Njira 11 Zaukatswiri Zothana ndi Kusudzulana Mwadzidzidzi mu Ubale Wautali

Kusweka ndizovuta kuthana nazo, zedi. Koma kutha mwadzidzidzi muubwenzi wanthawi yayitali kumapweteka kwambiri, makamaka ngati simunawone kuti zikubwera. Kuthetsa ubale wautali ndi munthu amene mumamukonda mwina ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zovuta kwambiri kuchita chifukwa mumazolowera moyo ndi munthuyo ndipo mumaganizira kale zamtsogolo ndi iwo.

Mumayembekezera kuti chibwenzicho chikhalitsa koma sichitero ndipo zingakhale zokhumudwitsa kwambiri. Mwinamwake mukumva ngati dziko lanu lagwera pansi. Panthawi imeneyi, mwina mukuganiza ngati n'zotheka kupirira kusweka mtima. Kodi mungakonze mtima wosweka pambuyo pa kutha kwa ubale wautali? Kodi ndizotheka kuchira? Yankho ndi lakuti inde n’zotheka.

Zingawoneke zosatheka panthawiyo, koma mukhoza kupirira. Tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Juhi Pandey (MA Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito pazibwenzi, asanalowe m’banja, ndi uphungu wothetsa banja, za njira zochira pambuyo pa kutha kwa ubale wautali. Adafotokozanso nkhani zakutha kwa nthawi yayitali komanso zina mwazifukwa zodziwika bwino zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mapangano kapena maukwati atha.

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Ambiri aife tamvapo nkhani za kutha kwa nthawi yayitali. Pali zochitika zakuti maanja akutha zaka zisanu akukhala limodzi. Zimakupangitsani kudabwa chimene chinalakwika m’paradaiso, sichoncho? Chabwino, pangakhale zifukwa zingapo zomwe zimayambitsa kutha kwadzidzidzi mu ubale wautali.

Juhi akufotokoza kuti: “Nthaŵi zina, anthu amasokoneza kukopeka ndi chikondi chifukwa cha zimene zimachititsa kuti ubwenziwo ukhale wovuta kwambiri.

Monga tanenera poyamba paja, kusudzulana kwa nthawi yaitali kungakhale ndi zifukwa zingapo. Nkhani zoyankhulana, kusowa kwa ubwenzi, zolinga za ntchito, kusowa kwa kukula kwa ubale, mavuto osatha, kusakhulupirika, kusintha kwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri - zikhoza kukhala chirichonse. Nazi zifukwa zitatu zomwe zimayambitsa kutha kwadzidzidzi muubwenzi wanthawi yayitali:

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1. Malingaliro omwe sanatchulidwe ndi nkhani zomwe sizinathe

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zimachititsa kuti ubale ukhale wautali. Juhi anati: “Kukambitsirana kwakukulu kapena mikangano yosathetsedwa ndi mikangano imene imachitika pakati pa anthu okwatirana nthawi zambiri imayambitsa kutha kwa chibwenzi kwa nthaŵi yaitali. awiriwa anali paubwenzi wautali sichinathandizenso mlandu wawo.”

Zomverera ndi mavuto, ngati sizinenedwa kapena kuthetsedwa, zingayambitse kuwononga kwa nthawi yaitali ndi kuchepetsa chikondi chimene okwatirana amakhala nacho kwa wina ndi mzake. Muyenera kusagwirizana ndi kukhala ndi malingaliro osiyana, koma kusagwirizana kapena ndewu zimakula mpaka kufika poti kukhala pamodzi kumayamba kumva kuti sikungatheke, ndiye mmodzi kapena onse awiri angasankhe kupita.

2. Kusowa chilakolako ndi ubwenzi

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zofala kwambiri zomwe zimayambitsa kutha kwadzidzidzi mu ubale wautali. Pokhala pamodzi kwa nthawi yayitali, okwatirana amamasuka pamaso pa wina ndi mzake. Chitonthozo chimenechi chikhoza kutha mosavuta. Zoonadi, simungathe kukhala ndi chilakolako chofanana ndi chiyanjano chomwe munali nacho panthawi yaukwati kwa zaka zambiri, koma ngati mutasiya chibwenzi, ndiye kuti pali vuto.

Kugonana ndi gawo lofunika kwambiri paubwenzi kapena m'banja koma sindizo zonse zomwe zimagwirizana. Manja ang’onoang’ono monga kugwirana chanza, kupsompsonana usiku wabwino, kuyang’anana, kukumbatirana, ndi kuba kupsopsonana kwapang’ono pa tsiku lotanganidwa, kumathandiza kwambiri kusonyeza kuti mumakondana ndi kusamalirana.

Komabe, nthawi zina, maanja amalephera kusunga chisangalalo ndi maginito kuti zikhale zamoyo chifukwa chakuti malingaliro ena a monotony amayamba, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti onse awiri asokonezeke. Iyi ndi nthawi yomwe, m'malo mopeza njira zotsitsimulanso chikondi muubwenzi, amakonda kusiya kudzipereka kwawo komanso njira zina.

3. Kusakula muubwenzi

Juhi anati: “Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zimene zimachititsa kuti ubwenziwo ukhale wautali ndi munthu amene mumam’konda ndi pamene mukuona kuti chibwenzicho chikusokonekera. Kusintha kwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri kapena mwayi wa ntchito m’dziko lofulumirali kungasokoneze ubwenzi umene umakhalapo kwa nthawi yaitali.

A ubale wabwino alole onse awiri kukula payekhapayekha komanso limodzi ngati banja. Kukhala pamodzi sikokwanira. Kugawana moyo ndi wokondedwa wanu m'njira zomangirira, zomveka ndikofunikira. Payenera kukhala malo oti akule. Ngati malowa akusowa, ndiye kuti akhoza kuyambitsa mavuto pakati pa maanja omwe ali mu ubale wautali. Ngati wina aliyense akuona kuti ali bwino popanda mnzake, ndi bwino kusiya.

Kutha kwa banja kungakhale ndi zifukwa zambiri. Kusakhulupirirana ndi kulemekezana, kusagwirizana pakugonana, khalidwe lapoizoni kapena lachipongwe, kukhala ndi katundu kapena nsanje yopambanitsa, nkhani zachuma, mtunda wautali, kapena kusakondana kwenikweni kungakhale zifukwa zingapo. Ndiye, ndithudi, ife tonse anamva za nthawi yaitali ubale kutha nkhani za kusakhulupirika, kutsogolera mabanja kusweka pambuyo 5 zaka akukhala limodzi kapena kuposa. Zimakhala zovuta kugwirizana nazo koma dziwani kuti ndizotheka kuchira pambuyo pa kutha kwa ubale wautali.

Njira 11 Zaukatswiri Zothana ndi Kusudzulana Mwadzidzidzi mu Ubale Wautali

Kutha mwadzidzidzi muubwenzi wanthawi yayitali sikophweka kuthana nako koma sikuthekanso. Munthu amakumana ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana omwe angawoneke ovuta kuwawongolera. Mutha kumva ngati dziko lanu likuphwanyidwa. Koma pali masitepe omwe munthu angachite kuti achire pambuyo pa kutha kwa ubale wautali. Mutha kupita kuzinthu zabwino m'moyo kapena kupanga ubale wabwino ndi ena komanso inu nokha mtsogolo.

Mutha kumverera ngati ndizovuta kulingaliranso moyo nokha kapena kuyambanso koma musadzivutitse nokha. Dziwani kuti ndizotheka kulimbana ndi kutha. N’kwachibadwa kudzimva wosokonezeka, wosoŵa chochita, wachisoni, wotaya mtima, ndi wazizindikiro. Lolani kuti mukhale ndi maganizo amenewo. Lirani momwe mungafunire. Tengani nthawi yochuluka momwe mukufunikira kuti muchiritse. Malangizo 11 awa angakuthandizeni pakuchita izi:

1. Mvetserani ndikuvomereza malingaliro anu

Ichi ndi sitepe yoyamba mu ndondomeko ya machiritso. Kuti achire pambuyo paubwenzi wautali kutha, muyenera kulola nokha kumva maganizo mukukumana nawo. Yesetsani kumvetsetsa, kusanthula ndi kupenda malingaliro anu. Lirani, fuulani, sonyezani mkwiyo - dzifotokozereni momwe mukumvera panthawiyo. Zonse zituluke.

Zindikirani mmene mukumvera ndipo pang’onopang’ono pezani njira zabwino zofotokozera zakukhosi kwanu. Sinkhasinkhani, limbitsani thupi pafupipafupi, lembani zakukhosi kwanu m'mabuku, lankhulani ndi mnzanu kapena wachibale, mverani nyimbo, onerani kanema kapena idyani chakudya chomwe mumakonda. Osadziimba mlandu chifukwa chomvera mmene mukumvera. Malingaliro anu ndi omveka, ndipo muyenera kuwakonza m'malo mowalola kukula mkati mwanu.

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2. Dalirani anzanu ndi achibale anu kuti akuthandizeni

Zingakhale zovuta kuganiza bwino kapena kufotokoza maganizo anu pambuyo pothetsa ubale wautali ndi munthu amene mumamukonda. “Pakali pano, kukhalapo kwa achibale, mabwenzi ndi okondedwa ndi dalitso.” Amapanga njira yochirikizira yamphamvu kwambiri imene mwina mungapemphe. Muzipeza nthawi yocheza nawo, kambiranani nawo mmene mukumvera,” anatero Juhi.

Iwo akhoza kumvetsera kwa inu, kukhala ngati chododometsa kukuthandizani kupirira ndi kupereka malangizo. Kutuluka ndi abwenzi kapena kuthera nthawi yocheza ndi banja kungakhale kolimbikitsa kwambiri ndipo kumapereka chisangalalo chotsatira kutha kwadzidzidzi mu ubale wautali. Magulu a anzathu komanso maunansi ochezera amathandizira kwambiri m'malingaliro athu, malingaliro athu, ndi thanzi lathu.

3. Yesani kudzisamalira

Anthu nthawi zambiri amasiya okha kutsatira kutha mwadzidzidzi mu ubale wautali. Yesetsani kupewa kuchita zimenezo. Yesetsani kudzisamalira. Sangalalani ndi zomwe mumakonda. Chitani zomwe mumakonda, kaya ndikuwonera kanema, kudya chakudya chomwe mumakonda, kudzisangalatsa pagawo la spa, kuwerenga buku kapena kumvetsera nyimbo. Samalani thupi lanu ndi Thanzi labwino. Mphindi zochepa zolimbitsa thupi, yoga, kusinkhasinkha kapena kuyenda pakati pa chilengedwe kumatha kukweza malingaliro anu ndi mzimu.

Kudzisamalira nokha kudzakulitsa chidaliro chanu, chomwe mwina ndi chomwe mukufunikira pakali pano. Pewani kuchita zinthu zomwe wokondedwa wanu ankakonda kapena nonse munasangalala kuchita limodzi.

4. Khalani ndi chizolowezi chatsopano

Malinga ndi Juhi, "Kubwereranso kuzinthu zomwe mumakonda kapena kutenga zatsopano ndi njira yabwino yopulumutsira pambuyo pa kutha kwa ubale kwa nthawi yayitali chifukwa zimakulepheretsani kunyalanyaza zonse zomwe zili mkati mwanu ndi zozungulira." Kodi mumakonda zotani? Ndi chinthu chiti chomwe mwakhala mukufuna kuchiphunzira? Tsopano ndi nthawi yabwino kuti mulowemo. Ndi njira yabwino yochepetsera malingaliro anu ku malingaliro oyipa ndikuyang'ana mbali yowala.

Kaya ndi masewera atsopano, zojambulajambula, kupalasa njinga, kuwerenga, kusewera zida zoimbira, kapena kuphunzira kuvina pansi pamadzi - kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi atsopano chotsani malingaliro anu pa kutha. Yesani mtundu watsopano wa tsitsi ngati mukufuna. Yendani padziko lonse lapansi. Yesani masewera osangalatsa. Tengani kalasi yapaintaneti. Phunzirani luso. Muli ndi nthawi yaulere m'manja komanso mutu wambiri wopanda munthu. Gwiritsani ntchito kwambiri.

5. Jambulani kukhudzana konse ndi mnzanu wakale

Juhi amalimbikitsa kuti muzitha kulumikizana ndi mnzanu wakale. Iye anati: “Kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene umamukonda n’kovuta kwambiri. Sitikunena kuti sikutheka kukhala cheza ndi mnzako wakale mutatha kupatukana koma zili bwino ngati simungathe kutero nthawi yomweyo. Ndi bwino kuchiritsa mtima wosweka kaye.

Tsekani nambala yawo, khalani kutali ndi malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, ndipo musayankhe mauthenga kapena kuyankha mafoni awo. Zitha kutumiza zizindikiro zosiyanasiyana ndikukupangitsani kukhala kovuta kuti mupitirize chifukwa, mwanjira ina, akadali gawo lalikulu la moyo wanu. Ngati ndi kutha patatha zaka 5 tikukhala limodzi kapena zochitika zambiri, ndiye kuti mutha kukhala ndi mabilu ndi zinthu zina zoti mukambirane. Kapena mungakhale olera limodzi ngati pali ana okhudzidwa. Zikatero, tikukulangizani kuti musamangokhalira kukambirana zofunikira ndikuzisunga mwachidule.

6. Ganizirani zomwe mukufuna kupita patsogolo

Juhi akufotokoza kuti: “Kutha mwadzidzidzi muubwenzi womwe utakhalapo kwa nthaŵi yaitali kumakupatsani mpata wodzisintha mwakuthupi, m’maganizo ndi mwauzimu. Dzifunseni nokha zimene mukufuna m’moyo kapena panthaŵiyo.

Kutha kwa ubale kwanthawi yayitali kumabweretsa kusokoneza kwathunthu kwa moyo womwe mudauzolowera. Muyenera kuphunzira kuyendetsa moyo popanda kukhala ndi mnzanu. Muyenera kudziwa kuti ndinu ndani komanso zomwe mukufuna nokha popanda kuziwona kudzera pagalasi la mnzanu. Kupatula apo, mumagawana ubale wofunikira kwambiri ndi inu nokha.

Pachibwenzi, anthu okwatirana nthawi zambiri amapanga zisankho zomwe zingawathandize ngati banja. Sitikunena kuti sizabwino koma popeza sunakwatire, mutha kusankha nokha malinga ndi zomwe mukufuna. Ngati simuli pamalo omveka bwino, dikirani kwakanthawi.

Dzipatseni masabata kapena miyezi ingapo musanapange chisankho chachikulu chokhudza moyo wanu. Kodi mukufuna kuyang'ana kwambiri ntchito yanu kapena kupuma pantchito ndikuchita zinthu zomwe mumakonda kuchita nthawi zonse? Mutha kukhala ndi mantha, tsogolo likhoza kuwoneka lopanda chiyembekezo koma yesani kuyang'ana pa sitepe yotsatira.

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7. Yesani chithandizo

Malinga ndi kunena kwa Juhi, chithandizo ndi imodzi mwa njira zothandiza kwambiri zochiritsira kutha kwadzidzidzi muubwenzi wanthaŵi yaitali. Iye anati: “Pali angapo ubwino wa uphungu. Ikhoza kukuthandizani kumvetsetsa ndi kuthana ndi malingaliro anu. Ochiritsa amagwiritsa ntchito njira zosiyanasiyana monga CBT, REBT ndi STAR therapy malingana ndi momwe munthu alili m'maganizo. Njirazi zimathandiza kuthetsa maganizo a munthu ndikuwapangitsa kuzindikira kuti ziribe kanthu zomwe akukumana nazo, ndizofunika. Moyo wawo ndi wamtengo wapatali.”

Kusamalira thanzi lanu lamalingaliro ndikofunikira pakadali pano. Kufunafuna chithandizo kapena kujowina gulu lothandizira kumatha kukhala kothandiza kwambiri m'malingaliro ndi malingaliro anu. Ngati muli mumkhalidwe womwewo ndikuyang'ana chithandizo, gulu la Bonobology la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito komanso ovomerezeka ndi akatswiri chabe. dinani kutali.

8. Khalani ndi chizoloŵezi cha tsiku ndi tsiku

Kulowa m'chizoloŵezi cha tsiku ndi tsiku kungawoneke ngati ntchito yovuta kutsatira kutha kwadzidzidzi mu ubale wautali. Koma zidzakuthandizani kuti mukhale ndi maganizo abwino. Zidzakupatsani malingaliro abata, okhazikika komanso okhazikika pakati pa chipwirikiti chomwe chikuchitika m'moyo wanu. Zikuthandizani kuti mukhale ndi mphamvu pazochitika zanu ndi moyo wanu.

Pangani ndondomeko yomwe imakuthandizani kudzuka tsiku lililonse. Onetsetsani kuti mumadya zakudya zanu zonse, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi nthawi zonse, kumwa madzi ambiri, kukwaniritsa zomwe mwalonjeza, khalani ndi nthawi yocheza ndi anzanu komanso achibale anu, ndikungochita chilichonse chomwe mumachita tsiku lililonse. Zitha kukhala zovuta poyamba koma zidzasintha thanzi lanu komanso malingaliro anu.

9. Pewani njira zochepetsera zovuta

Iyi ndi mfundo yofunika kwambiri kukumbukira pamene mukuchira pambuyo pa kutha kwa ubale wautali. Anthu nthawi zambiri amalephera kuwongolera momwe akumvera komanso kudzikonda panthawiyi ndikuthawira kunjira zosayenera monga kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kudzivulaza, kudya kwambiri, kusuta, kumwa mowa, kugwira ntchito mopitirira muyeso, ndi zina zambiri.

Kutengera njira zoipa ngati zimenezi kumangobweretsa mavuto ambiri. Itha kuwoneka ngati njira yabwino yothanirana ndi zowawa zakutha koma, m'kupita kwanthawi, mutha kukhala ndi vuto lazokonda, zomwe zimawonjezera zovuta zanu. Kuphatikiza apo, sizingakuthandizeni kuthana ndi malingaliro anu. Zimangochedwetsa machiritso, chifukwa chake kuli bwino kupeza njira zathanzi zochirikizira.

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10. Musamachite mantha kukumananso ndi chibwenzi

Kutha kwa nthawi yayitali kungakupangitseni kumva ngati simungathenso kukondana. Mungachite mantha kukhalanso ndi chibwenzi koma yesetsani kuti zimenezi zisakukhudzeni. Dziyikeni nokha kunja uko mukamva kuti mwakonzeka. Kuthetsa ubale wautali ndi munthu amene mumamukonda ndizovuta koma musalole kuti zikulepheretseni kuyambanso kukondana.

Osalumphira mmbuyo momwemo. Khalani ndi nthawi yomvetsa chisoni ubale womwe munataya koma dziwani kuti muyenera kupitiriza moyo wanu. Kugwa kapena a ubale wamba Poyamba kungakhale kwanzeru kuchitapo kanthu kusiyana ndi kukhala pachibwenzi chenicheni. Koma onetsetsani kuti mwatsegula nokha ku mwayi umenewo. Ndi chinthu chosiyana ngati mukumva kuti ndinu okhutira popanda mnzanu koma ngati sichoncho, lolani kukumana ndi anthu atsopano ndikukhala ndi zochitika zatsopano.

11. Phunzirani pamene banja linatha

Chokumana nacho chilichonse m'moyo chimatiphunzitsa kanthu. Zingawoneke ngati chinthu chovuta kuchita koma yesani kuyang'ana mmbuyo pa ubale wanu ndikuwona ngati chinakuphunzitsani chinachake. Mwinamwake mudzazindikira zolakwa zomwe munapanga kapena mmene ubwenzi wanu unalili woipa. Zingakuthandizeninso kumvetsetsa mtundu wa bwenzi lomwe mukufuna kupita patsogolo kapena zolinga zanu m'moyo. Mwina zingakuthandizeni kudziwa zomwe mukufuna mu ubale.

Yesetsani kuona nkhani yonseyo moyenera. Kuphunzira kuchokera ku zochitika zakale ndi gawo la machiritso. Ganizirani mbali zonse zabwino ndi zoipa za chiyanjano. Ndi machitidwe amtundu wanji omwe mungafune kusintha? Kodi pali chilichonse chomwe mwachita chomwe simukunyadira nacho? Kodi n'chiyani chinachititsa kuti banjali lithe? Dzifunseni mafunso awa koma musadziimbe mlandu pakuchita. Kumbukirani, lingaliro ndilakuti muchiritse ndi kukula, osati kukulitsa ululu wanu.

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Kutha mwadzidzidzi mu ubale wautali sikophweka kuthetsa. Juhi anati: “Kuthetsa banja kumapweteka kwambiri chifukwa anthu okwatirana amazolowerana kwambiri moti zimavuta kuganiza za moyo popanda wina ndi mnzake.” Kuyambiranso kumaoneka kukhala kovuta chifukwa kukumbukira za chibwenzicho ndiponso kaganizidwe kanu panthaŵi imeneyi sizimakulolani kuganiza moyenerera.

Komabe, kupita patsogolo ndi kuyambanso zinthu sizosatheka. Aliyense payekha amalimbana ndi kusweka mtima mosiyana ndipo amasankha kuchiritsa mwa njira yawoyawo. Ganizirani zomwe zimakuthandizani ndikuchita zomwe mukuwona kuti ndi zolondola. Dziwani ndikukhulupirira kuti muthana ndi izi ndikusintha kukhala mtundu wabwinoko wa inu nokha.

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