"Ko te tumanako te pūtake o ngā mamae katoa" - William Shakespeare
Kāore mātou i te tino mōhio mēnā i kīia ēnei kupu e te kaiwaiata tawhito kua pōuriuri (ahakoa e kīia ana e te ipurangi nāna!), engari kāore e taea te whakakorekore i te pono o roto. He tino whakararuraru ngā tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
Ae, e mōhio ana mātou ki ō whakaaro – he ngāwari ake te kōrero i te mahi i ēnei mea. Me pēhea e kore ai e tumanako ki tetahi mea i a koe e whakaipoipo ana i te aroha o tō ao? Me pēhea e ora ai koe me te kore tumanako? He aha te hē o te tumanako ka mahia e tō hoa ētahi mea māu? He tika tāu, e rongo ana mātou i a koe! Nā wai i kī he ngāwari noa iho?
Ahakoa he kuware te whakaaro ka taea e tātou katoa te noho hei hunga tapu, hei hunga nūn e mahi ana i ngā mea katoa me te kore e tumanako ki te whiwhi utu, ko tāu e taea ko te ako i te toi pai o te whakahaere i ō tumanakohanga. Kia mau ki a koe aua kare ā-roto hē, kore e taea te whakahaere, ka taea e koe te whakarite mēnā (kāore rawa) ka whara tō hoa aroha i a koe, ka iti ake te mamae! Waihoki, tera pea ka taea e koe te hoki kaha ake i mua.
He aha tātou ka tumanako ai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
He mea maori te whai tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Kaua e tukua tetahi kia kī atu i tētahi atu mea. Kāore koe e whakama, e ārai rānei i a koe mō ēnei mea. Kua whakatipuria katoatia tātou ki ētahi uara me ngā tirohanga. I a tātou e tipu ake ana, ka noho ēnei hei wāhanga nui o tō tātou āhua. He nui hoki o ēnei mea i ahu mai i te whakahāngaitanga.
Ahakoa pai, ahakoa kāore, he nui ake ā tātou tumanakohanga mai i te hoa rangatira i a tātou e tumanako ana ki tētahi hoa noho, ki tētahi teina, ki tētahi rangatira rānei. Tērā pea nā te mea kua whāngaihia tātou ki ngā ariā aroha mō te aroha, te marena, me te 'harikoa ake ake', ehara i te mea koinei te kaupapa o te ao. He tikanga rānei tēnā he koretake te whai tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?
Kāore rawa! Ina hoki, e ai ki ngā rangahau, mā te whai tumanakohanga pai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka pai ake te mahi tahi a te tangata. E ai ki tētahi ako i whakahaerehia i Te Whare Wānanga o Maryland, he pai ngā hihiri me ngā aromatawai o tētahi whanaungatanga i waenga i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine he nui ā rātou tumanakohanga, ā, he nui ake ā rātou whakaaturanga te faaoreraa hara ā, ka iti ake te whakahawea tetahi ki tetahi.
E pā ana te ariā ki ngā paerewa me ngā tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
Ina tumanako koe ki te pono, ki te pono, ki te whanaungatanga tata, ki te whakawhirinaki, me ētahi atu, ko te tikanga kei te whakatakoto koe i ngā paerewa teitei, ā, ka rapu kaha koe i aua paerewa. He nui ake te tūponotanga ka tutuki i a koe ēnei āhuatanga i te whakaiti i ō paerewa me ō tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. I tētahi atu taha, ki te kore koe e whiwhi i tāu e tumanako ana, he mea maori te pouri.
Engari, mā tēnei ka whakatakoto i te huarahi māu ki te tono, ki te whakamahi rānei i te āhuatanga hei whakatutuki māu mā te kōrero ki tō hoa rangatira, mā te mahi rānei i ngā mahi hei whakatutuki i ō whāinga. I roto i te poto, ka taea e koe te whakahaere i ō tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ina mōhio koe mēnā kei te tutuki, kāore rānei. Ahakoa pēhea, he pai ake te WHAKAARO i ngā tumanakohanga me te mahi i aua tumanakohanga i te KORE e tutuki, ā, ka noho i te oranga hoha.
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Me pēhea te whakahaere i ō tumanakohanga i roto i te whanaungatanga?
He mea hauora te whai i ngā tumanakohanga tūturu, ā-taiao hoki. Engari, kāore e taea te tumanako kia huri ētahi atu mōu, kia whanonga rānei rātou i te ara e hiahia ana koe. Ka puta te mamae o te ngākau ina kore e tutuki ō tumanakohanga, nā te mea kua whakaritea ō tātou roro kia hoatu he tikanga anō ki ngā mea katoa e tupu ana i tō tātou taha.
Ka whakaranua e koe ō wheako o mua ki te tangata, ka tāpirihia atu ētahi atu āhuatanga ki tētahi āhuatanga ngoikore kē, ā, ka mutu ka piki ake tō pouri. Hei tauira, ki te mea kei te tumanako koe kia haere tonu tō hoa ki ngā huihuinga me ngā pāti me koe, ā, kāore ia e mahi pērā, tera pea ka pōuri koe. Ki te tupu tonu tēnei, tera pea ka tohua e koe ō rātou ngoikoretanga ki tēnei āhua, ka whakanui ake i ō rātou āhuatanga kino. Ko te mutunga iho he aituā whanaungatanga.
Hei karo i ngā tumanakohanga kāore i tutuki kei waiho hei pūtake o tētahi whanaungatanga pōuri, anei te huarahi tika hei whakahaere i aua mea:
1. Kia mōhio ki ngā tumanakohanga kino
Hei karo i te mamae, he mea nui kia mōhio tuatahi ki ngā tumanakohanga kino mō te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa e mōhio ana, e kore rānei e mōhio ana, i te wā e whakatakoto ana i ngā tumanakohanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, i ētahi wā ka whakatakotoria e tātou te pae teitei rawa, ka taumaha rawa ki ō tātou hinengaro ahakoa kāore anō kia tīmata tika te whakaipoipo.
Ki te hiahia koe kia ātaahua ake tō hoa i a Zac Efron, he tangata whai rawa, ā, kia noho tahi me koe i ngā wā katoa o te ao, aroha mai, kei te whakarite koe i a koe anō mō te pouri. Kei te arotahi koe ki ngā tohu tika i runga i te rārangi arowhai, kaua ki ngā uara whānui. Me tumanako kia ātaahua te āhua o tō hoa, kia tautoko, kia atawhai hoki, kaua e tohu i tōna roa tika, i tōna moni putea rānei.
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2. Kia mōhio ki tāu e hiahia ana i te ao
Ture nama 1 mō te oranga aroha angitu: Kāore e taea e koe te whiwhi i ngā mea katoa i ngā wā katoa. Ara, me whai ngā tumanakohanga pono i roto i ngā whanaungatangaKo te tikanga o tēnā ko te mōhio ki tāu e hiahia ana mai i tētahi whanaungatanga pono. Kaua e wehi ki te whakamārama i ō tumanakohanga mai i tō hoa rangatira, i tō hoa aroha rānei o nāianei.
Ā, ki te pōhēhē koe, ngana ki te whakarārangi i ngā mea kāore rawa e hiahiatia ana e koe. I te nuinga o te wā, ina tūtaki koe, ka whakaipoipo hoki i te tini o ngā tāngata, ka mōhio koe ki ngā mea e tino hiahiatia ana e tō ngākau mai i tētahi whanaungatanga pono. He mea āwhina tēnei hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatutuki i ō whāinga, ā, ka taea hoki te whakarite kia kore koe e moe i te tangata hē e kore e tutuki i ō tumanakohanga.
3. Whakaaetia te pouri i ētahi wā
Me maumahara koe i ētahi wā, kāore pea e tutuki ngā tumanakohanga whaitake. Koinei te ao, ā, ka puta ēnei mea. Tērā pea ka wareware tō hoa tāne, tō hoa wahine rānei i tētahi huihuinga nui, tērā pea ka kōrero kino rātou i te wā e whawhai ana, ā, tērā pea ka ohorere ā rātou tauhohenga i ētahi wā.
Me pātai ki a koe anō, ki te aha te nui o tō hiahia ki te muru i ngā hara.
Ki te tino pakari ōu tumanakohanga, ka uaua ake te muru i ngā hapa iti o tō hoa. Engari, ki te taurite ōu tumanakohanga me te whakatutukitanga o aua tumanakohanga, ka pai ake tō whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto.
4. Ngā tumanakohanga me ngā hiahia me ngā wawata
He ariā whakamere tā Kim Eng, te kaikorero whakahihiri me te hoa o Ekhart Tolle, mō ngā tumanakohanga a te hoa.
"Kāore he he o te whai tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, engari kaua e tino whai tikanga ki aua tumanakohanga," tana kī. Ko te mea e hiahiatia ana ko te titiro ki roto, kia kite mēnā he pai ēnei, mēnā rānei e ahu mai ana i te wāhanga ngaro o te 'tinana-mamae'.
Hei tauira, me kī atu kāore kōrua ko tō hoa e whakaae ana ki te roanga o te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua. Tuatahi, tirohia te maha o ngā hāora e noho tahi ana kōrua. Ahakoa i roto i aua hāora, kei te makona koe, kei te whai hua rānei, kei te hiahia rānei koe? Mena ka noho tawhiti atu rāua i a koe i te mea e tika ana, ā, kei te noho tonu koe e piri ana ki a rātou, ko te tikanga, e wehi ana koe kei mokemoke koe, ā, kāore te whanaungatanga i te pai.
5. Kia whai whāinga, kia whai oranga anō hoki koe
Āhea rā ka pakaru ngā whanaungatanga i ngā tumanakohanga? Koinei te wā ka tukuna e koe te nuinga o ō hiahia me ō hiahia ki tō hoa. I roto i tēnei mahi, kāore i te mōhiotia ka whakatakotoria e koe he pae teitei rawa atu, he mea kāore pea i te pono, nā te mea kei te rapu koe i te whakatutukitanga o ō tumanakohanga mai i a koe anō mā roto i tō hoa.
He aha ētahi tāne tuku iho e rapu ai i ngā wāhine e tino pai ana hei kaimahi kāinga?
Nā te mea pea kāore i te pai ki a rātou te whakahaere i ngā mahi o te whare. Rapua ngā whanaungatanga hei tautoko i a koe, kaua hei whakaoti i a koe. Ki te mea he whāinga tōu mō te ao, he mahi angitu, ā, e aroha ana koe ki a koe anō, ka rapu koe i tētahi tāne, i tētahi wahine rānei hei whakarei ake i aua āhuatanga, kaua e whakatutuki i aua āhuatanga.
6. Kia pono, kia pai ake te kōrero
Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, pono hoki te kī ki ngā whanaungatanga hauora. Kāore e hiahiatia he tangata mohio hei mārama ki tēnā. Engari i roto i te ao o te whakatakoto tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ka nui haere te hiranga o te kōrero pono. Kaua e tumanako ka mōhio tō hoa ki tāu e hiahia ana.
Ahakoa kei te whakaipoipo koe, kei te te whakamahere i te marena, he pai ake te whakamārama nui i ngā mea e tumanakohia ana e koe. Mai i ngā mea māmā ki te horoi rihi me te mātakitaki pouaka whakaata ki ngā whakataunga e pā ana ki ngā tamariki, te pūtea me ētahi atu mea, kia mārama tō tirohanga.
Ka puta ngā taupatupatu ina kore e taea e kōrua ko tō hoa te tae ki tētahi huarahi waenga mō ngā take kāore kōrua e whakaae tahi ana.
7. Akohia te maioha, kaua e whakahe
Ki te aro nui rawa koe ki ō tumanakohanga, ka tangohia te harikoa ka taea e koe te whiwhi mai i ngā harikoa noa o te ao. Nō reira, ehara i te mea ka pakaru ngā whanaungatanga i ngā tumanakohanga. Mā te whakatakoto i aua tumanakohanga ka pakaru. Ki te tino aroha koe ki tō hoa, kaua e whakahe i a rātou i runga i tā rātou mahi i ngā mea māu i te ara i hiahia ai koe, kāore rānei.
Engari, arotahi ki ngā āhuatanga pai o tō whanaungatanga. Me kī, he nui rawa te wā e pau ana i tō hoa rangatira ki tana papatohu petipeti, ā, he iti ake te wā e pau ana ki ngā tamariki. Ā, ka whakapataritari tēnā i a koe. Kaua e waiho hei raruraru, engari me aro ki tōna āhua ina noho tahi rāua.
I roto pea i ngā haora torutoru e noho tahi ana ia me rātou, ka whai hua ia meneti. Rapua ngā mea hei maioha, kaua e whakahe. Ehara i te mea ka warewarehia e koe ngā hapa. Engari me whakataurite e koe te taumaha o te pai me te kino.
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8. Kaua e whakarite i tō whanaungatanga ki ētahi atu
Ka haere tahi ngā whakatairite me ngā tumanakohanga whanaungatanga koretake. Ina kite koe i ngā āhuatanga, i ngā pūkenga rānei i hiahiatia e koe i roto i tētahi atu tangata, ka nui ake te mamae o te ngākau. Ka puta tēnei nā te mea e tumanako ana koe kia whakakīia e tō hoa ngā āputa katoa, ngā matea katoa, ngā hiahia katoa, me ngā koretake katoa.
He tino pai te āhua o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e piri tahi ana i roto i ngā kiriata me ngā pukapuka. Inaa, ahakoa ko te hunga e piri tahi ana te whanaungatanga, me whakarite i ētahi whakaaetanga. Ko te huarahi ki te wikitoria i tēnei ko te whakaae me te mōhio ki ō tumanakohanga. He mea nui ake, kia mahara ehara ēnei i te ture e tika ana kia whaihia e tō hoa. Me pātai atu hoki ki a koe anō - kei te tutuki koe i ā rātou tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?
He pono, kāore he tika, he hē rānei o ngā tumanakohanga, mena he pono koe ki aua tumanakohanga, ā, e mōhio ana koe ki te whakahaere i aua tumanakohanga. Engari anō, he whakaaro takitahi anō hoki te kupu 'pono'. Ko te mea he pono, he whaitake hoki ki tētahi, kāore pea i te pera ki tētahi atu.
Hei whakamutunga, ko te mea e whai hua ana ko tō kōrua hononga me te whanaungatanga. Ki te kaha te turanga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga, kāore he rerekētanga o te whānuitanga o ō tumanakohanga.
FAQs
Heoi anō, he pai, he hauora hoki ngā tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga nā te mea ka hoatu he paerewa hei pupuri māu. Ina he tumanakohanga āu, ka ngana koe ki te whakatutuki i aua tumanakohanga, mā te whakatakoto i ngā whāinga whanaungatanga. Mā ngā tumanakohanga hauora, tūturu hoki ka tāpiri uara ki ngā whanaungatanga.
Kāore ngā tumanakohanga e whakangaro i ngā whanaungatanga, ko tō whakahaere ngoikore i ngā kare ā-roto me ngā hua o te korenga o aua kare ā-roto te mea e whakangaro ana i ngā kare ā-roto. Waihoki, ina tino rerekē ngā tumanakohanga a ngā hoa e rua, e puta mai ana i ngā tirohanga rerekē mō ngā take kotahi, ka arahi ki ngā pakanga me ngā taupatupatu. Waihoki, ko te korenga o ngā tumanakohanga e tutuki tonu ana ka arahi ki te pouri, ā, ina nui haere ngā pouri, ka arahi ki ngā whanaungatanga e pakaru ana.
Kaua e noho he whanaungatanga kāore he tumanako. Ko tōna tikanga, kāore ō kare ā-roto ki tō hoa, kāore rānei koe i te mōhio ki tāu e hiahia ana mai i tō ao me tō whanaungatanga. Ki te mōhio koe ki ō hiahia, ki ō wawata me ō whāinga, ka whatuhia ngā tumanakohanga ki roto i aua whanaungatanga.
Whakaarohia te pūtake o ō tumanakohanga. He hauora, he takenga mai rānei i te wāhanga ngaro o te 'tinana-mamae'? Hei whakatau i ngā tumanakohanga kāore anō kia tutuki, me titiro koe ki roto, kia kite ai ko ēhea ngā wāhanga he whaitake, ko ēhea hoki kāore. He aha te pānga ki a koe, ki tō tirohanga rānei ki a koe anō?
Kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakakore i ngā tumanakohanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Me whakahaere pai noa iho e koe. Ko te tikanga o tēnei ko te whai pūkenga ki te titiro ki ngā mea e tika ana me ngā mea kāore e tika ana, te ako ki te maioha ki tō hoa rangatira me te whakatau i te taurite i waenga i ngā āhuatanga pai me ngā āhuatanga kino, me te mōhio ki tāu e hiahia ana mai i tētahi whanaungatanga.
Ngā Tohutohu Matua e 9 hei Hanga Whakawhirinaki i roto i ngā Hononga
Me pēhea te whakatakoto i ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
