Jennifer Campos (dzina losinthidwa) amalankhula monyinyirika za ukwati wake ndi chisudzulo. Mwamwayi, anali m'banja losangalala koma lotopetsa mpaka anayamba kukondana kwambiri ndi mwamuna wina yemwe ankagwira ntchito muofesi yake. Zomwe zidachitika kenako zinali zodziwikiratu - misonkhano yachinsinsi ndi wokondedwa wake, chisokonezo, kupsinjika, kudziimba mlandu komanso zosangalatsa zobisika ndi zina zotero. Zonse zinkayenda bwino poyambira mpaka chivundikiro chake chinawombedwa. Zinthu zinafika pachimake mpaka anafunika kusankha - kukhalabe m'banja kapena kusankha kusiya ukwati ndi mwamuna wake.
Jennifer wina wanzeru komanso wachikulire anati: “Ndinasankha kutsatira mtima wanga n’kusiya ukwati wanga. "Koma tsopano ndikudabwa ngati zonse zinali zoyenera." Tsoka ilo, ukwati wake wachiwiri ndi wokondedwa wake sunatenge nthawi yayitali chifukwa zovuta zotsalira za chisankho chake zidasokoneza ubale wake watsopano.
Tania Kawood , wochiritsa matenda a maganizo, mlangizi komanso woyambitsa TK Holistic Clinic, yemwe amakhala ku Dubai, anati izi zimachitika m'maubwenzi ambiri omwe amayamba chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika. "Nthawi zonse pamakhala chifukwa chodziimba mlandu pankhani ya chibwenzi. Makamaka ngati mwamuna asiya mkazi wake kapena mkazi wake n’kupita kukafuna chibwenzi, nthawi zonse pamakhala kukayikira ngati adzatha kupititsa patsogolo ubalewo," akutero Tania.
Kwa Jennifer, mtunda pakati pa iye ndi mwamuna wake watsopanowo unakula chifukwa miseche ndi zonyoza za anthu zinawonjezera kupsinjika maganizo. Chisoni chokwatiwa ndi bwenzi lake chidakali chachikulu kwa Jennifer koma akuvomereza kuti ali bwino tsopano popanda chibwenzi kusiyana ndi kulowa m'mavuto.
Nkhani za mumtima nthawi zonse sizimadziwikiratu. Chigololo chimaonedwa ngati chonyozeka ndi chikhalidwe chilichonse koma sitingakane kuti chinyengo muubwenzi chikuchulukirachulukira. Amuna ndi akazi kusiya ukwati chifukwa cha chibwenzi ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomwe zimafala kwambiri zosudzulana, zomwe kafukufuku amachirikizanso. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wofalitsidwa mu Institute of Family Studies, 20% ya amuna ndi 13% ya akazi ku America adanena kuti adagonana ndi munthu wina wosakhala mkazi kapena mwamuna wawo ali m'banja.
Koma kodi izi (za mtima kapena thupi) zimabweretsadi ukwati kapena chimwemwe? Mwatsoka, sizikuwoneka choncho, makamaka nthawi zambiri. Buku lodziwika bwino lolembedwa ndi Dr. Frank Pittman, Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity , limati chiŵerengero cha anthu osudzulana pakati pa anthu omwe amakwatirana ndi anzawo ndi chokwera kufika pa 75%.
N'zosachita kufunsa kuti chibwenzi pambuyo pa ukwati sichingakhale chophweka kapena chophweka. Chisangalalo cholakwacho chingapangitse anthu ambiri kuloŵa m’gawo lowopsa limeneli koma magalasi opaka utoto wa rozi akangotuluka, mseu umene uli kutsogoloku umakhala wodzala ndi kusweka mtima ndi kupsinjika maganizo. Ngakhale titasiya nkhani ya makhalidwe abwino kwa kanthaŵi, kusiya ukwati ndi munthu wokwatirana naye kumabweretsa mavuto ochuluka.
Mavuto 9 Omwe Amadza Pochoka Ukwati Kuti Achite Naye
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Ukwati wopambana kapena ubale uliwonse umafuna kuleza mtima kwakukulu, chikondi, kumvetsetsana komanso mgwirizano pang'ono. N'zovuta kudziwa nthawi yomwe mwamuna kapena mkazi amafuna chisangalalo kapena chikondi kunja kwa ubale wawo koma ngati ayamba chibwenzi chakunja kwa ukwati, mwayi woti ubale wachiwiri ukwaniritse zosowa zawo zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe ndi wochepa kwambiri.
Ndithudi, zimenezi sizinganenedwe wamba popeza pakhala pali zochitika zingapo pamene ukwati wachiŵiri wa munthu wokhala naye pachibwenzi watsimikizira kukhala wachipambano ndi wachimwemwe kuposa woyamba koma kufikira malo amenewo ndi ntchito yotopetsa. Nazi zovuta zisanu ndi zinayi zomwe munthu angakumane nazo ngati atasankha kuchoka m'banja kuti achite chibwenzi:
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Zotsatira za Ubale Pakati pa Okwatirana Ndi Zotani?
1. Vuto lodzikayikira
Vuto lalikulu loyamba ndi lopereka zifukwa zokwanira - ayi, osati kwa anthu ndi abwenzi (ndi chiwanda china chonse) koma kwa inu nokha. Kodi ubale wanu watsopano ndi wolimba mokwanira kuti mupirire ziweruzo zosapeŵeka zomwe zimabwera kwa inu?
Kodi mnzanu watsopano ndi wokonzeka kuyika mbiri yake ndi chithunzi chake pachiswe kuntchito ndi m'deralo? Kodi muli otsimikiza 100% kuti kusiya dongosolo ndi chitetezo chaukwati ndikudumphira muubwenzi womwe ukuyamba movutikira ndikofunikira? Mafunso awa ndi ena angapo apitiliza kusokoneza chisankho chanu, makamaka m'magawo oyamba.
2. Ndani adzayamba kutuluka?
Kwa mwamuna, kugonana ndi mkazi wokwatiwa kuli ngati kuyenda pa zipolopolo za mazira. Funso lakuti ' adzamusiya mwamuna wake kapena ayi ' ndi lofunika kwambiri, mwina chifukwa chakuti zoopsa zake zimakhala zazikulu kwa akazi m'madera ambiri. Mohit Marawala (dzina lake lasinthidwa akapemphedwa), manejala wa malonda nthawi ina anali pachibwenzi ndi mkazi wokwatiwa yemwe ankamukonda kwambiri. "Ndinali wokonzeka kumenyana ndi dziko lonse chifukwa cha iye koma nthawi zonse ndinkada nkhawa ngati mnzanga wa pachibwenzi nayenso adzamusiya mwamuna wake?"
Mohit anati: “Ankandikonda kwambiri koma ndinkadziwa kuti ankazengereza kusiya ukwati wake.” Mohit ananena kuti: “Pamenepo ubwenzi wathu unalephereka ndipo ndi wosasangalala. Pamafunika kulimba mtima kochuluka kuti mupite mayadi asanu ndi anayi onse akafika pachibwenzi ngati anthu. Azimayi, makamaka, amakonda kuzizira akafika pochoka m'banja kuti akhale okwatirana.
3. Vuto la 'chiyani chotsatira'
Tania akufotokoza zomwe zinamuchitikira pamene akulimbana ndi kusakhulupirika kwa makasitomala ake. "Funso lomwe ndimafunsidwa kwambiri ndilakuti - 'Ndili ndi chibwenzi, kodi ndisiye mkazi wanga?' Amuna ambiri amalowa m’chibwenzi osaganizira zotsatira zake m’pamene zinthu zikafika poipa m’pamene amaganizira za ukwati wawo,” akutero.
Chimodzi mwazovuta zazikulu zomwe mumakumana nazo mukuchoka m'banja lanu chifukwa cha chibwenzi chanu ndikusankha njira yakutsogolo. Kodi muyenera kuthamangira m'banja ndi bwenzi lanu latsopanolo kapena kudikirira musanapange? Kapena kodi muyenera kulowa m'malo okhazikika musanamange mfundo? Moyenera, nonse inu ndi mnzanuyo muyenera kukhala omveka bwino pamasitepe otsatirawa.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Ndingatani Kuti Ndikonde Wina Ndikakhala Pabanja Mosangalala?
4. Kutalika kwa chibwenzicho
Kodi nkhani zomwe zimathetsa ukwati zimakhala zokhalitsa ? Ndi funso lomwe limakhudza anthu ambiri omwe ayenera kusankha pakati pa mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo. Jennifer akuvomereza kuti chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomwe ukwati wake wachiwiri unalepherera chinali chakuti panali kukayikira pang'ono m'maganizo mwa mwamuna wake wachiwiri za kukhulupirika kwake kwa iye.
Jennifer ananena kuti: “Nthawi zonse tikayamba kukangana, ankandiuza kuti ndasiya mwamuna wanga n’kukakhala naye.” Choncho, kodi ndikanamusiya ngati inenso sindikukhutira ndi zimene iyeyo anachita?
5. Ana amakhudzidwa kwambiri
“Kusakhulupirika kumakhudza mwamuna kapena mkazi wake koma kumakhudza kwambiri ana,” akutero Tania. “Ndaona zochitika pamene mikangano yotsatirapo, kusagwirizana m’banja, nkhani zalamulo ndi mavuto amalingaliro a makolo zimakhudza kwambiri ana awo.”
Ngati makolo aphunzitsa mokwanira ana awo ndi kuwateteza ku kuipa kwa kupatukana kwawo, zotsatira zake zitha kuchepetsedwa koma osabetcherapo. “Mbali yoipa kwambiri ndi pamene ana amakakamizika kutenga mbali,” iye akuwonjezera motero. Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi akuganiza zochoka m’banja n’kupita kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wake, ayenera kuganizira mmene anawo akumvera.
6. Kusamalira achibale ndi achibale
Tikukhala mu nthawi yomwe chimwemwe cha munthu chimayikidwa patsogolo kuposa malamulo ndi miyambo ya anthu. Zoonadi, munthu aliyense ali ndi ufulu wokhala ndi moyo momwe amafunira. Komabe, anthu kapena banja ndi chinthu chomwe munthu sangachifune. Ngakhale mutasankha kunyalanyaza, mafunso osasangalatsa ndi miseche ndizovuta kuthawa.
N’zoona kuti siziyenera kukufooketsani ngati mukuganiza kuti muli panjira yoyenera koma kumbukirani kuti kuchita chinyengo m’banja n’koletsedwa kwambiri, ngakhale m’mabanja amene sakonda kusamala. Ngati banja lanu lokulirapo liri lamwambo kwambiri, ndiye kuti khalani okonzeka kukambitsirana ngati mukuganiza zosiya ukwati wanu kuti mukakhale ndi chibwenzi.
7. Zokumbukira zidzakhala zowawa
Kaya mukufuna kapena ayi, nthawi zonse pamakhala kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa chifukwa cha chibwenzi . Monga momwe Tania akunenera, “Mukhoza kudzilungamitsa mwanjira iliyonse yomwe mukufuna koma mfundo ndi yakuti banja lomwe lakhala limodzi pambuyo poti aliyense wa iwo watuluka muukwati wawo lidzakhala ndi kudzimva wolakwa. Sadzakhala ndi nkhani yosangalatsa yoti afotokoze momwe adakhalira limodzi.”
Izi zili choncho chifukwa njira yawo yopita ku chikondi ikanakhala yosweka mitima. Sichinthu choyenera kukhalamo ndipo munthu amene akuchoka m’banja kuti achite naye chibwenzi ayenera kukhala wolimba mtima komanso wotsimikiza pa chisankho chake. Ndiponso, adzayenera kusamala kuti asalole zikumbukiro zowawa zakale kapena zokumana nazo kuwononga unansi wawo watsopano kapena ukwati.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Nthano 20 ndi Zowona Zokhudza Kunyenga Muukwati
8. Zovuta zomanga umunthu watsopano
Nkhani ya ubale uliwonse ndi yosiyana ndipo zovuta za aliyense zimasiyananso. Koma chinthu chimodzi chodziwika bwino chimene okwatirana amakumana nacho n’chakuti angafunikire kukhala ndi makhalidwe atsopano akakhala pamodzi. Tsopano, izi zitha kukhala zovuta ngati akale awo akukhalanso mumzinda womwewo.
Mabwenzi ndi odziwana nawo amakakamizika kutenga mbali. Nthawi zambiri, wobera mnzake ndi amene amayenera kukhala wokonzeka kutaya mabwenzi akale ndikupeza anzawo atsopano. Tania anati: “Zimangokhala ngati afunika kuyambiranso kukhala limodzi popanda chikondi chimene anali nacho mpaka nthawi imeneyo.” Kucheza ndi anthu kungakhale kovuta kwambiri.
9. Kuopsa koyerekeza
Mukakhala ndi chibwenzi, zimatheka chifukwa chakuti kugwirizana kumeneku kumakwaniritsa zosowa zina zomwe sizikukwaniritsidwa m'banja mwanu. “Koma upandu umene uli pano ndi wofanana nawo,” akutero Tania. "M'malo mongoyang'ana chibwenzicho ngati ubale wodziyimira pawokha, mutha kuyang'ana paukwati wanu."
Vuto limakhalapo pamene mukuchoka m’banja kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanuyo n’kufika poyerekezera ukwati wanu kapena wakale ndi mnzanu amene muli naye panopa ndipo mukhoza kumupeza akusoŵa mbali zina. Zotsatira zake n’zakuti simungakhale osangalala muubwenzi uliwonse. Tania anati: “Ngakhale mukuyamba kukondana ndi munthu amene simunakwatirane naye, tsimikizirani kuti n’zifukwa zoyenerera osati chifukwa chakuti mulibe chimwemwe chenicheni m’banja mwanu.
Chigololo chakunja kwa ukwati ndi chipatso choletsedwa kwambiri. Anthu ambiri amalowamo osaganizira kwambiri kapena kuganizira mozama kuti chingayambitse mavuto. Koma ubale uliwonse kunja kwa ukwati nthawi zambiri umakhala ndi chikhumbo chosangalatsa.
Ngakhale zili bwino kuchoka m'maubwenzi osasangalatsa, zomwe mwamuna kapena mkazi ayenera kuchita ndikuwonetsetsa kuti sakulowa mumtsuko wowotchera moto. Mwinamwake, kungakhale bwino kupereka nthaŵi kuti unansi watsopanowo ukule ndi kukula musanaloŵe mwachisawawamo ngakhale mutasiya ukwati ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Chotero khalani anzeru posankha zochita.
Chifukwa Chake Tiyenera Kusiya Kuweruza Anthu Pazifukwa Zakunja Kwa M'banja
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
