Maubwenzi amakhala ovuta nthawi zonse. Anthu aŵiri akakumana kuti ayambe ulendo wofanana, pamakhala mikangano, kusagwirizana, ndi kukwera ndi kutsika. Komabe, mukakhala mumkhalidwe womwe simukudziwa komwe mumayima ndi mnzanu wapamtima, kulumikizana kumeneko kumapita kugawo laubwenzi wovuta.
Kaya ubale wanu ndi watsopano kapena mwakhala limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali, mukulimbana ndi chikondi chovuta kwambiri ngati mukulimbana ndi kusalankhulana bwino, kusowa malire, ziyembekezo zosagwirizana, ndi zolinga. Pamene mwamuna ndi mkazi wake akhalabe m’mkhalidwe woterewu, m’pamenenso vuto lawo la maganizo ndi maganizo limawonjezereka.
Ndicho chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuzindikira zizindikiro za maubwenzi ovuta ndikumvetsetsa momwe mungathanirane nazo. Ndi zidziwitso zochokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri paubwenzi ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, tiyeni timvetsetse tanthauzo la ubale wovuta komanso momwe tingawuyendetsere mwaluso.
Kodi Ubale Wovuta Ndi Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Anthu akakhala paubwenzi womwe ndi wovuta kufotokoza kapena kuyika m'bokosi la zochitika zapabanja zomwe timazidziwa, nthawi zambiri amayankha kuti, "Ndizovuta." Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Ngakhale kuti mfundo zake n’zosiyana malinga ndi mmene zinthu zilili, tanthauzo lake limafika pa mfundo yakuti: mgwirizano umene ndi wovuta kuufotokoza chifukwa chakuti anthuwo amasiyana, nthawi zambiri amasemphana maganizo, amaletsa malire ndiponso amayembekezera zinthu zosiyanasiyana,” anatero Dr. Bhonsle.
Popeza zolinga ndi ziyembekezo sizikugwirizana, pali zinthu zambiri zoti muchite komanso kutseguka pang'ono muubwenzi wotere. Izi zimapangitsa kuti pakhale madera ambiri osadziwika bwino pomwe okwatirana amatumizirana zizindikiro zosiyanasiyana , kusewera motentha komanso mozizira, komanso kulimbana ndi mayina. Zotsatira zake? Kusokonezeka kwambiri, nkhawa, komanso kusakhazikika kumakupangitsani kudzifunsa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi ndi ovuta?"
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Zomwe zimapangitsa ubale kukhala wovuta
Ponena za zomwe zimapangitsa kuti maubwenzi akhale ovuta, Dr. Bhonsle akuti, "Ubale wa anthu nthawi zonse umakhala wovuta komanso wosasinthasintha koma si wovuta mwachibadwa. Anthu awiri okhwima maganizo akamachita zinthu moona mtima komanso momasuka, amatha kumanga ubale wabwino . Popanda maziko awa, mavuto amayamba."
Monga momwe mwaonera, pakuwoneka kuti pali mutu wobwereza: kusowa kukhulupirika ndi kuwonekera pamodzi ndi zoyembekeza zolakwika, zolinga, ndi zikhalidwe zazikulu, kumabweretsa maubwenzi ovuta. Kutengera kumvetsetsa uku, tiyeni tiwone zina zomwe zimapangitsa kuti maubwenzi akhale ovuta:
- Mabala amalingaliro osachiritsika: Kuvuta kwa maubwenzi nthawi zambiri kumatha kutsatiridwa ndi zovuta zomwe zimachokera ku mabala osachiritsika am'mbuyomu. Nkhani zosiyidwa, kuopa kudzipereka, komanso masitayelo osagwirizana ndi zina mwazinthu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale ubale wovuta.
- Kupsinja mtima: Kulephera kapena kusafuna kugawana zakukhosi ndi chifukwa china chodziwika chomwe anthu amadzipezera kuti ali muubwenzi wovuta. Nthawi zambiri, izi ndichifukwa choti kusatetezeka kwanu kudagwiritsidwa ntchito kale. Ngakhale kuyimba kumatha kukhala njira yodzitchinjiriza mwachilengedwe munthawi zotere, kumalepheretsa luso lanu lopanga maubwenzi abwino.
- Kusatsimikizika: Ngati simuli wotsimikiza za momwe mumamvera ndi mnzanu, ubalewu umakhala wovuta. Izi ndi zomwe, nthawi zambiri, zimatsogolera kumayendedwe oopsa ngati maubale obwereranso
- Mavuto: Nthawi zina, zovuta muubwenzi zimatha chifukwa cha zochitika zanu kapena zina zakunja. Mwachitsanzo, kukhala paubwenzi wautali, kukondana ndi munthu wina pamene muli paubwenzi wodzipereka, maganizo a mbali imodzi.
11 Zizindikiro Za Ubale Wovuta
Kawirikawiri, tikakhala pamavuto aakulu, zimakhala zovuta kuziona bwino. Ngakhale zizindikiro za ubale wovuta zikukuyang'anani, mungalephere kuzizindikira kapena simungafune kuzizindikira. Komabe, kukana kumeneku kapena kusadziwa kumeneku sikukhalitsa. Patapita kanthawi, ubale wanu wovuta udzayamba kukuvutitsani mtendere wamumtima komanso thanzi lanu la maganizo. Mudzatopa ndi kufunsa kuti, “ N’chifukwa chiyani ubale uli wovuta chonchi ?”
Ndiko kudzutsa kuti ndi nthawi yoti musiye kusesa nkhani zanu pansi pa rape ndikuthana nazo. Gawo loyamba lothana ndi vuto lililonse ndikuvomereza. Pofuna kukuthandizani kutero, Dr. Bhonsle anandandalika zizindikiro zotsatirazi za maubwenzi ovuta:
1. Simukudziwa momwe amakuonerani
Kusamveka bwino ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zapamwamba za maubwenzi ovuta. Simukudziwa momwe mnzanuyo amakuonerani. Ndipo izi siziri zoona ndi maubwenzi atsopano, pomwe simunafotokozere zokambirana zaubwenzi kapena kuvomereza zilembo. Muubwenzi wovuta, mutha kumverera motere ngakhale mutakhala limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali. Mwina chifukwa,
- Mnzako samatero sonyezani chikondi
- Sakhala omasuka komanso osatetezeka
- Ngati mutayesetsa kukulitsa ubwenzi wapamtima, iwo amakuthamangitsani ndikukhala kutali ndi kudzipatula
2. Simukudziwa momwe mumawaonera
Mwina chifukwa cha kusagwirizana kwa maganizo kwa mnzanu kapena zifukwa zina monga kukhala ndi malingaliro pa wina, simukumvanso chilakolako champhamvu kwa mnzanuyo. Mulimonsemo, kusatsimikizika kumeneku kungabweretse mpata paubwenzi wovuta. "Musanyalanyaze malingaliro anu. Ngati chikhulupiriro chanu paubwenziwo chikuchepa, ndibwino kuyang'ana ndi maso atsopano. Ndi bwinonso kudzifunsa nokha ndi mnzanu mafunso ovuta kuti muwone momwe zinthu zikuyendera muubwenziwo," akutero Dr. Bhonsle.
3. Simukudziwa za tsogolo la chibwenzi
Mumaoneka kuti mukufuna zinthu zosiyanasiyana m’moyo ndipo mumapewa kulankhula za tsogolo lanu. Mwina simungayerekeze n’komwe za m’tsogolo limodzi nawo kapena sakuganizirani za tsogolo lanu. Mwina, mnzanuyo amapewa kukambirana za tsogolo ngati miliri. Izi zonse ndi mbendera zofiira zomwe zimakhala ndi mapangidwe a maubwenzi ovuta.
"Pokhapokha ngati anthu awiri ali pachibwenzi cha kanthawi kochepa chomwe agwirizana , kukayikira kukambirana zolinga zamtsogolo kuyenera kufufuzidwa kwambiri. Muyenera kuwunikirana ndikuwunikanso komwe muli komanso komwe mukufuna kupita kuchokera pano," akutero Dr. Bhonsle.
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4. Kusalankhulana bwino
Chizindikiro china chodziwikiratu cha ubale wovuta ndi kulankhulana kolakwika , komwe kumadziwika ndi,
- Khalidwe lochita mwaukali
- Kuyankhulana wina ndi mzake
- Kudulana wina ndi mzake
- Kukhala chete ndi kugenda miyala
- Kulephera kuthetsa kusamvana
Pofotokoza chifukwa chake maunansi ovuta ndi kusalankhulana bwino kumayendera limodzi, Dr Bhonsle anati: “Pamene pakhala kusamvana kapena ngakhale kusamvana kwa ziyembekezo, zosoŵa, ndi zikhumbo, ndipo popanda malire abwino, kulankhulana kuyenera kuyembekezera.
5. Kusadzipereka
Chikondi chovuta cha ubale wovuta chimadziwika ndi nkhani zodzipereka kapena kufunitsitsa kukambirana za mayina, kudzipatula, ndi kudzipereka. Dr. Bhonsle akuti, "Pazochitika zotere, muyenera kufufuza ngati muli pachibwenzi poyamba."
“Nthaŵi zambiri ndaona kuti anthu aŵiri akhala akukhalira limodzi kwa nthaŵi yaitali ndithu, koma ukawafunsa chimene iwo ali, amati, “O, sitinalembebe chizindikiro. Chabwino, zolembera ndizofunikira. Ngati simulemba shuga ndi mchere m'khitchini yanu, mutha kukhala ndi mchere mu khofi wanu ndi shuga muzakudya zanu. N’chifukwa chake zokambiranazi n’zofunika.”
6. Kusatengako mbali moyenerera m’miyoyo ya wina ndi mnzake
Kusachita nawo zinthu zambiri kapena kusakhala ndi mbali zambiri pa moyo wa wina ndi mnzake ndi zizindikiro za ubale wovuta. Ubale wokhalitsa umamangidwa pa kudalirana kwabwino pakati pa okwatirana, komwe mumasunga umunthu wanu komanso kudalirana wina ndi mnzake kuti akuthandizeni. Koma ngati simuyesetsa kugawana zomwe mumakonda kapena kukhala nthawi limodzi, zimasonyeza kusiyana - zomwe zingapangitse kuti zinthu zisinthe monga banja.
Kumbali ina, kudalirana mopambanitsa kungachititse kuti maubale akhale ovuta. Ngati simusunga mbali zina za moyo wanu popanda wina ndi mzake, yambani kudalirana wina ndi mzake pa zinthu zomwe muyenera kudzichitira nokha, osadzichitira nokha, kapena kukhala nokha kapena ndi anzanu, mukhoza kuyamba kutaya chidziwitso cha kumene wokondedwa wanu akuthera ndipo mukuyamba. Mlingo woterewu, ndithudi, umakhala ngati gwero la zovuta.
7. Kusemphana maganizo kumakhala kosalekeza muubwenzi wanu
Kukangana kwina muubwenzi ndi kwachibadwa. Komabe, ngati mumadzipeza mukukangana pafupipafupi pankhani zazing'ono, pakhoza kukhala mavuto ena akuluakulu omwe akuyambitsa, omwe ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za ubale wovuta. Ndi nthawi yoti musiye kupewa vutoli ndikuyamba kuganizira, makamaka ngati ndewu zikuipiraipira kapena zikuzunzana. Kumbukirani, nkhanza sizimabwera mwathupi lokha. Nkhanza zamaganizo ndi chizindikiro chachikulu.
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8. Mumamva kusasangalala
Mukalephera kupanga ubale weniweni ndi mnzanu, ndipo simukudziwa bwino komwe muli komanso tsogolo la ubale wanu, n'zachibadwa kuti kusakhutira ndi kusasangalala zilowerere. Onjezerani pamenepo mikangano yosalekeza ndi mtunda wamaganizo, zomwe zimakupangitsani kudzifunsa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi ndi ovuta?" Kukhala mumkhalidwe umenewu kungakulepheretseni kukhala osangalala, kukusiyani osasangalala kwambiri pamene mukuyesera kuthana ndi mavuto omwe mukukumana nawo.
9. Mumagwerabe mmbuyo mu dongosolo lomwelo
Mwakhala mukukumana ndi zikwapu zomwezo: kusweka ndi kubwererananso. Mwina nonse ndinu odalira ndipo simungathe kupita patsogolo. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zotsimikizika za ubale wovuta. Ngati sichilinso ndi thanzi, ndiye nthawi yoti muphwanye ndondomekoyi.
Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Kubwerezabwereza maubwenzi n’kotopetsa ndiponso n’koopsa kwa onse okhudzidwa.” Palibe chifukwa chokhalira okhumudwa nthawi zonse.
10. Mukuwopa kunena zomwe mukuyembekezera
Mphamvu zovuta zachikondi zaubwenzi wovuta zimatha kukupangitsani kukhala ndi nkhawa komanso m'mphepete mozungulira mnzanu nthawi zonse. Mumayembekezera zinthu zina kwa iwo, koma pansi pamtima, mumadziwanso momwe angachitire, motero mumaphunzira kunjenjemera, kumeza zowawa ndi zowawa, ndikukhalabe ndi chiyembekezo choti zinthu zikhala bwino.
Mnzanu amene ali ndi mtima wodzipereka kwambiri (ndipo inde, machitidwe a maubwenzi ovuta nthawi zonse amakhala osagwirizana) angapitirize kuyenda mozungulira wina ndi mnzake, kuti asanene kapena kuchitapo kanthu kuti amuchotse. Ngati zinthu sizikuyenda bwino, njira iyi imabweretsa mavuto aakulu a maganizo.
11. Mumamva ngati simukugwirizana
Pamene mukuyenda muubwenzi wovuta womwe simukudziwa bwino komwe muli ndi mnzanu, mungayambe kumva kuti simukugwirizana nawo. Machitidwe awo ndi mayankho awo angayambe kukudabwitsani, ngakhale kukuchititsani mantha. Ndipo mumayamba kudzifunsa kuti, “Kodi n’zotheka kupanga chinthu chothandiza ndi munthuyu?”, kapena, “Kodi n’koyenera kuyesa kukonza ubale wovutawu?” Pakapita nthawi, mumadzimva kuti simukugwirizana ndi mnzanuyo, ndipo mwina simungawasamale.
Momwe Mungalimbanire Ndi Ubale Wovuta
Zizindikiro zochenjeza zaubwenzi wovuta zimamveketsa bwino momwe mgwirizano woterewu ungakhalire wovuta komanso wosalolera. Ngati mukugwirizana ndi zina mwa zizindikiro zomwe zatchulidwa pamwambapa, muyenera kuyang'ana mphamvu zanu pakupeza momwe mungathanirane ndi ubale wovuta. Dr. Bhonsle akupereka malangizo awa:
1. Dzifunseni ngati zikuyendadi
Musanagwiritse ntchito khama lalikulu kuti mupeze momwe mungathanirane ndi ubale wovuta, ikani kaye ndikuwunika ngati kuli koyenera. Kodi mukuwona tsogolo la ubalewu? Nthawi zina, kuyang'ana mozama kungakupangitseni kuzindikira kuti sikunayenera kukhala. Ngati kumverera kwanu m'matumbo kuli kolimba kwambiri pa izi, ingakhale nthawi yokhulupirira. Ngati mukuwona kuti ubale wanu, chifukwa cha zolakwika zake zonse, udakali ndi kuthekera, pali zambiri zomwe mungachite kuti musinthe zinthu.
2. Kuyankhulana ndikofunika kwambiri pothana ndi maubwenzi ovuta
“Kudzera mu kulankhulana momveka bwino, muyenera kudziwa zomwe muli kwa wina ndi mnzake komanso komwe mukuwona kuti ubalewu ukupita,” akutero Dr. Bhonsle. Palibe njira ina yolankhulirana za zomwe mukuyembekezera paubwenzi wanu , zolinga zanu, zomwe mukufuna, ndi zosowa zanu ndikukambirana zomwe zikuyenda bwino ndi zomwe sizikuyenda bwino. Chifukwa chake,
- Yambitsani kukambirana ndi mnzanu
- Auzeni zomwe mukufuna paubwenziwu
- Aloleni afotokoze zosowa zawo
- Kenako, sankhani ngati mungafikire pazomwe mungagwirizane nazo kuti mugwirizane ndi zinthu zovuta kapena ngati zingakhale bwino kuti musiyane.
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3. Ikani malire omveka bwino
Kusowa kwa malire abwino a ubale ndi khalidwe la ubale wovuta. Chifukwa chake, mwachibadwa, kugwira ntchito yokhazikitsa ndikukhazikitsa malire ndi gawo lofunika kwambiri paulendo wanu wopeza momwe mungathanirane ndi ubale wovuta.
- Fotokozani momveka bwino zomwe ubalewu ukutanthauza kwa inu ndipo khalani ndi zolinga zamtsogolo
- Lankhulani momasuka za zomwe zili zovomerezeka ndi zomwe simungakambirane kwa inu
- Khazikitsani zomwe mukufunikira kuti mukhale otetezeka komanso okondedwa
- Kambiranani zomwe kusalemekeza malire kungatanthauze tsogolo la ubale wanu
4. Dziperekeni ku ntchito
Ngati mukuwona kuthekera muubwenzi, ndiye kuti kuthana ndi mavuto anu ndikofunikira. Komabe, kuyesayesa kumeneku kudzabala zipatso kokha ngati onse aŵiriwo ali odzipereka kuchitapo kanthu kuti asinthe zinthu.
5. Funsani thandizo kuti muthe kuthana ndi ubale wovuta
Mungafunike kukambirana kangapo kwa nthawi musanayambe kukambirana. Nthawi zina, ngakhale mutayesetsa bwanji, zingakuvuteni kupita patsogolo. Zikatero, zimakhala zofunikira kufunafuna thandizo kuchokera kunja kwa chibwenzi. Mutha kulankhula ndi anzanu apamtima kapena abale anu kuti mupeze malingaliro ofunikira kapena kupita kuchipatala kuti muthetse mavuto anu. Ngati mukufuna thandizo, upangiri wa Bonobology ulipo.
6. Sonyezani kuti mumasamala
Ngati mwasankha kukhalabe ndikugwira ntchito yokonza ubale wanu, ndikofunikira kuyesetsa kuuza mnzanuyo kuti amakondedwa, amakondedwa, komanso amasamalidwa. Kuchira kumatenga nthawi. Pakadali pano, chitirani mnzanuyo zinthu zazing'ono kuti muwonetse chikondi chanu ndikumuwonetsa momwe mumamusamalira.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Ubale wovuta ndi mgwirizano womwe ndi wovuta kuufotokoza
- Zoyembekeza zosemphana, zolinga ndi zikhalidwe zosiyanasiyana, mabala amalingaliro osachiritsika, ndi kusatsimikizika ndi zifukwa zina zomwe zipangitsa kuti maubwenzi akhale ovuta.
- Kusatsimikiza za malingaliro anu, kusatsimikizika zamtsogolo, kusadzipereka, kusakondwa, ndi mikangano ndizo zizindikiro za ubale wovuta.
- Yankho la mmene mungachitire ndi unansi wovuta lagona pa kuwongolera kulankhulana, kuika malire abwino, kuyesetsa kukonza mgwirizanowo, ndi kufunafuna chithandizo ngati kuli kofunikira.
Zirizonse zomwe zingakhale zovuta kapena zotsatira za kuthana nazo, nthawi zonse ndi bwino kuyesetsa kuchotsa kusatsimikizika paubwenzi, m'malo mongonena kuti ubale wanu ndi "wovuta" ndikuulola kuti ugwirizane. Tikukhulupirira kuti mutha kuzindikira zomwe zikulakwika muubwenzi wanu, chomwe chikukupangitsani kukhala osasangalala, ndikudziwa choti muchite.
Ibibazo
Ubale wovuta ndi pamene mungakonde/monga munthu winayo koma osadziwa ngati mukufuna kukhala naye pachibwenzi.
Inde, mwamtheradi. Ndipo onse awiriwa ali ndi vuto. Ubwenzi wovuta umatanthauza kuti okwatiranawo sali paubwenzi wotere ndipo amayenera kuganizira zinthu zingapo asanadzipereke kwa wina ndi mzake.
Pa Facebook, ubale wovuta umatanthawuza kuti muli ndi chiyanjano kapena chikondi ndi winawake koma si kudzipereka kwathunthu kuti mutchule chiyanjano choyenera. Komabe, inunso simuli wosakwatiwa panobe popeza mtima wanu ukukhudzidwa kwinakwake.
Kulimbana Kwamphamvu Pamaubwenzi: Njira Yoyenera Yothana Ndi Izo
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
