Mā te whakapae mō te tinihanga i a koe e harakore ana ka pā mai he mamae nui ki te ngākau, ka memeha hoki te whakawhirinaki. He maha ngā wā ka puta mai ngā whakapae teka i te koretake o te noho, te whakaatu i te āhua, te tinihanga rānei o mua, ā, ko te huarahi hauora ki te whakautu ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mārie, te whakatakoto rohe, te tuku māramatanga, me te rapu āwhina ngaio mēnā ka mau tonu te tauira.
He wheako whakamataku, he wheako pōhēhē hoki te whakapae mō te tinihanga i te wā e harakore ana. Whakaarohia te kōrero a Jake rāua ko Emily. E toru tau rāua e noho tahi ana, ā, he maha ngā wā harikoa, kata, me te aroha kua tohaina e rāua. I tētahi ahiahi, ka kite a Jake i a Emily e riri ana. Kua tino whakapono ia kua tinihanga ia i muri i tana kitenga i tētahi pou pāpāho pāpori koretake mai i tētahi hoa. Ahakoa āna whakahē harakore, ka kaha haere ngā whakapae a Emily, ka tino kaha haere, ka tino pā kino ki a Jake.
Ko te tauhohenga noa ina whakapaehia he hē he ranunga o te ohorere, te riri, me te pōhēhē. Me pēhea te pakaru tere o tētahi whanaungatanga whakawhirinaki i runga i tētahi māramatanga kore? Me pēhea te whakaaro o tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, e whakawhirinakihia ana e koe ka tinihangatia rātou e koe? Ka taea e ngā whakapae teka te kino rawa atu ki tō whanaungatanga, ka puta ai te kore whakawhirinaki me te kore haumaru.
I kōrero mātou ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro Dhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Hinengaro Hauora), he tohunga ki te whanaungatanga, te wehenga, me te kaiārahi LGBTQ, mō te tikanga o ngā whakapae teka, ngā take me ngā tohu o te whakapae teka, me pēhea te whakangaro i ngā whanaungatanga e ngā whakapae teka, me pēhea te whakautu ina whakapae tetahi i a koe mō tētahi mea kāore i mahia e koe.
He aha tō hoa e whakapae teka ana – Ngā Take Noa
Ripanga o Ihirangi
I mua i te taenga atu ki te take, me mārama tātou ki te tikanga o ngā whakapae teka. Ko tōna tikanga he whakapae i tētahi mō tētahi mea kāore i mahia e rātou. He maha ngā wā ka puta mai i ngā māramatanga kore, i ngā āwangawanga, i ngā whakaaro kore rānei. hononga o muaKa taea e ēnei kereme koretake, koretake te whara i ngā kare ā-roto, te whakakino i te whakawhirinaki, me te waihanga i te taupatupatu, nō reira he mea nui kia aro atu ki ēnei kereme me te marino me te tika.
Mā ngā whakapae tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga ka pā he kino tuturu mēnā ka hē te whakahaere, koia te take ko te mārama ki te take e whakapae teka ana tō hoa te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakatika i te take. Ina mārama koe ki te take o aua whanonga, ka taea e koe te mārama ki te āhuatanga me te rapu i te mea me mahi hei karo i aua kare ā-roto. Pānuihia kia mōhio ai koe ki ētahi take noa mō aua whakapae.
Ngā mea e tino pāngia ai ngā whakapae teka:
- Te matapae i ō rātou āwangawanga
- Nga take whakawhirinaki
- Kāore i te ōrite ngā momo āpitihanga
- Te awe o ētahi atu
- gaslighting
- Te hē o te hinengaro o te hunga kōrero kino
1. Kei te whakaatu rātou i ō rātou āwangawanga ki a koe
Ko te whakapae teka i tētahi mō te tinihanga he nui ake te kōrero mō te kaiwhakapae, kaua mō te tangata e whakapaehia ana e rātou. Mena kei te taha koe e pāngia ana e ēnei whakapae, he mea nui kia mārama koe ehara tēnei i te mea mōu, engari mō tō hoa e ngana ana ki te huna i ōna āwangawanga.
Ko te whakaaturanga he tikanga tiaki e whakapae ai te tangata e pāngia ana e te kare ā-roto kino i roto i a ia anō mō te pupuri i tētahi kare ā-roto ōrite nā te mea he mamae ki a ia te whakaae ki taua kare ā-roto anō i roto i a ia anō. Hei tauira, he hoa hae e whakapae ana i tā rātou hoa rangatira mō te mea hae.
Dhriti Bhavsar, kaimätai hinengaro tohutohu
Ina pakaru te whanaungatanga o te tangata ki a ia anō, ka pāngia anō hoki tōna whanaungatanga ki te katoa. Nō reira, ina tīmata tō hoa ki te whakapae teka, ko te tikanga nā te mea:
- Kāore rātou e whakapono he tika rātou mō te aroha
- E whakaaro ana rātou kāore rātou i te pai rawa, koia te take ka tukuna pea e rātou ēnei kare ā-roto ki roto i te whanaungatanga.
- E whakapono ana rātou ka kitea ngāwaritia e koe tētahi atu tangata pai atu i a rātou
- Kua uru atu rātou ki te puremu, ā, ko te whakapae i a koe te huarahi hei whakamama i tō rātou ake hara, i tō rātou wehi rānei kei kitea rātou.
Te pānui e pā ana: Mā te hae tātou e tangata ai – He pai te hae i roto i te whanaungatanga?
2. Ngā take whakawhirinaki
Mena kua pakaru te whakawhirinakitanga i roto i tō hoa, ahakoa he iti noa iho, tera pea ka uaua ki a koe te whakapono. Ka puta pea tēnei kore whakawhirinaki hei whakapae tinihanga koretake, nā te mea ka tere pea rātou ki te whakaaro i te mea kino rawa atu me te kore he taunakitanga pakari. E kī ana a Dhriti,
"Tērā pea kei te raru tō hoa rangatira i te take whakawhirinaki"Nō reira, kei te uaua ki a rātou te whakapono ki a koe, te kore rānei e whakaae ki te kore e whakapono ki a koe."
Dhriti Bhavsar, kaimätai hinengaro tohutohu
Ko tētahi atu take pea ko ngā whanaungatanga o mua i rahua. Ko ngā wheako o mua, inā koa ko ngā mea e pā ana ki te tinihanga, te whanoke rānei, ka waiho pea he tohu pumau. Mena kua tinihangatia tō hoa i mua, tera pea ka mau tonu aua wehi ki roto i tō whanaungatanga o nāianei. Ka taea e tēnei te arahi ki te pikinga ake o te whakapae me te āhua ki te whakapae teka i a koe mō te tinihanga hei huarahi tiaki i a koe kia kore ai e whara anō.
3. He rerekētanga o ngā momo āpitihanga
He nui ngā kōrero a te momo piripono o te tangata mō te āhua o tā rātou whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te wheako i te aroha. Kāhua whakaurunga, i whakawhanakehia i te tīmatanga o te ao i runga i ngā taunekeneke me ngā kaitiaki, ā, ka awe i te tirohanga me te whanonga o te tangata i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. E whakamārama ana a Dhriti,
"Ko te momo herenga koretake nā te mamae o mua mai i te tamarikitanga, i ngā whanaungatanga o mua rānei, ka nui ake te pānga ki ngā māramatanga kore me ngā whakapae tinihanga teka."
Dhriti Bhavsar, kaimätai hinengaro tohutohu
Mena he momo piri āwangawanga tō hoa, tera pea ka kitea e rātou ngā tohu o te kore pono i roto i:
- Ngā mahi motuhake
- Me hiahia rānei ki te wāhi whaiaro
I tētahi atu taha, ko ngā tāngata whai momo piripono karo:
- Whakanuia tō rātou mana motuhake
- Ā, tērā pea ka kore e tino pai ki te roa rawa o te noho tahi.
Mena he momo piripono karo tāu, ā, kāore tō hoa e mārama ki tō hiahia mō te wāhi, ka hē pea te whakaaro o rātou he tohu huna, he tinihanga rānei ō whanonga.
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4. Te awe o ētahi atu
Ki te pātai koe ki a koe anō, "He aha taku hoa wahine e whakapae tonu ai i ahau mō te tinihanga?" "He aha taku hoa e whakapae tonu ai i ahau mō te kore whakapono?", kia mōhio koe i ētahi wā, ko ngā awe o waho pēnei i:
- Hoa
- Family
- pāpāho pāpori
…ka taea te rui i ngā purapura o te ruarua. Ki te kī mai tētahi e tata ana ki tō hoa he te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka taea e ia te whakaoho i ngā whakapae koretake. Ka taea e ngā whakaaro me ngā wheako o ētahi atu te whai pānga nui ki te tirohanga a tō hoa ki ō mahi me ō whāinga.
5. Ētahi atu āhuatanga ā-tūranga me te hinengaro
Anei ētahi atu take pea, ahakoa kāore i te tino kitea, mō te whakapae i tō hoa mō te tinihanga me te kore he taunakitanga:
Te whakahaere me te whakakā hau
He maha ngā whakapae teka mō te tinihanga e taupatupatu ana ki te gaslighting i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, he rautaki tinihanga hinengaro tēnei e whakakahoretia ai, e whakapohehetia ai rānei e tētahi hoa ngā meka kia pātaihia ai tōna pono e tētahi atu. Hei tauira, ka mea pea te kaiwhakapae, "He mea huna tonu tāu," ahakoa he teka, hei whakamārama i tā rāua whakapae roa. I roto i te wā, ka tīmata te hoa whakapae:
- Te ruarua i ō rātou ake mahara, reo, mahi rānei
- Te pōhēhētanga o te mahi
- Te whakama mō tetahi mea kāore i mahia e rātou
Ngā hapa hinengaro i roto i te kaiwhakapae
He maha ngā whakapae teka e whakakahangia ana e ngā whakapōrearea hinengaro, e ngā tātari hinengaro rānei e whakapohehe ana i te tirohanga. Ko ētahi o ngā whakapae noa ko:
- Te whakaaro pango-mā: "Ki te kore koe e wātea tonu ana, tera pea kei te huna koe i tetahi mea"
- Whakamatea: "I menemene koe ki tētahi, nō reira kei te tinihanga koe"
- Te pānui hinengaro: "E mōhio ana ahau kei te teka koe ahakoa kei te kī koe ehara"
Ka puta mai ēnei hapa i te kore haumaru, i te whara e kore e whakatauhia, i te manukanuka rānei, ā, ka tata kore e taea te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whaitake kia whakatikahia rā anō mā te rongoā hinengaro.
"Ko ētahi āhuatanga hinengaro, pērā i te paranoia me ngā mea e pā ana ki" take hauora hinengaro "tērā pea ka puta ngā whakapae teka. Ka taea e ēnei āhuatanga te whakapohehe i te tirohanga a tō hoa ki te ao tūturu, ka ārahi i a rātou ki te whakapono ki te kore pono, ahakoa he taunakitanga tūturu."
Dhriti Bhavsar, kaimätai hinengaro tohutohu
Te Pānga Hinengaro o te Whakapae Hē mō te Tinihanga
I mua i tā tātou kōrero mō te whakakore i tō ingoa i ngā whakapae teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha, me aro tātou ki tētahi atu pātai nui: he mahi tukino te whakapae tonu i tētahi mō te tinihanga? Ae, he mahi tukino. Ko te whakapae tonu i tētahi mō tētahi mea kāore i mahia e rātou he mahi tukino, ā, ko te nga paanga hinengaro o nga whakapae teka i roto i te whanaungatanga ka pā kino ki te hauora hinengaro me te oranga o te tangata e whiwhi ana i aua whakapae.
Ka taea e ngā whakapae teka mō te tinihanga te whakararu i te whanaungatanga aroha, ā, ka arahi pea ki tōna hinganga. Ina whakapaetia he tetahi mō te kore whakapono, ka pakaru ngā turanga o te whakawhirinaki me te whakaute, ka puta he kino roa. E ai ki a Dhriti, kei raro nei ngā huarahi e pā ai te mamae o te whakapae teka mō te tinihanga ki te hauora hinengaro o te patunga, ā, ka whakangaro i ngā whanaungatanga:
Te pānga hinengaro o te whakapae teka mō te tinihanga:
- Te ngoikore o te whakawhirinaki
- Te mauruuru
- Te mamae o te ngakau
- Te whakaiti i a koe ano
- Te pouri me te pouri
1. Ka ngoikore te whakawhirinaki me te whakapono
Ko te whakawhirinaki te tūāpapa o tētahi whanaungatanga whakawhirinaki. Mā ngā whakapae tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ka ngoikore te whakawhirinaki, ka uaua ai mā ngā hoa te whakapono tetahi ki tetahi.
- Ka ngoikore te hononga me te whakapono e pupuri ana i te whanaungatanga nā te memeha o te whakawhirinaki.
- Tērā pea ka uaua ki te hoa kua whakapaea te whakawhirinaki ka whai whakapono tōna hoa ki a ia e anga whakamua ana
- Tērā pea ka mau tonu ngā feaa o te kaiwhakapae
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2. Ka whakatupu i te mauahara me te riri
He aha te āhua o te whakapae tonu i tētahi mō te tinihanga, e pātai pea koe? E kī ana a Dhriti, "Ko ngā whakapae teka ka arahi ki te mauahara me te riri mō te kore e whakaponohia, e māramahia, e whakautehia. Ka ara ake hoki ngā māramatanga kore, ā, ki te kore e whakatauhia, ka ngoikore ake te whanaungatanga."
E whakaaro ana te hoa kua whakapaetia kāore ia i te mārama, kāore hoki i te whakautehia, ka puta ake ngā kare ā-roto kaha pērā i te riri me te pōuri. Ko te kore whakapono me te mārama o te hoa ka whakatupu i te ngākau hōhonu. te mauahara i roto i te whanaungatanga, he uaua pea ki te wikitoria. Ka taea e tēnei mauahara te horapa ki ngā āhuatanga katoa o te whanaungatanga, ā, ka uaua ai te houhanga rongo.
3. Ka puta te mamae o te ngākau me te pōrearea
Ko te tiaki tonu i a koe anō i aua whakapae teka ka arahi ki te mamae nui o te ngākau me te pōrearea. Ka pāngia te hoa whakapae e te awhiowhio o ngā kare ā-roto kaha, tae atu ki:
- hōhā
- Te riri
- Te mauruuru
- moemoe
Ko te mau tonu o te whakaaro kua whakakahoretia te aroha, me te kore e whakaponohia, ka arahi pea ki te mamae nui o te kare ā-roto, ka whakararuraru i te rangimarie o te whanaungatanga.
i roto i te ako mō ngā whakapae teka mō te tukino, i kitea e ngā kairangahau ko ngā hua i puta i waenga i ngā whakapae ko ngā tohu pouri (48%), te whakarerekētanga o ngā whanaungatanga whānau (92%), te ngaronga o te hononga ki ngā tamariki/whānau (98%), me te ngoikore o te arotahi ki te mahi (44%)
4. Ka whakararu i te whakaaro nui ki a ia anō me te whakapono ki a ia anō
Ka taea e ngā whakapae teka te noho hei tūmomo mōrearea nui ki te whakaaro nui ki a ia anō me te whakapono ki a ia anō. Mēnā ka piki ake ēnei whakapae ki te wāhi e kiia ana he hau, ka tīmata pea te tangata i pāngia ki te pātai i a ia anō, me te whakaaro mēnā he tika kia pērā te āhua o te manaakitanga ki a ia. Ko tēnei mahi tinihanga kare ā-roto:
- Ā, ka whakararu i tō rātou whakapono ki ō rātou tirohanga me ā rātou mahi.
- Ka taea te whakaiti i tō rātou whakaaro nui ki a rātou anō
- Me meinga rātou kia whakama
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5. Ka arahi ki te manukanuka me te pouri
Ko tētahi atu whakautu nui ki te pātai, arā, ko te whakapae tonu i tētahi mō te tinihanga, ko te tūkino ka arahi pea ki ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro nui. Tērā pea ka pāngia te hoa kua whakapaetia e:
- Te pouri
- Te mauruuru
- Te Awhina
Ka huri pea tēnei hei manukanuka, hei pouri rānei. Ka pāngia te oranga hinengaro e te ahotea me te pōrearea tonu, ā, ka uaua ki te pupuri i te tirohanga pai ki te ao me te whanaungatanga.
Me pēhea te whakautu ina whakapaehia koe mō te tinihanga?
Nā te mea kua kōrerohia e tātou ngā take me ngā pānga o te whakapae teka i tētahi mō te kore whakapono, me kōrero tātou me pēhea te whakakore i tō ingoa i ngā whakapae teka. Ko te riri ki tētahi whakapae koretake pea te whakautu matua mō te nuinga o te tangata. Heoi, me mōhio koe kāore e āwhina i tō keehi. I tētahi atu taha, ki te kore koe e aro nui, e inu ana i tō kawhe i a koe e kōrero ana i roto i te reo whenua, he reo kino, ka rite koe ki te tangata wairangi. Nō reira, me aha koe? Anei ētahi mahi nui hei mahi māu hei whakatere i te āhuatanga.
Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te tūpato ki ngā tohu kino o te whanaungatanga - e kī ana te tohunga ki a koe
1. Kia marie
Ko te tauhohenga noa ina whakapaetia koe he teka ko te riri. Heoi, ko te mea pai rawa atu ka taea e koe te mahi mēnā kei te whakapaetia koe mō te tinihanga engari he harakore, ko te whakahaere i to riri. Mā te tino riri ki te whakapae ka puta:
- Kei te puta atu tētahi o koutou
- Kāore te kōrero i tae ki tētahi mutunga
- Kia āhua hara koe
Koinei pea te mea tino uaua rawa atu māu, engari ki te taea e koe te noho marino, he nui te tūponotanga ka puta he kōrero whai tikanga, ā, ka tae ki tētahi mutunga.
rangahau i whakaatu he maha ngā wā ka whakamāramahia e ngā rōpū tuatoru te riri o te tangata whakapae hei tohu mō te hara ahakoa ehara te riri i te tohu tika mō te hara.
2. Kaua e tahuri ke atu ki a rātou
"Aue, Ko ahau te tangata e tinihanga ana? Ā, ina…" Kāore, kaua e tahuri ke atu ki tō hoa, ka uru atu ki roto te huri-whakapaeI roto i ō hiahia pukuriri, ka kōrero pea koe mō tō hoa rangatira hei whakapataritari i a koe, ā, ka mutu pea ka nui ake te kino o te whanaungatanga i te pai. Ki te nui rawa tō ārai i a koe, ā, ka huri i te kaupapa o te tautohetohe, ka nui ake tō whakapae.
Ka arahi ngā whakapae teka ki te mauahara me te riri, ka ngoikore haere te whanaungatanga.
Dhriti Bhavsar, kaimätai hinengaro tohutohu
Ki te whakapaehia koe mō te tinihanga i a koe e harakore ana, he mea nui kia noho marino, kia ngana hoki ki te whakamama i te raruraru i te tuatahi. Tērā pea ka tatari koe mō ngā raruraru nā te mea kāore tō hoa i te hauora hinengaro i tēnei wā.
3. Kia mārama ki ō rātou take me ō rātou tirohanga
Ko ngā whakapae teka e ahu mai ana i:
- Ngā wheako kino o mua
- Haumarutanga
- Te whakaiti i a koe ano
- Nga take whakahaere
Mā te mārama ki ō rātou tirohanga ka āwhina i a koe ki te aro atu ki te pūtake o ō rātou whakapae. E whakamārama ana a Dhriti, "Kia mahara ko tēnei take he mea nui ake mō tō hoa, ehara i a koe. Pātai atu kia mārama. Pātai atu ki tō hoa nō hea te whakaaro kei te tinihanga koe i a rātou. Whakarongo ki ō rātou tirohanga, ā, me tuku he whakamana me te whakamana." Ina ngana koe ki te whakatau i ngā whakapae teka i roto i te whanaungatanga, ko te mea pai rawa atu ka taea e koe ko te mau i tō pōtae kaitirotiro, kaua e whakarite ki te whawhai. Ngāna kia mārama:
- He aha te take e pēnei ai ngā whakaaro o tō hoa?
- Kua tinihangatia rātou i roto i ngā whanaungatanga o mua?
- He āwangawanga kei roto i a rātou e ārahi ana i ēnei whakapae?
Pātai atu mō ngā tauira, ngā wā rānei i whakaaro ai rātou kua mahi koe i tētahi huarahi motuhake.
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4. Āta karohia te tiaki
He maha ngā whakapae teka ka puta ake he maha ngā māramatanga kore. Tērā pea ka hē te whakaaro o te kaiwhakapae ki ngā mahi harakore hei whakapae, engari ka noho pea te kaiwhakapae hei ārai. Ka ngoikore ake te whanaungatanga, ka puta he huringa ruarua me te pakanga i waenganui i te tokorua. Nō reira, ahakoa kua kitea e koe ngā tohu o te whakapae teka, kia tino mohio koe:
- Whakaaetia ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa, kaua e whakakorekoretia
- Whakamanahia o raatau kare-a-roto
- Whakamanahia rātou mō āu te whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga
- Āwhina i tō hoa rangatira ki te whakatau i ō rātou āwangawanga
Ka meinga tō hoa kia mōhio he mea nui ki a koe ōna kare ā-roto me ōna āwangawanga. Ka āwhina anō hoki i a kōrua ki te mahi tahi ki te hanga hononga whakawhirinaki.
5. Kia tupato koe
Tērā pea ka raru tō hauora hinengaro mēnā ka haere tonu ngā whakapae. He mea nui kia tiakina koe, kia whakatairanga hoki i tō oranga whānui. E taunaki ana a Dhriti:
- Te kōrero ki ngā hoa me te whānau
- Kei te whakawhirinaki ki to punaha tautoko
- Kia tino mohio kei wareware koe ki ōu ake hiahia i a koe e ngana ana ki te whakatau i te take
- Te whakauru te tiaki-whaiaro mahi
- Te pupuri i te oranga oranga
Mā te tiaki i a koe anō koe e āwhina ki te ora me te neke whakamua.
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6. Rapua he awhina ngaio
"Ki te mau tonu ngā whakapae, whakaarohia te whakaora i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine", te tūtohu a Dhriti. Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te:
- Āwhina ki te whakatau i te kōrero
- Whakaratohia ngā rautaki hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinakitanga
- Whakaratohia he wāhi haumaru, he wāhi taurite hoki mō kōrua ko tō hoa ki te arotake i ngā take matua
- Āwhina whakapai ake i te āputa whakawhitiwhiti kōrero raruraru rānei
He uaua te whakatau i ngā whakapae teka, ā, mā te ārahi ngaio ka nui ake te painga.
7. Whakaarohia te whanaungatanga
E ai ki a Dhriti, me "hoki whakamuri te hoa i te taha e pāngia ana e ngā whakapae, ka tirotiro i ngā āhuatanga o te whanaungatanga" i arahi ai ki tētahi āhuatanga pēnei i mua i te whakatau. E taunaki ana ia kia tūpato ki tētahi tauira o te tukino - tirohia mēnā:
- He tauira tāruarua tēnei
- He rerekē ngā tauhohenga kare ā-roto o tō hoa
- Kei te ngana rātou ki te mea kia whakama koe
- Koinei tā rātou huarahi ki te whakahaere me te whakama i a koe
E whakaae ana mātou. Me hoki whakamuri koe, ka whakaaroaro ki te whanaungatanga me te māhunga marino. He mea kotahi noa iho ēnei whakapae, he tauira kore whakawhirinaki rānei? Te mārama ki tō hononga hihiri ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau me pēhea te haere tonu.
8. Tautuhia nga rohe
He tino hoha, he kino hoki te whakapae tonu mō te tinihanga, koia te take i tūtohu ai a Dhriti kia "whakatūria he rohe hauora" hei tiaki i tō oranga ngākau. Kōrero ki tō hoa mō:
- Tūmataitinga
- Pūataata
- Wāhi whaiaro
- Communication
Whakamāramahia māramatia ngā mea e whakaaetia ana, me ngā mea kāore e whakaaetia. Kōrerotia atu ki a rātou he pānga kino mēnā ka takahia ēnei rohe. Me whakamōhio atu ki tō hoa ahakoa kei te hiahia koe ki te kōrero mō ō rātou āwangawanga, kāore e whakaaetia ngā whakapae koretake tonu.
9. Kia mau tonu te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera
Ki te whakapaehia koe mō te tinihanga i a koe e harakore ana, whakapuakina ō kare ā-roto, me te whakamārama i tō tūnga. Whakamāramahia marie kāore koe i tinihanga. Te tuwhera whakawhiti korero he mea nui ki te whakatau i ngā māramatanga kore i roto i te whanaungatanga. I roto i te tukanga katoa, kia whai:
- Kia tuwhera tonu ngā ara whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki tō hoa
- Whakamahia te whakawhitiwhiti whakaaro
- Whakamanahia rātou i ngā wā katoa
- Whakatenatenahia rātou kia rapu āwhina ngaio, mēnā e tika ana
E mea ana a Dhriti, "Whakatenatenahia tō hoa rangatira ki te whakamahi i ngā kupu 'Ahau'—"I pērā ahau ... i tō mahi ...", kaua ko "I pērā koe ... ki ahau". Ka nekehia te arotahi ki te kare ā-roto, kaua ki te whakapae. Ka whakatenatena i te patunga kia arotahi ki ō rātou kare ā-roto, kia whakapuaki hoki i ō rātou kare ā-roto, kaua ki te whai wāhi ki te kēmu whakapae me tō rātou hoa rangatira."
Heoi, e whakatūpato ana ia, "Ehara i te mea ko koe anake te kawenga ki te whakatika i ngā māramatanga katoa; he mahi tahi tēnei. Kia mōhio ki te rerekētanga i waenga i te whakamanawa me te whakamāori. Ki te kore koe i mahi i tetahi mea hē, āraia te hiahia ki te whakamāori rawa i ō mahi."
10. Ki te mea kua pōuri koe, haere atu
Ka taea e te whakapae teka mō te tinihanga i ia rā, i ia rā, te whakamomori, me te whakamomori. Ki te tīmata tō hoa ki te tirotiro i a koe me te mea he tamaiti nohinohi koe –
- Ngā waeatanga tonu
- Te pātai atu ki a koe mō tō wāhi noho me te tangata e tūtaki ana koe
- Te tirotiro i tō waea me ngā īmēra
- Te whaiwhai i ō pāpāho pāpori
…kātahi ka hiahia pea koe ki te whakaaro anō ki tō whanaungatanga. Ki te haere tonu te whakapae teka a tō hoa ki a koe ahakoa ō mahi tino pai, kua tae pea te wā ki te wehe atu. Ko te whakapae tonu i tētahi mō te tinihanga he momo o te tukino aronganui.
Ko ngā pānga hinengaro o ngā whakapae teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko ngā take whakawhirinaki nui e uaua ana ki te whakaora. Ko te tikanga o tētahi whanaungatanga he āwhina i a koe kia noho hei putanga pai rawa atu o koe, kia harikoa ai koe. Ki te mea kei te mea koe kia teka mō te tangata e noho tahi ana koe, he whanaungatanga hauora, he whanaungatanga kino rānei. Me noho tuatahi tō oranga tinana.
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11. Homai he taunakitanga, ā, horoia tō ingoa
He mea nui te whakarato taunakitanga hei tautoko i tō harakore hei whakakore i tō ingoa i ngā whakapae teka. Mena he taunakitanga kei te teka te whakapae, whakaaturia ki tō hoa. Ka āwhina tēnei ki te whakakore i ō rātou feaa, i ō rātou āwangawanga rānei, ā, ka whakapakari i tō keehi. Kei roto pea i tēnei:
- Te tohatoha i tō wāhi noho
- E whakaatu ana i ngā karere
- Whakauruhia ngā hoa, ngā mema whānau rānei e taea ai te tautoko i a koe
Ahakoa te āhua whakararuraru, i ētahi wā me whai taunakitanga pakari hei whakakore i tō ingoa i ngā whakapae teka. Kaua tō ingoa rongonui e whakapokea noatia. "Puritia tō pono, kia whakapono ki a koe anō. Whakamanahia koe me ō wheako," te kī a Dhriti.
Me pēhea te whakapakari i te whakawhirinaki me te ārai i ngā whakapae teka
Mā te whakapae teka kotahi ka taea te whakakorikori i tō whakapono ki a koe anō, engari ki te puta tonu mai, he tohu tēnei mō tētahi raruraru hohonu ake: te kore o te haumaru aronganui me te whakawhirinaki. Ko te rongo pai, ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te hanga anō i tēnei haumaru mā roto i ngā mahi mārama, auau hoki.
Ngā mea e hanga ana i te whakawhirinaki:
- Whakawhitiwhiti marama
- He marama nga tumanakohanga
- Te ōrite
- Te whakahekenga
- Te arahi ngaio
- Taki-uru auau
1. Whakamahia te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mārama
Mā te tuwhera ka puta te haumaru. Kaua e whakamārama rawa i ia nekehanga, engari me whakaae ki te āhua o te māramatanga mō kōrua tokorua.
Tērā pea ko te tikanga tēnei:
- Tirohia kotahi i te rā mēnā kei te wehe koe
- Te pono ki ngā mahere me te kore e wehi kei uiuitia
- Te pupuri i ngā kupuhipa kia tūmataiti engari te whanonga kia tuwhera
Ehara te māramatanga i te mea mō te mana whakahaere; engari mō te tango i te wāhi e puta ai ngā whakapae.
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2. Whakatakotoria ngā tumanakohanga me ngā rohe mārama
He maha ngā wā ka puta ngā whakapae ina koretake ngā rohe. Noho tahi, kōrerohia te tikanga o te pono, te tūmataitinga, me te whakaute ki a kōrua katoa.
Hei tauira:
- He pai ki te tina tahi me tētahi hoa mahi o mua?
- Kia pēhea te auau o tō takiuru i a koe e haere ana ki te mahi?
- He aha ngā momo taunekeneke ipurangi e kore e whakautehia ana?
Ahakoa te āhua whakamā o ēnei kōrerorero, ka ārai i ngā māramatanga ā muri ake nei. Ina whakaaetia ngātahitia ngā rohe, ka rite rātou ki tētahi mapi e tohaina ana, ehara i te whare herehere.
3. Hangaia te whakawhirinaki mā te pumau
Kāore te whakawhirinaki e hangaia i roto i ētahi wā noa iho tohu whaiāipo; he mea hanga ki roto i ngā tauira. Puritia ngā kupu whakaari, tae atu i te wā tika, ā, me kī tonu i tāu e kōrero nei. Ka hangaia he whakawhirinakitanga ina hono ngā mahi iti ki ngā kupu, pēnei i:
- Ngā waea whakahoki
- Te whakaute i ngā herenga
- Te whakaatu i te aroaro o ngā kare ā-roto
Ahakoa kua whakapaetia hē koe, mā te rite tonu o ō kupu me ō mahi ka āwhina i tō hoa ki te huri i tōna tirohanga ki a koe.
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4. Meinga te ngoikore hei tikanga
He maha ngā whakapae teka e puta mai ana i te wehi o:
- Ngaronga
- makanga
- Ka whara anō rānei
Ko te rongoā ārai mate whakaraeraetanga aronganui. Me whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mō ō mataku, ō āwangawanga rānei, me te kore whakahē. Mā tēnei momo tuwhera ka huri te whakapae hei aroha. Mā te ngoikore ka hanga te whanaungatanga piripono, ka whakamahara hoki i ngā hoa tokorua kei te taha kotahi rāua.
5. Rapua he aratohu ngaio i te wā e tika ana
Kāore koe e hiahia ki te tatari kia puta he āhuatanga ohorere ki te rapu rongoā. Whakapumautia nga tokorua Ka āwhina i ngā hoa mahi ki te mārama ki ngā pūtake kare ā-roto o tētahi ki tētahi, ngā āputa kōrero, me ngā momo here i mua i te hurihanga ki ngā whakapae, ki te riri rānei. Ka taea hoki e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te whakaako i ngā tikanga whakahaere kare ā-roto kia kore ai tētahi hoa mahi e whakapae, e tiaki rānei ina puta ake ngā whakaaro manukanuka.
6. Tirohia anō te whakawhirinaki hei mahi tonu
Ka whanake haere ngā whanaungatanga, me pērā anō hoki ō whakaaetanga whakawhirinaki. I ia marama torutoru, whakaarohia ngā pātai pēnei i:
- "Kei te mau tonu te haumaru o ōku kare ā-roto ki a koe?"
- "He āhuatanga kei te tīmata ki te whakararuraru i ahau?"
- "He aha te mea e āwhina ana i ahau kia nui ake te hononga me te haumaru?"
Mā ngā tirotiro matatau ka huri ngā whakapae pea hei kōrero hauora. Ka huri te taumahatanga kare ā-roto hei mahi tahi.
Pātai Auau
Ki te whakapae tonu tō hoa i a koe mō te tinihanga, he tohu tēnei kei te whakaatu ia i ōna āwangawanga ki a koe. Tērā pea kei te hē te mārama o rātou ki ō mahi, engari ko te nuinga o te wā nā te kore whakawhirinaki. Tērā pea kua pāngia rātou e te ngā āhuatanga rangatira ā, ka ngana ki te whakahaere i a koe. I ngā wā tino kino, ko rātou pea te hunga tinihanga, ko tā rātou huarahi rānei tēnei ki te tukino i a koe i roto i te ngākau.
Ki te whakapaetia koe mō te tinihanga, ngana kia marino. Tirohia ngā kanohi o tō hoa, ka kī atu kāore koe i tinihanga. Homai ngā taunakitanga – te whakapuaki i ō wāhi noho, te whakaatu karere, te whakauru atu rānei i ngā hoa, i ngā mema whānau rānei hei tautoko i a koe – hei tautoko i tō harakore me te whakakore i ō rātou feaa. Nā te mea kei te kōrero pono koe, kāore he rerekētanga i roto i tō kōrero. Heoi, ahakoa ō mahi pono, kāore pea e ranea nā te mea kāore ngā āwangawanga o tō hoa e ngaro me te kore he nui o te mahi.
Tērā pea ka ngana ngā tāngata tinihanga ki te huri i te tūponotanga ki a koe, ki te tuku i te whakapae, me te akiaki i a koe kia pātai ki tō ake ao tūturu. Ka whakaitihia e rātou te hiranga o te āhuatanga, ā, ka ngana ki te mawhiti me te kore he whiu. I roto i ngā āhuatanga tukino, tērā pea ka tūkino tinana rātou, ka whakawehi rānei ki te whara i a koe.
Ko te huarahi anake hei tino mōhio mēnā kei te hara tetahi i te tinihanga ko te mea kei a koe he taunakitanga, mēnā rānei kei te whakaae rātou ki te mahi pera. Mā te whakapae, te matapae, me te ngana ki te whakatau i ngā whakatau mai i ā rātou tauhohenga ka waiho he wāhi nui mō te hapa.
Tohutohu Matua
- Ko ngā whakapae teka mō te tinihanga i ahu mai i ngā āwangawanga o te kaiwhakapae, i ngā wheako o mua, i ngā raruraru hinengaro rānei.
- Mā te whakapae mō te tinihanga i te wā e harakore ana koe ka puta he raruraru nui ki ngā kare ā-roto, tae atu ki te riri, te mauahara, me te whakahāwea i a koe anō, ā, he maha ngā wā ka pā kino ki te hauora hinengaro me te kare ā-roto o ngā taha e rua e whai pānga ana.
- Kia marino, kia aroha, ā, karohia te whanonga ārai, te whanonga utu rānei ina whakapaetia he hē hei whakahaere i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te māramatanga whai hua.
- He pai te whai wāhi atu ki te tohutohu ngaio ki te aro atu ki ngā take matua me te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki, ā, he mea nui te whakatū rohe mārama me te pupuri i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera mō te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi me te haumaru o ngā kare ā-roto.
- Mena he mahi tukino kare ā-roto te āhua o ngā whakapae, me whakaaro ki te oranga whaiaro, ā, me wehe atu i te whanaungatanga.
Thoughts Final
He wheako mamae te whakapae mō te tinihanga i te wā e harakore ana, ā, ka pā kino pea ki te hinengaro o tētahi whanaungatanga mō te wā roa. Ka taea e ngā whakapae teka te whakangaro i te whakawhirinaki, pā ki te whanaungatanga, ā, ka meinga koe kia rongo i ngā kare ā-roto kaha pērā i te riri, te mamae, me te mauahara. Ki te kitea koe i roto i tētahi āhuatanga ōrite, kia mahara ehara i te mea ko koe anake i roto i tēnei pakanga. He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua pā ki ēnei wero, ā, kua puta ake he kaha ake i mua. Mā te huarahi tika, ka taea e koe te tiaki i a koe anō i ēnei kereme kino, me te kimi i tētahi ara ki te whakaora me te whakatau.
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