Ganizirani za moyo ngati thambo la usiku. Mwezi wa silvery ndi ubale wanu, ndipo nyenyezi zomwe zikuwomba mozungulira ndizo makhalidwe a ubale wabwino umene umapangitsa moyo kukhala wosangalatsa. Mwezi ungawoneke wosakwanira popanda nyenyezi, momwemonso ubale wanu ngati ulibe makhalidwe 15 omwe ali pansipa.
Chifukwa chake owerenga ambiri amalembera ku Bonobology kufunsa kalozera kakang'ono ku mbali zokongola zaubwenzi wachikondi. Aliyense amakonda kawonedwe koyang'ana zabwino. Chabwino, ife tiri nazo izo. Mukhoza kuyang'ana makhalidwe amenewa monga zowonjezera chikondi. Kodi ubale wanu umayang'ana mabokosi awa? Ngati sichoncho, musadandaule. Tikukuuzaninso momwe mungakulire.
Mwa ife, ndikutanthauza ndekha komanso katswiri yemwe ali m'bwalo lero - mlangizi Manjari Saboo (Masters in Applied Psychology and Post-Graduate Diploma in Family Therapy and Child Care Counseling), yemwe anayambitsa Maitree Counselling, ntchito yodzipereka kuti mabanja ndi ana azikhala bwino.
Manjari ali pano ndi zowonera pang'ono ndi ndemanga zomveka bwino pa nyenyezi zomwe zimawala bwino m'moyo wathu - makhalidwe a bwenzi labwino lomwe limapangitsa moyo kukhala wosangalala.
Kodi Ubale Wabwino Uyenera Kukhala Wotani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
M'mawu amodzi - wokondwa. Ubwenzi wabwino uyenera kupangitsa kuti ukhale wotetezeka, wachimwemwe, ndi wokhutira. Koma ndithudi, izi sizingatheke nthawi zonse. Ubale uliwonse umadutsa m'masiku ake amvula (ndi mikuntho) koma a ubale wolimba ndi wathanzi zimakupangitsani kukhala osangalala nthawi zambiri.
Ndiloleni ndifotokoze motere: ubale wabwino umapanga mtengo kuchokera kwa inu. Zimakuzika pansi ndikukulolani kuti mukule mmwamba. Palibe njira yokhazikitsidwa yopangira ubale womwe ungakupangitseni kukhala mtengo wabwino. Pali mabiliyoni a anthu, mabiliyoni amitundu yachikondi, ndi mabiliyoni amitundumitundu yamaubwenzi. Koma zomwe tingachite ndikukupatsani malangizo omwe akuwoneka kuti akugwira ntchito kwa anthu ambiri kunja uko.
Izi sizikufuna zambiri kwa inu. Zimangokupemphani kuti mukhale munthu wachifundo. Mwaona, anthu athanzi amapanga maubwenzi abwino. Kudzitukumula kwina ndikudziwonera nokha kuyenera kukuyikani panjira yoyenera. Makhalidwe 15 a ubale wabwino omwe atchulidwa apa ndi kampasi yanu.
Ndichiyembekezo changa kuti mupeza makiyi angapo omwe akugwirizana ndi inu. Izi zidzakuthandizani kupeza yankho ku zomwe zimatanthawuza ubale wabwino (chifukwa tonse tiyenera kupanga matanthauzo athu tokha). Apa tikuyamba ndi makhalidwe a ubale wabwino, aka, zizindikiro za ubale wokhalitsa.
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Makhalidwe 15 a Ubale Wabwino Womwe Umapangitsa Moyo Kukhala Wachimwemwe
Chinthu choyamba Manjari akufotokoza kuti palibe formula. Imodzi kuphatikiza imodzi ndi ziwiri ndipo haidrojeni ndi okosijeni zimapanga madzi, koma palibe zosakaniza zomwe zingabwere pamodzi kuti zipange ubale wabwino nthawi zonse. Iye anati: “Mukafuna kukonza zinthu zimene zingakuthandizeni kuti muzisangalala komanso muzikondana, mudzakhumudwa.
Izi zikunenedwa, pali mikhalidwe yochepa yomwe ingakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa zomwe zimapanga ubale wabwino udzatha. Kenako mutha kuwongolera ndikuzigwiritsa ntchito mwanjira yanu! Tiyeni tione makhalidwe okondeka awa a anthu omwe ali paubwenzi wabwino, ndikuyankha funso – kodi ubale wabwino uyenera kukhala wotani?
1. Ma C awiri - Kusamalira ndi kunyengerera
Manjari anati: “Chizindikiro cha maunansi abwino ndicho kusonyezana chikondi mwa nkhaŵa. Iwo saona kuti ali ndi udindo wochita zimenezi chifukwa chowakonda, osati ntchito yawo kapena kudzipereka kwawo.”
Mafunso a tsiku ndi tsiku monga 'kodi munadyako nkhomaliro?' kapena 'tsiku lanu linali bwanji?' zikuwoneka ngati zosafunika, koma kwenikweni zamtengo wapatali. Othandizana nawo omwe ali ndi nkhawa chifukwa cha moyo wabwino wa ena akuwonetsa zizindikiro za kulumikizana kolimba koyendetsedwa ndi kufunikira koteteza wokondedwa wawo.
Momwemonso, kunyengerera pazomwe mukufunadi kuti mukhale ndi chisangalalo cha bwenzi lanu kapena chibwenzi ndi chizindikiro chabwino cha chikondi chopanda malire. Palibe ubale womwe ungathe kukhazikika popanda kunyengerera. Chomwe chimapangitsa moyo kukhala wosangalatsa ndi kufunitsitsa kwathu kudzimana pang'ono chifukwa cha omwe timawakonda. Nsembe izi ndi zizindikiro kuti ubale wanu udzakhalapo mpaka kalekale.
2. Kukhala ndi nthabwala zabwino ndi khalidwe la unansi wabwino
Agnes Repplier analemba kuti: “Sitingakondedi munthu amene sitimuseka.” Sindinathe kuvomereza zambiri ndi izi. Kuchita nthabwala kumachita zinthu ziwiri: a) kumapangitsa kuti moyo ukhale wovuta, ndipo b) umathandizira kulumikizana pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu. Fupa loseketsa pakati pa anthu awiri ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoyambirira za ubale wabwino.
Kuseka limodzi ndi masewera olimbitsa thupi omwe maanja ayenera kuchita pafupipafupi. Tengani Blake Lively ndi Ryan Reynolds mwachitsanzo. Kukoka mwendo, kuseka, ndi chisangalalo chambiri ndizowona. Kuseketsa kumakulitsa mzimu wokonda masewera m'mabanja. Zimapangitsanso ubale ndi ubwenzi zomwe zili zofunika kwambiri kuti ubale ukhale wopambana.
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3. Njira ziwiri zokhulupirira
Pafupifupi mawebusayiti a zillion amalankhula za kufunika kokhulupirira, ndipo ndikudziwa kuti mwatopa kuzimva. Koma kukhulupirirana n’kumene kumatanthauza ubwenzi wabwino. Chikondi chimamasula m'chilengedwe chifukwa chimayika chikhulupiriro mwa anthu. Timamva kuti tili ndi mphamvu zochitira zinthu chifukwa cha chikhulupiriro chimene anzathu amaika mwa ife.
Manjari akufotokoza momwe kukhulupirirana kungapangitsire moyo kukhala wosalira zambiri. “Kuzembera bwenzi lako lachibwenzi kapena bwenzi lako, kungonyalanyaza zonse zimene akunena, ndi ‘kuwayang’anira’ n’kotopetsa kwambiri ndipo (mosafunikira) n’kodabwitsa. machitidwe opangira chikhulupiriro zomwe zingachite zodabwitsa paubwenzi wanu. Ndi bwino kudalira ndi kudalirika; zimakupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu otetezeka.”
4. Kodi ubwenzi wabwino umatanthauza chiyani? Ulemu wambiri
Mkwiyo kapena kusemphana maganizo sikuli chifukwa chochitira kusalemekezana. Ndipo chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri paubwenzi wabwino ndikulemekeza bwenzi lanu chifukwa cha momwe alili. Anthu omwe ali ndi maubwenzi abwino samachititsa manyazi theka lawo labwino kapena kuwapangitsa kudzimva ngati osakwanira.
Chowonjezera cha izi ndi kulemekeza malire awo ndi malo aumwini. Ndikudziwa kuti zosowa za mnzanuyo sizingafanane ndi inu nthawi zonse, ndikuti izi zili bwino. Phoebe Buffay atha kuwoneka ngati wabodza pazisankho zake, koma Mike Hannigan samanenapo mawu onyoza. Makolo ake angakane makhalidwe ake, koma iye amawatsutsa.
5. Chisamaliro chosagawanika
Imodzi mwa njira zabwino zomvetsetsa izi ndikuganizira chitsanzo cha Manjari; “Pamene okwatirana achita khama lolimbikira kuti apitirizebe kudalirana m’moyo wa wina ndi mnzake, amayandikirana kwambiri chifukwa chakuti amaloŵetsedwamo.
Chinsinsi chotenga nawo mbali ndikubwereketsa wokondedwa wanu khutu lachidwi. Monga momwe Paul Tillich adalembera, "Ntchito yoyamba ya chikondi ndiyo kumvetsera." Ubale wabwino ndi womwe umachoka pa Instagram ndikumvera zomwe mnzanu akulankhula.
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6. Ubwenzi ndi chikondi ndi makhalidwe a unansi wabwino
Panopa pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya ubwenzi wapamtima ndiponso njira zosiyanasiyana zosonyezera chikondi. Zonsezi ndi zizindikiro za ubale wabwino. Banja lirilonse liri ndi chinenero chake chachikondi. Ena ndi osungika; ena ndi okhudza mtima kwambiri. Koma chofunika kwambiri ndicho kusonyeza chikondi chawo m’njira zosiyanasiyana.
The kuyanjana kwa kugonana mu ubale wabwino uli pa mfundo, ndipo pali malire abwino pa kuvomereza. 'Ayi' pogonana satengedwa mwa inu nokha (kapena mwamakani) ndipo asing'anga onse amafufuzidwa mogwirizana. Kukhala ndi moyo wogonana wokangalika, komanso kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu yemwe amamukonda ndi chisangalalo chokha!
7. Kumvera chisoni wokondedwa wanu
Mawu apamwamba kwambiri akuti 'kukoma mtima ndi kwaulere' amagwiranso ntchito pa maubwenzi. Chifundo ndi chifundo ziyenera kufalikira kwa okondedwa anu. Chimene chimatanthauza unansi wabwino ndicho kumvetsetsa osati kokha zosoŵa ndi zokhumba komanso zolakwa ndi zolakwa. Anthu athanzi nthawi zonse amavomereza kupanda ungwiro kwa anzawo. Zonsezi ndi zizindikiro za ubale wokhalitsa.
Wokondedwa yemwe ali ndi kuthekera kodziyika okha mu nsapato zanu ndi dalitso. Sasungira chakukhosi ndipo amakhululukira mwachibadwa. Ubale wamphamvu umadziwika ndi kusakhalapo kwa kuyatsa gasi ndi kusintha. Palibe maulendo olakwa kapena kuchita zachinyengo chifukwa mnzanuyo ali pamwamba pa zonsezi.
8. Maziko a ubwenzi ndi makhalidwe a ubale wabwino
Jake Peralta ndi Amy Santiago, David Rose ndi Patrick Brewer, kapena kuposa Harry ndi Sally. Zonsezi ndi zitsanzo za maubwenzi omwe adakula mu ubale. Ndimakhulupirira kuti okwatirana amene ali ndi maziko olimba a ubwenzi amakhala ndi chidziwitso. Asanasangalale wina ndi mnzake, amakhala ndi lingaliro loyenera la wokondedwa wawo.
Manjari anavomereza kuti: “Ubwenzi n’ngosangalatsa kwambiri. Chomwe chimapangitsa kuti ubale wabwino ukhale wokhalitsa ndikukhala bwenzi la wokondedwa wanu.
9. Kudzipereka ku tsogolo
Nditha kuona ena mwa inu mukuseka mawuwa mwamantha 'kudzipereka.' Palibe amene akukufunsani kuti 'ine ndikutero', chonde pumulani. Zomwe tikunena ndizakuti ubale wabwino nthawi zambiri umalunjika ku chinthu chachitali. Onse awiri amawonana muzokonzekera zamtsogolo. Sangakhale ndi chithunzi chotsimikizika, koma chojambula choyipa chimaphatikizapo ubale.
Izi zimapangitsa moyo kukhala wokongola chifukwa, pakati pa kusatsimikizika konseku, muli ndi ubale wokhazikika. Kutsimikizika kumeneku ndi gwero la chitonthozo. Cholinga chowonera mtsogolo pamodzi ndikupangitsa kudzimva kuti ndinu okondedwa. Kwa ine, izi ndizomwe zimatanthauzira ubale wabwino.
10. Kulankhulana kwatanthauzo
Kupatula kugawana tsiku ndi tsiku, imodzi mwamakhalidwe a bwenzi labwino ndi luso lawo kulankhulana kwatanthauzo. Izi zimathandiza kukhala ndi chitonthozo pogawana malingaliro ndi malingaliro momasuka ndi mnzanu. Palibe kusunga chakukhosi kapena kutsekereza mkwiyo. Ngakhale ndewu zimathetsedwa mokhwima.
Manjari anafotokoza mfundo yofunika kwambiri yakuti: “Okwatirana akamamenyana, maganizo awo amasintha.” Mkhalidwewo umasonyeza mmene akumvera.
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11. Kukhala woyamikira ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoyambirira za ubale wabwino
Kuyamikira, ndi kuyamikira ndi mbali zofunika kwambiri za ubale wabwino. Tonse timakonda kugunda pamsana kwathu komwe kumatipititsa patsogolo. Othandizana omwe amalimbikitsana ndi okoma kuwona. Amazindikira ndikuthokoza chifukwa cha manja omwe winayo akupanga. Kaya kusangalalira kapena mawu ochepa olimbikitsa, kuyamikira kumapita kutali.
Kuwonjezera pa zimenezi, Manjari akufotokoza kuti: “Palibe amene angachite bwino akamadzudzulidwa nthawi zonse.” Popeza kuti maunansi abwino amayamikiridwa kwambiri, anthu amakula bwino.
12. Kuona mtima m’zochita ndi kumene kumatanthawuza ubale wabwino
Izi zili pamphuno, ndipo aliyense amadziwa momwe kuwonekera ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zabwino kwambiri za ubale wabwino. Koma zimatengera kubwereza chifukwa pali zigawo zambiri za kukhulupirika. Muli ndi kukhulupirika pakukhala nokha ndikuchita nokha mu ubale popanda zonyenga. Ndiye pali kuona mtima kwenikweni kwa kusamanamizana. Ndipo potsiriza, muli ndi kuwona mtima polankhula malingaliro anu.
Onse atatu ndi ofunikira, ndipo onse atatu amapangitsa moyo kukhala wokongola. Kunena zoona ndi chizindikiro chakuti timalemekeza anthu amene timakwatirana nawo. Ndi njira yopewera kusatetezeka mu ubale wanu. Komanso ndi chizindikiro cha kukhulupirika ndi kuchita zinthu mwachikumbumtima. Chifukwa anthu nthawi zonse angakonde kukwiyira chowonadi, m'malo mokwiyira wabodza…
13. Kukhulupirika (motengeka ndi kugonana)
Palibe kunena kuti kunyenga mnzako ndi NO. Kunyengedwa zimakhala ndi zotsatira zokhalitsa, ndipo ubale wolimba ndi wathanzi suwona milandu ya kusakhulupirika, kaya ndi maganizo kapena thupi. Inde, chinyengo chamalingaliro ndi chinthu chenicheni. Ndipo ndi zoipa chimodzimodzi. Kodi ubale wabwino uyenera kukhala wotani, mukufunsa?
Mosonkhezeredwa ndi kukhulupirirana ndi kuona mtima, kukhulupirika kuli pakati pa mikhalidwe yabwino kwambiri ya unansi wabwino. Ngakhale wina atayamba zibwenzi ndi munthu amene ali paubwenzi wabwino ndi wotetezeka, amakana mwamphamvu. Palibe mnzawo amene amada nkhawa kuti aperekedwa chifukwa ali otetezeka kwambiri mu ubale wawo. Kukhulupirika ndi kudzipereka ndi zizindikiro kuti ubale wanu udzakhalapo mpaka kalekale.
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14. Kudziyimira pawokha kwa zibwenzi
Ah, kudziyimira pawokha ndi kudziyimira pawokha ndi mawonekedwe a ubale wabwino. Munthu aliyense akamatsogolera moyo wake kunja kwa chiyanjano, samasokonezana. Mabwenzi, zokonda, zokhumba zake, ndi zochita zake zimawapangitsa kukhala otanganidwa. Izi zikutanthauza kuti mabwenzi sali kumamatira kapena kukhudzidwa kwambiri ndi wina ndi mzake. Kukhalabe ndi moyo wosiyana ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoyambirira za ubale wabwino.
Pofotokoza momveka bwino, a Manjari akuti, “ndizosangalatsa kukhala ndi moyo wako kunja kwa chibwenzi chako, ukhoza kubwera kunyumba kwa wokondedwa wako tsiku lililonse, koma masiku omwe palibe sumamva kuti ndiwe wotayika.
15. Kusasinthasintha m’chikondi ndiko kumapangitsa unansi wabwino kukhala wokhalitsa
Maubwenzi olimba samawona magawo akungobwerezabwereza. Ndewu? Inde. Mikangano? Inde. Mazana akusweka ndi melodrama? Ayi. Ubwenzi wabwino umakhala wosasinthasintha. Othandizana nawo aganiza zokhalira limodzi ndipo ndizomwe amachita.
Ndizosangalatsa kuwona anthu awiri omwe adasanjidwa bwino m'mutu mwawo. Amawona mikangano ngati gawo la ubale ndipo amawatengera mutu. Malingaliro awo sasintha ndipo samasiyanitsa pakati pa chilakolako chonyansa ndi chidani chobwezera. Kusasinthasintha ndikofunikira, ndipo chimodzi mwazizindikiro kuti ubale wanu udzakhalapo mpaka kalekale.
Ndi mndandanda wodabwitsa bwanji, chabwino? Kodi mumawona makhalidwe amenewa mu ubale wanu? Chabwino, ine ndikuyembekeza inu munatero, ndipo ine ndikuyembekeza inu nthawizonse mumatero. Nyenyezi za m'miyoyo yathu izi zidzawala bwino ngati mupitirizabe kuchita khama. Tikukufunirani zabwino paulendo wanu kuti mupange ubale wabwino!
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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
