Te Pōma Aroha a te Tangata Whakahē: Te Huringa Tūkino, Ngā Tauira me te Aratohu Taipitopito

Porohia te aroha

Ko wai kāore e hiahia kia ringihia te aroha me te aro o te tangata e noho tahi ana rāua? Engari, me pēhea mēnā ka tīmata te ahua kua nui rawa te aroha i te wā e tere rawa ana? Me pēhea mēnā kei te whakararuraru, kei te pōhēhē koe? Kua tīmata koe ki te kite i tēnei tauira e pupuhi ana tō hoa i a koe ki te aroha, kātahi ka meinga koe kia whakaaro me te mea he nama tāu ki a rātou hei utu. Mēnā kei te pā tēnei ki a koe, tera pea kei roto tātou i te aroha whakahihi.

Hei mārama ki tēnei whanonga, i kōrero mātou ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro Pragati Sureka (MA i roto i te Hinengaro Hauora, ngā whiwhinga ngaio mai i te Kura Hauora o Harvard), he tohunga ki te aro atu ki ngā take pēnei i te whakahaere riri, ngā take mātua, me te marena tukino me te kore aroha mā roto i ngā rauemi kaha kare ā-roto. I kōrero mai ia ki a mātou mō te whakapehapeha me te pōma aroha, ngā huringa tukino, ngā tauira me ngā otinga.

He aha te pōma aroha narcissistic?

Ripanga o Ihirangi

Pragati e kōrero mai ana ki a tātou mō te pūtake o tēnei kupu kia pai ake ai te mārama ki tōna mauri. E mea ana ia, "Kāore te kupu 'love bombing' i hangaia e ngā tohunga hinengaro. I whakamahia tēnei i ngā tau 1970 e ngā mema o te Hāhi Unification. Ko ngā mema hou ka pomahia e te aroha e ngā kai kimi tāngata. Ko te tikanga me ruia rātou ki te aro, ki te whakapatipati me te aroha hei kukume i a rātou ki roto i te karakia me te whiwhi i tā rātou ngohengohe mutunga kore."

Mō te whakamahinga o te kupu i tēnei wā, e kī ana a Pragati, "Pērā i roto i te karakia, ka whakamahia te love bombing hei whakatenatena i te pono me te ngohengohe, engari i roto i te whanaungatanga." Ko te love bombing he taputapu tukino me te raweke. He huarahi hei whakatū mana whakahaere i te tangata. Ko te whāinga matua o te love bombing he whakahoki mai i tetahi mea. Ka hoatu e te kaitukino ki tana patunga te aro, ngā koha, ngā whakamoemiti, ngā mahi ratonga me te whāinga kia whiwhi i tō rātou whakawhirinaki. Kātahi ka ngana te kaitukino ki te tiki i tetahi mea mai i te patunga hei utu.

Mā tēnei whanonga ka whakaaro te patunga he nama tārewa ki te kaitukino, ā, ka pēhia hoki kia hoatu ki a rātou tā rātou e hiahia ana. Ina kore te patunga e whakaae ki ngā tono, ina ngana rānei ki te whakatakoto rohe hauora Ka akiaki te kaitukino i te patunga kia whakama, kia kore whakawhetai rānei. Tērā pea ka whakaaro te patunga i te tīmatanga he nama tā rātou ki te kaitukino.

Mēnā kei te pātai koe he aha te whakahihi aroha, kia mōhio mai, ahakoa ka taea e te tangata te whakahihi aroha, ko tēnei whanonga tinihanga te mea tino kitea i roto i te hunga whai āhuatanga whakahihi. Ko te whakahihi aroha he mahi whaiaro, he whakahihi, koia te take e whakaatu ai te hunga whai āhuatanga whakahihi i roto i ō rātou tuakiri me te hunga kua tāpaetia he Mate Whaiaro Whakahihi, he NPD rānei i tēnei whanonga.

Kei te pōmaatia ahau e te aroha? Pātaitai

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NPD me te Pōma Aroha

Ka taea e te tangata te aroha pōma, engari ka whakaatu te tangata aroha pōma i ngā āhua whakapehapeha nā te mea ko te āhua matua o tēnei mahi e aro ana ki te whakaaro o te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia whaiaro mā roto i ngā tikanga tinihanga. Nā konei ka hono tahi te whakapehapeha me te aroha pōma, pērā i te panga. Nō reira, ko te tangata aroha pōma he tangata whai āhua whakapehapeha, he tangata rānei kua kitea he Mate Whaiaro Pōma, he NPD rānei.

E whakaahua ana te Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders i te hunga whakahihi e whakaatu ana i te whakapehapeha nui, te kore aroha, me te hiahia kia whakanuia. Ko ētahi atu āhuatanga ko te whakapehapeha me te whanonga whakakake, ngā whanonga whakamahi me te tinihanga e aro ana ki te whai hua whaiaro, me ngā wawata o te angitu, te mana, te ataahua me te kanapa. Ka hangaia e ēnei āhuatanga he taiao pai mō ngā whanaketanga o te tukino kia pirau i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.

He tohu anō hoki ēnei āhuatanga katoa mō tētahi mea. Ka mahi te tangata whakahihi i ngā mea katoa i roto i tōna kaha kia kore ai e aukatia te whakanui i tōna whakapehapeha. Ko te whakamomori aroha tētahi o ngā rautaki mā rātou kia mōhio ai kei reira tētahi i roto i tō rātou ao hei whakatutuki i ā rātou hiahia paitini. He tukanga tēnei hei whakahaere i tō rātou ara kia riro mai ai te mana whakahaere i tētahi tangata. Ka hoatu e rātou ētahi me te whakaaro kia nui ake te moni ka riro mai i muri mai.

Ka tāpirihia e Pragati tētahi atu paparanga ki tēnei kōrero. E mea ana ia mō te tangata whakahihi e pāngia ana e te aroha, "He maha tonu te noho kau o te tangata, ā, he tino he iti te kiritauKa uru atu rātou ki tētahi whanaungatanga hei tautoko i tō rātou ake ingoa, engari ka kitea e rātou kāore e taea e rātou te aroha ki tētahi atu nā te mea kāore rātou e pai ki a rātou anō. Ka puta he whakaoho mana ki a rātou nā te mea e hiahiatia ana rātou.

Hei tāna anō, "Ka kimi te hunga whakahihi i tētahi tangata kei a rātou ngā āhuatanga kāore i a rātou, ā, ka ngana ki te whakahaere i a rātou, ki te ora i roto i aua āhuatanga. Hei tauira, ko te tangata whakahihi e kite ana i a ia anō kāore e matatau ki te kōrero i mua i te marea, ki te whaikōrero rānei ki tētahi rōpū, ka hiahia pea ia ki te whakahaere i tētahi tangata karismā nui ake kia taea ai e ia te huna i ōna ake ngoikoretanga."

Te Huringa Tūkino Pōma Aroha

He maha ngā wā ka puta te whakamomori aroha whakahihi hei huringa tukino whakahihi e taea te matapae. Ko te hunga i roto i ēnei whanaungatanga tukino ka wheako i tēnei hei raupapa o ngā wāhanga e toru.

1. Te Whakahirahira

Koinei te wāhanga tuatahi o te huringa aroha whakahihi. E mōhio ana tātou ki te wāhanga hei wāhanga e whai wāhi ana ki te mahi aroha-whakahihi kua mārama nei tātou. Ka kiia tēnei wāhanga ko te "Whakaaroaro" nā te mea koinei tonu te mahi a te kaipahua. Ka hangaia e rātou he āhua tino pai o te patunga me te whanaungatanga, ā, ka meinga rātou kia whakaaro kāore he tangata i te ao e tino tika ana i te patunga.

Ka pupuhi te tangata tukino i te tangata whakahihi ki te patunga me te whakapatipati, te aro, ngā koha, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mutunga kore me ētahi atu momo whakaaro pai ka akohia e rātou e te patunga. He harikoa tēnei wāhanga ki te patunga. Ko te "pai rawa ki te pono" he kare ā-roto noa e mōhiotia ana e ngā patunga o te whakahihi aroha. Ka tīmata te patunga ki te āta whakaaro kei roto rātou i te whanaungatanga piripono me te kaitūkino.

ngā tauira o te pōma aroha whakahihi — Ka taea e te pōma aroha whakahihi te whakamā i te tangata i pāngia e te āhua kore whakamarie

2. Whakaitihia te uara

Kia mōhio te kaitukino ki te pono me te aroha o tā rātou patunga, ka mutu te wā o te aro nui, ā, ka tīmata te whakaiti i te uara. Ka huri te kaitukino ki te tinihanga, te whakahē, te amuamu me te whakahaere freak engari. E whakaaro ana te tangata i pāngia me te mea e tika ana kia puta te aroha me te mārama ki te tangata i tukino i a rātou nā te aroha i whakawhiwhia ki a rātou. E whakaaro ana rātou me tuku i ā rātou tono.

E kī ana a Pragati, "Ka whiwhi ngā pāngia i ngā mihi whakamihi mai i a rātou. I te tīmatanga i aroha te kaitukino ki ngā mea katoa, ināianei ka tae mai te wā ka tīmata rātou ki te āhua hoha ki te pāngia. Kāore rātou e hiahia ki te whakapau i ō rātou kare ā-roto, kaha, wā rānei ki te pāngia. Tērā pea ka tīmata te puta o ngā take moepuku. Ina whakaatu te pāngia i te hiahia mō ngā rohe hauora, te āhua nei ka piki haere te take."

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3. Makahia

I roto i ētahi hononga tukino pēnei, i tēnei wā ka pakaru pea te hononga e te tangata whakahihi aroha. Ka whakarērea pea e rātou te patunga i muri i te whakahaere i a rātou, ka neke atu ki tētahi atu ki te kimi patunga hou. I roto i ētahi atu hononga kāore te wehenga i te wehenga ōkawa, ka mutu te hononga wairua o te kaipahua mā te kore e aro ki te patunga. Ka wareware rātou ki a rātou, ka meinga rātou kia whakaaro kāore rātou e tika ana kia arohia e rātou.

I tēnei wā, ka mutu te whanaungatanga mō ake tonu atu, ka mutu rānei mō tētahi wā. E pōhēhē ana, e whakamahia ana hoki te tangata i whakarērea, kāore e mārama he aha i pai ai te tangata i aroha nui ki a ia ki te kore e aro ki tōna hiahia mō te whakaute me te uara.

4. Te horoi i te kākahu

Ko te Hoovering te wāhanga e hoki whakamuri ai te huringa aroha whakahihi ki te taahiraa tuatahi. Me whakahaere anō e te hunga whakahihi te patunga kotahi, te patunga hou rānei kia taea ai e rātou te whakakī i tō rātou puna whakahihi e memeha haere ana. Ka tīmata anō te aroha whakahihi i roto i te āhua o te whakahihi huna.

I muri i te whakaiti me te whakarērea o tā rātou hoa, ka tīmata pea te ahua o te hoovering, te Love Bombing 2.0 rānei, he whaiwhai me te whakapāha, he whakapuakitanga nui o te aroha me te whakapāha. Ko te kore e hoatu he wāhi ki te patunga kia whakapuaki i tōna riri, te rapu murunga hara, te whakapāha teka, te whakapatipati, te aro, te koha… ā, ka haere tonu te huringa.

Kia pēhea te roa o te atamira "Love Bombing"?

"Ka roa te wā e hiahiatia ana te whakamomori aroha," te kī a Pragati. "Ka roa te wā e hiahiatia ana e te kaipahua te whakamomori aroha kia mau ai te mana whakahaere i te patunga i mua i te huri ki te tono. Me whakarite kia noho koe i raro i tō rātou mana whakahaere, ā, kua mau hoki tō pono."

Ka roa pea te wā whakamomori aroha mō ētahi rā, ētahi wiki, ētahi marama, ētahi tau rānei. Kāore he wā whakarite rite tonu ki te wā whakaipoipo, ki te wā rānei wā honi o tētahi whanaungatanga e hoatu ana e te tokorua ō rāua kaha ki a rāua anō. Ka tīmata rāua ki te noho mārire, ka tuku i ētahi atu mea kia riro i a rāua ina mōhio te hoa he haumaru. Mā tēnei haumaru ka mōhio rāua kua oti te mahi matua o te whanaungatanga, kua whakatūria te whakawhirinaki me te whanaungatanga piripono, ā, tera pea ka tangohia he wā wātea. He huringa noa tēnei, he mea ā-roto, he mea kore-mārama hoki.

He rite tonu te mahi a te hinengaro i roto i te aroha whakahihi, engari he mahi tinihanga tēnei. He rerekē te whāinga. Ina whakaarohia te roa o te wā aroha whakahihi, ka ara ake anō tētahi atu pātai, me pēhea te wehewehe i te whakaaturanga pono o te aroha, te momo aroha pai me te noa, mai i te aroha whakahihi.

Ka whakahoki a Pragati, "Ina aroha te tangata tūturu, ka whakaatu hoki rātou i ngā ngoikoretanga mō rātou anō. He takitahi ahurei tātou katoa. Ka whakaatu tātou i ō tātou taha pai, engari ka mutu, ka whakaatu anō hoki tātou i ō tātou taha kino. Engari ki te kite noa koe i te taha pai o tētahi, tera pea kei te tinihanga rātou i a koe." Ka tāpiri atu ia, "Ko te whakamomori aroha he rite ki te kapi i te aro, te whakapati me te aroha. Tērā pea ka harikoa koe engari ka pōhēhē hoki, ka tīmata te whakaaro 'āe, he pai rawa tēnei kia pono'. Engari, ina pai rawa tetahi mea kia pono, he pono tonu."

Ngā Tauira o te Whakahē i te Aroha o te Hunga Whakahē

Nā te mea kua mārama tātou ki te tikanga o te aroha whakahihi, me titiro tātou ki te āhua o tēnei aroha whakahihi. He mea nui kia mōhiotia ko ēnei tauira aroha whakahihi me ako i roto i te horopaki o tētahi ki tētahi me te kare ā-roto e whakaohokia ana e rātou i roto i te patunga. Mā ēnei tauira anō, ka taea hoki e ia o ēnei tauira te whakaatu hauora i te aroha pono me te whakamoemiti.

Ngā mihi: Ka pupuhi te tangata tukino i te tangata whakahihi me te tangata e aroha ana ki a ia anō ki ngā kupu whakamihi me ngā kupu whakapatipati teka ki te tangata i tukinotia.
Gifts: Mā ngā koha nui rawa, mā te whakapau moni nui rānei ki te patunga ka whakaaro te patunga he nama tārewa ki te kaitukino. E whakaaro ana rātou he kawenga tā rātou ki te whakatutuki i ngā tono a te kaitukino.
"Hoa wairua": Te whakaara ake i ngā ariā o "te kotahi",hoa wairua me te hononga wairua hohonu"," te "aituā" me ērā atu momo kīanga i te tīmatanga tonu o te whanaungatanga ina kore e ahua pono
Te Whakaaetanga Whakahau: Te akiaki i te whakapau kaha, me te tono puku kia whakahokia mai i te patunga i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga ina whakaarohia kāore e tika ana
Te pupuri tonu i te hononga: Ko te kore e tuku i te patunga kia whai wāhi, kia manawa, kia arotake i ō rātou kare ā-roto hou, e huna ana i raro i te kākahu o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tonu me te pupuri tonu i te whanaungatanga. He maha ngā wā ka mahue te patunga kāore he wā ki te noho ko ia anake, ki te whakahoahoa rānei ki tētahi atu huarahi.

E whakaatu ana a Pragati i tētahi tauira o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, he whanaungatanga tukino e tohuhia ana e te aroha whakahihi. E mea ana ia, "I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, kua rite te tangata ki te whakaae ki ngā pikinga me ngā hekenga. Kua rite te tangata ki te whakapāha me te whakarongo ki ngā tirohanga a tō rātou hoa, me te mahi i a rātou anō. Hei tauira, ka kī atu pea tētahi ki tō rātou hoa, 'I whakanuia e koe tō reo, kāore au i pai ki tēnā.' Ka whakautu te hoa, "Āe, i pā ki a koe tēnā? Aroha mai." He tauhohenga ā-roto tēnā ki tētahi e aroha ana ki a koe, ā, e arohaina ana hoki e koe.

Engari ina kōrero tātou mō te aroha whakahihi, i te tīmatanga ka kōrero te tangata i ēnei mea. Engari ka tae mai te wā ka tautohetohe noa te tangata, ka whakapae i a koe. Ka kī rātou i ngā mea pēnei i te 'Kei te amuamu tonu koe, kāore koe i te makona.' He rerekē rawa te urupare ki tētahi amuamu e whakapuakina ana e koe mō tō hoa.

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Nā, he aha ngā mea hei maumahara māu mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga tukino, arā, te tukino i te kare ā-roto me te hinengaro, me tētahi hoa aroha whakahihi e whakaaro ana koe kua tinihanga i a koe i roto i te huarahi ōrite. E whakatūpato ana a Pragati, "Ko te hunga i pāngia e te aroha whakahihi, te āhua nei kāore e taea te kite i te tauira o te tukino, te kite rānei i a rātou anō kāore e taea te puta mai i taua whārite. Tērā pea he iti ō rātou whakaaro ki a rātou anō, kāore rānei e kitea i roto i a rātou te kaha ki te aroha ki a rātou anō. Kua kahakina rātou e te whakapatipati, e te whakamoemiti rānei, ā, kāore rātou e mutu ki te whakaaro he pai rawa atu tēnei kia pono."

Engari he nui rawa atu ēnei whanonga, ā, ka koa, ka ohorere hoki te tangata i pāngia, engari ka kore hoki e pai. Koia te take he mea nui kia mōhio ki ō kare ā-roto. "Kia aro ki ō kare ā-roto. Ki te mea he rerekē tetahi mea, tera pea he rerekē tetahi mea," te kī a Pragati. Me mātakitaki hoki ki te urupare a tō hoa ki ō hiahia me ō āwangawanga. Ki te kore rātou e whakapau kaha ki te aro atu ki ō āwangawanga, ki te riri rānei rātou ina mahi koe, he mea nui rawa atu tēnā. haki whero.

Ka taea e koe te whakaaro ki te rapu tautoko mai i ngā hoa pono o ō hoa me tō whānau. E kī ana hoki a Pragati kia tono āwhina mai i ngā kaitohutohu whakangungu e tino matatau ana ki te whakahaere i ēnei take. E kī mārama ana ia, "Ehara pea i te mea ko te tohutohu whānau noa te mea e whai hua ai. He take tēnei o tētahi tangata he tangata whakahihi, ko tētahi he tangata whakawhirinaki tahi. Ko tētahi e aro nui ana ki ngā mate hinengaro, ā, e mārama ana ki te pūtake o ēnei whanonga, he pai ake mō te whakahaere i tō take."

Mena kei te rapu āwhina koe, kei konei te rōpū kaitohutohu tohunga me te pūkenga o Bonobology hei āwhina i a koe.

FAQs

1. He aha ngā mahi a te hunga whakahihi i te wā e pōrearea ana te aroha?

Ka pupuhi te tangata whakahihi i te aroha, ka huna i te tangata i pāngia e te aro, te whakapatipati, ngā koha, ngā tohu utu nui, ngā whakamoemiti me ērā atu mea. He mea noa anō hoki te kōrero mō te āhua o rāua, me te āhua o te whanaungatanga. Ka puta wawe rawa ēnei tauira o te whakahihi i te aroha. Kāore ēnei e mahia hei whakaaturanga pono o te tino harikoa mō tētahi whanaungatanga hou. He aha te whakahihi i te aroha mēnā ehara i te mahi tinihanga e mahia ana me te whakaaro kia whiwhi i te ngohengohe me te pono o tā rāua hoa, kia ngāwari ai te whakamahi i a rāua i muri mai.

2. He aha te take e pōma ai te aroha o te tangata whakahihi?

Ka whakahoki tā mātou tohunga a Pragati, "Ko te nuinga o te wā ka mahia te pōma aroha e rangatira manipulatorsKoia te take e haere tahi ai te whakapehapeha me te whakamomori aroha. Ko te tangata whakapehapeha aroha e hiahia ana ki te hanga i tētahi ahua rūpahu. I te tīmatanga, ka hiahia pea rātou kia whakapono koe ko koe te mea pai rawa atu o te ao. Engari i muri mai, ina riro mai i a rātou tō mana whakahaere, ka whakamahia koe e rātou, ā, ka riro i a rātou tō hiahia. E hiahia ana rātou ki te nui o te aroha me te aroha mai i a koe hei whakatutuki i tā rātou hiahia mō te whakanui whakapehapeha. Ko te tangata e pāngia ana e te whakamomori aroha e whakaaro ana he nama tā rātou ki tā rātou hoa tukino hei utu mō te "aroha", te aro me te moni e pau ana ki a rātou.

3. He pai ki te hunga whakahihi te whawhai tetahi ki tetahi?

Tērā pea ka ngāwari te aroha o te hunga whakahihi ki a rātou anō, ka kukume rānei tetahi ki tetahi nā ō rāua āhua ōrite. Tērā pea ka kukume rātou ki te āhua whakahihi rawa o tetahi ki tetahi. Kāore e tupu noa te "Whakaaroaro" te wā whakamomori aroha rānei i roto i tō rāua whanaungatanga, engari ka tupu anō hoki. Engari i roto i ngā wā tata nei, i a rāua e ngana ana ki te whakaiti i te uara o tetahi ki tetahi, ki te whakamahi kino tetahi i tetahi, ka puta te raruraru, nā te mea ka kore pea ngā hoa e rua e whakaae ki ngā tono a tetahi ki tetahi, nā te mea ehara i te mea ngāwari ki te tangata whakahihi te whakaaro he herenga, he aroha rānei ki tētahi atu tangata.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.