Mitundu 11 Yaubwenzi Wama Taboo Omwe Muyenera Kudziwa

Kufalitsa chikondi

Padziko lonse lapansi, ana nthawi zambiri amakula akumvetsera nkhani zachikondi zolongosoka. Tikapunthwa pa nkhani ndi maubwenzi omwe amatsutsa momwe zinthu zilili, chithunzithunzi chodabwitsa ichi cha momwe chikondi chiyenera kuonekera chimagwedezeka. Maubwenzi osavomerezeka awa nthawi zambiri amapitilira kukhazikika.

Ngati mumakonda nkhani za chikondi choletsedwa, monga momwe ndimachitira ine, simungawerenge buku lodziwika bwino la Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter . Pokumbukira nkhani ya Hester Prynne ndi chikondi chake chosavomerezeka pagulu, tiyeni tikambirane zambiri za tanthauzo ndi mitundu ya maubwenzi oletsedwa. Pakhala maubwenzi ambiri oletsedwa padziko lonse lapansi omwe anthu ambiri sakuvomereza.

Anthu awiri akamatsutsana ndi malingaliro odziwika bwino achikondi, ubale wawo wosavomerezeka umakhala nkhani m'tawuni. Anthu, mokulira, kaŵirikaŵiri amatsutsa maunansi oipitsidwa m’dziko ozikidwa pa kampasi ya makhalidwe abwino. Koma nthawi zambiri, malingaliro oweruza awa amakonda kunyalanyaza chiyero cha malingaliro omwe amayendetsa tanthauzo la maubwenzi osavomerezekawo. Lowani nafe mwatsatanetsatane zitsanzo zodziwika bwino zaubwenzi ndipo dziwani kuti simuli nokha.

Mitundu 11 Yaubwenzi Wama Taboo Omwe Muyenera Kudziwa

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

Kodi munayamba mwadzipeza kuti muli paubwenzi wochititsa manyazi koma wosangalatsa? Kodi mukudziwa munthu wina amene akutsutsidwa chifukwa chochita chibwenzi ndi anthu amitundu yosiyanasiyana? Kodi mumangofuna kutsimikizira pang'ono za ulendo wanu waposachedwa wachikondi? Mwinamwake bwenzi lanu lapamtima lakumanapo ndi wina, ndipo ubale wawo ndi wopenga. Tiloleni tikuthandizeni kuzindikira maubwenzi osamvetsetseka, osavomerezeka komanso zotsatira zake zakhalidwe labwino (zowerenga zokondweretsa).

Maubwenzi osavomerezeka ndi omwe savomerezedwa ndi anthu kapena amawaona kuti ndi osayenera. Zifukwa za kutsutsidwa kumeneku mwina zimachokera ku chisinthiko cha maganizo (monga ubale wa kusiyana kwa zaka), malamulo a chikhalidwe cha anthu ndi miyambo ya chikhalidwe cha anthu (monga maubwenzi apakati pa mafuko, maubwenzi apanyumba), kapena kuyesa kusunga mphamvu (monga ubale wa aphunzitsi ndi ophunzira, ubale wa bwana ndi mlembi).

Koma mitima yathu ndi yoyendayenda mosalekeza - sakhulupirira kutsekeredwa m'ndende. Ngati mudzikakamiza kukonda muli patali , mtima wanu udzakukakamizani kupita patsogolo kumeneko. N'zachilendo kukhala ndi chikhumbo chofuna kupeza zoona zenizeni nokha. Ngati ndicho chinthu chimodzi chomwe mukufuna kuphunzira kuchokera ku maubwenzi onse oletsedwa padziko lapansi, ndiye kuti zikhale choncho. Ngakhale anthu atakuuzani zosiyana, lolani mtima wanu ukhale chitsogozo chanu. Zingakupatseni chisangalalo chomwe mukuyenera. Tiyeni tipite ku zigawenga ndikupeza mitundu 11 ya maubwenzi oletsedwa omwe muyenera kudziwa:

1. Chikondi cha m'kalasi ndi pulofesa wanu

Tonse takhala ndi zilakolako zochititsa manyazi kwa anthu omwe sitinkayenera kuwayang'ana poyamba. Komabe, nthawi zina, anthu amasankha kugonjera ku zilakolako zokakamiza zoterozo. Mwachiwonekere, unansi umenewu ungakhale wolungama mwamakhalidwe kokha pamene onsewo ali achikulire ndipo pali kuvomereza kodziŵitsidwa pakati pawo.

Ngakhale kuti anthu amanyoza lingaliro la kukhala ndi kusweka pang'ono kwa alangizi kapena aphunzitsi anu, sikuli chopinga choyenera ku malingaliro achikondi. Ngati mumadzipeza kuti mukugwa mutu kwa pulofesa wanu, tiloleni tikukumbutseni kuti sindiwe woyamba kuchitapo kanthu. Nthawi zambiri m'mbuyomu, anthu adapanduka ndikufunafuna anzawo amoyo. Musatilole ife kapena wina aliyense kuti akuuzeni choti muchite. Inu muli nacho ichi.

2. 'Kukonda' azisuweni achiwiri

Izi n'zovuta pang'ono, tikudziwa. Kodi mwakhala mukudikira kuti munthu mmodziyo akuzindikireni koma kenako n’kupeza kuti ndinu wachibale wa m’banja? Pepani! Maubwenzi ambiri oletsedwa padziko lonse lapansi amaphatikizapo zitsanzo za anthu omwe akugonana kapena kukondana ndi msuweni wawo . Angakhalenso amalume achichepere omwe amachititsa manyazi kapena wachibale wakutali amene mwakumana naye kunja kwa banja lanu. Tikhulupirireni kapena ayi, ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zitsanzo zodziwika bwino za maubwenzi oletsedwa pakati pathu.

Ngakhale sitingathe kukuthandizani kutsimikizira makolo anu, ichi ndi china chomwe chingathandize: M'zikhalidwe zambiri, kuphatikizapo ku India, maubwenzi pakati pa mabanja sanyansidwa. Maukwati nthawi zambiri amalimbikitsidwa ndi azisuweni achiwiri kapena achibale akutali kuti asunge chikhalidwe chosawonongeka cha jini labanja. Zimaonedwa kuti ndi zotetezeka kuti mtsikanayo akwatiwe m’malo odziwika bwino ndipo pamapeto pake achibale awo. Osataya mtima! Mwinamwake pali chiyembekezo china.

3. Kuonjezera gawo lachitatu m’banja la awiri

Tsogolo silitsimikizira moyo wosavuta kwa aliyense. Anthu ambiri amapeza okondedwa awo kwa iwo omwe asankha kukwatirana nawo. Ena satero. Ngakhale kuti vutoli ndi losasangalatsa, tiyenera kukumbukira kuti ndi bwino kuchedwa kuposa kusachitapo kanthu. Kunyenga muubwenzi si njira yokhayo yopezera chikondi ndi munthu wina. Kuwonekera bwino komanso kuwona mtima pachiyambi cha chinthu kungathandize kuti zinthu ziyende bwino komanso kuti mitima yawo ikhale yosweka pang'ono.

M'malo mowona wina kumbuyo kwa wokondedwa wanu, mutha kuwaphatikiza popanga zisankho ndikulengeza kuti mukufuna kupita njira ina. Ubale wachinyengo nthawi zambiri umakhala wovuta kulungamitsa ndipo kukhala ndi chibwenzi ndi munthu wina wakunja kwa banja lanu kumakopa chidwi chosayenera. Ubale woterewu umafuna kuleza mtima ndi kudekha ngati inu ndi mnzanu mukufuna kutsimikizira abwenzi/banja. Mutha kuyembekezera kusewera makhadi abwino kwambiri ndikupewa kuswa mtima wa mnzanu.

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4. Mlembi wachigololo

Pali zinthu zambiri zoletsedwa zokhudza anthu omwe amachita zinthu ndi alembi awo. Chifukwa chake sichikudziwika. Ndipotu, ngati ndinu akuluakulu awiri omwe mumagwirizana, kodi pali kusiyana kotani ndi kukumana ndi munthu m'njira "yachizolowezi"? Inde, malamulo a khalidwe labwino amalangiza anthu kuti asamakonde munthu kuntchito.

Komabe, maulumikizidwe ena amapitilira mphamvu zathu ndikudzitengera okha moyo. Ngakhale palibe chopinga chowoneka chomwe anthu angachite kuti agwirizane ndi kulumikizana koteroko, ikadali imodzi mwamaubwenzi abwino kwambiri osavomerezeka. Anthu ambiri alowa muubwenzi woterewu padziko lonse lapansi, ndipo pambuyo pa zovuta zoyambirira, zidatheka. Pangani zisankho zanzeru ndikusangalala pang'ono.

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5. Mbale/mlongo wanu wapamtima ndi wokwiyitsa

Pali maubwenzi osiyanasiyana padziko lapansi koma kugwera m'bale wa bestie ndikovuta kwambiri kuthana nako. Nthawi zonse amakukondani mukasokoneza, koma mumawauza bwanji kuti mumakondana ndi mbale/mlongo wawo? Ndani angakuthandizeni pa seweroli, ngati si iwo?

Pali zitsanzo zambiri zaubwenzi padziko lonse lapansi pomwe anthu adakwatirana / kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mchimwene wawo wa bwenzi lawo lapamtima. Izi zimachitika kawirikawiri chifukwa mumawawona ali pafupi nawo - kukwera kwawo ndi kutsika kwawo, ndipo mumadzipeza kuti mukukopeka nawo mosalephera. Osachita manyazi ndi zomwe muli nazo Ross-Monica-Chandler. Mwina Monica/Chandler wanu akungodikira kuti mulengeze chikondi chanu. Lekani kuchita mantha - Ross adathana nazo. Sichoncho iye?

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6. Zinthu zikafika povuta ndi Bwana

Kaya ndinu bwana kapena mumakopeka ndi anu, ichi chingakhale chitsanzo chabwino kwambiri cha ubale wovuta mdera lathu. Kugawana zakukhosi kwanu kwa abwana anu kungakupangitseni kukuyang'anitsitsani komanso mawu okhumudwitsa kuchokera kwa anthu omwe akuzungulirani. Taboo yomwe ili pafupi ndi lingaliro ili ndi yakuti wina akuyesera kuchepetsa njira yawo yopita pamwamba ponyengerera abwana awo.

Iyi ndi njira yakale komanso yonyoza yowonera ubale uliwonse wachikondi - womwe ungakhale weniweni. Pofuna kupewa kuyambitsa nkhani yaofesi , kambiranani za ubalewu ndi zotsatira zake ndi bwana wanu ndipo musankhe ngati mwakonzeka kuulengeza poyera. Kumbukirani, palibe chomwe simungamenyane nacho ngati muli ndi chikondi chenicheni.

7. Chemistry ndi psychologist wanu?

Pa maubwenzi onse a mdierekezi-may-care taboo, uwu ndi wodabwitsa kwambiri. Mukakumana ndi munthu amene amamvetsetsa zosowa zanu zonse kapena momwe mumamvera, simungagwe bwanji? Tonsefe timafuna bwenzi lomwe litipeza. Ngakhale kuti ichi ndi chitsanzo chodziwika bwino cha ubale, ndizofala kwambiri mu psychology fraternity.

Chilakolako chofuna kugonana komanso chodzutsa maganizo pakati pa dokotala ndi wodwala chimadziwika kuti kusamutsidwa kwachiwerewere. Izi zitha kukhala zowononga kwambiri, malinga ndi psychology yamabuku, ndipo ziyenera kuthetsedwa molunjika. Ngati mukukhulupirira kuti wothandizira wanu wakhala akukukondani kapena mukumukonda, funsani poyera.

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8. Kukhala paubwenzi ndi mnzako wakale?

O, vuto! Khalani omasuka, sitinabwere kudzakuweruzani. M'dziko laling'ono la zochitika zazikuluzikuluzi, mutha kungobwereranso kufupi ndi wakale wanu. Zitha kukhala zofunikira kuthana nazo ndipo mukuwopa kuti zitha kukhala zovuta… Sichoncho? Zoona zake n'zakuti, kucheza ndi wachibale/mnzako wakale kungapangitse sewero lina mutasiyana.

Sosaiti imawona maubwenzi oterowo ngati chonyansa, makamaka ngati ubalewo unali waukwati komanso ngati muli wosudzulidwa, ndipo ndemangayo ndi - chifukwa chosowa mawu abwino - prickly. Komabe, n’chifukwa chiyani amasamala? Ngati malingaliro anu pa munthu ameneyu ali amphamvu komanso owona, tikukhulupirira kuti chikondi chanu chidzakutetezani ku zoyipa zonse. Macheza omwe amatuluka pamitu yonyansa yotere mu maubwenzi sayenera kukuvutitsani. Pitirizani kukonda, khalani inu!

9. The 'age gap' factor

Kodi wokondedwa wanu wamkulu / wamng'ono kuposa inu? Kodi anthu nthawi zambiri amawasokoneza ngati mwana / kholo lanu? Timamvetsetsa zovuta zofotokozera ubale wanu kulikonse komwe mungapite. Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu yemwe sali m'gulu lazaka zomwe mumakopeka ndi mafunso osiyanasiyana. Ndipo onsewo ndi opanda chifundo. Ndizovuta kucheza ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi kusiyana kwakukulu kwa zaka koma musalole aliyense kuti akuuzeni zoyenera kuchita.

Kodi mukucheza ndi mnyamata kapena mtsikana wachinyamata? Pakhoza kukhala kusiyana pakati pa mibadwo koma musalole zimenezo kukulepheretsani kugawana zakukhosi kwanu! Palibe zaka pankhani ya chikondi..lolani zonse zilowerere. Blake Lively ndi Ryan Reynolds, George Clooney ndi Amal Clooney, ndi Michael Douglas ndi Catherine Zeta-Jones ndi zitsanzo zabwino za maubwenzi oletsedwa omwe akhala opambana ngakhale kuti pali kusiyana kwa zaka.

Koma n'chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi a zaka kusiyana ndi osavomerezeka? Kudana ndi zaka mu ubale wachikondi kumakhala ndi kufotokozera kosinthika. Kubereka, kufunitsitsa kukhala ndi banja, ndi kukhala ndi moyo wautali wokwanira kulera mwanayo zonse ndi zifukwa zomwe anthu asinthira m'njira yakuti chikhalidwe cha chikhalidwe ndi chikhalidwe chimazungulira kukhala ndi bwenzi la msinkhu wofanana. Tsopano popeza mukudziwa chifukwa chake, kungakhale kosavuta kunyalanyaza mawu opusawo.

10. Ubale wotseguka/wa polyamorous

Zosankha monga kukhala polyamorous zimaperekedwa mosavuta kugawo laubwenzi chifukwa zimatsutsa miyambo ya anthu yomwe imati imabweretsa mtendere padziko lapansi. Ubale wotseguka / wa polyamorous umakumana ndi kutsutsidwa kwambiri. Pali kulephera kuvomereza kuti anthu awiri akhoza kukhala okonzeka kugawana zibwenzi zawo ndi wina.

Ngakhale chisokonezo cha anthu chili chovomerezeka, chiweruzo chawo sichili cholondola. Sindikudziwa za inu, koma ndikukhulupirira kuti anthu ayenera kuphunzitsidwa bwino za maubwenzi otseguka ndi lingaliro la polyamory. Komabe, kusadziwa ndi kuvomereza kwa ena sikuyenera kukulepheretsani kutsatira mtima wanu. Ngati ndi zomwe inu ndi mnzanuyo mukugwirizana, tsatirani zomwe mukufuna.

Chikondi chili ngati moto wolusa, ndipo ngati mutha kugawana nawo ambiri, bwanji osatero? Ena amakhulupirira kuti ndi njira yabwino yopangira ubalewo kukhala wosangalatsa. Zimapangitsa moyo wanu wogonana kukhala wokhazikika komanso wokondana kwambiri. Ngati mwapeza mzimu waufulu ngati inu, gwiritsitsani kwa iwo! Sangalalani pang'ono pomwe mungathe.

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11. Kunyada kwa utawaleza

Kaya ndinu munthu wachilendo kapena wogwirizana ndi gulu la LGBTQ+, tikukunyadirani. Uzani dziko lonse kuti simugwira ntchito motsatira malamulo awo. Dulani maunyolo a anthu wamba ndikusankha amene mumakonda. Ngati sakumvetsa, ndani amasamala? N'zomvetsa chisoni kuti banja lachilendo lingakope chidwi chosafunikira ngakhale m'zaka za m'ma 21. Anthu ambiri sanathe kusintha maganizo awo ndipo savomereza mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya chikondi.

Ndiye, bwanji osasiya dziko lapansi, ndikudzilingalira nokha? Dziwani zomwe mukufuna ndikutsata. Chofunika kwambiri ndichakuti mudzidziwe nokha. Ngati mutapeza munthu kapena chinachake chimene chimakupatsani chimwemwe zivute zitani, n’chifukwa chiyani jenda ndi lofunika kwambiri? Tchulani matchulidwe omwe mumakonda ndikusiya sewerolo.

Zolozera Mfungulo

Maubwenzi osavomerezeka ndi maubwenzi omwe savomerezedwa ndi anthu kapena omwe anthu amawaona kuti ndi osayenera.
Zifukwa zokanira izi mwina zimachokera mu psychology yachisinthiko, malamulo a chikhalidwe cha anthu ndi miyambo ya utsogoleri wa anthu, kapena kupewa kusagwirizana kwa mphamvu.
Chigololo, kugonana kwa makolo, kugonana pachibale nthawi zambiri zimaletsedwa
M'madera ena kusakanizikana kwa magulu a anthu sikumatsutsidwanso kwambiri, monga mgwirizano wamitundu, magulu, ndi zipembedzo.
Ubale wa kusiyana kwa zaka, maubwenzi pakati pa aphunzitsi ndi ophunzira, maubwenzi a ogwira ntchito ndi abwana ndi maubwenzi ena omwe ayenera kulandira chiweruzo kuchokera kumagulu a anzawo komanso anthu ambiri poganizira kuti akukhudzana ndi kusalinganika kwa mphamvu.

Ngati ubale wanu unali pakati pa zitsanzo khumi ndi chimodzi izi zoletsedwa paubwenzi, palibe chifukwa chochita mantha. Kungoti anthu amafuna kuti tizikhala moyo wathu mwanjira inayake sizikutanthauza kuti tsogolo lathu limapereka moyo wolembedwa ndi mabuku. Chibwenzi cha anthu osinthana mitundu kapena ubale wa anthu osintha mitundu, chikondi cha anthu amtundu umodzi kapena chibwenzi cha anthu osakanikirana mitundu kapena mitundu, chikondi ndi choyenera m'njira zonse. Mwina munayamba kukondana muli ndi zaka 11, mwina simunapeze chikondi ngakhale muli ndi zaka 50 - ndani anganene kuti ndani ali wolondola?

Maubwenzi osavomerezeka akhalapo kuyambira nthawi yomwe Mulungu ankayendayenda padziko lapansi. Aphrodite, mulungu wamkazi wachikondi yekha, adalimbana ndi zokonda zake. Ngati nkhani yanu ikuwoneka ngati yachilendo koma sikugwirizana ndi maubwenzi omwe tatchulidwa pamwambapa, musadandaule. Pamene cholinga chanu chomaliza ndi chikondi, mudzapeza njira. Kuyenda ndi aliyense kapena kusankha njira ina ndi chisankho chomwe muyenera kupanga. Maubwenzi osavomerezeka sangavomerezedwe kamodzi kokha. Funso ndilakuti, kodi muli ndi njala yovomerezeka kapena chikondi?

Ibibazo

1. Kodi ndi ubale wotani womwe umawonedwa ngati wosaloledwa?

Maubale oipitsidwa kwambiri amangokhala maubwenzi omwe savomerezedwa ndi anthu kapena omwe anthu amawaona kuti ndi osayenera. Zifukwa zokanira izi zitha kukhala zosiyanasiyana koma nthawi zambiri pamakhala chigamulo chotsatira pamakhalidwe otere.

2. Kodi zina mwa zitsanzo za chikondi choletsedwa ndi ziti?

Ubwenzi uliwonse wachikondi umene umatsutsidwa ndi anthu umakhala pansi pa chikondi choletsedwa. Ganizirani maubwenzi a ophunzira ndi aphunzitsi, chigololo, maubwenzi a antchito ndi abwana, maubwenzi apakati pa mitundu, magulu, zipembedzo, ndi maubwenzi ena otere.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.