Malangizo 7 Opangira Miyezi Yovuta Kwambiri Mu Ubale

Kodi mukupita kupyola miyezi yovuta kwambiri muubwenzi mpaka pano ndipo simukudziwa momwe mungachokere mu chisokonezo ichi? Osadandaula, tabwera kuti tikuthandizeni. M'nkhaniyi, tiona nsonga 7 zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuthana ndi vutoli muubwenzi wanu ndikubwereranso ku njira zabwinobwino. Ndipo ngati mukuganiza kuti ichi ndi chinthu chapadera, sichoncho. 

Kudumphadumpha m'maubwenzi kumakhala kwachilendo ndipo kumachitika nthawi zambiri pamaubwenzi. Choncho, tiyeni tione njira zosiyanasiyana kuti kudutsa miyezi yovuta kwambiri mu ubwenzi. Tili ndi ife Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wodziwa uphungu wa mabanja ndi mabanja, yemwe atipereka malangizo ndi malangizo amomwe mungakwaniritsire miyeziyi.

Ndi Miyezi Yovuta Kwambiri Paubwenzi Ndi Iti?

Miyezi yovuta kwambiri muubwenzi nthawi zambiri imabwera pambuyo pa kutha kwa gawo loyamba laubwenzi, gawo la Honeymoon. Iyi ndi gawo lomwe chilichonse chimawoneka bwino, mnzanu amaoneka ngati munthu amene mungakhale naye moyo wanu wonse, ndipo pali mahomoni ambiri ndi chikondi zomwe zikuyenda paliponse. Muli pachibwenzi , ndipo ndikumva chisoni kwambiri padziko lonse lapansi!

Kenako imayamba yomwe ili gawo lovuta kwambiri paubwenzi, gawo lomwe kukayikira konse kumafika ndipo kumverera kwamutu kumasowa. Mutayamba kumudziwa bwino munthuyo, mumayamba kumudziwa bwino ndipo zimenezi zimachititsa kuti mukhumudwe. Zingatanthauzenso mikangano yambiri ndi mikangano pakati pa inu awiri chifukwa cha kusiyana pang'ono komanso zinthu zomwezo zomwe zidakusangalatsani zisanayambe kukukwiyitsani.

Izi zili choncho chifukwa anthu amakhala ndi khalidwe lawo labwino m'zaka zoyambirira za chibwenzi. Ndipamene amayamba kuzolowerana komanso kuyandikana kwambiri pomwe vuto limayamba. Pali maupangiri kunja uko monga zinthu zomwe simuyenera kuchita m'mwezi woyamba waubwenzi zomwe zimapangitsa kuti anthu azikusangalatsani m'masiku oyambilira a chibwenzi. Koma ndi pamene mumawawona momwe alili, mumamvetsetsa mtundu wa munthu amene mumamukonda, ndipo sikuti nthawi zonse mumamva bwino kwambiri padziko lapansi.

Nthawi yovuta kwambiri muubwenzi nthawi zambiri imakhala pakati pa miyezi 4 mpaka 12 yaubwenzi. Malinga ndi pepala lofufuza lotchedwa Re-Examining Relationship Development lofalitsidwa ndi Michael Polonsky ndi Srikanth Beldona, ubale ukhoza kugwera mu gawo losagwira ntchito kapena losagwira ntchito m'miyezi imeneyi. Izi zimapangitsa kuti kupulumuka nthawi zovuta kukhale kofunika kwambiri ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi ubale wautali komanso wopindulitsa ndi mnzanu.

Ndipo izi ndi zomwe zimakhazikitsa maziko a zomwe zidzakhale tsogolo lanu ndi iwo ngati inu nonse mudzapitiriza kapena kupatukana. Tsopano tiwona momwe mungayendetsere nthawi yovutayi muubwenzi kuti mupange zisankho moyenera komanso moleza mtima.

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Katswiri Akulangiza Momwe Mungapangire Kudutsa Miyezi Yovuta Kwambiri Mu Ubale

Mu gawo lino, tiwona njira zomwe mungapitirire m'miyezi yovuta kwambiri muubwenzi. Izi zikuthandizani kumvetsetsa chomwe chimayambitsa mikangano pakati panu awiri ndikupanga zisankho zabwino panthawi yovuta muubwenzi . Kaya mukudutsa mu gawoli mutatha miyezi itatu muli pachibwenzi kapena zaka zitatu, komabe zimakhala zopweteka komanso zosokoneza. Ichi ndichifukwa chake malangizo awa adzakuthandizani kuthana ndi nthawi yovuta kwambiri muubwenzi.

1. Muzikhulupirirana

Gopa akuti, “N’zosavuta kusiya ukwati kapena kusokonezeka maganizo ndi ukwati. Nthawi ngati izi, ndi bwino kukhala chete osasiya mosavuta. Kusiya ukwati kumachitika mosavuta. Muyenera kubwerera ku zinthu zomwe zinasokoneza kudalirana kwa wina ndi mnzake ndikupeza zinthu zomwe banjali lingakhazikitsenso kudalirana . Yambani kuyang'ana kwambiri zinthu zomwe zili bwino muukwati wawo, mwachitsanzo: ana, moyo wabwino, banja, ndi zina zotero.”

Chikhulupiriro ndi chomwe chimapititsa ubale patsogolo. Ndi chigonjetso mu gudumu laubwenzi wanu ndipo kusunga chidaliro mwa mnzanu ngakhale pamavuto kumathandiza kuti zinthu zikhale zosavuta. Mumadziwa kuti muli ndi wina womudalira, yemwe mumamukonda, komanso wina amene amakukondaninso. Kudziwa komweko nthawi zina kumakhala kokwanira kukuthandizani kudutsa miyezi yovuta kwambiri pachibwenzi.

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2. Yesetsani kuthera nthawi yambiri pamodzi

Zitha kuwoneka kuti mutakhala pachibwenzi kwa miyezi inayi kapena kupitilira apo, simuyenera kukhala ndi nthawi yochuluka ndi bwenzi lanu monga momwe munachitira mu gawo loyambirira la ubale wanu. Koma zimenezi si zoona. Nthawi zambiri maubwenzi amatsika chifukwa choti okondedwawo salankhulana. Izi zimathandiza kuti kusamvana ndi kukayika zilowe mu ubale wanu ndikuwononga popanda chifukwa. 

Ngakhale mutachita chibwenzi kwa miyezi itatu kapena zaka zitatu, musasiye kulankhulana ndipo kumbukirani kuti kulankhulana ndiye chinsinsi cha mgwirizano uliwonse. Ngakhale mutakhala ndi moyo wotanganidwa kuntchito, onetsetsani kuti mumakhala nthawi limodzi, mwina kuonera Netflix kapena kuwerenga buku limodzi. Nthawi zina mavuto aakulu amayamba chifukwa mnzanu winayo akumva kuti akunyalanyazidwa muubwenzi . Njira yabwino yopewera zimenezo ndikukhala ndi nthawi yabwino limodzi nthawi iliyonse yomwe ingatheke.

“Zinthu zikafika povuta m’banja, okwatirana amayesetsa kuti asamacheze.” Pa nthawiyi, ndi bwino kuvomereza kuti ayambe kuchita zinthu zimene ankakonda poyamba. kukhala okoma mtima ndi ochezeka pa nthawi imene amakhala limodzi.

3. Osasiya kuwakonda chifukwa chakuti nthawi sizili bwino

Kwa maanja amene akukumana ndi mavuto m’banja, Gopa akulangiza kuti: “Monga mlangizi, ndimalimbikitsa maanja kuti asunge kukhudzana kwakuthupi ndi ubwenzi wapamtima.

Simungapeze nsonga iyi pamndandanda wazinthu zomwe simungachite m'mwezi woyamba wokhala pachibwenzi. Ndi chifukwa, m'miyezi yoyambirira ya ubale wanu, mumakondana komanso kukopana wina ndi mnzake. Chilichonse chikuwoneka chokongola ndipo mumawona dziko kudzera mu magalasi okhala ndi duwa. Koma mutadutsa siteji imeneyo, siteji yovuta kwambiri yaubwenzi imayamba.

Iyi ndi gawo loti muyambe kukayikira chikondi pakati panu. Mumayamba kudabwa ngati panakhalapo kalikonse pakati pa inu nonse, pakuyamba pomwe. + Pamenepo m’pamene muyenera kuchita khama kwambiri kuti motowo ukhale woyaka pakati pa inu nonse awiri. Pitani pamasiku ang'onoang'ono ndikuwonetsa chikondi chanu nthawi ndi nthawi. 

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4. Mverani

Chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri kuti mudutse miyezi yovuta kwambiri pachibwenzi ndikumvera wokondedwa wanu. Nthawi zambiri timadziika patsogolo ndikuumirira kusunga malingaliro athu ndi malingaliro athu poyera, nthawi zambiri timataya enawo. Izi zitha kuyambitsa mikangano muubwenzi wanu yomwe imakhala yovuta kudzaza. Kuti mupewe izi, mverani mnzanuyo mwachidwi ndikuyankha zomwe akunena mosamalitsa. Izi zipangitsa kuti azimva kukhala okondedwa komanso okondedwa komanso kukuthandizani kuti mukhale pafupi.

Gopa akulangiza, “Mangirirani pa kulankhulana.Sankhani kuvomereza kusagwirizana.Kugwira ntchito ndi alangizi a maanja kudzakuthandizani kuwongolera kulankhulana ndi kukuthandizani kuphunzira njira zolimbana mwachilungamo.Sankhani kumvetserana wina ndi mzake, kumverana chisoni ndi kuganizira za kuthetsa mavuto pamodzi. Pangani njira zothetsera mavuto ndikuyesera kukumana pakati panu.”

5. Kulimbana ndikofanana

“Nthaŵi zina, banja likafika povuta, lingakhale losungulumwa kapena kuganiza kuti ndi ntchito yowonjezereka kuti banja lipitirire.” Ndi bwino kuti okwatirana azipatula nthaŵi mlungu ndi mlungu kuti akambirane mavutowo ndi kusiya nthaŵi yotsalayo kuti asangalale ndi banja lake. 

Maanja akuyenera kukambirana za zolinga zanthawi yayitali ndi zolinga zawo komanso za maloto awo. Izi zimathandiza kumanga banja limodzi, mwachitsanzo: kukonzekera komwe angapite kutchuthi chawo chamtsogolo, kusunga ndalama zogulira nyumba, kapena momwe angakondweretsere chikumbutso chaukwati wawo, ndi zina zotero. Kulingalira ndi kukonzekera tsogolo lawo kumathandiza okwatirana kuona chiyembekezo m’banja lawo,” Gopa akupereka lingaliro.

Ngakhale kuti n’zovuta komanso zovuta kudutsa mu gawo lovuta kwambiri muubwenzi, sikovuta ngati nonse awiri mwasankha kudutsamo limodzi. Kuti ubale ugwire bwino ntchito, ndikofunikira kuti nonse awiri muthandizane. Mnzanu m'modzi yekha amene akupereka zonse sizingathandize, choncho nonse muyenera kuvomerezana kuti muyesetse kuti ubalewo ugwire ntchito. Sikovuta kuthana ndi kusatsimikizika muubwenzi pamene nonse muli pafupi.

Kaya muli ndi chidziwitso chokhala pachibwenzi kwa miyezi inayi kapena zaka 4, muyenera kuwonetsetsa kuti nonse mukugwira ntchito yofanana kuti muyendetse ubalewo. Ndipo ngati ndi inu nokha amene mumayesetsa kukoka kulemera kwa ubale wanu mapewa, mwina muyenera kuganizira kulekana.

6. Kumbukirani nthawi zabwino

Limodzi mwa malangizo othandiza kwambiri kuti mudutse gawo lovuta kwambiri paubwenzi ndikukumbukira ndi kuyamikira nthawi zonse zabwino zomwe mudakhala limodzi. Izi zimathandiza kuti malingaliro anu achoke pazovuta zomwe zilipo ndikusintha kukhala nthawi zosavuta komanso zosangalatsa. 

Pa nthawi yovuta, zimakhala zovuta kumva chikondi ndi kukopeka kwa wokondedwa wanu. Koma mukakumbukira masiku apadera kwambiri muubwenzi wanu, zimakhala zosavuta kumvanso chikondi chanu kwa iwo. Zimakuthandizani kuti muwone mnzanuyo kuchokera pamalingaliro omwe amachotsedwa ku kusasamala komwe kulipo komanso kukhala ndi cholinga.

Pokumbukira nthaŵi zakale, Gopa anati: “Zimathandiza kuti banja likhale losangalala komanso losangalala, kulankhula mawu okoma mtima ndi zikondano, komanso kupita kukacheza ndi kutchuthi nthawi zambiri n’cholinga choti tikumbukire zinthu zatsopano.

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7. Dziwaninso nkhani zanu

Si nthawi zonse munthu wina amene ali ndi mavuto mu umunthu wake amene amafunika kukonzedwa. Nthawi zina, ndi ife amene timayambitsa mikangano yomwe ikupitirira muubwenzi, ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuti muyesere kuwunika bwino zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano pakati panu awiri. Mukadutsa m'miyezi yovuta kwambiri muubwenzi, yesani kubwerera m'mbuyo ndikuwona ngati si inu amene muyenera kuchita bwino ndikusintha. Mwina pali malire omwe mukufunikira kuti ubale wanu ukhale wolimba komanso womasuka.

Gopa akupereka lingaliro lakuti, “Aliyense amathandizira kuti ukwati wawo ukhale wachipambano kapena kulephera. Yambani kulingalira mmene mumathandizira kuti ukwati wanu ukhale wachipambano kapena mavuto.” Mwachitsanzo: Kodi ndinu munthu wokwiya ndipo mumangokhalira kukangana?

Pamapeto pake, ndikufuna kutsindikanso mfundo yakuti chigamba choyipachi ndi chinthu chachilengedwe chomwe chimachitika nthawi zambiri muubwenzi. Ndikofunika kuti musaiwale zomwe zili zofunika ndikupanga zisankho mopupuluma panthawi ino yachisokonezo. Pokhapokha mukamaganizira zonse modekha maganizo, kuyesera kumvetsa maganizo a mnzanuyo komanso, mukhoza kudutsa miyezi imeneyi. Ndikukhulupirira kuti malangizowa anali othandiza kukuthandizani kusankha momwe mungathanirane ndi gawo ili la ubale wanu.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.