Kwa anthu ambiri chinyengo m’banja ndi tchimo lalikulu. Mukadzipereka kwa wina, mukuyenera kukhala wokhazikika komanso wokhulupirika - zomwe zakhala zikudziwika kuyambira kalekale. Tsoka ilo, ziwerengero za kusakhulupirika zimatsimikizira mosiyana. Tiyeni tiyese kumvetsetsa malingaliro olakwika omwe ali pafupi ndi kusakhulupirika - kapena nthano ndi zenizeni za kubera!
Ngakhale ziwerengero zimatha kukhala ndi zochitika zingapo pazigawo zilizonse za chikhalidwe, mafuko, zachuma ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu - zikuwonetsa kuti kubera ndikofala kwambiri kuposa momwe timaganizira. Mfundo zasayansi zozikidwa pa kafukufuku wokhudza kubera zimasonyezanso kuti si maubwenzi onse amene amakumana ndi vuto lofanana chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika. Kupatula apo, kubera kumachitika pamlingo wosiyanasiyana komanso m'njira zosiyanasiyana.
Funso ndilakuti: Kodi timadziwa chilichonse chokhudza kusakhulupirika?
20 Zopeka Ndi Zowona Zokhudza Kubera M'banja
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Malinga ndi Pew Research Centre , anthu opitilira 90% aku America amaona kuti kusakhulupirika ndi chinthu choipa koma pafupifupi 30% mpaka 40% aku America amabera akazi awo. Mu kafukufuku wina wa YouGov.com, 19% ya omwe adafunsidwa adati adachitapo zachiwerewere kunja kwa ubale wawo wapano.
Mu chikhalidwe chodziwika bwino, kusakhulupirika nthawi zambiri kumakhala 'mapeto' pankhani ya maubwenzi. Ngakhale pankhani ya anthu otchuka - kuyambira John F. Kennedy mpaka Princess Diana mpaka Bill Clinton - chiweruzo cha anthu onse chimakhala chokhwima ndipo chilango chimakhala chofulumira. Koma ngati mubwerera m'mbuyo ndikuyang'ana nkhani iliyonse moyenera, pali zinthu zambiri zomwe mungaphunzire.
Tsono nazi nthano ndi zowona zokhuza kubera muukwati zomwe zingakupangitseni kukayikira zonse zomwe mukudziwa za chigololo.
1. Bodza: Zinthu zimathetsa banja nthawi zonse
Mwamuna kapena mkazi wachigololo angayambitsedi zopweteka zambiri koma chibwenzi chikatha, machitidwe ake amakhala osiyanasiyana. Chimodzi mwazinthu zosangalatsa zokhudzana ndi kubera ndikuti nthawi zambiri okwatirana omwe amaberedwa amadzimva kuti ali ndi mlandu kapena ali ndi mlandu chifukwa cha zolakwa za ena.
Chifukwa chake ndi nthano kuti nthawi zonse zinthu zimasokoneza banja. Kumvetsetsana ndi kukhululukirana kungayambitse ubale wolimba pakati pa anthu awiri m'tsogolomu. Ngakhale kubera sikukhululukidwa, nthawi zina pamakhala mbali ziwiri pa chilichonse ndipo kumvetsera kungakhale njira yabwino yoyambiranso.
Choncho, nthawi zambiri, wonyengayo angakhululukidwe ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake. Koma mbali ina, izi zingayambitse milandu yothetsa ukwati.
Mchitidwe wovuta wa chisudzulo, mantha okhudza mmene anthu angachitire, tsogolo la ana, ndi zina mwa zifukwa zimene mabanja ena amapulumukira. Chotero pamene kuli kwakuti zochitika zingagwedezedi maziko a ukwati, maukwati ambiri amapulumuka kusakhulupirika.
Zoona zake: Maubwenzi ena amapambana ngakhale m'modzi mwa okwatirana atachita chibwenzi kunja kwa ukwati. Izi zimangotengera momwe anthu alili paubwenziwu. Ngati munthu ali ndi kulekerera komanso chifukwa chokhulupirira kuti akhoza kusiya kukhulupirika kumeneku, maanja ambiri amakonda kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala ndikupitiriza ndi moyo wawo. Malinga ndi kafukufuku watsopano , 16% yokha ya maubwenziwo ndi omwe amatha kukhalabe ndi chibwenzi.
2. Zopeka : Zinthu zomwe zimathetsa banja zimakhala zotalika ndipo zimakhala zamphamvu
Anthu ambiri omwe amachita nawo zinthu amakhala ozizira akafika pakuswa ubale wawo wapano. Ndiye ngati kusakhulupirika kuswa ukwati, zikutanthauza kuti wonyengayo adzakhala wokhazikika pa chibwenzi chawo chatsopano, sichoncho?
Osati kwenikweni. Nthawi zambiri, nkhani zomwe zimanenedwa kukhala zolimba akathetsa banja, ndi nthano chabe. Nthawi zambiri amatuluka chisangalalo cha chibwenzicho chikafa. Zikafika pakudzipereka kwathunthu kwa wina popanda chisangalalo chothamanga kapena kubisala, anthu ambiri amakonda kubwerera.
Kulakwa, chizindikiro cha kukhala wachigololo, chiweruzo chimene chimapitirira mosapeŵeka chimabweretsa mavuto. Chibwenzi chakunja chiyenera kukhala champhamvu kwambiri kuti chithe kupitilira kukhumudwa ndi zowawa. Sikuti zibwenzi zonse zakunja zingakhale za moyo wonse kapena kukafika pachimake paukwati wachiŵiri.
Zoona zake: Ndi 5-7 peresenti yokha ya maanja omwe ali pachibwenzi ndi omwe amakhalabe ndi moyo ukwati wawo utatha ndi okondedwa awo. Ichi ndi chiwopsezo choyipa chomwe mungadzitonthoze nacho nokha ngati muli ndi chibwenzi.
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3. Bodza: Amuna onyenga amakhala m’banja kwa nthawi yaitali
Amuna ena ndi okonda kuchita zachinyengo nthawi zonse . Kukhala paubwenzi wolimba komanso wodzipereka sikukhudza maso awo. Koma pali chikhulupiriro chachilendo chakuti amuna omwe amachita zachinyengo nthawi zambiri amakhala m'banja kwa nthawi yayitali.
Izi zili choncho chifukwa angayese kukhala osamala kwambiri, mwina kuti athetse vuto lawo lobera. Palibe chomwe chingakhale choposa chowonadi. Pali mwayi wochepa woti akhalebe ndi ubale wabwino makamaka ngati ali ndi mbiri ya kusakhulupirika.
Zikuoneka kuti ndi nthano chabe kuti amuna achinyengo amakhalabe m’banja kwa nthawi yaitali kapena kuti amakhala osangalala. Mtolo wa liwongo ndi zizolowezi zobweza kwambiri sizingagulire aliyense chisangalalo. Ubale wopanda maziko olimba a chidaliro ndi chitonthozo sungathe kutengedwa ngati chitsanzo chotsatira.
Zoona zake: Palibe umboni uliwonse kapena mfundo zenizeni zokhudza chibwenzi kapena mwamuna amene amabera zimene zimasonyeza kuti zimenezi zingathandize kuti chibwenzicho chikhale cholimba. Osachita chinyengo ngati zikuchitika.
4. Bodza: Chinyengo m’banja nthawi zonse chimayamba chifukwa chokopeka ndi kugonana
Kukonda munthu wina osati wokondedwa wake n’kofunika kwambiri poyamba chibwenzi chakunja kwa ukwati. Komabe, si chifukwa chokhacho. Nthawi zambiri maubwenzi amayamba chifukwa cha kuyandikana kwambiri maganizo. Ndicho chifukwa chake anthu amafunika kuthana ndi mavuto a maganizo a mnzawo.
Ngati munthu akwaniritsa kusokonekera kapena kukwaniritsa zofunika zina zomwe munthu sakuchoka muukwati wake wamakono, zingayambitse mgwirizano wamphamvu wamaganizo. Kumbuyo kwa maonekedwe a thupi, pali chilakolako chofuna kugonana kotero kuti kugonana sikungakhale chifukwa chokha chimene munthu amasochera.
Ngati mnzanu muubwenzi akumva kunyalanyazidwa, kugwiritsidwa ntchito ndi kunyalanyazidwa, amayamba kugwiritsa ntchito njira zina. Kaŵirikaŵiri amayendayenda kufunafuna chifukwa chimodzi chimenecho choti adzuke m’maŵa uliwonse kuti akhalenso ndi cholinga. Choncho, chinyengo m'banja si nthawi zonse chifukwa cha kukopeka ndi kugonana ndipo mosiyana ndi nthano chabe.
Zoona zake: Pakafukufuku waposachedwapa, amuna 20 pa 14 alionse amene anali ndi chibwenzi ananena kuti ankafuna kukwaniritsa zofuna zawo osati zakuthupi.
5. Zoona zake: Akazi amatha kubera pafupipafupi monganso amuna
N'zachilendo koma chinyengo m'banja nthawi zambiri chimagwirizana ndi mwamuna. Akuti mkazi ndi wokhulupirika kwambiri kuposa mwamuna m'chibwenzi. Tiyeni tiike ziwerengero za kusakhulupirika apa. Malinga ndi ziwerengero zomwe zafalitsidwa mu Journal of Marital and Family Therapy , 57% ya amuna onse amavomereza kuti adachitapo kusakhulupirika nthawi ina pomwe 54% ya akazi nawonso adavomereza zomwezo.
Pakati pa okwatirana, 22% ya amuna omwe ali pabanja adavomereza kuti anali ndi chibwenzi ndipo zomwezo zinali zoona kwa 14% ya akazi okwatiwa. Mwachidule, pamene kuli kwakuti amuna amaonedwa kuti ali ndi chizoloŵezi chochitira chinyengo, akazi nawonso ali ndi kuthekera kofanana. Anthu omwe amangonena kuti amuna ndi akazi omwe ali ndi udindo wothetsa banja sakudziwa zenizeni ndipo ayenera kukhala ndi cheke pamawerengero. Akazi amatha kubera pafupipafupi ngati amuna ndipo izi ndi zoona.
Ndikofunikira kukumbukira mfundo zotere zokhudza chibwenzi kapena mkazi wonyenga kuti muwonetsetse kuti simukunyalanyaza zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti mukunyenga.
6. Zoona zake: Chikhalidwe chodziwika bwino chimachirikiza chinyengo m’banja
Ndithudi, anthu amanyoza anthu amene amapezedwa m’banja. Koma apa pali chodabwitsa. Monga momwe aliyense angafune kuganiza kuti ali ndi makhalidwe apamwamba, chikhalidwe chodziwika nthawi zambiri chimalimbikitsa chigololo.
Taganizirani za mapulogalamu apa TV, mafilimu ndi mabuku. Kuyambira masiku a Fatal Attraction mpaka mapulogalamu apa intaneti monga Dark Desire , chinyengo chimapatsidwa chithunzithunzi cha kukongola ndi kukongola kwa kugonana. Chikhalidwe cha anthu ambiri chimapangitsa kulawa chipatso choletsedwa kuoneka ngati chilakolako.
M'zaka za Netflix ndi PrimeVideo, chiwonetsero chilichonse ndi kanema zimapezeka pakugwira chala, ngakhale zomwe zimabweretsa malingaliro olakwika. Maubwenzi osaloledwa, kuzembera, kupanga zosankha zolakwika ataledzera - zonsezi zikuwoneka ngati 'zabwino' kwa m'badwo watsopano. Mwa kuyambitsa maganizo otere m’maganizo mwa achinyamata, zakhala zowona kuti chikhalidwe chotchuka chimachirikiza chinyengo m’banja.
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7. Zoona zake: Banja lililonse lingakhale mumsampha wa chigololo
Palibe ukwati womwe sungathe kuchitidwa chigololo. Ngakhale ubale wotetezeka kwambiri ukhoza kusokonekera pazifukwa zina. Ichi ndichifukwa chake sikofunikira kungogwa m'chikondi komanso kuchisunga ndi kuchisunga. Muyenera kusamalira ukwati kuti ukhale wosangalatsa, wolimba komanso wosagonjetsedwa ndi mayesero.
Chotero pamene kuli chowonadi chakuti ukwati uliwonse ukhoza kugwera mumsampha wa chigololo, nthaŵi zonse pali njira zochepetsera mwaŵi wa zimenezo.
Zimenezi zikutanthauza kuthera nthaŵi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, kusamalira zosoŵa zawo, kukhala ndi njira yotseguka yolankhulirana ndi kusunga ulemu. Makamaka m'zaka za digito pamene kubera muukwati kwakhala kosavuta, muyenera kuyesetsa kuti motowo ukhale wamoyo.
8. Bodza: Kuulula kuti munachita chinyengo m’banja kungapulumutse
Anthu ambiri amakonda kumva za kusakhulupirika kwa mnzawo wa m’banja kuchokera pakamwa pa kavalo kuposa kuchokera kwina kulikonse. Anthu ambiri omwe amavutika ndi kudzimva kuti ndi olakwa akachita zachinyengo amakhulupiriranso kuti kuulula machimo awo kungathandize kuti mnzawoyo awakhululukire mosavuta.
Tsoka ilo, sizili choncho. Momwe ifenso tikufunira kutsimikizira, zoona zake n’zakuti mwambi uwu woti ‘ulula zachinyengo ungapulumutse banja lako’, ndi nthano chabe. Zowawa sizichepa ngati mumva za chinyengo cha wokondedwa wanu kuchokera kwa iye mwachindunji. Zomwe zidzachitike zidzadalira momwe mnzake wosakhudzidwa amachitira nkhani.
Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa mfundo za kubera m'maubwenzi zomwe muyenera kuzivomereza ndikuzidziwa ngati muli ndi malingaliro odutsa malire a kukhulupirika.
Zoona zake: Nthawi zonse anthu sangayankhe mmene mukufunira ndipo palibe chiŵerengero chosonyeza kuti kuulula ndi njira yotsimikizirika yopulumutsira ukwati wanu. Nthawi zina, zimapangitsa kuti zinthu ziipireipire.
9. Zopeka: Kutumizirana mameseji olaula kapena kugonana pa intaneti si chinyengo
Kodi kutumizirana mauthenga olaula kapena kuchita chibwenzi ndi munthu wina pogwiritsa ntchito ukadaulo (ngakhale palibe kugonana komwe kumachitika m'moyo weniweni) kumaonedwa ngati chinyengo? Eya, oweruza milandu akadalipo pankhani imeneyi.
Koma zoona zake n’zabodza kuti kutumizirana mameseji olaula kapena kugonana pa intaneti sikubera. Ubale uliwonse womwe wapangidwa kunja kwa dongosolo la ubale wanu wodzipereka ndi kubera, makamaka ngati ukuchitidwa popanda chilolezo cha mnzanu, mwachinsinsi, kapena ndi malingaliro olakwa. Zochitika zenizeni zimatha kukhala ndi zotsatira zofanana ndi zenizeni.
Ndikofunikira kufotokoza mfundo zingapo zosangalatsa za kubera ndi momwe zimapitira mopitirira muyeso apa: kukangana kwa kugonana m'dziko lodziwika bwino nthawi zambiri kumabweretsa zolakwa zenizeni. Zimene zingayambe monga kukopana kosavulaza m’kupita kwa nthaŵi zingasinthe n’kukhala chibwenzi chenicheni.
Kupatula apo, mawonekedwe a digito omwe mumapanga panthawi yotumizirana mameseji kapena kugonana pa intaneti - kugawana maliseche, makanema olaula ndi zina zotero - zitha kugwiritsidwa ntchito molakwika ndi munthuyo pamapeto ena, zomwe zimadzetsa mavuto ovuta kwambiri kuposa zotsatira zachinyengo paukwati wanu.
Zoona zake: Ambiri mwa zibwenzi zimene ankachitira chiwerewere pa Intaneti ananena kuti ankaona kuti anyalanyazidwa, osasamalidwa komanso kulibe pachibwenzi. Umu ndi momwe munthu angamvere ngati wokondedwa wake ali ndi ubale weniweni ndi wina. Chotero kaŵirikaŵiri amalingalira kuti maunansi enieni kapena enieni, akuthupi kunja kwa ukwati kumabweretsa chotulukapo chofananacho. Chifukwa chake, kugonana pa intaneti ndi kutumizirana mameseji ndizofanana ndi kubera.
10. Zoona zake: Zinthu zina zimatha zaka zambiri
Sichingatchulidwe ndendende kuti ndi "chowonjezera" chaukwati, koma maubwenzi ena opangidwa kunja kwa banja amatha kukhala nthawi yayitali kuposa banja lenilenilo. Likhoza kukhala ndi zinthu zonse za m'banja labwino - chikondi, chisamaliro, chikondi, kugonana, kuchotsa mphete.
Mosasamala kanthu za kupweteka kwa mnzawo wa muukwati wodzipatulira, nthaŵi zina chikwati chowonjezereka chimaposa chiŵerengero cha zaka zonse zimene akhala pamodzi muukwati weniweniwo. Ngakhale kuti ndi zachisembwere ndi zosayenera, ndi zoona kuti zinthu zina zimakhala kwa zaka zambiri.
Ngati onse awiri ali pachibwenzi ndipo avomereza kuti mwina sangakwatirane mwalamulo, akhoza kupitiriza kwa zaka zambiri ndikukhala ndi chibwenzi chakunja kwa ukwati. Chitsanzo ndi Prince Charles ndi Camilla omwe adapitiliza chibwenzi chawo pafupifupi m'mabanja awo onse.
11. Bodza: Kukhala pachibwenzi kumatanthauza kuti banja lavuta
N’zosavuta kuthetsa chibwenzi chifukwa cha mavuto a m’banja. Anthu ambiri omwe amachita chigololo amawalungamitsa ponena za mavuto m’mabwenzi awo. Koma chinyengo m’banja si nthawi zonse chifukwa pali vuto.
Kawirikawiri chibwenzi chingakhale chifukwa cha chilakolako chachikulu cha kugonana, chikhumbo chofuna chibwenzi chosasamala, chifukwa ali otsimikiza kuti sadzagwidwa, monga kufunafuna chisangalalo kapena kungomva ngati wachinyamata komanso wofunidwanso. Mukukumbukira Unfaithful ? Diane Lane wayamba chibwenzi chotentha ngakhale kuti anakwatiwa ndi Richard Gere wachifundo!
Chotero, sikuli bwino nthaŵi zonse kuimba mlandu ukwati ngati wokwatirana naye wasankha kukhala ndi chibwenzi chowonjezereka. Nthawi zina anthu sangathe kudzithandiza okha kusatetezeka kapena mavuto awo ndi kukhala msampha wa kubera. Zikatero, kunena kuti chibwenzi kumatanthauza kuti banja lavuta ndi nthano chabe.
Zoona zake: Bungwe la American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy linachita kafukufuku m’dziko lonse limene linapeza kuti 15 peresenti ya akazi okwatiwa ndi 25 peresenti ya amuna okwatiwa amagonana ndi munthu amene sanakwatirane naye ngakhale kuti ukwati wawo ndi wongopeka chabe. Motero, mabanja osangalala amakhalanso mikhole ya kusakhulupirika.
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12. Bodza: Anthu achigololo sangakhale makolo abwino
Maluso a ubereki alibe chochita ndi chizolowezi cha munthu kukhala ndi chibwenzi. Munthu angakhale kholo labwino koma sangakopeke ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake kuwatsogolera m'manja mwa wina. Pamene kuli kwakuti ana angakhale mbedza yabwino yokhalirabe m’banja, sikokwanira kuwasunga m’banja. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zomvetsa chisoni za kubera muubwenzi zomwe anthu amazikana.
Inde kholo silingakhale lolondola nthawi zonse m'moyo wake, koma iyenso ndi munthu ndipo sayenera kuyembekezeredwa kukhala wangwiro. Kusakhulupirika kulibe chochita ndi kulera ana ndipo 'achigololo sangakhale makolo abwino' ndi nthano yoti iyenera kutayidwa.
Kawirikawiri amakhulupiriranso kuti kulera ana, monga udindo wanthawi zonse, sikulola munthu kufunafuna kwina kuti asangalale koma masiku ano, chibwenzi chili ngati macheza a pa WhatsApp!
Zoona zake: M’bukuli mulibe lamulo lililonse losonyeza kuti munthu amene sangakhale ndi banja losangalala sangakhale pa ubwenzi wabwino ndi mwana wake. Maganizo amenewa ndi opusa komanso ozikidwa pa zifukwa zabodza.
13. Bodza: Ndi bwino kuulula zonse za chinyengo m'banja
Ngakhale kuti kuulula chibwenzi n'kofunika, nthawi zina, malingana ndi momwe zinthu zilili, ndi bwino kusunga amayi.
Kapena ngati chibwenzi chatha ndipo mukutsimikiza kuti simudzabwereranso ndi wokondedwa wanu, zitha kuwonedwa ngati mutu wotsekedwa womwe mnzanuyo sayenera kuudziwa. Inde, n’chimodzimodzi ndi kunama, koma ngati kuulula kudzadzetsa mavuto ambiri, n’chifukwa chiyani mukuudzudzula?
Nthano zolimbikitsa kuulula zachinyengo m'banja siziyenera kulandiridwa mwachimbulimbuli, m'malo mwake, ziyenera kuganiziridwa molingana ndi momwe munthu alili kuti asankhe zoyenera.
Zoona zake: Mabanja ena amanena kuti akuopa nkhanza za m’banja komanso kukhala ndi malo oopsa. Zoterezi zimakhala zachilendo pamene munthuyo amakhala wotetezeka kuti asaululire wokondedwa wake zakukhosi kwawo. Ngakhale kuti njira yabwino yopulumukira ndiyo kuona mtima, kukhala chete ndi golide.
14. Zoona zake: Kusakhulupirika ndi kusankha
Mungasankhe kukhalabe wokhulupirika. Mutha kusankha kusokera. Indedi, chisankho ndi chanu. Ndi zoona kuti kusakhulupirika ndi kusankha. Chinyengo m’mabanja sichichitika kawirikawiri chifukwa munakakamizika kuchita zimenezo. Ngakhale pali ziyeso ndi mwayi wochuluka wofuna zosangalatsa kunja kwa banja lanu, kudzipereka ndi kusankha kwanu.
Ngakhale mutakhala muukwati wosasangalatsa , mungasankhe kuchoka kapena kuyesetsa kuthetsa vutoli. Simuyenera kuchita chibwenzi ndi munthu wina. Chifukwa chake kusakhulupirika si chinthu chachibadwa, koma chisankho chodziwikiratu chomwe mumaganiza.
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15. Zoona zake: Mwamuna kapena mkazi amene waperekedwayo amakumana ndi mavuto
Palibe vumbulutso la kunyenga muukwati ndi losavuta. Ndi limodzi mwa mavuto ovuta kwambiri m’banja lililonse. Mchitidwe woperekedwa kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi umaphatikizapo kumenyana ndi wachigololo kapena kuwapewa. Ndi nthawi yovuta kwambiri kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi woperekedwa ndipo zimatengera zambiri kuti achire; izi ndi zoona.
Izi zili choncho chifukwa cha malingaliro osiyanasiyana omwe okwatirana osakhudzidwawo amakumana nawo akazindikira kuti ukwati wawo wafika pamavuto. Kuyambira kukana mpaka kuvutika maganizo mpaka kudziimba mlandu, amakumana ndi mavuto ambiri asanavomereze chowonadi.
16. Bodza: Okondedwa anu sangasochere ngati moyo wanu wogonana uli wabwino
Ndi nthano chabe kuti moyo wabwino wogonana ungapangitse mwamuna kapena mkazi kukhala wodzipereka kwambiri muukwati. Monga tafotokozera pamwambapa, kugonana ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zambiri - ngakhale zili zofunika - zomwe zimapangitsa anthu kusochera . Anthu ambiri amaona kuti kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi kumakhala kosasangalatsa pambuyo pa nthawi imodzi.
Ngakhale atayesa kusangalatsa moyo wawo wogonana, palibe chitsimikizo kuti sichidzatsogolera ku chilakolako cha munthu wina. Makamaka achinyamata amene akukhala moyo wosalira zambiri ndiponso wosakhazikika, saweruza mochepa pankhani ya kubera m’banja kapena m’banja lokhazikika.
Zoona zake: Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti amuna 20 pa 100 alionse amene amabera amachita zimenezi chifukwa choti sakukhutira ndi kugonana. Otsala 80% ali ndi zifukwa zosiyanasiyana zomwe zimachokera ku malo okhudzidwa, kusatetezeka, kubwezera etc.
17. Zoona zake: Kubera kumadula makalasi ndi zikhalidwe zosiyanasiyana
Pali bodza lakuti chinyengo m’banja n’chofala kwambiri pakati pa anthu olemera ndi otchuka. Zowonadi, chinyengo chachinyengo m'magulu apamwamba chimakopa chidwi cha anthu kuposa ena, koma zoona zake n'zakuti chigololo ndi chofala pakati pa amuna ndi akazi, magulu azaka, magulu a chikhalidwe cha anthu ndi zikhalidwe.
Zoonadi, kuvomereza chigololo kungakhale kosiyana ndi dziko lina kupita ku lina - mwachitsanzo, Afalansa amadziwika kuti ndi olekerera m'maganizo awo pa kusakhulupirika kuposa Amereka. Koma zochitikazo ndizofala kulikonse, kuyambira pachikhalidwe mpaka kumagulu amakono. Choncho maganizo atsankho amenewa alibe chochita ndi kusakhulupirika ndipo anthu amene amanena choncho amakonda kukhulupirira nthano zimenezi.
18. Bodza: Amuna ndi akazi nthawi zambiri amakhala okwatira mmodzi
Kukwatira mkazi m'modzi yekha kumatamandidwa ndipo kumafunidwa m'zikhalidwe zambiri ndipo chipembedzo chimalamula, koma sizikutanthauza kuti kukwatira mkazi m'modzi yekha kumavomerezedwa ndi aliyense. Chimodzi mwa mfundo zofunika kwambiri zokhudza chinyengo m'maubwenzi ndi chakuti anthu mwachibadwa samakhala ndi mkazi m'modzi yekha . Kukwatira mkazi m'modzi yekha ndi nkhani ya chikhalidwe cha anthu, ndipo anthu ena amavutika kuitsatira kuposa ena.
Komanso, kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi sikutanthauza kuti kukopeka ndi anthu ena osati bwenzi lanu kumangozimitsidwa. Ngati muli paubwenzi wa mkazi mmodzi, muyenera kukhazikitsa malire pa zomwe zili zovomerezeka ndi zosayenera.
Chifukwa chake ndi nkhambakamwa kuti amuna ndi akazi mwachibadwa amakhala ndi mkazi m'modzi koma ndiye njira yomwe amakonda kuyendamo. Apo ayi, ubale uliwonse uli ndi kuthekera kopita kumalo oterera.
Zoona zake: Ndi 17 peresenti yokha ya zikhalidwe zonse za anthu zomwe zimangokhala ndi mkazi mmodzi pomwe gulu lalikulu limakhulupirirabe za mitala kapena kukwatira mitala. Mzera wathu sumanena kwenikweni za kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi koma ngakhale pamenepo, abambo ndi amai adapanga makonzedwe anthawi yayitali oti azikhala limodzi.
19. Bodza: Zinthu zitha kukhala zopindulitsa m'banja
Kodi chibwenzi chingakhale chopindulitsa pa ukwati ? Iyi ndi mfundo yabwino kwambiri yomwe imati ngati awiriwa apulumuka chibwenzi, amakhala olimba mtima. Mwina ndi chifukwa chakuti amazindikira zomwe akanatha kutaya ndipo adzayesetsa kwambiri kuti asunge ukwatiwo. Sizikutanthauza kuti!
Kusakhulupirika ndi mchitidwe wachinsinsi womwe umaphatikizapo kunama ndi kubisa mfundo zambiri. Banja likhoza kukhululuka ndi kusankha kuziyika kumbuyo, koma mphero yomwe imapanga ndi yeniyeni. Sipangakhale chilichonse chopindulitsa pa zowawa, kusasamala komanso kukayikira zomwe zingabwere m'tsogolomu.
Ndi zina mwa mfundo zosatsutsika zokhudzana ndi chinyengo zomwe zimakhudza maganizo a onse awiri ndikusintha chiyanjano kwamuyaya. Inde, ngati agwiridwa bwino, angathandize okwatirana kukhala amphamvu kuposa kale. Koma zimenezi zingatheke ngakhale mwa kungodzipereka kuyesetsa kukonza ubwenziwo. Simufunikanso kubwerera mmbuyo chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika kuti mukonze ukwati wanu. Chotero kwa awo amene akuyesera kudzipangitsa iwo kukhala abwinoko ponena kuti zinthu zingakhale zopindulitsa mu ukwati, izo ziri chabe nthano.
Zoona zake: PISD kapena Post Infidelity Stress Disorder ndi chinthu chomwe anthu ochepa amadziwa. Zizindikiro ndizofanana kwambiri ndi za PTSD. Anthu ena amavutikanso kucheza ndi anthu, kaya mwa kugonana kapena m’maganizo. Anthu amakhala ndi vuto la kugona komanso nkhawa zachipatala. Kaya banja lasweka kapena ayi, PISD ndi yeniyeni ndipo palibe amene adapezapo chitonthozo poona kuti adalandidwa mwayi ndipo pamapeto pake adaperekedwa.
20. Bodza: Nkhani za m’banja zimachititsa kuti winayo akhalenso ndi mmodzi
Nthawi zambiri, mwamuna kapena mkazi wovulazidwa amatha kukhala ndi chibwenzi kuti abwezere bwenzi lake kapena kubwezera manyazi chifukwa cha wokondedwa wake. Koma zimenezi zimachitika m’zochitika zochepa kwambiri. Nthawi zambiri za chigololo, munthu woberedwayo amadabwa kwambiri ndipo amakwiya kwambiri moti sangaganize zobwezera ndalama zomwezo.
Ngati banja liri lolimba mwanjira ina, iye angayesedwe kutenga malo apamwamba ndi kugwiritsira ntchito chigololo cha mnzanuyo monga maziko olimba opezera chisudzulo ndi ndalama zolipirirana. Palibe chowona m’chakuti zochitika za m’banja limodzi zimatsogolera kuti winayo akhalenso ndi chibwenzi. Nthano zoterozo zimayambitsa kusamvana kwina m’banja. Ndiponsotu, umboni wa chinyengo m’banja umalimbitsa mlandu ngati munthu waganiza zopita kukafunafuna njira yalamulo.
Mwachidule, chibwenzi chakunja chikhoza kuchitika paubwenzi uliwonse ndipo ndi nkhani yaumwini komanso yokhazikika kwa banja lililonse. Ngakhale ndizofala kwambiri masiku ano, kumvetsetsa pang'ono ndi kusenda mozama kungakuthandizeni kuthana ndi chigololo bwino.
Zoona zake: Ngakhale kuti anthu ena amayamba kubwezera mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo kenako n’kuyambanso chibwenzi, ziŵerengero zimasonyeza kuti kubwezera chifukwa chimene chinawabisira n’chimodzi mwa zinthu zochititsa chidwi kwambiri. Nthawi zambiri, mnzakeyo amakhala ndi nkhawa zambiri komanso amakhala ndi nkhawa moti sangathe kuyang'ana aliyense kupatulapo iye yekha.
Ibibazo
Banja likhoza kupulumuka pamene chigololo chachitika n’kukhala champhamvu kapena kuti chikhoza kutha chifukwa cha chitsenderezo choyamba. Zimatengera momwe mwamuna kapena mkazi amachitira atapusitsidwa komanso ngati okwatirana akufuna kuti adutse.
Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa American Psychological Association, pafupifupi 20% mpaka 40% ya maukwati amatchula kusakhulupirika monga chifukwa cha kusudzulana. Chigololo ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe zimayambitsa kupatukana ngakhale kuti zifukwa zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu azizembera zimasiyana malinga ndi ubale wina ndi mnzake.
N’zovuta kukhulupirira mwamuna kapena mkazi wachinyengo chifukwa palibe chitsimikizo chakuti sadzasocheranso. Mwamuna kapena mkazi atha kukhululuka ndikubwereranso ndi mnzake wachinyengo koma chidaliro chidzachepetsedwa kwambiri.
Ululu umene umabwera chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika udzakhalapo kwa nthawi yaitali chifukwa chikhulupiriro chanu chasweka, koma kwa nthawi yaitali, ngati munthu wachinyengo amayesetsa kukonzanso chiyanjano ndi kubwezeretsanso chikhulupiliro cha mnzanuyo, n'zotheka kukhala wokondwa kachiwiri.
Kukhululukira Chigololo cha Mnzanga Kuti Ndibwezere Moyo Wanga
Mitundu 3 Ya Amuna Omwe Ali Ndi Nkhani Ndi Momwe Mungawazindikire
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
