Kodi kukopana kosayenera ndi chiyani mukakhala m'banja? Ili ndi funso lomwe limayankhidwa mosiyana ndi aliyense. Ngakhale kuti akazi ena ali bwino ndi amuna awo mwachibadwa kusangalatsa kulowa m'chipinda chilichonse, ena safuna n'komwe kuti asinthane zokondweretsa ndi akazi ena. Ukwati uli pamphambano za kukopana kopanda vuto. Ndi zolondola kapena ayi? Ndipo zili bwino bwanji?
Wowerenga wina anatifunsa funso lofunika kwambiri pankhaniyi ndipo tinabweretsa katswiri kuti ayankhe funsoli kwa iye ndi kwa ife tonse. Katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso mphunzitsi wodziwa bwino ntchito za moyo, Deepak Kashyap (Masters in Psychology of Education), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani zosiyanasiyana zaumoyo wamaganizo, kuphatikizapo LGBTQ ndi uphungu wachinsinsi, amatithandiza kumvetsetsa zomwe kukopana kosayenera kumatanthauza tikakwatirana.
N'chifukwa Chiyani Amuna Okwatirana Amakonda Kukopana?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Q: Mwamuna wanga ali ndi diso losangalala ndipo amaziwonetsera nthawi zonse tikatuluka kapena kukhala ndi kampani. Ngakhale kuti kukopana kochuluka n’kovomerezeka kwa ine, sindimakonda akakhala nthawi yaitali paphwando ndi mtsikana kapena kutsamira kuti alankhule naye. Kusangalatsa gulu la akazi kuli bwino ndi ine, koma kukhala okwatiwa komanso kukopana ngati munthu ndi m'modzi si chinthu chomwe ndimakhala nacho. Kodi ndimakhala wokhumudwa?
Kuchokera kwa katswiri:
Yankho: Zikomo chifukwa cha funso lanu lero. Ndiloleni ndikupatseni chidziwitso pang'ono cha chifukwa chake anthu amakonda kukopana akakwatirana. Kukopana mokakamiza, ngati ndicho chimene mwamuna wanu akusonyeza, ndi chizindikiro chakuti munthuyo sakumva 'kokwanira' ndipo akufuna kukondedwa ndi anthu ambiri, makamaka amene amamukonda.
Kukopana ndi njira ya anthu athu yopezerana kuti athe kutsatira mgwirizano wa kugonana kapena chikondi. Ndi njira yodziwira kuyanjana kwa kugonana . Komabe, kwa anthu ambiri, njirayi yokha ndi yosangalatsa kwambiri. Sangafune kupitiliza njira ina kuposa chilimbikitso chomwe amapeza akamakopekanso.
Pamene wina amakulolani kukopana nawo ndi/kapena kukopana mmbuyo, munthu ameneyo mosalunjika ndi subconsciously kusankha kukhala wapamtima maganizo malo ndi inu. Mu danga limenelo, onse a iwo amapangitsa wina ndi mzake kudzimva kuti ndi wofunika komanso wokhumbidwa pamagulu ambiri. Chidwi chachikondi ndi mphotho yapamwamba kwambiri yomwe ubongo wanu umakumana nayo popeza palibe chomwe chimati, "Ndiwe woyenera kukhalapo", monga kumwetulira kokopana ndi kuthwanima kwamanyazi m'maso mwa anthu awiri.
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Amuna okwatirana amene amakopana si chifukwa chenicheni chodetsa nkhaŵa, akutero katswiriyo
N’chifukwa chiyani akazi ndi amuna okwatiwa amakopana ndi anthu ena? Zambiri mwatsoka ndizongolankhula mwachisinthiko, zimatengera zatsopano komanso zosayembekezereka za munthu ndi mayankho ake. Amuna ndi akazi, kapena okwatirana omwe akhalapo kwa nthawi yayitali, nthawi zonse amadabwa kuti zinthu ndi mayankho amalosera mopweteka kwambiri. Kuonjezera apo, kusowa kwa maphunziro ogonana ndi maubwenzi kumatanthauza kuti sitiphunzira za momwe tingasungire wina ndi mzake chidwi pa maubwenzi a nthawi yaitali (LTRs).
Chifukwa chake, nkovuta kukopana ndi munthu yemwe mumamudziwa kwa zaka zambiri komanso yemwe wagawana nanu mbali zotopetsa, zapamtima komanso zosangalatsa za moyo wawo. N’chifukwa chake munthu angayambe kukopana popanda vuto lililonse. Nditafotokoza za kukopana, ndikufuna kunena kuti musamachite manyazi, komanso musachite manyazi kufotokoza izi ngati zodetsa nkhawa kwa mwamuna wanu m'njira zosaneneza zomwe okwatirana angapange.
Muuzeni maganizo anuanu okhudza kukopana kosayenera mukakhala m'banja ndipo muuzeni maganizo anu momasuka. Kulankhulana mmene mukumvera, kungamuthandize kuona khalidwe lake mwanjira ina ndipo akhoza kumvetsa bwino kuopsa kokopana ali m’banja. Pa nthawiyi, sitikudziwa ngati akudziwa za khalidwe lake komanso mmene zikukuvutitsani.
Lankhulani naye, kapena lemberani ngati mukuganiza kuti kulankhula kungakhale kovuta. Ponena za kukhala wokhumudwa, muyenera kudzikumbutsa kuti ndinu munthu wathunthu ndipo chisangalalo chanu chonse sichidalira mwamuna wanu ndi maso ake oyendayenda. Kumvetsetsa kumbali yanu komanso kulankhulana kosaneneza kungathandize kwambiri pankhaniyi. Zabwino zonse.
Kuopsa Kokopana Ukakwatiwa
Anthu ena amangosangalatsa mwanjira imeneyo. Amalowa m'chipinda ndipo simungachitire mwina koma kuganiza kuti, "Casanova!" Kwa anthu ena, kukongoletsa chipinda ndi kukopana kumabwera mwachibadwa. Ena amatha kuchita izi kuti asangalale ndi chidwi ndi kutsimikizika komwe kumadza nazo. Monga katswiri, Deepak Kashyap wathetsa kale zomwe zimayambitsa zina zomwe zimapangitsa kuti anthu azikwatirana koma akufuna kukopana, Bonobology idzachotsa pano ndikukuuzani pang'ono za kuopsa kokopana mukakwatirana.
Akazi okwatiwa amakopana kapena amuna okwatiwa amene amakopana ali ndi zifukwa zawo. Koma kodi zinthu zimenezo zingawononge bwanji ukwati wawo? Tiyeni tione.
1. Munayamba mwamvapo za kusakhulupirika m'maganizo?
Inde, kunyenga m'maganizo ndi chinthu chenicheni. Ndipo ngati simusamala poika malire, mnzanuyo akhoza kukhala akuchita zimenezo pamaso panu podzinamizira kuti 'akukopana popanda vuto'. Sakuchita chilichonse chomwe chimatanthauza kunyenga m'lingaliro lenileni la liwulo, koma ndikokwanira kudziwa kuti akuika ndalama zina m'maganizo mwawo.
Ngati mnzanuyo akukopana ali m'banja, zimangotenga mphindi zochepa kuti iwoloke mzere. N’chifukwa chake nthawi zonse n’kwabwino kukhazikitsa pachibwenzi chimene chili chosayenera kukopana mukakhala m’banja. Kodi mumajambula mzere wokhudza kukhudza? Kapena mukuganiza kuti kukopana pakona ndikovuta? Ganizirani za zonsezi chifukwa ngati simutero, mukhoza kungolola mnzanuyo kuti achoke ndi kunyenga maganizo.
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2. Zingapangitse anthu ena kuyamba kukweza nsidze
Ngati ndinu m'modzi mwamabanja omwe amapita kocheza nthawi zambiri ndipo amakhala ndi mbiri yowasamalira, ndiye kuti iyi ndi yanu. Kodi mukufunadi kuwonedwa ngati m'modzi mwa amuna kapena akazi omwe amafunikira kumangirira mnzawo nthawi iliyonse akatuluka? Nanga bwanji ngati tsiku lina likudutsa mzere ndipo mukukakamizika kupanga zochitika?
Kukhala ndi mwamuna wokongola kumakhala kosangalatsa koyamba. Koma ngati zibwerezabwereza, zimakhalanso zochititsa manyazi. Taganizirani izi. Wakwatira ndipo akungofuna kukopana ngati kuti palibe tsogolo. Ndipo kuwonjezera apo, mkaziyo akukondananso ndi mwamuna wanu . Zimenezi ziyenera kukupangitsani inu nonse kuoneka oipa.
3. Zidzapweteka wokondedwa winayo
Palibe zongoyerekeza apa. Ndizodziwikiratu kuti akazi okwatiwa kapena amuna okwatiwa amene amakopana nthawi zonse adzakhala ndi mkazi wosasangalala. Mwamuna kapena mkazi winayo akhoza kuzichotsa kangapo koyamba koma zidzasiya chipwirikiti muubwenzi wanu. Chifukwa chakuti ali chete tsopano, sizikutanthauza kuti sakuzizindikira.
Kodi mungadziwe bwanji kukopana kosayenera mukakwatirana? Chomwe chimafunika ndi momwe mnzanu winayo amachitira. Mnzanu winayo adzayamba kumva kuti simukumukondanso muubwenzi . Kodi ndizofunikadi?
Tikatero, timatha kuthetsa mavuto onse obwera chifukwa chokopana ndi ena mukakhala m’banja. Ngati inuyo kapena mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu mumachita zimenezi nthawi zambiri, tikukhulupirira kuti takupatsani zinazake zoti muganizire. Ayi, sitiganiza kuti kukopana ndi koipa. Timangoganiza kuti ziyenera kuchitidwa bwino mkati mwa malire ake.
Ibibazo
Kukhala m'banja ndi kukopana si kunyenga mwaukadaulo koma zimatha kulowa mumkhalidwe wachinyengo mwachangu. Wina angaganize kuti akungocheza ndi munthu wina ndikukhala ndi nthawi yabwino koma ngati kugwirizana kwamaganizo kukukula, zikhoza kuonedwa ngati chinyengo.
Zimenezo ziri moona mtima kwa okwatiranawo kusankha ndi kuyitana. Mabanja ena sagwirizana nazo ndipo si zachilendo kwa mkazi wokwatiwa kukopana ndi munthu wina. Mofananamo, ngakhale mwamuna atachita zimenezo, mkazi sayambitsa nkhani. Koma pali ngozi yoopsa yokopana m’banja n’chifukwa chake okwatirana ena amasankha kupeweratu.
Kukopana kuti mucheze bwino ndi chinthu chimodzi. Koma kukopana kumeneko kukayamba kukhala koopsa komanso kokhudza mtima, munthu akhoza kukhala akudutsa malire. Komanso, zinthu monga kukhudzana kwambiri zimaonedwa ngati kupitirira malire pamene mukukopana ndi munthu wina.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
Tolstoy analemba motero, 'palibe chimene chingapangitse kukhalapo kwathu, kapena miyoyo ya nzika zina, kukhala yosangalatsa koposa kukoma mtima kosatha.