Emotional Intelligence Mu Ubale: Pangani Chikondi Chikhale Kwamuyaya

"Sipangakhale chidziwitso popanda kutengeka mtima. Titha kudziwa chowonadi, komabe mpaka titamva mphamvu yake, si yathu. Kuzindikira kwa ubongo kuyenera kuonjezedwa zochitika za moyo."
     - Enoch Arnold Bennet, wolemba (Wotchulidwa mu Goleman & Cherniss, 2001)

Nzeru zamalingaliro, zomwe zimadziwikanso kuti emotional quotient kapena EQ, ndikuvomereza ndikuwongolera malingaliro - athu komanso a ena. Kufunika kwa luntha lamalingaliro m'maubwenzi, motero, ndikofunikira, chifukwa malingaliro ndiye maziko omwe timapanga kulumikizana kwathu.

Kuti timvetse bwino za izi, tili ndi mlangizi wathu Sabatina N. Sangma lero. Ali ndi digiri ya masters mu Msc. Psychology (Psychological Counseling) ndi Diploma mu Transformational Psychotherapy (Regression Therapy) ndi Diploma mu Community Mental Health. Amaphunzitsidwanso njira zosiyanasiyana zochiritsira monga Play therapy ndi REBT. Ndi thandizo lake, tiyeni tiphunzire za luntha la maganizo ndi momwe lingathandizire maubwenzi.

Kufunika Kwanzeru Zam'maganizo

“Katswiri wa zamaganizo Daniel Goleman amatanthauzira luntha la maganizo monga ‘kutha kuzindikira, kumvetsetsa ndi kulamulira malingaliro athu komanso malingaliro a ena,’” akutero mlangizi Sabatina.

“Ndimakhulupirira kuti luntha la m’maganizo ndilo kutha kugwirizana ndi ife eni ndipo pamene timatha kugwirizana kwambiri ndi ife eni, m’pamenenso timatha kulimbana ndi malingaliro athu ndi ena m’njira yabwino koposa.” Popeza kuti nthaŵi zambiri anthu sadziwa mmene akumvera kapena mmene akumvera, amathetsa maubwenzi chifukwa chakuti satha kulankhula ndi anthu mwachifundo,” akuwonjezera Sabatina.

Malinga ndi kafukufuku wina, 37% ya kukhutira m'banja kumadziwikiratu chifukwa cha nzeru zamaganizo, kutanthauza kuti, kupeza ndi kuphunzira EQ ndikofunikira paubwenzi wachikondi/waukwati.

Sabatina akufotokoza kuti: “Mwa kukulitsa nzeru zathu zamaganizo, timatha kuzindikira mmene timadzionera tokha, n’cholinga choti tithe kuthana ndi mmene tikumvera mumtima mwathu.

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"Ndikofunikira kukulitsa luntha lathu lamalingaliro chifukwa maanja omwe ali ndi malingaliro anzeru amatha kumvetsetsa bwino ubale wawo; amadziwa udindo wawo ndi umunthu wawo monga okwatirana komanso zomwe zimayambitsa kusamvana paubwenzi. Zimatipangitsa kuzindikira za kusintha kwa ife eni kapena mwa ena. Anthu amatha kulimbikitsa bata ndi mgwirizano pogwiritsa ntchito nzeru zamaganizo mu maubwenzi," Sabatina akufotokoza.

"Anthu opanda nzeru zamaganizo muubwenzi wawo sadziwa kawirikawiri choti anene kapena choti asanene. Anganene zinthu zosaganizira ena mosadziwa, zomwe zingakhumudwitse mnzawoyo. Komanso, ngati palibe nzeru zamaganizo, okwatirana amangokhalira kudzudzulana nthawi iliyonse pamene chinachake chalakwika."

“Komanso, ngati m’chibwenzi mulibe nzeru zamaganizo, wina angakupeze kukhala kovuta kuzindikira mmene mnzakeyo akumvera, kufotokoza kapena kulemekeza zosoŵa za m’maganizo. Ndipo zimenezi zingayambitse mavuto m’chibwenzicho.

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Mitundu 5 Yanzeru Zam'maganizo

Nzeru zamalingaliro zitha kugawidwa m'magulu asanu. Izi zitha kutchedwanso zigawo za nzeru zamaganizidwe ndipo zimagawidwa motere:

1. Kudzizindikira

"Mfundo yoyamba ya nzeru zamaganizo ndi kudzidziwa bwino - tiyenera kudziwa momwe timachitira ndi zochitika ndi momwe timachitira nazo," akutero Sabatina. "Kukhala ndi chidziwitso chochepa kumabweretsa zosokoneza, mikangano ndi zolakwika polankhulana . Mwachitsanzo, kuti tidziyesere kudzidziwa bwino, tingadzifunse kuti 'Kodi ndikulankhulana bwino ndi mnzanga?' Tiyenera kumvetsetsa bwino zochitika komanso kuthekera kokambirana nkhani zomwe zingathandize kuti ubale wathu ukhale wabwino."

2. Kudziletsa

Kudziletsa kumatithandiza kumvetsa maganizo athu komanso zotsatira za zochita zathu. Kumatithandiza kumvetsa mmene thupi lathu limachitira ndi kukhudzidwa mtima. Ngati munthu atha kulamulira maganizo awo kumalimbikitsa kuganiza bwino,” akufotokoza motero Sabatina.

3. Kulimbikitsa

Ubale wokhala ndi nzeru zapamwamba zamaganizo umalimbikitsidwa, osati ndi zinthu zakunja, koma ndi miyezo ndi zolinga zamkati. Mwachitsanzo, m'dziko labizinesi, chilimbikitso chamkatichi chingakhale kukhala ndi zolinga zanu komanso zizindikiro zazikulu zantchito.

Mofananamo, mukamachita zinthu mwanzeru muubwenzi, simukukhudzidwa kwambiri ndi momwe anthu amakuonerani ngati banja ndipo mumapanga 'zolinga zanu za awiri' malinga ndi umunthu wanu komanso mtundu wa ubale womwe mukufuna.

4. Kumvera ena chisoni

Sabatina anati: “Kumvera ena chisoni ndi chinthu chofunika kwambiri pothandiza mnzanuyo.” Chisoni chimangotanthauza kumvetsa zimene munthu wina akufuna komanso zimene akufuna, ndiponso kumuyamikira chifukwa cha mmene iyeyo alili.

5. Maluso a anthu

Popeza tikukamba za momwe mumayankhira anthu, luso la chikhalidwe cha anthu ndi chimodzi mwa zigawo zazikulu za nzeru zamaganizo. Apanso, izi zimakonda kugwiritsidwa ntchito pazochitika zamagulu ndi zamalonda, koma ndizofunikira kwambiri paubwenzi wozama kwambiri.

Makhalidwe osavuta monga kuyang'anana maso ndi maso, kuzindikira luso la mnzanu pa nkhani ya kucheza ndi anthu, kapena nkhawa pa nkhani ya kucheza ndi anthu , kumvetsera mwachidwi komanso kulankhula ndi thupi, zonsezi ndi zinthu zofunika kwambiri pankhani yogwiritsa ntchito nzeru za munthu paubwenzi.

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Tsopano popeza tafotokoza zanzeru zamalingaliro zomwe anthu angawonetse, zitha kukhala zothandiza kumvetsetsa momwe munthu angadziwire luntha lamalingaliro mwa mnzanu. Kodi mnzanuyo ali ndi nzeru zamaganizo kapena ayi? Kodi inu nonse muli panjira yoyenera pankhani ya ubalewu? Kodi pali china chake chomwe muyenera kuchiganizira?

Nazi mfundo zingapo zomwe muyenera kukumbukira pamene mukuyesera kudziwa nzeru zamaganizo mwa mnzanuyo. Izi zikamaliza, simuyenera kudzivutitsa nokha ndi mafunso omwe ali pamwambawa kwambiri. Koma ngati satero, ganizirani gawo lotsatira la nkhaniyi kuti likutsogolereni.

Kuti mudziwe nzeru zamaganizo mwa mnzanu, ganizirani izi:

• Amakhala ndi zolakwa zawo: Pamene wina asunga zolakwa zawo mosavuta m'malo modzudzula ndi kukulitsa mikangano, zikutanthauza kuti akudziwa. Uwu ndi khalidwe labwino kwambiri kukhala nalo mwa munthu ndipo ndi chizindikiro cha nzeru zamaganizo
• Iwo samamatira: Kukhala wokongola, kukutumizirani mameseji okoma ndikukupanikizani ndi zonse mitundu ya kupsopsona Ndi zinthu zabwino kuchita muubwenzi ndipo sizizindikiro zokakamira. Koma ngati akupitirizabe kukwiya ngati simuyankha mafoni awo mukakhala kuntchito kapena amakonda kumenyana ngati mwasiya zolinga zanu, mukhoza kukhala ndi mnzanu wodalirika. Ngati izi sizikumveka ngati bwenzi lanu kapena bwenzi lanu, mnzanuyo ndi wanzeru kwambiri
• Amayikira malire abwino: Mu maubwenzi onse, kaya ndi abwenzi, achibale kapena exes, munthu amene ali ndi maganizo anzeru nthawi zonse amaika malire abwino mu chiyanjano. Salola anthu kunyalanyaza malingaliro awo kapena kutengeka mosavuta
• Saganiza mopambanitsa ndi kukhazikika pa zinthu: Munthu wanzeru amamva chisoni ndi kupwetekedwa mtima mofanana ndi mmene ife timachitira. Koma iwo amakonda kukhala okhoza kusuntha kuchokera ku zinthu zabwinoko. Amakhala ndi nthawi ya moping, koma nthawi zambiri amalumphira mmbuyo mwachangu ndikuyamba kuyang'ana zinthu zina

Malangizo Omanga Nzeru Zamalingaliro Pamaubwenzi

Sabatina anati: “Nzeru zamaganizo tingazipeze pa nthawi iliyonse ya moyo.” Kuphunzira kwamtundu uliwonse kumafuna luntha, choncho tiyenera kudziŵa mbali ya luntha la maganizo limene tiyenera kuyesetsapo.

Kukulitsa luntha la malingaliro muubwenzi kumafuna kuleza mtima ndi nthawi - EQ ndi luso lomwe muyenera kuyesetsa pamene inu ndi malingaliro anu akusintha ndikukula. Ngakhale zingamveke ngati zachilendo, maubwenzi abwino ndi omwe okwatirana amatengapo mbali kuti agwirizane ndi wina ndi mnzake ndikuyesetsa kudzisamalira okha.

Taphatikiza maupangiri ogwirira ntchito ndi luntha lamalingaliro, ndi njira zing'onozing'ono koma zofunika zomwe mungachite kuti mukhale ndi nzeru zamaubwenzi.

1. Vomerezani zonse zomwe muli nazo pa wokondedwa wanu

Inde, tikudziwa kuti The Beatles adatiuza kuti chikondi ndi chomwe mukufuna, ndipo zowonadi, ndikofunikira kuti chikondi ndichomwe mumamva kwa wokondedwa wanu. Koma monga anthu amphamvu, ozama, malingaliro athu amasintha, amasintha ndikusintha.

Inde, mudzakhala ndi malingaliro osinthika mwadzidzidzi monga kunyansidwa, mkwiyo, mkwiyo, ndi zina zambiri kwa okondedwa anu, ndipo mwinamwake kudabwa nawo ndipo nthawi yomweyo yesetsani kuwakankhira pansi.

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Jenny anati: “Ndakhala ndi mnzanga Chris kwa zaka 7. "Tsopano, timakondana, koma pali zinthu zina zomwe zimatichititsa misala. Ndimadana kuti sakhala pa nthawi yake, ndimaona kuti ndizopanda ulemu. Akuganiza kuti sindimadandaula kwambiri ndi kusunga nthawi. Nthawi zina ndimadabwa ngati chikondi ndi chokwanira kugwirizanitsa miyoyo yathu, ndipo zoona zake n'zakuti sichoncho. Tinayenera kukhala pansi ndi kuvomereza kuti tonsefe tili ndi malingaliro abwino. malinga ngati chikondi ndicho chisonkhezero.”

Ndi chowonadi chozama, koma sitikonda anthu omwe timawakonda, nthawi zonse. Pali malingaliro ena ambiri omwe timawamvera ndipo tikamakulitsa luntha mu maubwenzi, ndikofunikira kuti tiziwamvera onse.

2. Landirani kusintha kwa ubale wanu

Ndine woyipa ndi kusintha, ndipo zimanditengera nthawi kukonzekera ndi kuzolowera. Zikakhala zovuta kuzolowera kusintha kwa munthu payekha, kusintha kwa ubale wachikondi womwe umayenera kukhala wokhazikika, kungakhale kovuta.

Komabe, kukana kusintha muubwenzi, sikupindulitsa komanso n’koipa. Ubale umasintha malinga ndi msinkhu, mikhalidwe, malo, kusintha kwa ntchito, mavuto azaumoyo ndi zina zambiri. Kukhala ndi mwana kungathandize kusintha ukwati wanu , mwachitsanzo. Kapena chiyambi cha ubale wanu chingakhale chokhudza chikondi ndi ubale weniweni. Pamene mukupitiriza ulendo wanu limodzi, zinthu zina monga ubale wabwino, ubwenzi ndi mgwirizano zingakulowetseni m'malo.

M'malo mochita mantha mukangoona kusintha, lolani kuti zinthu ziyende. Kusintha kudzabwera ngati mukufuna kapena ayi, kotero chinthu chokha chomwe mungachilamulire apa ndi momwe mumayendera. Apa ndi pamene kugwira ntchito ndi nzeru zamaganizo mu maubwenzi kumabwera.

Kumbukiraninso, pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya luntha la malingaliro ndipo zomwe mumagwiritsa ntchito zimadalira komwe muli muubwenzi wanu. Luntha la malingaliro muukwati lidzawoneka mosiyana ndi luntha la malingaliro muubwenzi watsopano. Musakhale munthu wolamulira ; dalirani kusintha, ndipo mudzadabwa momwe zinthu zilili zosavuta.

3. Phunzirani kwa wina ndi mnzake

Sabatina akuwonetsa kuti kukulitsa luntha lamalingaliro mu maubwenzi kumadalira kwambiri kupereka ndi kulandira. Kugawana zomwe mwakumana nazo komanso chidziwitso chamalingaliro kumapanga ubale wabwino, wamalingaliro.

Ubale uliwonse wokhala ndi nzeru zapamwamba umaphatikizapo kudziwa kuti mnzanuyo ali ndi zigawo zanzeru zomwe simungakhale nazo, mosemphanitsa. Mwachitsanzo, mwina ndinu omvera bwino, koma amatha kuwongolera momwe akumvera.

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Jason anati: “Mnzanga amasamala zimene amanena, ndipo amayesetsa kupewa kulankhula mawu oipa ngakhale titamenyana. "Komabe, iye si munthu wachifundo kwambiri ndipo sangathe kudziyika yekha mu nsapato zanga. Ine ndikutsutsana nazo - ndimamvetsa kumene akuchokera, koma ndine wokwiya kwambiri, choncho sindisamala zomwe ndikunena."

Jason ndi mnzake akudziŵa kuti ali ndi zambiri zoti aphunzire kwa wina ndi mnzake, ndipo amayesa kutengera mphamvu za wina ndi mnzake popanda kugwera m’dzenje la kusadzidalira. Mu mzimu wanzeru zakuya, amayesanso ndikuwonetsetsa kuti kuphunzira kuchokera kwa wina ndi mnzake sikusandulika kusokoneza mphamvu zamalingaliro.

Kufunika kwa luntha lamalingaliro mu maubwenzi kuyenera kutsindika ndi zochita, ndipo kuphunzira kuchokera kwa wina ndi mzake ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri zomwe mungachite.

4. Pochita mantha vomereza; mukakayikira, funsani

Kuona mtima ndi mbali ina yofunika ya nzeru zamaganizo. Vomerezani pamene mukuwopa chinachake, ndipo khalani owona mtima pamene simukutsimikiza za zinthu. Sipadzakhalanso chikondi chopanda mantha ndi kukayikakayika, ndipo muyenera kutha kufotokoza zakukhosi konseku moyenera.

Kumbukirani, kuti kufunsa mukakayikira kumagwiranso ntchito pakuvomera. Ndipo chilolezo chimafunika paliponse, osati m'chipinda chogona. Ngati mukuganiza kuti kudutsa desiki mnzanu akuphwanya zinsinsi zawo, funsani musanatero, kapena dzifunseni ngati muyenera kuchita izo nkomwe.

Fotokozani zomwe mukuopa. Mwachitsanzo, ngati kuvulala kwa ubwana kapena kukhala ndi makolo oopsa kwakupatsani mantha osiyidwa, lankhulani ndi mnzanu za izi. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mungafunike chithandizo kuti muthetse mantha awa, lankhulani ndi mnzanu. Kaya ndi nzeru zamaganizo m'banja la zaka 15, kapena muubwenzi watsopano, kuona mtima sikungalephereke.

5. Phunzirani luso lowongolera mikangano

Sabatina akugogomezera kuti luntha lamalingaliro silikhala logwirizana nthawi zonse, koma kudziwa momwe mungayendetsere mikangano yomwe imapangitsa kukhalapo kwake kumva.

"Nzeru zamaganizo zimatanthauza kulankhulana mwa mikangano m'njira yomwe imapweteketsa mnzanuyo," akutero. Izi ndizovuta kuzidziwa chifukwa tonse timakonda kupsa mtima. Komabe, mawu amatha kusiya zipsera zokhalitsa, kotero kuti luntha lamalingaliro pang'ono limathandiza kwambiri kukumbukira zomwe mukunena.

Luso loyang'anira mikangano limapitilira maubwenzi. Ngakhale kusudzulana m'njira yoyipa kwambiri ndikusunga chikondi chamoyo ngakhale ubale wanu sunayende bwino, ndi imodzi mwamitundu yanzeru zamalingaliro.

Ganizirani zinthu zopweteka zomwe simuyenera kunena kwa mnzanu . Zinthu zomwe zimawayambitsa kapena zomwe zingakukumbutseni zomwe zidachitika kale. Kenako, onetsetsani kuti simukutchula mawu amenewo ngakhale mutakangana kwambiri. Komanso, mukakangana kwambiri, onetsetsani kuti mwakhululukirana pamene mukusunga malire oyenera.

6. Khalani bwenzi la wokondedwa wanu

Ndine wabwino kwambiri kwa anzanga kuposa momwe ndimachitira ndi zibwenzi. Ndimagawana nawo ubale wozama wamalingaliro, koma ndimawawonanso ngati anthu ovuta omwe amalakwitsa, ndimawapatsa mwayi wokayika, ndipo ndimawayitanira mofatsa ndikaganiza kuti ndikofunikira.

Chikondi chachikondi nthawi zambiri chimawonedwa ngati gawo lalikulu la chikondi chonse, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti timakhala ndi ziyembekezo zambiri kwa okondedwa athu ndipo timakhumudwitsidwa pamene zinthu sizili bwino momwe timayembekezera. Chodabwitsa n'chakuti, timachedwanso kuwunikira pamene ali ndi mavuto.

Ndibwino kukhala ndi miyezo yapamwamba kwa okondedwa anu. Koma tisaiwale kuti iwo ndi anthu ndipo adzasokoneza ndipo mwina sangakhale ndi miyezo yanu nthawi zonse. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, musawaike pazitsulo ndikuyesa kuti sadzachita cholakwika chilichonse. Ndife okonzeka kulola kuti izi zichepe ngati okondedwa athu akukondana kapena osakomera mtima.

Kukhala bwenzi la okondedwa wanu kumatanthauzanso kuwamva, kuwagulira chakumwa ngati adakhala ndi tsiku loipa ndipo nthawi zina kumawauza kuti tsitsi lawo likuwoneka bwino, ngakhale mutadana nalo. Ubwenzi ndi wopatulika ngati chikondi, ngati sichoncho, choncho tisataye.

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7. Khalani osamala ndi ochita mwadala

"Kulingalira kumatithandiza kukhala odekha ndi kutithandiza kuika maganizo athu, kutipangitsa kukhala ozindikira kwambiri pazochitikazo. Ndichizoloŵezi chomwe mumaika maganizo anu pa nthawi yomwe muli nayo, m'malo molola kuti zakale zikulamulireni zochita zanu," akutero Sabatina.

Ndi bwino kuganiza kuti chikondi ndi chinachake chimene 'chimangochitika' kwa ife, ndipo chikachitika, zonse zidzatheka mwachinsinsi. Tsoka ilo, ngakhale pali matsenga omwe akukhudzidwa, zimatengeranso ntchito, ndi cholinga.

Mukakhala osamala komanso oganizira bwino za ubale wanu, mumakhala odziwa zomwe zikuyenda bwino ndi zomwe sizikuyenda bwino. Ndipo, mudzachitapo kanthu kuti mukonze, m'malo moyembekezera kuti chilengedwe chikuchitireni. Imeneyo ndi gawo lalikulu la kugwira ntchito ndi luntha la malingaliro - kuchitadi ntchitoyo. Kusamala muubwenzi ndi njira yabwino yochitira izi.

“Nzeru za m’maganizo si za kukhala wabwino, koma zonse zimadalira kulamulira maganizo athu kuti tipeze zotulukapo zabwino koposa.” Pamene tigwira ntchito ndi nzeru zamaganizo, timatha kutenga nawo mbali mokangalika m’mayankhulidwe a anthu ndi kufotokoza zakukhosi kwathu m’njira yovomerezeka ndi anthu,” Sabatina anamaliza motero.

Ibibazo

11 Makhalidwe A Ubale Amene Ayenera Kukhala Nawo Kuti Ukhale Wosangalala

Malangizo 10 Kwa Maanja Ongokwatirana kumene Kuti Ubale Wawo Ulimbike

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.