10 Tsegulani Ubale Malamulo Amene Ayenera Kutsatiridwa Kuti Igwire Ntchito

Pamene tanthauzo la chikondi likukulirakulira tsiku lililonse likapita, maubwenzi akhala amadzimadzi. Maubwenzi otseguka ndi polyamory sizimvekanso. Komabe, ngakhale maubale ambiri amafunikira malamulo oyambira kuti apewe kupweteka kosafunikira komanso kusamvetsetsana. M'nkhaniyi, tikubweretserani mayankho a mafunso monga, "Kodi maubwenzi angatsegule?" ndi "Kodi malamulo ena omasuka ndi otani?"

Kuti timvetse bwino momwe maubwenzi otseguka amagwirira ntchito, tidalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Sampreeti Das (wofufuza wa Masters mu Clinical Psychology ndi Ph.D.), yemwe ndi katswiri wa Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, ndi Holistic and Transformational Psychotherapy. Tiyeni tiwone momwe tingakhalire ndi ubale wotseguka wopambana.

Kodi Ubale Wotseguka Ndi Chiyani?

Chibwenzi chotseguka chimatsutsa lingaliro lakuti anthu mwachibadwa amakhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi. Kutsegula ubale ndikuvomereza kuti mnzako wosakwatiwa sangathe kukwaniritsa zosowa zanu zonse - m'maganizo, m'maganizo, m'maganizo, komanso pogonana. Maubwenzi otseguka nthawi zambiri amatha kusokonezedwa ndi polyamory. Popeza onsewa ndi olumikizana ndi madzimadzi, pali zophatikizika zina ndipo zonse ndizovuta kufotokoza momveka bwino.

• Nthawi zambiri, maubwenzi omasuka amamveka ngati okhudzana ndi chibwenzi chimodzi pomwe amalola ogonana angapo
• A mgwirizano wa polyamorous, kumbali ina, akukhudzidwa ndi malingaliro ndi malingaliro ndi anthu angapo nthawi imodzi. 

Izi zikunenedwa, palibe malangizo okhazikika a momwe mungakhalire paubwenzi womasuka. Nthawi zambiri zimakhala kwa maphwando okhudzidwa kukhazikitsa malire ndikufotokozera chomwe chiri ubale womasuka kwa iwo.

Kodi maubwenzi omasuka a mbali imodzi ndi otani?

Maubwenzi omasuka a mbali imodzi ndi onena za m'modzi mwa anthu omwe ali ndi chibwenzi ndi anthu ena ndipo winayo satero. Pali zifukwa zingapo zomwe banja lingasankhire ubale womasuka wa mbali imodzi, monga:

• Mmodzi sangathe kugonana, ndi wosagonana kapena wogonana
• Mmodzi watero anasiya chidwi ndi kugonana Pambuyo paukwati wautali
• Mmodzi ndi wokonda mitala kapena akufuna kufufuza ubale wa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha muukwati wawo wogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

Koma maukwati omasuka a mbali imodzi kapena maubwenzi amafunikiranso kuona mtima ndi kulankhulana kwambiri chifukwa nsanje ndi kusungirana chuma zimangobwera.

Malamulo a maubwenzi omasuka a mbali imodzi amafuna kuti amene akupitiriza kukhala ndi chibwenzi chokhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi ayenera kudziwitsidwa za maubwenzi angapo a mnzakeyo. Ngati ali ndi kusungitsa koyenera ndi zopempha, zimenezo ziyenera kulemekezedwa.

Vuto lokhalo ndilakuti maukwati otseguka mbali imodzi kapena maubwenzi amatha kukhala osayenera pamene mnzawo m'modzi akakamizika kupereka chilolezo chifukwa akuopa kuti mnzawoyo awasiya kapena akufuna kusunga ukwatiwo kwa ana awo. Koma monga maubwenzi onse otseguka, malamulo a maubwenzi otseguka mbali imodzi amati ndi osinthika. Ngati okwatiranawo akuona kuti sizikuyenda bwino, akhoza kubwerera ku kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi yekha. Izi ndi zoona, ngati ndi mgwirizano wabwino komanso wolemekezeka.

Kodi maubwenzi omasuka ndi abwino?

Kukhala muubwenzi wotseguka si chinthu chachizolowezi ndipo anthu ena otsutsa angakane mawu amenewa, koma maubwenzi otseguka ndi abwino ngati maubwenzi a m'modzi yekha . Amafunikira ntchito yamaganizo, yamaganizo, komanso yakuthupi monga momwe amafunikira maubwenzi a m'modzi yekha. Pali kudalirana, chilakolako, ndewu, chinyengo, ndi kusweka muubwenzi wotseguka monga momwe zilili ndi maubwenzi a m'modzi yekha.

Nkhani yaposachedwa yomwe inafalitsidwa mu The New York Times , yofufuza za maganizo a maubwenzi otseguka, inati okwatirana omwe ali muubwenzi wotseguka amakhala ndi milingo yofanana ya kukhutitsidwa, thanzi la maganizo komanso kukhutitsidwa pogonana monga momwe amachitira omwe ali muubwenzi wa m'modzi yekha. Sampreeti akunena kuti dongosolo lililonse la ubale wa akuluakulu, wogwirizana lomwe mumakhala nalo bwino komanso lomwe limakwaniritsa zosowa zanu zamaganizo ndi zogonana ndi labwino.

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Ndiye, kodi maubwenzi omasuka ndi abwino? Inde. Malingana ngati okondedwawo ali pamlingo wofanana ndikukhala okhutira m'maganizo, m'malingaliro, ndi pakugonana. Kumene, izo zimadalira malamulo omasuka ukwati kapena lotseguka ubale malire mwakhazikitsa.

Kodi maubwenzi otseguka angagwire ntchito?

Inde, ngati mukudziwa momwe mungakhalire pachibwenzi chotseguka popanda kulola kusakhulupirika, nsanje, ndi mantha kuti ziwononge. Komabe, musanayambe chibwenzi chotseguka, muyenera kudzifunsa ngati mukufuna kuti ubale wanu ukhale wotseguka kuti mukhale ndi ufulu wogonana kapena ndi njira yodzipatula kwa mnzanu. Kukumana ndi mnzanu nthawi zonse, kusunga chilungamo chonse, ndi malamulo osiyanasiyana omwe mudakhazikitsa musanayambe kungapangitse ubale wotseguka kukhala wokongola momwe mukufunira.

Kodi ubale womasuka ungapulumutse ubale?

Ubwenzi umachepa chifukwa cha kusalankhulana , komanso kusagwirizana kwa thupi ndi maganizo. Mipata nthawi zambiri imakhala yowonekera bwino ngati tsiku, makamaka kwa munthu wakunja amene akuyang'ana. Ngati awiriwa akuganiza kuti angapulumutse ubale wawo poutsegula, ndiye kuti udzawononga kwambiri ubale wawo m'malo mouthandiza.

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Kodi Malamulo Otsegula Achibale Kuti Apange Bwino Ndi Chiyani?

Zikafika pokhala paubwenzi womasuka, banja lililonse ndi wokondedwa aliyense adzakhala ndi kumvetsetsa kosiyana ndi ziyembekezo. Ndi malamulo ati a maubwenzi omasuka omwe amagwira ntchito kwa banja limodzi mwina sangagwire ntchito kwa wina, kotero kuti 'chilolezo' chomwe chimatanthauzidwa 'chilolezo' chingakhale chosamveka nthawi zina. Komanso, kukhazikitsa malamulo ndi cholinga chachikulu kukutetezani, kugonana ndi maganizo, ndi kupewa nsanje pa equation.

" Malamulo a ubale ndi ofunikira kuti timvetse bwino zomwe tingayembekezere. Amalamulira kayendetsedwe ka zinthu zonse. Ndipotu, amatithandiza kupewa kusamveka bwino kulikonse kokhudzana ndi kutsanzira maubwenzi osiyanasiyana omwe tonsefe tili nawo chifukwa cha chikhalidwe chathu." Sampreeti akutero, pofotokoza momwe tingakhalire ndi ubale wotseguka bwino.

Ngati malirewo sakufotokozedwa bwino, psychology ya maubwenzi otseguka nthawi zambiri imasiya malo a nsanje ndi kulankhulana kosamveka komwe kungapangitse zinthu kukhala zovuta komanso zosasangalatsa. Ichi ndi chifukwa chake kukhazikitsa malamulo omasuka paubwenzi ndikofunikira, makamaka musanayambe chibwenzi chokha. Kumbukirani kuti malamulo a maubwenzi omasuka amasiyana kwambiri ndi zomwe mumalekerera komanso mtundu wa equation yomwe muli nayo ndi mnzanuyo. Ndi maganizo, tiyeni tione ena mwa malamulo omasuka ubale kuti anthu amakonda kugwa mmbuyo.

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Lamulo 1: Khalani oona mtima komanso momveka bwino

Kuona mtima ndi ndondomeko yabwino pamene mukupita kwa omasuka ubale. Gawani maganizo anu, malingaliro anu, ndi zochitika zanu poyera kuti mupewe kusamvana kapena chinsinsi. Kuchita zinthu mwachisawawa kumalimbitsa chikhulupiriro ndikuwonetsetsa kuti onse okondedwa akumva kuti ndi ofunika. Zokambiranazi zingaphatikizepo:

• Zifukwa zofunira maubwenzi omasuka ndi bwenzi lanu loyamba
• Nthawi ndi magawo a thupi ndi ubwenzi wapamtima ndi anzathu
• Kudziwitsa anzanu achiwiri za kusintha kwa ubale wanu woyamba
• Malingaliro aliwonse ansanje, ngati alipo

Simuyenera kufotokoza zambiri zosasangalatsa, koma limodzi mwa malamulo ofunikira kwambiri okhudza ubale wotseguka ndi kusunga zinthu, bwino, momasuka, komanso moona mtima. Sampreeti akulangizanso kuti mukhale oona mtima kwathunthu. Kubisa zinthu kungayambitse nsanje pakati pa mnzanu ndi inu, ndikuyambitsa kusalingana kwakukulu komwe kumabweretsa mikangano yosafunikira ya mphamvu.

Lamulo lachiwiri: Muzilemekeza abwenzi anu oyamba ndi achiwiri

Chifukwa chakuti muli ndi bwenzi loyamba sizikutanthauza kuti mumapeputsa malingaliro a okondedwa anu. Adziwitseni zomwe mukuyang'ana - kodi mumangofuna kulumikiza kapena kuyembekezera ubale wamtima? Mungafunikenso kukhazikitsa nthawi yoti mudzakumane ndi zibwenzi sabata iliyonse kapena mwezi uliwonse, kuopera kuti kusatetezeka kungatengere ubale wanu.

"Ambiri angavomereze kuti maubwenzi amafunika kulankhulana koyenera. Koma ochepa okha ndi omwe angafotokoze zomwe zili munkhaniyi. Pakhoza kukhala malangizo okhudza kulankhulana, koma zomwe zili zoyenera muubwenzi winawake ziyenera kupangidwa ndi iwo okha, kapena mothandizidwa ndi akatswiri - monga alangizi ochokera ku gulu la Bonobology ," akutero Sampreeti.

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Lamulo 3: Ikani malire ndi malire

Izi ndizofunikira kwa mnzanu amene muli naye pachibwenzi choyamba komanso kwa anzanu ena omwe muli nawo. Ikani malire ogonana ndi malingaliro . Lankhulani momveka bwino. Ganizirani mafunso monga:

• Nanga bwanji ngati wina agwa m’chikondi, n’kumafuna kuti apitirizebe kukhala pachibwenzi choyamba? 
• Kodi munthu angakhale wothandizira wanu komanso wogonana naye? 
• Kodi muli ndi kugonana m'kamwa?
• Kodi ndi bwino kuchita zachiwerewere zomwe simumachita ndi bwenzi lanu loyamba?

Kulankhula zinthu zimenezi pasadakhale kudzaletsa nsanje, liwongo, kupwetekedwa mtima, ndi kugwiritsidwa mwala. Komanso, onetsetsani kuti mukulankhula za zinthu zoletsedwa. Kambiranani za chilolezo mwatsatanetsatane ndi anzanu onse. 

Tanya, mtsikana wa zaka 23, wophunzira zamalamulo ku Texas, anati: “Ndakhala paubwenzi womasuka kwa zaka zitatu.”

Kuwerenga Kofananira

Lamulo 4: Ikani patsogolo machitidwe otetezeka

Kugonana motetezeka n'kofunika mosasamala kanthu za momwe ubale wanu ulili. Ndipo popeza mudzakhala ndi mabwenzi ambiri, ikani izi pamwamba pa mndandanda wanu chifukwa mwayi wa matenda opatsirana pogonana ndi matenda opatsirana pogonana umawonjezeka muubwenzi wotseguka. Ganizirani njira zotsatirazi zodzitetezera:

• Funsani anzanu atsopano kuti adziyezetse okha musanagone nawo
• Dziyeseninso pafupipafupi
• Kambiranani za kugwiritsa ntchito chitetezo, kaya ngati makondomu kapena madamu a mano ngati mukugonana mkamwa.

Lamulo 5: Kambiranani za yemwe mumalumikizana naye

Maubwenzi omasuka sikutanthauza kukhala omasuka kwa aliyense. Wokondedwa wanu angafune kukhala paubwenzi ndi anthu omwe amawadziwa kale pomwe simungakhale omasuka ndi lingaliro loti mutha kukumana ndi anthu amenewo ndikupanga chikhalidwe chovuta. Mwachitsanzo, taganizirani mafunso awa:

• Kodi ndizosangalatsa kucheza ndi m'modzi mwa anzanu akusukulu ya sekondale? 
• Kapena bwana wa kampani yomwe mnzako ankagwirapo kale ntchito?
• Kodi kucheza ndi bwenzi la Facebook kuli bwino? 
• Kodi Masiku a Tinder zabwino? 

Zirizonse zomwe mungakonde, kukambirana ndi mnzanuyo kungapulumutse mikangano yonyansa pambuyo pake.

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Lamulo 6: Vomerezani nsanje

Aa, chilombo chobiriwira chomwe chimatigwera ngakhale muubwenzi wolimba kwambiri. N'zovuta kwambiri muubwenzi wa mwamuna mmodzi, koma pamene pali matupi angapo (ndi mitima) zomwe zikukhudzidwa, nsanje yoopsa imeneyo imabwera. Ndipo ayi, lamulo limodzi la ubale wotseguka si "Simungakhale ndi nsanje".

Monga nkhani zonse zokhudzana ndi maubwenzi, simungathe kukonza ubale wanu wotseguka kukhala pepala loyera la Excel, ngakhale mupanga ndikukambirana malamulo angati omasuka. Mukuchita ndi anthu ndi zomverera, ndipo zikhala zosokoneza. Izi ndi zomwe mumachita m'malo mwake:

• Onetsani malingaliro a nsanje akadzuka, m'malo moupondereza
• Ngati mnzanuyo akufotokoza zakukhosi kwake, tsimikizirani malingaliro awo m’malo mowapeputsa
• Gwirani ntchito limodzi kuti mupange njira zothanirana ndi nsanje, monga kukhala ndi nthawi yocheza ndi bwenzi lanu loyamba.

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Lamulo 7: Osanyalanyaza wokondedwa wanu woyamba

Pongoganiza kuti muli ndi bwenzi loyamba, ndi bwino kuwakumbutsa kuti mumawakonda. zikumbutso zofatsa tsiku lililonse za momwe mumawakondera zipangitsa kuti ubale wanu ukhale wolimba. Pakhoza kukhala chikaiko m'maganizo mwa wokondedwa wanu za kutaya inu kwa munthu wina, choncho ndikofunika kuwauza kuti mumawafuna mokwanira pamoyo wanu - kugonana kapena kusagonana, kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi kapena kusakhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi.

Upangiri wathu waubwenzi wotseguka ukhala:

• Tulukani pafupipafupi madeti kuti mumve pafupi ndi wokondedwa wanu woyamba
• Abweretsereni mphatso
• Pitani kutchuthi 
• Apangitseni kudzimva kukhala ofunidwa ndi kusamaliridwa

Brian, wowerenga wa ku New Orleans anati: “Mnzathu amene ndimakondana naye amakhala womasuka akamalankhulana momasuka, koma tiyeni tinene kuti sitingathe kukhala pachibwenzi ngati sitili mmodzi yekha,” anatero Brian, wowerenga wa ku New Orleans. paukwati), ndipo ingoyang'anani wina ndi mnzake."

Lamulo 8: Pewani kugwiritsa ntchito maubwenzi omasuka a mbali imodzi

Monga tanenera kale, maubwenzi otseguka a mbali imodzi ndi ovuta kwambiri kuwasunga chifukwa mnzanuyo sachita zinthu ndi ena nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi nsanje. Nazi zinthu zina zomwe muyenera kukumbukira kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino :

• Onse awiri amavomereza dongosololi mwaufulu m'malo mokakamizidwa kuvomereza
• Onetsetsani kuti mnzanuyo sakumva kuti akutsalira
• Kambiranani mokhazikika ndikusintha malingaliro anu

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Lamulo 9: Khalani osinthika ndi malire

Kumbukirani kuti palibe malire omwe amaikidwa. Anthu amakula, malingaliro amasintha ndipo ubale umasintha. Ndipo kotero, zosowa ndi malire a mnzanu aliyense zimatha kusintha. Bwerezaninso nthawi zonse ndikusintha mapangano kuti muwonetsetse kuti muli ndi chitonthozo, makamaka muubwenzi wotseguka wa mbali imodzi . Makambirano awa angaphatikizepo:

• Kukulitsa malire: "Takhala tikuchita izi kwa chaka chimodzi. Kodi ndinu omasuka kuyang'ana maubwenzi apamtima tsopano?"
• Kusintha malire: "Ndikuganiza kuti ndikanakonda tikanakhala kuti sitikhalanso ndi abwenzi ena."
• Kuyendera pafupipafupi: "Tiyeni tiziwonanso malamulo athu miyezi itatu iliyonse kuti tiwone ngati akugwirabe ntchito kwa tonsefe."

Lamulo 10: Konzekerani kutuluka ngati sizikuyenda bwino

Kaya mwakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali bwanji kapena mwakhala limodzi, kuyamba chibwenzi chotseguka ndi nkhani yosiyana kwambiri. Siziyenera aliyense. Ngati pali mavuto ambiri omwe amabwera muubwenzi wanu, mungafune kuchokamo. Onaninso nkhaniyi pamene nonse muli ndi maganizo ofanana. Kumbukirani, simukuyamba chibwenzi chotseguka chifukwa ndi 'chabwino' kapena 'chamakono'. Kutseka chibwenzi chotseguka kapena kusudzulana ndi mnzanu chifukwa cha kusagwirizana sikukupangitsani kukhala wovuta kapena wosasangalatsa.

Zoyenera Kuchita Ndi Zosachita Za Maubwenzi Otseguka

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa malamulo a ukwati (kapena maubwenzi) omasuka, mukhoza kukhala ndi lingaliro labwino la momwe mungachitire ndi lanu. Komabe, pali zinthu zingapo zomwe zingasokonekera popanda kuzindikira momwe mwasokoneza. Yang'anani pamndandanda wa zomwe muyenera kuchita ndi zomwe simuyenera kuchita kuti mupewe zovuta zazikulu zomwe zingangokuwonongerani zinthu.

Maganizo Final

Ubale wotseguka sungathe kufalikira pazifukwa zosakhazikika. Ngati pali mavuto kale muubwenzi, kubweretsa anthu ena muubwenziwo, mwina, kudzapangitsa kuti zinthu ziipireipire. Ukwati kapena ubale sungapulumutsidwe mwa kusintha kukhala ubale wotseguka. M'malo mwake, khama liyenera kukhala kubwezeretsanso kulankhulana kwa awiriwa , chifundo, ndi kukhudzidwa kaye. Zimenezi zikakhazikika, awiriwa akhoza kuyamba ubale wotseguka ngati akufunabe kutero.

Kodi Ukwati Wotsegula Ndi Chiyani Ndipo Chifukwa Chiyani Anthu Amasankha Kukhala Ndi Mmodzi?

Zinthu 13 Zomwe Muyenera Kudziwa Zokhudza Maubwenzi a NSA (No-Strings Attached).

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

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