"Ukukumbukira nthawi yomwe unali pachibwenzi ndi mnyamata amene ndimadana naye kwambiri?" akufunsa Emily.
"Inde, ndimamukumbukira, munthu uja !!!, Nditha kukuuzani ndili kutali kwambiri kuti anali wochenjera komanso wonyenga," akutero Danielle.
Tonse takhala mwanjira imeneyo, si ine ndekha amene ndinakumana ndi munthu wogwiriridwa ndi kuzunzidwa m'njira zosiyanasiyana," akutero Dina.
Nkhanizi zomwe zidachitika pakati pa abwenzi atatu apamtima zitha kukukumbutsani kudziwa munthu m'modzi yemwe adakwerapo zamitundu yosiyanasiyana yosokoneza malingaliro. Kapena choyipirapo, mwina munakumanapo ndi kusinthidwa kofananako m'malingaliro ndi m'malingaliro osatha kuwona mbendera zofiira munthawi yake.
Chowonadi chosasangalatsa ndichakuti ndikosavuta kuwona kutengeka kwamalingaliro muubwenzi zikachitika kwa wina. Komabe, tikakhala pamavuto, kutengeka kwathu kungathe kutipangitsa kukhala osaona ngakhale njira zodziwikiratu zowononga malingaliro.
Nthawi zambiri kulephera kuwona mbendera zofiira kapena kukana maubwenzi ovuta kumabwera chifukwa cha kusamvetsetsa zomwe zimasokoneza malingaliro ndi momwe zimagwirira ntchito. Chifukwa chake, tiyeni tikonze izi mothandizidwa ndi chidziwitso chochokera kwa upangiri wa psychologist Kavita Panyam (Masters in Psychology and international affiliate ndi American Psychological Association), omwe akhala akuthandiza maanja kuthana ndi mavuto awo paubwenzi kwazaka zopitilira makumi awiri.
Kumvetsetsa Kusokoneza Maganizo
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Zamalingaliro kunyengerera mu maubwenzi kutanthauza kugwiritsa ntchito malingaliro ngati zida zowongolera bwenzi/mnzako mwanjira yachinyengo kapena yovulaza. Mnzanu wopusitsa amagwiritsa ntchito kusokoneza maganizo komwe kumaphatikizapo kukakamizidwa kuti musinthe zikhulupiriro kapena khalidwe lanu pogwiritsa ntchito njira zosokoneza maganizo.
Kavita akufotokoza kuti, “Kusokoneza maganizo ndiko kuyesa kupangitsa munthu kuganiza ngati inu, kuchita zinthu ngati inuyo ndi kuchita zinthu zimene inuyo mumazikonda. Mumafuna kuwachititsa kuchita zinthu mwanjira inayake kapena kumva chinachake.
“Njira zopusitsira chikondi zoterozo zimachititsa kuti pakhale mgwirizano wogonjera kwambiri, pamene bwenzi mmodzi ali wolamulira ndipo winayo amagonjera.” Wonyengayo amalankhula mosamalitsa ndipo amafuna kuti mnzawoyo azigonjera nthaŵi zonse, kuchita zinthu mogwirizana ndi zofuna zawo.
Mtsikana wina wazaka 21, dzina lake Linda, ananena kuti: “Miyezi ingapo tili pachibwenzi, ndinapita kukacheza ndi anzanga popanda chibwenzi changa, John.
Koma John ankangonditumizira mameseji nthawi yonseyi akunena kuti ndine munthu woipa ndipo ndimamubera. Ndinatuluka popanda iye kuti ndikagone ndi anyamata ena. Ananditumizira mameseji usiku wonse ngakhale nditasiya kuyankha. Zinali zosokoneza maganizo zomwe zinandithera mphamvu ndipo sindinathe ngakhale kukhala ndi nthawi yabwino ndi anzanga, kotero ndinachoka ndikulunjika kunyumba kwanga.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kusokoneza Chikondi - Zinthu 15 Zobisika Monga Chikondi
Kodi Mitundu 6 Yosiyanasiyana Yakusokoneza Maganizo Ndi Chiyani?
Kumayambiriro kwa chibwenzi kapena ukwati, chikondi chikamakula, timakonda kunyalanyaza makhalidwe oipa a okondedwa athu. Makhalidwe oipawa amakhala ndi mbali zakuda za umunthu wawo, zochokera ku zowawa zawo zakale, zomwe zingawonekere m'kusokoneza maganizo mu ubale kapena ukwati kapena njira zina zodzilamulira. Ndiye funso likubwera, kodi mumazindikira bwanji ngati mukukumana ndi vuto muubwenzi kapena m'banja?
Kavita anati, “Choncho kusokoneza maganizo m’banja kapena m’chikondi ndi pamene umadziona kuti ulibe mphamvu, wosokonezeka komanso wokhumudwa chifukwa chakuti sungathe kuswa chitsanzochi komanso ukusewera ndi munthu amene akukukoka zingwe. mumadalira mnzanuyo ndipo ndikufuna kuwasunga panjira iliyonse. Ngati sungathe kusiya anthu, ndiye kuti ndiwe munthu wangwiro woti anthu azimugwiritsa ntchito.”
Anthu okonda ziwembu amagwiritsa ntchito dala njira zosokoneza maganizo mobisa kuti ayambitse kutengeka maganizo kwambiri motero kusokoneza maganizo a wina ndi kuwathera mphamvu. Mndandanda wa machenjerero osokoneza malingaliro ukhoza kukhala wovuta komanso wotopetsa, ndipo wozunzidwayo akhoza kugwidwa ndi mtundu umodzi kapena zingapo za kusokoneza maganizo.
M'nkhaniyi, tikuyang'ana pa mitundu 6 yosiyanasiyana ya kusokoneza maganizo - kuyatsa gasi, kusewera wozunzidwa, kugawanitsa ndi kugonjetsa, kuchepetsa nkhawa zanu zovomerezeka, kuchitiridwa manyazi ndi kupezerera anzawo komanso kukonda mabomba. Izi ndi zofala kwambiri m'mabuku osewerera a wozunza.
Kuti tikuthandizeni kudziteteza, tiyeni tiwone zomwe mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya kusokoneza malingaliro imatanthauza ndi momwe mungawazindikire:
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 5 Zokhudza Nkhanza Zomwe Muyenera Kusamala Pochenjeza Wothandizira
1. Kuunikira gasi ndi imodzi mwa mitundu yofala kwambiri yosokoneza malingaliro
Kuunikira kwa gasi ndi njira yosokoneza malingaliro yomwe imagwiritsidwa ntchito kupangitsa munthu kukayikira zenizeni zake. Mnzanu wankhanza kapena wankhanza amakufunsani momwe mukumvera komanso kukumbukira kwanu kuti athe kukuthandizani kapena kukulamulirani. Amazichita mobwerezabwereza mpaka mutayamba kudzifunsa nokha. Chifukwa chake kukupangitsani kukhala kovuta kuti mukhulupirire zisankho zanu ndi zigamulo zanu.
"Gaslighting mu maubwenzi ali pamwamba pa mndandanda wa njira zosokoneza maganizo zomwe mnzawo wankhanza angagwiritse ntchito. Pogwiritsa ntchito njira yowunikira gasi, wonyengayo amakana, chifukwa chake, amalepheretsa zenizeni zanu. Zowona zosavomerezeka zimasokoneza kapena kufooketsa malingaliro a wozunzidwa pa dziko lawo ndipo zimatha kuwapangitsa kukayikira misala yawo. "Sindikudziwa kuti lingaliro limenelo unalitenga kuti." “Zonse zili m’mutu mwanu,” analemba motero wolemba mabuku Adelyn Birch.
Momwe mungadziwire:
Kuti muzindikire kuti mnzanuyo ndi njira yosinthira malingaliro pa inu, muyenera kuchita mosamala. Kavita akuti, "Kulingalira n'kofunika. Ngati mumagwiritsa ntchito kulingalira, mudzatha kumvetsetsa kuti ndi mbali iti yomwe ili yowona komanso yomwe si yowona. Kulingalira ndikukhala tcheru, kuzindikira nthawi yamakono ndi zochitika zamakono. Pamene simukuchita zambiri m'maganizo, kukumbukira kwanu ndi kusunga malo omwe mumakhala nawo, malingaliro, khalidwe la kulankhula ndi zochita zili bwino. Izi zingakuthandizeni kuzindikira nthawi yomwe muli nayo komanso kudziteteza. "
2. Kusewera wozunzidwa ndi njira yachikale yosokoneza chikondi
Ngati mnzanuyo sakutenga udindo pazolakwa zawo, muyenera kudziwa kuti akusewera khadi lozunzidwa. Izi zili pamwamba pa mndandanda wa njira zosokoneza maganizo. Nthawi zambiri, wonyenga amagwiritsa ntchito njira yobisala kuti apepese winayo. Ngati mkangano uliwonse umatha ndikupepesa, ndiye kuti muyenera kuwona ubale wofiira mbendera ndi.
Pamene wina amasewera khadi lozunzidwa, samatenga udindo pazochita zake koma nthawi zonse amauza ena za zolakwa zawo. Akhozanso kusinthasintha nthawi zonse kuti awoneke ngati wokhumudwa. Izi zithanso kukhala chifukwa cha kukhumudwa kwawo kapena kuda nkhawa ndi anthu, koma sizitanthauza kuti ndiwe amene ali ndi udindo pazochita zawo. M'malo mwake, mukhoza kuwathandiza kupeza chithandizo ndi kuwathandiza panthawi yonse yomwe akuchira.
Momwe mungadziwire:
Kavita anati: “Muyenera kusiyanitsa mfundo ndi zinthu zongoyerekezera zimene zikuchitika. Funsani zenizeni, funsani umboni, fufuzani zambiri ponena za iwo, onani mabwenzi awo, achibale awo, ndi achibale awo. Njira iyi kuchokera pamndandanda wamachitidwe osokoneza malingaliro imatha kudziwika kudzera muzowona ndi ziwerengero, chifukwa chake vulani magalasi ofufuza.
3. Gawani ndikugonjetsa
Kutengeka maganizo paubwenzi kungawonekerenso ngati mnzako akumangirira anzanu ndi abale anu kuti akuthandizeni kuthetsa mikangano yanu. M’banja, mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akhoza kutengera makolo anu ndi apongozi anu n’kumakusonyezani kuti ndinu munthu woipa. Kusokoneza maganizo kotereku m'banja kumapangitsa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kukhala wothandizana naye chifukwa nthawi zambiri amapeza abwenzi ndi achibale kuti achitire umboni m'malo mwawo, pogwiritsa ntchito kusokoneza maganizo kuti mumve ngati ndiwe vuto pachibwenzi.
Momwe mungadziwire:
Kavita unena’mba: “Ukamona’mba bakwenu ne banabenu bamuleka ne kwiya, banenanga bivule bitala pa muntu’wa kupita’ko ne bakwabo badi ku lundyo lwa muntu mukwabo, ivwanije’ko bidi bubinga bwa kupāna mu ñeni.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: 8 Zizindikiro Za Covert Narcissist Hoovering Ndi Momwe Mungayankhire
4. Kuchepetsa nkhawa zanu zomveka
Mukauza mnzanuyo kuti mukuvutika maganizo kapena mukukumana ndi nkhawa, amakutayani pokuuzani kuti mukuganiza mopambanitsa kapena kudandaula mopanda chifukwa. Ngati mnzanuyo akuchotsani mavuto anu m'malo modandaula, palibe kukayikira kuti mukulimbana ndi kusokoneza maganizo muukwati kapena ubale. Pamene machenjerero obisika otere akhazikitsidwa pa inu, ndiye kuti muyenera kudziyimira nokha!
Momwe mungadziwire:
Kavita unena’mba, “Shi usaka kwisamba nandi, bambutwile misoñanya yandi yonso, baloñanga bukomo bwa kwenda ku mfulo, bashilula kushilula ku bantu boba badi na lwitabijo, kadi badi na lwitabijo, badi na lwitabijo, ino i kitatyi kya kuyuka bivule.
“Ngati akugwiritsa ntchito machenjerero aliwonse pamndandanda wa njira zopulumutsira maganizo, ndiye perekani chigamulo, kambitsiranani, ndiyeno sankhani ndi kutuluka.” Zinthu zonsezi ndizo zofunika kwambiri, muyenera kutsimikizira kuti simukuvutika ndi njala ndi kumanidwa zosoŵa zanu zofunika paubwenzi.”
5. Kunyozeka/kuponderezedwa kumawerengedwa ngati imodzi mwa njira zosokoneza maganizo
Kusokoneza maganizo kwamtunduwu ndi pamene mnzanu wonyenga amagwiritsa ntchito kufooka kwanu ndi kusatetezeka kwanu ngati zida zolimbana nanu. Amakonda kuchita zimenezi monyengerera kuti akuseka kapena kunyodola. Mungaone kuti pamene mnzanuyo anena chinachake chimene inu mukuona kuti n’chopanda ulemu kapena mwamwano ndipo inuyo mutakumana nacho, iwo amayankha kuti “Ndinali kungoseka.”
Nthawi zonse kumbukirani kuti munthu amene amavutitsa anzawo amakhala ndi nkhawa chifukwa cha luso lawo komanso kudziona kuti ndi wofunika. Opezerera otere nthawi zonse amalunjika anthu omwe amawadziwa bwino chifukwa amadziwa zinsinsi za omwe akufunayo ndipo amatha kuzigwiritsa ntchito ngati njira zobisika zowasokoneza maganizo.
Momwe mungadziwire:
Kavita akuti: "Mvetsetsani kutsitsa ndi momwe kumasiyanirana ndi kudzudzula kolimbikitsa. Kugwiritsa ntchito njira zobisika zosokoneza malingaliro monga kuchititsa manyazi ndi kupezerera anzawo si njira yopititsira patsogolo ubale uliwonse. Ndiye ngati simukukambilana ndipo mukulimbana kuti mwachititsidwa manyazi ndikuvutitsidwa kuti muchite zomwe simukufuna kuchita, ndiye kuti palibe chomwe muyenera kulumikizana nacho. "
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 12 Zomwe Mukuyenda Pa Zigoba Za Mazira Mu Ubwenzi Wanu
6. Kuphulitsa mabomba kwachikondi kumakhala kusokoneza maganizo
Kuphulitsa kwachikondi ndi zina mwa njira zachikale zosokoneza chikondi zomwe zimatanthawuza munthu yemwe amawonetsa kupembedza kopitilira muyeso kumayambiriro kwa ubale, ngati chobisalira chifukwa cha zochita zawo zopusitsa. Imeneyi ndi njira yoti mnzako wopupuluma azikupangirani mafuta kuti musamachite zionetsero akamakunyengani m'njira zina. Amagwiritsa ntchito machenjerero obisika ngati awa kuti athe kuwongolera okondedwa awo.
Njira yabwino yofotokozera izi ndi gawo lochokera kwa ABWENZI pomwe Ross amawonekera ku ofesi ya Rachel ndi chakudya chamadzulo ndikutumiza maluwa, mphatso ndi anyamata ochepa kuti amuyimbire ndikumuyimbira nyimbo, kungomukumbutsa momwe amamukondera. Mukukumbukira? M'malo mwake, Ross anali kugwiritsa ntchito mndandanda wazinthu zosokoneza malingaliro kuti asunge Rachel pansi pake.
Kavita akufotokoza “Kukonda bomba ndi pamene mumadziwa pamene ubale wanu ukuyenda mofulumira kwambiri. Mukakumana ndi winawake, ndipo tsiku lotsatira, amanena kuti maganizo anu anawasunga usiku wonse, pa tsiku lachitatu, amati amakukondani, ndipo masabata awiri akudutsa, akufunsira ukwati, mkati mwa masabata atatu otsatira, mwakwatirana, ndiyeno, mukuwona munthu wosiyana kwambiri. Amasintha atangodziwa kuti ali ndi inu. Apa ndipamene kuphulitsa kwachikondi kumatha. ”
Momwe mungadziwire:
Kavita akuti, "Ngati muwona kuti kugwirizana kukuyenda mofulumira kwambiri, ikani mabuleki, dikirani kuti izi zitheke, musamavutitsidwe kunena kuti mumawakonda. Musalowe mumchitidwe woterewu wamaganizo muukwati kapena chiyanjano kuti musangalatse mnzanuyo. Muyenera kukhala osamala kuti mudziwe zomwe mukufuna, onani zizindikiro zofiira, fufuzani, choncho sankhani zomwe mukufuna kuchita pang'onopang'ono, samalani. tcheru.”
Kukhala mkhole wa kutengeka maganizo paubwenzi kapena m’banja kapena kukhala m’mikhalidwe yotero kungakhudze kwambiri kudzidziŵa kwanu. Izi zitha kupangitsa kuti mukhale ndi vuto lokhulupirirana nokha kapena wina aliyense wapafupi nanu. Tikukulangizani kuti mutenge nthawi yopumula kuti muganizire ndikuwunika, chithandizochi chikuthandizani kuti muyambenso kudzidalira ndikukupatsani kulimba mtima kuti mukhulupirirenso ena.
Mukayamba kulamulira moyo wanu, palibe amene angagwiritse ntchito njira zopusitsira chikondi kuti azikusokonezani muubwenzi kapena m'banja. Wopatsidwa chilolezo komanso wodziwa zambiri Therapists pa gulu la Bonobology zingakuthandizeni kutenga sitepe yanu yoyamba kuchira.
Zizindikiro 9 Zopanda Chifundo Mu Ubale Ndi Njira 6 Zothana nazo
Nkhani 10 Zosiyidwa Zobisika Pamaubwenzi Ndi Malangizo 5 Othana Nawo
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
