Kodi zotsatira za chibwenzi pakati pa okwatirana ndi zotani? Funso limeneli nthawi zambiri limakhala m'maganizo mwathu tikamaona anthu awiri okwatirana ali pachibwenzi chakunja kwa ukwati. Ndipotu, olemba, opanga mafilimu, ndi ojambula aluso ayesa kuyankha funsoli kudzera m'njira zawo. Pachifukwa ichi, ndikufuna kutchula mafilimu awiri omwe akuwonetsa zotsatira ziwiri zosiyana kwambiri za chibwenzi pamene onse awiri akwatirana. Limodzi ndi Damage (1991) ndi lina ndi Little Children (2006) , lopangidwa patatha zaka 15 (zowononga patsogolo).
Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti, Kuwonongeka kumasonyeza lingaliro lenileni la zomwe zimachitika anthu awiri omwe ali pachibwenzi akayamba kuchita zachinyengo ndikuyamba chibwenzi kunja kwa ukwati. Koma ana aang'ono amaona kuti anthu awiri okwatirana akuchita chibwenzi, ndipo onse awiri amapulumuka zolakwa zawo popanda zotsatirapo zake.
Koma kodi maubwenzi awiriwa angakhalebe opanda mavuto komanso opanda zipsera pamene onse awiri achita chigololo atakwatirana? Katswiri wa zamaganizo Jayant Sundaresan anatitsogolera kumvetsetsa momwe anthu awiri okwatirana amakhalira pachikondi ndikuyamba chibwenzi kunja kwa ukwati.
Kodi Zinthu Zapakati pa Anthu Okwatirana Zimatha?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Funso ili ndi lofunika kwambiri ndipo palibe ziwerengero zoti zitsimikizire yankho langa. Koma ngati titatsatira zomwe tawona m'moyo weniweni, tinganene kuti izi sizikhalitsa, kapena zochepa chabe zimakhalapo. Monga momwe zasonyezera mu Little Children, anthu awiri okwatirana omwe anali pachibwenzi anali okonzeka kuchoka panyumba ndikuthawa koma sanathe kuvomereza.
Pamene Sarah asintha malingaliro ake mphindi yomaliza ndikusankha kukhala ndi banja lake, wokongola wake, Brad, anakumana ndi ngozi popita kukakumana naye. Achipatala atafika, amasankha kuyitana mkazi wake pa wokondedwa wake. Izi ziyenera kuyembekezera pamene anthu aŵiri okwatirana amene ali pachibwenzi akukakamizika kusankha pakati pa zokonda zawo zachikondi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi (ndipo mwinanso ana). Ndicho chifukwa chake, pamene onse awiri ali pabanja, nthawi zambiri amakhala osayenda bwino.
Anthu ochepa okwatirana ndi omwe amatenga njira yochoka m'mabanja awo ndipo nthawi zambiri amabwerera kwa anzawo kapena kupitiriza chibwenzi mpaka atangomaliza kuwauza. Kutha kwa Kuwonongeka kumakhala kochititsa chidwi kwambiri. Mwamuna wokwatira amapitiriza chibwenzi chake mwachinsinsi ndi chibwenzi cha mwana wake koma mwana wakeyo amamupeza ali pabedi. Mnyamata wokhumudwayo anagwa pansi pa masitepe mpaka kufa, zomwe zinapangitsa kuti anthu awiriwa omwe anagwidwa pachibwenzicho awononge chilichonse.
Tiyeni timve kuchokera kwa katswiri wathu za nthawi yanthawi zonse zomwe zimachitika pakati pa abwenzi apabanja, ogwira nawo ntchito, kapena mabwenzi, ndipo koposa zonse - chifukwa chomwe amathera. Malinga ndi kunena kwa Jayant, “Kaŵirikaŵiri, zotulukapo zambiri za kafukufuku zimasonyeza kuti zinthu zoterozo zimapitirira kwa miyezi ingapo kapena kwa chaka chimodzi.
Jayant akunena za zifukwa zomwe anthu okwatirana amachitira chinyengo kwa okondedwa awo, "Kwa anthu ambiri, kumverera kokhala m'chikondi kumachepa pang'onopang'ono ndipo moyo wamba, wosasangalatsa umabwereranso. Makhalidwe ndi makhalidwe apadera omwe adawapeza okondeka mwa okondedwa awo nthawi zina, amayamba kuzimiririka. Zizindikiro zofiira ndi zinthu zosasangalatsa zimatenga malo awo.
“Mumakonda munthu watsopanoyu chifukwa chakuti akufuna kukupatsani zinthu zina zimene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu sangafune (kapena sakufuna) kutero.” Komanso, pali moto umene umatuluka m’magazi anu pamene muli pachibwenzi.
"Popeza mukuwonana kwa nthawi yochepa chabe ya tsiku lanu, osakhala nawo 24 × 7, mbendera zofiira zimatenga nthawi kuti ziwonekere."
Kuti mupeze makanema ambiri a akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.
Kodi chimachitika n'chiyani ngati onse ali pabanja koma ayamba kukondana?
Izi sizikutanthauza kuti chibwenzi pakati pa okwatirana sichikhalitsa. Zimadalira momwe anthu awiri akuganizira kwambiri za chibwenzicho. Nthawi zambiri, anthu amafunafuna zinthu - modziwa kapena mosadziwa - zomwe alibe muukwati wawo ndipo akangolandira kuchokera kwa wina, amakhutira. Chilakolako chamaganizo kapena chilakolako ndizofala m'mabanja akunja. Ndicho chifukwa chake akamadzimva kuti ali ndi mlandu komanso manyazi, amayesa kubwerera m'mbuyo ndikuyanjananso muukwati. Zachidziwikire, chibwenzi cha okwatirana sichikhalitsa m'mikhalidwe yotere.
Koma pali anthu amene ali ndi zibwenzi zochitira nkhanza kapena okwatirana opanda udindo amene amafunitsitsa kutuluka m’banjamo. Monga zinachitikira ndi Ashley, Ammayi, ndi mwamuna wake Ritz, wotsogolera. Poyamba anali mabwenzi, koma anali m’mabanja amavuto. Iwo anagwerana, kusudzulana ndi akazi awo, ndipo tsopano ali m’banja losangalala. Pamenepa, anthu aŵiri okwatirana kukhala pachibwenzi kunadzetsa chisangalalo chosatha.
Mukakhala pachibwenzi, onse awiri ali pabanja koma ayamba kukondana, ndikofunikira kuyimbira mwamphamvu za tsogolo la mabanja anu komanso ubale wanu. Kodi mwakonzeka kusiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndikuyamba moyo limodzi? Kapena mudzasiya chikondi chanu kuti mupulumutse banja lanu? Uku sikophweka kuyimba, koma simungapitirize kukhala ndi moyo wachiphamaso.
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Kodi anthu okwatirana amayamba bwanji?
Funso lina lovuta kulifunsa. Koma ndiyambe ndi kunena kuti zibwenzi pakati pa okwatirana ndizofala. Ziwerengero zikusonyeza kuti 30-60% ya okwatirana ku US nthawi zina amakhala ndi zibwenzi kunja kwa ukwati. Kafukufuku wochitidwa ndi pulogalamu ya Gleeden dating ku India wasonyeza kuti akazi 7 mwa 10 aliwonse amabera akazi awo kuti athawe maukwati osasangalatsa.
Kuyambitsa chibwenzi kunja kukuwoneka ngati chinthu chophweka masiku ano chifukwa sikovuta kukumana nthawi ya intaneti ino. Zinthu zambiri zimayamba ndi kukambirana. Ndipo chifukwa cha malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, kutumizirana mameseji pompopompo, ndi mapulogalamu oyimba makanema apakanema, palibe kusowa kwa njira zoyambira zokambirana ndikuzipitiliza.
Anthu awiri akakwatirana ndi ena, nthawi zambiri zimachitika kuti amakumana kangapo pagulu asanayambe kukumana mobisa ndipo chibwenzicho chimayamba. Misonkhano ya pagulu imapitirira pambuyo pake, kuti apitirize chinyengocho. Ubwenzi wa mu ofesi nthawi zambiri umasanduka nkhani za mu ofesi . Nthawi zina, anthu amakumananso pa mapulogalamu a chibwenzi. Kapena akhoza kukhala mabwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali pomwe mwadzidzidzi amamva kuti ndi okondana kwambiri kuposa kale ndipo chibwenzicho chimatha.
Ndizovuta kudziwa momwe chibwenzi chapakati pa anthu awiri okwatirana chimayambira ndendende, koma masiku ano, palibe njira zochepa zomwe zingatheke. Tiyeni tiwone zomwe Jayant akunena pa izi. “Anthu ambiri amaloŵa m’zibwenzi n’cholinga chofuna kudzimva kuti ndi wokongola, kuti adzimvenso kuti amakondedwa.” Iwo amasangalala kukhala pachibwenzi chatsopanochi, chomvetsa chisoni n’chakuti banja lawo latha.
"Zingakhalenso nkhani ya mwayi wosowa chifukwa cha zakale zomwe mudachita. Chibwenzi chakunja kwa banja chingachitikenso pamene vuto la pakati pa moyo wanu likukhudza kwambiri munthu. Kupeza chibwenzi ndi mnzanu wachinyamata kumachepetsa kukhumudwa kwawo chifukwa chodziona ngati wachikulire komanso wakale. Kwa anthu ena, ndi kukhazikika pang'onopang'ono koyamba komanso kukhala watsopano kwa chibwenzi. Ndipo kwa ena, ndi moyo wawo wogonana wosakhutiritsa womwe umawakakamiza kubweretsa munthu wachitatu mu mgwirizanowu."
“Ngati okwatirana aŵiri analoŵa m’banja adakali aang’ono kwambiri, mwachiwonekere chimenecho sichinali chosankha cha mkhalidwe wamaganizo wokhwima.” Zaka zisanu kapena khumi pambuyo pake, iwo angazindikire kuti asiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo kotheratu.
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Kodi zinthu zimawakhudza bwanji okwatirana pamene onyenga onse ali pabanja?
Ponena za zotsatira za chibwenzi pakati pa anthu okwatirana pa akazi awo, mlangizi wa zamaganizo komanso katswiri wa zamaganizo Sampreeti Das anati, "Chibwenzi chakunja kwa ukwati sichibisika kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi. Pangakhale zovuta kuchitsutsa chifukwa cha zinthu zingapo. Komabe, chimasiya mnzanu winayo ndi mafunso okhudza iwo eni komanso kuthekera kokhulupirirana ndi wina."
“Ngakhale kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi sali ndi thayo la kuputa vuto lililonse, iwo angadziimbe mlandu chifukwa cha chinyengo cha mwamuna kapena mkazi wake.” Ndiyeno, pamakhala zinthu zoika moyo pachiswe m’maganizo pamene mnzawo wa muukwati apanga chosankha chochita chibwenzi kunja kwa banja.
Chokhalitsa komanso chachifupi chake ndi chakuti pamene onse onyenga akwatirana, chibwenzicho chikhoza kusokonezeka mofulumira kwambiri. Tengani chitsanzo cha Sherry ndi James amene maukwati awo anawonongeka kwambiri pambuyo pa chibwenzi cha Sherry ndi bwenzi lakale la ku koleji. Awiriwo adakumananso pang'ono m'masiku amenewo, kenako adapitiliza ndi moyo wawo. Zaka zingapo pambuyo pake, Sherry adalumikizana ndi moto wake wakale pawailesi yakanema, ndipo pomwe awiriwa adayamba kuyankhulana, chinthu chimodzi chidatsogolera china ndipo adamaliza kukhala pachibwenzi.
Sherry anakondana ndi mnzake amene anasochera naye kwa nthawi yayitali ndipo anamuuza James za nkhaniyi. Koma nayenso anali kukonda James ndipo sanali wokonzeka kupereka nsembe ukwati wake chifukwa cha chibwenzi chake. Atakhala nthawi yosiyana, ndikuyamba chithandizo cha banja, awiriwa adaganiza zobwereranso ndikukhala limodzi ngakhale kuti anali osakhulupirika . Kuchira ku vutoli kwakhala ulendo wautali kwa James. Ngakhale kuti wapita patsogolo, sakumva kuti angamukhulupirire Sherry kwathunthu ngakhale tsopano, kapena nthawi ina iliyonse.
Polankhula za zotsatira za zochitika pamene onse akwatirana, Jayant anati: “Chiyambukiro chamwamsanga kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi woberedwa chidzakhala chakuti adzadzimva kukhala osakhulupirika.” Iwo angakumane ndi mikwingwirima yambirimbiri monga mkwiyo, mkwiyo, chisoni, ndi kutaya chidaliro ndi chidaliro cha kugonana.
“Komanso, sikunena za 'kodi anthu adzadziwa?', koma zambiri za 'Kodi anthu adzadziwa liti?' Mukakhala ndi chibwenzi, mumayiwala kuti mukuitana mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kuti achite manyazi.
"Chovuta kwambiri ndi chakuti munthu amene muli naye pachibwenzi ndi mnzake wa mnzanu kapena m'bale wake. Kenako, zimakhala zovuta kwambiri chifukwa amaperekedwa kuchokera mbali ziwiri nthawi imodzi. Mwamuna kapena mkaziyo angavutike kwambiri kukhulupirira wina aliyense mtsogolo, kaya ndi ubale uwu kapena wotsatira. Zimakhala zovuta kwambiri ngati mnzanuyo akuwonetsa makhalidwe ochenjeza a munthu wonyenga nthawi zambiri ."
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Kodi anthu okwatirana amatha bwanji?
N’zoona kuti nkhani zambiri za anthu okwatirana zimatha chifukwa chakuti n’zovuta kupitiriza chibwenzicho. Anthu okwatirana akamachitirana chinyengo pamakhala nthawi yochepa kuti agwidwe. Chibwenzicho chikadziwika, anthu onse omwe ali pachibwenzi amayenera kuthana ndi zonena komanso mkwiyo wa okwatiranawo. Ndipo ngati ana akhudzidwa, zimakhala zovuta kwambiri.
Zotulukapo za kugonana kunja kwa ukwati pakati pa okwatirana zimakhala zowononga nthaŵi zina. Ndiponso, zikuoneka kuti akazi amavutika kuchoka panyumba kapena kuthetsa ukwati wovunda kuposa amuna. Zotsatira zake, zimabweretsa zovuta zina ngati onyengawo akuyang'ana tsogolo limodzi.
Malingana ndi Jayant, "Nthawi zambiri, zibwenzi zapakati pa mabwenzi zimathera mosokoneza. Mwachitsanzo, ngati chinali nkhani ya ofesi, pangakhale zovuta kuti mugwire ntchito limodzi ndi wokondedwa wanu wakale pambuyo pake. Pamene chifukwa chachikulu chomwe chibwenzicho chinayambira sichikukwaniritsidwanso, ndiye kuti munthu mmodzi amayesa kupatuka paubwenziwo. Kugwidwa ndi njira ina yodziwikiratu yomwe munthu amachitira, ndipo winayo amachitiranso chiwonongeko. pitilizani, zotulukapo zake zitha kukhala zoyipa kwambiri. ”
Ngakhale, palibe kukana mfundo yakuti pali nkhani zina zosazolowereka za chibwenzi chakunja kwa ukwati pakati pa okwatirana. Mwachitsanzo, ganizirani izi: Mwamuna wina sakanatha kukwatira wokondedwa wake chifukwa cha mavuto a anthu, koma anakwatirana pambuyo pake pamene onse anakwatirana. Anakhalabe m'chikondi kwa zaka 20 zotsatira. Iye akunena kuti, "Tinapulumuka chifukwa tinabisala ndipo tinkakhala m'maiko osiyana ndipo sitinkakumana kawirikawiri. Ngati chinali chibwenzi chokwanira ndipo aliyense atadziwa, mwina tikanayenera kusiya chifukwa tonsefe tili ndi ana akuluakulu omwe sakanavomereza."
Stuart, yemwe ndi pulofesa wa ku koleji, ali pachibwenzi ndi mnzake wa kuntchito . Onse awiri ali pabanja ndipo ali ndi ana. Iye anati, “Tonse takwatirana koma tayamba kukondana. Ndi ubale wokhutiritsa kwambiri. Sindikufuna kusiya. Ndidzakhalabe mwamuna komanso bambo wokhulupirika koma iye ndi gawo lofunika kwambiri pa moyo wanga. Mkazi wanga ayenera kuvomereza zimenezo.”
Monga momwe Anton Chekov akunenera mu mzere womaliza wa nkhani yake yodziwika bwino ya Lady With The Pet Dog , nkhani yomwe imayang'ana za chibwenzi pakati pa okwatirana:
Kenako anakhala nthawi yaitali akukambirana, kukambirana za mmene angapewere kufunikira kwa chinsinsi, chinyengo, kukhala m’matauni osiyanasiyana ndi kusaonana kwa nthawi yaitali. Kodi akanamasuka bwanji ku ukapolo wosapiririka umenewu?
“Bwanji? Adafunsa atagwira mutu wake. "Bwanji?"
Ndipo zinaoneka ngati kuti m’kanthawi kochepa yankho likadzapezeka, ndiyeno moyo watsopano ndi wokongola ukayamba; ndipo zinali zoonekeratu kwa onse aŵiriwo kuti adakali ndi ulendo wautali, wautali, ndi kuti mbali yovuta kwambiri ndi yovuta ya njirayo inali itangoyamba kumene.
Tangoganizani kuti zimenezo ndi zotsatira za chibwenzi pakati pa anthu awiri okwatirana. Chimakhala chovuta kuyambira pachiyambi mpaka kumapeto. Simungangonena kuti, “Chilichonse chili bwino m’chikondi” ndikuchotsa maudindo anu paubwenzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu.
Funsani m'matumbo anu mobwerezabwereza ngati kumverera uku ndi chikondi chenicheni kapena gawo lochepa la kutengeka mtima. Tiyerekeze kuti mwasiya banja lanu, n’kukwatiwa ndi wokondedwa wanu, ndipo patapita zaka zambiri, mwazindikira kuti mwasiya kukondana. Tangoganizirani zovuta ndi zovuta zomwe mungakumane nazo panthawiyo.
Jayant akufotokoza momwe anthu okwatirana omwe amabera anzawo ayenera kukhalira mwachilungamo, "Ngati muwona zizindikiro zakuti chibwenzi chanu chayamba kukhala chikondi , pangani njira kwa anthu omwe alipo m'banja mwanu musanayambe chibwenzi chatsopano. Kenako tulukani m'banja mwalamulo. Pambuyo pake, khalani nokha kwa kanthawi kuti muganizire zomwe mungasankhe pa moyo wanu ndikuganizira momwe mukufuna kupitiliza ndi mutu wotsatira."
Ndiye, komaliza, kodi mukufunadi kusiya ukwatiwu? Kapena, kodi ndi moyo watsiku ndi tsiku womwe mukuyesera kuthawa pothamangitsa chinsinsi (komabe chosangalatsa) moyo wofanana? Kodi mwayesapo chilichonse chimene mungathe kuti ukwati wanu ukhale wabwino? Chifukwa muukwati wotsatira, ngakhale padzakhala bwenzi latsopano, mudzabweretsa ndondomeko yofanana ya malingaliro ndi kusatetezeka. Pokhapokha atagwiritsiridwa ntchito, sizikhala zosiyana. Tikukhulupirira, mudzalingalira izi musanadumphe chikhulupiriro.
Ibibazo
Anthu okwatirana amene ali ndi zibwenzi pafupifupi nthaŵi zonse amakhala chotulukapo cha kusoŵa chomangira chaukwati. M’malo moyesetsa kuthetsa mavuto a m’banja, anthu amatenga njira yosavuta yowonjezerera vuto la m’banja mwawo ndi chibwenzi.
Palibe njira yofotokozera zifukwa ndi malingaliro omwe amayambitsa chibwenzi. Zonse zimadalira anthu awiri omwe akukhudzidwa. Izi zikuti, kulowa pachibwenzi chifukwa chokondana ndi munthu wina yemwe si mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu n'kofala ngati kunyenga chifukwa cha zilakolako.
Choyamba, kusunga chibwenzi n’kosatheka. Pa milandu yosakwana 25%, anthu amasiya akazi awo chifukwa chachinyengo. Zikakhala kuti anthu awiri okwatirana ali pachibwenzi, ndiye kuti mavutowo amachulukirachulukira kwa anthu omwe akuchita chibwenzi mobisa.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
Kugwirizana ndi mapeto kuti maukwati owonjezera amayamba kukhala ovuta koma molingana ndi ine amayamba ndi adrenaline kuthamanga, mphuno ya achinyamata omwe ali ndi manyazi ndi agulugufe m'mimba ndipo amatha ndi chisoni, manyazi ndi kudziimba mlandu. Monga moto woyambira ndi kuwala ndi kutentha ndi kutha ndi phulusa imvi.