Kodi kusinthana mlandu kwakhala gawo lokhazikika la moyo wanu, kupangitsa njira yake muzokambirana ndi mikangano iliyonse? "Sindikanakunyengerani ngati simunandivutitse kwambiri!" "Ndingasiya kukwiya ngati mutasiya kukwiya ndi chilichonse." "Sindikanachita izi mukadapanda kuchita izi."
Kodi mawu awa akubwerezedwa mosalekeza muubwenzi wanu? Kodi mumaona ngati kaya mukuchita chiyani, chinachake chimasoweka nthawi zonse, ndipo ndinu nokha amene mukulakwa? Ngati yankho la mafunso amenewa ndi lakuti inde, ndiye kuti muli ndi vuto losinthana muukwati. Kuimbidwa mlandu pachilichonse muubwenzi nthawi zambiri kumakhala njira yolamulira mnzanu ndipo kungayambitse kusokonezeka kwamalingaliro muubwenzi. Nkhanza zamaganizo ndi kusinthana mlandu kumayendera limodzi.
Achipatala Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), yemwe amaphunzira kwambiri za uphungu wa mabanja ndi mabanja, amatipatsa tsatanetsatane wa zomwe zimatanthawuza kusinthana kwa zolakwa, zitsanzo zosinthana zolakwa, magwero ake, ndi momwe tingathanirane ndi kusunthidwa kolakwa pa zonse.
Kodi Kusintha kwa Mlandu N'kutani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Gopa limati, “Mu psychology, tili ndi lingaliro lotchedwa ‘locus of control’. M’moyo, tingathe kusankha kukhala ndi malo amkati olamulira kapena malo akunja olamulira.
Ananenanso kuti, "Munthu amene asankha kukhala ndi malo olamulira sangasuze mlandu kapena kuchititsa anthu ena kukhala ndi udindo pazochita zawo." Munthu yemwe ali ndi malo olamulira, komabe, amasankha kudzudzula okondedwa ake chifukwa cha kusasangalala ndi kulephera kwawo. kubwerera m'mbuyo kuti zithandize kuthetsa ubale."
Ozunza omwe ali mumasewera osinthana mlandu samatengera zochita zawo. Nthawi zambiri amakhala wosakhwima m'malingaliro, alibe nzeru zamaganizo, ndipo amasonyeza khalidwe lothawa. Chilichonse chomwe chingachitike, iwo amakhala ozunzidwa nthawi zonse, ndipo nthawi zonse ndi vuto la wina. Izi zonse ndi zitsanzo zosintha zolakwa.
Kuchuluka kwa shuga m'magazi kumatha kubweretsa kukhumudwa, kukhumudwa komanso kukhumudwa. Ndizosautsa kwambiri kuwona kuti ozunzidwa ndi masewera olakwawa akuyamba kukhulupirira zoneneza za ozunzawo, ndikuyikanso khama lopanda phindu kuti ubalewo ukhale wabwino. Ndipo izi, zimamulimbikitsanso wozunzayo kwambiri.
Psychology Pambuyo Pamlandu-Kusuntha
Kaŵirikaŵiri, khalidwe losintha maganizo limabwera chifukwa chodziona kuti ndiwe wolephera. Nthawi zambiri, anthu akamadziona ngati osakwanira kwa anzawo ofunikira, amamva kuti sangathe, sangathe, kapena alibe udindo.
M’malo mozindikira zimenezi ndi kubweretsa kusintha m’makhalidwe awo, amayamba kuimba anzawo mlandu pa chilichonse chimene chikulakwika m’moyo wawo. Izi zitha kuwonedwa ngati kuyesa kuti adzimve bwino, kapena kusokoneza chidaliro cha okondedwa awo.
"Kusintha kwamphamvu kwambiri maubwenzi ankhanza ndizofala kwambiri”, akutero Gopa, ndikuwonjezera kuti, “Ogwiritsa nkhanza amakula chifukwa cha mphamvu ndi kuwongolera, zomwe zimawathandiza kusokoneza okondedwa awo ndipo motero, zimakhala zosavuta kuti aziimba mlandu. Anthuwa ali ndi malo akunja olamulira ndipo amakana kutenga udindo pa makhalidwe ndi zochita zawo. M’chenicheni, iwo kaŵirikaŵiri amatheketsedwa ndi ziŵalo za banja lawo, chotero khalidwelo limapitirizabe kuwononga unansi ndi malo abanja.
“Mkazi wanga wofuna chithandizo paubwenzi woteroyo anaimbidwa mlandu chifukwa cha ntchito yosagwira ntchito ya mwamuna wake ndipo apongozi ake anali othekera kuchonderera mkaziyo kuti kaŵirikaŵiri amukhululukire kapena “kupepesa kuti asungitse mtendere wa m’banja.” Chotero, mkazi nayenso anakhala wokhoza. Kusintha kwa mlandu m’banja kulidi chenicheni, ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri, akazi amayembekezeredwa kukhala chete mosasamala kanthu za kuchitiridwa nkhanza, kungosunga mtendere. Choipa kwambiri, nthawi zambiri amatha kudziimba mlandu chifukwa cha zomwe akuganiza komanso zolakwa zomwe zikubwera.
Mizu ya kusuntha kwa liwongo ingalondoledwe kubwerera ku ubwana wa wankhanzayo. Kukulira m’malo osagwirizana ndi mikangano yosatha kungachititse munthu kudzikayikira, ndipo wochitira nkhanzayo pamapeto pake amaimba mlandu aliyense pa chilichonse. Ndi mtundu wa njira zothanirana ndi vuto lomwe nthawi zambiri limapangidwa ali achichepere ndipo wochitira nkhanzayo mwina sakuchita mwadala.
Njira 8 Zosintha Zolakwika Zimakhudza Ubale Wanu
Psychology yosalekeza yosinthana mlandu ingawononge kwambiri ubale wachikondi. Zingayambitse ndewu, kudziona kuti ndi wosafunika, ngakhalenso kukhumudwa komwe kungawononge ubale. Mumagwidwa mumchitidwe woipa wa kuzunzidwa m'maganizo pamene mukukhala ndi mlandu pa chirichonse mu chiyanjano. Ngati mungazindikire zizindikiro zilizonse zomwe zili pansipa, ndiye nthawi yoti muyambe kulamulira ndikubwezeretsa mphamvu zanu. Tiyeni timvetsetse psychology yosintha maganizo pophunzira momwe tingathanirane ndi kusintha kwa zolakwa. Werengani!
1. Mukutsimikiza kuti chilichonse ndi cholakwa chanu
Masewera olakwa a mnzanuyo ndi amphamvu kwambiri kotero kuti mukutsimikiza kuti chilichonse chomwe sichikuyenda bwino m'moyo wanu kapena moyo wawo ndi vuto lanu. Mumadziona kuti ndinu opanda mphamvu kuposa kale. Kulimbikira komwe mudakhala nako kuti zinthu ziyende bwino muubwenzi wanu kwacheperachepera ndipo mumadziimba mlandu chifukwa chopanga 'zolakwa' zambiri ndikusakonza.
"Kuti muwonetsetse kuti munthu sakuchitapo kanthu pakusinthana mlandu, kaya ndinu wolakwira kapena wozunzidwa, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa ngati mukukumbatira malo olamulira amkati kapena akunja ndikuyamba kugwira ntchito," akutero Gopa. “Wozunza atha kusankha kusintha khalidwe lake ndikuphunzira kuyankha pa zochita zake.” Munthu amene wamuchitira nkhanzayo akhoza kusankhanso kupatsidwa mphamvu ndi kusankha kuti asakhale ndi udindo pa khalidwe kapena zochita za wozunzayo.
“Munthu akasankha kusiya kukhala wochitiridwa nkhanza, amatha kupanga zisankho zamphamvu.Iyi ndi njira imodzi yoyankhira munthu akamamuimba mlandu.” Nthawi zambiri, wochitira nkhanza sangasinthe khalidwe lake ndipo kenako wochitiridwa nkhanzayo ayenera kusiya khalidwe loipalo n’kuchitapo kanthu kuti asasunthe. malire a ubale kapena kuchoka muubwenzi.”
Mwa kuyankhula kwina, konzekerani ulemu wanu ndikuwonetsetsa kuti ulemu wanu usatayike. Osaika ubale wanu pamwamba pa mtendere wamumtima ndi kudzidalira kwanu. Kumapeto kwa tsiku, thanzi lanu labwino ndi thanzi lanu ndizofunikira kwambiri kuposa ubale wanu ndi munthu uyu. Pangani malo abwino kwa inu pachibwenzi ndipo ngati sizingatheke, bweretsani kumapeto.
2. Mukuopa kupanga zisankho zilizonse
Mumaopa nthawi zonse kuti sitepe iliyonse yomwe mungatenge idzawoneka ngati cholakwika china ndi mnzanuyo. Pachifukwa chomwechi, mumadzipeza kuti simungathenso kupanga zosankha. Zosankhazi zitha kukhala zazing'ono ngati kugula chinthu chatsopano kapenanso kuyankhulana vuto ndi mnzanu. Kutsimikizika kwakuti mukuimbidwa mlandu pachinthu chilichonse kwakupatsani mantha, kutopa, komanso nthawi zina zoopsa, kuchita mantha.
Nthawi zambiri, mumadzipeza kuti ndinu wopanda pake, osachita kalikonse, kuti mupewe zochitika zina zankhanza. Izi ndichifukwa choti chidaliro chanu chatsika kwambiri kotero kuti mumalephera kupanga zisankho zosavuta kapena kuchita zinthu zosavuta. Izi zitha kuwonetsanso m'moyo wanu wantchito pakapita nthawi.
“Munthu amene ali paubwenzi wotere amataya chidaliro chopanga zisankho ndipo amangokhalira kukayikira chilichonse.” Ndiye n’kothandiza kuti munthuyo azisunga magazini n’kulemba maganizo ake, mmene akumvera komanso zimene zinachitikazo.
Iye akuwonjezera kuti, “Komanso, zimathandiza kulemba zabwino ndi zoipa pamene mukupanga zosankha. Kuchuluka koipa, m’pamenenso mumazindikira bwino lomwe chosankha chochita m’chibwenzi.
Mwa kulemba ndi kukonza zonse, mumadzilola nokha kupanga zisankho zabwinoko. Malingaliro anu onse akakhala papepala, zimakhala zosavuta kuganiza bwino ndikukonza zinthu. Yesetsani kuti musalole malingaliro anu onse osasunthika kukhalabe mkati mwaubongo wanu ndikuwalemba kuti muwasinthe mwadongosolo.
3. Kusiyana kwa kulumikizana ndikokulirapo kuposa kale
Ubale wabwino umapereka malo otetezeka kuti munthu athe kugawana nawo kusatetezeka kwawo ndikukambirana bwino zamavuto omwe ali muubwenzi wawo. Komabe, kwa inu, kuyesa kukambirana nkhani za ubale wanu mwachindunji kumabweretsa masanzi apakamwa a momwe zonse ziliri vuto lanu komanso momwe mukadapanda kuchitapo kanthu, mnzanuyo sakanakhala ndi khalidwe loipa.
Mumayidziwa bwino nkhani yosinthira milandu, ndipo chifukwa chake, mwasiya kufotokozera mavuto anu kwa okondedwa anu. Kusiyana kwa kulumikizana kukukulirakulira, koma palibe chomwe mungachite kuti musinthe chifukwa mudzangoimbidwa mlandu wochulukirapo.
"Mavuto olankhulana zimachitika pamene munthu wina akuwopa kufotokoza maganizo awo kapena chisankho pamene akuopa kunyozedwa kapena kunyozedwa. Mnzakeyo sangafune kugwedeza bwato kapena kuyambitsa mkangano motero, amakonda kukhala chete ndikumenyedwa kuti agonjetse," akufotokoza Gopa.
Ananenanso kuti, “Njira yabwino kwambiri ngati ili ngati kugwiritsa ntchito mawu akuti ‘Ine’, monga akuti “Ndimamva kuwawa mukandikhumudwitsa kapena kusankha kusaganizira malingaliro anga.” Mawu akuti ‘I’ amatanthauza kudzilamulira, ndipo kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanu kumathandiza kuti munthuyo akhale wamphamvu. kuyankha pakusintha kwa mlandu."
Mwa kuyankhula kwina, pogwiritsa ntchito mawu okhudza inu ndi malingaliro anu, mumatengera mkhalidwewo m'manja mwanu ndipo mumatha kuthana nawo bwino. Popewa mawu akuti 'inu', simulola kuti mnzanuyo azikuimbani mlandu ndikusokoneza malingaliro anu. Izi zimathandiza pakulankhulana kwachindunji komwe kumakhala kovuta kupewa.
4. Mumakwiyira wokondedwa wanu
Palibe malo a ulemu mu ubale wanu. Umapewa kupita kunyumba kapena kulankhula ndi mnzanu. Ngati mukumva kupsa mtima nthawi zonse mukaganizira za wokondedwa wanu, ndi umboni kuti kusinthana mlandu kwakhudza ubale wanu ndipo mukumanga. kukhumudwa mu chiyanjano kwa ena anu ofunika.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungasungire Ubale?
Kukwiyitsidwa, mantha, kutopa, ndi zina zotere ndizizindikiro zosonyeza kuti mukukwiyira wokondedwa wanu ndipo moyenerera. Palibe amene angaimbe mlandu mosalekeza ndi kukhala wozunzidwa nthawi zonse. Sikuti chilichonse chingakhale cholakwa chanu. Mumazindikira kuti mukuimbidwa mlandu mopanda chifukwa chifukwa cha mkwiyo wa mnzanuyo ndipo lingaliro lokhala naye limakupangitsani kukhala wowawa. Izi zikutanthawuzanso kuti ubale wanu ukulowera ku kusokonekera. Kusinthana kwa mlandu m'banja kumasokoneza mgwirizano wa banja, ndipo kungakhudzenso mamembala ena a m'banjamo.
5. Ubwenzi ndi lingaliro lotayika mu ubale wanu
Kodi mukumva kufunika kokhala wapamtima, koma simukufuna kukhala paubwenzi ndi bwenzi lanu? Ngati inde, chimenecho ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu kuti kusunthitsa mlandu kwa wogwiririrayo kumakhudza ubale wanu m'njira yomwe singasinthidwe. Pamene mukuchita ndi cheaters ndi mlandu kusuntha mu ubale wanu, izi ziyenera kuchitika nthawi ina.
Ndithudi simungafune kukhala paubwenzi ndi munthu amene nthaŵi zonse amakuimbani mlandu pa chilichonse. Mumatalikirana ndi bwenzi lanu ndikupewa kulowa kuchipinda komwe alimo. Simudziwanso kukhala pachibwenzi ndi bwenzi lanu, chifukwa kusuntha molakwika pabedi lingakhale vuto lanu. Dzipulumutseni ku ukwati wopanda chikondi wochitira nkhanza wopalamula asanawononge moyo wanu.
“Pamene munthu akuona kuti akufuna kukhala naye pachibwenzi, chinthu choyamba chimene ayenera kuchita ndicho kuthupi.” Mabanja akandiuza kuti mbali yaubwenzi wawo ilibe kapena kuti sakugwirizana m’maganizo ndi okondedwa awo, zimasonyeza kuti chibwenzicho chikuwonongeka. kusowa ubwenzi zipitilira," akutero Gopa.
6. Mumamva kuti mwaphimbidwa
Kukhala ndi bwenzi lochita nkhanza kumatanthauza kuti simungawamasulire. Izi zimakupangitsani kuwabisira zinthu nthawi iliyonse ya moyo wanu. Ndipo pamene muyamba bottling up maganizo anu, kumverera kwasokonekera mkati. Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zosintha zitsanzo mu maubwenzi ndi mnzanuyo kukupangitsani inu kudzimva wolakwa pa chirichonse, zomwe zimakupangitsani inu kudzisungira nokha zonse ndi kuvutika mwakachetechete.
Kudziona kwa munthu wina kumawalepheretsa kuvomereza zolakwa zawo zonse ndipo nthawi zonse zimawapangitsa kuti achotse mlandu kwa iwo eni. Pongonyalanyaza nkhani zawo zilizonse, amakupusitsani ndikukukakamizani kuti musiye kufotokoza nkhani zanu poyamba. Pamapeto pa tsiku, muyenera kukhala ndi maganizo abwino komanso mtendere wamumtima. Ndipo kuti mukwaniritse izi, mumasiya kulimbana ndi mnzanuyo.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Banja lachipambano silifunikira chikondi chosakhalitsa, koma ulemu wokhalitsa
Izi zimapanga mikangano ingapo muubwenzi wanu komanso zimakhudzanso thanzi lanu lamalingaliro. Mukusiyanso kugawana malingaliro anu onse ndi okondedwa anu. Zonsezi zimatha kuyambitsa mikangano ikuluikulu kapena ndewu zomwe zingapangitse ubalewo kutha. Choncho, ndi bwino kukambirana momasuka za izo ndi kuyesa kukonza. Ndipo ngati izi sizikugwira ntchito, muyenera kuyesa kupeza chithandizo chakunja. Zingaphatikizepo achibale anu, anzanu, kapena aphungu, aliyense amene angakuthandizeni kuthetsa mikangano yanu komanso amene nonse mungamvetsere.
7. Pali mikangano yokhazikika
Chifukwa kusunthika kwa mlandu sikubweretsa zisankho zilizonse kapena zokambirana zabwino, zomwe zimachita ndikuchedwetsa kusamvana kapena kusagwirizana. Kumenyana komweko kumachitika mobwerezabwereza ndipo chiyanjano chimasanduka chowawa komanso chakupha. Izi zimakulitsa kusiyana kwa kulumikizana ndi okondedwa wanu ndikubweretsa mkwiyo muubwenzi wanu. Izi zitha kukupangitsani kusiya chilichonse ndikusungulumwa.
Kulakwa kukayikidwa pambali ndi kusunthidwa kwa mlandu m'malo mokonzedwa, kumapangitsa kuti asachite. Izi sizimalola kuti ubale wanu ukule ndikulepheretsanso kukula kwa mnzanuyo. Kusamvana kwanthawi zonse ndi chimodzi mwazitsanzo zazikulu zosinthira zolakwika ndipo zimatha kubweretsa kuwonongeka kwa thanzi lanu.
“Nthawi zonse, maubwenzi oterowo amafika panjira.Ndi bwino kufunsira uphungu kwa munthu kapena mwamuna ndi mkazi, chifukwa kukwiyitsana ndi kunyozana ndi zinthu zofunika kwambiri zimene zingawononge ubwenzi wawo.Ngati mukusunga chakukhosi nthawi zonse ndi kupitiriza, ndi bwino kuthetsa ndi kuthetsa mavuto,” akulangiza motero Gopa.
8. Umayamba kuvomereza khalidwe lachipongwe
Izi nthawi zambiri zimachitika pambuyo pake paubwenzi, ndipo zimatha kukhala onyenga komanso kusinthana mlandu. Izi zimachitika pambuyo pa kusintha kwa chikhalidwe chofanana chomwe mumavomereza pakapita nthawi. Mwa kupeputsa ulemu wanu ndi kudzilemekeza mobwerezabwereza, mnzanuyo amayamba kuchoka ndi maganizo awo osintha maganizo, ngakhale pamene sanakhale okhulupirika kwa inu. Pamene mutaya chikhulupiriro chochulukirachulukira pakapita nthawi, kumakhala kosavuta kugwiritsa ntchito malingaliro anu molakwika komanso osakumana ndi zovuta zilizonse.
Pokhapokha poyang'anizana ndi khalidwe lawo losintha maganizo mungatsimikizire kuti izi sizikuchitikiraninso. Mwa kusunga zokambiranazi kwa nthawi ina, kapena kuyembekezera kuti zidzasintha pakapita nthawi, mumangolimbikitsa maganizo awo osintha maganizo. Amayamba kuganiza kuti akhoza kusiya khalidwe lawo lovuta nthawi zonse, choncho amabwerezabwereza.
Zachidziwikire, pali njira zomwe mungapangire kuti zinthu zikhale bwino muubwenzi wanu ndikupewa mbiri yosinthana mlandu, koma ngati wina wanu wofunikira sangathe kuzindikira zolakwa zawo ndipo mupitiliza kukhala chandamale chaukali wawo, chokani paubwenziwo.
Kusintha kwaukali ndi kuzunzidwa m'maganizo kumayandikirana, ndipo wozunza sangasinthe khalidwe lawo. Ubale wodzaza ndi masewera olakwa ndi ubale wopanda thanzi womwe muyenera kutulukamo nthawi yomweyo.
Kuchiza Chete Mu Ubale: Kodi Ndi Nkhanza Ndi Momwe Mungachitire
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
Ndimakonda kwambiri tsamba lino munthu nkhani zabwino zambiri zikomo