakatau tētahi hoa ki te whakamahi i te kāri ultimatum. Ehara i te mea he wā wera noa iho; he kōwhiringa rautaki e mau ana i ngā hua ka pā mai i muri i te mutunga o te tautohetohe tuatahi. Ka waiho e ia he maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kia pōhēhē; ko te nuinga o rātou kāore e taea te noho tahi i muri i tērā. Kei te pērā anō hoki ō whakaaro?

E tuhituhi ana tētahi kaiwhakamahi Reddit , "He kino hoki ngā ultimatum nā te mea ka whakapōrearea i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa ka whiriwhiria koe e te taha kē, he maha tonu ngā wā ka waiho he reka kino, ka whakararuraru hoki i ō rātou whakaaro mōu." Hei whakamutunga, ehara i te mea ko te whakatau i te take tonu te pātai. Ko te kimi i te huarahi pai hei anga whakamua i mua i tētahi petipeti morearea. A te wā e whai ake nei ka tata koe ki te tuku ultimatum ki tō hoa, kia maumahara ki ngā āhuatanga kino e whai ake nei. Tērā pea ka okioki koe, ka whakaaro anō ki ō kupu, ka tūpono rānei ka ngaro te whanaungatanga tino noa.

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1. Ka whakararu ngā ultimatum i te whakawhirinaki

Ko te whakawhirinaki, te tūāpapa o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, ka memeha haere ina noho hei tikanga mau tonu te tuku kupu whakamutunga ki tētahi. Ko te tino kaupapa o tētahi hononga kaha e whakawhirinaki ana ki te whakapono tahi ki te pono me te whakapau kaha o tētahi ki tētahi. Kia pakaru te whakawhirinaki, ka ngoikore te tūāpapa o te whanaungatanga, ā, me whakapau kaha ki te hanga anō.

2. He paitini ngā ultimatum nā te mea ka whakaiti i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero

Ko ngā ultimatum, me tōna kaha tūturu, he maha ngā wā ka aukati i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera me ngā rohe kua whakatūria. Engari i te whakatairanga i te māramatanga, ka whakaoho i te urupare kino o te tiaki, ka kati te kuaha ki te kōrero whai hua e tika ana mō te whakatau. Ka tere te hau, ka aukati i tētahi huringa whai tikanga, i te whakapuaki noa rānei i ngā whakaaro me ngā kare ā-roto he mea nui mō te whanaungatanga angitu.

3. Ka waihangahia e rātou te kore taurite o te mana

Ina hoatu e tetahi he kupu whakatūpato ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka whakatūria he mana ka arahi ki te riri me te kore taurite. Tērā pea ka rongo te hoa e tuku ana i te kupu whakatūpato i te whakaaro hē o te mana whakahaere, engari tērā pea ka riri te hoa nā te mea kua tukuna ia ki te tūranga ngohengohe e akiakihia ana e ngā kupu whakatūpato kaua e te whakaae tahi.

4. Te āhua o te whakakino a ngā kupu whakamutunga i ngā whanaungatanga: Ka whakawhāitihia e rātou te tipu me te whakaaetanga hauora

Engari ko te whakapūmau i te noho haumaru o tētahi ki tētahi, te whakatairanga i te tipu me te whakaae tahi, ka wehewehea ngā tūranga e ngā ultimatum. Ka tupu ngā whanaungatanga hauora i runga i te urutau me te whakaae tahi, he mea nui mō te tipu me te whanaketanga. Heoi, ko te hoatu i tētahi ultimatum ki tētahi ka ārai i tēnei hoatu me te tango maori, ka ārai pea i te kaha o te whanaungatanga ki te tu atu i ngā wero me te whanake.

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5. He tūponotanga kei pāngia koe e te raruraru kare ā-roto

Ka taea e ngā pānga kare ā-roto o ngā ultimatum te waiho i ngā whara roa, ka uaua ki te hanga anō me te whakaora i te whakawhirinaki me te whanaungatanga kua ngaro. Tērā pea ka roa ngā patunga kare ā-roto, ka hanga he āhuarangi o te taumahatanga me te mataku e pā ana ki te oranga kare ā-roto whānui o te whanaungatanga. Me whai whakaaro nui me ngā mahi tahi ki te whakaora me te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki ki te whakatere i tēnei pānga. Mēnā ka takahia ngā rohe mārama ina akiakihia i waenga i te ultimatum me te kōwhiringa, ka waiho pea he raruraru whakawhirinaki nui i waenga i te tokorua.

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Ko te āhua o tā tātou whakautu ki tētahi whakatūpato me te whakahaere i ngā tautohetohe whānui ka tino pā ki te hauora o tā tātou hononga ki ō tātou hoa. Engari i te whiriwhiri i ngā tūponotanga nui pēnei i te whakatūpato whakarere ka whakararuraru pea i te whanaungatanga, me tūhura tātou i ētahi huarahi hoahoa me te whai hua e rima. Mā te whiriwhiri i ēnei ara, ehara i te mea ka rapu noa tātou i te rongoā mō ngā tautohetohe me te atawhai engari ka poipoi hoki i tētahi whanaungatanga e tupu ana i runga i te whakaute, te tipu, me te māramatanga.

• Whakawhitiwhiti tuwhera: Whakatairangahia te kōrero tuwhera kia mārama ai ngā tirohanga a tētahi ki tētahi, kia kore ai e pāngia e te raruraru whakatau tata me te raruraru whiriwhiri. Mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ka hanga piriti i runga i te whakaute me te aroha tetahi ki tetahi.
• Whakarongo kaha: Whakatipuhia te tikanga o te whakarongo pono ki ngā āwangawanga a tō hoa, me te waihanga i tētahi taiao e aroha ana, e mahi tahi ana hoki. Mā te whakarongo kaha ka whakatairanga i te whanaungatanga o ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka whakaatu i te whakapau kaha ki te mārama tetahi ki tetahi.
• Whakararu me te ngawari: Awhitia te toi o te whakaae, me te tuku wāhi mō ngā hoa e rua ki te whai wāhi ki tētahi whakataunga e pai ai te ngākau o te katoa. Mā te whakauru i ngā otinga rerekē, ka ako koe ki te tuku i tētahi whakatau whakamutunga me te kore e hoatu. Mā te ngāwari ka whakatairanga i te urutau
• Te whakarite rohenga: Whakamāramahia, whakawhitiwhiti kōrerohia hoki ngā rohe whakahirahira, te waihanga i tētahi anga mō te taunekeneke whakaute. Mā ngā rohe hauora ka whakatairanga i te wairua haumaru, ā, ka whakarite kia whakautehia te mana motuhake o ia hoa.
• Arataki ngaio: Ki te mau tonu ngā whakahē, whakaarohia te rapu i te arataki a tētahi kaitohutohu whanaungatanga, a tētahi tohunga hinengaro haumanu whai raihana rānei. He taputapu pai tēnei hei whakatere i ngā wā uaua hei tokorua, ahakoa kei roto kōrua i tētahi whanaungatanga whaimana, i tētahi marena whai raihana rānei. Mā te wawaotanga ngaio ka wātea he wāhi koretake mō te kōrero whai hua.

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Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi ultimatum i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga?

He mea nui te whakahaere i ngā ultimatum i roto i ngā whanaungatanga nā te mea ka pā tonu ki te oranga me te oranga o te hononga. Ko ngā ultimatum, he maha ngā wā ka puta mai i te pouri, i te pakaru rānei o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ka taea te whakararu i te whakawhirinaki, te aukati i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, me te waihanga i te kore taurite o te mana.

Mā te kore aro, te kore rānei e whakahaere tika i ngā kupu whakatūpato ka arahi pea ki te kino mō te wā roa, nō reira he mea nui kia āta whakatata atu ki ēnei āhuatanga me te whakapau kaha ki te mārama tahi. I te nuinga o te wā, ka kitea e te tangata he paitini ngā kupu whakatūpato ina whakamahia hei taputapu whakahaere kare ā-roto hei whakahaere i ngā nekehanga mana , kaua hei whakatau i ngā huringa e tino hiahiatia ana i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Anei me pēhea te whakaharatau i te whakautu tika ki tētahi ultimatum, e ai ki a Utkarsh:

• Arotakehia te whakatau whakamutunga: Arotakehia te hiahia o tō hoa me ōu ake whanonga kia mōhio ai mēnā he tika te whakahē. Whakaarohia mēnā he tika te whakatūpato i roto i ō mahi, me whakautu rānei me te tuku kōrero whakamutunga whakamuri hei waihanga i te taurite mana.
• Tīmatahia ngā kōrero pono: Kōrero tika, tuwhera hoki, me te whakapuaki i ō tirohanga me te whakarongo kaha ki tō hoa. He mea nui te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hei whakatau i ngā take.
• Whakaarohia te aratohu ngaio: Ki te kore e pai te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, rapua he aratohu ngaio. Ka taea e ia te whakarato i ngā māramatanga me ngā taputapu hei whakatau i ngā raruraru whai hua.
• Whakatairangahia te whakarongo: Kia mōhio kei te whakarongohia tō hoa. He maha ngā wā ka puta ake ngā kupu whakamutunga mai i te kore e mārama. Whakarongo pai ki ō rātou āwangawanga me ō rātou tirohanga.
• Puritia te pikitia whānui: Kaua e tukua te tautohetohe kia taupokina te whanaungatanga. Whakatakotoria he rohe, kaua e whakamahi i ngā kupu whakamutunga, me te pupuri i te oranga mō te wā roa o te whanaungatanga.

I roto i ngā whanaungatanga, he uaua ngā kupu whakatūpato. Ko tōna pānga kei runga i te hiahia me te auau. Ahakoa he taputapu ēnei hei hanga i ngā huringa pai ina whakamahia marietia, engari mā te whakamahi pinepine ka pakaru te turanga o te whakawhirinaki me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Ka taea e koe te whakarite kia ora ake te whanaungatanga mā te tūhura i ngā huarahi kē, te ako me pēhea te tuku kupu whakatūpato me te kore e hoatu, me te aro atu ki ngā kupu whakatūpato mā te kōrero tuwhera me te toro atu ki ngā pūnaha tautoko.

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