Njira 11 Zokopana ndi Akazi Achikulire | Zisungeni Zapamwamba

Mayi amakalamba ngati vinyo wabwino, amatero. Mwina, zimenezo zikufotokoza chikoka chodabwitsa chimene anyamata ambiri amamva kwa akazi achikulire. Ngati inuyo muli m’gulu la anthu amenewa, n’kutheka kuti mukuganizira mmene mungachitire ndi kusweka koteroko. Kodi mungatani kuti muyambe kukopana ndi akazi achikulire popanda kukumana ndi zowawa kapena zokhumudwitsa? Nanga ndi mafunso otani amene angamufunse mkazi wachikulire amene sangamukhumudwitse?

Ndikofunikira kuyankha mafunso awa ngati simukufuna kukhala pamndandanda wake wa anthu oti muwakonde. Mayankho ndi omwe tili pano kuti tikupatseni. M'nkhaniyi, tikupereka malangizo 11 amomwe mungakopere akazi achikulire bwino, mothandizidwa ndi malingaliro othandiza komanso othandiza ochokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wa CBT, REBT, ndi uphungu wa mabanja. Pitirizani kuwerenga kuti mudziwe momwe mungakopere mkazi wachikulire ndi chisomo.

Momwe Mungayambire Kukopana ndi Akazi Achikulire - Njira 11 Zopangira Kuti Ziwoneke Zosavutira

Ndiye, kodi anyamata achichepere amakonda kukopa akazi achikulire kangati? Chabwino, ngati titayang'ana zomwe zikuchitika posachedwapa mu ubale wa kusiyana kwa zaka, kusiyana kwa akazi achikulire ndi amuna achichepere kukuoneka kuti kukutchuka kwambiri. Zomwe zachitika ndi wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit uyu zikupereka chidziwitso chosangalatsa cha chifukwa chake zili choncho. Iye akuti, "Inde. Ndinali ndi zibwenzi zambiri ndipo ndinachita chibwenzi ndi akazi achikulire omwe ali pakati/kumapeto kwa zaka za m'ma 20 ndi kumayambiriro/pakati pa zaka za m'ma 30 pamene ndinali ndi zaka 18/19 ndi kumayambiriro kwa zaka za m'ma 20. Anandiphunzitsa zambiri ndipo anandiphunzitsa momwe ndingasangalatsire mkazi komanso kulankhulana. Ndinakonda kwambiri. Zokumbukira zabwino."

Mwachionekere, amuna achichepere amakonda akazi achikulire pazifukwa zina. Koma kodi akazi achikulire amakonda amuna achichepere ? Musadandaule. Akazi achikulire mwina adakumanapo ndi nthawi yachilimwe yambiri kuposa inu, koma sizikutanthauza kuti sakupezeka kwa inu, mnyamata! Chomwe mukufunikira ndi kusewera makadi anu bwino ndipo izi zimaphatikizapo kuphunzira momwe mungakopere akazi achikulire mwaluso. Kuti tikuthandizeni pa izi, talemba malingaliro 11 othandiza amomwe mungalankhulire ndi akazi achikulire mosavuta:

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Chibwenzi ndi Mkazi Wachikulire: Ubwino, Mavuto, ndi Malangizo Oti Zigwire Ntchito

1. Muzikopana molimba mtima

Ngati mukudabwa momwe mungauzire mkazi wachikulire kuti mumamufuna, kudzidalira ndiye bwenzi lanu lalikulu. Nandita akuti, “Anyamata achichepere ayenera kudziona kuti ndi odzidalira.” Amagawananso malangizo angapo othandiza pa kukopa akazi achikulire molimba mtima kuti akope chidwi cha akazi achikulire:

• Musakhale wamanjenje. Yesetsani kupuma mozama kuti mukhazikitse misempha yanu
• Osazengereza kufunsa mafunso kapena kunena malingaliro anu. Zimawonetsa kusadzidalira ndikulepheretsa luso lanu lopanga chidwi 
• Mvetserani mwachidwi malingaliro ake ndikupitiriza kukambirana moyenerera

Mnzanga, Anita, yemwe ndi pulofesa wa zaka 45, anayamba chibwenzi ndi mtsikana wazaka za m'ma 20 miyezi ingapo, ndipo akadali limodzi. Nditamufunsa chimene chinam’kopa kuti azikondana naye, anafotokoza kuti: “Ndinkakonda kudzidalira kwake komanso kuti sankandichititsa n’komwe kundichititsa kuti ndisamaganize kuti n’zosiyana ndi zaka zimene tinkakumana nazo.”

2. Muziyang'ana maso

Kuyang'anana maso nthawi zonse n'kofunika kwambiri mukamayesa kukopa akazi achikulire okongola, kapena mkazi aliyense. Ndi njira yothandiza yopezera chibwenzi popanda mawu. Zimasonyeza kuti muli ndi chidwi chenicheni ndi iye komanso kuti muli ndi chidaliro komanso kudzidalira. Nandita akulangiza kuti, “Muyang'aneni mukamalankhula, koma musamuyang'ane, chifukwa zimenezo zingamupangitse kukhala wosasangalala. Phunzirani kuyang'anana maso moyenera.”

Izi ndi zomwe zidakopa Bella, wantchito mnzanga, kwa mphunzitsi wake wa masewera olimbitsa thupi, yemwe anali wocheperapo kwa iye zaka 10. Chakumapeto kwa zaka za m’ma 30 tsopano, Bella ankakonda mmene mphunzitsi wake wazaka 28 ankamuyang’anira maso nthawi zonse pomuthandiza kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi. Kusangalatsa kudayamba pomwe Bella adamuyang'ananso, akumawonetsa kuti adakonda zomwe adachita. Posakhalitsa, anamupempha kuti atuluke, ndipo akhala pachibwenzi kwa miyezi ingapo tsopano.

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3. Kumwetulira mokopa

Kodi mukuganiza momwe mungauzire mkazi wachikulire kuti mumamufuna? Nayi chinsinsi cha kukopana kwa akuluakulu—kumwetulira mokopa. Yesani ndipo simudzavutika poyesa kukopeka mkazi wachikulire. Kumwetulira kwenikweni koma kodzaza ndi zinthu zomwe zimakopa mkazi kwa mwamuna . Nandita akuti, “Muzimwetulira mukamacheza kapena mukamacheza. Kumwetulira mokopa kungakhale njira yabwino yoyambira ubale wapamtima kapena wapadera pakati pa inu nonse. Ndipo ngati muli ndi mwayi, mudzawona zizindikiro kuti mkazi wachikulire akukufunani.”

4. Muyamikireni

Kukopana ndi mawu ndi yankho ngati mukudabwa momwe mungalankhulire ndi akazi achikulire okongola mosavuta. Pankhani imeneyi, palibe chomwe chimaposa mphamvu ya kuyamikirana kwenikweni komanso kochokera pansi pa mtima. Nandita akuchenjeza kuti, “Koma kuyamikira sikuyenera kupitirira pa kuyamikirana.” Akuwonjezera malangizo angapo a momwe mungamuthokozere mkazi wachikulire :

• Onetsetsani kuti zoyamikira zanu ndi zoona komanso zenizeni
• Pewani kuyamikira zachilendo monga "Mukuwoneka wokongola kwambiri lero!"
• Kuyamikira mwachindunji, monga "Ndimakonda momwe mumaseka", "Ndimayamikira momwe mwakwaniritsira zolinga zanu zonse za moyo wanu pofika zaka 40", kapena "Ndimakonda momwe mwakonzera tsitsi lanu" zimagwira ntchito zodabwitsa.

5. Pewani kulankhula za kusiyana kwa zaka

Inde, nonse mukudziwa kuti pali kusiyana kwa zaka pakati panu koma nthawi zonse musamangoganizira zimenezo. Zaka ndi chiwerengero chabe pamene nonse muli ndi chidwi chenicheni kwa wina ndi mnzake. Kwa mnzanga, Rhea, kugwirizana komwe adamva ndi chibwenzi chake chaching'ono kunali kwakukulu kuposa nkhawa iliyonse yokhudza kusiyana kwa zaka.

Amamva kutsitsimutsidwa komanso wamoyo kuposa momwe ndamuwonera kwa nthawi yayitali, ndipo ndichifukwa choti samayendetsa ubale wawo potengera chikhalidwe cha anthu komanso ziyembekezo zozungulira kusiyana kwa zaka pakati pa okondana. Nandita akuvomereza, ndipo adagawana maupangiri otsatirawa amomwe musalole kusiyana kwa zaka kukhala kwakukulu pa kulumikizana komwe kungachitike:

• Lankhulani za kusiyana kwa zaka pokhapokha ngati ali womasuka kuyankhula za izo
• Ngakhale mukulankhula, mutha kungozembera m'mawu amodzi kapena awiri
• Osatsindika kwambiri za msinkhu, popeza siyenera kukhala vuto ngati nonse awiri muli omasuka ndi kusangalala ndi kukhala pamodzi.

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6. Muzikopana mwaulemu

Mukamayesa kupeza momwe mungalankhulire ndi akazi achikulire, kumbukirani kuti palibe njira ina yoposa ulemu. Ulemu ndi malire abwino zimathandiza kwambiri kuti musakhumudwitse kapena kukhala olimba kwambiri mukamasewera ndi akazi achikulire. Kumbukirani, mkazi wachikulire ali ndi zokumana nazo zambiri pamoyo kuposa inu, ndipo malingaliro ake akhoza kukhala osiyana kwambiri kapena osiyana ndi anu. Chifukwa chake, ndikofunikira kunyalanyaza. Nandita amapereka malangizo otsatirawa okhudza kukondana kwa akuluakulu omwe angakuthandizeni kupewa kuchita zinthu molakwika:

• Khalani ochenjera muzochita zanu zokopana poyamba. Mutha kukulitsa pang'onopang'ono ngati ayankha bwino 
• Pewani mawu otukwana ndi otukwana, palibe chabwino pa izi
• Pewani nthabwala zapansi pa lamba

7. Lankhulani za nkhani zosangalatsa ndi zochitika zamakono

Akazi ambiri achikulire amakonda kukambirana kopindulitsa komanso kozama ndipo amakonda amuna omwe amatha kudziletsa akamalankhula za nkhani zovuta komanso amadziwa bwino zomwe zikuchitika padziko lapansi. Ngati mwakhala mukukakamiza mkazi wachikulire ndipo mukufuna kumuchotsa, njira yolankhulirana yokhwimayi idzakuthandizani.

Nandita anati: “M’pofunika kuti anyamata azisonyeza zimene akudziwa pa nkhani zosiyanasiyana n’kumalankhula mosangalala, kaya zokhudza masewera, ndale kapena nyimbo.” Phunziraninso kumvetsera mwachidwi zomwe amayi achikulire akunena, kuti adziwe zomwe mungakambirane. Zedi, izi zingatengere khama kumbali yanu koma ngati muli ndi chidwi chenicheni ndi mayi wachikulire yemwe mukumufuna, zikhala bwino kwambiri. 

8. Kupatsa nthabwala

Kuseka kwambiri sikulephera kusangalatsa akazi . Kumachita zodabwitsa makamaka mukamachita zinthu ndi akazi achikulire. Nandita akuti, “Kuseka kuyenera kukhala kwapamwamba, osati kopanda pake kapena kopanda nzeru. Munthu ayenera kukhala wokonzeka ndi kubwerera kwanzeru.” Choncho, lolani mbali yanu yanzeruyo iwonekere ngati mukufuna kuona zizindikiro zakuti mkazi wachikulire akukufunani. Nthawi yomweyo, musayese kwambiri kukhala woseketsa. Onetsetsani kuti nthabwala zanu ndi zachilengedwe komanso zogwirizana ndi nkhani.

9. Khalani achidwi

Chivalry nthawi zambiri imawonedwa ngati yachikale ndipo ikusoweka kwambiri masiku ano. Komabe, akazi ambiri achikulire amayamikira. Ngati mukufuna kuti muwonekere ngati mukufuna kukhala pachibwenzi, ndi nthawi yoti mutengere makhalidwe abwinowo. Nandita amapereka malangizo pa kukopana ndi akazi achikulire okongola:

• Tsegulani chitseko chagalimoto asanalowe 
• Bweretsani maluwa ake
• Yendani kapena muyendetse galimoto kunyumba pambuyo pa tsiku 
• Khalani aulemu, osati ndi iye yekha komanso ndi anthu ena omwe ali pafupi nanu
• Yendani ndi kukhudza kobisika, monga burashi m'manja, kuti muwone momwe akuyankhira komanso ngati ali pamalo ake otonthoza.

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Ashley, mayi wosakwatiwa wa ku California, amene ali pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wamng’ono kwa iye ndi zaka 8 anati: “Anandibweretsera maluwa tsiku loyamba, ananyamuka kudzandilonjera pamene ndinaloŵamo, ndipo anandigwira chitseko pamene tinali kuchoka. Kodi ndani amene amachita zimenezo masiku ano?

10. Khalani ndi makhalidwe abwino polemberana mameseji 

Ngakhale kuti kukopana kudzera m'mauthenga ndi chinthu chofala masiku ano, muyenera kuonetsetsa kuti khalidwe lanu lotumizirana mauthenga ndi loyenera. Limodzi mwa malamulo odziwika bwino okopana ndi akazi achikulire omwe Nandita amalankhula ndi kupewa mawu osavuta komanso ofupikitsa m'mauthenga. Komanso, osamufunsa za ubale wake wakale.

Iye anati: “Monga mkazi wachikulire amene mwina si wa m’badwo wanu, mwina sangagwirizane ndi zimene zangochitika kumene.

11. Osamamatira kwambiri

Limodzi mwa malamulo abwino kwambiri mukamachita zibwenzi ndi akazi achikulire ndi kusakhala odzikuza. Nandita akulangiza kuti, “Khalani odziimira pawokha. Yambani kutumiza mauthenga ndi mafoni. Koma musapitirire.” Kukhala womangika sikungayende bwino. Mkazi wachikulire ndi wokhwima maganizo komanso wodziimira pawokha, ndipo angayembekezerenso kukula pang'ono kuchokera kwa inu.

Funso Lofunsidwa Kawirikawiri

Infographic Pa Zizindikiro Mayi Wachikulire Amakufunani

Ndiye, popeza mwaphunzira luso lokopana ndi akazi achikulire, mungatsimikize bwanji kuti mayi wachikulire amalakalakadi kucheza nanu? Ndipo mumatsimikiza bwanji kuti simukuwerenga molakwika zizindikiro? Tiyeni tiwone mndandanda wazizindikiro zomwe mkazi wachikulire akufuna inu:

Maganizo Final

Akazi achikulire mwina ndi mankhwala osatha kwa amuna achichepere. Kaya achichepere kapena amuna apakati pa zaka za m’ma 20 kapena m’ma 30, zikuwoneka kuti akazi achikulire amawoneka okongola kwa amuna ambiri chifukwa cha njira zawo zakudziko, zokumana nazo pamoyo wawo, ndi chithumwa. Ndipo ubale woterewu wa kusiyana kwa zaka ukukula kwambiri. Kodi akazi akulu amakonda amuna achichepere? Eya, amaterodi pamene mwamunayo afika kwa iwo ndi chidaliro ndi ulemu.

Koma pankhani yokopana ndi akazi achikulire, amuna ambiri amazengereza ndipo amaopa kuti pamapeto pake akhoza kuwakhumudwitsa kapena kusokoneza zinthu. Komanso nthawi zambiri samadziwa za mafunso okopa omwe munthu ayenera kufunsa mayi wachikulire. Chifukwa chake, tikukhulupirira, ndi malangizo 11 oti mukope akazi achikulire omwe tagawana nawo m'nkhaniyi, mudzakhala ndi nthawi yosangalatsa mayi wina wokongola komanso wachisomo tsiku lina posachedwa. Tikukufunirani zabwino zonse!

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