Te Marena me te Hototahi ā-Ira Tangata

Nā ngā panonitanga o te hapori, kua kore ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whakaae ki te whakaae i tētahi āhuatanga o tā rāua marena, ahakoa he pai te noho tahi i ētahi atu āhuatanga. Ko tētahi o aua āhuatanga ko te hototahitanga o te moepuku. He nui ake te hiahia kia hototahi ngā hoa i tēnei āhuatanga o tā rāua whanaungatanga, nā te mea kāore te moepuku e kiia ana he mea mō te whānau tamariki anake, engari he mea hoki hei whakatutuki i ngā hiahia me ngā wawata moepuku o tētahi ki tētahi.

Ko te whanaungatanga ā-hinengaro me te kore he whanaungatanga ā-tinana (me te rerekētanga rānei) ka hua ake he whanaungatanga e kore e eke ki tōna taumata tūturu. I roto i ngā huringa o te wā, kua nui ake te aro ki te hototahitanga ā-ira tangata i tō mua i te wā e marena ana ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, kāore i te whakaaro ki taua mea.

Kia hohonu ake tā tātou titiro ki te hiranga o te hototahitanga ā-ira tangata i roto i ngā marena, me te aha ka puta ina kite ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i muri i te 20 tau o te marena kei roto i tō rātou whanaungatanga te kore hototahitanga ā-ira tangata.

He pēhea te hiranga o te hototahitanga o te taatai ​​​​i roto i te marena?

I mua i te kōrero mō te hiranga o te hototahitanga o te moepuku, kia kotahi te whakaaro mō te "he aha te hototahitanga o te moepuku". Ahakoa he rerekē ngā whakautu a ia tokorua ki tēnei pātai nā te āhua ahurei o ia tokorua, ko te whakatutuki i tēnei pātai tētahi o ngā kaupapa matua o te whanaungatanga.

Ko te hototahitanga ā-ira tangata ko te wā e whakaae ana ngā hoa e rua ki ō rāua hiahia ā-ira tangata, ki ō rāua hiahia me ō rāua hiahia whakamā, me ō rāua tumanakohanga i runga i te moenga. Ka whakaaetia te auau o te moe tahi, ā, ka noho te hiahia tahi ki te wheako i te wā tahi, kaua ki te hiahia o tētahi hoa ki tētahi mea kāore e hiahiatia ana e tētahi atu hoa.

Ko te koretake o te moepuku i roto i te marena ka arahi ki te whanaketanga o ngā kare ā-roto kino i roto i te wā, pērā i te mauahara. Ko te koretake o ngā hiahia/matea i roto i te ao moepuku ka huri hei arewhana i roto i te rūma, ā, ina kōrerohia, ka arahi ki te tautohetohe tata tonu. Nō reira, he aha te hiranga o te hototahitanga moepuku i roto i te marena, ā, he aha ngā hua ka puta mai i tēnei? Anei ētahi kōrero.

1. Mā te hototahitanga ā-ira tangata i roto i te marena ka tutuki he whanaungatanga taurite

E kiia ana he whanaungatanga taurite te whanaungatanga e ngāwari ai te noho tahi a ngā hoa tokorua. Ahakoa te āhua pai o te marena e kore e taurite te moepuku i te tuatahi, ka roa pea te wā ka puta ngā pakaru ka whakahēngia ai te pūtake mōrearea o taua whanaungatanga.

Haunga te whanaungatanga piripono, ki te pai te hototahi o kōrua i waenga i ngā mahi moepuku, ka māmā ake te whakatū i tētahi whanaungatanga whai hua, kāore he ngangau, he manukanuka, he mauahara, he riri rānei.

2. Ka whakapai ake i te whanaungatanga ā-hinengaro

Ehara i te mea miharo, kāore e tino kitea te whanaungatanga piripono i roto i tētahi marena e kore e taurite te moepuku . Ina kore e whakaae te tokorua ki ngā hiahia moepuku o tētahi ki tētahi, ā, kāore te rūma moe i te wāhi tino harikoa, ka taea e ia te uru atu ki ētahi atu wāhanga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga.

Ki te mea kua mutu te kōrero, ā, kua tautohe noa iho, ngana ki te whakamātautau i te hototahitanga o te moepuku kia kitea ai te pai o tō kōrua noho tahi. He pai rawa atu rānei te moepuku e ai ki tō whakaaro?

3. Mā te hototahi ā-ira tangata ka whakaiti i ngā āputa kōrero

Kia taea e te tangata i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga te whakapuaki i ōna whakaaro ā-ira ki tōna hoa, ka pai ake tana whakapuaki i a ia anō i roto i ētahi atu āhuatanga. Mā te whakapuaki i tētahi wā piripono ki tō hoa ka taea te hanga whakawhirinaki, ā, ka noho haumaru ake tō whanaungatanga, ā, ka pai ake te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whānui.

Mā te kore e taurite te moepuku i roto i te marena ka ara ake pea he raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ā, ka mutu, ka taka koe ki raro i te pari pahekeheke o ngā tautohetohe, ngā whakahē, ngā māramatanga kore me ngā tumanakohanga kāore i te tutuki.

4. Ka whakaitihia e te hototahitanga ā-ira tangata ngā tumanakohanga koretake

Mō ngā tumanakohanga koretake i roto i ngā whanaungatanga , ko te kore hototahitanga ā-ira te take i ētahi wā. Ka kite koe i muri mai i roto i te tuhinga, ina he kore hototahitanga ā-ira, ka tumanako pea tetahi hoa ki tetahi mea e ahua wairangi ana ki tetahi atu.

Ā tōna wā, ka puta he raruraru nui, ā, ka whakaaroaro anō kōrua ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Ko te whakahaere i ngā tumanakohanga tētahi o ngā āhuatanga matua o te whanaungatanga, ā, ki te kore tēnei, ka raru pea te tangata.

He pānui e pā ana: Te Kore Aroha me te Whawhai i roto i te Hononga — 9 Ngā Huarahi e Pā Ana ki a Koe

Ko te whakautu ki te pātai "he aha te hiranga o te hototahitanga o te taatai ​​i roto i ngā whanaungatanga" he "tino nui". Tērā pea ka tautohe ētahi he whakaritenga tēnei mō tētahi whanaungatanga tino pai, kāore he wāhi mō ngā pouri. Mēnā kei te rapu koe i tētahi whakamātautau hototahitanga taatai ​​mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ko te whakautu kei roto i te harikoa o tō oranga taatai ​​me tō hoa.

Nā te mea kua kōrerohia e tātou "he aha te hototahitanga ā-ira tangata" me te mārama ki tōna hiranga, me titiro tātou ki ētahi tauira tūturu kua kitea e au mō te hototahitanga ā-ira tangata, me te pānga o ngā huringa o te wā ki tōna hiranga.

Kei te pāngia ngā marena o ēnei wā e te hototahitanga ā-ira tangata?

Kua kite ahau i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i te kaunihera marena kua whakanui i tō rātou huritau 45 ^– me ā rātou tamariki me ā rātou mokopuna kua marena – e kī ana, "Kāore i kitea te hototahitanga ā-ira i roto i tō mātou whanaungatanga. Kua noho tahi māua i ēnei tau katoa, engari kāore i kitea he pai o te ā-ira."

Ki ngā tamariki, he tino teitei ngā take kore taurite ā-ira tangata. Kua nui ake te hiahia o te whakatupuranga taitamariki ki te taatai, kua nui ake te tūhuratanga. E kitea ana he tika ki te whai i te ahuareka, he mea hou tēnei, nā te mea i ngā tau 20 ki muri kāore i kitea e ngā wāhine he tika. Mai i te wā i whakakorea ai ngā arai whakawhitiwhiti kōrero , kua nui ake te kōrero mō tēnei.

I roto i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kei roto i ō rātou tau 20 neke atu rānei, kua marenatia, ā, kei te haere ki te kura kōhungahunga te tamaiti, he taha tino pukuriri kei roto i te nuinga o ngā wāhine — e whakaaro ana rātou he tika tā rātou ki ō rātou hiahia moepuku, ā, me whakatutuki. Kāore he he o tēnei.

Ko ngā wāhine kei roto i ō rātou tau 30, ā, he 10 tau te pakeke o tā rātou tamaiti, kei te taunga haere rātou ki te meka he wāhanga o te ao te moepuku, ā, he pai, engari kei te aro nui atu rātou ki te ōritetanga o te ira tangata – ō rātou tika, ō rātou tuakiri, ā rātou mahi. "Kua pakeke ngā tamariki, ā, he pūkenga ahau, nō reira me mahi au – he wā-wāhanga pea, engari e hiahia ana ahau ki te mahi." Ki a rātou, ko te take ko te tuakiri ira tangata, ko te tuakiri ira tangata ki a rātou.

– Salony Priya , kaimātai hinengaro tohutohu.

Kua hurihia ngā whakaaro e te mōhiotanga ki te hototahitanga o te taatai

Mō ngā wāhine kei te tata ki te 40 tau te pakeke, he nui te korenga o te hiahia moepuku, ina whakaarohia kāore i tutuki ā rātou hiahia moepuku. I roto i ētahi take i tino tirotirohia, ko tāku i kite ai, ko te whakaaro i whakaae noa rātou ki ngā mea katoa i riro i a rātou i te wā i moe ai rātou i te 19, i te 20 rānei o ō rātou tau. "Kāore au i te mōhio nui, kāore he tangata i kōrero mō ēnei mea."

Nā te mea kua whānuitia te kōrero mō te hototahitanga o te moepuku, me te kore he whakaaro tapu e pā ana ki tēnā, kua tīmata te huri o ngā mea. Ko ngā wāhine anō e whakaaro ana kāore anō kia tutuki ō rātou hiahia moepuku, kei te kōrero whānuitia inaianei mō ngā raruraru.

Pānui e Pā Ana: He aha ngā tāne ka wehe atu ai i a rātou anō i muri i te whanaungatanga piripono?

He nui ake ō rātou mōhiotanga nā te nui o te mōhiotanga o te hapori ināianei, mai i ngā kiriata ki ngā pāpāho. I mua ake nei, i kī ō rātou whaea, "Kua pakeke ā koutou tamariki, nō reira kua tawhito katoa ēnei mea." I kitea te whanaungatanga ā-ira tangata hei wāhanga noa iho o te whānautanga. I tua atu i tēnā, kāore i hiahiatia. Kei te mōhio ngā wāhine inaianei he wāhanga noa iho o te whānautanga; he nui atu ngā mea kei tua atu i tēnā. I roto i te whanaungatanga, e hiahiatia ana te aro ki ō kare ā-roto me te whanaungatanga ā-ira tangata.

Te hototahitanga ā-ira tangata me ngā tāne o te whakatupuranga milenial/X

Ko te nuinga o ngā tāne i moe mō ngā tau 18-20 i kite i roto i tō rātou hiahia ki te whiwhi i te ahuareka, i mahia e rātou i runga i tā rātou ake ara. E mōhio ana ahau ki ētahi tāngata e tino tuwhera ana ki te kōrero mō tēnei mea, ā, kua hoki anō rātou ki te whakaae i hē rātou.

Ko te kore aro o te wahine ki te moepuku, ko te kore aro o tētahi o ngā hoa ki ngā hiahia o tētahi, ā, i te nuinga o te wā, ko ngā hiahia o te wahine ka warewarehia – e whakaaro ana ia kāore tana tāne e aro ki ōna kare ā-roto: "Me tupu tonu ngā mea i runga i tana ake huarahi, ā, kua kite ahau i ana huarahi, ā, kua hoha ahau ki tēnā." I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, kāore pea ngā marena o te tokorua i pakaru i mua i te aroaro o te hapori, engari i roto i a rātou kua pakaru – kua roa rāua e wehe ana . Ka mau tonu rāua i te noho tahi me te hapori nā te mea kāore anō ā rāua tamariki kia marena, kua marena rānei ā rāua tamariki, ā, kāore rāua e hiahia ki te waihanga raruraru mō rāua. Koinei te hunga e rapu ana i te awhina nui ki te tohutohu.

I pā mai tētahi tāne ki ahau kei te tata ki te 40 tau te pakeke, ā, he nui ngā hiahia moepuku. I moe ia i te 19 noa iho ōna tau, ā, kāore anō tana wahine kia 16 tau te pakeke. He tāne ia e pai ana ki te whakakakahu ātaahua, e mōhiotia whānuitia ana i roto i ngā porowhita pāpori, e pai ana ki te mahi i ngā mahi pāpori maha, ā, e whakaaro ana ia me noho tahi tana wahine me ia i ēnei mahi katoa. Kāore ia.

Kāore te wahine i te tino harikoa ki te tāne. Ki a ia, kāore ia i te aro ki a ia: "Kāore au i te mea nui ki a ia, ko tāna e hiahia ana he mea whakapaipai." Ā, ka mea te tāne, "Mō te whanaungatanga moepuku, he kuri mate taku wahine. E whakapae ana ia kei a au ētahi atu whanaungatanga nā te mea kei te whakama pea ia kāore ia e whakatutuki i aku hiahia. Kei te kī tonu ahau ki a ia koinei aku hiahia, ā, he tāne māua, he wahine māua. Kāore ia e whakautu mai."

Ina kōrero koe ki te wahine, ka mea ia, "Kāore e taea e au te manawanui atu. Kei te noho noa ahau nā te mea kua tae taku tamahine ki te pakeke e tika ana kia marena. Ki te wehe atu ahau i tēnei hononga, me pēhea taku tamahine e marena ai? Nō reira me noho tonu ahau ki tēnei tāne."

I ngana mātou ki te whakahaere i ngā wānanga whakaora hinengaro mō rāua tokorua, engari kāore te tāne i haere tonu me ngā wānanga; i haere atu ia nā te mea kua tino whakapono ia kei tana wahine te raruraru. Kāore ia e titiro ana ki tēnei hei raruraru o te kore hototahi me tōna kore aro.

Kei hea te anga whakamua o ngā marena i roto i ngā tau 20 e whai ake nei?

Heoi, i ēnei rā, kei te titiro te iwi ki te marena he mea akiaki. Ki taku whakaaro kei te mōrearea te marena hei umanga mena kāore tātou e mahi i tetahi mea hei whakanui ake i te aro ki te ira tangata, ki te kore rānei tātou e whakaae ki te whakawhiti i ngā tūranga ira tangata – arā, kāore te pāpā e haere ki te tari, kāore hoki te whaea e tunu kai.

He roa te ara kei mua i a tātou i tēnei ao. He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whai ana i tēnei ngākau aroha, e mārama ana ki tēnei, he pai ā rātou whanaungatanga, ā, e whakatipu ana i ngā tamariki tino taurite. He mea nui kia tautoko, kia kōrero, kia whakaatu hoki tātou i ngā mea pai.

He tohunga hinengaro tohutohu a Salony Priya , ā, e 18 tau te roa o tana wheako ki te whakangungu me te tohutohu puta noa i ngā whare wānanga, ngā whakahaere pāpori , ngā NGO me ngā umanga. Ko ia te Kaiwhakahaere o UMMEED, he whare wānanga hinengaro pai e aro nui ana ki ngā momo tohungatanga maha.

FAQs

Ngā hapa akuaku ka mahia pea e koe i mua, i te wā, i muri rānei i te moe tahi

Ngā Wāhanga e Rima o te Whakawhanaungatanga – Kimihia Kei hea Koe!

8 Ngā Huarahi e Pā ai te Hononga Tinana i mua i te Marena ki tō Hononga

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

Tirohia ta maatau Tukanga Etita

Tutaki ki ta maatau Poari Arotake

Tiri Urupare

He aha ō urupare?

×

āwhina Pūrongohia he Hapa He mea anō (kōrerohia mai he aha te horopaki)

Tuku