Kodi Mukuwopa Kukhala Paubwenzi? Zizindikiro ndi Malangizo Othana nawo

Wina sangayang'ane mnzanga, Ruth, ndikulingalira kuti akuwopa kukhala pachibwenzi. Chifukwa Rute ndi mtundu wa mtsikana amene ali moyo wa gulu lililonse. Sikuti ndi wokongola kokha, komanso amakhala wofunitsitsa komanso wabwino pa zomwe amachita. Ndi mtsikana yemwe mumapitako nthawi iliyonse yomwe mukufuna kukonzekera chochitika chachikulu. Amakopa anthu ambiri ndipo amafunsidwa pafupipafupi pamasiku.

Choncho atandiuza kuti mnansi wake woyandikana naye nyumba wamupempha kuti atuluke, ndinamuseka n’kumufunsa ngati anakumana ndi mabwenzi ake. Komabe, anandiyang’ana mwachisoni n’kunena kuti, “Ndimamukonda, koma ndikuchita mantha ndi chibwenzi. Apa m’pamene ndinazindikira kuti Ruth anali ndi nkhawa za pachibwenzi. Kuti ndimvetsetse momwe kuopa ubwenzi kumagwirira ntchito, ndidalumikizana ndi upangiri wazamisala, Aakhansha Varghese (MSc Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito zosiyanasiyana zaupangiri paubwenzi, kuyambira pachibwenzi ndi nkhani zogonana asanakwatirane mpaka kupatukana, nkhanza, kulekana, ndi kusudzulana. 

Kodi Ndi Bwino Kuopa Kukhala Paubwenzi?

Anthu nthawi zambiri amaganiza kuti gamophobia, kapena kuopa kudzipereka, ndikukhala ndi mapazi ozizira asanakhale okha. Koma ndizovuta pang'ono kuposa izo. Kuopa kudzipereka kungayambike chifukwa choopa chikondi kapena kuopa kukhala pachibwenzi. Nthawi zambiri amagwiritsidwa ntchito ngati mawu ambulera kutanthauza zosiyana mitundu ya chikondi phobias.

Aakhansha akuti, “Kuopa kukhala pachibwenzi sikumawopa ubwenzi nthawi zonse. Zimayamba chifukwa choopa kukhala pachiopsezo ndi munthu wina. Ndizochitika zofala kwambiri. 

Research zikusonyeza kuti mibadwo yamakono imakhala ndi mantha ogwa m’chikondi poyerekeza ndi mibadwo yakale. Aakhansha akupereka zifukwa zotsatirazi zosinthira:

• Kusokonezeka kwa ana: Ngati munthuyo anasoŵa ubwenzi wapamtima ndi makolo ake pamene anali kukula, zimenezi zingachititse kuti aziopa chikondi. Zitha kukhala zovuta kuzikumana nazo platonic kapena maubwenzi okondana. Munthuyo amayamba kukhulupirira kuti sayenera kukondedwa. Ichi ndichifukwa chake maubwenzi awo ambiri ndi osaya, ndipo amangoyang'ana pa kulandira chitsimikiziro chomwe sanachipeze ali mwana.
• Mbiri ya kuperekedwa: Kukhala wochitiridwa chigololo kungachititse munthu kusakhulupirira mnzawo wapano, chifukwa choopa kuperekedwanso.
• Kusiyana kwa chikhalidwe: N’zothekanso kuti munthuyo ali m’chikhalidwe chokhwimitsa zinthu kwambiri pankhani ya jenda makamaka pankhani ya ukwati. Pamenepa, gamophobia ingayambike chifukwa choopa kutsekeredwa m'malo okhwima komanso osafunikira
• Ndalama zambiri: Ubale ndi ndalama. Muyenera kuyika nthawi yanu, mphamvu zanu, ndi malingaliro anu mmenemo. Pankhani ya ukwati, malamulo a m’mayiko osiyanasiyana amafunanso kuti munthu asamalire mwamuna kapena mkazi wake ngati wasudzulana. Zimenezi zingapangitse kuti anthu asamalowe m’banja, ngakhale atakhala limodzi kwa zaka zambiri
• Nkhani zambiri: Athanso kukhala kuphatikiza kudziona ngati wosafunika, kusadzidalira, komanso zowawa zakale. Sikuti nthawi zonse kupwetekedwa mtima kumayenera kukhala kwa makolo, kungayambitsenso kulephera kwa maubwenzi achikondi m'zaka zawo zaunyamata.

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7 Zizindikiro Mukuchita Mantha Kukhala Pa Ubale

Popeza nthawi zambiri imatengedwa ngati "m'badwo watsopano", kuopa gamophobia sikumatengedwa mozama. Palibe aliyense wa ife amene akanayang’ana pa Rute n’kuona kuti mphepo yamkuntho inali m’kati mwake. Nthawi zambiri ankapezeka pakati pa gululo, akuseka komanso kuchita nthabwala. Chifukwa chake, palibe amene adaganizapo kuti amaopa kukhala pachibwenzi, koma ataulula, ndidayamba kuwona zizindikiro zakuopa kugwa m'chikondi. Nazi zina mwa izo:

1. Mumapewa kusonyeza umunthu wanu wamkati kwa wina aliyense

Kusapezeka m'malingaliro kumawoneka ngati kulephera kugawana malingaliro anu amkati, malingaliro anu, ndi zomwe zakuchitikirani. Koma zitha kudziwikanso ngati kulephera kumvera chisoni aliyense, kapena kudziteteza popanda kukwiyitsidwa. Izi ndizomwe zimachitika munthu akayenera kutero kuthana ndi nkhawa za ubale. Zolinga apa ndikuti ngati malingaliro ndi zida, monga izi kafukufuku akuwonetsa, ndiye pobisa malingaliro anu amkati, mukukaniza anthu njira zakupweteketsani.

• Simumagawana zambiri za ubwana wanu kapena moyo wanu
• Mumatetezedwa kwambiri pamalangizo owoneka ngati abwino. Izi zimachitika pamene anthu ena mosadziwa agunda pa zoyambitsa maganizo. Rute akanakhumudwa kwambiri ngati wina atamuuza kuti apumule. Iye amazitenga izo ngati chizindikiro cha kusakhoza kwake
• Simungathe kuwapatsa chithandizo chofunikira akakhumudwa. Koma akakwiyira iwe, umaona kuti si chilungamo

2. Mukufuna kudziwonetsera nokha wangwiro pamaso pa wokondedwa wanu, zomwe zimadzetsa nkhawa ndi nkhawa 

Pamene inu nthawi zonse nkhawa chidwi mnzanuyo pa inu, kumaonekera m'njira ziwiri. Kapena mumayesa kubisa nkhawa zanu kuti apitirize kukulemekezani. Kapena mumapita m'madzi, kuwasambitsa mwachidwi mpaka atapunthwa.

• Nthawi zonse mumakhala osamala, kuvala m'njira yomwe mumakhulupirira kuti angafune. Simungathe kumasuka nawo
• Mumakhazikika mwadala kwa mabwenzi olakwika. Lingaliro lachisankhochi ndikuti amva kukhutitsidwa ndi inu osapereka chidaliro chanu. Aakhansha akuti, "Zimapangitsa kuti pakhale zotsatira zowonongeka. Mumadziona kuti ndinu otsika, choncho mumasankha munthu amene amayembekezera zinthu zochepa. Koma simungathe kugwirizana nawo pamalingaliro amalingaliro, kotero kuti ubalewu umakhala waufupi.
• Mumapewa kulankhula zinthu zimene zingakukhumudwitseni, mpaka kufika pamlingo wopeŵa munthuyo kupeŵa kulankhula za nkhani zanu. Izi ndi zapamwamba zizindikiro za khalidwe lodziona lochepa paubwenzi.

3. Mukuganiza kuti ubale wanu udzakhala pachiwopsezo

Lamulo la Murphy limanena kuti "Chilichonse chomwe chingayende bwino chidzalakwika." Mumachitenga ngati chithumwa cha ubale wanu. Chizindikiro chachikulu chomwe mukuwopa kukhala pachibwenzi ndikuti mwayamba kuwonongeka. Izi zimakupangitsani kukhala tcheru pazochitika zotere - mpaka kufika potopa ndi nkhawa ndipo pafupifupi 'zidzachitika'. Izi zitha kusokoneza ubale wanu.

• Mumangoyang'ana mgwirizano wofiira mbendera. Aakhansha akuti, “Izi zili ngati ulosi wongokwaniritsa wekha, chifukwa umangoyang’ana zolakwika, umanyalanyaza zabwino zomwe zili muubwenzi.”
• Simuyamikira kusiyana kwa ubale. Aakhansha akufotokoza izi kudzera mu chitsanzo. “Mumayembekezera kuti mnzanuyo azikuimbirani foni nthawi zambiri, koma sakonda kulankhula tsiku lililonse. Komabe, amakupangirani zimenezo.
• Mukupewa mapulani anthawi yayitali kapena kuwatcha bwenzi lanu pagulu. Masiku 30 mu Seputembala, sewero lodziwika bwino la Mahesh Dattani linali ndi mkazi pakati pake yemwe sangakhale ndi chibwenzi kupitirira masiku a 30, monga momwe amachitira nkhanza zaubwana wake.

4. Mukuopa kukhala pachibwenzi

Ukachita mantha kukhala pachibwenzi pambuyo poperekedwa kamodzi, umayesetsa kupewa ululu womwewo. Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati chikhumbo chofuna kusunga zinthu ngati wamba kapena kusagawana nawo zamkati mwanu. Ngati tsiku lanu ayamba kukhala amakukondani ndipo mulibe reciprocate, iwo mmbuyo, ndipo inu kutaya mwayi wa chikondi kugwirizana. Kapena, kusowa kwanu pachiwopsezo kumayika kupsinjika paubwenzi womwe wokondedwa wanu akuyesera kukhalabe ngakhale mukuwopa chikondi.

• Kugonana kumakhala kochita kuwasangalatsa ndi luso lanu, m'malo mokhala kugwirizana kwamalingaliro
• Mumapewa kunena kuti mumawakonda
• Inu mumabwerera mmbuyo pa chizindikiro choyamba cha vuto m'malo molimbana nalo
• Mumayang'ana abwenzi omwe safunanso kudzipereka

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5. Muli ndi nkhani zodalirika

Nkhani zokhulupirirana zimatha kuyamba munthu akakumana ndi zinthu zosagwirizana m'mbuyomu. Chifukwa chosadziwiratu yankho la kholo kapena mnzanu wakale, mumaphunzira kuyanjananso ndi anthu ena. Izi zingapangitse kuti pakhale kusiyana kwa kulankhulana ndi kuyambitsa kusamvana muubwenzi. Aakhansha akuti, "Anthu amatha kuyamba kusewera masewera amalingaliro kapena kuchita zinthu monga kupewa anzawo, kapena kuzunzika kuti asawonekere okhumudwa."

• Pali mavuto olankhulana muubwenzi. Mumasiya mauthenga awo powerengedwa ndikupewa kuwayankha nthawi yomweyo kuti awonekere otanganidwa
• Simukufuna kuwoneka ofunitsitsa, kotero simumawauza momwe mumawakondera
• Simukonda kuwapatsa chilichonse kuti akuchitireni kapena kusintha malo anu

Aakhansha akuti, "Anthu ndi nyama zamagulu. Timakula bwino chifukwa chogwirizana ndi anthu. Munthu wosakhoza kudalira munthu wina akhoza kuchititsa munthu kukhala wodziimira payekha. Izi ndizochitika zoopsa.

6. Mumalakwitsabe zomwezo

Albert Einstein adanenapo kuti, "Misala ikuchita zomwezo mobwerezabwereza ndikuyembekezera zotsatira zosiyana." Tsopano, sindikunena kuti gamophobia ndi misala. Koma ngati mupitirizabe kupanga cholakwa chofananacho paubwenzi uliwonse, ndiyeno kugwirizanitsa kulephera kwa unansi umenewo ndi kusakwanira kwanu, mukukonzekera kulepheranso.

• Mumatuluka ndi mtundu womwewo wa anthu oopsa
• Mumangosewera masewera amalingaliro omwewo kuti muwasunge, osazindikira kuti mukuwathamangitsa
• Simumawapatsa mwayi wopanga ubale wabwino ndi inu. Zimenezi zinkangochitikabe ndi Rute. Amapita pamasiku, koma osati kachiwiri kapena kachitatu, ngakhale atamukonda munthuyo

7. Mumaganizira mopambanitsa mawu awo ndi zochita zawo

Mumayamba kuganiza mopambanitsa zimene amachita ndi kunena m’malo mongosangalala nazo. Izi zimabweretsa kusanthula monyanyira kwa machitidwe awo, zomwe zimadzetsa kutengeka kosayenera. Kulingalira mopambanitsa kumawononga maubale popanga malo omwe mulibe mtendere.

• Mumada nkhawa mukapeza kuti akhala akulankhula ndi anthu ena
• Popeza simukufuna kuwoneka kuti muli ndi chidwi ndi zomwe amachita, mumayamba kufufuza nokha kuti mudziwe cholinga cha zomwe akuchita. Uku ndi kutsata malire 
• Mumachita nsanje mopanda nzeru ndipo mumangotengeka nazo

Zoyenera Kuchita Ngati Mukuopa Kukhala Paubwenzi?

Ngati mukufuna kupitilira "Ndimamukonda koma ndikuwopa ubale", ndiye kuti muyenera kuchitapo kanthu mkati. Kuchita mantha kukhala pachibwenzi kumakhazikika pachimake chanu kuposa zinthu zakunja.

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1. Yesani kupeza chifukwa chimene chikukuchititsani mantha

Nthawi zonse mukakhumudwa ndi munthu yemwe mumamukonda, dzifunseni kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndikuwopa kukhala naye pachibwenzi?" Ganizirani zomwe zikukudetsani nkhawa. Mukuganiza kuti khalidwe lawo lisintha akalowa muubwenzi? Mukuda nkhawa kuti mudzatero kumva kutayika mu ubale? Kodi mukuda nkhawa kuti adzakusiyani pakapita nthawi?

• Ganizirani zomwe mumaopa muubwenzi - ndi iwo kapena kusiyidwa kapena china chake?
• Kodi mwawona zizindikiro zomwe mukuwopa malingaliro a mnzanu pa inu?
• Ngati mumawaopa kapena machitidwe awo ndikuganiza kuti ndizovuta kwambiri kuposa momwe mungathere, tengani nthawi yanu ndikuyendetsa bwino. 
• Komabe, ngati mukupeza yankho labwino komanso loleza mtima kuchokera kwa iwo, mutha kuyamba ndi masitepe ang'onoang'ono

2. Siyani kudzikakamiza

Muyenera kusiya kudziimba mlandu chifukwa cha mantha amenewa. Aakhansha akuti, "Anthu nthawi zambiri amabwera kudzandifunsa: "N'chifukwa chiyani ndikuwopa kukhalanso pachibwenzi? Nthawi zambiri ndimawona mgwirizano wamkati mwaubwenzi, pamene wina amatenga zibwenzi zawo payekha." Choncho zimakhala "Sanachoke paubwenzi, anandisiya." Muyenera kupanga kusiyana kwabwino apa. Mudzakhudzidwa panthawi yachibale, koma muyenera kuganiza kuti musiye.

• Sinthani mawonekedwe. Simuli ubale wanu, ubale unali gawo la moyo wanu
• Kuti muthane ndi zanu zovuta za kusiyidwa, yambani kuzilingalira monga kupatukana m’malo moti wina akusiyeni
• Dulani chitsanzo cha kudzimvera chisoni mwa kutchula chimene chinali cholakwika muubwenzi wanu. Lembani zonse mu nyuzipepala: chifukwa chake zinali zoipa kwa inu, zomwe mukanachita kuti musinthe, ndi zomwe mumafuna muubwenzi koma osapeza. Izi zikuthandizani kuti mumvetsetse bwino

3. Yambani ndi masitepe ang'onoang'ono

Ngati kupanga kudzipereka kwa nthawi yayitali kumawoneka koopsa kwa inu, koma mukufunanso kuti musachite mantha pachibwenzi, ndiye yesani kupanga zolinga zazing'ono zaubwenzi. Mukakwaniritsa cholinga, konzani china chachikulu kuposa choyambirira. Zolinga izi zitha kukhala chilichonse ndipo zitha kupangidwa mutakambirana zomwe zili zabwino kwa aliyense.

• Konzekerani monga kupita kutchuthi, kudziwitsana anzanu, kapena kukhala limodzi kumapeto kwa sabata
• Lankhulani ndi okondedwa anu pamene zikukuvutitsani

4. Yesani kulankhulana ndi okondedwa wanu

Matt, wapolisi wa ku New York, anandiuza za mtsikana wina amene anakhala naye pachibwenzi kwa zaka ziŵiri, amene anasiyana naye pamene anamfunsira. Ndinaganiza kuti anali wokonzeka. Tinakhala limodzi kwa nthawi yaitali kwambiri. Ndikuganiza kuti ankandikonda koma ankawopa chibwenzi. Ndinafikira kwa iye, ndikuyesera kumufunsa ngati akufuna nthawi yochulukirapo, kapena akufuna kupuma, koma adangondiwopsyeza.

• Yesani njira zoyankhulirana za banja lanu ndi okondedwa wanu kuti mukambirane mantha anu pachibwenzi. Zingamveke ngati mukuwapatsa chida, koma muyenera kuwakhulupirira
• Ndikofunikiranso kudziwa ngati muli ndi munthu woyenera. Tsatirani chibadwa chanu. Chizindikiro choti mukuchita mantha ndi mnzanu ndikuti mukuwopa kufotokozera malingaliro anu kwa iwo. Uwu si ubale wabwino

5. Funsani thandizo

Aakhansha akuti: “Mawu akuti kusiyidwa amanenedwa kaŵirikaŵiri ponena za ana aang’ono, amene amadalira munthu wowasamalira.

• Lankhulani ndi anzanu ndi achibale za momwe izi zikukhudzira moyo wanu. Zambiri mwa manthawa zimachokera ku zowawa za ubwana, kotero kulankhula za izo kungathandize
• Lankhulani ndi dokotala yemwe ali ndi chilolezo. Ku Bonobology, tili ndi gulu lalikulu la ochiritsa ndi alangizi kukuthandizani kuthana ndi mavuto anu

Kodi Ndingadziwe Bwanji Ngati Ndine Wokonzeka Kupanga Ubwenzi?

Ndikofunika kudziwa ngati mwakonzekera chinachake musanalowemo. Izi ndi zoonanso muubwenzi. Ngati mulibe malingaliro ofunikira kuti mukhale ndi ubale watanthauzo, zingowononga nthawi ndi mphamvu zomwe inu ndi mnzanuyo mwapangana. Izi zingobweretsa kusweka mtima komwe mukanatha kupeŵa. Nazi zomwe muyenera kuyang'ana:

1. 'Mukufuna' ubale, osati 'kuufuna'

Aakhansha akuti, "Mukalowa muubwenzi chifukwa ndi 'chosowa', kudalira kumapangidwa. Koma pamene chiyanjano chiri 'chofuna', mumadziwa kuti ndi chowonjezera pa moyo wanu. 

• Mumayang'ana munthu amene mumamukondadi m'malo mongokhalira kugonja kwa munthu amene angadzaze kusiyana m'moyo wanu.
• Mukufuna kugwirizana nawo pamlingo wamalingaliro
• Simuchita manyazi kapena kuchita manyazi ndi ubale wanu

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2. Mwakonzeka kugwira ntchito

Mukaganiza kuti "Sindidzachitanso mantha pachibwenzi, izi ndi zomwe ndikufuna", mwachita kale theka la ntchitoyo. Chinthu choyamba pothetsa vuto ndikulizindikira.

• Mumalankhulana ndi anthu omwe akuzungulirani, kuwapempha kuti akuthandizeni pazovuta zanu zosiya
• Mumalankhula ndi mnzanuyo, kumuuza zomwe mukumvera, ndikusankha zomwe mungafune kwa wina ndi mnzake kuti mukhale ubale wabwino.
• Inu mwakhala malire a ubale wabwino ndipo ali okonzeka kupanga zosintha zina

3. Simukufuna kuwakankhira kutali

Mumafunafuna kucheza nawo, ngakhale zitatanthauza kusonyeza zakukhosi kwanu. Mumamva ngati kugawana zomwe mwakumana nazo komanso malingaliro anu. Mumakhalabe wopsinjika pang'ono mukawauza zakukhosi kwanu, koma simuwathawanso.

• Mumazindikira kuti zinthu zomwe mukuchita kuti musawoneke ngati okhumudwa zitha kusokoneza mnzanuyo 
• Khalidwe lodziwika bwino la munthu wodzikayikira ndi loti amalanga wokondedwa wawo chifukwa cha khalidwe lomwe amaona kuti ndi lopanda ulemu pomuzunzitsa kapena kupewa mafoni awo. Tsopano, mumayesetsa kuti musawapweteke pogwiritsira ntchito njira zopanda chilungamo zoterozo
• Ndinu okonzeka kuwapatsa mwayi wokayika popanda kuganiza molakwika

4. Simuchepetsanso ziyembekezo zanu

Anthu akamaopa kusiyidwa pachibwenzi, amayamba kufunafuna munthu amene sangakane naye. Izi zitha kuwatsogolera kwa anthu omwe akufuna thandizo lamalingaliro kapena ndalama. Mukayang'ana munthu yemwe angafune kampani yanu chifukwa amayamikira thandizo lanu kuposa inu, ndiye kuti mukulowa muubwenzi potengera machitidwe osinthanitsa. Izi sizathanzi kapena zokhazikika pakanthawi yayitali.

• Mumayamba kufunafuna anthu omwe amakufunirani chifukwa cha umunthu wanu osati zomwe mungawapatse
• Mumaphunzira pa zolakwa zanu ndi choka paubwenzi wapoizoni kuswa dongosolo kamodzi kokha
• Mumazindikira kuti ndinu wofunika ndipo mumayang'ana bwenzi lomwe limakuthandizani kuti mukhale bwino

5. Mumadzipatsa nthawi yolira

Mukakhala pachibwenzi choyipa, mumafunikira nthawi kuti muchiritse. Aakhansha akuti, "Muyenera kutseka ubale wanu wakale musanapitirire ku wina. Mukadziwa kuti muyenera kuthana ndi zowawazo ndikuzigwirira ntchito, mumatha kusiya katundu wamalingaliro."

• Simumayang'ana kubwezeranso
• Mumafufuza malingaliro anu mwa kukhala nokha
• Simudzikakamiza kuti mukhale ndi ndondomeko yotanganidwa, ndikuyembekeza kuti mudzadzisokoneza nokha ku ululu

Paukwati wa Ruth, ndinali kulankhula ndi Min, mkwatibwi wake. Iye anandiuza kuti: “Ndinkadziwa kuti amandikonda koma ankaopa kucheza naye chifukwa ankaopa kwambiri kusamuka. Ndi chikondi ndi chithandizo cha Min, Ruth adaganiza zodumphadumpha ndikupeza chithandizo. Zinali zovuta poyamba chifukwa amawopa kwambiri kusintha komwe Min akubweretsa mkati mwake. Koma pang’onopang’ono anayamba kuona zotsatirapo zake. Ngati simuchita bwino, mantha anu olowa pachibwenzi angakulepheretseni kukondana moyo wanu wonse. Yesani sitepe imodzi panthawi, ndipo muwona kuti mwayenda mtunda umodzi musanadziwe.

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.