Magawo 7 A Kusweka Amene Aliyense Amadutsa

Mukandifunsa, kudutsa magawo a chisudzulo mwina ndi chinthu chovuta kwambiri chomwe mungachite. Kaya ndi amene anayambitsa kugawanika kapena inu munatero. Kaya mudaziwona zikubwera kwa miyezi kapena simunayembekezere mpaka atakhala pansi ndikuthetsa zinthu. Lang Leav akuti, "Ukaluza munthu, chilengedwe chonse chimapita nawo." Kotero kwa kanthawi, zingakhale zovuta kufotokoza dziko lanu popanda iwo mmenemo. Kapena kusiya kuphonya zomwe muli nazo kapena omwe mudali nawo. 

Zotsatira za chisudzulo zimabweretsa kusokonezeka kwa malingaliro ndi kupsinjika. Ndikhoza kutsimikizira izi. Kuthana ndi malingaliro awa kwakhaladi njira kwa ine m'mbuyomu, ngakhale zitha kuwoneka mosiyana kwa aliyense. Tonse timadutsa magawo osiyanasiyana a kulola kupita. Kwa ine, gawo lovuta kwambiri la kupatukana linali kuyembekezera kuti wakale wanga abwerere ngakhale ndimadziwa kuti sangatero.

Kodi pali nthawi imene mitima yathu imasiya kusweka n’kukhala zidutswa zambirimbiri nthawi iliyonse tikaganizira za wakale? Kuti timvetse bwino nthawi imeneyi ya ululu, tinalankhula ndi Dhriti Bhavsar , katswiri wa zamaganizo yemwe ali ndi digiri ya masters mu zamaganizo komanso katswiri wa uphungu. Masiku ano, akulongosola za kutha kwa ubale wathu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi.

Magawo 7 a Kusweka: Kufotokozera

Malinga ndi akatswiri a za ubongo , chikondi chingaonedwe ngati chizolowezi chachibadwa. Ndicho chifukwa chake kutha kwa chibwenzi kungabweretse kusiya kugonana ngati cocaine. "Ubale umayambitsa njira zomwezo muubongo mwathu zomwe chizolowezi chimachita. Amatulutsa mahomoni monga oxytocin ndi dopamine, zomwe zimatipangitsa kukhala osangalala. Chifukwa chake, pamene chibwenzi chatha, pamakhala kusowa kwa mahomoni achimwemwe muubongo," akufotokoza Dhriti . "Kupatula apo, kutaya munthu amene tinazolowera kutembenukira kwa iye, munthu amene tinakhala nthawi yayitali tikucheza naye, komanso munthu amene tinamudalira kudzakhala kovuta komanso kopweteka."

Kusweka kwa chibwenzi n'kosapiririka. Chisoni chomwe timamva pambuyo pa kutha kwa chibwenzi chingakhale chofooka ngati chisoni cha imfa ya wokondedwa. Mwina ndichifukwa chake magawo otha kutha kwa chibwenzi amafanana ndi magawo asanu a chisoni omwe amayamba kuyambira kukana, kukwiya, kukambirana, ndi kukhumudwa mpaka kuvomereza. Ngakhale aliyense amakumana ndi kusweka kwa chibwenzi mosiyana komanso pa liwiro lake, izi nthawi zambiri zimaphatikizapo magawo asanu ndi awiri. Malinga ndi Dhriti, magawo awa satsatira njira yolunjika kapena dongosolo linalake, ndipo ndi zachilendo kudumpha magawo enaake, kapena kupita mtsogolo. Awa ndi awa:

Kuwerenga Kofanana : Zinthu 19 Zoyenera Kuchita ndi Zosayenera Kuchita Pambuyo Popatukana

1. Mwadzazidwa ndi chisokonezo ndi mafunso

Dhriti anati: “Nthawi imene banja lanu litangotha ​​ndi yovuta kwambiri kuthana nayo. Apa ndi pamene chowonadi sichinakhazikike mkati ndipo mumasinthasintha pakati pa kumva kukanidwa, kugwedezeka, chisokonezo, ndi kusokonezeka. Kapena, kupalamula, ngati munataya. Si zachilendonso kusuntha molunjika kukakana kapena kukayikira ngati ubalewo sungatheke. 

Mutha kukonza zonse zomwe adakuuzani, kuti muwone zizindikiro zomwe zikutsutsana ndi cholinga chawo chopatukana. Dhriti akuwonjezera kuti, "Kugwirizana ndi kutha kwa ubale ndikuchoka pa siteji yokanira ndi gawo lovuta kwambiri lotha kwa ena." Pamene kukula kwa kutayika kumayamba kucha, mafunso ngati awa amayamba kutseka mutu wanu: 

• Kodi kuthetsa chibwenzi kunali koyenera? 
• Chifukwa chiyani sindinachiwone chikubwera?
• Adandipanga bwanji izi pambuyo…?
• Ngati anaganiza zothetsa banja, chifukwa chiyani…?
• Mwina anali okwiya basi ndipo sankafuna kuthetsa zinthu...

Zifukwa ndi njira zimenezi zimasakanikirana ndi malingaliro ndi ululu waukulu womwe umapweteka mwakuthupi, monga momwe mkono wosweka ungachitire ndi kupsa kapena kusweka ( kafukufuku wapeza kuti zingathekedi).

2. Mu gawo limodzi la kutha kwa ubale wanu, mumalowerera m'malingaliro

Mumasunga gawo losweka pakubwereza pafupipafupi kuti mudziwe yemwe kapena chomwe chidayambitsa kugawanika. Nthawi yomweyo, simungachitire mwina koma kudabwa kuti wakale wanu akukuvutitsani bwanji. M'kupita kwa nthawi, mukhoza kuyendayenda pakati pa nthawi ya zochitika zamphamvu kuti mupewe kuthana ndi ululu ndi kuganiza mokakamiza.

Malinga ndi Dhriti, tikayang'ana mmbuyo pa maubwenzi anthawi yayitali, anthu amakonda kulowerera mu:

• Euphoric kukumbukira: Kukumbukira mbali zabwino zokha ndi kukumbukira ubalewo kuposa momwe zinalili. Ndi Reddit wosuta amagawana, "Pali chinthu chomwe chimatchedwa chisoni cha dumpers. Ndiko kumene dumpers amayang'ana mmbuyo pa ubale wawo / wakale ndi magalasi amtundu wa rose ndikuiwala zinthu zonse za shi ** y muubwenzi. Ndimamukondabe wakale wanga. Ndimamusowabe kwambiri. Koma ndinalemba mndandanda wa zifukwa zonse zomwe zinandichititsa kuti ndisiyane naye poyamba, ndipo nthawi iliyonse ndikangomva kuti ndine wofooka. "
• Ambivalence: Dhriti akufotokoza tanthauzo lake: “Kusintha pakati pa zabwino ndi zoipa.

Ngakhale kuti maphunziro ena amanena kuti kusokoneza maganizo n’kofunika kuti munthu asiye kuganizira kwambiri za chibwenzi chake, ena amati kuganizira ndi kulankhula za kusudzulana kungakuthandizeni kupitiriza ndi moyo. Komabe, kufufuza za chibwenzi chanu kapena kuonana ndi anzanu sikungakuthandizeni, akutero kafukufuku . Ngati mukumva kuti muli ndi maganizo olakwika, kutsatira lamulo loti musalankhulane ndi munthu wina ndikutembenukira kwa anthu omwe akukuthandizani kapena kulankhula ndi akatswiri a ubale monga mlangizi wovomerezeka kapena katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito kungakuthandizeni kuchira ku kusudzulana kopweteka.

3. Mumakambirana ndi inuyo kapena wakale wanu

Kumayambiriro kwa chisoni chifukwa cha chibwenzi, chisoni ndi kudzikayikira zimatha kuwonekera. Mumakana kusiya chibwenzicho nthawi zambiri zakusokonekera kwa ubale. Dhriti anati: “Zambiri za 'zikanakhala bwanji' kapena 'zikanayenera kutero' zimadzabwera mukamaganizira zimene zikanasintha, mwina mungaganize zoyambanso kucheza ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale.

Kafukufuku amene watchulidwa pamwambapa akuti, “Okondana amabwereranso m’maganizo mwawo monga momwe anthu omwe amamwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo amachitira. Patapita nthawi yaitali chibwenzi chitatha, zochitika, anthu, malo, nyimbo, ndi/kapena zizindikiro zina zakunja zokhudzana ndi kusiya wokondedwa wawo zimatha kuyambitsa zikumbukiro ndikuyambitsa chilakolako chatsopano.” Izi zikachitika, kodi muyenera kulankhula ndi wakale wanu? Nayi chifukwa chake simuyenera kuchita izi, malinga ndi Dhriti:

• Kukambirana ndi imodzi mwamagawo otha kutha pomwe sitikumbukira kuti zinthu zinali zoyipa monga momwe zidalili.
• Ngakhale titatero, timalimbikira kuzikonza. Komabe, mavuto ena a ubale sangathetsedwe
• Kubwerera mmbuyo kungalepheretse kuchira kwanu: Mutha kuwononga nthawi ndi khama kuti mukhale ndi zosweka mtima
• Ngati mupeza kuti mwakonzeka kuchita chilichonse chowonjezera, kumbukirani kuti kunyalanyaza ophwanya malamulo ndi malire anu kuti mudzutsenso chibwenzi kungawononge thanzi lanu komanso kudzidalira kwanu.
• Kukambirana kungathenso kukupangitsani kuti muyambenso, kusiya ubale, womwe, kafukufuku zikusonyeza, zidzangobala kusakhutira

Kuwerenga Kofanana : Mitundu 10 ya Kusweka Komwe Kumabwereranso ndi Nthawi

4. Mwapsa mtima  

Kodi nthawi yayitali bwanji yothetsa banja ngati muli ndi mkwiyo? Mwachibadwa, uyu. Chisoni chikatha, kuyang'ana kumbuyo kumayamba kudyetsa ukali. Ngakhale kuti zingakhale zovuta kulingalira, iyi ndi sitepe yeniyeni yopita ku machiritso - Pokhapokha ngati siwoloka kudziko lachiwawa. Dhriti akufotokoza,

• “Mkwiyo ndiye chinthu choyamba chosinthira ku kuvomera ndikutuluka mbali ina ya chisudzulo
• Ndi chizindikiro kuti mwachoka kukana ndipo mwagwirizana ndi kutha kwapang'onopang'ono, kaya mukufuna kubwereranso kwa wakale wanu, kapena mumakwiya chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika, kupanda chilungamo, kapena momwe zinthu zinathera. 
• Munthawi imeneyi, mutha kukwiyitsidwa poganizira zagawanika kapena zokhumudwitsa zonse komanso zokhumudwitsa kuyambira pomwe banja lisanathe.
• Mkwiyo uwu ukhoza kutembenukiranso mkati mwanu mukaganizira zonse zomwe iwo anachita kapena zomwe simunachite muubwenzi”

M'malo mobisa zonse ndikuyambiranso chibwenzi pambuyo pake, njira imodzi yabwino yothetsera mkwiyo mukatha kusudzulana ndiyo kuugwiritsa ntchito kwina. "Gawo loyamba lothana ndi malingaliro aliwonse ndikuzindikira cholinga chake ndikumvetsetsa," akutero Dhriti. Gawo lotsatira ndikupeza njira yotulukira, monga:

• Kulankhula ndi munthu amene mumamukhulupirira, monga anzanu ndi achibale 
• Kulemba kwaukali, kumathandiza pamene mukusweka mtima. Koma sizikutanthauza kuti mutumize meseji yaukali kwa wakale wanu. Ndi Reddit wosuta limalangiza kuti, “Ndikhala woona mtima, mukaitumiza mudzakhala ndi mphindi ya mpumulo, kutsatiridwa ndi chisoni. Chochitika chabwino kwambiri, amene akuchilandirayo sangasamale, choipitsitsa, chidzalimbitsa chosankha chawo. Lembani zakukhosi kwanu, tulutsani papepala, lankhulani kwa mabwenzi. Koma osati kwa munthu amene anganyalanyaze mawu anu ndi kufunika kwake.
• Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi (Kutha kukhala antidepressant yothandiza, molingana ndi izi buku)

5. Kugudubuzika ndi imodzi mwamagawo osiya zakale

Mkwiyo ukangowonjezeka, zowona za kutayika zimayamba kulowa mkati. Mukayang'anizana ndi dzenje lofanana ndi zomwe zakonzekera zam'tsogolo, mchitidwe wachisoni umayamba. Munthawi imeneyi ya kupatukana, nkwachibadwa kumadzifunsa ngati si inuyo amene munathetsa chibwenzicho. Kapena kukhalabe “m’chikondi.” Mukamagwira ntchito kuti musiye, mutha kuyembekezera kuti:  

• Chisoni, kukhumudwa, kukwiya, kapena kufuna kudzipatula 
• Mphwayi kapena dzanzi maganizo monga inu kumva kuti mulibe kanthu, olekanitsidwa ndi malo okhala, ndi kutaya kuzindikira nthaŵi 

Mukakhala osweka mtima mutatha kupatukana ndipo malingaliro oipa amakudyerani, kuyang'ana pa kudzikonda, kudzisamalira, kapena zinthu zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala bwino zingakhale zothandiza kwambiri. Dhriti akuti:

• Kusunga buku. A phunziro anatchula zimenezi kuti ndi njira yabwino yothanirana ndi vutoli ndipo anapeza kuti “kulemba zinthu zabwino zokhudza banja lanu kungathandize kuti mukhale ndi maganizo abwino”
• Kuyang'ana malingaliro kapena machitidwe omwe akukulepheretsani kupita patsogolo (“Bwanji ngati sindidzapezanso chikondi?”) ndi kuwakonzanso (“Sindikutsimikiza zamtsogolo ndipo zimandiwopsa”)
• Kufikira okondedwa kapena akatswiri azamisala monga katswiri wazamisala, kapena banja lovomerezeka, kapena othandizira mabanja 
• Kudya wathanzi. Monga mwa Forbes, kupendedwa kwa kafukufuku 15 kumatsimikizira kuti “kudya zakudya zopatsa thanzi monga masamba ndi zipatso kumagwirizanitsidwa ndi mapindu ozama kwambiri a m’maganizo pambuyo pa nyengo zopsinjika maganizo, monga ngati kulekana.” Kuchokera ku supu kupita ku mtedza kupita ku chokoleti, uku ndikuwerenga kwasayansi chifukwa chake zakudya zina zimakuthandizani kuti muthane bwino.
• Kuphika chakudya chosavuta. A 2016 phunziro mu Journal of Positive Psychology akuti amene amachita zinthu zing’onozing’ono komanso za tsiku ndi tsiku, monga kuphika ndi kuphika, amayembekezera mwachidwi tsiku lotsatira

Pali chiyembekezo mu sayansi. Kafukufuku wachitika pa anthu omwe anali pafupi kutha kwa chibwenzi. Atawonetsedwa zithunzi za chibwenzi chawo chakale, onse adawonetsa kukhudzidwa m'madera a ubongo okhudzana ndi malingaliro achikondi champhamvu, kukondana, kupweteka kwakuthupi, chilakolako, chizolowezi, komanso kuwerengera phindu ndi zotayika kuchokera muubwenzi. "Komabe, masiku ambiri kuyambira pomwe munthu wakana, zochita zochepa m'dera la ubongo (ventral pallidum) zokhudzana ndi kukondana zimachepa," idapeza.

6. Chisoni chifukwa cha chibwenzi chimatha mukadzavomereza kuti zatha

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwamagawo omaliza a chisudzulo mukaganiza, kupenda ubale wanu wakale, ndikupanga mtendere ndi chifukwa chomwe simubwereranso. Simukutsutsanso lingaliro lowalola kupita kapena kupita patsogolo popanda iwo. Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati kudzipereka kapena kusiya ntchito, pomwe mwaganiza zosiya kuyesa kutsitsimutsanso ubalewo motsutsana ndi zovuta zonse. 

Ndiye kodi mungayembekezere kufika pati pamenepa? “Mukangomvetsa zonse zomwe zinachitika, mudzakhala mutadutsa kusiyana ndipo simudzakhala ndi ululu waukulu. M'malo mwake, mudzakhala ndi mtendere wamumtima,” akutero Dhriti. Kafukufuku wina akutiuza chinthu chofunikira: Mukangoyambanso kuzindikira bwino kuti ndinu ndani kunja kwa chibwenzi chanu chakale, mutha kudziona kuti ndinu okonzeka kupitiriza moyo wanu.

Kuwerenga Kofanana : Momwe Mungagonjetsere Munthu Amene Mumamuona Tsiku Lililonse Ndikupeza Mtendere

7. Zikomo, lotsatira

Mwachita masamu paubwenzi ndikuwongolera zolakwikazo. Mwalemba zomwe sizinawonjezere ndipo mwaphunzira maphunziro. Ndipo pamapeto pake, mwafika pomwe mutha kudziwona mukuwona wina watsopano. Kuyambanso mwatsopano sikungakhale kopanda kukayikira ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana, monga chiyembekezo chosakanikirana ndi mantha.   

“Anthu ena amaopa kubwereza mbiri, ambiri amatero mosazindikira. Ena amayesa kupitirira popanda kuvomereza. Ndipo izi zimayambitsa mavuto muubwenzi wawo watsopano,” akutero Dhriti. Chifukwa chake, ngati mwasankha kukhalanso pachibwenzi , pitirizani kuyang'ana kwambiri pa inu nokha ndi zomwe zikuchitika pano. Musagwere mumsampha woyerekeza chibwenzi kapena kuwerengera momwe munthu watsopano amafikira pa moto wakale. Pokhapokha ngati mukufuna kukhalabe m'mbuyomu. Ndipo ndani akudziwa kwa nthawi yayitali bwanji?

Kodi zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti muchiritse kuchokera pakusudzulana kowawa?

Helen Fisher akufotokoza mwasayansi mu Ted Talk kuti , “Mukasiyidwa, chinthu chimodzi chomwe mumakonda kuchita ndikungoiwala za munthu uyu, kenako pitirizani ndi moyo wanu — Koma ayi, mumangowakonda kwambiri.” Ndiye magawo enieni a kusudzulana amakhala nthawi yayitali bwanji? Ndipo gawo lalitali kwambiri la kusudzulana ndi liti? Kodi n’zoona kuti zimatenga theka la nthawi yomwe mumadziwa winawake kuti muwathetse?

Dhriti akuti, "Ngakhale zingawonekere movutirapo pambuyo pa kutha kwa chibwenzi, malingaliro achisoni ndi kutayidwa komwe mumamva kumadutsa. Palibe malire okhazikika a nthawi iliyonse ya "kutha." Kutengera ndi chikhalidwe chawo komanso ubale wawo, anthu amathera nthawi yochuluka muukali kapena chisoni - ngakhale kuti zinthu zina zimasiyanitsidwa kale.

Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti, kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti anthu amakonda kuganiza mopitirira muyeso nthawi yomwe idzawatengera kuti achire pambuyo pa kusudzulana. M'buku lakuti It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy , Greg Behrendt akunena kuti nthawi yomwe imatenga kuti munthu amve bwino za kusudzulana "imagwirizana mwachindunji ndi nthawi yomwe imatenga kuti munthu amve bwino za iwe mwini." Sitingavomereze zambiri.

Ululu wa kusudzulana ndi wosapiririka. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Guy Winch anati, “Mosiyana ndi mphepo zamkuntho zenizeni, kusweka mtima kulibe diso — Sikupereka mpumulo ndipo sikusiya malo obisala. Motero timakhalabe otseguka, onyowa, komanso okhumudwa mpaka kutatha.” Choncho kuthetsa kusweka mtima kumafuna kuchitapo kanthu. Koma zingatheke.

Dhriti akulangiza kuti, "Kusintha maganizo onse oipa omwe amabwera mwadzidzidzi ndikuyika mawu abwino otsimikizira kumafuna ntchito. Ndipo sizingatheke nthawi yomweyo mutasiya kusudzulana. Ngati mukuvutika, funsani akatswiri kuti athetse chisoni chomwe chabwera chifukwa cha kusudzulana." Tikukhulupirira kuti nkhaniyi yakuthandizani. Ngati mukufuna thandizo la akatswiri kapena upangiri, alangizi athu angasangalale kukuthandizani.

Ibibazo

Ndiyitanire Ex Wanga - Malangizo 12 Oti Musankhe

Njira Yoyenera Yogwiritsira Ntchito Mphamvu Yachete Pambuyo Pakutha

Momwe Mungadzikondenso Nokha Pambuyo Potengera Khungu Lanu - Malangizo 17

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

Kumanani ndi Bungwe Lathu Lowunika

Gawani Ndemanga

Ndemanga zanu ndi zotani?

×

zothandiza Nenani Cholakwika Zina

kugonjera