Zofunika Kwambiri Mikhalidwe 7 Ya Ubwenzi Wathanzi

Meryl ndi Aron akhala limodzi kwa zaka pafupifupi 10. Ali ndi mwana wamwamuna wachinyamata, ndipo amaoneka kuti ndi moyo wabwino. Amapita limodzi kutchuthi, kukonza tsogolo la mwana wawo, ndalama zomwe amasunga, ndi maphwando apanyumba - chilichonse chomwe wowonera angachitcha kuti ndi zabwino za ubale wabwino. Koma mosasamala kanthu za zonsezi, pamene Meryl anakumana ndi bwenzi lake, Amy, ndi mwamuna wake, mtima wake unampweteka ndi chikhumbo.

Momwe awiriwa amakopekerana wina ndi mnzake, kuseka ndi kuthandizirana, kapena momwe Amy adayika dzanja lake pa iye pokumbukira tchuthi chawo chomaliza pamodzi, chilichonse chokhudza iwo chinapangitsa Meryl kuzindikira zomwe amasowa. Zochita zowoneka ngati zazing'onozi zidalankhula za mgwirizano womwe awiriwo adagawana, womwe sunali wofanana ndi ubale wake ndi Aron, womwe nthawi zonse umakhala wovuta, wosasangalatsa komanso wotanganidwa.

Monga mukuonera, ngakhale ubale womwe ukuwoneka kuti ukugwira ntchito bwino ukhoza kukhala wopanda mfundo zazikulu zomwe zimabweretsa chisangalalo kwa onse awiri. Koma kodi mfundo zazikuluzi ndi ziti? Munkhaniyi, Swaty Prakash , mphunzitsi wolankhulana yemwe ali ndi satifiketi mu Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertainty and Stress wochokera ku Yale University komanso PG Diploma mu Counseling and Family Therapy yokhala ndi ukadaulo mu uphungu wa mabanja, akulemba za makhalidwe 7 ofunikira kwambiri a ubale wabwino.

Kodi Ubale Wathanzi Ndi Chiyani?

“Mabanja onse achimwemwe ndi ofanana, koma banja lililonse losasangalala limakhala losasangalala m’njira yakeyake.” Mizere yotchuka iyi ya Anna Karenina wa Leo Tolstoy mwina inanenedwa kwa mabanja, koma imakhala yowonanso pa maubwenzi.

Pali zifukwa zambirimbiri ndi zizindikiro za ubale wosakhazikika, koma makhalidwe a ubale wabwino nthawi zambiri amakhala ofanana. Komabe, ngakhale pali kukambirana ndi kudziwa zambiri za ubalewu , kumvetsetsa makhalidwe a ubale wofunika kumakhalabe kochepa, ndipo nthawi zambiri kumakhala kosokoneza. Mwachitsanzo, anthu ambiri amaonabe kuti kusakhala ndi zizolowezi zoipa zokha kumapanga ubale wabwino.

Ndikukhumba zikadakhala zophweka chotere!

Choyamba, kusakhalapo kwa zizindikiro za ubale wosalimba ndikofunikira ndipo kungakhale chiyambi chabwino cha ubale wabwino, koma kusakhalapo kwa zizindikiro zowopsa si chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za ubale wabwino. Ndiye, kodi ubale wabwino umawoneka bwanji?

Chabwino, apa pali malingaliro ochepa a anthu omwe ali paubwenzi wabwino, watanthauzo. Ngati sizikumveka ngati mlendo kwa inu, muli ndi ubale wabwino ndi mnzanu woti musunge.

Ubale wanu:

• Sizikuwonongani
•  Simakuchepetsani inu
•  Zimakupangitsani kukhala osangalala, komanso abwino
•  Imayikanso chidwi pa kukula kwanu
•  Zimakulimbikitsani kuti mukhale abwino kwambiri
•  Zimakulolani kukhala chomwe inu muli
•  Sizimakulepheretsani inu
•  Amamvanso chimodzimodzi kwa mnzanuyo

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zinthu 10 Zimene Okwatirana Achimwemwe Amachita Zimene Ena Sachita

7 Makhalidwe A Ubale Wathanzi

Ubale wabwino si ubale "wangwiro". Mosiyana ndi maganizo a anthu ambiri, ubale wabwino si wofanana ndi kusakhalapo kwa ubale woipa kapena woopsa. Pamene okwatirana onse ali ndi thanzi labwino mwakuthupi ndi m'maganizo, osati ngakhale kuti pali ubale koma chifukwa cha ubalewo, mgwirizanowo umakhala wabwino. Payenera kukhala kubwezerana muubwenzi . Mwachidule, zikutanthauza kuti ubale ndi njira ya mbali ziwiri pomwe okwatirana onse ayenera kupereka chithandizo, kulankhulana momasuka, ndi kulemeretsedwa, ndipo chikondi kapena mphamvu zimakhala zosagwirizana.

Ubale wabwino ndi umodzi womwe anthu awiri apadera amasonkhana kuti agawane moyo womwe umapindulitsa, ndipo umakhala wolemeretsa mofanana kwa onse awiri. Monga Shannon Thomas, mlembi wa buku lakuti Healing from Hidden Abuse, akunenera kuti, “Ubwenzi wabwino ndi phwando lachikondi/kupatsana anthu onse;

Komanso, kumbukirani kuti kuti ubale ukhale wathanzi, palibe / kapena. Ndi zonse kapena ayi. Mwachitsanzo, pamene wogula wanga, Andrew, ali ndi mkazi amene amakhala naye moyo wabwino, ndipo amasamalira zosoŵa zake, iye amam’nyoza pamaso pa achibale ake ndi mabwenzi ndipo nthaŵi zonse amamuuza kuti sali woyenerera. Ichi si chitsanzo cha ubale wabwino.

Funso ndi lakuti: kodi n’chiyani chimachititsa zimenezi? Yankho la funsoli likupezeka m’makhalidwe 7 a ubale wabwino – kusakhalapo kwa chilichonse mwa izi ndi chizindikiro choopsa. Werengani kuti mudziwe makhalidwe asanu ndi awiri ofunikira kwambiri omwe amapanga ubale wabwino . Kumbukirani, makhalidwe ena ndi ofunikira pa ubale wabwino, koma awa ndi maziko ndipo sangachite popanda:

1. Kulemekezana

Chikondi ndi chimene chimagwirizanitsa anthu awiri ndipo nthawi zambiri chimakhala chochuluka chibwenzi chikayamba. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa 2010 , pakati pa anthu okwatirana ku US, 93% amati chikondi ndi chifukwa chofunikira kwambiri chokwatirirana; 84% ya anthu osakwatira amanena choncho. Amuna ndi akazi nawonso akhoza kunena kuti chikondi ndi chifukwa chofunikira kwambiri chokwatirirana.

Ngakhale chikondi ndi kukopana ndi zomwe zimapangitsa anthu awiri apadera kukhala malo amodzi, ulemu umatanthauza kuti malowo amakhala olimba ndipo chikondi chimakhalabe pakati pawo. Anthu awiri akhoza kukondana kwambiri, koma chikondi chingapitirire malire, nthawi zina chimakhala chankhanza komanso chodzaza. Ndi ulemu womwe umakhala muubwenzi womwe ndi wofunika kwambiri pakapita nthawi ndipo umapangitsa kuti ubalewo ukhale wabwino, wofunika, komanso woyenera.

Monga Robin Williams ananena motchuka kuti: “Ndinkaona kuti chinthu choipitsitsa kwambiri m’moyo n’kukhala wekhawekha, si choncho.

Ulemu umatanthauza:

• Kuvomereza ndi kuvomereza mabwenzi momwe alili
•  Kulimbikitsa ndi kukulitsa chithandizo kuti abwenzi akule
•  Osayembekezera kapena kupempha okondedwa kukhala wina
•  Kukhala mu mgwirizano ndi maganizo a mnzanuyo, zosowa, ndi zofunika patsogolo
•  Chifundo ndi kumvetsetsa

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Pamene Kuvomereza, Chikondi, ndi Ulemu Zitayika mu Ubwenzi

2. Chidwi

Anthu aŵiri akakopeka, kapena pamene mukondana ndi munthu wina, mumathamangira kudziŵana. Ndipotu, onse awiriwa amayendetsedwa ndi chidwi ichi komanso chidwi chofuna kudziwa zonse zokhudza winayo pamene chibwenzi chikuyamba. Komabe, m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, chidwi chimenechi chimatha, ndipo chimene chimayamba ndi kudziŵana bwino, ndipo chotsatira ndicho kunyong’onyeka.

Mu maphunziro anga opereka uphungu, ndawona kuti anthu omwe akhala m'banja kwa nthawi yayitali, komanso "odziwa zonse zokhudza okondedwa awo" ndi omwe amamva kuti sakugwirizana kwambiri. Kusowa chidwi kumeneku, kapena pamene mnzawo akutaya chidwi ndi chibwenzicho kungagwetse ngakhale maziko olimba.

Ngakhale kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti pakati pa makhalidwe 7 awa a ubale wabwino, kubwezeretsa chidwi chokhudza mnzanu wanu kungathandize kwambiri. Chidwi chingakope anthu awiri apadera kuti agwirizanenso, kubwezeretsa zomwe adataya, kuwathandiza kulankhulana m'njira zatsopano komanso zodziwika bwino, ndikutsimikizira munthu kuti mnzanuyo ali ndi chidwi naye.

Monga momwe wafilosofi Wachingelezi wa 17th Century Thomas Hobbes akunenera, “Chidwi ndicho chilakolako cha maganizo.” Pamene okondedwa ali pachibwenzi ali ndi chidwi chofuna kudziwana wina ndi mzake, zimasunga kuchuluka kwa zodabwitsa ndi chisangalalo chotseguka.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Mapu a Chikondi: Momwe Zimathandizira Kumanga Ubale Wolimba

3. Kukhulupirira ndi kuona mtima

Pochita zokambirana zomanga timu, masewera otchuka kwambiri ndi "masewera okhulupirira". Ntchitoyi ingagwiritsidwenso ntchito kumasulira zolinga za banja ndipo ikhoza kukhala chizindikiro cha momwe banja likuyendera.

Monga gawo la masewerawa, mmodzi mwa okondedwawo watsekedwa m'maso, ndipo mnzakeyo amaima kumbuyo. Mnzawo wophimbidwa m'maso amayenera kumasuka, ndikugwa chagada ndi chidaliro kuti anzawo awapulumutsa kuti asagwe.

Othandizana nawo, omwe angathe kutero, nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi maubwenzi abwino kuposa omwe amamva kuti ali okhwima, ndipo matupi awo amaundana akafunsidwa kuti abwerere. Ngakhale kuti iyi si ntchito yotsimikizirika yodziwira kuchuluka kwa kudalirana pakati pa anthu awiri, phindu la ntchitoyi ndiloti chinenero cha thupi, mantha, kapena kusakhazikika, miyendo yosakhazikika imapereka zambiri kuposa momwe msonkhano wamba ungakhalire.

Kutha kuuza mnzanu chilichonse - kuyambira kale lomwe munali ndi chibwenzi chogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha mpaka inuyo mukufuna kusiya ntchito - ndi dalitso lomwe maubwenzi abwino okha ndi omwe amasangalala nalo. Kudalirana ndi khalidwe lofunika kwambiri pa ubale wabwino, ndipo kusowa chikondi ndi komwe kumapha chikondi ndipo ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zomwe zimawononga ukwati.

Komabe, musatilakwitse apa. Pali kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa kukhala woona mtima ndi kukhala payekha. Ngati mwasankha kumubisira zinthu zinazake kwa mnzanuyo chifukwa chofuna kuzibisa mwachinsinsi, kumeneko sikukhala kusaona mtima. Pamene anthu awiri ali owona mtima muubwenzi, iwo:

• Angathe kunena moona mtima mmene akumvera
•  Khalani omasuka komanso abwino
•  Pangani mkhalidwe womvetsetsana
•  Khalani ndi chifundo wina ndi mnzake
•  Khalani ndi chikhulupiriro chochulukirapo komanso nkhani zocheperako zodalira
•  Zimakhala zogwirizana komanso zodalirika
•  Khalani ndi zenizeni ziyembekezo mu maubwenzi, ndipo palibe malonjezo amene sangakwaniritse

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zochita Zodalirika Kwa Okwatirana Kuti Akonze Ubale - Dziwani Kuchokera kwa Akatswiri

4. Kukondana

Anthu awiri akakhala paubwenzi wabwino komanso wachikondi, chinthu chimodzi chomwe chimapangitsa kuti ubalewu ukhale wosiyana ndi wa ena ndi kuchuluka kwa ubale wapamtima. Kodi ubale wapamtima ndi chiyani ? Kodi ubale wapamtima pakati pa okwatirana awiri kapena chilakolako chogonana chomwe chimawagwirizanitsa?

Chabwino, ubwenzi uli zonse kugwirizana maganizo ndi kuyandikana kugonana. Poyamba, ubwenzi umaphatikizapo njira zabwino zoyankhulirana pakati pa okondedwa. Chimodzi mwamakhalidwe ofunikira a ubale wabwino, ubwenzi wapamtima umakhudza kukhudzika kwathupi ndi kulumikizana m'malingaliro pakati pa anthu awiriwa koma sikumangokhala pamenepo.

Mwachitsanzo, pamene okwatirana akukula ndipo libido imachepa, pamene kugonana kungachepetse, ubwenzi umafika pamtunda watsopano. Mitundu inayi yaubwenzi imapanga maziko olimba a ubale wabwino.

1. Ubwenzi wakuthupi: Kuyambira pakugonana mpaka kukumbatirana ndi kupsompsonana, ndichinthu chofunikira kwambiri kuti anthu awiri paubwenzi akhale ndi moyo wabwino. Kuwonetseratu kwathupi ndikokulitsa kukhazikika kwamalingaliro ndi khalidwe lofunika mu mgwirizano wathanzi
2. Ubwenzi wapamtima: Kutha kuwuza mnzanu za mantha anu aubwana wanu, kugawana zipsera zanu ndi zofooka zanu, ndikutha kupanga malo otetezeka omwewo kwa wokondedwa wanu ndizomwe ubale watanthauzo umapangidwa.
3. Ubwenzi wanzeru: Apa ndi pamene anthu okwatirana amagwirizana mwanzeru, amatha kukambirana nkhani zosiyanasiyana, kuganizira maganizo a wina ndi mzake, ndipo akhoza kupirira komanso kuyamikira kusiyana.
4. Ubwenzi wapagulu: Ndi mmene anthu aŵiri amachitira zinthu zokondana ndipo amathera nthaŵi pamodzi monga okwatirana

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe tinasungira ubale wapamtima m'banja lathu ngakhale kuti sitinali ndi chinsinsi

5. Kusatetezeka

Paulo Cohelo mu Eleven Minutes analemba kuti, “Chikondi champhamvu kwambiri ndicho chikondi chimene chingasonyeze kufooka kwake.” Chiwopsezo ndi kulimba mtima kumasuka ndipo ndi khalidwe lofunika kwambiri paubwenzi wabwino.

Kusatetezeka sikutanthauza kungolankhula za mantha ndi zofooka zanu, komanso kumatanthauza kulankhula za zochita kapena mawu a mnzanu omwe amakupangitsani kukhala ofooka kapena osatetezeka. Mu kafukufuku wokhudza ubale wapamtima ndi ubale, mwamuna wina yemwe adatenga nawo mbali adafotokoza nthawi yomwe adachita manyazi komanso manyazi pamene mnzake "ankamuseka" pamaso pa anzawo.

Iye anati, “Ngakhale mukuganiza kuti ndi nthabwala chabe, zimandipangitsa kuti ndisakhulupirire zomwe munganene pagulu, choncho sindikufuna kukhala nanu pafupi ndi anzathu.” Kudalirana kumeneku kukhala wofooka pa iwo ndi chizindikiro cha ubale wabwino, ndipo kufooka muubwenzi kumatanthauza kuti anthu awiri adzakhala ndi mwayi waukulu wopita limodzi kutali.

6. Kuthetsa kusamvana

Kusamvana ndi chinthu chofunikira komanso chosapeweka mu ubale uliwonse. Kunena zowona, pamene unansiwo ukuyandikira kwambiri, m’pamenenso mikangano imawonjezereka. Dr. John Gottman, amene zotsatira zake zofufuza zaukwati ndi maubwenzi ndi choonadi cha uthenga wabwino kwa alangizi ambiri a mabanja padziko lonse lapansi, akunena kuti gawo limodzi mwa magawo atatu a mikangano yonse ikhoza kuthetsedwa ndi njira yoyenera ndi kuganizira.

Kafukufuku wake wochuluka akuwonetsa kuti chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri pa ubale wabwino ndi momwe okwatirana amachitira zinthu komanso kuthetsa mikangano. Njira zawo zothetsera mikangano ndizofunikira kwambiri pa ubwino wa ubale wawo.

Malinga ndi Dr. Gottman, iwo samagwiritsa ntchito kutsutsa, kunyoza, kuteteza, kapena kugwetsa miyala - okwera pamahatchi anayi a apocalypse omwe angatchule tsoka pa ubale uliwonse. M'malo mwake, anthu awa:

• Gwiritsani ntchito mawu oti “Ine” polankhula zakukhosi
•  Musamachite manyazi kusonyeza kuyamikira
•  Osawopa kunena kuti "Pepani" chifukwa cha zolakwa zawo
•  Yesetsani kumvetsetsa malingaliro a mnzanu ngakhale mukulimbana
•  Pumulani, ndipo sankhani "Time-Out" mkangano usanayambe
•  Nthawi zambiri mugwiritse ntchito nthabwala kuti muthetse kusamvana
•  Pewani kutukwana kapena kutukwana mukakhala nokha, kapena pamaso pa anthu

Anthu omwe ali ndi ubale wabwino amatembenukira m'malo mopita kutali ndipo saona "kusagwirizana" ngati chizindikiro cha kutayika kapena kunyozedwa. Amaganizira za malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake ndipo amapita patsogolo kuti akakumane ndi okondedwa awo pakati pa nthawi iliyonse akatha. Ngati zokambirana zonse zisintha kukhala mkangano , okwatirana omwe ali ndi ubale wabwino amakhala pansi ndikukambirana zomwe ziyenera kusinthidwa, m'malo mosiya wina ndi mnzake.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungalamulire Mkwiyo Mu Ubwenzi - Njira 12 Zochepetsera Mkwiyo

7. Malire

Makhalidwe onse asanu ndi limodzi a ubale wabwino omwe atchulidwa mpaka pano adzatha kugwira ngati anthu awiriwa amvetsetsana, kuyika, ndi kulemekeza malire a wina ndi mzake. Malirewa akhoza kukhala akuthupi, achikhalidwe, azachuma, ogonana, kapena amalingaliro. Komanso, pokhapo ngati mikhalidwe yomwe ili pamwambayi monga kukhulupirirana, njira yaulemu yoyendetsera kusamvana, ulemu, kusatetezeka, ndi ubwenzi wapamtima ulipo muubwenzi pamene anthu awiri akhoza kukhazikitsa malire enieni.

Malire amatanthauza kulola mnzanuyo kudziwa yemwe inu muli monga munthu, ndi zimene kusankha kwanu m'moyo. Pofuna kuteteza ubale wawo komanso kudziteteza kuti asavulazidwe, okwatirana amaika malire omwe amawafotokozera zomwe angavomereze kwa wina ndi mzake ndi zomwe zili zosayenera ndi zoletsedwa kwa iwo. Amadzitetezera okha pamene amalemekeza ndi kuganizira malingaliro a wokondedwa wawo.

Kuyambira kugawaniza ntchito zapakhomo ndi kunena kuti “ayi” mtheradi mpaka kutchula mayina kuti amveketse bwino malire awo okhudza kugonana, anthu amene ali ndi maubwenzi abwino amaika malire omveka bwino ndi oona mtima pa mbali iliyonse ya moyo wawo.
Malire abwino mu maubwenzi othandizira othandizana nawo:

• Kumvetsetsana bwino
•  Khazikitsani ziyembekezo zomveka
•  Garners ulemu ndi kukhulupirirana
•  Ganizirani zokonda za wina ndi mnzake
•  Khalani achifundo ndi kuthandizana wina ndi mzake

Sitingatsimikize mokwanira kuti ubale wabwino siwongochitika. Mwachitsanzo, simungakhale ndi chidaliro koma njira yoyendetsera mikangano ndikuyitcha ubale wabwino. Kuchokera pakupanga malire amalingaliro owona mtima ndi njira zowona mtima zothetsera mikangano mpaka kutengera njira zolankhulirana zabwino, mikhalidwe yonse yofunika ya unansi wabwino iyenera kukhalapo kuti chomangiracho chiziyenda bwino. Makhalidwe ena monga kuyanjana, ndi kukhala ndi abwenzi kunja kwa chibwenzi kumathandizanso kuti ubale ukhale wabwino.

Koma ngati zimenezo zikuoneka ngati ntchito yosatheka, nachi chitsanzo: Ngati anthu aŵiri ali ofunitsitsa kuti zinthu ziyende bwino pakati pawo, palibe ngakhale limodzi la mikhalidwe imeneyi limene limakhala lovuta kukwaniritsa. Iwo amakhala gawo la kuzungulira pafupifupi organically, ndipo chifukwa iwo n'kofunika kwambiri, kumbukirani kusakhazikika pa chirichonse chocheperapo chirichonse mu ubwenzi!

Zinthu 10 Zomwe Simuyenera Kumuuza Wokondedwa Wanu

17 Zizindikiro Muli Mu Ubale Wosagwirizana

Zizindikiro 10 za Ubale Wathanzi

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

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