Nthawi zina chikondi sichimakwanira kuti ubale ukhale wolimba. Ngakhale kuti ali ndi chikondi chozama, okwatirana akhoza kukhala oopsa kwa wina ndi mzake ngati alephera kukulitsa ulemu, kukhulupirirana, kumvetsetsana ndi kudalirana kwabwino. Tsopano, mungayesedwe kutichotsa ife monga gulu la osuliza omwe sadziwa mphamvu ya chikondi chenicheni. Kupatula apo, kodi John Lennon, nthanoyo mwiniwakeyo, sanatiuze kuti 'Chimene mukufuna ndi chikondi'.
Chabwino, timvereni ife. Lennon nayenso anali mwamuna wankhanza, amene ankamenya akazi ake onse n’kusiya mwana wake. Zaka makumi atatu ndi zisanu pambuyo pake, Trent Reznor wochokera ku Nine Inch Nails analemba nyimbo yotchedwa 'Chikondi sichikwanira'. Anakwatira mkazi mmodzi ndipo ali ndi ana awiri. Ngakhale amadziwika chifukwa chamasewera ake odabwitsa, adayimitsa chimbale chonsecho komanso maulendo ake onse chifukwa cha mantha a COVID-19 kukhala kunyumba ndikukhala ndi banja lake.
Chifukwa chotchulira malingaliro awiriwa otsutsana kwambiri pa chikondi ndi chakuti mmodzi wa amuna awiriwa amamvetsetsa bwino za chikondi. Ndipo chikondi chinacho chinali chothetsera mavuto ake onse. Mofananamo, m’chikhalidwe chilichonse padziko lonse lapansi, ambiri aife timalingalira za chikondi.
Monga Lennon, timaona chikondi mopambanitsa ndikunyalanyaza mfundo zofunika kwambiri zomwe zimathandizira kuti pakhale ubale wabwino. Chifukwa chake, maubale athu amalipira mtengo waukulu. Koma mukaganiza ngati Reznor, mumazindikira kuti 'chikondi sichikwanira', osati nthawi zonse. Chikondi chikhoza kubweretsa anthu awiri pamodzi koma sikokwanira kulimbikitsa ubale wautali, wokhalitsa pakati pawo.
Nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira ndipo msewu umakhala wovuta, muyenera kuchokapo kuti mudziteteze. Pamodzi, tiyeni tifufuze zochitika zingapo ngati izi zomwe chikondi chokha sichili chifukwa chabwino chokhalira limodzi.
Kodi Chikondi Sichikwanira Chimatanthauza Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Tonse timadabwa, kodi chikondi chimakwanira mu ubale? Yankho losavuta ndi lakuti Ayi! Anthu amati nthawi zina chikondi sichimakwanira chifukwa nthawi zambiri chimakhala chokhazikika. Monga china chilichonse m'moyo, chikondi chimabwera ndi mikhalidwe. Pamene mikhalidwe yosonkhezera chikondi ikusintha, sikungakhalenso kokwanira kusunga anthu aŵiri pamodzi. Ndicho chifukwa chake nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira ndipo njira imakhala yovuta.
Kafukufuku wopangidwa ndi Robert Sternberg akufotokoza kuti nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira chifukwa sichinthu chimodzi. Ndi zambiri za gulu la zinthu zina zosiyanasiyana. Mukasanthula chiphunzitso cha Robert cha Triangular cha Chikondi, mudzamvetsetsa kuti nthawi zina chikondi sichikhala ndi tanthauzo lokwanira pakudzipereka kwenikweni.
Lingaliro lakuti kusesa-you-off-your-foot-mtundu wa chikondi ndi zonse zomwe mukufunikira kuti mupeze mosangalala nthawi zonse ndi zina zadyetsedwa kwa ife kwa nthawi yayitali kudzera mu nthano, mafilimu ndi chikhalidwe cha pop. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, ambiri aife talowetsa lingaliro ili mkati ndi kuika ziyembekezo zosayembekezereka za chimene chikondi chimatanthauza kwa ife. Komabe, chikondi si mankhwala amatsenga omwe mukangodyedwa amakulowetsani kudziko losangalatsa lachisangalalo ndi mgwirizano wamuyaya.
Tikamaganizira mozama zinthu ngati zimenezi, timaika pachiwopsezo chowononga ubale wathu . Ubale wabwino umafuna zambiri osati chikondi chosangalatsa chabe. Umafuna kuti musankhe munthu yemweyo, mabala ndi zina zotero, tsiku ndi tsiku, ndikukhala limodzi nthawi zonse. Umafunikanso kuti musinthe tanthauzo lanu la chikondi ndikupeza njira zatsopano zolumikizirana ndi wokondedwa wanu.
Utali wautali ndi waufupi wa chikondi nthawi zina sikokwanira tanthauzo ndikuti ngakhale kutengeka uku kungakhale gawo lofunikira pa ubale wokondwa, akadali chigawo chimodzi osati chilinganizo chonse.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 9 za Kusowa Chifundo mu Ubale ndi Njira 6 Zothanirana Nazo
Zifukwa 7 Zomwe Muyenera Kuthetsa Chifukwa Nthawi Zina Chikondi Sichikwanira
Kodi chikondi chokwanira mu ubale? Ngati mwadzifunsapo funso ili, pali mwayi woti mwakhala mukukayikira ngati muli ndi zomwe zimafunika kumanga ubale wolimba ndi ena anu ofunika.
Kukayikira kotereku kungakhale kochititsa mantha chifukwa pali zinthu zochepa zopweteka monga kuchoka kwa munthu amene umamukonda. Komabe, nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira. Pa chikondi chonse chomwe mungakhale nacho mu mtima mwanu kwa wokondedwa wanu, mutha kukhalabe ngati chikhomo chapakati pa dzenje lozungulira.
Ngati simuli oyenerana wina ndi mnzake, palibe kuchuluka kwa malingaliro olakalaka kapena malingaliro achikondi omwe angasinthe izi. Nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira ndipo msewu umakhala wovuta, ndi bwino kuchokapo ndikutembenuza tsamba latsopano. Nazi zochitika 7 zomwe muyenera kuvomereza kuti nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira ndikuganiziranso za tsogolo lanu:
1. Mukufuna zinthu zosiyanasiyana
Mutha kukhala okondwa kumayambiriro kwa ubale wanu, koma patatha zaka zingapo, mumachoka. Zomwe mumayika patsogolo, zolinga zanu komanso malingaliro adziko lapansi zitha kusintha, ndikukusiyani mukudabwa kuti, "Kodi chikondi ndi chokwanira muubwenzi?" Mwachitsanzo, mungafune kukwatiwa ndikukhazikika koma mnzanuyo angafune kupita kunja kukapeza ntchito zabwino. Kapena mwinamwake, mmodzi wa inu akufuna ana ndipo winayo samadziona ngati kholo. Muzochitika zotere, palibe aliyense wa inu amene amalakwitsa, kungoti tsogolo lomwe mukuganizira nokha silikugwirizana.
Ngati simungathe kupatsana zomwe mukufuna muubwenzi ndipo mukuzindikira kuti zilakolako sizisintha, ndiye kuti muyenera kuleka. Ndikoyenera kuzindikira ndikuvomereza kuti nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira ndipo njira imakhala yovuta ndikupitiliza ndi miyoyo yanu. Kuleka ndi munthu amene mumamukonda komanso amene mumamukonda kungakhale kowawa kwambiri, koma nthawi zina ndi chinthu choyenera kuchita.
2. Mtunda ndi wochuluka
Tiyerekeze kuti mutha kukumana ndi mnzanu wapaulendo ndipo chikondi chimaphuka mokwanira. Mwakanthidwa, simungathe kukwanirana wina ndi mzake ndikukhala limodzi mphindi iliyonse. Kenako, zenizeni zimagunda. Nonse mukukhala mbali zina za dziko lapansi ndipo palibe amene angathe kusamukira kwina.
Mumayesetsa kuchita zinthu zonse zakutali chifukwa chakuti mumakondana kwambiri koma mumangokhalira kukhumbirana, kuganizirana nthawi zonse. Pamene mtunda umapangitsa kukhala kosatheka kulimbitsa kudzipereka ndikutenga chiyanjano ku mlingo wina, mukhoza kuzindikira kuti nthawi zina chikondi chokha sichikwanira.
Mwina munamvapo kuchokera kwa anthu kuti mtunda wautali ukhoza kugwira ntchito. Chabwino, zingatero koma si kwa aliyense. Ngati ubale wa mtunda wautali ukukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu nokha komanso wotopa, ndiye kuti sikoyenera. Nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira ndipo njira imakhala yovuta ndipo muyenera kusiya chibwenzi ndi mnzanu wapamtima, makamaka pamene palibe njira ina.
3. Sakupatsani chithandizo chomwe mukufuna
Kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino, nthawi zina chikondi chokha sichikwanira, mumafunikanso wokondedwa wanu kuti akuthandizeni. Kukhala ndi munthu yemwe amachirikiza maloto anu, zokhumba zanu, zisankho zanu ndipo alipo nthawi yomwe mumazifuna kwambiri ndizofunikira kwambiri kuposa chikondi chomwe chimakupangitsani kuti mukhale mpikisano wamtima.
Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kukukondani kwambiri, kukuwonongani ndikukusangalatsani ndi mphatso koma zimakhala zopanda phindu pakapita nthawi ngati sangathe kusonyeza chithandizo, momwe mukufunira. Pamene mukuyesera kutenga dziko, abwana anu, anzanu kapena apongozi anu, zikhoza kukuwonongerani mphamvu zanu zonse. Kukhala ndi mnzanu wothandizira kumapangitsa kuti khamalo likhale lopindulitsa komanso kuti liziyenda mosavuta. Phindu lokhala ndi munthu m'modzi ameneyo pakona panu silinganyalanyazidwe.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zifukwa 12 Zomveka Zothetsera Chibwenzi - Ziribe kanthu zomwe Dziko Limanena
4. Pamene wokondedwa wanu akusokoneza maganizo
Kodi chikondi ndi chokwanira muubwenzi? Inde, sichoncho, kukhala pachikondi kuli ngati kusokoneza maganizo . Inde, sizachilendo kuti anthu omwe ali paubwenzi ayambe kusokoneza maganizo, makhalidwe ndi zizolowezi za wina ndi mnzake. Komabe, mu equation yabwino komanso yomanga, chisonkhezerochi ndi chachilengedwe osati chokakamiza, chogwirizana komanso chosagwirizana.
Komano, kusokoneza maganizo, ndi chida chankhanza cholamulira maganizo a munthu, zokhumba zake, ndipo pamapeto pake, moyo wake. Ngati ndizomwe mukupeza m'dzina la chikondi, ndi nthawi yoti muvomereze kuti nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira ndipo muyenera kuchita bwino.
Ngati muli ndi mnzanu amene amasinthasintha kukuuzani kuti 'sangakhale popanda inu' mpaka 'zolakwa zanu zonse', ndiye nthawi yoti munyamule. Woyang'anira bwenzi angagwetse kudzidalira kwanu ndikukupangitsani kudalira pa iwo. Wothandizana naye yemwe amagwiritsa ntchito njira zosokoneza malingaliro amapanga dala kusalinganika kwa mphamvu. Amadyera masuku pamutu ozunzidwa, kuti athe kuwalamulira kuti akwaniritse zolinga zawo. Nthawi zina chikondi sichikhala chokwanira tanthauzo silimveka bwino kuposa pamenepo.
5. Okondedwa anu sali okondwa
Ubale wopanda chimwemwe sungakhale wabwino ndi wabwino. Chisangalalochi chiyenera kukhala chogwirizana. Ndizotheka kuti muli okondwa pachibwenzi koma mnzanu sangakhale wokondwa. Tsoka ilo, chimwemwe sichimapatsirana nthawi zonse.
Tonsefe tili ndi matanthauzo osiyanasiyana a tanthauzo la kukhala wosangalala. Zifukwa zosasangalatsa muubwenzi zimatha kusiyana kuyambira zosowa zosakwaniritsidwa mpaka ziyembekezo zosiyana ndi zolinga zosiyana. Kukhalabe muubwenzi wotere kumatanthauza kuvomereza chinthu chomwe sichikukhutiritsa, osati kwa mnzanu wosasangalala yekha komanso kwa inu. Ndipotu, munthu wosasangalala sangapangitse ubale kukhala wosangalatsa.
Zikafika pamenepo, ndi bwino kusiya. Ndipo pambuyo pa zonse, ngati mumakondadi mnzanuyo, mungafune kuti asangalale. Anthu anzeru komanso ozindikira sachita manyazi kuvomereza kuti nthawi zina chikondi sichokwanira, tsimikizani kuti izi ndi zabwino momwe zimakhalira ndikugawana njira zisanathe kupangitsana kukhala omvetsa chisoni kwambiri.
6. Kusayenderana
Kungokondana ndi munthu sizikutanthauza kuti ndi bwenzi loyenera kwa inu. Nthawi zina chikondi sichimakwanira kutanthauza kuti chikondi chingakhale chokwanira kubweretsa anthu awiri pamodzi koma osati kuwanyamula paulendo wamoyo. Chikondi ndi njira yotengera malingaliro, kugwirizana kumakhala koyenera. Onsewa amafunikira mulingo wofanana kuti apange mgwirizano wokhazikika.
Ngati inu awiri awiri simukugwirizana, ndiye kuti chikondi sichingathe kukonza vutoli. Ngati inu ndi mnzanu muli osiyana ngati choko ndi tchizi, mungapeze bwanji malo ofanana kuti mumangire moyo wogawana? Mankhwala angakhale abwino kwambiri kuyambitsa kufalikira kwa moto, koma ndi kugwirizana muubwenzi komwe kumasanduka moto woyaka pang'onopang'ono womwe suzima.
Ngati simukupeza kuti ndi munthu, ndi bwino kuvomereza kuti nthawi zina chikondi chokha sichikwanira ndikugawana njira m'malo mokhalira limodzi muubwenzi wosokonekera.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Sitingathe Kuthetsa Ubale Wathu Ndipo Sitikuona Tsogolo Limodzi…
7. Anthu amene mumawakonda amatsutsa
Pamene muli m'chikondi, muli ku la-la dziko ndi utawaleza ndi kuwala kwa dzuwa. Mumakonda kunyalanyaza makhalidwe onse oipa a mnzanuyo ndikunyalanyaza mbendera zonse zofiira zomwe zikukuuzani kuti musiye kufa m'mabande anu. Komabe, omwe ali pafupi ndi inu - abwenzi anu ndi achibale anu - amatha kuwona mbendera zofiira izi kalekale musanachite.
Anzanu ndi achibale anu akamakutsutsani, muyenera kuganizira. Atha kukhala ndi nkhawa zomveka komanso akuwona zinthu zomwe simungathe kuziwona. Zikatero, ndi bwino kuvomereza kuti nthawi zina chikondi chokha sichikwanira ndikuthetsa kusiyana ndi kupitiriza ubale umene ungakhale wopanda tsogolo.
Nthawi zina chikondi sichikwanira ndipo njira imakhala yovuta kwa maanja omwe sali oyenerana. Musatengeke ndi kutengeka koyambirira kwa kutengeka. N’chifukwa chake nthawi zambiri amati kuthamangira pachibwenzi sichitha. Chifukwa chake, onetsetsani kuti mutenga zinthu pang'onopang'ono, yesani madzi, muwone momwe ubale umapitira patsogolo pa nthawi yaukwati musanakonzekere tsogolo ndi munthu. Ngakhale mutakhala ndi munthu kwa nthawi yayitali ndikuyamba kuzindikira kuti nthawi zina chikondi sichimakwanira, kumbukirani kuti sikunachedwe kuti mutengenso chimwemwe chanu.
Zizindikiro 17 Zomwe Zimawululira Kuti Mwakumana Ndi Amapasa Anu Abodza
Mitundu 7 Yakusatetezeka Paubwenzi, Ndi Momwe Ingakukhudzireni
Limerence vs Chikondi | Kusiyana Ndi Zizindikiro Zoyenera Kudziwa
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
