Te Whakamahere i te Haerenga Tuatahi mō te Pō – 20 Tohutohu Āwhina

Tērā pea he mea hei whakatau i te pai o tō kōrua haerenga tuatahi mō te pō, he mea rānei hei whakakore i te pai o te marena. Tērā pea ka kitea e kōrua ētahi āhuatanga ataahua mō kōrua – te pai o kōrua ki te awhi, te nui rānei o te whakapau moni a tō hoa i te pae inu. Ā, tērā pea ka kitea e rāua tō taha riri, me tō taha pōuri hoki, ina koa kāore ngā mea e rite ana ki tā kōrua mahere. 

I a koe e whakarite ana mō tō hararei tuatahi, kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe me ētahi tohutohu whai hua. Ka taea e kōrua te whakarite i tō haerenga tuatahi hei tokorua kia maumaharahia mā te whakamahere me te whakarite. Nō reira, me arotake e tātou ngā kaupapa katoa kia tino tata ai kōrua, kia mau ai hoki te hononga i waenganui i a kōrua mā te whakatau ki te haere atu mō te mutunga wiki, ki te noho pō rānei.

Āhea kōrua me haere tahi mō te pō tuatahi?

I mua i te taenga atu ki te rārangi wā mō te haereere hei tokorua, me aro tātou ki tētahi atu pātai nui: he aha koe me haereere tahi ai me tō hoa? He huarahi pai te haereere hei hononga, hei mārama ake tetahi ki tetahi, ā, he huarahi pai hoki hei keri i ō kaha me te awhi i ō ngoikoretanga. I te mea kei te tīmatanga tonu tō whanaungatanga, ā, e noho tahi ana kōrua mō ētahi rā, ka mārama ake koe ki te āhua o te mutunga o tō kōrua hononga ā muri ake nei. Heoi, he whakatūpato, i a koe e haereere ana, ka rerekē te āhua o te tangata. Nō reira kaua e whakahē i a rātou mō ngā mea iti rawa. 

Kāore he pukapuka ture mō te wā tika me tīmata ai tā kōrua haerenga tuatahi hei tokorua. Engari e ai ki te whakaaro noa, ko te wā tēnei kua pakari ake ai tō kōrua whanaungatanga, kua mōhio pai ake kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, ā, kua pai ki a kōrua te noho tahi i te moenga/wharepaku. Tērā pea i muri i te noho tahi mō ētahi pō, he wā pai tēnei ki te tīmata kōrero mō te haerenga.

I whakahaerehia e OnePoll tētahi rangahau i ngā Amerikana e 2,000 i haere tahi me ā rātou hoa, ā, ko te whakatau ko te hararei tuatahi o te tokorua i te tekau marama te pakeketanga o tō rāua hononga he mea tino pai. I kitea anō hoki i roto i te rangahau e 23% o ngā tokorua i wehe i muri i tā rāua haerenga tuatahi, engari e 88% i kī he angitu tā rāua hararei tuatahi, ā, e 52% i hoki ki te wāhi kotahi i tētahi wā o te ao ki te whakamahara anō i te hararei tuatahi.

I kī te nuinga o ngā kaiwhakautu he angitu tā rātou hararei aroha tuatahi nā te mea i whiriwhiria e rātou ngā wāhi hararei tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine (69%), ā, i whakaritea he tahua e pai ana mō ngā hoa e rua (61%).

Ko te whakarite kia pono kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira tetahi ki tetahi (51%) me te kaha ki te whakaae tahi (44%) ētahi atu āhuatanga i whai wāhi atu. Nā te mea kua kapi whānuitia e tātou ngā āhuatanga e uru ana ki te angitu o te haerenga tuatahi hei tokorua, me titiro tātou ki ngā taipitopito me pēhea te whakarite i tō pō tuatahi me tō hoa rangatira.

Te Whakamahere i te Haerenga Tuatahi mō te Pō – 20 Tohutohu Āwhina

E ai ki ngā rangahau , ka āwhina te haereere ki te whakapiki i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ka whakaiti i te tūponotanga o te whakarere, ka whakapakari i ngā here mo te wa katoa, ā, ka whai wāhi ki te oranga ngākau. Nō reira, haereere kia rite ki te taea. Engari me mahi tika…

Ki te mea kei te whakamahere koe i tō hararei tuatahi hei tokorua, he mea nui kia maumahara ki ētahi mea kia kore ai he raruraru. Kei te mea e pai ana koe ki te mahi hei tokorua, me te nui o tō mārama ki ō whāinga hararei. Mō tēnā, me kōrero koe, me wehewehe i ngā kawenga, me ētahi atu mea. Anei ngā tohutohu e 20 hei āwhina i tō haerenga tokorua kia angitu:

1. Whakatauhia te huarahi e whakamahia ai e koe te waea atamai

Ko te huarahi tuatahi ki te whai wā pai tahi ko te whakamahi i te waea atamai i te hararei. I ētahi wā, kāore e pai te haere tahi o ngā pāpāho pāpori me ngā whanaungatanga (kaua e kī mai kei te whakaaro koe ki te kawe i te pona/ripa i tō haerenga tuatahi!) Nō reira, kōrerohia i mua i te whakamahinga o te waea atamai.

Ko te mea pai, me whakaweto e koe ō taputapu, ā, me waiho atu i tawhiti. Waiho te nama rūma o tō hōtēra ki te whānau me ngā hoa mēnā he āhuatanga ohorere. Engari, ki te kore e taea e koe te whakahaere i tēnei mahi whakaora kino i ngā waea atamai, whakaritea he wā mō te whakamahi waea, me te karo i ngā waea mahi.

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2. Whakatauhia te wāhi e haere ai kōrua

Kia tae rā anō ki tētahi whakaae mō te whakamahinga waea atamai, me whakaae anō hoki koe ki tētahi wāhi e haere atu ai. He aha mēnā he tangata aroha tō hoa ki te takutai moana, ā, e pai ana koe ki te marino o ngā maunga? Nō reira, ko tēhea wāhi ka haere atu ai koe? Ko tēhea wāhi ka haere atu ai koe i te mutunga wiki tuatahi me tō hoa tāne/wahine?

Ina rerekē ō whakaaro mō tētahi hararei tino pai, ka whakamatautauria tō kōrua hototahitanga. Ko te huarahi pai ki te puta i tēnei raruraru ko te kimi i tētahi ara waenga. Akene, whiriwhiria tētahi wāhi he takutai moana me ētahi pukepuke pari e tata ana. Ka taea rānei e koe te whiriwhiri i te wāhi e haere ai koe mā te whiriwhiri a tō hoa mō tēnei haerenga, ā, māu mō te haerenga e whai ake nei, mā te whiriwhiri rānei i te wāhi e haere mai ana.

3. Hangaia he haerenga poto

Nā te mea ko tō haerenga tuatahi tēnei mō te pō, he pai ake kia poto, kia ātaahua hoki. Whakamaheretia mō te mutunga wiki. Ki te hiahia koe ki te tāpiri atu i tētahi atu rā, kia rua rānei, me mahi. Kaua e nui rawa ngā kōrero mō tō hararei tuatahi me tō hoa wahine/hoa tāne. Kia tere te tae atu ki tō ūnga (mā te motuka, te tereina, te rererangi rānei) ā, kia nui hoki te wā mō ngā mahi me te whakangā. 

4. Whakaritehia he tahua

Ko te whakatau i tētahi tahua te mea tino tika mō tētahi momo haerenga. Ina whakamahere kōrua i tā kōrua haerenga tuatahi mō te pō, noho tahi, ka whakatakoto i tētahi tahua. He mea nui kia kotahi te whakaaro o kōrua mō ngā pūtea.

Ahakoa te hiahia nui ki te whakapaipai, tera pea ka koa tō hoa ki tētahi hōtera pakupaku, tae atu ki ngā whare kai iti te utu. Nō reira, he mea nui kia kōrerohia te mea e pai ana mō kōrua. Kāore e tika kia 50-50 te tahua, ka taea e tētahi hoa te tāpiri atu engari kaua tēnei e waiho hei kaupapa kōrero ina inu waina ana kōrua i roto i te rūma hōtera.

5. Rapua ngā utu pai i runga ipurangi, i waho hoki o te ipurangi

Koinei te mea pai rawa atu mō te whakamahere i te haerenga a tō hoa rangatira i mua i te wā. Ka whiwhi koe i ngā utu pai rawa atu mō ngā pukapuka hōtēra me ngā pukapuka rererangi. Ka taea e koe te tiki i tētahi hōtēra whetu rima mō te utu o tētahi whetu toru mēnā ka rapu tonu koe i ngā utu pai. Kātahi ka taea e koe te noho harikoa me te kore e whakaaro kei te nui rawa tō tahua.

Ko tō wā tuatahi tēnei ki te noho tahi i te mutunga wiki; kāore e taea te ngaro i ngā whakaaro pai mō te rā kia maumahara ai. Ko tētahi tohutohu nui mō te whakarite tahua mō tō hararei tere ko te pupuri i tētahi tahua mō ngā whakapaunga o ia rā. Tuhia ngā mea e whakamahere ana koe ki te mahi me te nui o ō whakapaunga o ia rā. Kua rite katoa koe i reira.

6. Kia pai tō whakamahere i tō haerenga aroha

Koinei te wāhanga tino ngahau ina mahi ana kōrua i te haerenga a tā kōrua tokorua. E whā pea ngā rā e roa ai te haerenga, engari ka taea e koe te pārekareka ki te harikoa o te haerenga e haere ake nei mēnā ka tīmata koe ki te whakarite i ētahi wiki i mua. He kare ā-roto whakahihiri te kōrero mō te haerenga me te noho tahi me te kaiwhakamahere haerenga. Ko te whakaaro ki te haere atu mō te mutunga wiki me tō hoa aroha ka nui ake te harikoa i te toro atu ki te wāhi mirimiri papai. Koinei tonu te take me whakaaro koe ki te haereere me tō hoa i ngā wā katoa.

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7. Wehewehea ngā kawenga

Mā wai e whakatinana ngā mahere katoa? Ki te hiahia tō hoa kia mahia e koe ngā mea katoa, ka ngenge pea koe, ka riri hoki i mua i tō taenga atu ki tō ūnga. Wehewehea ngā kawenga. Ahakoa ka taea e koe te mahi i te pukapuka hōtēra, ka taea e rātou te pukapuka i ngā rerenga. I a koe e hoko ana i ngā peke tuara, ka taea e rātou te whakarite i te pouaka rongoā. Ko te tohatoha i ngā mahi tētahi o ngā tohutohu mō te whakamahere i te haerenga a tētahi tokorua tauhou.

8. Inihuarangatia me ngā rongoā

He aha te tohutohu whai hua hei āwhina i te haereere a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine? Tuhia he rārangi o ngā rongoā e hiahiatia ana e kōrua ko tō hoa, ā, tākaihia. Ā, he mea tika kia whiwhi inihua hei tiaki i a koe mō ngā āhuatanga ohorere hauora, te tahae, te pahua, me ētahi atu āhuatanga e pā ana. Rangahauhia te momo inihua e hiahiatia ana e koe. 

9. Tākai māmā mō tō hararei tokorua

He uaua te tākai taonga mō tō kōrua wiki tuatahi – e ngā wāhine, kei te titiro atu mātou ki a koutou. E mārama ana mātou kei te hiahia koe ki te whakamīharo i tō hoa, ki te whakaoho i tōna manawa, ki te waiho i a ia kia harikoa, me ērā atu mea katoa. Engari kaua e nui rawa te moni, ā, ka mutu, ka whiwhi koe i te 20 huinga kākahu me te rima takirua hu.

E mōhio ana mātou he pai ki a koe te haereere me ō kākahu, engari i tō haerenga aroha, kaua e ohorere tō hoa mā te tae mai me ngā peke e toru. Ko te mea pai, me whakawhāiti noa i ō tueke ki te peke tuara nui kotahi. Tirohia ngā painga o te haere māmā. Arotahi ki ngā mea nui. Ae, e hiahia ana tō hoa ki te haere mō te mutunga wiki. Engari kāo, kāore ia e hiahia kia noho te mutunga wiki katoa hei āwhina i a koe ki te whiriwhiri i ngā kākahu hei kakahu.

10. Arotahi ki ō kaha

I a koe e whakamahere ana i ngā hararei a tā kōrua tokorua, ka kite kōrua he kaha tō ia tangata, tō ia tangata, ina tae mai ki te whakamahere me te whakatinana i tā kōrua mahere. Nō reira, whakamahia pai ō kōrua kaha, ā, mahi tahi hei rōpū. Ko te whakautu ki te whiriwhiri i tētahi hoa ora kei te kimi i tētahi hei tautoko i ō kōrua kaha me ō kōrua ngoikore, ā, kāore he take e kore ai e taea e tā kōrua haerenga tuatahi te whai i taua huarahi.

Mena he pai rātou ki te whakarite pukapuka ipurangi, ā, ko te rangahau i te inihua tika tāu e hiahia ana, wehewehea ngā mahi kia rite ki tēnā. Ka taea e koe te whakatau ko wai ka taraiwa i te wā e reti ana koe i tētahi waka, ā, ko wai ka whiriwhiri i ngā wharekai e haere ana koe. Mā te mahi tahi, ka taea e koe te hanga i tēnei hei hararei pai rawa atu māu.  

11. Kōrerohia ngā mea e hiahia ana kōrua kia mahia ngātahi

Kei te hiahia koe kia whakakīia tō hararei ki ngā mahi me ngā tūhuratanga, kei te hiahia rānei koe kia nui ake te wā okioki me te iti iho o te mahi? Kia maumahara, he rerekē te huarahi e whakatata atu ai te tokorua ki te hararei, ā, ina tae ki te tokorua, he nui ake te hihiri o tētahi i tētahi. Nō reira, kōrerohia he aha tā kōrua e tumanako ana mai i tēnei hararei. He nui ake te hihiri, he marino rānei?

12. Whakamaherehia ngā wā okiokinga

He aha koe me haere tahi ai me tō hoa? Nā te mea e hiahia ana koe ki te whai wā whakangā tahi. Ahakoa he pono tēnā, e whakapono ana mātou me whai wā anō hoki kōrua tetahi ki tetahi. Kāore te noho tahi i te taha o te hope i te mea hauora. Ko te noho tahi tonu ka nui rawa te wā. Nō reira, i a tō hoa e moe ana, ka taea e kōrua te mātaki i te whutupaoro i te pouaka whakaata. Ki te kōrerohia tēnei i mua atu, kāore kōrua e whakaaro kua warewarehia. Ka mōhio koe he mea nui te wāhi ahakoa i roto i te hararei aroha, ā, ka whakawhetai koe mō tēnā.

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13. Kia marino

Ko te haere atu mō te mutunga wiki me te hoa rangatira, ehara i te mea ko te tango i tōna oranga. He mea ātaahua pea te kī atu kia mau i te hāte Hawai'i i hoatu e koe ki a rātou, engari kāore e taea e koe te whakatau he aha ngā kākahu e mau ana i a rātou i ia wā ka haere tahi kōrua. Kaua e kī tonu kia whakakoi i ō rātou makawe nā te mea e pai ana koe ki a rātou, kaua hoki e mutu i muri i ngā inu e rua. Āe! Kei te hararei rātou me koe, ehara i te mea me ō rātou mātua. Ko te whanaungatanga whakahaere te mea whakamutunga e hiahiatia ana e te tangata.

Kaua e amuamu, kaua hoki e tino pukuriri. Me whai noa i te ia o te wā kia pai ai te hararei. Kua whakatau koe ki ngā wāhi hei haere māu me tō hoa, engari kāore i taea? Kaua e tukua kia pāngia koe e ngā pouri o te huarere kino, e ngā mahere kua whakakorehia rānei. Kia marino, kia pai te noho tahi me te tangata.  

14. Kōrerohia ngā tumanakohanga mō tō haerenga tuatahi mō te pō

E whakaatu ana ngā rangahau ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine he nui ake te wheako haereere ka whakamahere i ngā taipitopito katoa i mua i te haerenga kia kore ai e taupatupatu. Hei tauira, ki te hiahia koe ki te tūhura i tētahi kāinga ataahua i te huarahi, ka hiahia koe ki te mahi ko koe anake, ā, ka pai koe ki a rātou e noho ana i roto i tētahi whare waina me te whakamātau i ētahi waina hou? Kōrerohia ō tumanakohanga kia kotahi ai te whārangi o tā kōrua rārangi hiahia . Ko te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ka mutu te tautohetohe i ngā hararei nā te mea he tino rerekē ō rātou tumanakohanga tetahi ki tetahi.

15. Whakaritea he kaupapa

Me i taea e koe te whakarite i ō rā i mua i te wā, ko te hararei a tō hoa rangatira te mea tino whai hua. Tērā pea he tangata ara pōuri koe, ā, he tangata ata tō hoa rangatira. Nā, me pēhea tāu whakarite i ō mahi? Āe, kua mōhio koe – mā te kimi i tētahi ara waenga. He pai ake ki a koe te okioki i ngā ahiahi, he pai ake rānei te whakapau i taua wā ki te puna kaukau? Ko te whai i tētahi kaupapa he whakarite i tō hararei me te karo i ngā pakanga me ngā pouri i te meneti whakamutunga. 

16. Whakamātauria ngā mea hou

Kāore anō koe kia whakamātau i ngā pāpaka nā te mea kāore koe i tino mōhio ki te reka o aua pāpaka. Engari he pai ki a rātou ngā pāpaka. He aha e kore ai e whakamātau tahi me rātou? He pai ki a koe te retihuka rererangi engari kāore anō rātou kia whakamātau. Me eke rātou ki runga i a rātou, ā, ka tino pai ki tō hoa. E hiahia ana rātou ki tētahi hōtēra me tētahi pae inu kaukau nā te mea he pai ki a rātou te inu pia i te puna kaukau. Hono atu ki a rātou ki reira ka whakamātau i tēnei wheako hou. Ko te whakamātau i ngā mea hou me te tūhura tetahi i tetahi ko te kaupapa matua o tētahi hararei aroha. 

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17. Me taea e koe te whakaae

Ko te haere tahi ehara i te mea ka takahia ō waewae ina hiahia koe ki tētahi mea. Ko te mea nui ko te whakaae me te whakarite wāhi mō ngā mea e pai ana ki tō hoa. Ko te whakaae iti te huarahi anake ki te kimi i te harikoa, ā, me mahi koe i tēnei me te aroha. Kaua e ngana ki te whakaatu kei te patu koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mā te kore e haere ki te takutai moana ina hiahia tō hoa ki te moe i te ahiahi. Me piri tahi ki te moenga me ia, ā, whakamahia te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua. Mā tēnei mea iti ka nui te āwhina ki te whakau i tō kōrua hononga.

18. Kia tūpato ka huri te haereere i te tangata

Tērā pea kei te whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tangata whakama , he tangata mahi pukumahi hoki. Engari ina haere tahi kōrua i tētahi haerenga, tera pea ka miharo koe ki te kite i a rātou e kōrero ana i te tekau mā iwa ki te tekau mā rua, ā, kāore rawa e tata ki te mahi. Ka whakarerekē te haereere i ngā whakaaro o te tangata. Ko te whakaaro katoa tēnei mō tētahi wāhi hou, mō tētahi āhua hou, me tētahi kamupene pai e arohaina ana e te tangata. Ka puta ake he taha rerekē ki a rātou.

I ētahi wā ka puta mai ngā āhuatanga kino. Nō reira, me rite koe ki te aro atu ki tēnā. Ko te mea noa, ka riri te tangata ina mutu te mahi, ka puta pea ō rātou riri, ka mangere rawa rānei.  

19. Kia rite mō te āhuatanga o te wharepaku

Koinei te hararei tuatahi mā kōrua, ā, koinei pea te wā tuatahi ka whakamahia tahitia e kōrua te wharepaku. Tērā pea kāore tō hoa rangatira i te mōhio kei te kaukau kōrua mō te haora kotahi, ā, kāore anō hoki koe i te mōhio ka haere rāua ki te wharepaku mō te 3-4 wā i te rā. Nō reira, tērā pea ka tae mai te wā ka hiahia kōrua ki te wharepaku. Ko te wā tēnā me hoki anō kōrua ki te tohu 17. He whakamaumahara noa iho: he wharepaku kei te tomokanga o te hōtēra, ka taea e tētahi o kōrua te whakamahi mō ngā āhuatanga ohorere. 

20. Whakamaherehia kia pai ake te whakatau i ngā tautohe

Kāore e taea te karo i tēnei, engari ko te tuku i tēnā kia piki ake hei pakanga kei te āhua o tō whakahaere i te āhuatanga. Me whakarite he mahere mō te whakatau i ngā tautohe. E kore e moumou taima utu nui o tō pakanga hararei. Akohia te pupuri i te pakanga, ina koa he tokorua kōrua e whawhai tonu ana mō ngā mea kotahi.

E ai ki tāu i kite ai, mā te whakamahere ātaahua ka taea e koe te menemene ina whakaaro koe ki tō haerenga tuatahi mō te pō. He huarahi pai ki te waiho i ngā kare ā-roto whakamiharo kia mau tonu ko te tango i ngā tānga o ngā whakaahua i pāwhiritia e koe ka hanga he pakitara ki aua mea. Ko te tikanga tēnei he nui tō whakaaro ki te hararei, ā, ka taea e koe te whakatakoto i te ara mō tētahi whanaungatanga roa e whai hua ana. Whakaingoatia te pukaemi pakitara, "Tō tāua haerenga tuatahi tahi." 

Kua whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te Oketopa, 2022.

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He aha te Benching Dating? Ngā Tohu me ngā Huarahi hei Ārai i tēnei

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.