Umu ndi Momwe Kukhala Olimba Mu Ubale Kungathe Kuwononga

Maubwenzi okondana atha kukhala ovuta kuwongolera, makamaka poyambira pamene mwatanganidwa kwambiri ndi kuthamangira kwachikondi ndikupezabe nyimbo yolumikizana. Ambiri aife, ngakhale mosadziwa, timalakwitsa kukhala okonda kwambiri kapena osowa. Komabe, muyenera kuzindikira chizoloŵezicho ndikuchigwedeza chifukwa kukhala pachibwenzi nthawi zambiri kumakhala njira yofulumira kwambiri yowonongera.

Ubale uliwonse umafunika kukhala ndi malo abwino kuti ukhale wabwino. Simungathe kuyembekezera kuti mnzanuyo asangalale kulankhula nanu ngati atenga foni yawo ndikuwona mauthenga ambiri ochokera kwa inu, chifukwa chakuti anali otanganidwa kwa theka la tsiku.

Ngakhale mutadziwa zoopsa zokhala ndi zosowa zambiri muubwenzi, mwina mwagwa mumsampha wa nsanje, milandu komanso kufunsa mnzanu nthawi zonse. Kuti tikuthandizeni kuthana ndi malingaliro owononga awa, tidalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed) yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu waukwati ndi mabanja.

Zomwe Zimayambitsa Kukangana Paubwenzi

Momwe anthu amachitira ndi maubwenzi okondana nthawi zambiri amakhala kukulitsa mikhalidwe ndi zizolowezi zina zomwe sangazidziwe. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ena a ife nthawi zonse timapanga zisankho zabwino m'maubwenzi athu pomwe ena amachoka pamavuto ena kupita kwina. Chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri pakuweruza kuthekera kwa munthu kuthana ndi maubwenzi bwino ndi momwe amachitira ndi dichotomy ya ubwenzi ndi malo aumwini.

Gopa Khan akutiuza chifukwa chomwe chingayambitse munthu kukhala wokakamira, komanso momwe zingawonongere ubale. "Munthu akakhala wokakamira muubwenzi, nthawi zambiri zimakhala chifukwa chakuti amakhala wosatetezeka kuyambira ali mwana. Ndipo kusadzidalira kwawo kumachokera ku ubale wosakhazikika ndi osamalira awo oyamba. Ngati kholo loyamba silikupezeka, zimapangitsa kuti wina akhale wosadzidalira."

"Munthu wosadzidalira nthawi zonse amakhala munthu wokakamira." Nthawi zina timawona anthu akukula, koma ngati ubalewo sunakonzedwe, khalidweli limapitirirabe. Ndili ndi kasitomala yemwe ali wachinyamata, ndipo ali ndi ubale woipa kwambiri ndi makolo ake. Zotsatira zake, nthawi zonse akalowa m'maubwenzi, amalowa m'mabwenzi osagwirizana. Amamvetsetsa kuti tsopano, koma kusowa kofunikira sikungakhale kofunikira nthawi zonse. chovuta,” akutero.

Ngati lingaliro lakuti mnzanu akufunika malo anuanu likupangitsani kuti musamamumvere, ndiye kuti kudzimva kuti ndinu wosatetezeka kungakhale chifukwa chake. Ngati titafufuza zomwe zimayambitsa kukondana muubwenzi, zimawonekeratu kuti njira zathu zokondana monga akuluakulu zimayendetsedwa ndi zokumbukira zathu zoyambirira za ubale womwe tinkagawana ndi makolo athu.

Chifukwa chake, aliyense amene adakulira akudzimva kuti sakondedwa komanso osayamikiridwa ndi owasamalira awo oyamba adzakhala ndi nkhawa yayikulu komanso mantha osiyidwa. Khalidwe la Clingy limachokera ku zofooka zamalingaliro izi. Kukhala wokangamira pachibwenzi kumangokankhira mnzake kutali, ndipo munthu amagwidwa mumkhalidwe woipa wa chikhumbo ndi kutaya. Izi zimawonjezera mphamvu zawo zosafunikira komanso zokakamira.

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Zizindikiro Zosonyeza Kuti Mukukangamira Mu Ubale

Munthu amene ali ndi zikhoterero zaumphawi amalephera kumvetsa tanthauzo la ubale wokakamira. Nazi zizindikiro 10 zosonyeza kuti mukukakamira pachibwenzi:

• Mumada nkhawa kuti ali kuti ndipo chifukwa chiyani sakuyankha ngati pali pang'ono kuchedwa kulankhulana kuchokera pamenepo.
• Kusamva kwa iwo kwa maola angapo kukutumizani mu mantha mode. Mumaganiza kuti mwina ali pachiwopsezo kapena akusiyani.
• Ngakhale lingaliro loti mnzanuyo apite kokasangalala popanda inu kumakupangitsani kukwiya.
• Mumawafunsa, kufunsa mafunso ambiri, kufufuza komwe ali, ndiyeno, kutsimikizira akaunti yawo kuchokera ku gwero lachiwiri.
• Ngati simukukhutitsidwa ndi mayankho awo, simudzaganiza kawiri 'mwachisawawa' musanagwedezeke ndi ofesi yawo kapena kucheza komwe mumakonda kuti mutsimikizire.
• Mwachotsa abwenzi anu onse ndi maubwenzi ena pamoyo wanu. Mumapereka nthawi yanu yonse ndi chidwi kwa mnzanuyo.
• Zokonda zawo ndi zomwe amakonda zimakhalanso zanu. Mumayamba kutaya umunthu wanu.
• Kuyang'ana foni ya mnzanu, imelo ndi maakaunti azama media ndi 'zabwinobwino' muubwenzi wanu.
• Mukufuna kumangika nawo mosasamala kanthu komwe akupita.
• Mumadana ndi maubwenzi ena apamtima omwe mnzanu ali nawo, kaya ndi abwenzi, ogwira nawo ntchito kapena abale ndi makolo ndipo nthawi zambiri amakhala wansanje mu ubale wanu.

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa zizindikiro ndi kumene kumamatira kumachokera, ndi nthawi yoti muyankhe funso limene linakubweretsani pano poyamba. Kodi kukakamirana ndikoyipa mu ubale? Kodi kukhala woumirira kwambiri kungawononge ubale? Kodi chimachitika ndi chiyani m'maganizo mwa munthu yemwe ali pachibwenzi ndi munthu wokondana? Tiyeni tipeze zonse zomwe muyenera kudziwa.

Njira 7 Kukhala Olimba Muubwenzi Zitha Kusokoneza Moyo Wanu Wachikondi

Kukhala bwenzi lopambanitsa sikungakufikitseni patali pachibwenzi. Nthawi zina, njira zanu zosafunikira komanso zokakamira zidzasiya ena anu atatopa. Iwo akhoza kuzisiya izo, ziribe kanthu momwe iwo amakonda. Nazi njira 7 zokakamira pachibwenzi zomwe zingawononge moyo wanu wachikondi:

1. Ikhoza kupangitsa mnzanuyo kukayikira ngati mukugwirizana

Kuchita osowa ndi clingy ndi chiwonetsero cha kusatetezeka zomwe zingapangitse mnzanuyo kukayikira ngati muli ogwirizana mokwanira kuti mukhale ndi ubale wautali. Ngakhale maubwenzi amphamvu kwambiri amagwedezeka ndi machitidwewa. Izi zimakuyikani pachiwopsezo chosiyidwanso ndi wokondedwa wanu.

Polankhula pankhaniyi, Gopa anati “Ndili ndi makasitomala ambiri omwe ali ndi okwatirana okondana, amati tikufuna kuthawa ukwatiwu, ponena kuti sangathenso kupirira. Ndikukumbukira mwamuna wina akundiyimbira foni ndipo anati mkazi wake akumuyimbira foni ka 60 pa ola limodzi! Inde, zimawakhudza chifukwa zimakhala zovuta kwambiri.

"Pamapeto pake sizimangokhala funso logwirizana, limakhala funso lokhala ndi chipinda chopumira zero. Kumapeto kwa tsiku, abwenziwo akupuma mpweya, chifukwa nthawi zonse amakhala olemedwa ndi kukhala ndi katundu. Ubale umatha chifukwa palibe chipinda chopumira ndipo wokondedwayo amayamba kumva kuti akulephera," akuwonjezera.

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2. Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kutaya ulemu wanu

Mafunso anu obwerezabwereza, kufufuza, ndi kufufuza modzidzimutsa kumatumiza uthenga womveka bwino kwa wokondedwa wanu kuti simukuwakhulupirira. Kudzilungamitsa ndikudzifotokozera nokha pa sitepe iliyonse ya njira kungakhale kowononga kudzidalira kwa mnzanuyo. Mutha kudzimva kuti ndinu olakwa pazakhalidwe lanu ndikuyesera kudziwombola nokha mutakhala wokakamira koma kuwonongeka kwachitika.

3. Kukakamira kumanyansa

“Amuna amandiuza kuti amangozimitsa foni” akutero Gopa, pofotokoza mmene munthu wokondana angapitirire kutali ndi mnzake. “Mwamuna wina anandiuza kuti mkazi wake anakwiya kwambiri chifukwa chakuti anachedwa ndi mphindi 30 kuchokera ku ofesi, iye anali kugunditsa mutu wake pakhoma.” Inde, panalinso kusokonezeka kwa umunthu kogwirizana ndi zimenezo, komabe ndi nkhani yaikulu ya kusadzisungika komwe kunachititsidwa kukakamira,” akuwonjezera motero.

"Chifukwa chakuti tikufuna kusunga munthu m'moyo wathu, timamumamatira, koma zosiyana ndi zimenezi zimachitika ndipo pamapeto pake timamuchotsa ," akutero Gopa.

"Kodi kukakamira kungawononge ubale?" sichikhalanso funso lokangana mukawona kuwonongeka komwe kumayambitsa. Kukhala womamatira ndi kuyesetsa kugwira mwamphamvu kwa wokondedwa nthawi zambiri kumakankhira kutali. Zili ngati kuyesa kugwira mchenga, pamene mukugwira mwamphamvu, m'pamenenso umatuluka mofulumira m'manja mwanu.

Khalidwe lanu losauka komanso lokakamira likhala chizolowezi chobwerezabwereza, ngakhale manja anu okoma adzalephera kusungunula ayezi. Izi ndichifukwa choti mnzanuyo amakhala ndi kuzindikira kosalekeza kuti simukuwakhulupirira ndipo akuyamba kuwona zotulukapo zanu ngati mawonekedwe chabe.

4. Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kusiya kusankha kukukondani

Kugwa m'chikondi kungakhale kochitika, koma kukhalabe m'chikondi ndi chisankho chomwe mumapanga tsiku lililonse. Kusankha kukhala kapena kuchoka nthawi zonse kumakhala kotseguka muubwenzi, ndipo anthu awiri amalimbitsa mgwirizano wawo posankha kukhala limodzi, tsiku ndi tsiku. Komabe, pokhala wokangamira pachibwenzi, mumapatsa mnzanuyo chifukwa chomveka choganiziranso chisankhocho.

Ngati mumayesa nthawi zonse kudzipereka kwa wokondedwa wanu kwa inu, pamapeto pake idzafika nthawi yomwe iwo adzawotchedwa. Ziribe kanthu kuti chikondi chanu ndi champhamvu chotani, zoyambira zakukhulupirirana, chinsinsi ndi ulemu ziyenera kutsatiridwa.

5. Nsanje ndiyowopsa pachibwenzi

"Kodi kukhala womangika kwambiri kungawononge ubale? Inde, ndithudi. Okwatirana omangika kwambiri safuna kuti okwatirana awo akhale ndi anzawo a amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Sakonda kuti okwatirana awo azipita kutchuthi paokha, simungathe ngakhale kukhala ndi madzulo ndi anzanu," akutero Gopa, ponena za momwe kumangongika kwambiri nthawi zambiri kungapangitse okwatirana kukhala ndi nsanje nthawi zonse komanso kuda nkhawa ndi kusakhulupirika.

“Ndinali ndi kasitomala kalelo yemwe ankapita kukakhala mu ofesi ya mwamuna chifukwa anali wosatetezeka moti akulankhula ndi mkazi,” akuwonjezera motero.

Khalidwe la Clingy limabwera chifukwa cha kusatetezeka koma posakhalitsa limatha kukhala nsanje, ndipo izi zitha kukhala zowononga pachibwenzi. Nsanje ndi malingaliro opanda nzeru ndipo angakupangitseni kunena ndi kuchita zinthu zokhumudwitsa. Mutha kukakamizidwa kuwonetsa umwini pa mnzanu chifukwa cha malingaliro oyipa awa. Izi zitha kumveka ngati imfa paubwenzi wanu ngati sichikuchitidwa moyenera komanso mwachangu.

6. Maloto anu oipa kwambiri angakwaniritsidwe: Kusakhulupirika

Munthu akhoza kukankhidwira m'mphepete ngati kukhulupirika kwake kumayesedwa ndikufunsidwa mobwerezabwereza. Iwo angadutse mzere wa kukhulupirika. Pamene mnzawo wokakamira amakhala ndi nkhawa nthawi zonse kuti mnzakeyo ndi wosakhulupirika kwa iwo, nthawi zambiri amakhala pampando,

Ngakhale palibe chowiringula kwa kusakhulupirika mu ubwenzi ngati mnzanuyo kukathera kubera pa inu ndiyeno amadzudzula pa kudandaula wanu mosalekeza, ndi maloto anu oyipitsitsa akukwaniritsidwa. Izi zitha kuwononga kwambiri ubale womwe maanja ambiri samayambiranso.

7. Kutalikirana kumayambika muubwenzi wanu

Ngati mnzawo m'modzi akukangamirana muubwenzi, angachititse winayo kumva kuti akumuyang'ana kwambiri. Mnzawoyo akhoza kukhala kutali ndi wina chifukwa cha kufunikira kokhala pamodzi ndikukhala maso nthawi zonse. Angasankhe kusiya chibwenzicho kuti angopumira.

Kuti mumve zambiri zamakanema akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.

Phunzirani Kusiya Kukhazikika Kwanu

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa kuti pali yankho limodzi lokha loti “Ndikukangamira pachibwenzi”, muyenera kuphunziranso kuyesa kusiya kukayikira ngati izi. "Ndakhala ndikupempha anthu kuti achotse Instagram ndi Facebook, m'mafoni awo, chifukwa sangathe kusiya kuzembera abwenzi awo ndikuwaimbira foni kangapo 60. Nthawi zina, tinkafunikanso kumata chinachake pa foni yawo kuti tiwalepheretse kuyimbira wokondedwa wawo," akutero Gopa, akutiuza momwe zingakhalire zovuta kulamulira zochita mopupuluma zomwe anthu nthawi zambiri amabwerera.

“Mungathenso kumuuza mnzanuyo kuti amuikire malire, ndi kuwauza kuti asakayimbe foni ngati ikuvuta.” Nthawi zina tazindikiranso kuti mnzanu amangovomereza mafoni awiri okha, ndipo sangasangalalenso ndi khalidwe loumirira,” anawonjezera.

Gopa akutiuza njira zingapo zothana ndi kukakamira kuchokera ku mizu. “Kupereka uphungu kosalekeza ndi njira imodzi yochitira zimenezo, ndi mmenenso kumagwirira ntchito pa nkhani za kudzidalira kwawo ndi kugwiritsira ntchito mmene munthu ameneyu amadziwonera kukhala wofunika.” Kuthetsa choyambitsa chachikulu, ndiko kuti, unansi woyambirira ndi banja lawo, kaŵirikaŵiri kungathandize kwambiri munthu wosadzidalira.

"Kaya ubale woyamba unali wotani umene unayambitsa kusatetezeka, ngati ubale umenewo ukhoza kuchiritsidwa ndi kugwiritsiridwa ntchito, ungathandize kuti zinthu zikhale bwino. Potsirizira pake, zonse zimatha malinga ndi kufunitsitsa kwa munthuyo," akumaliza.

Ubwenzi umakhazikika pa kukhulupirirana, chikondi ndi kulemekezana. Kukhala ndi ganizo lopanda chitetezo ndi kukhala wosatetezeka ndi zinthu ziwiri zosiyana kwambiri. Zotsirizirazi zingapangitse ubale kukhala chilombo chaudani, chosasangalala. Choncho, vomerezani kuti khalidwe lanu losauka komanso lokakamira ndilovuta, kambiranani moona mtima ndi mnzanuyo, pezani chithandizo chomwe mukufunikira kuti muthe kusiya zolemetsa zakale.

Ngati mukuvutika ndi nkhawa kapena mwadzipeza kuti ndinu mnzanu wokonda kukuthandizani, Bonobology ili ndi akatswiri ambiri odziwa bwino ntchito omwe ali okonzeka kukuthandizani kudutsa nthawi yovutayi m'moyo wanu, kuphatikizapo Gopa Khan mwiniwake.

Ibibazo

Zizindikiro 10 Kuti Ndiwe Bwenzi la Clingy

Zizindikiro 15 Kuti Mukukhala Bwenzi Labwino

Zizindikiro 9 Ndiwe Vuto Mu Ubwenzi Wanu

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.