9 Ngā Tohu o ngā Take Whakapau me ngā Huarahi e 5 hei Whakatau i tēnā

E mōhio ana tātou katoa ki tētahi Chandler Bing i roto i ō tātou oranga – ā, kāo, ehara i te mea ko tōna āhua rorirori tēnei. E mōhiotia ana a Chandler mō tōna wehi ki te whakapau kaha. Mā te whakahua noa i a 'Mr. and Mrs. Bing' ka tino pāngia tōna tinana. Ahakoa he ngahau, he takaro hoki ngā mea katoa i roto i te ao rīpene o tētahi sitcom e arohaina ana, he rerekē rawa ngā tohu o ngā take whakapau kaha i te ao tūturu.

He hohonu ngā pūtake o ngā take herenga; ki te kore e aro atu ki ēnei take, ki te kore rānei e whai huarahi ki te whakatau i tētahi mea, ka tino kino ki te oranga o te tangata. Heoi anō, ka pā te herenga ki ia whanaungatanga e pā ana ki a tātou – he maha ngā āhuatanga o ō tātou oranga e pāngia ana e tō tātou kaha ki te herenga me te pupuri i tētahi hononga ki ētahi atu, e te kore rānei o taua herenga. He kaupapa paparua pēnei i tēnei, ka tino māramahia mā te arahi a tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro. 

Kei te kōrero mātou ki te tohunga hinengaro Kranti Momin (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro), he tohunga CBT mātau, ā, he tohunga ki ngā momo mara o te kaiārahi whanaungatanga, kia mārama ai ki ngā tohu o ngā take herekore me te huarahi pai ki te whakatau i aua take. Kia tīmata tātou i tēnei haerenga hei hanga i a koe hei tangata mōhio ki a koe anō, hei whakarato hoki i a koe ki ngā taputapu tika hei mahi pai ake i roto i te whanaungatanga.

He aha ngā take e puta ai ngā raruraru herekore?

Kei roto i ngā tau 30 o Carla, he kaiwhakahaere huihuinga, ā, ko te mea kāore ia i whai i tētahi whanaungatanga pono i whakararuraru i a ia i ia hēkona o ia rā. Ehara i te mea kāore i a ia te whai wāhi ki te wheako i tētahi hononga pai, hauora. Engari i ia wā ka whakararuraru ia i te whanaungatanga i mua i tōna pakari, e whakaatu ana i tētahi o ngā āhuatanga wahine tino mataku ki te whakapau kaha. I roto i te poto, ka whakarērea e ia āna hoa i mua i te kitenga o tētahi whai wāhi ki te wawahi i tōna ngākau, me ērā atu mea hoki mō ngā take tino koretake.

Nā te korenga o Carla i kite i tētahi take mō taua whanonga, ka rapu ia i te āwhina ngaio. Whai muri i ētahi wā wānanga me tana kaiwhakaora hinengaro, ka kite ia i te āhua o te wehenga o ōna mātua i te wā tōmua kua waiho ia me tēnei whara nui o ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki. I tino māmā ake te ara ki te wikitoria i ngā raruraru here i roto i te whanaungatanga i te wā i hurahia ai tēnei māramatanga ki mua i a ia.

Ko te mea tuatahi, hei whakaoti rapanga, me rapu e koe te pūtake o taua raruraru. Nō reira, ko te haerenga o te whakatau i te wehi o te whakapau kaha ka tīmata mā te kimi i te whakautu ki te pātai "he aha te tikanga o ngā raruraru whakapau kaha i roto i te whanaungatanga". Ko te wehi whakapau kaha he momo mate manukanuka e puta ai te koretake e ngokingoki ana ki roto i tō hinengaro. Ko te kore mōhio ki ngā mea kei te heke mai ka tino whakararuraru i a koe.

"Me pēhea mēnā ka mutu te aroha o taku hoa ki ahau i roto i ngā tau e rima kei te heke mai?" "Me pēhea mēnā kei te taha hē ahau?" "Me pēhea mēnā kei te takaro noa ia i ōku kare ā-roto?" Ka whakanui ake ēnei feaa i te manukanuka me ngā take here. rangahau e whakaatu ana e whā ngā āhuatanga o te aroha e whai wāhi ana ki te kaha o te ngākau pono – te kukume, te hononga, te whakawhirinaki, me te whakaute. Mēnā kāore tētahi o ēnei āhuatanga i roto i tō whanaungatanga, tera pea ka pāngia koe e ētahi tohu mataku ki te ngākau pono.

te Tuhinga o mua he maha ngā wā ka ahu mai i ngā whara o mua. Mena kei te awangawanga koe mō te whakaaro ki te whakapau kaha ki tētahi mea/ki tētahi atu tangata, ko te rārangi e whai ake nei o ngā take noa i muri i te mataku whakapau kaha ka āwhina i a koe ki te rapu i te pūtake o tō wehi:

• Te mamae o te ngākau i ngā whanaungatanga o mua
• Te kore e hoatu ki a koe anō te wāhi me te wā ki te whakaae me te tukatuka i te mamae me te tātari i ngā hapa i roto i ēnei whanaungatanga
• Te wehi kei mahi anō i ngā hapa ōrite, kei uru atu rānei ki tētahi atu hononga hauora kore.
• Te mamae o te tamarikitanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia
• Te wehi kei whakarērea, kei whakakahoretia
• He hiahia tonu ki te whakatutuki i tētahi mea pai ake
• Te wehi kei ngaro te mana motuhake whaiaro me te mana motuhake ā-pūtea
• Nga take whakawhirinaki

Me pēhea taku mōhio mēnā he raruraru taku ki te whakapau kaha?

Nā te mea kua arohia e tātou te pātai "he aha te tikanga o te whai raruraru here i roto i te whanaungatanga", me āwhina koe kia mārama mēnā he iti noa te mataku here i roto i a koe. Ka whakamā koe ki ngā tapanga? He paku miharo koe ina karangahia koe e tetahi ko tā rātou hoa tāne/wahine i muri i ētahi wā? I te nuinga o te wā, he uaua ki a koe te whakawhirinaki ki te tangata? Mēnā he āe te whakautu ki ēnei pātai, tera pea kei te raru koe ki te here.

As Kranti e whakamārama ana, "Kāore ngā take herenga e herea noa ki ngā whanaungatanga aroha. Ka horapa atu tēnei whanonga ki ētahi atu wāhanga pērā i te whakahoahoa, ngā whanaungatanga mahi, ngā hononga whānau, me ērā atu. Ko te hunga e mataku ana ki te herenga ka pāngia pea e ngā mate manukanuka pāpori, ā, ko ngā wheako o te tamarikitanga ka pāngia pea e te taumahatanga nui ki tō rātou oranga pakeke."

Ki te whakaatu koe i ngā tohu o ngā raruraru whakapau kaha, ka kitea koe e hikoi ana i runga i ngā anga hua manu i roto i ngā whārite katoa. Nō reira, ka uaua ki a koe te noho hei tino tangata pono. Kia mārama ake tātou ki tēnei mā te whakamahi i tētahi tauira. I a Julie i whakatipuhia e te whaea kino ā, he nui ngā raruraru kare ā-roto i mahue iho i a ia.

I mua i a ia e whakamā ana i te hau me te whakahaere i a ia anō, kua uaua ki a ia te kore e whakaaro ki ngā whakaaro o te tangata. I mutu tonu ana whanaungatanga aroha nā tōna koretake, i ahu mai i te mamae kāore anō kia whakatauhia. Engari kāore i taea e ia te mārama ki te tikanga o tēnei pupuhi o ngā tohu. Nō tana rapunga i te rongoā ka mōhio ia koinei ngā tohu e wehi ana ia ki te piripono. 

Ahakoa kāore he tikanga tino tika hei mōhio mēnā he raruraru tōu herenga, he mea anō kei a koe. Kua kohikohia e mātou tēnei rārangi o ngā tohu e iwa hei āwhina i a koe ki te aromatawai pai ake i tō āhuatanga. Tirohia ēnei me te pono, kia kite ai mēnā he mea e pārekareka ana ki a koe. He uaua ki te horomia ngā tohu o ngā raruraru herenga, engari ko te tere o tō whakaae, ko te pai ake. 

He aha ngā tohu o ngā raruraru whakapau kaha?

I pātai mai tētahi hoa tata i ēnei rā tata nei, "He aha ahau i raru ai i te whakapau kaha ki ngā mea katoa? Kāore he mea māmā ki ahau. Kei te whakararuraru tonu ahau i ngā mea mā te haere ki te huarahi hē." Kāore i taea te whakautu i tana pātai mēnā kāore ia i te mōhio he aha ōna raruraru. Ko te huarahi pai ki te ako i ō tātou herenga ko te whakaako i a tātou anō. I tēnei rā, ka takahi tātou i taua huarahi mā te titiro ki ēnei tohu o ngā raruraru whakapau kaha.

Mena he ōritetanga kei waenganui i tō whanonga me ēnei tohu, tirohia te ara pai. Ka mōhio koe inaianei kei hea te take. He māmā ake te whakaora me te ora ake ina kore te tangata e whakakahore. Pānuihia me te hinengaro tuwhera, me te pupuri i te whakaaro kia pai ake. Me tīmata tā tātou haerenga me ngā kupu whakaaro nui a Ralph Ellison, "Ina kitea e au ko wai ahau, ka herekore ahau."

Te pānui e pā ana: 12 Ngā Tohutohu Hei Whakakore i ngā Take Whakapau

1. Kaua e whara i ahau

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te raruraru herenga a te tangata ko te wehi tonu kei whara i roto i te whanaungatanga. E whakamārama ana a Kranti, "Ka puta te wehi herenga i ngā wheako kino o mua - mēnā i tinihanga tō hoa o mua i a koe, mēnā he mamae ō wheako tamarikitanga, kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakanoho anō i a koe ki taua wāhi ngoikore. Ka ngana tonu ki te tiaki i a koe kei whara."

He maha ngā wā ka pā tēnei ki ngā raruraru here i roto i ngā wāhine. Ko te tūpato i ngā wā katoa he āhuatanga noa iho nō te wahine e mataku ana ki te here, nā te mea he mea maori tēnei. Engari i roto i te tukanga whakapakari i a koe anō, ka āwangawanga koe ki te tumanako ki tētahi whanaungatanga me ngā mea katoa e pā ana ki tēnā. Hei whakamōhio atu, he maha ngā huarahi hauora hei tiaki i a koe anō, pērā i te tuhi i ngā rohe kare ā-roto me te whakataurite i te mana motuhake i roto i te wāhi aroha. 

2. He raruraru wera – He uaua te whakaipoipo i tētahi e raru ana te piripono!

He aha te kupu e rapuhia ana e tātou? Te whakakino i a koe anō. Ina kite koe i tō hoa e whakatata atu ana ki tētahi wāhi kua oti te whakapūmau, ka mahi pōhēhē koe i tētahi mea hei motu i te hononga. Tērā pea he mahi whaiaro ki te tinihanga, te tango i te aroha, te riri nui, me ērā atu mea. Ahakoa he āhua whakakatakata (ā, he pono, he kore e whakaponohia), koinei tonu te mahi a te tangata e mataku ana ki te whakapūmau.

Ka kitea tēnei i roto i ngā huarahi tino iti rawa. Whakaarohia marietia; ina mahi tetahi hoa i tētahi tohu pēnei i te hoatutanga i te kī ki tō rātou whare noho ki a koe, he aha tāu tauhohenga i ngā rā e whai ake nei? Tērā pea ka tīmata koe ki te mahi i ngā mahi rerekē. Ko te hanga katakata kāore i te tika, te ngana ki te whakamārama i te koretake o tā rātou tohu, me te kore whakamahi i te kī, ko ētahi o ngā mea pea ka mahia e koe. Ki a koe whanonga whakakino whaiaro, ko koe te Titanic, me te hukapapa hoki.

3. He tohu ngā wai pāpaku o ngā take herenga

He mea noa iho, koia rā? E kī ana a Kranti, "Ko te hunga mataku ki te whakapau kaha e pai ana ki te pupuri i ngā mea māmā, tae noa ki te papaku. Ka karohia e rātou te hanga hononga hohonu, whai tikanga hoki. I te nuinga o te wā, ka hiahia rātou ki te whai wāhi atu ki ngā mahi ngahau, ā, he mea noa iho. Ka pai ake ki a rātou ngā whanaungatanga kāore he tapanga, he tuwhera hoki. Ki a rātou, ehara te noho hei hoa tāne, hei hoa wahine rānei mā tētahi atu i te mea pai."

Mena ko tō momo whanaungatanga matua kore-aho-piri He hoa-me-ngā-painga rānei, me whakaaro koe ki ētahi mea hei mahi. He tino ngahau te noho hei Joey Tribbiani, hei Charlie Harper rānei, kia tae rā anō ki te wā e mōhio ai koe he tauira pai rawa atu ēnei mō ngā take here i roto i ngā tāne. Pātai atu ki a koe anō he aha tāu e whiriwhiri ai ina tukuna he kōwhiringa i waenga i tētahi rā pōrangi i tētahi pae karaoke me tētahi rā aroha i roto i te whare. Hmmm.

4. Kua kati mō te tiaki

He rite tonu ki te kati tuturu mō te tiaki (ki te kore koe e kite i tētahi huarahi hei whakatau i ō raruraru, engari ka nui ake te kōrero mō tēnā i muri mai). Ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui o ngā raruraru whakapau kaha ko te aukati i te tangata ki waho i ngā kare ā-roto. Ko tō aratau aunoa kei te kati i te piripono kare ā-roto.

Ki te ngana tētahi hoa ki te hono atu ki a koe i tētahi taumata hohonu ake, ka kati koe i ngā tatau katoa, ā, kāore e tukua kia uru mai rātou. Tērā pea kei te āwangawanga koe kei whakamahia ngā kōrero e whakakitea ana e koe hei whakahē i a koe. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe mā te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro ka roa ake tō noho i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Ahakoa pēhea, kāore koe i te pai ki te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro. He maha ngā wā, ka whakaaro pea ō hoa kei te whakaipoipo rātou i tētahi tāne, i tētahi wahine rānei kāore e taea te whakapā atu ki a rātou. Ko tētahi amuamu tonu ko tō kore kōrero me tō kore whakawhirinaki. Nā te mea ki te kore koe e whakaatu i tō taha ngoikore ki tō hoa, tera pea ka tangohia e rātou tō taha whakaraerae. Te whakaipoipo i tētahi tangata e mataku ana ki te herekore ehara i te mea ngāwari.

5. Kaitātari o te tau  

Me i reira he tohu mō te tangata tino pouri o te ao, kāore koe e whakaaro ka toa. Hei tangata e whakaatu ana i ngā tohu o ngā raruraru here i roto i te ao, tera pea ka tangohia e koe he huarahi whakaaro kino me te arohaehae mō ngā whanaungatanga, te aroha, te aroha, me ngā hononga hoa. Ko ngā kōrero pēnei i te "He nui rawa te whakanui i te aroha" me te "He pai ake kia noho takakau ahau" ka waiho hei mea nui māu. Ki te uru koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga here, ka kaha koe ki ōna ngoikoretanga, ā, ka kore e aro ki ōna pikinga.

Tērā pea ka puta he āhua ki te matapae i te aituā. Ina puta he hē, ka whakaaro koe "I mōhio ahau i te tīmatanga" me te "tērā pea ka tupu tēnei". Ka horapa atu tēnei āhua ki ētahi atu wāhi, ā, ka kitea pea koe e tino whakahē ana i tō hoa. Ina tautohe kōrua, ka whakamahi koe i ngā kīanga pēnei i te "Koinei tonu te take e pai ake ai ahau ki te noho ko au anake"? Kei te whakaatu koe i tētahi take tawhito o ngā raruraru herenga.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te mōhio mēnā ko ia te mea e pai ana ki a koe – 23 ngā tohu mārama

6. He wairua pākiki             

Kāo, ehara tēnei i te mihi. E mōhio ana mātou he maha āu pātai, "He aha ahau i raru ai i te whakapau kaha ki ngā mea katoa?" Engari ehara i te mea koinei anake te wā e hiahia ana koe ki te mōhio. Mō ngā whanaungatanga me te whakapau kaha, he tere rawa koe ki te pātai i ngā pātai kino: He aha te take o tēnei katoa? Kia pēhea te roa? He aha ai te hanga mahere mō te heke mai ina he pea ngā mea i roto i tēnei wā? Kia pēhea taku tino mōhio ki tēnei tangata?

E kī ana a Kranti, "He tino ngāwari te whakaputa ruarua a ēnei tāngata. E whakapae ana rātou ki te whakapau kaha katoa. Ko ngā 'mehemea' ka tino kaha ina whakaarohia e te tangata mataku ki te whakapau kaha he whanaungatanga mō te wā roa."Ko te whakaaro nui rawa atu i roto i ngā wāhine e pā ana ki ngā take herekore. Ā, i te nuinga o te wā, he rite ēnei pātai ki te domino - ka whai tetahi i tetahi. Engari, ko te tumanako ka taea e mātou te whakaweto i tō whakaaro i te wā tata nei."

7. Kāore i te pumau – He tohu kei te raru te whakapau kaha o te tangata

Āe, he mea nui tēnei. Ki te wehi koe kei herea koe ki tētahi tangata, ka rerekē ō whanonga ki a rātou. Tērā pea ka whai mai ngā wā o te aroha nui me ngā wā o te wairua korekore. He wera koe, he makariri hoki, ā, ka hoha tō hoa ki ēnei panonitanga whakakatakata. Kāore rātou i te mōhio ki te kōrero ā-roto e mahia ana e koe. E tino mōhio ana ahau he pono ō kare ā-roto – he uaua noa ki a koe te whai i aua kare ā-roto me te mahi. 

Ina riro te wehi o te whakapau kaha i te whakaaro nui me te aroha, ka oma atu koe ki te pae tawhiti o te noho takitahi me ōna paingaEngari ina maharatia koe ki te ataahua o tētahi whanaungatanga, ka hoki tonu koe ki roto i ngā ringa o tō hoa. Kāore e tika kia kīia, kāore e pumau tēnei whanonga. Ka hoha ngā taha e rua, ā, ki te pono, he ahua koretake ki te tangata e piri tahi ana koe.

8. Hītori kino 

Kua tae te wā ki te hoki whakamuri ki ngā maharatanga. Whakaarohia ō whanaungatanga o mua. He poto noa iho te wā? I tūtaki ki tētahi mutunga kino, pōuri rānei? He maha ngā amuamu a ō hoa o mua mōu? Ko te hītori whakaipoipo kino he tohu nō te wehi o te piripono. Me whakaaroaro noa koe i roto i te hinengaro kia whiwhi ai i te whakaū o ōu hiahia. 

I tae taku hoa a Maka ki tēnei whakatau i ētahi marama kua pahure. I kite ia ko tana aho o ngā moe pō kotahi, ngā whanaungatanga whakaipoipo, me te whanaungatanga poto engari kaha kotahi hei tohu i tōna mataku ki te here. I pā tēnei kitenga ki a ia i te wāhi mamae, engari e koa ana te katoa kua kite ia i tēnei mea. (Nā te mea he kitea ake ngā take here i roto i ngā tāne.) Mā te Rāpare whakamuri, te Paraire whakamuri rānei ka āwhina i a koe ki te kite i ngā mea i roto i te tirohanga pai ake. 

9. Te noho i te wā tonu

Kāo, ehara tēnei i te mihi. Ko tētahi tēnei o ngā tohu o ngā raruraru herenga. E mōhio ana koe he raruraru ina kore tetahi e kōrero mō te wāhi e anga atu ana rātou. E kī ana a Kranti, "Kāore te mataku herenga e tuku i te tangata ki te haumi ki te heke mai. Kāore rātou e whakarite mahere, e mahi whakatau rānei me tā rātou hoa. Ka arotahi rātou ki te wā o nāianei. Ko ngā pātai pēnei i te "kei hea tēnei e anga atu ana" me te "me pēhea tō tirohanga ki te heke mai" ka karohia i ngā utu katoa."

Ki te wehi koe ki te whakaaro mō te wā roa, ka mahi koe i ngā mea katoa hei karo i te 'kōrero' ki tō hoa rangatira. Ā, ki te mea ka kōwhiria koe ki te kōrero i taua mea, ka rite tō whakautu ki te "Ko wai ka mōhio ki te āhua o te heke mai?" (He take tawhito tēnei mō ngā raruraru here i roto i ngā tāne). Ka tino whakarihariha, ka āwangawanga hoki tō hoa i muri i tētahi wā.

Āe, me pēhea koe i haere ai? I kite koe i a koe anō i roto i ēnei tohu o tētahi e raru ana ki te whakapau kaha? Mena ko te whakautu he kāo, kāore he mea hei manukanuka māu. Engari ki te mea ko te whakautu he āe… kāore tonu he mea hei manukanuka māu. Kāore he mea e kore e taea te wikitoria mā te mahi kaha me te manawanui. Ka mahi mātou i ētahi rapunga raruraru nui, ā, ka āwhina i a koe ki te wikitoria i tēnei raruraru. Kua tae ki te wā ki te haere tonu ki ngā huarahi whetu e 5 hei whakatau i te mataku ki te whakapau kaha. 

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5 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakatau i te Wehi o te Whakaaetanga

I tuhituhi a Madeleine L'Engle, "Ki te tuku tātou i a tātou ki tētahi tangata mō te ora, ehara tēnei i te whakakorenga i te herekore, e ai ki te whakaaro o te tini tāngata; engari, me māia ki te neke ki roto i ngā mōrearea katoa o te herekore, me te mōrearea o te aroha pumau; ki roto i taua aroha ehara i te taonga engari he whai wāhi." He ara roa te mārama ki tēnei kura whakaaro mō te tangata e wehi ana i te herekore. Ahakoa kāore pea koe e awhi i te whakaaro o te noho tahi me tētahi mō te ora, ka taea e koe te ako ki te kite i ētahi painga o roto. 

Ki te kore e mau tonu tētahi hononga kotahi, ka pāngia koe e te whakaaro koretake me te koretake. Inaa, he maha ngā wā ka haere tahi te pouri me ngā take here. Kia mahara, he rerekē rawa te kore e hiahia ki te noho pūmau i roto i tētahi hononga me te mōhio. He whiringa whaiaro tēnei nā te tangata takitahi. Engari i te mea kei te hiahia koe ki tētahi mea nui engari kei te aukatihia koe e tētahi, e ētahi rānei take kāore anō kia whakatauhia, kua tae ki te wā ki te hanga i ētahi huringa.

Anei ngā huarahi e rima hei wikitoria i ngā raruraru herenga. Ka taea e koe te whakatinana i aua mea i tō ake tere. Me whakarite pea he huarahi whakaora nā te mea kāore he tikanga kotahi e pai ana mō te katoa. Hei tauira, ko te wikitoria i ngā raruraru herenga i roto i ngā wāhine me whai rautaki rerekē i tā ngā tāne. Kia tuwhera ki te whakamātau i ia mea, kaua e whakakore i tētahi o aua mea – puta atu i tō rohe whakamarie. Nā te mea kua mau i a koe ēnei kupu tohutohu/whakatūpato, haere tonu ki te pānui. 

1. Me pēhea te whakatau i ngā tohu o te whakapau kaha i roto i te ao? Rapua he āwhina ngaio 

E kī ana a Kranti, "Ko te huarahi pai ki te wikitoria i te wehi o te whakapau kaha ko te kōrero mō ō raruraru me te ako i te pūtake o te wehi. He whakaaro pai te toro atu ki tētahi kaiārahi. Ka taea e koe te whiriwhiri i te whakaora takitahi me te mahi i ngā mea, te haere rānei ki te kaiārahi whanaungatanga me tō hoa. Ahakoa pēhea, ka whiwhi koe i te aratohu me te tautoko pakari. Ka nui te wā me te kaha e hiahiatia ana mō te tukanga engari ka whai hua."

He whakamātautau roa te wikitoria i ngā raruraru here i roto i te whanaungatanga, e whakamātautau ana i tō manawanui, engari ehara i te mea kāore e taea mēnā he aratohu tika. He tokomaha ngā tāngata e kaha ake ana ki te here i muri i te rapu tautoko mai i te hapori hauora hinengaro. I Bonobology, ka tukuna e mātou awhina ngaio mā roto i tā mātou rōpū kaiwhakaora me ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whai raihana. Ka taea e koe te tātari pai ake i tō āhuatanga me te tīmata i te ara whakaora me te iti o te āwhina me te tohutohu. 

2. Me hikoi peepi 

Me ngāwari koe ki te uru atu ki roto. Ae, ko te tikanga he nui te puta atu i tō rohe whakamarie, engari koinei hoki te huarahi tino whai hua ki te wikitoria i te wehi o te whakapau kaha. He pai mōu ngā mahi iti pēnei i te waiho i tētahi paraihe niho ki te kāinga o tō hoa, te noho rānei i ētahi pō ki tō rātou kāinga i ia wiki. Kāore e taea e koe te tumanako kia tipu ake koe me te kore e whakapau kaha. 

Kaua e akiaki i a koe kia noho hei tangata tino pūmau. Tukua kia rere noa te panonitanga, ā, horoia atu ō tohu mataku mō te pūmau, takitahi. Hei tāpiri, mā te noho tahi me tētahi tangata aroha, mārama hoki ka nui ake te rerekētanga. Mena kei te mōhio tō hoa rangatira ki ō raruraru pūmau i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, kei te whiriwhiri tonu ia ki te noho tahi me koe, tērā pea kāore te heke mai e tino pōuri ki a koe. Taria, kei te tata mai te mea tika!

E whakamārama ana a Kranti, "Ina ngana ana te tangata mataku ki te whakapau kaha ki te taunga ki te whakaaro o te noho roa, me tautoko, me manawanui hoki tōna hoa. He tino uaua te whakaipoipo i tētahi he raruraru whakapau kaha tōna. He maha ngā mahi ā-roto me ngā pakanga kei te haere. Engari mā te pupuri tonu i te kaha ka puta he hua. E ai ki te kōrero, ko te āta haere me te pumau te toa!"

3. Kōrero māhorahora 

He mea nui te pono ki te whakatau i ngā take herenga. Heoi anō, ina honoa e koe ki te māramatanga. Ina whakaatu koe i ngā tohu o ngā take herenga, kia tino kōrero ki tō hoa i runga i te ngākau māhaki, me te mārama hoki. Whakamāramahia pai rawa atu ngā take o tō raruraru, me te matapaki i tētahi huarahi mahi e pai ana mō te katoa. Mā te mahi tahi koe e āwhina ki te ārai i ngā raruraru ā muri ake nei. 

Mā tēnei ka māmā ake te māramatanga i waenganui i a kōrua – ka ngana tō hoa rangatira ki te tū ki roto i ō kōrua hu mō tētahi wā poto. Mā tēnei ka māmā ake ngā mea māu anō hoki. He maha ngā mea ngā mahi whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ka taea e tēnei te āwhina i a koe i tēnei wā o te hiahia. Kōrero mai i te ngākau, ā, ka pai ngā mea katoa. He mea nui ake tēnei mō ngā tāne e pānui ana i tēnei, he uaua ake pea ki a rātou te whakapuaki i ō rātou whakaaro. Kāore he mea miharo ka roa te wā e whakatauhia ai ngā raruraru here o ngā tāne.

4. Whakamātauria tētahi wāhi kotahi mēnā kei te whakaatu koe i ngā tohu o ngā raruraru whakapau kaha

Ahakoa te āhua nei kāore e whai hua tēnei, tera pea ka whai hua i roto i te take tino mataku ki te herenga. Ā, ina kī tātou he wāhi takitahi, ko te tikanga he wāhi takitahi. He mea tino kore e whakaaetia ngā hononga. Kia matara atu i ngā here katoa, kia noho humarie koe. Whakamahia tēnei wā ki te whakaaroaro me te whakatika i ō hapa i roto i tō ao. Kei a koe te tikanga mēnā ka mahia e koe tēnei mā te rongoā hinengaro, mā tētahi atu huarahi rānei. 

Ka taea hoki e koe te whakakī i a koe ki ētahi atu mahi pēnei i te mahi, ngā hākinakina, ngā hoa, te whānau, me ētahi atu. Mā te hunga hauora ka hanga he whanaungatanga hauora – kia noho ko koe te putanga pai rawa atu o koe i mua i te whakapuaki i tō oranga ki tētahi atu. Mā te wā poto nei ka kawea mai e koe te rangimārie, te haumaru, me te aroha nui ki a koe anō mēnā kei te whakaatu koe i ētahi tohu o te raruraru whakapau kaha i roto i te ao.

5. Parakatihi whakaaro

Kāore koe e hiahia kia matatau ki te taha wairua hei whakamātau i ēnei mahi. Te mahi whakaaro hinengaro Ko ngā mahi pēnei i te tuhi i ngā rātaka, te manawa hōhonu, me ngā mahi arotahi e aro ana ki te whakatau i te taurite o roto; ka kawea koe ki te āhua o te rangimārie me te māramatanga o roto. Mā te tuhi i roto i te rātaka ka taea e koe te mōhio ki a koe anō, ko te manawa hōhonu me ngā mahi arotahi ka taea te whakamarie i ngā raruraru tinana me te hinengaro. He tino whai hua ēnei mahi hei rongoā mō ngā take here i roto i ngā wāhine. He huarahi pai ēnei hei pehi i te manukanuka me te whakautu i tētahi pātai tino nui - he aha ahau i raru ai i te here ki ngā mea katoa?

Kua mōhio koe i ngā mea katoa mai i ngā tohu o ngā raruraru herekore ki ngā huarahi hei whakakore i aua raruraru. Mā tēnei mōhiotanga koe e āwhina ki te whakapai ake i ō whakaaro - ahakoa te aroha me ērā atu mea. Ko te tumanako i hoatu e mātou he aratohu tika ki a koe i tēnei wā o te raruraru. Tukuna mai ō whakaaro ki te wāhanga kōrero. E harikoa ana mātou ki te rongo mai i ngā kōrero a ā mātou kaipānui!

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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