15 Ngā Pātai Hei Pātai Hei Whakaara Anō i te Whakawhirinakitanga i roto i te Hononga

He rerekē ki te kukume, ehara te whakawhirinaki i te mea ka puta wawe tonu. Ka hangaia i roto i te wā. Ā, ki te pakaru, kāore e ngāwari te whakaora. Mena kua pakaru te whakawhirinaki i waenganui i a kōrua ko tō hoa, he pātai hei pātai atu ki a rātou – he pātai hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga.

E ai ki tētahi rangahau, "ko te pakaru o te whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha, he mea i mamae ai koe, i pōuri ai, ka māmā ake te whakaora mai i te whakawhirinaki i mua. E kōrero ana a Finkel (ahorangi hinengaro i te Kāreti Toi me ngā Pūtaiao o Weinberg) mō te āhua o ēnei taha e toru o te whakawhirinaki - te matapae, te pono me te whakapono - e āhei ai tātou ki te whakawhirinaki ki tō tātou hoa ā muri ake nei, me te whakaiti i ngā hapa i mahia e rātou i mua."

15 Ngā Pātai Hei Pātai Hei Whakaara Anō i te Whakawhirinakitanga i roto i te Hononga

I te kitenga o Nina i ngā karere whakaipoipo a tana tāne a Chris ki tētahi atu wahine, kāore ia i whakapono ki ana kanohi. I whakahē ia i a Chris mō taua mea, ā, i tino whakapāha ia, me te kī he hapa poto noa iho, ā, he pono tana mahi. Ā, kāore he tikanga o te wahine ki a ia. I kite a Nina he pono te whakapāha a tana tāne, engari kua ngaro tōna whakapono ki a ia i tētahi wāhi. I tīmata ia ki te whakaaro me pēhea te hanga anō i te whakawhirinakitanga o te tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga.

Ehara i a Nina anake te tangata kua pāngia e tēnei raruraru. E mano tini ngā tāngata e pēnei ana te āhua i a rātou e kohikohi ana i ngā wāhanga o ō rātou whanaungatanga pakaru. Ā, ki te pērā anō ōu whakaaro, anei ētahi pātai hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga ka taea e koe te pātai atu ki tō hoa.

1. He aha te mea i tupu i waenganui i a tāua i tae mai ai tāua ki tēnei wā?

Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te marena, i tētahi atu whanaungatanga rānei, ko te whakapuaki i te kaupapa i puta ai te pakaru o te whakawhirinaki i te tuatahi. Ahakoa he puremu ā-hinengaro, he puremu ā-ira rānei, he mea nui kia whai wāhi koe ki te whakapuaki i te pono, ahakoa te mamae o tētahi, o kōrua rānei. 

Engari, ehara i te mea ko te pono te tikanga me pātai koe mō ngā āhuatanga katoa o tā rāua puremu, mai i ngā tūnga moepuku i tangohia e rāua ki ngā moemoeā a tō hoa mō te tangata kē. E kore tēnei e āwhina i te āhuatanga.

Engari, pātai atu ki tō hoa rangatira tinihanga pēnei i te , "He aha koe i tinihanga ai?" "He mea anō kei te hiahia koe i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga (ki a koe me te tangata i tinihangatia e rāua)?" Mā ēnei koe e āwhina ki te mārama ki te kino o te tinihanga me te tūnga o kōrua i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te pātai ki tō hoa rangatira he aha te mea i tupu ko tētahi o ngā mea tino uaua ka mahia e koe, tuarua ki te whakatau ka mahia e koe kia noho tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga, kia wehe atu rānei. Engari ko tētahi o ngā pātai tino nui hei pātai hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga.

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2. He aha ōu kare ā-roto?

E rua ngā huarahi e pā ana ki tēnei. Me tirotiro tonu te hoa tinihanga i tana hoa, inā koa mēnā kei te ngana rāua ki te whakaora i te whanaungatanga. Ā, i ētahi wā, me pātai anō hoki te hoa i tinihangatia ki tana hoa i tēnei pātai. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe, "He aha te hiranga o ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata tinihanga i a ia e tino hē ana? Ko ōku kare ā-roto te mea nui!" Ahakoa te uaua ki te whakapono, ka taea e te tangata te whakapōrearea i te tangata i kore pono, inā koa mēnā e mōhio ana te hoa tinihanga he hē tā rāua mahi, ā, inaianei ka ngaro tetahi e arohaina ana e rāua. He pātai pai tēnei hei pātai tonu tetahi ki tetahi ina e ngana ana kōrua ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga.

He mea nui kia mōhio koe ki ngā kare ā-roto o te hoa tinihanga. Mena kei te meinga koe e rātou kia whakaaro ko koe te take o te tinihanga, tera pea kāore rātou i te tino pouri pērā i tā rātou e kī nei. Ka taea hoki e tēnei pātai te āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau mena he pai te hanga anō i te whanaungatanga, kāore rānei.

3. He aha taku e taea ai hei āwhina, hei whakapai ake rānei i tō wairua?

He mea tangata te hē. Ahakoa he uaua te muru i ētahi hē, e tika ana kia whai wāhi te katoa ki te whakapai ake i ngā mea. E kōrero mai ana a Mabel, he kaipānui 33-tau te pakeke, ki a tātou, "I wareware ahau ki te whakamakuku i te tipu Jade a Henry, ā, ka mate. Kāore rawa ahau i whakaaro ka pēnei te pouri o Henry. I whakamārama ia he koha whakawhiwhinga tohu tēnei tipu nā tōna kuia, ā, he mea nui ki a ia." I te kitenga i tana hē, ka pātai a Mabel ki a Henry me pēhea e taea ai e ia te whakapai ake i ngā mea. I tono ia ki a Mabel kia haere tahi rāua ki te whare o tōna kuia i te wā e whai ake nei, kia āwhina i a ia ki te tiaki i tana māra.

Ina ngana koe ki te hanga whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, koinei tētahi o ngā pātai whakawhirinaki nui hei pātai atu ki a ia. Ina whakapāha pono koe ki tētahi , he tohu tēnei kei te hiahia koe ki te pikau i te kawenga, ā, kei te whakapau kaha koe ki te whakatata anō i a koe ki tō hoa. He tohu tēnei kei te hiahia koe ki te whakatika i ō hapa.

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4. Ka whakawhirinaki mai koe ki ahau mō ō mea ngaro?

Mō ngā pātai hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, koinei pea tētahi o ngā pātai hohonu mō te whakawhirinaki e tika ana kia pātaihia e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine tetahi ki tetahi. Ka puta te whakahīhī ina karanga tō hoa i a koe ko tā rātou kaitiaki ngaro.

Heoi, ki te kore koe e pai ki te whakapuaki i ō mea ngaro tetahi ki tetahi, he mea nui tēnei. Ehara i te mea he tohu pono te whakapuaki i ō kupuhipa pāpāho pāpori me te waea (e tika ana kia noho motuhake te katoa). Ahakoa kei a koe ngā kupuhipa katoa a tō hoa, ki te mea kei te ruarua ia mō te noho ngoikore ki a koe, me mahi tonu kōrua ki te whakahoki mai i te whakawhirinaki ki te whanaungatanga.

5. He mea kāore e taea e koe te kōrero mai ki ahau?

Ka puta te takahi i te whakawhirinakitanga ina he kōrero teka. Ā, he maha ngā take e kōrerotia ai ngā kōrero teka. Tērā pea ka teka koe ki tō hoa ina mahi koe i tētahi mea e kitea whānuitia ana he hē. I ētahi wā, ka teka te tangata ina whakaaro ia ka whara tōna hoa i te pono. I ētahi wā ia, e whakaaro ana ia kāore e manakohia ana tā rātou whaki.

Koia nei te take, mō te whakawhirinaki, koinei tētahi o ngā pātai whakawhirinaki tino nui hei pātai atu ki a ia me tana wahine kia mārama ai rāua ki te taumata o te māramatanga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga, te ngāwari o te whakapuaki a tō hoa i ō rāua whakaaro ki a kōrua, me te mea he whakahē kei tētahi taha e aukati ana i tētahi hoa ki te pono.

6. He aha ngā āhuatanga e toru e tino miharo ana koe ki ahau?

I te nuinga o ngā wā, i te tipu haere o te mōhiotanga i waenganui i ngā hoa, ka tīmata rātou te whakaaro noa ki a rātou anō . Ka nui ake te aroha o ō rātou whakaaro ki a rātou anō, ā, ka uru mai ngā āwangawanga. I ēnei wā, he mea maori te pātai i ēnei pātai hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga. Inaa, me whakatenatena ēnei. Mā te kōrero mō ngā āhuatanga e whakamoemititia ana e koe i roto i tō hoa ka whakamahara koe i te take i aroha ai koe ki a rātou i te tuatahi.

Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe kāore rātou i te tino pono, engari ko tō rātou kaha ki te tū mārie i roto i ngā āhuatanga uaua i aroha ai koe. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe he maha ā rātou kōrero kino, engari ko tō rātou aro ki ngā taipitopito i tino miharo ai koe. Ko ngā mahi hei whakamanawa i tō hoa he mahi nui hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga.

7. E whakaae ana koe ki ahau mōku ake?

Ko te hapa nui rawa atu a ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i ā rātou whanaungatanga ko te ngana ki te whakarerekē tetahi i tetahi. Mena he tangata ngākau māhaki, he tangata hoa tō hoa rangatira, ka pērā anō rāua ki te katoa. Ki a rāua, he mea hē te tumanako ka noho tawhiti atu rāua mōu anake. Waihoki, ki te mea he ngākau nui tō hoa rangatira ki te puoro, he mea hē ki a rāua te tumanako ka whakarērea e rāua tā rāua kitā nā te mea e whakaaro ana koe he moumou wāhi. Ko te mea nui, ka ara ake ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki.

Ko te aroha he whakaae ki te tangata e rite ana ki tōna āhua. Ehara i te mea me whakaae koe ki āna whanonga kino mēnā he kaipaipa roa tō hoa. Engari me whakaae koe ki te mauri o te tangata me tōna āhua. He rite te tangata ki ngā here rapa. Ka taea e koe te totoro i a rātou kia tae noa ki te wā e motu ana, e kino atu ana rānei, e whati ana. I ētahi wā ka ngaro te aro o te tangata ki tēnei mea. Mā te pātai i ēnei momo pātai hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga ka āwhina i a koe ki te hoki mai ki te māramatanga.

8. E pai ana koe ki te whakaae ki ō hapa?

Ahakoa te kaha o tō ngana ki te whakatika i tētahi āhuatanga, te kaha rānei o tō ngana ki te kohikohi i ngā wahi pakaru o te whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, kāore he aha mena kāore e taea e koe te whakaae kua hē koe.

"Kei te pai koe ki te whakaae i ō hapa?" tētahi o ngā pātai hohonu mō te whakawhirinaki me pātai atu tētahi ki tētahi, tae atu ki a koe anō. He nui te māia me te mōhio ki a koe anō hei whakaae i ō ngoikoretanga, kaua hoki e takaro noa i te whakapae i roto i te whanaungatanga . E whakaatu ana tēnei kei te hiahia koe ki te tango i te kawenga mō ō mahi, ā, kei te hiahia hoki koe ki te mahi i te whanaungatanga. He tino māmā te āhua, engari he nui te painga o ēnei mahi ngāwari hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga.

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9. I pēhea te whakaatu a ō mātua i te pono o tētahi ki tētahi?

Ko ō tātou mātua ō tātou kaiako tuatahi. Ko te āhua o tā tātou whakahaere i tētahi āhuatanga, i te ao, i ngā tāngata, me ngā whanaungatanga, he mea ka akohia e tātou i a tātou e mātakitaki ana i ō tātou mātua e whakahaere ana i aua āhuatanga. Nō reira, ehara i te mea miharo ko ō tātou tauira piripono ki ō tātou hoa rangatira he whakaata i te piripono o ō tātou mātua tetahi ki tetahi.

Ko tētahi o ngā pātai nui mō te whakawhirinaki ki a ia ko te āhua o te whakaatu a ō rāua mātua i te pono (te kore rānei o te pono) tetahi ki tetahi. Ā, kia tātarihia e koe tēnā, ka mārama koe he aha i pērā ai te whanonga a tō hoa i roto i tō rāua whanaungatanga ki a koe.

10. E ōrite ana ō tātou whakaaro mō te whakawhirinaki me te whakapau kaha?

Ā, e whakaaetia ana rānei ngā rerekētanga e tātou? Koinei ngā pātai hei pātai atu hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga me tō hoa ina pakaru te whakawhirinaki . Pātai atu ki a rātou mō tā rātou whakamāramatanga o te whakawhirinaki me te whakapau kaha. Ko te mea e kiia ana e koe he takahi whakawhirinaki, tērā pea kāore e rite mō tō hoa.

He tikanga tā Bran ki te tirotiro i ētahi atu wāhine, ā, kāore a Haley i pai ki tēnei. Ka kī tonu a Bran he titiro noa iho ia, ā, mēnā kāore ia e whakahāwea tinana, ehara i te tinihanga. I kite a Haley he rerekē rawa te whakaaro o Bran mō te whakawhirinaki me te whakapau kaha ki a ia. Nā te kore e taea te whakaae, ka whakatau ia ki te wehe i a Bran. E rua tau i muri mai, ka tūtaki ia ki a Roger, he wahine waimarie i whai whakaaro rite ki a ia mō te pono. Ā, inaianei kua harikoa rāua i roto i te marena.

11. He aha tō reo aroha?

E rima ngā momo reo aroha , ā, tera pea he rerekē te reo aroha matua o tō tātou hoa. He mea tino nui te whakaatu i te aroha ki tō tātou hoa mā roto i tōna reo aroha. Ki te kore e pērā, ka ara ake pea te āwangawanga i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Whakaarohia tēnei, ko te reo aroha o tō hoa ko te whakapau i te wā kounga, ā, ko tō reo aroha ko te pā ā-tinana. Ka haere tonu koe ki te whakaatu i te aroha, engari ko tā rāua e hiahia ana ko te mātaki kiriata tahi me koe. Tērā pea ka hē te whakaaro, ka whakaaro kei te mahi koe i tēnei mea hei moe tāne noa iho. Mō ngā pātai hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga, me pātai atu koe i tēnei, kia taea ai e kōrua te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi i ngā wā katoa e taea ana.

12. Me aha tātou kia kore ai e takahia te whakawhirinakitanga ā muri ake nei?

Ina pāngia koe e tētahi wā uaua i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga nā te kore pono o tētahi tangata, he tino uaua ki te whakatika i ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki e puta mai ana i taua raruraru. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, he pai ake te pātai tika ki te hoa kua pāngia me pēhea rātou e hiahia ai ki te whakaora i te here. Mā te pātai i ēnei pātai ka āwhina i te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga.

Kaua e waiho te waea ki raro. Kia mōhio koe ki te kōrero ki tō hoa mō te wāhi e haere ana koe me te tangata e tūtaki ana koe, kia hoki rā anō te whakawhirinaki. Whakaitihia ngā mahi katoa e whakaaro ana koe ka whakamātau i a koe, ka whakararu rānei i tō whanaungatanga. Ka tino maioha tō hoa ki ēnei mahi hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga .

13. Ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki a koe anō?

E rua ngā momo whakawhirinaki, ko tētahi e aroha ana koe ki tētahi atu tangata, ko tētahi e aroha ana koe ki a koe anō — e mōhiotia ana ko te whakawhirinaki ki a koe anō. He mea tino nui tēnei momo whakawhirinaki. Ā, ka puta mai te whakawhirinaki ki a koe anō me te mōhio ki a koe anō.

E kōrero ana a Stella, he kaihanga waiata 28-tau te pakeke, "I pātaihia e au ētahi pātai hohonu mō te whakawhirinaki i muri i taku pakaru i te whakawhirinaki o taku hoa: Ka taea e au te whakawhirinaki ki a au anō? Ka taea e au te pono ki a ia ahakoa ngā whakamātautau kei mua? He nui tōku kaha ki te kimi i tōku ngoikore me te mahi ki aua mea? Ki te taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki a koe anō ki te mahi i ēnei mea katoa, ki taku whakaaro ka taea e koe te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki ki roto i te marena, ki roto rānei i te whanaungatanga."

 14. He aha koe i hiahia ai ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki ki roto i tā tāua whanaungatanga?

He maha ngā wā, ka noho tonu te tangata i roto i tētahi hononga kua tukua e tōna hoa tōna whakawhirinakitanga, ehara i te mea nā te aroha engari nā ētahi atu āhuatanga pēnei i te tamariki, te pēhanga pāpori, te wehi noa rānei kei puta he āhuatanga tauhou i muri i te wehenga.

Ko tētahi o ngā pātai me pātai e koe i mua i te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga koia tēnei: ​​He aha te take e noho tonu ai koe me tō hoa? Mena ko te whakautu ehara i te aroha me te ngākau aroha, me te hiahia nui ki te hoatu i tētahi whai wāhitanga tuarua ki te whanaungatanga , kāore e tika ana kia tiakina te here. Mena kei te patu koe i a koe anō hei painga mō ētahi atu, he tohu kino tēnā mō tō whanaungatanga.

15. Ka whakaarohia e koe te whai wāhi ki te whakawākanga mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine?

He nui ngā whakama e pā ana ki te rapu āwhina mō ngā whanaungatanga. Heoi, i ētahi wā koinei te huarahi tika hei whai, ina koa kei te ngana kōrua ki te whakahaere i te whanaungatanga engari kāore e taea te puta i te raruraru kua pā mai.

He tino mamae te tukanga whakahou i te whakawhirinakitanga mō te tangata i tukua, me te tangata i whakararu i te whanaungatanga. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, he pai ake te rapu awhina i tētahi tohunga ngaio kua whakangungua. Ka taea e ia te āwhina i a koe ki te tukatuka me te whakatere i ēnei kare ā-roto pōrearea. Mena ka pāngia koe e ngā raruraru whakawhirinakitanga, ehara i te mea ko koe anake. Ko te hunga e rapu awhina ana mō ngā raruraru whakawhirinakitanga ka taea te whakahoki mai i te whakapono ki ētahi atu mā te tohutohu. Mā tēnei pea ka pai ake ō rātou whanaungatanga me te oranga whānui. Kua āwhina ngā kaitohutohu bonobology i te tini o te tangata kia pai ake te oranga mā te tohutohu ipurangi, ā, ka taea hoki e koe te whakamahi.

He nui te kaha e hiahiatia ana mō tētahi whanaungatanga pumau. Ko te mahi i runga i te whanaungatanga he kawenga nō te hunga katoa e whai wāhi ana ki roto. I a koe e hanga anō ana i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te marena, i tētahi atu whanaungatanga rānei, ki te tīmata koe ki te whakaaro ko koe anake te tangata e whakapau kaha ana, he pai ake te tuku atu. Ahakoa te uaua i te tīmatanga.

Kāore he pono o te whanaungatanga kāore he whakawhirinaki . Ki te hiahia koe ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga, he mea nui kia tīmata mā te whai wāhi me te mahi ki te muru hara. Ahakoa kāore e taea e koe te wareware, murua. Ki te ngana koe ki te whakatika i te whanaungatanga me te pupuri i te mauahara ka kore e whai hua. Ka waiho hei turanga ngoikore hei hanga i te whanaungatanga.

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.